Health: HIV status in profile, what’s yours?
Category: A4A : HealthMarketing is generally the driving force in all sales efforts; that includes the sale of one’s self.
Hooking-up online has it’s advantages: advantages that can get you laid quickly and matched with just the right guy. One of the advantages found in profiles are that they can tell you what a guy is into, where he is, what he looks like, and when he is available. Profiles are the online marketing tools of those seeking sex. When accurate and honest, a well written profile can reduce the talk required before meeting a sexual match to a couple of emails and help to ensure you have a great time with the right guy. When a profile is completed with detailed information, the information posted can effectively weed out those you are not interested in meeting, and invite those you want to meet. Profiles are great marketing tools!
When members join Adam4Adam seeking a sex partner, what goes in your profile—your marketing tool—will ultimately help to determine what happens sexually between you and other members of the site.
Profiles on Adam4Adam, as on most sex seeking sites, have the option to disclose your HIV status (blank, negative, positive, don’t know). The primary reason this field exists is to provide the option to include your HIV status, if known, under the belief that having this information is important to the health of other members and will help you find a sexual match.
The fields are clear, yet assumptions regarding any one’s status other than “positive” must be avoided. A status of negative is only as accurate as the testing method, frequency of testing, and sexual behaviors since being tested (and about 3 months before) of the person claiming to be negative.
Having HIV status in profiles is not always welcomed by all members. As I see it, there are two sides to this debate: those that believe that the field lends an unjust creditability to someone stating they are HIV-negative and those that believe that having the field is a form of risk reduction.
I believe that having an HIV status field is important. I also understand that men lie. There are most likely men that believe when someone states they are HIV-negative, that it absolutely means they are HIV-negative. In fact, there are too many variables for many sexually active men to state with no doubt that they are in fact negative and be 100% sure and accurate.
Consider this: if someone lies about their HIV status online, would they not also lie in person?
Further consider which is a more misleading statement of ‘safety’ a field on a profile or a face to face statement? What would you give more creditability, a face to face statement that “I am negative”, or a field in a profile that says negative? I would personally be more apt to believe someone who told me face to face that they are negative over what I read in a profile. HIV status, field or not, is a conversation.
One of the key issues, in my viewpoint, is not the HIV status field, but it is understanding what a statement like HIV-negative really means, especially in our “buyer beware” world of sales and marketing.
How one discloses their status is a personal choice, but disclosing your HIV status honestly is a responsibility we all share, regardless of what we know our status to be, or what we assume it to be.
Stephan
178 comments for Health: HIV status in profile, what’s yours?
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Personally I’m not going to Advertise such personal and confidential information on a public website to what turns out, more than 90% of them I don’t even ever meet Regardless of my status, in this day and age, that is not something that I want to readily provide to people.
Spot On. However, I don’t concur that “disclosing your HIV status honestly is a responsibility we all share” is an accurate statement. We are all responsible for ourselves. I don’t publish mine because as you so clearly stated in the outset of your statement, “A status of negative is only as accurate as the testing method, frequency of testing, and sexual behaviors since being tested (and about 3 months before) of the person claiming to be negative.” I do want to thank you for the thoughtful and well needed conversation.
I wonder if a4a did not have the section for Hiv status, would the members really ask potential matches if they are positive or negative, and how many would just have unprotected sex without asking the status of the other. I’m pretty sure that most would go ahead and have unprotected sex, especially the young members, they have no regard for their safety. They don’t even bother to ask. My policy is to assume that everybody’s positive and just use a condom everytime even with my boyfriend remember there are other std’s out there. People should just get tested there are many treatments out there and HIV is not a death sentence anymore.
Quote: When accurate and honest, a well written profile can reduce the talk required before meeting a sexual match to a couple of emails and help to ensure you have a great time with the right guy.
I think that this is actually part of the problem! People should talk and have long talks before they hook up with anyone. The way I see it people are too damned hungry for instant gratification which of course is something that can come back to bite people in the ass.
As for HIV status in profile assume everyone is lying and protect yourself accordingly.Disclosing HIV status is a choice, but lying about it not only takes choice from others it could ruin lives.
Personally, I think that listing HIV status as NEG and one is POSITIVE should be a criminal offence. A4A while they are at it needs to add a listing asking if people are free of other stds.
Negative here also!!
I have my status on my profile because it show the person that is looking at my profile that i am a honest guy. I would rather for a guy to tell then to say that they are negative knowing that they are positive.. It also eliminate alot of BS that is associate with sex site.
IT SHOULD BE POSTED I MET SOMEONE ON HEAR AND THE WERE POZ
So why is it that very few websites encourage honesty by offering those willing to state they are hiv+ the option of hiv+/UNDETECTABLE?!!!!!!!!!!
I refused to lie – my moral compass won’t allow it. And I won’t play the game of leaving it blank to answer it later since so many guys automatically assume blank = poz.
Help promote honesty – and offer up on A4A a separate category of undetectable. It says something about the person taking responsibility for their health and is fortunate enough to have meds available and that work to get viral load to undetectable. Certainly my physician tells me at 52 (poz as of June ’05) to die of old age and not spend the retirement monies now!!
So back at ya – think about how you structure a website and what it does to promote honesty!
if someone wants to be sure they should ask for a doctors report.it should be within a couple of monthes also.better to offend someone than to not be sure.otherwise have protected sex each and every time.
Any one who believes that another person is HIV negative just because they said so is stupid. I am HIV+ and put so in my profiles on these sites. I KNOW that quite a few of these guys lie. Wouldn’t it be interesting for a negative person from these sites to show up at an HIV support group? I would love to see the looks on their faces. Don’t be a fool. Practice safe sex ALWAYS.
I agree with Paul. We live in a world where unfortunately we have to have everything in writing in order to believe that this is the facts. and its always a good idea to bring it up in conversation and discuss it in person as well as exchanging real HIV results. and as Paul suggested, if you are that unsure of one’s status, protect yourself or find another sex partner.
my thing is this if they want to disclose their status by all means go ahead if not then that’s your business besides 90% of the people on a4a engage in unprotected sex
its is always and should always be priority #one to pratice safe sex the best way we know how to do that.yea it may look good on a profile when the status say negative but are we that stupid to belive every thing we read? we only see a status about HIV but what about all the other diseases out there which havnt gone any where which we very seldom have a discussion about.some of which can be cured and others for which there are no cure.does it make any better for us to get infected with a STD just because we can be cured?
doctor report from within a couple months still leaves 8 weeks to pick up a virus.
What? A doctor’s report means nothing– especially since you said that it “should be within a couple of months.” What if Mr. Wonderful became infected last month, last week, or yesterday? Will that bonafide doctor’s report still be accurate? You people need to wake up and smell the coffee. With EVERYTHING there is a risk. When you decide to connect with someone in any form you undertake that possibility. The thing to remember here is communication. And yes, MEN LIE! Openly talk to your partner and make an informed choice and don’t treat our HIV+ brothers and sisters like full-on lepers. You may one day be in the same shoes or have something far worse. If you’re so afraid of of the heat then you need to stay out of the kitchen. Above all, do what is right for you and be civil to your fellow man.
I think that and HIV status on your profile is important. I think that telling your partners status is imortant and if yuo are positive, you can use precaution to protecting others and youll get great respect if your honest about your HIV status
Your HIV is YOUR business.
The site we are on is what it is.
If you have yes/no/no response. Its saying i am or not and the other is none of your business.
In this world practice safe sex is the way it has to be, if poz or not or hep B or C. The standard is to practice safe sex. Your responsibility, not theirs, YOURS!. So if no comment is written you have to assume yes.
Is that wrong?
For me I say no! I meet someone and we chat and if after a few email exchanges i feel its appropriate then ill tell them. If you reject me then, you will not have hurt me as you have the right to your phobias. I accept that but you have not hurt me. Why? Because it shows where you are at, thats cool but I don’t want that. I am HIV and that is not who I am! Im far more than that.
You know what gets on my tits is when 2 HIV poz people meet and they STILL want to have unsafe sex and they say with the premise is that its safe and if your viral load is low your fine. I have never heard such information and if it is, I don’t want it. I have made mistakes in my life and I have taken responsibility for them and I am an ok person and I look in the mirror and try and remind myself of that.
Being poz still has shame and who’s not to say that Im still in the closet about it? Protecting your job which happens to be something that one loves, and wants to protect is that wrong?.
I respect your opinion, but you probably don’t live in their world so the only thing that you can take responsibility for is oneself. So to judge someone else, well?
If its not on then its not on, ‘safe sex always will be’. If you don’t then you take responsibility for yourself!
I know that to be my truth!
I like the article as it simply lays out we all share responsibility in discussing our HIV status. It is also important in reducing negative stigma and ignorance. I would add that getting tested together and receiving results together is beneficial but may not be realistic for some. Other than abstaining, using a condom each and everytime is the only way to protect ourselves.
I think the safest thing to do is always assume everybody is positive and never have unsafe sex.
i like this it was reel talk. a lot of person cnovess to b neg/ but in fact there poz. well im neg. thank god but u no what/life throw curv i think each and every perosn on here bare the responsiblilty to practice safe sex because u dont really no who got what on here. like u say buyer be ware..
The HIV status box is a dangerous box to check. And not because there are men who lie even though there are definitely men who lie. More importantly it’s the people that don’t know they are positive that will check negative. They check that because they have not been tested or they have been tested and don’t realize that even with the most sophisticated test with a negative result one can only be sure they were negative 30 days ago. Some tests are only accurate to as much as 6 months ago. What if someone became positive in the last 30 days? Their test will still show negative but they can still transmit the virus. Unless you are into barebacking, play as though EVERYONE is positive. Then you can be as safe as can be and still have sex.
you also have to remember that even if they insert HIV- into their profile doesnt mean that they are really HIV- …. so use a CONDOM each and everytime no matter its a quicky or your lover because you can be sure who he’s cheating on you with
I very recently hooked up with a guy online whose profile says he’s negative. After a few weeks, he emails me back to tell me he made a horrible mistake and admitted to being positive. He said the risk is greater for the bottom, and since I topped, I shouldn’t be as concerned, but I AM getting tested at the first chance available…
I felt betrayed, and my life can take an irreversible change because of this. I’ve always believed that honesty is the BEST possible policy. Unfortunately not everyone abides by that…
For my own peace of mind and integrity, I do disclose my hiv positive status. since it is my responsiblity to inform potential partners. But I do know for a fact that some people do not disclose their hiv positive status, when they are indeed positive. Which to me is sad, because disclosure to me is very important. But what does annoy me more though is when some people who are hiv negative, who view your profile and then block you for no reason. Is just plan wrong… My only words of wisdom that I can hopefully extend to the HIV negative population is this, since you truly cannot be certain of potential partners true hiv status is the following. If you are going to engage in any sexual behavior with a new person, always use condoms and practice safe sex no matter how healthy the person may appear. Because unforunately some people cannot be honest about there hiv status. Remember that ultimately you have to protect your health from not only hiv, but there is also hepatitis B, C, herpes, and other std’s out there. Get tested regularly and always where a condom.
For the most part, I agree with Paul’s post. When I was first diagnosed, I was young and scared of the rejection that I would certainly encounter telling someone I was interested in that I was HIV positive. Now, I’m older and actually welcome the rejection because the people that can reject because of my honesty are 1) probably lying to themselves about themselves, and/or 2) still out there assuming that their partners are negative, not positive. I just find it easier to disclose on my profile than to have the still difficult conservation starting with “Baby, we need to talk….”. I really hope that in 2011 we can at least start being more honest with ourselves. The honesty will make room for the right person to enter your life.
considering what one say in his profile does not guarantee facts. blatant lies often by some members disregards safety of others. it is therefore, a must for each one to indulge in safer sex than regret it later. your choice now is your future.
If you care about your health, then safe sex is a must… FOR ANY TYPE OF SEX. risk reduction is just that, it reduces risk. And to comment on Paul’s statement and to refer back to Stephen’s post, you can ask for a doctor’s report all you want, but unless he abstained from sex up until the test and then past that to when he met you, all that paper says is that he was in a state of being “hiv negative” when his blood was drawn. If he had sex, however, he participated in risky business. It’s great that people can become one with their sexuality, but please don’t try to make sex something that it is not and cannot be.
I’m HIV positive. I ha slept with a guy who said he was neg. I asked him in person if he was neg. He said yes he was. Now I’m pos thanks to him. I have it posted loud and clear on my profile. I believe if you’re pos just say so, it clears the air… Idk how many ppl have messages me that are pos and their profile says neg…. It’s misleading and a bit cowardice. Be a man. Be honest. Someone doesn’t like it, oh well. Tough shit. At least ur helping raise awareness on the issue.
negative as of 11/10
Yeah. Men lie. Knowing that, the only option here is safe sex. No one can remove a condom upon some statement (verbal or written). I must have met some positive guys, but I don’t care, because we use a condom. Another point, why does a positive guy lie ? Because they’re trying to avoid judgmental behaviors from others. Think about that too.
Great Blog….
Being HIV Positive myself, Undetectable but positive non the less, in which I am not ashamed of. There is nothing I can do to change the past, but I can help make a difference in the future.. Safe sex is the best sex, no matter what your status is, every one should get tested, bi, str8, trans, les, and gay of course – but regardless – It is a proven fact that people lie – there are over 200,000 cases of HIV in the US. and how many people on this site actually tell the truth? I am one of the few – why? i weed out the ones that just don’t even want to be friends, I do not need the added stress, stress + HIV is not a good combo. Plus I know it is illegal to have any sexual contact without disclosing your HIV status if positive the other party must know – they do not need to know until the contact is in fact going to be made – not after but before – so I feel face to face should always be done – but having it out in the open first makes the transition a whole lot easier. Thank you and Have a great Weekend -
You are supposed to proceed in life as though EVERYONE is HIV positive. You are just as responsible for protecting yourself as those who know they are infected. It is preposterous to trust someone about their HIV status posted in their profile. It is theorized that 30% of Americans infected with HIV do not know they have; they have never been tested. So do NOT trust someone because they post “HIV negative” in their profile. If you get it from someone you are just as guilty for being irresponsible; even more so. It is your own fault if you let someone have your butt without a condom.
I’ve always assumed that a blank in the HIV status field was an indirect way men say they have HIV without having to say it.
I had put status in some of my ONLINE profiles only to open myself up to ONLINE ABUSE – The emails / IM’s were not as friendly and caring as one might think they would be. It is my decision when and how to tell the partner I am with. I have been more than honest through personal emails and or phone conversations prior to meeting. The ONLINE just did not work for me
The only person you can trust as far as their HIV status goes is the one who says they are positive. If anyone has found that the incidence of embellishments and down right lying in people’s profiles in any website is high, than why would you believe a statement that their status is negative? That being said, I always wonder why they don’t ask for a person herpes status, among other STD’s. Herpes is highly contagious and unlike HIV can be spread by a simple touch if the virus is shedding. The original poster actually negates his argument and really he does argue for the abolishment of HIV status in profiles. To his point, it is a “buyer beware” market and one would be well advised to ignore any statement of a person’s supposed negative status.
Having a listing in any profile format for HIV status creates an environment where those who choose to be anonymous haven’t much choice. It is considered a statement that you are positive when you say anything other than negative. Leaving those who would rather have that grown man conversation face to face and in an more trusting intimate environment with their back against the wall. It also creates a false sense of comfort for those who consider a negative posting as an invitation to move forward. I would challenge the profile formats that offer a space for such serious issue with these thoughts. What is created by having a an area for posting your HIV status in a human beings profile,….does it lead us to use HIV status to cause us not to consider a persons personality?…….. does an HIV posting cause your clients to be more judgmental, more divided?……does it create an environment where ones privacy is at risk at being falsely abused?……. My question to you why is The HIV status posting there anyway? Who thought it was a good ideal and why?.
I have a boarder who is HIV Positive, I have seen the test report and was there when the test was done. In his Adam4Adam profile he claims to be HIV Negative. This past week I met someone at a club who turns out to have met and had sex with this boarder by way of meeting on Adam4Adam. The boarder had NOT admitted to this guy his real status.
A recent issue of NEXT magazine stated that 1 in 5 gay men has HIV, and stated that the Center for Disease Control (CDC) was the source of the information. I just checked the CDC web page, and at a quick glance cuold not find that. But I did find this
“At the end of 2006, an estimated 1,106,400 persons (95% confidence interval 1,056,400-1,156,400) in the United States were living with HIV infection, with 21% undiagnosed.”
As of my most recent test, done on the day before Thanksgiving, I was negative. And based on sexual history before and since, am almost certainly still negative.
And I am considering giving the boarder 30 days notice that he’s got to find another place to live.
the only guys that you can be really sure of are the ones that say they are positive – there are too many guys out there that are poz that have not been tested.
The discrimination and stigma of a Poz status makes people lie. If people would be just a little bit educated about safe sex the category would just be pointless. It takes two (… well …. maybe more) to have sex. Each should take responsibility to have safe sex.
It’s disappointing how frequently people lie… one day you are on website A and that individual has their status set to Negative, a few months later its now Positive. You recognize the same individual on Website B and notice that he’s listed as Negative.
It seems some people will be honest enough to list themselves as positive.. then at some point they say “screw it” and magically become negative..
First let me say that I am very happy to have this topic opened for discussion. I am a poz guy and I post it in my ad. while I can see the reluctance of some to post their status, I do it for a couple reasons. First and foremost is it gives those looking at my profile the power to decide if they’re interested. Secondly, it relieves the stress I go through each time I meet a guy. with all that being said, it saddens me that in the year 2011 that so many men who have sex with men are still very un-educated about HIV and how it’s contracted. I get next to no responses to me ad or messages I send and I suspect it’s because of my status. I have had guys tell me that they don’t have sex with poz guys. what is funny to me is that number of men who have had sex (protected or otherwise) without first asking someones status. That is more risky than sleeping with someone who is positive. By discriminating against poz men, you lose out on the possibility of meeting a great guy. HIV does not define me, it’s merely one part of my life. I really wish that men would educate themselves.
I am a total top bi guy and I have encountered with 2 hiv+ guys.(that I am aware of) On one of them I asked and I did not get an answer and I did not follow it up. On second one, Somehow I did not ask at all.He did not tell me anything. I am clean but I had nightmares because I do have female partners who also may have kids.
I always use condom, and I am a oral top which means risk of getting infected is very little.
I feel sorry for hiv+ guys but come on we are in 2011 and only fools would risk their future and ignore your irresponsibility in the past.
When I browse thru profiles I can not understand why I still see BB lovers. Why would you risk your and others future for a few years of fun.
Hooking up with guys was a border, I passed. There is no way back.I like it and won’t give up..But BB is a border I won’t even get close to..
unprotected sex now = protease inhibitors later
here’s my take on this….
if people advertise hiv+; u already kno they have it.
if people advertise hiv-; they claim they are negative, but you never kno.
if people advertise hiv don’t kno; you can guess what is goin on.
if people advertise no hiv status; i can take a hint.
regardless of what people claim on here, i treat everyone equally. you are all infected in my eyes.
i will continue having safe sex only all the time!
Buyer beware says it all. Men tell a lot of lies just to get laid. There are simple ones such as their age to larger lies such as HIV status. Like others on this site I wish there was a section for all STD’s instead of just HIV. One of the best websites I have come across for HIV knowledge is http://www.poz.com When you have all the facts you can make an informed decision. Knowledge is power.
As a poz man, can I bring up another point in profiles dealing with neg/poz? That is the statement that someone is “clean”. You know what, I am a poz man and I am very clean every time I have sex, inside and out, my shower is equipped for that. I would like to see people use the term “negative” and I don’t take offense to DDF (although as been accurately pointed out, neither chould be believed as truth). But if you are going to label yourself as non-poz, the inference is that if a neg guy is “clean”, then a poz guy is “dirty”. Believe me, if you are using internet hook-up sites and playing bare with guys who post a neg status, you too will become “dirty”. Then see how you like the term. Remember that the largest percentage of the people using these internet sites are doing so for sexual hookups. If you live in a smaller city like I do, this limited population looking for easy sex doesn’t take long before most everyone has slept with one another. And because it makes if much easier to hook up, it probably means a lot more sex per individual than in the past so a negative test becomes outdated pretty much within hours of the test because the opportunity for another hook up is likely that soon – even regardless of the fact that someone can be tested neg while having the virus!
Besides giving a false sense of security, in that nobody can really prove they’ve been celibate or haven’t engaged in unsafe sexual activity since (or right before) their last test, posting HIV status promotes negative stigmas and stereotypes. These stigmas not only encourage people to lie about their status, but they also divide our already marginalized community into pos/neg guys. Exclusionary remarks about HIV (or race or body type) have no place in online public profiles. Of course HIV should be part of the discussion when two people hook up (if its “safe” there is actually no need)but only after both have decided there is mutual interest. Remove the HIV field from profiles. Don’t expect people to post confidential sensitive information about their health online for anyone the Internet to see. People should ask if they want to know
What I am reading on this blog is ALARMING – so many think they are so smart.
I have a very easy solution – practice safe sex ALWAYS and you will NEVER have to be concerned with the HIV status of your partner.
YOU ALONE are responsible for your own behavior, and if you become infected because you relied on a “doctor’s report” that was 1.5 months old and had unsafe sex, YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.
The truth is that a person infected with HIV is MOST infectious during the FIRST three months of infection WHEN THE INFECTION IS ALMOST ASSUREDLY NOT YET DETECTABLE BY CURRENT MEASURES. During this period a newly infected person can have a viral load of between 750K and 1m making them HIGHLY infectious.
So you could have unprotected sex with someone like this and almost assuredly be infected yourself, or you can have protected sex with someone who is POZ for years and on meds and undetectable and have a VERY low risk of transmission.
That said, I am truly alarmed at the ignorance I am reading on this page. I wont even go into the idea that a person has a right to confidentiality with regard to their HIV status, and that supercedes your right to be horny and get off with “assurances.” Ooops I guess I just did.
So to bring it on home boys….
It is YOUR responsibility to protect YOURSELF. If you practice safe sex ALWAYS, you shouldn’t have a problem. Someone could be infected and not even know it, and right, wrong, or indifferent, the consequences aren’t worth it.
Protect yourself – take accountability for your own life and stop blaming others for something that is/was in YOUR control!
I personally played with a DOCTOR from Ohio. He was staying at the Marriott for a medical convention. As we were showering and getting dressed afterward, he said, “By the way, for the record I am poz even though my profile says I am negative.” Most guys first inclination would be to beat the shit out of him. BUT I responded that I always assumed my tricks were poz and didn’t do anything to put myself at risk while we were playing. That sage “assume poz no matter what he says” advice was from an Aids Project counselor. If we assume everyone is poz, we have two choices: become monks or poz friendly. I don’t intend to become a monk! So I assume and protect myself. After all, no one is going to care about or look out for me except me! I am responsible for me and my behavior reflects the responsibility and love I have for myself.
How come hepatitis status has never been asked in online profiles?
The HIV status field should be eliminated from Adam 4 Adam and all hook up sites. It creates stigma, it creates liars, and it creates falsities. There is NO way to be absolutely sure of your status of any STD EVER. People lie, tests are inaccurate.
If you get infected, it is YOUR fault because YOU didn’t take responsibility for YOUR body. A positive person has NO moral, no legal (in the USA), nor ethical reason to tell you they are positive.
If you do not want to become infected ever, this question should not EVER even come up because you should ALWAYS be taking care of your own body with a condom.
The question of STD status should no longer be asked of casual hookups.
My hiv status is my business until a sexual encounter. I disclose my status before every encounter. I can’t even count how many guys I have chatted wtih on here that post they are negative and then they proceed to talk about having unprotected sex.
I think posting the date of your last test is also a waste of space…who the f#$k cares, you may have had unprotected sex the day before you got tested, got scared and thats why you got tested, the results are not accurate until subsequent tests….why don’t you post every single encounter you have ever had with all the sordid details, then that posting would be legit. Regardless of my status I assume everyone is positive…period. Thats why you should always have protected sex regardless.
Locally a couple who posted their hiv positive status, met a guy who begged to be barebacked and then he sued them. Who’s fault is it really?!?
If you are going to require hiv status why don’t you guys reequire nude pics of your erect penises too so that we can all see that your 8 inch dick is actually 5 inches at best.
In a day and age where companies can search the internet for your personal information, why woulndt they search to see if you are positive as well so they can come up with a reason not to hire you.
Always ask before you get busy with a guy and protect yourself. People lie, deal with it.
There are many men that are lying about their status on A4A.
I am positive and say so in my profile.I get a fair amount of action on this website and about 90% of the men that contact me are positive but say they are negative on their profile. You should always assume your sex partner is positive and protect yourself accordingly.
I decided to show my status as Positive so that other guys can decide whether to hit me up or not. Generally, I know within the trading of a few emails that the guy hasn’t read the profile. If I think a sexual match is there and there is a real chance of meeting I always mention it….and I ask if the guy has read the whole profile….I have to laugh at the profiles that say “Neg as of XX/XX/XXXX” wher ethe date is almost a year old or longer….I was getting tested every six months and always tested neg untiol I turned a positive test. I have copies of my labs and have no prOblem showing a guy…Now that I am undetectable I have no problem showing the paperwork…..I am amazed at how uneducated gay men can be about HIV. The website http://www.gmfa.org.uk/ is am amazing resource for hiv info…Check it out guys!
Safe sex is what matters and is the only thing that’s reliable. HIV status–stated or unstated, truthfully or untruthfully–doesn’t and isn’t.
I automatically assume that anyone who leaves out their status is positive. I automatically assume that anyone who says “Anything Goes” is positive. I automatically assume anyone who says “Status I Don’t Know” is positive. Lastly, if someone tells me they were tested a month ago and they are negative, I assume they are telling me the truth, and like myself, they practice safe sex and would like to continue practing sex that way. I feel more confident meeting that guy and I enjoy having safe sex with him.
I have my Status posted, not only to state that I know my status but to raise awareness, help weed out the truly STD Ignorant and hopefully meet someone who’s respectful and not shallow etc. I do not believe that stating that you’re “undetectable” carries any merit as I am undetectable and still have AIDS, HIV is still present in my body as well. Saying you’re merely undetectable may mean you’re on meds that control the virus but you’re still HIV+.
However, the topic of this article should be further discussed on the point of How do you REALLY know you’re HIV-. You’re only negative until you test positive, if you’re sexually active then you should be testing actively as well, not merely every 3 months or 6 months or whatever, but each time you have sex. The sooner you find out the better off you will be. It isnt a death sentence any longer, at least in the Western World, but it is still a Social Death Sentence, at least here in the Central United States. Bring those topics up for some serious discussion, please.
TommylHill –
I beg to differ regarding “undetectable”. There is a significant difference in risk transmission between someone who has a viral load <50 and someone who could easily be 1 million copies. Safe sex aside – the reality is that a condom CAN break, and if with oral sex and the guy has a cut in his mouth there is the risk of transmission.
I've talked with a few hiv specialists about this and transmission risk is also something that should be acknowledged. But understand – in no way am I using that for justification for raw/bareback/unprotected sex. As many have pointed out, there are still a number of serious STDs and Hep that can be passed along.
We still have a long way to go in educating gay men and also making DAMN sure they have a physician they trust, is getting them tested at least annually, and get their Hep A and Hep B shots.
And the designation of "Aids" in the medical community to me is very outdated….if you have normal t cells and are undetectable, the social stigma beyond just being HIV+ and AIDS is enormous. And nobody has even mentioned yet the concept of sero-sorting!!
Great discussion posts and points out the need for ongoing education/awareness.
About 2 weeks ago , I had an on line smack down with a man on this site.. He stated that, the” WORD” was on the net, that I was poz. and if that was the case or not, that HE DEMANDED! that I say so in my profile, because he has the RIGHT TO KNOW.
YES, I AM POZ. and I have no shame about that. BUT! NO ONE ! ON THIS SITE OR ANY OTHE , has the right TO DEMAND SUCH INFORMATION. ON other sex sites that I am a member of, I have stated in my profile that I am poz. I mostly only play with poz guys ( no offends negative guys) it’s just that i am more comfortable with poz guys. I am been responsible for myself and my sexual partner at the time and everyone should make it their responsibIlIty , TO ASK and NOT DEMAND the hiv status of there sexual partner.
Whenever I chatted with anyone on this site and it may end up with sex. I always tell then that i am poz. I am not easily surprised, but I am always surprised, by guys who, have in their profile that they are negative and when i tell then that I am poz. they also confessed that they are also poz and not negative. If someone chooses to leave their hiv status question> BLANK DON’T CARE < also,it says a lot about that person- THAT THEY WILL FUCK YOU OVER AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY-
I do support the hiv status questions on sex sites. It's just another question , that will help in simplifying ones' hunting and when all the cards are on the table , the hunt is soooo much easier and fun! If someone chooses to turn me down because I am poz. I really don't feel offended or hurt by it. because we are both clear on what we want or don't want.
So ,to the negative guys, that always believed that they are playing with someone negative- always assumed that everyone is poz. and always play safe.
For the liers and " don't care " guys out there, be more responsible for your action.
AND for the poz. guys out there like myself. we been through the storm, so lets be safe.
TIGHT HUGS AND NIPPLE TUGS.
It is also important to remember that not informing your sexual partner of your positive HIV status and engaging in unprotected sex is now a criminal offense in many states with more and more states adopting laws to protect its citizens. The charges can lead all the away up to felonious assault with intent to do great bodily harm and attempted murder charges have been tried in some states. Just somthing to think about for those playing the false disclosure games out here.
I post my poz status as I want be honest with myself and with who I meet. I notice many people say when they tested negative, but they are still fooling themselves with the fact that they can test neg for up to a year after exposure. Others lie and pass the virus on.
I have read all the posts refering to disclose or not..I am hiv poz and announced it recently to the newspaper…they put down that I had aids and that made me mad! When I meet someone I tell them we can have sex but”NO CONDOM=NO SEX” and a condom is in case I have something..they can’t get it and if they have something I can’t get it. By the way I don’t believe anyone who is barebacking is negative..think about it how can they not be…but they still put down that they are hiv- DON’T BELIEVE IT!! for those who are hiv pozitive..here is words of wisdom…take your meds everyday and let’s fight until there is a cure. I love everyone!!
What about guys who are neg and want to poz who seek out guys who say they’re poz and bb? Course they will bb a lot anyway and convert w/o the help of guys saying their poz.
And also that a lot of guys use the same face pic here as on Facebook and if they say they are poz here someone can find out who they are and that their poz even if they don’t want to tell their employers etc.
Responsibility is with both sides–we’re not sides of beef bought and sold that might be a little rancid. We each gotta kno are status if possible and share it. Too bad we can’t bareback all the time w/o consequence but that is the way it is.
I actually think it would be better to post a field that specifies if a guy would entertain a conversation, hook-up or relationship with a poz guy. There are many wonderful guys that are neg but are well informed that never get contacted by equally wonderful guys that are poz because a poz guy doesn’t want to take the first step.
Being Poz-friendly doesn’t mean you are poz – it just means you are well informed and know how to protect yourself.
I personally think that seeing “neg” in the field gives guys an unrealistic sense of safety. Regardless of what a guy tells you, be smart.
Most gay men (not all) are like chatty woman; they have a big mouth and are incapable of keeping anything confidential. I told a boyfriend of mine about my status (prior to our sexual encounter); he told all his friends and family. Here’s another scenario, two guys are dating, but it didn’t work out. The relationship ended on a bad note, and the guy that is negative broadcasts to everyone he knows about your HIV status to be vindictive. And you’re wondering why some people that are HIV do not publish it. I can understand why professionals (like myself) that are HIV do not display their status in their profiles. One reason is the individual may have gay co-workers, and even a gay boss that visits this site. Do you really think it is proper to display you health condition to people you work with? I have been HIV for fourteen years and in a relationship with a man that is HIV negative for eight years. I have a very high t-cell count and have been undetectable since 1999.
Which is deadlier, HIV or Hepatitis? Need I say more?
Which is deadlier, HIV or Hepatitus C? Need I say more?
I’m going to say that between 70-85% of the men who post their sex ads on A4A are positive and yet they have HIV- posted in their profile.
Anyone who is stupid enough to believe that everyone who posts HIV- in their sex ads is just asking for trouble, especially if there is unprotected sex involved. NEVER ASSUME that the guy you’re with is HIV-, always assume that he MIGHT be HIV+ and protect yourself that way, especially when picking someone off of this site to have sex with at a moments notice.
I always list my HIV status as HIV+, because I am and I don’t believe in lying to anyone about my status. It is better to be honest and upfront about it rather than having your sexual partner find out about later on down the road and have you hauled in for exposing them to HIV and end up with an attempted murder charge on your rap sheet and spend a good number of years behind bars. And yes, there are men AND women (might as well include them in this conversation because there are women who have exposed their male sex partners to HIV without telling them their HIV+ status), who don’t give a rats ass about you when it comes to having unprotected sex with you, especially if they end up at your place instead of theirs and when you’re done with that person, they can leave to never be seen or heard from again and you don’t know where they live, their last name, or how to contact them so that you can call the police and file charges against that person.
I have been approached by young men who want me to purposely infect them so that they are part of the “club” if you will and I have flat out refused to do so. Quite frankly, this disheartens me to the core. Unfortunately, when a lot of these young men are drunk, high on drugs, all sense of reason goes out the window.
Just some food for thought.
I think as a rational person and HIV- (as far as I know) of course I look at a persons HIV status on profiles…
But I think the key is to understand that its not just that simple. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know I use it in conjunction with whether the person practices safer sex or not as a means of risk assessment. But ultimately I know, the buck stops at my door so best to assume everyone is positive and reduce my risk that way, by not sleeping around and on the occasions that I do, jacketting up!!!
I was recently moving into a flat, where I disclosed to my landlord I was gay, and the first question I was asked was does that mean I’m HIV+? I was very offended, not because of the suggestion of being personally positive. But the fact that the question would/could arise in the first place.
This got me thinking, yes we do live in a world where everyone is obessed by knowing ones HIV status but not HEP B or C, or other sexually and non sexually transmitted disease status. Even if they were would we be happy to share that kind of information? Hell No!!!
I think this is a complex one, I have friends living with the condition, and I’m sure like most people on these websites I have had sex with people who are living with the condition and not disclosed it (deliberately or not). But what it comes down to it I have had to make sure regardless I have protected myself..
If there is one advantage to people disclosing their status, it is that it acts a really good reminder to everyone of the prevelence of HIV and other STI in our community. especially at a time, went there seems to be a big absence in active prevention campaigns. if this encourages one more person to practice Safer sex, for something that costs nothing, its a worthwhile investment in my books!!!!
Being an HIV positive individual, it is my duty to inform a potential sex partner of my status before any intimate acts take place. It is NOT, however, my duty to inform ANYONE WHO HAPPENS TO CLICK ON MY PROFILE!!!
“HIV Status” doesn’t belong on a profile for the entire online community to see, any more than “Whether or not you’ve ever filed bankruptcy,” or “If you still live with your parents.”
Hep C can be deadly. Where is the box to check for that one? Its just plain stupid and lazy to put that kind of information on a profile. Ask the question!!!
A person’s HIV status is part of their personal medical history, which does not need to be discussed with anyone except a medical professional. Disclosing ones positive status to a friend, family member or potential mate is a very difficult thing to do. The positive patient needs a comfort zone/level in order to do this with as least amount of stress as possible. If the patient is asked of their status, depending on who is asking will depend if he feels he needs to answer. Meanwhile, practicing safe sex is the most important factor. If you have not told your sex parter of your positive status, and you are practicing safe sex and not putting his health in jepardy, you are probably buying time until the comfort level is where you want it to be so you can discuss this more easily. This does not guarantee a favorable response but you being positive already know that often times responses can surprise us either way. On the other hand, gay males who are playing the field should practice safe sex since you don’t know 100% if their correct status is negative. Accepting a verbal result of negative is a risk in itself. An HIV negative result printed on legit paper as negative is accurate until X amout of time after the test is reported negative. I unfortunately don’t know the answer to the accuracy of the negative result for X amout of time after testing. It is up to all of us to take the responsibility of preventive actions and choosing a more healthy way of life.
I’m black,I’m HIV+,it’s on my profile and unless i am comfortable i will not not unlock my face-pics.So far it means i have met a far more balanced and mature kind of trade and alot of the problems of disclosure are dealt with at the outset.
I could name at least a dozen other profiles where people have lied about their status (along with their age).
By listing my status i provide the opportunity for closet HIV+,to come out to me,which happens with monotonous regularity.
As someone who does n’t sleep or date non-black men it astonishes me at the parochial attitudes and lack of information displayed by english men of color.A quick search of HIV+ men in any major area of the U.S will confirm this.
Having been positive for twenty years,this is a conversation i was n’t expecting to still have in 2011,it seems dated, self perpetuating and hysterical and takes me back to the dark days of the eighties in terms of our attitudes or maybe farther back to the england of pre-Wolfenden in terms of paranoia.
What’s the differance people lie like a rug in these chat rooms and then they have nothing but excuseswhen confronted. Thats why HIV is as rampant as it is in the world.
There is ONLY ONE type of person who knows for absolute 100 percent sure that they are HIV Negative, and that is someone who has not had any type of sex for over 1 year and has then tested negative. In today’s gay society, that means that 1 out of 1 million gay people can say with any degree of certainty that they are negative, because we have so much sex, protected or not.
So, unless the person is a virgin, or has not had sex for over a year and has tested negative, then they are LYING THEIR ASS OFF if they say they are negative. That’s why I leave mine blank, I don’t want to give a false sense of security to someone because I would be lying if I said “oh yeah, I know I’m negative”.
There are many things that people lie about on this site and in life. HIV is just one of them. Having been infected for 20 years and watched dozens of friends die over the years, I know that this is serious business. It is estimated that 1 in 75 men in Houston are infected. (that is including ALL men – the rates in men who have sex with other men and are hooking up on a site like this will obviously be much higher). Posting HIV status on the profile may or may not make the conversation easier. The point is, sooner or later you are going to have to face the issue. You can bury your head in the sand but if you have casual (or even non-casual) sex you may one day become infected. Fortunately, it is treatable – if you resolve to live healthily. Many of my friends stayed negative for decades then came up with a positive test – sometimes when they were in their sixties. A piece of paper or MD report professing negativity won’t save you from this challenge. If you do avoid this cross, your friend, relative or even your boyfriend will force you to grow up and face the reality of HIV.
Whether you publish your status or not, shouldn’t you assume that all the dudes on here are positive. All you know is what you are reading about them and face it guys….dudes lie…When you see a profile that says: drink often, drugs often, 3 sums, group sex, anything goes, then they say they are NEG..are you really that foolish to believe that shit that they are NEG….if so, then you really need to reassess your ability to determine whats for you.
simple, just assume everyone is POZ. Why the debate, PROTECT YOURSELF. PERIOD!
There are so many that do not know this, HIV is a disability and therefore is against the law to ask one there personal information that may stop their life in the tracks or discriminate against them. It is one and only ones responsibility to tell one of their status and that is when one is about to expose the other to body fluid only. Until then nothing is need nor required by law to tell. You will discuss only dinner and when it is time to meet for dinner and tell them a minute before they cancel. I strongly suggest A4A take it off of profile or add the other 1000 or if not more status out there that will determine ones fate. Grow up people and stop having everyone take control of what is wrong or right.Rejection can kill you faster than HIV which will soon be listed as a std anyways. Live life to the fullest, God blessed us all.
Knowingly exposing someone to an STD you claimed you did not have is a criminal offense. It is a felony and if it causes severe harm, could get you life in prison or the death penalty. Meds won’t help you much with that. This field is useful to those of us who care, notice that in a profile, take and save a screen shot of the profile and even go so far as to ask, again, in person. When at a bar in SF a few years ago, there was a great ad campaign that was very simple. “How do you know what you know?”. I’ve met people who say they’re NEG but when asked further, they think that’s the case because they’ve only slept with people who TOLD them they’re negative! Wow! Protect yourself and others. Not everyone reacts well to HIV meds and they’re a poison in and of themselves.
I agree with Wh above that this discussion is nice, but if A4A really wants to be proactive about the health of it’s members that they should offer an “Undetectable” category. Statistically, this category is safer than “Negative,” since people are “+” “-” “Don’t Know” and “In Remission,” to foster discussion.
What I want to know is why is HIV status sooo important in a profile? Maybe I want to know if you have mental issues, cancer, violent disorders, diabetes, heart issues, athletes foot, other STDs, bad body oder, bad breath. I find it interesting as how HIV status in a profile is used as form of screen others and its metion of it in a profile is a form of discrimanation. There is a difference between HIV+ and being healthy and AIDS. Many people live happy and normal lives with HIV+ status. There needs to be other categories in profiles related to ANY health issues, NOT JUST HIV status.
I would rather to tell my honest status on any gay sites because I would want to show them that I am honest about myself. I posted my status as a POZ. ONE more thing, I don’t like when men sent me an unlocked pictures without get know me. I often asked them why unlocked pictures before we talk? They said they wanted to see what’s in there? All private pictures are my face and they simply wanted to find out what I look like and knew I have POZ status in my profile. The result, they don’t speak with me. They simply wanted to take an advantage of what we look like and know what’s our status… I would called this, “they invaded our privacy!” because they can tell their friends, Be careful this guy has a POZ and so on… I am simply opened about my status… Again, I don’t take it real personality because the karma will takes care of them for us…
What more, most people who are lying about their HIV status, and they also do lie about their STD status… I often get STD’s from men even thought I TOLD THEM I have HIV POZ and STD FREE… I did ask them, did you have STD? They said, no! They don’t realize that STD does kill you rapidly than HIV POZ does! You can dead from Syphilis within 3 months to year due to damage the organs, cause you to become deaf, blind, and more without antibiotic treatments! PLEASE tell the truth about STD and get yourself TESTED! IF a person finds out that he has STD after sex with you and notify you, you should be more appreciated that he informed you instead of just disappear without saying thank you!
Anybody who lies about their status and then has sex with someone and infects them should be tried for a criminal act. Plain and simple. That will help stop people from forcing their partners to play Russian roulette with their lives.
Well, after reading quite numerous comments on the HIV status online disclosure, there is one debatable element that may have been left out. I found it really interesting to notice that some profiles on a4a state “negative” under HIV status while having “anything goes” for sexual practice, and most usually having “top or verstop” as sexual role. At this point the question here is, are people still going by that your chances of getting a viral infection(HIV, Herpes) are greatly reduced or ther is no risk at all as a TOP practionner since the asssumption must be that they arent receving any semen fluid. Then again something to think about when it comes to how much a guy is willing to bet/risk on what people say about their supposed HIV status!!! Ultimately, if you are neg and planning on staying such for a good while, you protect yourself the best ways known everytime you engage in sexual activities, notably you use a condom……
I believe HIV status is something VERY private, and should be discussed face to face with only your sex partner. Besides of the fact that be what it could be any intelligent person should ALWAYS take precautions…..Anyway whoever is going to lie to you will do so in the profile as well….About asking for doctor’s record as someone suggested here I would not even think of it..it is paranoid and offesnsive.
As an 11 year “survivor’ of HIV, I make sure that my profile is on the “up & up” about my status. That way, if the person can “handle” my status, OK. If he can’t, it’s OK too. @ least, that won’t create a controversy, should sexual relations occur.
I THINK U SHOULD POST IT BUT IN REALITY HAVE THESE QUEERS R NOT GONNA SAY THE TRUTH N E GOT DAMN WAY SO TO BE THE SAFESTR U JUST GOTTA USE PROTECTION MY EX HUSBAND WAS POSITIVE N ME NEGATIVE BUT WE WERE STILL HAPPY SO IT DOESNT MAKE A DIFFERENCE ITS JUST A MATTER OF TAKING THE RIGHT PRECAUTIONS.
as long as there are men who think that going to bed with a man who says he’s “neg” is a form of safer sex, having that feild does more harm than good. it is statistically impossible that there are as few poz gay men online as the number of men who select “neg” in this field would indicate. the ONLY men online you can believe are telling the truth are those who select “poz” — these are men who have nothing to gain and everything to lose by listing their true status. i wish gay men would take their heads out of the sand, assume EVERYONE is poz or has an STD, and take the appropriate safer sex precautions to prevent the spread of disease.
A test is only good at that moment
also if you are being tested then how safe were you?
The past if were not careful can rear its ugly but manageable head.
Isn’t it easier to play safe and just assume everyone is positive for a quick hook up?
If you do go into a relationship longstanding then that is a bridge you have to cross together to move on and I hope if something changes down the line then there is NO BLAME as you made a informed decision
I am an HIV+ male, have been for about 4 years. Due to the social stigma associated with being POZ, I will NEVER disclose my status. I am the reality, so if you think someone is really negative because they say so, think again! And here is another reality; if someone is willing to have bareback sex with a stranger, then they are probably POZ as well.
I am a newbie to sex with men. I have been married for many years but have decided to explore the thoughts that I have tried to suppress for decades. In the past year I have done nothing more than swap oral about a dozen times. I want to move on to anal and other pleasures, but absolutely refuse to do so unless 1. the status question is addressed, and 2. a condom is worn. I realize there is a very small rick of HIV from oral, but everything I read basically says the risk is incredibly low. Asa to anal, I assume all men are positive. Those men who refuse to wrap it up (or allow me to) will not be having sex with me. I am seeking a good time, not a life altering infection.
I am HIV+ but do not publish it, however I do disclose it before sex if it’s ‘hook up’. If I meet someone and it looks like there is chemistry I have found it’s easiest to disclose earlier than sex.
I was diagnosed in 2004 and when I decided to get on a4a, I left it blank..But than you will still have people ask you and I will say yes I am..But nowadays I put that Im HIV+ so that there are no surprises in the future. Yes its personal but than I do have my pic private and open it when Im confortable. There are lots of people that I met on a4a that posted NEG and when they see me online, they will admit that their poz..and thats wrong..I say be honest all the way because if someone those not want to simply chat or hang with you because of you being poz, they are not worth it!
I do not post my status intentionally to see where the conversation goes and it is amazing how few ever ask about it, even if they post “negative”. Try it!
Many men who post “negative” and “safe sex only” will try to have unprotected sex with me when meeting. Do you really feel better about the type of sex you have based on the status posted? It would be like going to a bar where everyone had a button on their shirt that reads “Poz” or “Neg”. Would you take that at it’s face value and use it as a risk analysis when finally going home with that person?
And what’s this deal about showing up to someone’s house with paperwork? LOL! Anyone with a computer can manipulate it and it is totally unverifiable. That’s what patient confidentiality and HIPAA is for.
The bottom line is you should have the discussion about HIV status with everyone and have sex at the same safety level you would if they were positive.
Tommylhill –
Why do you say, “I am undetectable and still have AIDS?”
You do realize the diagnosis of AIDS is a completely different thing than merely being HIV + right?
“A 2009 analysis of all studies to date in heterosexual couples where one partner was HIV-positive – but where most were not on antiretroviral therapy (ART) – has confirmed that a high viral load can significantly increase the risk of transmission, and that a low viral load (which is possible to achieve in a minority of people who do not receive ART) significantly reduces the risk. The authors calculated that out of 1000 HIV-positive individuals with a viral load below 400 copies/ml regularly engaging in vaginal sex with an HIV-negative partner, only one transmission could be expected to occur in the course of a year. In contrast, among 1000 HIV-positive individuals with a viral load above 50,000 copies/ml, at least 90 transmissions could be expected to occur in the course of a year.”
That can be read here = http://www.aidsmap.com/page/1444036/
So being undetectable AND practicing safe sex makes a HUGE HUGE difference in transmission of HIV.
The same information was provided in Swiss AIDS Federation (Aids-Hilfe Schweiz) guidance for healthcare workers which meant that all people with HIV in Switzerland were given information about how to reduce their risk of HIV transmission in ways that did not only include using condoms. They are now told that under certain circumstances – on antiretroviral treatment, with an undetectable viral load for six months, with no other sexually transmitted infections, and under regular follow-up – unprotected sex with their primary partner is as safe as using condoms.
So….use of condoms + undetectable viral load = safest sex besides abstinence.
That said….I think getting tested regularly and getting on meds the minute you are diagnosed is THE most responsible thing – and no one “owes” the disclosure of their hiv status to sexual partners. I’m an advocate for the right to privacy – assume EVERYONE is positive, act accordingly, and you don’t NEED to know.
I think rather than faulting people who want to keep their HIV status private, we should fault those who choose not to go on meds when they have a high viral load….THEY are the ones putting people at risk.
Just sayin – not a popular opinion, but I think it’s sound.
ATTENTION:
In my eyes, everyone is HIV positive.
I am not one to ask anyone I am about to get sexually involved with their HIV status.
Because I would also have to ask them their Herpes, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis A-B & C status too.
And they cannot show me any validation that they are HIV Positive, or Negative, for all of the above diseases either.
So what is the point saying that you are HIV Positive or Negative?
Just because the State Prevention Planning Council, or the CDC tells you to!
Get real people, take your chances if you will.
Protect yourself if or when you can.
Or if you can, stay Celibate (if that too is possible these days).
Condon use is also an option to consider too.
Besides giving the viewer a false sense of security, in that nobody can prove they’ve been celibate or haven’t engaged in unsafe sexual activity since (or right before) their last test date,including a field to designate HIV status in profiles also perpetuates negative stigmas and stereotypes about HIV that encourage people to lie about their status which only helps to further spread the disease. Not only that, but it divides our already marginalized community into pos/neg guys. Do we really need to do that? Plus, it is unrealistic to expect everyone (or anyone) to post sensitive personal information about their health online on the Internet for everyone (and anyone)to see. Exclusionary remarks about race or body type or HIV have no place in online public profiles. HIV should be discussed after both partners have decided there is mutual attraction and interest. Don’t understand why my original posting was never posted.
I like this article but wanted to comment on a response: two pos guys should still practice safe sex. The reason is that they may not have the same “strain” of HIV and what is working for one guy may not work for the other. Viruses can mutate quickly and form new strains, why the drugs may stop working for some and they need a new “cocktail”. So yeah… even if you are pos you should still practice safe sex (as bothersome as those condoms are
I’ve read through the posts here and as I see it, both sides of this issue have lots of validity. I personally choose to disclose my status on the site, in person, over the phone and even when meeting people (sex or no-sex). I do so as I believe that anyone who meets me, whether it be a friend, partner, or fuck buddy has the right to make an informed decision as to whether or not they wish to deal with me. The sad part of this I see regularly is because I’ve disclosed, I have had people upon meeting me tell me they are too HIV+, yet their profile clearly states they are negative. It makes me terribly sad.
Then as conversations go on and we start talking about people we’ve met online, I’m told that they’ve had sex with so-and-so and didn’t use protection. Enter a conversation with this same dude who trips and gives me grief because I disclose. At this point, I mention that he’s most likely had sex with someone who lied about their status and the vehement denial that everyone he’s had sex with is clean. It goes on and on.
While the drugs that are out now have made HIV/AIDS less a death sentence and more a chronic one, it is because of this, I feel, our community continues to engage in risky behavior. If one gets it, he goes to the doctor, gets some pills and access to resources (food, money, living quarters, free or reduced-cost healthcare) and can continue on with life as usual.
The side that isn’t seen are the rituals of pills taken once, twice, or more times a day, doctor appointments that can be monthly, constant needle sticks and the incessant fear every time you catch a cold or the flu and let’s not forget the stigma that comes along with being positive.
While I applaud each and every one of you who has posted and read this blog, I would like to offer this:
It is easy to sit back and regurgitate the things we hear doctors and the media say. It’s easy to say “always use condoms” or talk virus mutations and the like.
I cannot help but wonder how much more effective the prevention message would be if those of us who are HIV+ would start talking about the monumental changes in our lives that we deal with on a daily basis and how much, if given the opportunity to change things, how we’d do things differently. To talk about the pain we experience when we do the right thing and tell someone we’re interested in that we are HIV+ and are callously rejected.
That in the uncaring actions caused by simple ignorance, these individuals in their rejection foster the reasons so many do not disclose.
we’re men. . .practically, we’ll stick our d*ck inside anything or any any d*ck inside a hole (lubed or not). . .whatever your preference.
the disclosure to hiv is a moot point on this website and any other website.
the truth is that guys will lie about their status, and even those that are brave still get bb’ed. . .only providing more weight to my opening sentence.
It helps that a4a has this question in the profile. Whether everyone is honest about it or not is for another discussion….however…if you are pos and you list neg and you hook up with someone and have unprotected sex and you did not disclose your hiv pos status before you had sex…guess what…IT IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE!!!!! Not only can you be charged with attempted murder for the sexual act, you can also be charged with conspiracy to commit murder for your answer to the questionaire on a4a or other websites. Check with your local lawyers or DA’s…
Wow…why are we even discussing this. In Europe everyone is presumed positive when engaging in sex with strangers. Unless you have a way of certifying that someone is Neg, then why even play that game?
Safer sex means Risk Assessing as adults and taking personal responsibility. Anyone who is Negative seeking only to play with other Negatives as stated in the profile status is a false comfort. Why not just assume everyone is positive and play accordingly?
Even if someone states they are Negative (and we know some falsely state that on here) why not just be proactive. It also unfortunately assumes that Negative people cannot play with Positive people. There are people of Negative people who have remained so for years while still playing with Poz guys. Let’s not create a sub-class of guys who are Positive who have the comfort level to state so. Why have status even as a profile question? At least European guys have a healthier attitude about safer sex.
The way I see it… Assume everyone is positive and use condoms with everyone you sleep with. So many people try to blame it on the positive guys when in actuality negative men seem to be a little more sexually open. I am the only positive guy in my group of friends and they tell me some wild stories of their sex lives, not to say that I don’t have fun, but they are way more sexually out there than I ever was. To be honest I am SHOCKED at how some of them are still negative! I have had negative guys talk to me before and when I disclose I am positive some actually don’t mind doing bareback! WTF!?! Whether someone be negative or positive is no excuse to not use a condom. And if you are going to have unprotected sex at least know what you are getting into regardless of what any man tells you.
I also am Poz I have it right out there and don’t hide a damn thing. As another said my moral compass wont allow it. I also state that I will not play with NON poz guys. I cant ell you how many neg’s or don’t knows come back with “I’m really POZ” Well then your a Liar and I *TRULY* have no time for you. Someone said that a misleading diagnosis in the bio should be criminal, I have to agree. Just cause we made bad choices in our lives and now are dealing with them it doesn’t mean we have to take some other person’s choice away from them.
See you on the line
I left my status field unpopulated only to realize that people assumed that it meant I was positive. The fact of the mattter is most people do believe what they read which is dangerous because the HIV status field makes it easier to lie about one’s status, a situation that many take advantae of. This is why I left it blank initially. I was treating it as irrelevant,only to realize people form all kinds of opinions about you based on how they interact with the world, not necessarily how you interact with it.
At the end of the day I assume my parnters are Positive and I act accordingly.
I think the whole idea of posting status is sort of stupid unless you’re one of the few men that have a large enough set of nuts to post you are in fact HIV positive. I have been positive for years and have that fact posted in my profile. However, it only seems to be beneficial to other men that are also poz and “looking for the same” or members that are man enough to be “poz friendly”. As for the rest of the members, it serves only as an honest warning so they can run home to their mommies. The fact is, I personally know MANY men on here that are in fact HIV positive and blatantly lie about their status to increase their chances of getting laid. I also have chatted with a couple very disturbed members that lie about their status to deliberately infect other naive men that are dumb enough to believe whatever they are told. The simple reality of it is, everybody should treat anyone else, especially on internet sex hookup sites, like they are HIV positive because they are in fact playing with fire. And no, I am not a public health official, just a man living with the reality of being HIV positive.
I consider the hiv status field a service to those of us poz men who choose to sero-sort (google it). I wouldn’t use a site that did not provide a place for hiv status, its too difficult to weed out the poz from the non poz.
I do not feel that disclosure is the answer to this problem. In todays world of technology the question of how secure that information is and what ramifications it could have for someone are concerning. The need for proper education and that we look at everyone as being positive while having sex is key. Treating every partner as though they are positive and not having to question them is practice that everyone should make a habit. How can you assume or trust a stranger. With today’s therapy there are very limiting characteristics that you can tell just from looking at someone.
Thank you for this conversation! Too many people say that they are seeking a DDF partner with safe sex only. What would it matter is someone is POZ if you are having safe sex with them. Please educate yourself, you can not become HIV positive by having SAFE sex!
And if you believe that they are telling the truth that they are negative, then that is on you for believing someone that is already lonely and depressed because they want to find a partner for the night.
GET TESTED! KNOWLEDGE IS POWER WHEN IT COMES TO HIV! Today medications will help you to live a healthy life!
just be safe
Anyone who objects to posting their status on this site (and similar sites whose purpose is primarliy to meet men for sexual encounters) does not have a negative status. Being a good online citizen means that you take responsibility for yourself and what you put out (or don’t put out) into cyberspace. More importantly than being a good online citizen is being responsible and truthful.
JP,
That is so untrue, objecting to post something that is personal is not being a bad online citizen. People have so much to deal with in todays society, and deal with things in different ways. The stigma that this disease still has not not only in the gay but in the straight world is unreal. Everyone should look at everyone as being positive and just practice safe sex. How do you know you are disease free if your not tested monthly? Perhaps being a good online citizen then should be pasting that you are married and have children and are having unsafe sex behind your spouses back. Just think of the ramifications of that are they your good online citizen as well. Be real think of what your saying. Anthony
Safety is key, Rather or not someone has their status listed doesnt mean they are being honest about it. I certainly dont mean to be an ass, but I never believe what they have listed. Its just to easy to lie. It goes long with people who have their last test dated listed in their profiles however they have “safe sex only” listed in their profile. I am guessing most of them have had or is having unprotected sex so tey feel the need to post that info.
Like Bottmdude stated- knowledge is power……..
Here’s my article I’ve written regarding the issue…
Online dating has become the most core substratum of what makes gay men alike interact, and frankly quite the nuisance. Every profile almost always seem repetitive and mundane. Every one man is “Athletic” build but pictures show no evidence of such claims. Every other guy has an 8″ to 9″ penis, but contrary to again what pictures dictate, someone clearly never taught them how to measure their tool. Napolean Complexes have gone rampant in this divided little community of online players. But the most callous and seemingly injust detail I’ve grown to get sick of is when said person broadcasts his last STD testing date.
It never ceases to confuse me as to why that is even remotely relevant. Does it show that the person is concerned enough with themselves, and responsible enough, to take themselves to the local free clinic bi-monthly to test themselves? Does it say “Hey! Look at me! I’m an adult and look after myself?” A lot of the profiles you’ll see on a gay “dating” website will almost always say when their last STD test was and “DD Free” — which means “Drug and Disease Free.” But riddle me this… Just as much as you expect others to assume that by listing your last STD testing date, you are subjectively inclined to be treated as “Negative”; would it be unwise to suggest that those same people who post their last STD testing date are also showing that they obviously must have put themselves at risk for STDs and HIV, by having unprotected sex just because two people meeting may say they are both Negative? Let’s face it, kids… You’re only fooling yourself in believing that just because you test negative, everything will be fine. And just because you tested negative, does NOT mean you should go ahead and have unprotected sex just because the other person claims they are negative, too. There are still other STDs out there that don’t necessarily act on what’s in your bloodstream, but rather certain bacterias that may invade your system.
My name is Mario Ion, and I am one year into being HIV Positive.
It’s alarming how many gay dating websites have the HIV Status checkbox for “Negative,” “Positive,” “Don’t know,” or “Rather not say.” but no checkboxes for all the other STDs out there… As if HIV is as bad as it gets. Here’s a thought… Wear a rubber? You should look at everyone as if they too were positive and just wrap it up. Condoms go a long way, and pretty much EVISCERATE the potential to contract HIV. But I think the most preposterous thing I’ve come across in these gay dating websites are other HIV+ men who put “Anything Goes” as their answer for whether or not they practice safe sex. Two Positives don’t make a Negative, and that only implicates your health more, as you may reinfect yourself and start the process over again on a more multiplied level(s).
There’s no clichè sob story to feed you as to how I contracted it. I’m just the average young adult who makes stupid mistakes sometimes, and often gets lost in moments that seem to cloud my judgment or my sense of responsibility. And I’ve always been the monogamous relationship type of guy, whose only fault is that I trust people too easily and give them the benefit of the doubt. That said, yeah, I slipped — I trusted someone I was with, and deal with the consequence of that mistake now. Though I wouldn’t call it a consequence… It’s really not as bad as people make it out to be.
TRUTH: You are more inclined to getting sick. HIV works against your immune system, so some key factors include: healthy diet; maintaining vitamins and minerals in your bloodstream; treating your body with respect, and by that I mean not binge drinking or taking commercial drugs “recreationally” or any type of selfish vice that may juxtapose your health.
TRUTH: You are the most contagious the first couple of months after contracting HIV; as the proteins reproduce and bind to your cells. But that doesn’t suggest you’re a walking timebomb. After some time, your body can and most likely will produce anti-bodies that may work with HIV. In most cases, patients don’t even need medications to control the strains.
I myself am not on medications just yet because it wasn’t suggested by my doctor. She said my levels are just fine and my diet is accomodating my body just right. Blood sugars, fat, cholesterol, vitamins, minerals, are all very good and my blood is apparently rich. And my Nutritionist suggested that if I keep this up, I may never even need the medications. I look at this virus as a god damned miracle. Before I had it, I was a naive child who’d do stupid shit; drink like crazy, do drugs, have sex all the time, barely even taking my vitamins and eating all sorts of junk food. Now? Now I’m treating myself and my body with respect.
Maybe if it was still 1970′s, 80′s, and even most of 90′s, where there wasn’t much knowledge of the virus and subsequently not enough proper care to provide it, it would be a big deal. But we are in 2011 now and frankly, HIV is nowhere near as bad as it used to be. You can live a healthy, long, normal life with it and in most cases not even really be affected by it; it’s just there. Lingering. Controllable. Much like the average person with Diabetes can live a normal life, one with HIV can as well.
So with that said, I implore any HIV discriminating asshole to go ahead and educate yourself with it, and how it works. And please, stop discriminating us. You’d be surprised how easy it is to live with, and how much of a good guy you’re missing out on all for the sake of some silly little mainstream status.
Dear ADA (American Disability Act)
Actually the ADA laws do not apply in the way you state, there are other laws (some state and some federal) regarding ‘public health’ and some specific to HIV that override other laws.
Laws that protect patient / physician confidentiality also do not apply under certain circumstances. A physician can warn a known sex partner of an infection, but may only do so if he believes it will prevent a new infection. Before the physician can do so, they must have a strong reason to believe that the infected individual is hiding his HIV status from his partner.
Right or wrong, there are laws in many states that REQUIRE an HIV+ person to disclose their status before having sex and not doing so is a legally punishable offense. At least 300 people have been criminally prosecuted for knowingly infecting others. The ‘crime’ can be as severe as a manslaughter or attempted manslaughter charge.
These state laws are often spoken about in the context of HIV Criminalization or willful exposure.
For more information on the laws in your state see Lambda Legal: http://www.lambdalegal.org/our-work/publications/general/state-criminal-statutes-hiv.html
For legal assistance or more information on HIV related laws see HIV Law and Policy: http://www.hivlawandpolicy.org
Well, I am a physician who is HIV Neg but treat many patients that are Positive. I can tell you that those posting Positive who are honest and taking meds with a controlled, now legally and medically considered “chronic”" illness not a terminal, are much more safe to have sex with than those lying about status and not medicated, or those that have not been tested. Many of the guys on websites, in their minds, can continue to post NEG if they have never been tested and no one has told them otherwise. These are the ones with incredibly high viral loads and the ones most infectious. In fact, most countries in Europe now classify HIV as non-infectious for those with non detectable viral load. I really wish someone would educate the masses on the difference and the distinctions. The highest percentage of new HIV infections is occuring in so called, Straight or Bi men. Texas, Dallas county in particular second in the country with new HIV infections just behind Georgia, with highest being in Atlanta. Men that would participate in post diagnosis surveys admitted they did not get tested so they could still declare NEG and attract, have sex with other NEG guys. SO its all a mess, men lying, those telling the truth being subjected to undo criticism and shunned when the dangerous ones are ones not tested or lying, both carrying extremly high viral loads.
I know of someone personally who is lying right now about his HIV status online. He is positive, but lists himself as negative and then is looking “right now” for hookups. He’s endangering so many potential partners. It’s sad to watch, but there’s nothing I can do.
Anyone who adjusts their sexual behavior by what they simply read and ASSUME to be true is quite ignorant, not to mention uneducated. Safe sex should be practiced REGARDLESS of what someone claims to be true. Do you really trust your health to the word of a stranger? To do so doesn’t seem too responsible. That being said, this health question and it’s provided answer are completly moot points. This, my friends, should be blatantly obvious to even the basest of intelligence.
This topic scares the hell out of me! People lie. I think just assume that the guy is positive- and ask even if the profile says negative.
I am HIV positive. It is on my profile. It is a personal choice. My honesty empowers me. If I can not embrace who I am, and accept that I failed miserably at taking care of myself, then how can I regain my self worth? The ignorance of those that think that honesty about it is on a “need to know” basis are fools. This website is a vehicle to satisfy our carnal needs, and when you, and whoever you are with, are together and about to get it on, who’s to say that morality, ethics and just plain courage will win over your need to dump a load? People will have their secrets, your HIV status should not be one of them, especially on Adam4Adam.
1. I respect poz guys who pose their status.
2. I understand if they don’t, which is acceptable.
3. However, I hate it so much if they lie to me personally when we proceed to meet and have sex. For those guys, damn!!!!
4. I have had sex with 5 confirmed poz guys. None of them revealed their status to me and lied about it. 4 of them tried to bb me. damn damn damn these guys!
5. now I’m smarter and I assume everyone is poz. But there was time I didn’t know much about HIV, and was trusting so much and relied on whatever they told me. A “fool” guy can reduce his risk if poz guys can reveal their status honestly.
6. Bottom line for poz guys who know their status: do not bb (no matter who initiates it) without revealing status!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. Just list a couple of poz guys who lied to me about their status:
kuhiofun
Eclipseya
I know of a few guys who posted themselves as Negative when I knew this couple was HIV+. These guys mainly targeted married men…and I tried to educate them in how terrible it was for them to tell folks they were negative even though these dudes said they used condoms.
BOTH guys had been married to women. The one got his HIV from his divorced partner. DUH…I believe the denial of status forces these guys to state themselves as being negative. I do not list either way..but tell folks in emails. Most back away. EVEN though, I know these same guys have had sex with the two HIV+ guys. I tried to warn one guy who I know had sex with this couple and the guy refused to believe me. Of course, he doesn’t use condoms with guys who “say” they are negative.
There is the issue of oral sex too…what do you all think of oral sex as being safe for NOT transmitting HIV. My doc tell me all it takes is a bleeding gum and a scratch on the guy’s penis.
I am a handsome 54 yr old man. BUT, once I say HIV+ most fly away. BUT, at least I can go to sleep knowing I was at least honest.
Telling the truth is my key, but sometimes we fail to tell because of the rejections and names we get, but for me truth is always the key, i met people who is negative and i told them about my status, they say to me thank you for lettimg me know, and it doesnt change a thing that what ever we do le’ts protec both ourselves
we all who is dealing with this positive status should realized, how we felt when we were told about our status and still dealing with it, it’s like a death sentence for us, why should we sentence someone else ,we dont have that right to do so, always say the truth to whoever you’re going to play with,sleep with, or etc.
gossips, all gaymen likes to gossips like women, and we can’t stop that. but we can stop spreading the virus to one and other.
Many interesting topics here. I know positive people who only hookup online where they can show their poz status in their profile because they absolutely hate risking the moment of rejection face-to-face. They find it efficient.
I’ve seen one website that doesn’t ask HIV status but has a field: Safer Sex: with answer choices: Always, Never, Needs discussion, Blank. I like how it allows for privacy, and encourages conversation for those who make subtle choices in condom use.
The reality is while some people always use condoms, some never do, most people are making some choices about occasional condom use or disuse with full understanding of the risks, and potential for lying or unknown status.
There was some study recently that estimated the number of positive people who lie outright on online profiles was quite high (I forget the number). Add to that those who are positive and don’t know it yet, you get a fairly unreliable data-point. Same could be said about age, cock-length, weight, etc. Yet they are starting points for people who have a sense for their potential inaccuracies.
Meanwhile, for those who say 100% intention to use condoms can stop HIV, they are right, it is very effective but it is not perfect. Condoms break, guys start with a condom on then sneak it off while fucking, guys cut the top off of condoms to pretend they are fucking with it but still exposing the person. So a bottom would be wise to be extra rigorous about checking the condom before, during, and after. And to know how and where to get PEP in the case where things go badly.
Meanwhile, there are moves afoot to allow in-home rapid testing. It is about time. For those who change their behavior based on their and their partner’s status, having a test available could weed out a huge swath of liars and unknown. It leaves just people recently infected in the window period but still a HUGE improvement over trusting what a person says.
Even better, newer and cheaper testing technology that gives rapid results with a one-week window period are in the approval process. If at home testing with that test could become the community norm, HIV transmission rates would go down and honesty go up. I think the FDA and others should move rapidly to break-up the testing mafia and allow people better tools to make informed decisions.
The HIV status box encourages people to lie and to deny their personal need to get tested. Posting positive status on a public site can invite other unintended consequences. Status can change, but the box does not change with it. I prefer the policy of sites like gayRomeo, one of the most popular European hookup sites, which last I saw did not have a HIV box at all. If people feel the need to state their HIV status, they can do so in their profile. It seems most Europeans do not state it.
While I completely agree with everyone here who says that we should assume that every person we have sex with anonymously is positive and therefore it is always a must to engage in protected sex, I believe that we have the MORAL OBLIGATION to disclose our true status. If one deliberately lies about it, considering he is fully aware that he is positive, he is doing an utter DISSERVICE to the gay community and the larger society. He is not only helping curb the spread of HIV, he wants someone to feel his own health sufferings. I know someone who lied to me, and although we had protected sex, it was an outright betrayal.
Responding to Jason on Jan 14.
If you have a problem with instant gratification maybe you should be spending your time in a seminary. After which you can have all the young ones your judgemental heart desires. Criminalizing HIV, only continues to stigmatize, and does not make you any safer. It discourages people from getting tested, therefore treated. People who are being treated effectively are highly unlikely to infect others.
As for your idea for having a listing on a4a asking people if they are free of std. It sounds like someone who wants to be whore without accepting personal responsibility for any possible consequences.
I wouldn’t publish something like diabetes, leukemia, Hodgkin’s or anything like that to a profile, it’s no one’s business, especially since it’s a private matter that you share later on in some level of intimacy, similar to HIV. You guys need to remove the field – there are a bunch of guys who post fake profiles with an HIV+ status just so they can troll around and find out who contacts them.
Syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, HPV and a host of other diseases run rampant, and they can kill pretty quickly. If I got an HIV test 5 years ago and it was negative, and don’t get another one (very common), I can still publish HIV-
Gentlemen: as the A4A post begins, “it’s marketing and sales.” If you expect truth in advertising, it’s not here, on Facebook, television, or commerce! Get real! You return a misrepresented product to the seller. Not here. Buyer beware! A4A is encouraging smoke and mirrors. They say so in the post itself! Be safe, practice SAFER (not “safe”) sex. Be upfront and honest with your medical provider. Get the facts. Get tested for sexual transmitted infections regularly if you have sex. Grow up!
I don’t post my status,because it’s a topic that should be talked about before a “hook-up”.I am pos,and always honest.That should be talked about in private massages,or in person,so a decision can be made.I have met plenty of guys,that are willing to meet,date that are neg.There are other ways to enjoy the contact of someone else,besides raw buttsex!
I think it is a violation of personal medical privacy to ask men to disclose their HIV status in a public online forum like A4A. The only people who have the right or need to know someone’s HIV status is the person them self and the person they have sex with. A4A would not ask if someone has cancer or the flu or any other STD, but insists on asking about HIV status? It only perpetuates the continued fear and misunderstanding of HIV and the negative stigma that HIV positive gay men have to face including being rejected by other gay men. I have read through many of the other comments posted here and I am not alone in my feeling on this and I think this should be an issue that A4A should see is a really big issue for its users and should act on it by eliminating HIV status from its check list of questions. If someone really wants to advertise their status they can enter it in free text into their profile. But by choosing not to enter a check in a box, those of us who feel our medical information is private are not given much of a choice. If you elect to leave no answer people make assumptions.
P.S. I have seen many profiles and so many people lie,or don’t update.
Here is my approach to this. I do not make ANY exceptions about protected sex no matter what people’s profile says on HIV status. Honestly, I slept with probably four thousand people and used condoms every single time. Guess what. I get tested once a month and every time I am tested negative. Condoms work as my experience shows. I have knows people who advocatesafe sex, but many times make exceptions when they are drunk or in the mood for unsafe sex. No matter how drunk I am, no matter how hot the guy is, no matter what: I do not make ANY exceptions about condoms. I recommend my approach to everyone.
Hi, I wanted to respond to Jason 1/14 & Corey 1/18. I reside in Indiana. Indiana does have some sort of statute through the Indiana State Dept of Health something on the order of…If a person lists themselves as HIV- on a site advertising themselves as NEGATIVE and the person knows they are POSITIVE there could be some sort of criminal prosecution. Here in Indiana we DO have statutes which state one must disclose HIV+ status before having sex.
Of course the ISDH does not have sharp teeth to prosecute. They do have an office dedicated to contacting the people and reminding them about the statue of disclosing HIV+ status before having sex. IF need be, this office contacts local health departments or the Aids Care Site where the person is a client.
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I hate it when the older generation is always accusing the younger generation of not caring and asking others about their status. Ive found out that its the older generation who are always trying to get that sneak in without using protection then when you say something its like ” oh yea i forgot ” come on now seriously. Treat EVERYONE as if they are poz protect yourself. I personally dont have a problem with poz men you cant discrimnate because of that. People just assume that if your poz you were doing some nasty things, or you were just sleeping around not caring. Which is not always the case. Poz men and women need love to and i think people should stop being so judgmental about it, try and get to know a poz person. I bet your opinions will change!
I feel that you can’t trust anyone…. Just yourself! I film and produce my own amateur porn and I treat everyone as if they as positive! You can’t go by what people say, as they say talk is cheap! I am negative and have dated someone of positive status, but took the right precautions to protect myself. This is a very important matter and alot of people, need to wake up and realize “It’s Not a Game!”
It’s amazing how much misinformation there is about HIV and there is definitely a lack of perspective. Disclosure laws, for the most part, were written when it was a death sentence. The reality is that things have changed. A twenty-year-old who finds out that they are positive today and starts receiving treatment will most likely have the same life expectancy that they would have had before becoming infected. There are ongoing advances in treatment everyday, and for a lot of people being HIV+ would have no impact on their quality of life if it weren’t for the undeserved stigma (especially in the gay community).
MOST people starting treatment today respond well. After starting treatment, my viral load dropped by over 90% in FOUR DAYS. Within three weeks, it was undetectable.
I started treatment immediately after testing positive because my CD-4 count was low, but I had never had any opportunistic infection or recognizable symptoms. No one would have thought, or would think, that I am HIV+ just by looking at me. I’m young, athletic, smart and have a great career.
My HIV status on A4A was negative until I tested positive, which means that my status on A4A was pretty irrelevant in terms of whether or not I would spread HIV. The bottom line is that it’s unlikely that I could spread it now- given the extremely low levels of HIV in my bodily fluids- but at the point that I had my status listed as negative my viral load was incredibly high and I wasn’t even aware of it!
The only people who know I am HIV+ are my partner and my health care provider. It does not define me in any way, and I see no reason to tell family members or friends. One reason people are so scared to get tested is because everyone makes a much bigger deal out of it than the reality ends up being for most people. It can be treated with one pill a day with few side effects. In the near future, it will likely be one injection a month. The worse part for me has been having the initial labs done and the first couple of appointments with my doctor. Now- it’s one appointment every three months and one set of labs. That’s nothing to complain about.
The type of disclosure that everyone is talking about is irresponsible. It may be the law in some states, but it gives people a false sense of security and spreads HIV.The reality is that you’re HIV negative until you aren’t. You could test negative today and test positive tomorrow. People are more at risk of contracting HIV from someone who says that they are negative than a person who says that they are positive and undetectable. No one should intentionally infect someone else, but I don’t think that a person who is undetectable should have to disclose their status as long as they only engage in safe sex.
One thing that hasn’t come up in this entire conversation is root cause of the spread of HIV in the gay community. It’s not that gay sex is more dangerous, it’s that gay guys have a lot more sex with a lot more people. The best way to not catch HIV is to drastically reduce the number of sexual partners, and not hook-up with strangers. Besides, there are other things like hepatitis that can’t be treated effectively.
Boys…boys…boys….Let’s be real. Take a look at the statistics out there. Then do a search on a4a for “positive” profiles. Take that number and multiply it by the percentage of men who are positive. The numbers don’t add up. For exmple: There could be 2000 men online in one city and only 10 profiles show up on a “positive” search. People are not posting their real statuses on here. Can you blame them? Negative or not, we need to assume that everyone is positive. I have encountered many guys on here who say they are negative and then want to have unprotected sex just because they said they were negative. We have all had sex with someone who is positive. You might not have known it…but you have. Even if a guy were to tell me he was positive, I would still have protected sex with him. That’s why we wear condoms in the first place isn’t it? Drop the stigma and start educating yourself. Ignorance is bliss and also not an excuse for acting stupid. Wear a condom, you’ll be fine. Don’t wear one…you have only yourself to blame. Take responsibility for your own actions. You know the risks involved. So who wants to fuck?
I know there are a lot of guys here in denial about their HIV status and the dangers of unprotected sex. Besides HIV the next biggest health issue that is showing up now is HPV which over 50% of all sexually active adults have or have been exposed to which causes oral, peninle, vanginal and anal cancer, after that then comes Hepatitus A,B,C,and D, then we get down to all the other STD’s. I do charity work and outreach in the community, if you mention these things you get silence or get shouted down (I learned to yell back!), sadly people don’t realise that they can be tested and it takes up to 6 months before they seroconvert and show up as HIV+, and FYI the oral test is not 100% accurate, you can show up HIV Negative in the oral test but actually be HIV Positive with the blood test. Go to http://www.thebody.com for the most comprehensive information. And always play safe! (Body Condoms are still sold
for germaphobes).
I just wanna say that being undetectable doesn’t mean squat to anyone but you and your physician. If you’re poz, you’re poz… you can (and will) still transmit the virus to other people through unsafe sex, regardless of your viral load. No, A4A doesn’t need an “undetectable” option in the HIV status thing.
I’d argue, too, for the continuing inclusion of the HIV status profile option, mostly because it allows guys who are poz and wish to do so to self-identify and save themselves the hassle of having to bring it up over and over again.
Finally, the look back windows on HIV RNA tests (at least, the kind they perform here in Seattle) are about 7-10 days before the test date. The rapid antibody tests (the oral and finger prick versions) are about a month. It does not take 6 months for your status to show up.
Disclosing your HIV status online is a personal choice.
However, having it come down to some moral or ethical decision is something that should not be stressed on a site like adam4adam. It is completely ridiculous and it further creates stigma in the gay community. However, creating a venue that encourages discussion about personal health is perhaps a better option.
Since when did HIV status become a social signifier of suitable mates? This disease is something that is a part of all our history. Negative or not, this disease is affecting us all. No one has the correct answer to how we should tackle this, but we should all talk with one another. We should all start in helping to create communities of peace and equality…. not just pieces of equality that we are willing to accept or negotiate.
SO much to be said, first off they need an undetectable status to post but those of the poz status should only contact poz people don’t sleep with them condoms are Not 100% especially when expose to air after friction. SO do you really believe “what good is having it if you can’t share it!” Really to all you poz first of you are not right by believing it is not fair to share your status while making a connection and saying it is everyone elses responsibility to ask the hard question statements like that make me want to rethink supporting HIV/AIDS charities grow up and get off the drugs an own your mistakes!!! I’m neg and have a poz partner. and am disgusted at some of the community plays. if you are soo scared then just have body pick till you make a connection but post your status. MAN UP
For those of you who are asking to see a Dr. report, let me offer that I have an artificial heart valve and must have anticoagulant studies done every month to check clotting factors of my blood. I ask that every third draw an HIV test be included regardless of my sexual activity or inactivity in those three months. I have never received a formal Dr. report for either my INR (clotting study) nor my HIV status (always reported to me as negative) but do receive counseling with each draw of an HIV titer-have since my first test back when the test was first available. In reality to demand that information is illegal as you are asking for disclosure of legally protected private information.
HEY Frsnobear,
I agree with you 100%. The HIV+ guys I knew who lied on A4A always said “Hey, don’t worry we use condoms.” I asked them about STDs they may get by giving or receiving head? What about kissing?
One of those guys wanted to have sex with me. I told him NO WAY. After all the anonymous tricks this guy had on a continual basis made his HIV status take a back seat to what else is most likely growing in his body.
Since this pair seemed to have sex with primarily married men I wonder how they’d feel if one of the guy’s wive’s ever tested HIV+?
I believe that A4A should provide an UNDETECTABLE option as this is an important option to let people know you take care of your health and do all you can to reduce the risk to others.
Such a timely article. Understandably its option on A4A to answer most questions, but every assume you are positive if you leave it off.What next will they ask – Your SIN, your OHIP? Where does privacy stand. And most ignorant people on the site, THINK they are negative when they have not had a test in years. So, back to A4A, are you doing a disservice and contributing more to thislack of privacy and paranoia when you poise this question online ? Where does the book stop.
People need to focus on dialogue.. I urge eveyrone to ASK someone their status outight even when they say Negative. The few brave ones who disclose their positive status – kudoos to you.
If Negative guys didnt treat HIV + guys so poorly,then maybe they wouldn’t feel so compelled to lie about their status.
Theres PLENTY of Perfectly healthy nice HIV+ guys out there but as soon as You know their Status,U shut them down and treat them like crap and as if they dont care about themselves and their health.You wont even say hello..
I Believe I see the word “CLEAN” used alot to describe someone thats not Poz..thats so rude and cruel.I dont blame a guy for lying..that alone is enough to piss someone off into not caring about that person.what makes u so Clean?.Dicks.
Its Up to You and You alone to pretect YOUR SAFETY and HEALTH..did U think someone was gonna hold ur hand walking across the street your whole life? No.and U cant expect others to watch over ur health and safety.Guys Lie,They Dont know or they might have something else worse than HIV.If U dont play Safe U have NO ONE BUT URSELF TO BLAME.Not the guy that lied about his status..U should blame urself for being a nieve fool for believing him and not playing safe.
We dont Live in an Idealistic World were everyone cares about everyone else and everyones honest to each other.If Ur not looking out for Urself..to bad Dude.
Im Poz and Proud !!Ive been Poz 10 yrs and Ive felt as healthy or more healthy than most negs I meet because my attention is more focused on my health.I look and feel better than guys 19 yrs younger than me that are Neg.If Your Poz and Healthy ADMIT IT and be an example for these guys w narrow and stereotypical views of Poz Guys !!
Ive been in 3 LTRs with Negative guys and we had great sexual relations even w/condoms AND they are still Neg..so theres really alot of un-needed fear out there.Still I admit its a bit drier than being in a hot raw action sexfest w another Hot Healthy PozGuy !!Amen
HIV is not a Death Sentence as anyone that hasnt had their Head up their Ass knows.In fact I think I get a worse reaction from my Vitimin pills than my HIV Meds..
The WHole Neg Date Thing is Laughable-I Hope that fad ends soon.I know guys that post fake dates..I know guys that posted it and 2 weeks later they’re Poz so seriously..Its right up there with “No Fats,No Fems” offensive and Outdated
as for the HIV Button..Its Pretty ineffective and a very shallow way to go about an important issue..ever hear of talking to ea other.give it a try…U might be missing out on Some Awesome Guys !!Thanks Ladies.
I am so glad to see that a lot of guys take the same stand on this as I. It actually bothers me to see sites like Adad4Adam and others like it to even add the question of HIV status on the site. I personally know several people that are HIV+ who say that they are negative. It allows people an easy platform to lie about their status and give the other person a VERY FALSE sense of security that the other guys is actually telling the truth. It also promotes the stigmata that is associated with HIV. If your going to put Negative or Positive then by all means ADD UNDETECTABLE. It might actually teach people a new term. Recently Swiss Doctors stated that if one is HIV positive, and Undetectable and on Meds then there is NO CHANCE of infecting another person. NOW I am not saying that this is free reign to have unprotected sex; but it might start promoting getting on a regiment of medication so more of us will be undetectable and will stop hiding from the TRUTH!
I assume that everyone is lying in regards to their HIV status, and there will be dialogue of their status face to face on my behalf. I have met some who are positive and had negative in their profile, so you still need to have that conversation. Know that people will lie to get what they want and I agree it’s our responsibility that everyone know their status and to be open and honest about it. I think it’s irresponsible to take the power of choice from someone when you lie in order to benefit your sexual favor. I sey treat everyone as if they are positive and protect yourself because there’s more HIV out there along with other STD’s. Be safe and enjoy your search
Although well intentioned – I think the HIV status bar on a4a reinforces stigma. As mentioned by several people ‘neg’ doesn’t necessarily mean someone is seronegative, it is just a belief that could be held in error. Or a desire to not advertise to the world that you are poz. Or wanting to circumvent discrimination against hooking up with poz folks. If you are negative and you want to protect yourself against HIV then you should go about it the same way across the board – regardless of your partners perceived serostatus – using condoms, having conversations, taking PrEP, only having oral sex, or whatever your method might be.
Ultimately, having serostatus be part of an online profile is dangerous. It makes conversations that could actually be helpful to people making decisions about their risk fall by the wayside and makes it so much harder for poz people to out themselves if the condom breaks, or what have you.
Quote: WOW!!! I am angered and in shock! HIV is not easy to live with, and I know of several poz people who have tried to use that line on me to try and let them fuck me with out a rubber. I wonder how many Gay people have fell for such BS and lived to regret it? HIV is manageable but in the end it is a nightmare.
Jason, this is just plain ridiculous. I can’t imagine someone trying to convince another person that they should bottom bareback by saying that HIV is easy to live with.
That said, for most people who start treatment today it is easy to live with. I take one pill a day. That’s it. I’ve had no side effects and other than one doctor’s appointment every three or so months, that’s the extent to how it has impacted my life. If people get tested early and don’t wait until their immune system gets destroyed, this is how it usually ends up. I know that it isn’t this easy for everyone, but for most people nowadays, this is it.
I also questions the statistics about the rate of infection, especially among younger gay men. I know far more gay guys in their late-twenties to mid-thirties who are positive than I do gay guys in that age range who are negative. I’ve never told any of them that I’m positive, so it’s safe to assume that there are others like me who don’t want to broadcast it to the world because of our jobs or other reasons. I live in a moderately-sized resort town. These guys are not club kids or PNP types. Just normal guys- most young professionals with great jobs and lifestyles.
It wouldn’t surprise me if the rate of infection were actually closer to 40-50% in this age group in larger cities or places with big gay populations.
Jim – here is some data on the rates of HIV infection according to the CDC – and you are right, they vary according to location, ethnicity and age. (Note the predominate phrase that public health use is: “Gay men and Men that have sex with men (MSM)”
Keep in mind that according to the CDC MSM represent approximately 2% of the total population.
In 2006, MSM accounted for more than half (53%) of all new HIV infections in the United States
A recent CDC study found that in 2008 one in five (19%) MSM in 21 major US cities were infected with HIV, and nearly half (44%) were unaware of their infection and 55% had not been tested in the previous 12 months.
In this study, 28% (>1 out of 4) of black MSM were HIV-infected, compared to 18% of Hispanic/Latino MSM and 16% of white MSM.
From 2005 through 2008, in the 37 states and 5 U.S. dependent areas with confidential name-based HIV infection reporting since at least January 2005, the largest estimated numbers of diagnoses of HIV infection were seen among MSM aged 35–44 years, followed by those aged 25–34 years. MSM aged 13–24 had the greatest percentage increase in diagnoses of HIV infection from 2005 to 2008 and exceeded the number of diagnoses among those aged 45-54 by 2005.
More data is available here: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/resources/slides/msm/slides/msm.pdf
Jim – I would also value your opinion on this media campaign from NYC: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0ANiu3YdJg
Here is my opinion on the NYC media campaign:
I’ll address the ad itself later, but first I’ll tell you what I think about its effectiveness. If the goal is to stop new HIV infections, then I don’t think that it’s going to succeed for a couple of reasons that probably have less to do with the ad itself and more to do with overall HIV prevention strategy.
We need to be more pragmatic when it comes to stopping the spread of HIV. I’m not an expert in this or a public health official, but to me a pragmatic strategy would be based on a few things:
Acknowledge that current treatments dramatically reduce the risk of transmission of HIV from one person to another. Treatment is the best long-term form of prevention. If everyone who is positive started treatment this year, the number of new HIV infections in two months or a year would be a tiny fraction of what they are going to be.
If that were the goal of public health officials, then they would need to focus on two things to make it a reality: increasing testing (so that the huge percentage of people who are unaware of their infection can start treatment) and improve access to treatment.
A prevention campaign based on these two things would focus on the first step of encouraging people to get tested. Public health officials would try to figure out why so many people are resistant to getting tested and figure out a marketing campaign that is compelling enough to make people want to get tested. The second step would be to ensure that people who test positive have access to treatment.
People don’t want to get tested because it’s easier to just live in denial when it comes to this. There seems to be an “I’ll deal with it when I have to” attitude that leads people to put off getting tested until their immune system has been more damaged by the virus than it would be if they had just bit the bullet and went in, gotten tested, and started treatment. Believe me, I wish I had gotten tested a lot earlier, but I was afraid and can’t really explain why.
From the perspective of a person who works in marketing, I can recognize that public health officials are dealing with a major dilemma: the most effective messaging to encourage people to get tested could also encourage some riskier behavior. BUT, I think it’s worth taking that chance because the messaging of ads that try to increase prevention through fear of riskier behavior also discourage people from getting tested. We need to face the reality that the fear-based “always wear a condom” message just doesn’t work with younger guys, that everyone makes mistakes and that especially in cities where 1 in 4 gay men are positive those mistakes can transmit HIV.
As far as the NYC campaign is concerned, I have a few serious problems with it. It lumps together everyone to create statistics that they use to make their point. Saying that people with HIV are 29% more likely to develop anal cancer is the same as creating a weight-loss campaign that lumps together the health risks of a person who is 400 pounds overweight with people who are 10 pounds overweight and issuing a statement that “overweight people are 8 times more likely to die of a heart attack.” The health issues facing a young guy who tests positive today who still has a relatively healthy immune system are completely different from the health challenges facing a 20-year survivor who has battled their way back from opportunistic infections through years of less effective and harsher treatments. Their statistics aren’t completely honest.
Their ad itself discourages testing by increasing stigma against people who are HIV positive. Less testing means a greater spread of HIV. And it does increase stigma.
If I were to do an ad targeting young gay men based on what I’ve said, it would have this type of message:
HIV is not AIDS. If you get tested now and find out that you’re positive, treatment is available that will help you protect your quality of life and live a normal lifespan. Treatment resources are available for people who can’t afford it. The longer you wait to get tested, the more damage HIV will cause to your body. Visit abcdefgh.com and schedule your test today. It’s time to take control of your life, and we’re here to help you do it.
Will some people use this type of message as an excuse to engage in riskier behavior because they think it’s not a big deal? Maybe. But if more people go in and get tested and start treatment and get their virus under control (I’m talking about that 44% that is positive and doesn’t know it) then the reduction in new infections would get smaller and smaller every year that this type of program is in place regardless of the amount of risky behavior happening.
The NYC ad is just another example of a prevention strategy that has not worked for decades.
i don’t really have anything complicated or flowery to add, here.
based on the comments that i had read, i get an overwhelming sense that most of the “dissenters” here assume that, those other individuals who go so far as to post actual their “negative-result hiv-screening dates´´, do so, solely to imply that it will be okay to have unprotected anal sex with them.
also, i can’t help but register the sentiment, that getting one’s self tested (and publicly posting that these tests’ results were “negative”) is also highly discouraged.
it is pretty easy to settle this “argument,” however:
• assume everyone is positive for … everything
• just don’t ever have sex (or even touch or smell another
person’s “Private Areas”)
i propose another assumption, in that most (or, at least, a sizable majority of the) individuals who say they get themselves screened for HIV, are fully aware of this “window period,” as it relates to any “antibody-negative” result.
but, at this time, this is the best that we have, for mass-public consumption.
and aren’t we always being told, “GET TESTED!!”, besides?
what good is it to “GET TESTED!!” if there’s going to be an extra-layer of doubt casted over those who attempt to showcase their attempt of diligence in Personal Responsibility?
i readily admit, the current “screening system” is flawed..
..but, as i say, it’s all we have, at this time.
however, i’m really not sure what good it is, to have an “HIV Status” field in profiles.
because, as far as i can see it, there are, really, only two choices:
• Positive
• Not Currently Positive
*abrupt end*
So, an amazing number of posts but no response from our “sponsor” = Adam4Adam.
why not put it to a poll to users = how many think it appropriate to expand choices to include UNDETECTABLE?!!!!
And thanks to all the guys who posted, most notably the hiv- gentleman who just assumed that anyone hiv+ is a slut whore, gang banged daily, and brought it upon himself. Consider that there are many other possibilities moron = that people lie and in a monogamous relationship the “bf” misrepresented and in fact had never been tested. Just assumed he was “neg” because he had no symptoms and rarely practiced bareback/non-condom sex.
Think about others that may have gotten it back in the days of blood transfusions = Arthur Ashe.
Proves my point = we need better education.
Scrap the Hiv status button. Although, I am confused about receptive oral sex infection statistics. I went to the SF clinic to get tested and they didn’t want to test at all when I said all I do is oral. I worked up the courage for 6 months, took time off of work to go down there, and they didn’t even want to test me! Now wonder guys don’t want to get tested when they have to go through all of that.
To the guy who posted two screen names on this blog of adam members that are according to him hiv poz and lied about their status. You need to be aware of what you and this site are doing by allowing such personal information to be displayed in such a public open forum.
I am poz and have it on my profile and assume everyone is poz like most smart guys on here should do….I always use protection also. People lie about age,size of their tool and lots of other stuff….Come on guys this is very simple. If you are neg and want to stay neg use condoms…If you bb with strangers or people you are not monogamous with you are probably gonna get hiv.
So this guy did not let these guys bb him. Good for you. What was the point of naming the screen names ?
I just wonder how you would feel if someone posted your screen name on here and said something very personal about the experience.
Great points Jim – I appreciate your response and perspective – thank you for being so thoughtful and for your willingness to be honest.
AND – a big thank you to all those that post their opinions, questions and comments!
Not only do I have my status listed in my profile, it is also part of my screen name. I believe in being upfront about it so there is no confusion. Been amazed at the number of guys writing me saying they are poz but have neg. in their profile, say they are open to having unprotected sex even though they are neg., etc. Have to say I haven’t received any rude or negative emails which I expected. Bottom line is IMO, it is irresponsible to not be upfront if you know you are poz.
answer to Wh: We cannot answer to every comments or suggestions made on the site or blog… Therefore what i suggest you is to state in your profile that you are undetectable, that’s very easy and it will give the information you want to give to your friends and hook-ups.
Dave
To Pozguy:
“Bottom line is IMO, it is irresponsible to not be upfront if you know you are poz.”
You are entitled to your opinion, but I don’t happen to agree.
HIV is a virus, not a plague. You get it from practicing VERY specific behaviors, and based on controlling behaviors, one can avoid getting HIV. Since you can easily avoid HIV by controlling your own behaviors, it’s not irresponsible to want to keep your hiv status confidential. It IS irresponsible to not get tested and to not take care of yourself once you know you are hiv poz.
A person’s right to privacy and confidentiality outweighs another’s right to play. If you want a guarantee, shop at Macy’s. That’s just not real life.
It’s your job to protect yourself – and it’s everyone else’s job to protect THEMSELVES. Just because you are poz, it doesn’t all of a sudden become your job to protect the world.
Just my opinion. I think it’s noble to be honest and open about your status. I applaud you for it. All I’m saying is that the onus isn’t on YOU to protect the world from YOU, it’s on the world to protect itself by practicing safe sex.
The absolute HATE toward HIV+ persons in our society — let’s blame the victim, not the disease — is what drives people underground about their status (go silent, or lie). Online, there are tons of haters. When I disclose my poz status in correspondence online: I’m blocked, hookups cancelled, politely turned down, given sympathy, promptly ignored and sent hate mail for not disclosing up front in my profile. When I disclose in person, I have a face-to-face exchange and discussion that goes far beyond defining myself simply by my status — and I get to know my partner, too, as an individual. How wonderful! Unfortunately, there are lot of so-called educated people who define HIV+ persons as plague-mongerers, and a good chunk of them are right here on our friendly A4A site. Great forum, by the way.
I’m so glad this was sent to my Facebook page today, I myself am newly diagnosed, July 2010 I am still a nervous wreck. I never thought me, I prayed about i’t I have closure now because these words on my heart”Why not you” the State of Georgia Is number five In the United States for the most cases. That Statistic is two years behind, I spent my whole life working with infectious disease never believing I would be a statistic myself. I am abstinent since learning of my status because if I ever have that chance to find Love again i’t will have to be on the basis of honesty, understanding,
and longevity. I assure you now I am only on there for Entertainment purposes only so i don’t say my status really don’t feel like it’s important I’m not active……….
I think I have a new insight and empathy for POZ guys now. I realize it could happen to me. But lik other posts state, there’s a lot of nasty non-HIV stuff out there. I’m pretty sure I got the herp in 2003 from a guy I was wearing a condom with from the grinding that was going on (and he had no symptoms). Thankfully only one outbreak, but I do get the tingles every now and again. I say, assume everyone is POZ. And take away the HIV status button and have a disclaimer stating as such. Problem solved.
If you get HIV– dont blame the other guy– whether he was honest about it or not.
It was YOUR CHOICE to have unprotected sex!
Disclosing HIV status, a confidential medical history, should NOT be published for every person who logs on to a4a, to read. Here’s the reasons:
1) HIV Status (and all medical history) is strictly confidential and is only to be disclosed to those whom you are going to have sex with.
2) Someone’s HIV Status, which means they test + or – to HIV Antibodies has minimal corrolation to the risk of transmission. Transmission risk has been directly linked to the amount of HIV Virus in someone’s blood &/or semen.
3) Someone who is HIV + AND undetectable viral load is at virtually NO RISK of transmitting the HIV Virus.
4) Someone who “THINKS” they’re HIV NEG but may actually be HIV+ (and just not know), will have a VERY high viral load and therefore be VERY contagious.
5) Someone who was recently exposed and has not produced enough HIV Antibodies to test +, will test neg and have a very high viral load and be very contagious.
6) Someone can be in personal denial and refuses to get tested or lies and continues disclosing what they’re last test was, which may have been negative, but may be 5 years ago.
7) Someone who is a Long Term Non-Progressor aka Elite Controller, will test+ but has no viral load and their bodies have been able to naturally fight off HIV and they cannot transmit the HIV Virus. 1 in 300 people who have HIV are diagnosed as Elite Controllers.
Conclusion: Posting HIV Status as NEG ONLY promotes a false sense of security AND sero-sorting (when some chooses their sexual partners with whom they’ll have BB sex with based upon their HIV Status). Sero-sorting is a dangerous method of safe sex that is practiced more than condom use! Everyone should assume everyone is HIV positive and act accordingly.
Otherwise, if you’re getting into Medical disclosures, posting ONLY HIV Antibody results is meaningless. If you want to disclose accurate and meaningful medical information you need to disclose:
1) Date of last HIV test
2) Results of last HIV test
3) IF HIV+, are you on ART meds?
4) IF on ART, are you undetectable?
5) IF you are Undectable, how long have you been undectable?
6) IF you last tested NEG, when was your last sexual contact since your last test?
7) How many sexual partners have you had since your last test?
8) Have had unprotected receptive anal sex ever? If so, how often? How recent? How many Partners?
This list can go on and on and is only as reliable as the authors honesty.
BOTTOM LINE, ASSUME EVERYONE IS + AND REMOVE THE QUESTION/DISCLOSURE FROM YOUR SITE!
I will just restate what’s already been said here, and that is never trust anyone – even if their HIV status says negative. I met up with and started dating a guy I met on A4A. His status said Neg and based on that and a few limited conversations on the topic, we engaged in unprotected sex numerous times. Long story short: it cost me many sleepless night of pure worry until my tests came out neg – including 2 NAT tests. The moral here is I was weak and did something I’ve never done before. I am now dealing with the reasons behind my lapse in safety, which is the root cause of why so many gay men end up with HIV.
Think about it, people lie about their age, weight, & how old their PICS are a lot on this site. Only the guys interested in hooking up in the course of their chat, will ask “are your pics recent” etc. Regardless of someones status, it’s a very private part of of your medical history, and does not be shared with everyone on A4A. In my opinion it should read, HIV STATUS: ASK ME. That way it reminds everyone that it needs to be discussed with a potential sexual partner. Nobody needs to know your status unless your going to have sex them. It would be like posting your home address in your profile for everyone to see. Do you really want to share that with everybody? I agree with what some others have stated earlier. Assume everyone is POZ and take some personal responsibility for your own health.
I’m an honest person i post my status as + but with that comes alot of harassment if you have a private photos guys will hit you up and even go so far as to make fake profiles just to violate your privacy on this because of that i have deleted my profile 3 times before because people chat you up act like they like you ask you to unlock they compliment you on how cute you are ect… 2 minutes later there account is deleted they got what they wanted(to see your photo) then sometimes they just straight up tell you they where just fucking with you they only wanted to see my photo or thanks and bye then they block you this has been going on for yrs and I’ve seen alot of hiv+ profiles disappear because of it ,profiles that once said + now say – all because people treating them like there less than human only for there for there amusement this might be the internet but there are people at the other end this shit cuts deep just when you think you met someone special then you find out there just toying with you i would not be surprised if weaker people killed themselves over this cause they where so so lonely
Lying about your HIV status and infecting someone else is now a criminal offense. It’s ones responsibility to protect themselves.
However, if you are positive and engage in unsafe sexual activity, you are equally responsible if you infect someone else.
Let’s not kid ourselves, HIV is still a terminal illness.
You go to jail if you have sex with someone without telling them your HIV+ status, it’s a crime.
It’s one thing to leave it blank …it is another thing to mark neg when you are poz. It is intentional deceit and an outright lie and should be grounds for membership termination.
They need to make a rule about posting lies pertaining to health status upon signing up to the sites.
poz healthy guy here. I dont put it in my profile for several reasons – 1) The majority of men i chat with it is not an issue as I have no desire to meet them for any exchange of body fluids
2) I prefer to be asked so that it can be part of a larger discussion about my health – and theirs. Hepatitis, herpes HSV are all just as important and should also be discussed disclosed should sex come into play
3) sometimes their asking me and my being honest lead other men to disclose their true status as well as open a discussion about pears, transmission etc
^ In-denial much?
Honestly, I’ve never ever had unsafe sex. I’ve used condoms everytime. It sickens me that majority of gay men have this disease. That’s why I hate being gay. You can’t have sex without worrying about a disease. So what did I do? I just stopped having sex all together. I laugh at HIV positive people simply because they were stupid enough to have unsafe sex. Hope you made funeral arrangements and don’t put that burden on your family. Sickening!!!