Health : Bareback…
Category: HealthWe as gay men have been told to ‘always use a condom’ by health professionals for many years now and it is good advice in most sexual circumstances. We have been shown how to use them, even by porn stars such as Matthew Rush and Brent Corrigan, and we have lots of choices when it comes to what condom we want or need. But there are considerations regarding condoms and bareback sex that have not been discussed or considered as broadly as they may need to be.
We, especially as gay men, have been bombarded with safer-sex messaging, telling us that condomless sex can lead to contracting HIV/STDs. Leading me to believe that a lack of basic knowledge regarding condom use, and the protection it offers, is not the foundation of why most men who choose to do so have unprotected sex. I think most of us know at least the basics of HIV/STD transmission.
I am often surprised, and occasionally shocked, at how some in HIV/STD prevention view and approach gay men who are fully informed on safer-sex practices and choose to bareback. There are some who immediately judge men who choose to engage in condomless sex as either being uninformed, in denial or as something other, like a “Bug Chaser” or “Gift Giver”.
It is worth stating; I believe strongly that it is the right of all adults to have consensual sex in whatever way they choose to have it as long as no harm is caused to another.
Sex that is the result of agreements made between sex partners on the level of ‘risk’ that is acceptable are, in my opinion, ideal. A conversation like this sounds simple but a risk reduction strategy that is acceptable for one individual isn’t necessarily good and/or appropriate for another making conversations regarding safer-sex difficult to approach and once started, have the potential to complicate the sex and/or ’spoil the moment’.
Discussions that may risk having sex may be barriers to condom use themselves, as it may be easier to just ‘go with the flow’ rather than take the risk of having ‘the conversation’ and possibly lose your desire or the opportunity to have sex simply by having the conversation.
Hopefully all sex that takes place with your partner is acted on according to informed decisions that are reached together, decisions that include the topics of condoms and barebacking as well as other forms of a sexual risk reduction (although condomless anal sex is not in and of itself considered a risk reduction technique, while cumming outside of the anus may be considered a risk reduction strategy).
In regards to condomless sex, the question many in health hope to answer is; ‘why do gay men have condomless sex’? The assumption is that when answers are found the ‘problem’ of condomless sex can be addressed.
There are flaws with seeking simple answers as to why men bareback and then looking for solutions that can be applied to a broad group. The first flaw is that there is an unfortunate assumption in the question. The assumption being; there are straightforward reasons why men choose to have unprotected sex and that these ‘reasons’ can be categorized and subsequently addressed in an ‘intervention’.
There are some straight forward reasons for not using condoms, it feels better, HIV status, lack of availability, but in most cases, I think that the decision to not use a condom is complex and individual, making broad-reaching prevention efforts ineffective.
I believe that there are a host of reasons why men choose to bareback that cannot be understood outside of the context of an individual.
Why we choose to have sex, who we choose to have sex with, and what we choose to do once these choices are made can also be very fluid and unpredictable.
In regards to barebacking and condomless sex we must acknowledge that the same person may not have the same reasons for not using a condom during sex and that reasons for condomless sex may change at different times in an individual’s life, according to the person(s) they have sex with, the settings they choose to have having sex in, and/or under different combinations of these variables.
Why men choose to ignore condoms can also include one’s physical condition and libido, emotional health and even spiritual beliefs, some of which can change even during a sexual encounter.
The bottom line is that there are many ‘side effects’ associated with condom use and there are reason why they are not used that are complex, mixed, and very individual.
Skin to skin sex, fluid exchange, and other forms of sexual pleasure are significant reasons why condomless sex is preferred by many. But pure pleasure seeking aside, I believe that it is very important that side effect and reasons to engage in condomless sex are considered, and hopefully discussed with partners by every man that chooses to engage in any form of sex, but particularly sex without a condom.
- Condoms are physical barriers and can feel like an emotional / pleasure barrier as well.
- Many men (especially older men) cannot maintain an erection and/or have an orgasm when using a condom.
- Putting on a condom can add complexity to sex and interrupt the ‘flow’ of sex, making sex feel awkward, especially when the sex is with an anonymous partner.
- Perception of trust; “He said he was negative, if I use a condom he will think I do not trust him”.
- Social barriers such as peer pressure, and poor negotiation skills. (Especially when the only choices presented are use a condom or not use a condom and there are no sexual risk reduction options known or discussed).
- Discussions that include HIV/STDs and sexual risk can be difficult and potentially ‘kill the mood’.
- Force; an excessively dominate partner demanding condomless sex.
- Poverty, costs; (Condoms are not always free, readily available, and can be perceived as being costly).
- Physical allergies to latex and spermicides (when latex condoms or condoms with spermicides are all that are available)
- Burn out (HIV-Negative men seeking to relieve the ‘pressure’, stress, and fear of becoming positive or seeking to have unprotected sex without concern of becoming infected as a result of ‘condom burn out’/over messaging.)
- Rebellion, anger, revenge, ‘buyer beware’ attitude.
For some there is no discussion, a condom will always be used or there will be no sex. For others, the issue is more complicated and not so “black and white”.
When you consider condoms to be an option you are most likely employing a sexual risk reduction strategy to determine when to use a condom and when not to use a condom. For your individualized risk reduction strategy to be successful you must know your status, be well informed and talk to your partner(s).
Unfortunately, when you use sexual risk reduction as a form of HIV/STD prevention there will most likely always be a chance that your strategy will fail, and you may become HIV-Positive and/or be infected with an STD.
Choosing to have condomless sex makes getting tested regularly very important as knowing your status is key information you need for you and your partner’s decision making process. Having options beyond condoms is also important, strategies such as pre- or post-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP, PEP), the use of rectal microbicides, or even rapid HIV home tests that could provide almost instant HIV results, these strategies that are currently under development are important additions that are needed to provide alternatives to condoms.
Whether you choose to use a condom or not having sex with another person requires thoughtfulness, information on which sexual acts you choose to engage in and their associated level of risk, your HIV status, your partners HIV status, and conversations about STDs and sex that are not always easy to have.
As always, we look forward to hearing your perspective!
Stephan
102 comments for Health : Bareback…
Leave a comment
- Gay Stuff : Why Some Guys Don’t Show Up?
- Fashion : A&F Controversy
- Watch This : Carl Proposed To Drew #Flashmob
- Health : NYC Meningitis
- Health : Bareback Only!
- Stories : Dancin’
- Pornstar : François Sagat Retires From Porn
- Member Of The Week : Principetigre
- Watch This : Bullied To Death….
- Gay Stuff : How Far Will You Travel For A Guy?
” better safe than sorry “
good read. thx for posting
GOOD topic, but sad to say I asked the guy if he was NEG/POZ he said he was NEG, we still used a condom, mind u I had sex with 2 diff guys with in a years time, and the same thing happened with BOTH. They both said they were NEGATIVE, the condom broke with both of them, the condoms were good, so not really sure what happened, but I didnt find out till after they were done. They both came inside me, i assumed the condom was fine so that wasnt a problem, but come to find out it broke and when i got tested my results came back Positive. Sucks for me because i tried to do the right thing and still ended up getting screwed and NOT in a good way. So even when you try to do the right thing, guys still like, or dont even know their own status…SUCKs but main thing is i found out early enough. Good luck guys.
A rather long and verbose article. Your set of points are reasons why folks fuck without condoms combined with a thrill seeking whorish behavior. It’s just that simple
I just like raw sex. Plain and simple. I know the risks, I accept the risks, and I know that I will be able to be treated if something goes wrong. I sero-sort and I’ve been careful (and lucky) so far. Safe sex is fine and fun, but if I get with a guy who’s ok with bare, we’re doing it bare.
why not bareback? heteros do it. are they better than gay people? NO! AIDS started in africa and with heteros- they do not even know what a condom looks like. i hate for someone to always single out the gay community for risky behavior.
Condomless sex as a risk reduction strategy is an oxymoron. If you’re not in a monogamous relationship with another HIV-negative man, you will become positive if you don’t use condoms. It’s that simple.
As someone who does practice safe sex, I am very angry at my fellow gay men who have fallen off the safe sex wagon. There was a time when gay men took care of each other and always used condoms. Now as someone who uses them, I find myself on the defensive with more and more men wanting to fuck me bare, and getting annoyed when I want to use condoms.
Barebacking is ultimately destructive, and it is NOT just a personal choice. It creates a new community norm that men who practice safe sex must now fight against individually.
50-75% of porn is now bareback, which dulls our senses into thinking there’s no risk involved, and that it’s okay.
And now, guys assume you’ll bareback if you don’t put up a fuss to use condoms. I was in a group recently, where there were bowls of condoms in the room, yet I had to push away at least three guys who tried to fuck me bare.
For men who want to practice safe sex and take care of their health and the health of other gay men, it is becoming increasingly more difficult. How can we expect to remain healthy as a community when we accept images of and prevalence of barebacking as if they are just individual choices?
Bare fucking creates a chain reaction that makes more and more men susceptible to getting the virus or getting more virulent strains of it. Can’t we see the change in norm that’s happening?
Isn’t anyone else enraged?
It’s amazing to my how many self rightous Queens jump up and down about this issue and then do it on the DL. The fact is, condoms are only good for the area they cover – bodily fluids infected with a myriad of possiblities can still enter the body via the area the condom does not cover. As for barebacking – we all make a choice, it is not up to me (or in my opinion) to judge the behavior of others – those doing so need to shut the fuck up and mind their own business.
Once again great article. I like the fact that you (Stephan)did not take a position on condom use or not. It is left to the individual to make their own decisions. As you pointed out, the reasons behind choosing to go condomless is as complex as each individual. All I can say is that is never too late to start taking care of yourself. If you choose to not to use a condom, just be real with yourself and your partner. Know the risks involve and don’t stick your head in the sand, thinking everything is going to be alright if you don’t face the facts. I’m all for alternative ways of proctecting once’s self.
As someone, has already said, a long drawn out article, that doesnt really say alot. The points made near the end in the smaller font, covered it.
Great article.
@ versatile freak, The point of the article was that it is not always that simple. Besides not using a condom does not make you a whore.
I’ve often wondered how people justify acting on their desire to have unprotected anal sex. After reading this post, I am left still wondering. To say that there are reasons why people prefer condomless sex is like saying sometimes it rains.
Of course it feels better without condoms. Of course condoms are a barrier. But when it comes to condoms and sex other things besides pleasure need to be considered. Such as the quality of one’s life after the moments of pleasure have subsided.
We all take risks with everything we do. Crossing the street is risky. We have to think about the level of the risk involved.. the chances of an unlikely outcome and the results of that outcome and ask.. is it worth it?
When I read such a thing (excluding the repetitiveness of it)- an excuse making story encouraging barebacking, I wonder how old the writer is? Since I am in my 40′s and lived through the entire publicly known AIDS epidemic I can rightfully say, it is spread by bareback anal sex, and just a few other fluid to blood exchanges, along with infected needles and the like. I’m HIV negative and have always tested that way. I’ve had anal sex only once without a condom, back in 1990, with a boyfriend, and felt guilt after that so didn’t repeat it. Then I’d have to go back to 1985 when I didn’t use a condom at all, but started my journey into the realization that if I wanted to live virus free I would use condoms from then on, or not do anal sex.
I also would like to point this out- when I was in a bath house in Chicago once maybe 15 years ago, and started talking to a guy a few years younger than me, and he said, “it must be harder to get than you think, unless you do anal sex without a condom, cause I have to have done something with someone who has it, yet I’m negatve.” I agreed, having mostly done oral sex, or other oral things from kissing to once in a great while rimming, and did them without condom’s over 90% of the time, as the giver or taker, or agressive and passive, or however you want to put that. So, I stand by this info and conclusion, having been tested about 10 times over the years, about every 1 to 2 years.
Also if I did cut my mouth, biting my cheek or tongue, or drew blood when brushing my teeth, or had any rare mouth sore, I made sure I did nothing with my mouth till it healed. And one more thing, I often, but not always, used mouthwash after fooling around. I’ve messed with a few hundred guys over the years I suppose, and never caught anything, except once recently, where I am located in Texas, and the education level about these things is low, so people spread more things, and I simply caught something where it burned a bit when I urinated, which cleared up easily with antibiotics of Doxicyline 100mg 3 times a day for 10 days.
I hope this entire true story helps educate people, as I have noticed a serious increase in the 18-25 year olds where I am located barebacking, and coming down with HIV.
As a general rule i will not have sex with a condom. Not only do feel “desensitized” from it physically, but emotionally i do not feel the sexual connection that i seek from cumming into a plastic bag. Im having sex to cum in someone and put part of myself into them and be as close as pretty much physically possible for a gay man to be. I also dont do anonymous hookups for similar reasons, i just cant get off sexually without an emotional attachment. sometimes there can be an emotional attachment as early as knowing a person one or two days, but it isnt anonymous and obviously would have to be shared by both of us on some level. If it comes down to it and someone wants me to put on a condom and we havent discussed it prior, i simply say ill pass and we’ll do it when we can both enjoy the sex, we can get off other ways. Then if it works out with them we just get tested appropriately asap. Im 34 and somehow my principles have worked so far regarding this because ive never yet used a condom during sex for the whole duration and i have never gotten anything and have had 35+ partners over the past 14 years.
Your article really hit home because i have had a lot on my mind lately about this subject and i have a close friend who recently found out he was hiv+ and he has had less than 10 sex partners in his life at age 30.
good post.
I think there are other factors you are not including.
The rapid rise of bb porn is a huge factor in my opinion,
it glamorizes and almost approves it.
both professional porn and amateur, just go to xtube and you will see all the amateur home videos are bb. guys into porn are constantly bombarded with this, and at times we wish to enact the porn we see.
Bare feels much better. Mentally it is more stimulating. If you have a partner bb sex feels more intimate.
It is hard to keep an erection with a condom.
You just have to think of the risk when you choose your sex partner.
I wish there were not std’s. Sex would be much more fun and enjoyable. I suppose we would probably be very promiscuous if that was the case.
Talk about speaking out of both sides of your mouth! A pretty much worthless article representing the gay male inability to “think outside the butt!” Two options were outlined, Anal sex with condoms, or anal sex without. Wow, such broad options. There are many pleasurable things men can do. Unfortunately, Adam lumps them all under the title “foreplay” As if “real”sex is only dick ‘n’ ass. Post hardly deserves the title “Health”
Gay men are clueless. My partner and I are both POZ and that info is in our profile 2 times. We still have guys wanting us to seed them, cum and or piss in their mouth or ass. Their profiles say they are negative, but then they admit they are acrually POZ. Guys that say they are D/D free and expect the same, yet want to have sex with us.Are gay men just stupid or retarded? The guys hooking up with someone professing to be negative really can’t count on them being truthful. There is no safe sex, just safer sex. Unless of course you’re fucking a cantslope or your hand
After coming out a 6 year relationship (1998) and not using condoms. I found myself not being able to maintain an erection while wear a condom. My friends told me I would get used to it… I didn’t then and haven’t now. I switched roles instead, and still the condom just doesn’t feel right. I know it’s the right thing to do, but it just doesn’t feel natural ( oh I have tried a lot of different ones, seeking the one that would work) Condoms however are a fact of life,someday some one will figure out how to make one that rubs the head of my dick right and I will like it….. till then I guess I will have to bottom.
I totally agree with Versatile Freak.^
I prefer my method of safe sex over condoms, and yes some people will call me dumb or whatever, but it has worked for me. I choose to use the head with the brain in it, as to the one that doesn’t. I say don’t be a slut. Get to know your partner and hang out, not just meet up for sex. You can learn their quirks, and what makes them tick. Do your research. If you see them saying one thing on one site and something else on another you may wasn’t to pass on that hook up. Find someone you trust, and get tested. We were given a brain for a reason, and so why not use it. Oh and don’t use meth.
Great thoughtful article. Anyone who risks their health in a moment of pleasure could five minutes and have thoughts provoked here.
I am poz. Have been >20 yrs. VERY healthy, happy having a full life. I hate condoms. But I would never risk the health of any one without using one. however there are guys who just beg for it! there is myth, (untouched here believe it or not) that people who are poz but have not viral load are not contagious. this is a myth. not true. alo a myth that if you are poz, you can take more Hiv safely. also a myth. no two viruses are alike (why they cannot find vaccine). getting infected with second virus can be just as bad or worse for someone who is already poz.
condom fatigue! i have it. Despite my full healthy life, I would not want others to get it. BTW these miracle drugs of today (one pill a day etc), cost about $3000 a month. So I am working till I drop, need the insurance for the drugs.
Versatile Freak had it right on the mark! Thanks V.F.
This article – while attempting to be helpful – was wordy, wordy, wordy. I felt bad just typing “wordy, wordy, wordy,” ‘cuz I was just doing that too. I am sure a ton of readers lost interest nearly immediately.
Better safe than sorry as “Rolz” said.
Do what you feel men..but be prepared.
With the continued stigma attached to people with Hiv/Aids, WHY do people even assume their sexual partner is telling the truth about their status? Always assume everyone is infected and practice safe sex. Unless, you are indeed a Bug Chaser.
OK, as a former Public Health Nurse (RN), I could rant and rave at how utterly stupid bare backing is and that you could get Syphallis, Gonherra, HIV, PPV, and a whole slu of other STIs but, I wont. Myself, I have participated in BB with FB I have met one here, and Ill tell you there are just so many reasons why I wont BB ever again. The most impotant, and this is just flat out gross, is pulling out with feces on your dick! OK that alone for me is the #1 reaason for not BB, I dont care how “clean” the guy is, there always going to be that little extra up there that no matter how much you douche, it wont get it. So, in addtion to the feces thing, the idea of getting and STI is another good reason, I have had Syphallis as a result of BB, why, because your rectum has a bizzilion germs and virsus in it, because of the atmoshphere it creates. Its moist and warm, so boom! nice area for germs and other stuff. Also, BB can create hemrroids, anal polyps (which by the way can only be removed by surgery or freezing them off) yea I can see how sexy that would be, your ass is up in the air while they free the polyps off! Sexy! Then theres the concern about an STI in the rectum, such as Syphallis, that can grow without your knowikng it. I thought back in the 80′s when AIDS when AIDS first came on the scene, that we as gay men, would have learned, wrap your cock or no cock for you! The fact that the porn industrty has brounght back BB movies is frieghtening! BB with your partner, if you are totally monogamous, otherwise, wrap your cock or you get no cock! Be true to youself, dont nail someone in the ass, just because the porn industy shoves it in your face and fun. The reality is, you could not only get an STI (which may not be curable) or you can get HIV-AIDS just because you didnt wrap your dick? Is it worth it? And please, dont tell me that,, well i read an article that says UPAS is OK, as long as…. no, no and no, if there is a journal article that says that, I wanna read it. Too much research by Doctors, Public Health professionals (such as myself) and others has been conducted over the many years, and every reseearch that has been done on this, 100% always says…. if you dont wrap your cock you get no cock! Its TOO dangerous and its kinda gross, wouldnt you want to put on a condom when your going up someplace where crap comes out? I think so. Common sense would tell you, cover it up! has common sense taken a back seat and the “need” for sexual pleasure been clouded by stupidity? Guys, BB sex is stupid! PERIOD! there is absolutely no reason why you should have BB sex, its so risky, and its just way stupid. Please learn to care about yourself enough to use both heads and not your horomones when deciding what is safe and what is best for you sexually. Have fun, screw your brains out, be sober, and love others. Dont screw yourself over just to “feel good” will it be worth it when you dick start itching, and theres a nice green puss coming out of your pee hole? that smells like hell, itches, hurts to pee, and can be spread? Think about it? Would you really want to spread an STI just because you wanted to nail some hot guy up the hole without a condom? Use your common sense, and love yourself enough to demand that a condom be used EVERYTIME.
Remeber:
Cover your cock or you get no cock!
Ciao!
I see the talk is all about use of condoms when penetration of the anus is involve. What about those who love to give blow jobs. Should a condom be placed of the penis? Information need to go out about the 3 sex loving ways are/or not dangerous. ass lickin/penis suckin/ass penetration without condom. Tell me more.
There are guys who is neg and allow a pos guy to give him a blow. is this harmful?
Tell me more.
good article,However sadly to said that almost 30 years into the Hiv epidemic there still so much ignorance and people are not educated about hiv and STD,s. I had 2 ltr both with neg guys and practice safe sex with a condom. So as long as people get educated and are aware that there is more than HIV. We can see a brighter future and break the ignorance and the stigma
Good article. I personally think it is just the added thrill of people who got bored with regular sex using condoms. Also notice a lot of gay guys have a cum fetish. The thing is, nowadays it is simply seen as “not done” to have condom less sex when it comes to gay men. This is much less the case with male-female intercourse, when often there are just as many reasons why it would be the better for them to use a condom. So all in all, it’s also case of a certain double standard from the straight. When 2 gay males have unprotected sex it is seen as ‘morally wrong’ whereas when straight people have sex without a condom it is not perceived as something so bad.
FOR SOME REASON SEX WITHOUT CONDOMS APPEALS MORE TO MEN THAN SEX WITH CONDOMS. IT’S ABOUT THAT INTIMATE CONTACT, ABOUT TRULY FEELING A MAN INSIDE OF YOU RATHER THAN SOMETHING THAT FEELS ARTIFICIAL LIKE A DILDO. I BELIEVE THERE IS ALSO A BIT OF THE RISK PART THAT MAKES MEN SECRETE A BIT MORE ADRENALINE, THE FEAR AND WONDER OF THE UNKNOWN, THE PLEASURE THAT DOING WHAT IS SOCIALLY FORBIDDEN BRINGS. NEVERTHELESS HIV/AIDS IS A LIFE THREATENING CONDITION, EVEN WITH THE LATEST TREATMENTS IT IS NOT EASY TO LIVE WITH THE CONDITION, YET IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT WHEN ADRENALINE BURSTS ARE AT THEIR PEAKS AND THE ENDORPHINES ARE CLOUDING OUR JUDGEMENT, VERY FEW MEN HAVE THE ABILITY OF SAYING : NO, I WON’T DO IT WITHOUT A CONDOM.
IT’S THE NATURE OF MEN.
I appreciate the thoroughness of this commentary. I’d like to also raise the issue of the lack of LGBT-inclusive sex ed in schools and the peer pressure factor related to glorifying unsafe sex in gay porn and sites like Xtube that reward BB videos as popular. A4A also accepts ads for BB sex vids. To pacify or softly try to justify unsafe sex is absurd.
It’s funny how un healthy looking guys try to force me to bare back, even when I am super drunk or high I always use condoms
no matter how hot u are or how tifght ur ass is I am not fucking u BB
dont care if u get mad
Its best to use a condom.dont be too confident in mind that u can go bareback thats no correct.sex without condom is sweet but the ending is bitter.no condom not ride.every1 want to live thier life happy.becareful of who u have sex with becuz hiv can’t show on the person face.if u can’t use a condom then u shud switch 4m been gay.for the person is infected and for the person who is not infected i pray 4u all and may the almight lord be with u all and may god bless u all.be good,talk good,live good until dem i repeat my god bless u all good luck bye.
People make it hard and have all these way to explain it. The answer is simple. It is hot. That is why. It gets us off more. A guy cumming in you is hot, plain and simple. When you are bent over your couch and he puts it in and gets off using you it is hot. Period.
Great topic…. I agree, pretty verbose… And I’d like to add a few things…
First of all, I think some of those involved in HIV prevention that react hard to the condomless/informed are doing so because while they may genuinely despise the socially unacceptable attitude, they are envious of the behavior. No one wants to use condoms!
Second, I think another reason why men don’t use condoms is because while a person may be aware of the risks, they don’t live in their sexual truths. What I mean by this is someone that knows condomless sex can very well lead to disease transmission, they use many defenses to psychologically accept barebacking (e.g. it’s much safer on top, new medicines can control diseases, married guys don’t have anything). When getting hot and heavy, this is a very desirable state of mind to be in, and with some practice, the individual becomes more convinced and acclimated to the dangerous activity and barebacking just becomes a habit.
Also, the availability of bareback porn allows gay man to literally condition themselves into not using condoms.
I’ve thought about this a lot. I’m a bottom, and no matter what anyone says it really doesn’t feel better to us without a condom. We can’t feel tops ejaculating inside us. Hell, even enemas can get so routine the pressure of the water is felt less and less. However, we definitely want and can enjoy bareback sex as much as a top and some if not most of us are excellent at doing that. It’s just hotter. Not worth it, but hotter. Why can’t guys just admit that??
I myself find it almost easier to abstain from sex altogether sometimes than not to go condomless. I’m pretty well behaved and use condoms most of the time. The fact that I read this article twice and wrote a long response is testimony that I haven’t figured it all out for myself yet.
@Anthony Gallo condoms will break if the correct lubricant is not used. You cant use vaseline, lotion, or baby oil. This will cause a breakdown in latex condoms. You should always use a lubricant that is specifically compatible with condoms. Just for future use. I am sorry to hear about what happened.
Well it was an interesting read and beside the whorish nature of men we as individuals are held responsible for all of our actions both positive and negative
Fabulous, informative and needed reading.
As a bi sexual, and a bottom, ultimately the feeling of connection with my lover is the reason I would choose not to use a condom. Of course that would be based on trust that my partner is being totaly honest, not to mention monogomos. But with out that trust , which is hard to come by, condoms seem the only choice that can at least provide some protection, If everyone at least had the balls to be honest(it’s not that hard, try it), wa all would be better equiped to make the informed decisions we must make, not only in the respect to our sexual lives. Just SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!
I am always amazed when I chat with a bottom on A4A who says in their profile: “safe sex only” but then through the course of the chat wants me to blow my load inside them. It happens a lot and with people old enough to have experienced the consequences.
I’m sorry guys, but I was conditioned and educated to use condom every single times I have sex… I’m so scared of any disease that I used condom 100% of the time. I don’t even know what it feels to fuck without condoms, and I love being fucked with condoms. I can say that it turns me on to see bareback porn movies but I will never ever do it bare. I also enjoy watching “horror” movie with serial killers and stuff, but i’m not gonna become a serial killer because of that. So don’t blame A4A for showing images or publicity, you are responsible for everything you do ! If you eat McDonald will you say it’s McDonald’s fault if you weight 300 lbs ? Think about it !
Dave
It all boils down to trust. You pretty much can tell when you meet someone if they are telling you the truth or not. You have to go with your gut feelings. If you feel uneasy then by all means have sex with a condom. Personally I would must rather bareback. It feels so much better and more natural. Its fun to receive the prize at the end. You just have to make sure you know whom you can do that with. If in doubt have them wear a condom. Don’t let others put you down for barebacking. That is a personal choice in any sexual relationship. If that is what you and your partner want to do then do it. It doesn’t have to go beyond the bedroom of 2 consenting adults.
interesting. until self control and responsibility become “hot” we gay men are going to just have to use rubbers. if you want to bb with me, top or bottom, you better get to know me and obtain my total trust. is it that hard, for gay men, to be in a committed relationship in order to enjoy the fun of good sex that isn’t going to make you go “hmm, i probably should make an appointment at the clinic”? The only safer sex i know of is with responsible and honest partners and even then it is still wrapped. also good points to the guy who brought up the nasty ass thing, they are nasty for the most part and it is just not a healthy decision to have anal sex, it is by far not the worst one you can make, but it also isn’t the best one either.
I agree with the feedback citing this article as “verbose”. I think it is unnecessarily so.
I would have liked to know more about the risks, especially for tops vs. bottoms. I have heard third-person from a doctor that HIV is a hard disease to catch. I was informed that a bareback top is less likely to “receive the gift” than if he were bottoming bareback. I don’t know the validity of this, but I would like to know more.
Personally, I do not think the benefits of unsafe sex outside of monogamy outweigh ALL of the risks. I think the article effectively undermines the fact that HIV is a permanent, life-changing thing that will change your ability to get health insurance, perhaps your employability (except now under Cirque du Soleil), and your health care costs. There is much missing that some investigative reporting could have provided. The point is, whether we like it or not, as gay men we have a higher rate of infection than non-minority heterosexual men. This is especially true in urban areas with high rates of new infections, like New Orleans.
To me, this article seems like much opinion and conjecture. The insertion of facts and statistics into the article would have been a nice addition. I think, as is, that the article undermines the gravity of an HIV infection and belittles the risks inherent in bareback sex.
As someone who doesn’t drink or use drugs during sex, I am always playing safe, unless I am in a monogamous relationship and both my partner and I have been tested. At the end of the day, I have to live and die with myself and the decisions I make. So the fuck what if I have one less hookup…I would rather keep my health and sanity in tow.
Good Post, Thank you.. For me i prefer it bare, and will remain that way. I know the risks and so does my partner or partners, depending on if at a party or whatever the case may be.. The feeling of a man unloading in me is a wonderful feeling, a great satisfaction to me knowing that he is doing what he wants with me. The smile on his face afterwards, and the coming back for more. all great satisfaction to me. I wouldnt have it any other way!!
Seriously we all as gay men need to wear condoms when having sex. Specially if we are crusing or with the man of our dreams till we know our status. I’ve had sex with guys bareback and got an std and was like damn he said he was clean and its just a B/J meanwhile not thinking of the people who just don’t care to know and the people who know but don’t care.
Either way condoms work you or we just need to use them and the guys on the D/L no matter what use it cause your wife or girl will catch whatever you got and then your D/L is a big DEAL.
Love life? live it safe
“It is worth stating; I believe strongly that it is the right of all adults to have consensual sex in whatever way they choose to have it as long as no harm is caused to another.”
Umm transmitting HIV is not harm???
This entire post is rationalizing and asinine. We have lots of choices in life. Nothing is risk free. But denying the reality of HIV and other STIs is stupid. Go ahead and call it a choice. But this choice affects us all. Not just you.
We are adult humans with sometimes rational brains. This is one area gay culture needs to grow up. The anything goes mentality in regards to sex is juvenile and immature. As gay men we do have responsibilities to our community and culture just like anyone else. Go ahead and try to justify this behavior as “my choice” or “you just don’t understand” but in reality is is YOU that don’t understand.
a tisket a tasket a condom or a casket! That is my motto!
For those determined to bareback it, please make sure that once you catch HIV, you pay for the treatment OUT OF POCKET and don’t drain our tax dollars or raise our insurance premiums… I’ve never barebacked and I’ve never caught a disease. A friend of mines works for an HIV outreach clinic which tests weekly in DC and every week, at least 50 new cases are tested positive everyweek and they ALL consciously chose to bareback. Is a short time of skin to skin pleasure REALLY worth a lifetime of medication, ailments, and social stigmas? If it is to you, than that tells society we as gay men are the sexual deviants they portray us to be. Furthermore, I like condoms, as they not only protect me from the diseases, but also can protect you from “residue” if that bottom wasn’t as clean down there as expected. Choices have consequences, and if you’re kewl with catching HIV, then happy barebacking!
I was with only 2 men over a 21 year period. My second partner cheated and became positive, giving it to me. This can happen gay or straight (the DL guys take note) and it is always sad when trust is broken. So to gain trust and get to know someone is nice but not really any better than anonymous sex. Knowing what goes on in bathhouses, group parties, etc. people are willing to take these chances. However, I never state my status anywhere because I do not believe in labeling myself. I think it is incredible we do that so publicly. It is demeaning and buys into the negative view the world has of us gay men.
I do, however, always reveal my status privately if there is a chance someone wants to have sex with me.
There will always be Men who will do the right thing/ wrong thing. I’ve been on both sides of the issue. Back in the day within a ltr, we always went condomless. Never cheated, or tracted a std. Today you have options, you can either play it safe, or take the risk. Is it worth it in the end? There are great brands of condoms that gives you the feeling of not wearing one, so you can still enjoy sex without the fear of the unknown.
Not using a condom with someone you do not know well for a long time is simply foolish. I have barebacked for years with my lover, but we only began doing so after months, and only after being tested. Basically, we knew precisely where that ass and cock had been recently. Unless you know FOR SURE where the ass you’re plowing, or the cock doing the drilling, has been in the past four months, you know nothing. Wrap it until you know.
Ok guys Ihave done the research, have been on committies that have studied this stuff. No sex is safe period, but its silly to think anyone is going without sex. The only thing we can do is practice safer sex, and condoms is one ways. Another way of reducing risk is not allowing anyone to cum in your anus. It is not spread via penise to mouth or swallowing! just statically doesn’t happen. It is always penise to butt transmission and only when cum, not precum is shot in you. Have your partner pull out. Another little know fact is that there also has to be a co-factor involved but that is another subject, due your own research on this.
Jim
I look at both sides of this…
It is absolutely the right of every gay or straight man (or both in the same body) to make their own sexual decisions. If those two people (or ten, let’s be realistic) decide to have unsafe sex, there is no one to blame but them. It’s a game of chance and most of them know the end result.
My problem with this article is that in the gay community there really is no “him and me”. It never stems from a couple. It’s always just one person. It’s that one person that either knows and chooses to take a life without telling them or the dumbass who knows and says…”eh, okay”. Then THAT person turns into the one who doesn’t tell his partners. It’s dominos.
Let’s be honest. We’re not the most honest of breeds. You can be pissed, but it’s probably because you fall into that category. I don’t trust any gay person. I don’t trust them to tell me the truth about their HIV status. I don’t trust them to tell me the truth about.. well anything.
You can take HIV with a grain of salt or you can go to the extreme. You’re going to get resistance either way. I believe in meeting in the middle and actually developing (at the least a) friendship, getting tested, then making your judgements from there.
I’ve been negative my whole life. I was in a 6 year relationship with someone who was positive and we had an amazing relationship…sexual and personal. I had another relationship with someone for a few months, but being negative wasn’t acceptable for him. Then another relationship with someone who was negative and then became positive by cheating on me. I never turned my back, but he did… I’ve done my research.
Bareback sex is hot. It is! It’s “the risk” for some people. It’s “the natural feeling” for some people. It’s just because their already positive and “how does it hurt me”, for some people. Figure out what your “person” is… then make your decision.
It is possible to have educated sex, whether you have HIV or you don’t. I’m 30 and my 30 yo friends have died. Not because they weren’t on cocktails, but because they thought we’re in a society that doesn’t really die from HIV.
Make your decision.
i thank bareback the act itself so not the problem it is the people doing it the is the issue. you can bareback and be safe. i have done it many time but with one person. i love him and trust him and i have been tested many time after we started doing that. the difference between me and others i the one guy. i would never practice that with some stranger which is common among most barebackers. when you play with people you don’t know that is were the risk comes in. the problem is the lack of respect and responsibility. respect for the guy you are trying to hook up with, that person deserves to know you health status safe or unsafe condom can broke you know. be responsible and get test every 3 mouths especially if you bareback. the best way avoid the drama is to do it with someone you really love instead of some asshole that doesn’t just a shit about you. i’m not try to tell you how to live your life your grown but please have some sense, get tested get your partner tested and try not to do “onenight stands” orgies or 3ways bareback unless you and them are going to get test at the clinic and that same time. just my opinion.
Bareback sex has become as popular and marketed to be the best sex by video sites and bareback websites that offer men to hook up with those who are only into bareback. I will admit that bareback sex is hot and ten times more the sexual experience than with a condom. Only if it is done with two individuals who know each other’s sexual history and HIV status is correct. Anonymous sex at any level is risky and is ‘asking for it’..barebacking just makes it that much more risky. But as one person put it to me that barebacking is like tasting steak for the first time, once you taste it, it’s hard to go back to bologna. Well, maybe so but it’s also impossible to reverse your HIV status once you’ve contracted HIV too. Keep it safe guys, I want everyone around a long long time.
Thanks for the article. I was trained by early organized groups of gay men at a health clinic in DC how to have Safer Sex. Live demonstrations … This was in the early 1980′s when the epidemic had just started, and no one really knew what was happening or what the disease was … people just got sick, and died. It was horrible.
My hometown had a minister (now deceased) who organized his religion to block funding for educating gay men about Safer Sex. Among other ways of putting gays down, became known as quite the Hater. That was a crime against humanity.
I want to thank those who saved my life with the “Come on me, not in me” messages so freely offered, that I still use today and attempt to educate those young ones who don’t think they need condoms … who just don’t think the idea of STD infections through … who just don’t think.
Use condoms … if you think it just doesn’t feel good … wait until all those meds you’re going to have to take gives you diarrhea until it hurts, your bones begin to deteriorate because of the long term side effects of those meds, and/or you start to lose your mind because of dementia caused by viruses taking over your brain matter …
Just a few real complaints from some current day friends with HIV … infected through no real fault of their own … just didn’t get the proper education in time. Take the time to buy and use properly fitting condoms, using the proper type of lube that doesn’t deteriorate the condom while in use.
Then there’s that 6 month window, from when you might have been or might nor have been infected, before it shows up on a test for HIV, and you could pass it on …
I admit to being turned on by the idea of unprotected, bareback sex. When I watch it in porn I get a particular thrill when the guy topping comes in side the bottom. No you don’t see it but when you can tell I just think it is hot.
But I only practice safe, condom covered sex. Why, because even with the drugs that exist, there are many costs both in dollars and in health if one contracts HIV and/or AIDS. Having seen guys who had great heath insurance that were HIV positive loose their job and coverage it hits home. Texas recently decided to cut state funding to fund the drug program to aid people with HIV there. Finding the right cocktail of drugs is not always easy and sometimes there are many attempts and much sickness before it is gotten right. The drugs can prolong life but there is still not cure for HIV and AIDS.
Yes, practicing bareback sex is a choice. But to me it not only shows a lack of care for oneself but for the other person we may be having sex with. Being in a monogamous relationship, where the couple is “really” monogamous is an exception. There bareback sex could become something that is safe and passionate.
Heterosexuals are also advised to use condoms. Not only does it prevent STDs, HIV, etc. but it helps prevent unwanted pregnancies. Statistics show that outside of intravenous drug users, gay men are still at a higher risk than heterosexuals who do not practice unprotected anal sex. Vaginal sex has more chances of the woman contracting HIV from a positive man than the man from the woman. But with anal sex bodily fluids and excrement from someone unclean as well as greater sensitivity of the anus make it higher risk.
Bareback sex is hot. I admitted it to start. If they find a cure for HIV or a vaccine I’ll jump on the bareback bandwagon. But until then, I value my health, my family, my friends too much to risk contracting something I can prevent in most instances. Broken condoms and such aside.
Chris
“It is worth stating; I believe strongly that it is the right of all adults to have consensual sex in whatever way they choose to have it as long as no harm is caused to another.”
Can’t believe that this is misleading people, I was reading this with one of my coworkers and he is llike “YEAH, HE IS RIGHT, WE CAN DECIDE, I WILL GO BAREBACK ALL THE TIME”
Wow, there is a big window “period of time/latency” where you do not know if you have HIV or not, so you can text negaive and then test positive, so, even when you are told by someone else they are negative, true is that you don’t know, so, better to have protection and have that “barrier” a few minutes than having to go to the doctor often because you have to be on meds, literally the rest of your life.
Got a friend, he tested nefative 10/2010, will bareback here and there with “negative” guys and 1/2011 he is positive, from where? posibly one of those “negative” guys that don’t know their real status.
Becareful guys, better safe than sorry..
Interesting article. I agree that the reason men don’t use condoms is a complex thing to understand. i have gone without condoms in the past and can say each time the reason behind my decision was different. I am tired of public health talking about “risk reduction” but then condeming people who determine for themselves their level personal level of risk. The last time i tested was really turned off by the person who gave me my results (negative) but lectured me as I had two partners over a years time – she never bothered to ask me what i had done with each partner (neither had included anal sex) but instead I was lectured for having such reckless sex and disturbed thinking. I applaud all the “perfect” people on here who always use a condom and never seem to make “mistakes”- but please keep your judgements to yourself.
i hate condoms and nobody will tell me to wear one.
Every time I go for testing I pray to god to not test positive and promise him that I will behave from now on. Just two weeks after testing negative, it is back to barebacking. I dont think I have any control over it anymore. It is just not possible.
You know, people who dismiss this blog as verbose are really missing the point. It is not often easy to get at a complex psychological issue, or to challenge conventional thinking. But in the internet age we like facile and to the point. Please consider reading some of Susan Sontag’s books on art, camp, disease, etc., before you attack a 200- or 300-hundred work blog on something as important as our health.
The problem with safe-sex policies is that they always assume that if you don’t want to follow them, you are stupid. I know a lot of very intelligent bare-backers, and some stupid safe-sex advocates. Until we get at the underlying psychological issues–as well as ask ourselves why does being gay equal the double curse of societal ostracism and condom-use (teen straight boys don’t use condoms, I can assure you; I’m a medical writer and have read the studies)–we will continue to see the number of gay men infected with HIV grow.
Thank you, Stephen.
It would be my guess that most if not all the guys promoting BB sex were born and raised since the mid 1980′s. These guys live in a very egocentric self-centered world. They haven’t seen enough of their friends get sick , families suffer ,nor do they realize how expensive meds can be once you are positive plus no one has mentioned other stains of VD that you can get from unprotected sex. A few minutes of pleasure is not worth a life time of pain “no excuses” Their reasons for not using condoms are all about me me me The harsh reality is when you have sex with someone you are really a very small part of the equation .
yes there something intimate about two men in bed loving moving in and out without the aid of petroleum products and with no more than spit as a lubricant. Been there. Really enjoy it. The problem, which I have to get my head around, is that it is not socially responsible in and of itself and it is too easy for sex partners to fool one another and themselves given the absence of symptoms early on for most stds and the time lag for testing to produce reliable results. Frankly, my urge to be fucked bare (in casual encounters or non monogamous relationships) and my unwillingness to correct my behavior reflects the selfishness and selfdestructiveness we see all around us in all aspects of our lives. I know I can do better.
great to see a conversation about this topic. It’s important to politicize on it.
Watch: HOUSE OF NUMBERS.
I don’t care for the cavalier tone this takes with regard to bareback sex. Life with HIV is not a picnic. I know because I used to take care of a man with HIV and, I’m telling you, you miss one dose and the whole regimen can get thrown off and you can end up very sick. Worse, if you become HIV positive, it requires constant physical check-ups and time in a medical setting where your liver must be checked on a regular basis to see if it is handling your med load. The man I took care of had to be careful about going out to eat because the HIV wore down his immune system and made him susceptible to all kinds of bugs that a normal immune system would fight off. And furthermore, this article assumes that if one were to become HIV positive, they would find the medicine and live well. HIV IS AN EXPENSIVE DISEASE TO TREAT! RESOURCES ARE GETTING MORE SCARCE GUYS! PAY ATTENTION! WRAP IT UP! IT’S NOT WORTH IT!
While I think everyone is free to do what they will, I tend to think that people (not everyone of course) that choose to have unprotected sex are in denial or do not care enough about their own health, let alone care about others they may infect.
People take these modern HIV medicines for granted when they are in fact very expensive (as one poster mentioned above). Besides the fact that they are NOT a cure and they have side effects that in many cases show in your physical appereance.
If they put the most delicious dish you could ever think of in front of you but they told you this may or may not give you cancer, would you still eat it?.
Bottoms can’t feel any difference of having a dick inside with or without a condom, there’s no question about it, as for guys who can’t keep it up when putting a condom on, how about viagra? isn’t that a smarter way to deal with it?
As a middle aged registered nurse with a certification in chronic care and as a health coach: I really just do not have the time to deal with another chronic illness; why bother to expose myself. I prefer to enjoy my life; my friends, my adventures; my spirituality, being human.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not a saint…..it’s like adding sugar/salt to food I do not need to intentionally insult myself if I have hypertension and diabetes; why insult myself with exposure.
There it is- be good to yourself- if you are able.
All I have to say is condom beats the idea of taking medication/anti retrovirus drugs for the rest of my life
Hi,
I enjoyed your article. I hear in the background the logic of a lot of recent queer sholarship. I was wondering whether you could share with me any articles or books that have informed your ideas about barebacking. The books I’m already aware of are Tim Dean’s Unlimited Intimacy and David Halperin’s What Do Gay Men Want. I have found several articles on the subject but am searching for more.
I appreciate your help!
Prui
JD I dont like the last part of your comment. Instead of accepting that you are 100% responsible for what you do, you bitch people that try to tell you to use condoms. Why do you call them “perfect” ? Like if it was negative to ALWAYS use condoms. Think about it dude…
Dave
Like a lot of unattached guys I find myself horny-as-hell lots of times and nowhere to go but A4A to get that taken care of. A while back I came across a bottom on here that was insistent about barebacking. I had only done it with a condom up to that point but I was desperate for a piece and a little high/drunk, perhaps. I went over to his place and we went at it for about 2 hours. It was the hottest sex I had ever had – I didn’t know I could cum that many times in one day. When I got home I was a little freaked out with fear and fright and swore to myself I would never do that again. I even went and got tested and fretted until the negative result came back. Guess what happened…..over the course of time I kept thinking about it and jerking off while reliving it. The guy kept chatting me up on line, wanting us to do it again. I resisted as long as I could but ultimately I went back again-and-again-and-again. It’s the same cycle – I do it, regret it(temporarily), and fight the urge until I lose the battle and seed him again. I’m negative and he wafers back-and-forth between positive and “i don’t know”. Clearly I assume that he is positive and I am always looking for data on the liklihood of contracting HIV or an STD if you are a neg top seeding a poz bottom. This data is hard to find and very hard to understand. I’ve heard both extremes of this argument and think that some definitive information needs to be shared.
Fellow Fuckers,
This above ALL else is a MEDICAL ISSUE, although most HIV positive men are very healthy the facts are that many after years on Antiviral med’s begin to get very sick. Karposi Sarcoma, Cancer, and many of the opportunistic diseases that killed us until 1997 when the Antivirals arrived are severely incapacitating and killing us AGAIN.
Is fucking more pleasurable? FUCK YES! ! !
Am I willing to get HIV on purpose? FUCK NO ! ! !
I have no judgement about barebacking, if you’re conscious of today’s real health risks and care more about the pleasure of the moment more than your health that is your choice and it should be honored.
As for myself, I still fuck and get fucked with ALL strangers & fuck buddies using a condom. With integrity, I can say I am over the 10,000 life-time man fucks by now. When it comes to the delicious and divine bare sex, I ONLY do it when in a relationship and after my partner and I have both gone in to get HIV tests and gotten both Negative results together.
I love my Poz Brothers, and I have been at many besides as past lovers and friends crossed over and died. I have also had some of the MOST SATISFYING,EARTH MOVING,TANTRA FUCKS EVER with Poz Men using condoms.
Best,
The Healthy, Loving Man-Whore
Although not curable, AIDS is a treatable illness now. Oral squamous cell cancer from oral sex has a higher mortality and permanent disability rate. Perhaps we need to have that discussion instead since a majority of gay men including the author of the original article seem not to be aware of the risks associated with oral sex.
I’ve noticed that a lot of men won’t sleep with someone they know is poz but they are willing to bb with men they perceive as being neg. Why should HIV status make any difference as long as you are having safe sex?
I’m sick of guys who act righteous and judgemental and who emphasize their “disease free” status when all they want to do is bb with someone who tells them he is neg. I’ve got news, guys—if you want to stay neg, the only way to do it is to have safe sex. Anyone who rejects someone for being poz and then goes out and barebacks with someone else is simply, put, a hypocrite.
Well Blog… my point is basically i think it great they always use condoms but let’s get off the holier then thou attitudes towards people who on occasion don’t. I am sorry for coming across as bitchy but i also don’t think i should be told i am grossly flawed and disturbed because i have dated 2 people in a year and just happened to make out with them. On a side side note….I’m curious … would you tell a straight couple who had been monogously coupled for many many years that they are wrong for having condomless sex? i agree with guys on here who note the double standard between hetero vs gay sex and how public health views them- just another issues to throw into the pot. Hmmm i guess if everyone always practiced use of a condom then we would’nt have to worry about population growth as there would not be children born.
Rob, maybe you should ask Stephan- the author of the article- before being bitchy…
I’m sure he knows a lot on that subject also…
Dave
1. Without a REAL allergy to latex (not the usual made up convenient one)I defy ANY bottom in a blind test to be able to tell if the dick in his ass is wrapped or bare.
2. Unsafe sex is only “hotter” and “more real” or “natural” because you’ve allowed the unsafe sex guys to make you believe it is. You don’t fuck without lube, right? You gotta have lube or you do something else. It should be the same deal with condoms.
3. If you don’t care about your fellow human beings and the responsibility each one of us has to end this virus, and you expect the rest of us to just smile and foot the bill for your treatment you are a misanthropic asshole and don’t deserve sex from anyone.
4. Sure, in the end you can’t trust anyone but yourself to keep you safe–and that goes for all you “monogamous” guys too (newsflash: your partners are all out fucking around with ME)–but it’s a really shitty world when you outright refuse to give a damn about anyone else.
Oh, and I would never want, desire, or support an authoritarian world where someone told anyone how to have sax, nor do I believe it could ever work, so knock it off with the “condom nazi” namecalling already. If you are a decent human being you make the effort at safer sex because that’s what decent people do for each other and for their partners, not because someone made you do it.
My doctor in Chelsea says more of his clients die from colon cancer than HIV/AIDS. When women used to get Silicone breast implants they would break and cause cancer, now safe sex and bare backers are putting Silicone in their ass this is causing cancer in gay men. The tearing of the anus and the silicone is all up in you. All the older gay men are dying of colon cancer, I have seen this happen with many of the older bottoms I have known here in NYC. I’m 34 now now and became HIV positive when i was 31.. I had to take about 3,000 loads in my ass until i became positive.. never really liked condoms, and still don’t. But if you do like them, stick with using them. To each their own.
i would rather have NO SEX than wear a condom.
hello i read the article and found it interesting to say the least. Condoms or not to condoms. What is the real issues behind the topic is it the condom or the spread of a disease that I now carry in me and scared one day i will be dead in my sleep. Hummm. I was lied about about someone hiv status and thats how i got infected. Yes I made and active choice not to use a rubber as it so well named in the community. But really and honestly I hated myself but yet i am the only one to really blame for getting a bareback fuck and got it in the first place. And it came to my attention that he never knew he even had it himself til a month later when he got tested. So basically people lie and stuff about the status all the time and or are afraid to admit that there are whores in every walk of life. But at the same time how well do you really know some one before you do it. Is it 10 minutes or 11 years, or all your life. You never judge that book before you truely understand everything. The pills and condoms are a solution for the moment in time but in the longetively of a person mental health how well can some one handle on being infected and not coming to terms with them selfs because of a rubber breaking or pills dont work or whatever means to keep some one safe. First you both should get tested before during and after a relationship. That is a true form of knowing what is truely going on. I can honestly say it is the indivial will make the utlimate choice behind the condom or not to condom. Think about it. it might hit a nerve for some and not for others but i dont hide my status from no one and i tell them the risks before the jump in the bed and most of the time they dont even get that far based on my status. so read more before jumping down an article that might had a spark a nerve for some. I am not asshamed of who i am and niether should anyone esle
look, at the end of the day, we’re all adults free to make our decisons. free to decide if we’re going to let some guy bullying us with the threat of “no sex” if you don’t wear a condom; and, free to decide if we’re going to let a guy guilt us with “i swear i’m neg” and letting him bareback. i’m vers top, and i have been on both ends of the spectrum. i was with this one guy who damn near insisted that i fucked him bareback, and insulted when i didn’t want him to fuck me bareback. he swore he was clean, and i was young and dumb, and i let him ride my cock, and he fucked me…both bareback, although not to completion. turns out he was cleaned, and had the papers to prove it, and was more than happy to share them. i’ve fucked a more times bareback top a few guys. one guy i was seeing only liked it bareback, and led me to believe he wasn’t hooking up with anyone else bareback…then invited to his friends pad who fucked him bareback right after i did. but, only once as a bottom, but not to completion, by a marine i had been hooking up with this guy for damn near a year who was stationed near me. turns out that this would be the last time we’d be able to hook up before he was discharged, and to be honest, it made it really special. so, i think at the end of the day, yes it is your decision to make…so, why not make it WITH someone special.
The term “safer sex” is complete bullshit and the gay community should stop giving it credence by using it!
It implies (a) that ALL sexual activity is INHERENTLY unsafe and (b) that NO sexual activity can be MADE safe. Both of these statements are demonstrably false.
Get the never-to-be-sufficiently-damned christian right types who spout this crap out of our lives.
I’m personally shocked that anyone would advocate unsafe sex practices. I’m sorry, but to ask someone to put on a condom does not interrupt the “flow” of sex or insult them. It is such a common-place practice (in homo and hetero couples) that there should be no problems with it. It is FAR too easy for someone to lie and say they are negative to take the risk.
Besides, the anus isn’t exactly the cleanest place. Men risk getting all sorts of UTIs from condomless sex.
Oh well, if someone wants to take a risk for the sake of sex, it is their choice. I’d rather just have a cleaner experience with it all.
someone should tell the hetero community not to spread VD and AIDS. they started this epidemic and i blame them that i have to live with it. they killed my friends. i will never forget.
600,000 people have perished since the epidemic began & their lives taken from them too early due to HIV infection. Approximately 20,000 die every year in the U.S. from AIDS.
I have fucked around with about 25 men in my lifetime, 15 are my USMC life long camaraderie brothers in arms. In my case, it’s all about primal needs being satisfied. In civilian life it is so easy to find an eager cocksucker to rim and suck off to completion a USMC lonewolf in heat. What happens behind locked closed doors, stays locked down in a code of silence.
This article brought to light an important topic and the complacency and the denial about the seriousness about the disease & death.
The political correctness of being afraid to spell the facts in blunt truth in fears of offending, bruising the feelings or fragile ego, or catering to the audience of the self proclaimed life long victimhood crowd, sexual rejection of the overly sensitive crowd or trying to please the reader made me want to puke.
We are talking about a life and death situation here. To sugar coat and tippy toe over this unpopular topic is doing a tremendous disservice to all men.
Everyone needs to take responsibility here.
If you are HIV Positive, you need to protect yourself from a more virulent strain of HIV that would enter your body through BB sex. If you acquire that, the new meds will not work & you will succumb quicker. I do not want that to happen to anyone, straight, bi or gay.
If you are HIV Negative & want to stay that way, you cannot take their word for it, before you mess around, insist on getting tested, if they refuse, then it’s a no go. You have the responsibility to protect yourself.
A top Tbuddy of mine has recently started using the female condom for anal sex, said it is much better….have never tried this one before.
he blunt truth and reality is being reckless and playing Russian Roulette with your own life by choice can turn out to be a slow suicide. An hour of a bare cock up your ass is not worth years of doctor visits and an early death.
Everyone out there who cares about your life & the lives of others, Protect Yourself & Man Up.
The reason barebacking is so popular is because for so many of us, sex is an escape. Wearing condoms or dealing with anything hving to do with reality or bing responsible kills the fantasy. Sex is mostly psychological so for a lot of us, it’s the idea of what we are doing that turns us on. If it’s clicking in our brain, it’s going to click everywhere else. Why do you think people have so many different fetishes? As far as barebacking goes, it’s also an act of rebellion…doing somethin you know you’re not supposed to do…and in the end, isn’t tht the biggest fantasy of all?
After glancing through most of the thread following this post, I am, in the end, brought back to the reality of two distinct comments that have been made which are clear indications of the growing complacency in our community to sexual health; one individual states that it is “Plain and simple. I know the risks, I accept the risks, and I know that I will be able to be treated if something goes wrong. I sero-sort and I’ve been careful (and lucky) so far.” The truth is not as plain and simple and the last two words of this quote are the most telling; the second person, when rationalizing his stance, stated the most fearfully ironic “It’s fun to receive the prize in the end.”
I have been through the gamut of emotions having to accept contracting HIV and I can tell you that, even though I thought I was prepared, I wasn’t. And it is, most certainly, NOT A PRIZE!
I can accept the sincerity and the confidence with which these statements were made, and I respect that; but I believe that only in hindsight will your notions change. And it will be, unfortunately, too late.
I liked the article, although it seems to me in the community there is a lack of training and information on proper condom use, specially during gay (anal) sex. Condoms are not designed for anal sex, hence, the major reason they break. After much practice and testing (yes, I get lucky often), I had to learn the hard way, that one sex encounter DOES NOT EQUAL one condom. We all know that sex between two guys can be from the slow love making to the hard ass plowing. Nowadays, with my partners we change condoms between changing positions. It’s a good tecnique. Yes, condoms costs can add up, but trust me, it’s a lot less that HIV meds, and it’s good for me, good for him and good for we all. (i know someone else is gonna ride that co#k after I’m done.) – Hopefully they keep it safe.
At Scott how the hell you can say that AIDS came from Africa??? No one knows where it really came from.. So you can just get that out your head that it came from Africa.. The only reason why Africa have the highest rate is because no one takes enough time to teach their own people about safe sex.. They may teach them but there are still stupid people who dont use a condom. Just like here people do lie about if they neg or pos… but its always good to get tested.. if you bi gay or straight.. And one thing i dont get is why people so BIG on using condoms when it comes to regular sex but when you say you want to use a condom with oral sex people complain about that???? You can still get a STD/HIV from oral sex to but i guess people forget that one. When I got tested the lady told me they have more people coming in with STD in their mouth than in their privates. She said you can have in your mouth and NOT know it and you can give it to someone else. So to me if someone wants to use a condom during oral sex then the other person shouldnt get mad b/c they want to play it safe. Although I do unprotected oral sex I still play it safe and get tested so should everyone else gay bi or straight.. Because Im going to get tested tomorrow to make sure Im good.. So everyone just play it safe and if you into bareback just becareful and good luck to everyone.
For this reason, I choose carefully who I lay with…
I do know some who are postiive and still choose to have condomless sex with unknowing partners. Their answer is “well, they should know by know’. Its for that reason people should not seek pity on those who bareback and contract a disease. But maybe the disease will slow their asses down. In some cases, it wont!
In that case, when another affliction is set upon them my only reaction is to walk away. Boo hoo. If you only knew how careless some CHOOSE knowingly be you would have the same feelings as I do.
No remorse for the careless and hapless.
I’ve been fucking this married man for about eight years we always use condom’s but he never buys them or have them. I met him in a gay cruising book store he about 38 yrs. he always tell me I’m the only one fucking him I don’t think so, some times I find him at the cruise store. A lot off men say they use condom’s but never have them on their person like him. And yes I’ve have had unsafe sex before but I always have condom’s on me or with me I don’t know how you could say I use condom”s but never have them.
stupid JD- you are not too smart when it comes to the history of AIDS. you really should keep quiet unless you know facts. AIDS did come from Africa and from hetero sex. they were infected by green monkeys. another thing-you can not get hiv or aids from sucking a penis with no condom. you can however get herpes.
wow another GOOD reason to give Africa a BAD name just fucking stuipd.. And if thats true then thats just like saying well you cant get it if you have unprotected sex they both the same just their dick is in someone mouth and not their ass. If they cum in their mouth what they cant get HIV/STD but if they cum in someone ass they can get it.. that dont sound right to me someone is being two face about facts and need to get it right. And just like you can get herpes in your ass to from BB with someone who has it. But either way still good to use a condom with oral b/c you dont know what that person has just because it looks nice dont mean it is. And what they got you gon get it to.
stupid JD
The Marine had it perfect! thank you.
Scott, regardless where it came from, you will get your wish about not having sex anymore. People lie about their status. You have to protect yourself, and thus truly show the caring for one another.
stfu-JOE u dont know crap about this.
As hot as bareback sex seems, the idea of not using protection when having sex with people I do not know well enough just scares me…makes sex scary which does not make it enjoyable. People can say negative all they want but how can you believe them if you do not know them. SO, I will just fantasize about having unprotected gay sex or only have it in a partner situation…and it has to be one I trust inside and out, literally soul mate material. Otherwise, safe sex always.
However, I do respect that ultimately people have a choice and if someone choices to promiscous anything goes (i.e bareback sex) let them…it’s their funeral. No, HIV is not a death sentence but it is a burden. It all comes down to personal responsiblity. I will never understand why people do what they do because every one is different. Really, I would not wish HIV on anyone but it is this devil may care attitude that is leading gay men to their fate. I feel most compassionate for people who obtainted HIV through no fault of their own…condom tear, rape…etc.
And from experience this is a helpful tip for anyone who is promiscous…it is a rule for me. Don’t have one night stands..get their number first. Know them a little better to find out if you clique and the attraction is genuine…or better yet if they are genuine. They may seem hot in a dimly light bar but then you can wake up in the monrning and realize their are some serious turn offs with them like they are not as hot was when you were both drunk at the bar…which leds to another rule, if you are going to have sex avoid drugs and alcohol as it impairs judgement and makes one more vulnerable to be taken advantage of. Have a happy safe life and all my love to those HIV positive and negative alike.
im sur that most would agree condoms are theire .. use them and be wise
Well here is the unpopular point of view. Doctor tested me without permission after I told them I had a recent HEP B Vaccine. They stipulated it was cross reactive to the HIV test. How many other things are cross reactive to the test but our so-called compassionate medical professionals don’t inform us, when we as a community are “doing the right thing.” They WON’T tell you. I threw it all back in their face and they backed off BIG TIME. Should we take precautions? Use condoms? Yes! But don’t get trapped. They will try to get you into their HIV/AIDS system that gets government and pharmaceutical funding and has nothing to do with them caring about your health. Thank you.