22 Jun 2012

A4A: Preference or Prejudice?

Category: A4A

What is Adam4Adam? To an outsider the site may look like nothing more than a place for gay men to find other gay men to play, but once you are a member the site can become much more.

Over time, fuck buddies often become long lasting friends, long distance friendships can be made and maintained as we cruise profiles and chat with people in far-away places, and life partners can be found as we get to know one another in a more personal way. But for many, especially when first joining the site, membership is about marketing yourself as a sexual object to find a match.

Marketing yourself and seeking others based on how they advertise themselves takes skill and honestly the more precise and accurately you describe who you are, your physical characteristics and what you are looking for in another person the better your chances of finding your match and finding him quickly.

We all have preferences in men, tall, dark, and handsome – short, stout, and average, when it comes to what turns us on we are all very individual.

Every once in a while our support team will receive an email from a member saying that they find a specific profile to be offensive because it says something like, ‘masculine Black men only’ or “Whites to the front of the line” and even “no fats or fems”.

Knowing the site is a place for men to find other men that may be able to fulfill a very specific sexual desire because they fit into a certain group or have a specific physical attribute, is stating what you are looking for bluntly appropriate?

Is it prejudice or just a benign statement of a person’s preference to say something like “Black men only” or “no fats or  fems”?

If it is prejudice, how is stating your preference for a specific race different then stating your preference for hair color or dick size? And, if stating things like your racial preference is actually a sign of prejudice, would you want to know that a member is prejudice before you start talking with them?

So what’s the deal?

White / black, long / short, blonde / red, how do you state your preferences without being offensive and how do you perceive others when they bluntly state what they are looking for?

 

Stephan

 

259 comments for A4A: Preference or Prejudice?

  • hostyeswsi find some porfile verry afenssive expilay then one that say no fems that verious other bull shit wrre all guys we all have dick and weall need love we dont need hate that people who are do that jsut permote hatred int he gay comniulty what really needs be stoped to me the like trouing the race care as calling some the n word tis some thing you jsut dont do and or say

  • Preference. Stop with the prejudice angle. A4A is a site guys come to to look for sex. People have different sexual tastes. It’s a way to weed out the guys you’re not attracted to. Period.
    Guys who whine about someone putting their preferences in their profiles are doing just that. Whining.

  • Well its not often that you see ‘Black men” Only. more often its no black, asians or latinos.
    Its prejudice. Ask anyone of the people you excluded from the pleasure of ‘your’ company because of their race.

  • I agree, and the site is unique in a way that most of users that have history makes it fun. thats what it’s all about dont get me wrong i think the site could use a little bit more detail to design more so we dont loose the high volume of users also its loyalty of potential buyers and providers. Jacob,Stevens

  • I couldn’t agree more. For me when I look at someone’s profile and it says “black cock only” or “no hairy guys” I move on. I like to think of it as an early warning rejection with out the disappointment. I like it. People will use race as a escape tool to hide from their real feelings or how they really feel.

  • I find nothing wrong with stating who or what a person is looking for or desires. I happen to find long or big cocks and big heads a turn on. As for race or age I don’t rule out any one.

  • I am an overweight black man and am often turned down or ignored by guys i think are hot. I understand everyone isn’t attracted to me as i am not attracted to everyone but if I read a guy’s profile and message him only to get the reply “no blacks” it does bother me. I think simply telling a person they are not your type is ok but when you say “no blacks” it goes beyond whats necessary to let a person know they aren’t your type.

    I think its more appropriate and classy, to state what you are attracted to than what you aren’t, in your profile. I think stating what you want is preference but when you single out characteristics you don’t like (color, age, race, gender) and state them then you are being prejudice against them.

    Btw, I really did get a reply from a guy that said “no blacks” but I’ve gotten replies from guys that tod me i wasn’t their type and I was completely ok with that because I’ve told guys that too.

  • I always tell people, “I know what I see when I look in the mirror. I have no self dilutions about what I see.” I am an older fat man. I know that not everyone is interested in me in a sexual or non-sexual way. It goes without saying, what I like may not be what others like too. I am a firm believer in equal opportunity for everyone. When I put a preference on my profile I am looking for someone who will turn me on so that sex is enjoyable for all involved. If you don’t turn me on, things just don’t work like they were meant to. If I say I like whites or asians, does that mean I am prejudice against blacks or hispanics? No, it just means that for SEX, whites and asians turn me on… that’s all! I don’t have to suck a black or hispanic cock just to prove I am not prejudice.

  • People should grow up. If a certain race doesn’t stimulate an individuals interests, that’s what it is. accept it and move on. People want to send hateful messages. Big reminder of the crazy world we live in. bigger disappointment coming from fellow homosexuals.

  • When it comes to sex our preferences/prejudices are very real. I do not take it personally if I see that someone states a younger age criteria than I fit into. Sometimes those same guys might hit me up anyway. We each need to value ourselves outside of whether we turn someone else on sexually. Lol, but of course those younger guys are missing out on some great sex!

  • Its a guys right and prerogative to state his preference. People need to stop being so sensitive to the fact that not everyone is going to find you attractive.

  • Thiss is true and point well taken. Yet. The thing is this, yes we all have our likes and dislikes but the profiles that I’ve read did seem harsh yet demeaning. Or some that are demanding.
    not 100% of the time a man wants sex or just a chat. Yet to only give a complement.

  • I find profiles specifying racial preferences to be racist, but I also appreciate knowing that a guy has a certain view, so I don’t bother contacting him. In my opinion, stating preferences is both good and bad. We all have them, but most of mine involve traits and characteristics that can be changed or controlled – such attitude, smoking, weight (in some situations), values, etc. Outside of those, I’m openminded and willing to see where things go. When I read a profile full of “preferences” and the last statement says, “just my preference”, it sounds like a complete copout. It makes some guys feel better to call a prejudice something other than what it is – own it…man up.

  • Preferences should be stated as positives (e.g., “I’m into ____”) rather than negatives (“No _____”) to start with, but beyond that, it raises a larger issue: what’s the point of stating them at all? For a lot of guys, the point seems to be to discourage “undesirable” from contacting them, but there is no way, at least not within the length-limits imposed on profiles, to ensure that no one you aren’t interested in will never contact you. You can fill your profile with nothing but “preferences” and you’ll still be contact by guys you aren’t attracted to.

    Much better to use your profile to let people know who you are, anticipate being contacted by people you aren’t interested in, and then take the compliment implicit in that contact. If you can’t handle receiving an email from someone you aren’t attracted to, you aren’t man enough to be doing online dating.

    And it’s easy for “masculine” (whatever the hell that is), white, muscular men to say “it’s just my preference,” but I can’t help feel sympathy for the Asian men who are told daily that they are categorically unattractive. Keep your preferences to yourself; reply to the guys you’re interested in.

  • Interesting topic. I feel like this is an important thing to discuss though. Note that this is MY opinion only and, while I stand by it, I am fully open for both correction and reevaluation.

    Prejudice is fascinating thing that I feel derives solely from either two things: irrationality or ignorance. From the first origin, we can say that people who are inherently racist or discriminatory are so simply because they have an irrational fear or dislike of a certain group of individuals on no basis. These people have an active prejudice. On the other hand, people who are prejudice simply because of ignorance have more so of an inactive prejudice. This second group seems more so merely unfamiliar or simply ignorant of another group so they develop an inherent wariness of very different others. Of course these are just general lines of description, and there can certainly be overlap.

    Now, on the issue of racial preference — the NO BLACKS or NO ASIANS or the like haha. Often times I hear the false analogy, “Oh, it’s just a preference. You know, like broccoli! Just because I don’t like broccoli doesn’t mean I hate it and want to burn down all the broccoli farms. It just means I don’t want to eat it!” This is a close analysis of the situation, but here’s the thing — this analogy [or anything like it] is merely a reflection of that very same strange mindset. YOU are comparing other humans to VEGETABLES lol!! People are cognizant. They have feelings. They are human. They are NOT merely preferences to be thrown around because these categorical preferences hurt one another. These mere ‘preferences’ make others feel marginalized and objectified. They are the seedlings to a very dark history that hopefully will someday be learned from. One cannot compare preferences for food or anything else to ‘preferences in PEOPLE.’ It’s a harshly inaccurate and highly offense way to put it.

    Still, we do this all the time though. However, we do this through ‘cognizant characterizations’ rather than innate ones. For example, I can say, “Oh, I prefer not to date people who have bad hygiene.” Whereas another person says, “Oh, I prefer not to date people who are ASIAN.” In this sense, I feel that that’s such a stark contrast of characterizations. The first one is a choice (be it conscious or subconscious) whereas the other is innate (something one is born into and must live with throughout ones life because of societal constructs).

    Now there is, of course, the notion of an individual’s own personal ideals. I understand that most people mean no malice. Most people just ‘happen’ to like what they like. But see, I feel like that’s a false perspective. Things don’t just ‘happen’ out that way. Ask yourself, WHY do you prefer only THIS ethnic group or THIS race? I have found that there is a usual standard of three preferences:

    1) Preference to only an ethnic group that one is comfortable or familiar with.
    2) Preference to an ethnic group that one is unfamiliar with.
    3) Preference to White people.

    Now comes the shit-storm. I group it this way because of many reasons. Let me explain. (1) is grouped as such because it seems to be an example of either mild or extreme xenophobia. (2) is grouped as such because of some form of either mild to extreme fetishization. And thus (3) is grouped because I feel White peoples are neither necessarily completely unfamiliar or familiar to one specific individual because of their extreme prevalence in film, music, and media in general. Everyone has media exposure to White individuals, but not everyone necessarily is around White peoples very often. Also, because of the extreme prevalence of White peoples in mass media, they are very much a standard of beauty for most of the world. This is, of course, no disrespect to White peoples. It’s just that White peoples have a very unique niche in the market because of their high exposure in media, society, and cultural representation.

    While people, at most times, do have have most control over their preferences, we DO have control over how we go about it.

    So, I find that this is truly interesting then. I make the push that these preferences are not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. Rather, perhaps what is ‘bad’ is the ignorance that follows. As such, I offer the following solution:

    1) Acceptance of one’s own personal preferences. They are not inherently bad! Be happy with oneself! Be proud of who YOU are.
    2) Willingness to explore! Being open to all forms of broadening is always a good thing. Be adventurous and do not merely rule out something without even giving it a chance or a second thought.
    3) Understanding one’s own preferences and where they come from. Did you grow up without any exposure of Black peoples in your life? Is most of the media you consume only of White people?
    4) Do NOT fetishize people. It marginalizes ethnic groups and makes them less of a people, and more of some strange, slightly dehumanized alien race. While it is okay to have fetishes, it is not okay to demean and dehumanize others because of it (at least non-consensually haha).
    5) Be tactful. While it is okay to have preferences, I feel like it can be objectifying and disrespectful to vocalize them against people you have preferences against. Meaning: while there is nothing wrong with having preferences, there is something wrong with voicing one’s preferences in a way that may hurt other people’s feelings.
    6) STOP THE CYCLE. Understand that your preferences are your own and a product of your own experiences and mindset. Do not assume that just because you do not prefer this group means that they are bad. Do not go around saying things that are not true. Do not teach your children or others that things that are NOT necessarily true just because YOU prefer them a certain way.

  • There’s nothing wrong with having a desire for a certain type of guy. The problem is excluding all others because of things they can’t change. Whether it be age, race, color, gender etc. I have played with men of different ages, races, hight, and weight. What it truely comes down to it is the attraction to that person on a deeper level. Sure you can like someone because of what they are, once you get past that can you honestly still hold on to that attraction?

  • It doesnt matter how you state your preference or how polite you can be: there is always a guy who is going to get offended.

    I used to state my preference as “no blacks, no asians” and then changed it to “prefer latin and white guys”….now i get less messages from guys who got offended! ;)

  • Usually when a person states a preference its usually prejudice. I find myself attracted to mostly white guys, more often than not they wind up blocking me before we even get to chat. I would call that overtly prejudice. I am a black gay man, in case you havent figured that out yet.

  • I think that there are plenty of those gay men out there that truly are prejudice and/or racist. It is very obvious in most profiles where it is bluntly stated. And those who do stated are most likely just on a4a for a hot sexual encounter(s).

    That said, some of us do have that “fantasy” man or “dreamy” hunk that we would love to hookup with and have specifi physical qualities that we prefer. Like me for instance, I prefer that guys that hit me up are physically fit and within my age group. However I could care less of their skin color or the size of their dick etc etc etc. So I guess each to his own.

  • there is no right or easy way to reject someone… however, there are quite a few guys out there that are extremely racist in their preferences and have no qualms about voicing it and use “preference” as an excuse for marginalizing a person. I find it hilarious because these are the same people who cry about us as a “community” (and i use the term loosely) not being treated fairly. So big whoop hypocrisy all around. que sera, sera.

  • You can’t fault someone for liking something just cause you don’t agree. I also feel for the guys who are not the popular model that only few want. It’s not racist or shallow of you aren’t sexually attracted to someone. That being said both sides need to be nicer about how they say things.

  • This is a tough one. I don’t want to tell my whole life story, but I’m mixed race (black, white, and Latino) and I’ve got a dark complexion. The first guy I ever fooled around with told me I was his first black guy and that he had always assumed that because of “our cultures” he wouldn’t be able to get along with a black person, sexually. That has always stuck with me, especially after joining this site.

    I’ve been told before, “you’re really cute, but I’m in to white guys.” met people who don’t mind sleeping with me, but wouldn’t date me because of my race. It can even be problematic with people who LIKE black men. Because if I don’t fit in to stereotypes I’m not attractive either. lol. These ideals which people label as “preferences” I think ARE racist. I don’t think that the people who have them are racist themselves, necessarily, but they’ve allowed a very hegemonic idea of who the perfect man or the perfect relationship is as well as what they think others will think of them to rule what they do with themselves. And I think this applies in areas beyond just race. What job you do, how “masculine” you are, and a lot of other things work the same way. It’s not something you can change in a person. Their own life experiences have to shape what they find attractive. But I think everyone should take time to examine exactly WHY they, and so many others, don’t want to be with someone of a certain race.

    I, personally, have never felt the need to do a “laundry list” of what my perfect man looks like. I find it more advantageous to use my 500 characters to talk about who I am, as opposed to who I DON’T like. If I say I only want masculine guys who are in shape, my perfect man might read it and think that he’s not good enough and move on. I’d rather be open and see who all the people who like me are instead of bum people out by making them feel inadequate. I feel much better talking to everyone who messages me and using my communication skills. The whole idea that ignoring people makes a point never made sense to me. Plus shouldn’t we all just try and send out positive energy anyway? lol. I’m kinda the best person ever.

    Anyway…that was a lot…but it’s pretty much what I feel.

  • I think it’s the way you word things that makes it in the perference or prejudice category. I’m a black male and lots of times i see profiles that say “not interested into black guys (not racist just my peference, please respect)” and i dont get mad b/c it’s not mean.

    i myself perfer dominant white men and i’m not racist against other blacks so i understand but then i see comments that say ” likes all but blacks or no blacks( you will get blocked) and thats make me go ” oh excuse me” so as long as you word it properly you should be fine, if they still have a problem, well then that’s their problem.

  • I don’t state anything for the most part other than no bi/closeted/straight/married guys. Ethnicity and size are just too broad of a spectrum for it to limit who I’ll date.

    I do think it’s pretty racist for people to put black only, white only, etc and at one point in my life I was guilty of doing it myself just out of spite towards a few certain men I didn’t care for.

    For the most part though it seems really prevalent with mid 20’s to mid 30’s white guys. It’s like men of color are fine to be purely sex fetishes, and fine to be a fwb, but the minute we try for something real, we get shut down…. only to see said person in a relationship with someone who has half our looks and a tenth of our brains….

    I think it’s less of a “preference” and more of a fear of being stigmatized for dating an ethnicity that’s viewed as an “other”.

    Just my 2 cents.

  • Personally, I am an EOL. I judge based on chemistry, and my attraction is based on the amalgamation of attributes instead of making sure a checklist is completed. With that being said, there is much discrimination in dating/whatever you want to call it. If you say “no_____” that is discrimination in its simplest form. Now, whether that discrimination is based on a prejudice is a very personal discovery. Personally, i believe they are, because why else would we not be attracted to certain attributes while finding others sexy? We are definitely being conditioned by society (from birth). While I know we will never be post-race/size/gender/ability, what i hate is the “it’s just a preference” explanation because that denies the fact that we as a nation are conditioned to find certain things attractive, whether we consciously know it/hide it/whatever. If you are cool with your prejudice, then fine, but the “well i have many friends who are_____” is not flying with me.

    Market yourself through your pics and your description. If someone hits you up that you don’t find attractive, simply say “sorry, you are not my type.”… but that’s a whole new topic.

  • As with most things, when stated in a positive way (what you like or prefer) nobody is offended. When you state it negatively – no “diseased”, “clean” only, no “fats or fems” you have offended many, including those that may not even fit that description.

    My sense is that those types usually prefer only what they see in the mirror (a clone of themselves) and thus are insecure and missing out on a whole lot of GREAT guys.

    But in the online world it is amazing how large a gay man’s testicles become when in the real world he’d not have the cajones to post such negativism.

  • First of all, I think people that find something offensive are looking for something offensive because they need to relieve themselves of negativity from an unrelated source. People need to understand that they have no privilege to take issue of others. If somebody says something they don’t agree with, close the profile and move on.

    I like it if a guy has a clear vision of what he is hoping to find because I know if I don’t fit then there’s no sense pursuing anything with him. As for me, I try not to define anything in specific terms because I might miss out on a great conversation or may find a great friend in a person I would never consider being sexual with.

  • As a black man with very few preferences (more personality based than aesthetic), I feel a tinge of offense when I read “no blacks”. Though I am slim (and a chaser), I even feel slightly ashamed when I read “no fats”. The list goes on. The point Ive long made is that unless you are a white, heterosexual male, you are in a minority group. There are nicer more respectful ways to indicate preference while including the community as a whole. Further, those that have “no ______ ” would likely never say that in person or exclude that person in real life. So, why do that online? America has lost its luster as it relates to tolerance as Ive experienced more superficial, prejudicial behavior from thr gay community than I have any other; I simply refuse to be a part of that America. We could have taken gay marriage by now

  • First of all, most men in here are SHALLOW! But anyways! This site is for different types of people. You get to choose what you want. FRIENDSHIP, 1 ON 1 SEX, RELATIONSHIP ETC. Not everyone on the site is looking for sex and it is not a sex site people. Yes! I do consider it to be prejudice. Its better to state what type of guys you like and what your looking for. There is no need to put what you dont like. Like said about NO Fats or Fems. There is no need to be rude and vulgar!

  • The whole finding your hook up online is problematic. I think it’s unnecessary to say what you don’t like, just stick with what you do like.

    As to preference versus prejudice, it’s hard to separate those from each other in an ad. If we’re honest with ourselves we know if we’re prejudiced.

    No matter what, we are attracted to certain people and not to others for various reasons. That’s who we are.

    Like I said, put your effort into advertising what you are looking for, not what you’re not looking for. You can deal with that in a friendly conversation/chat, if you’re man enough.

  • very correct and concise but please get real

  • Good topic. I personally shy away from profiles with long lists of what they don’t like, as it leads me to believe they are short-sighted and small minded. But I certainly don’t think such comments should be banned or regulated. One, i like being able to know what a person thinks, wether I agree with them or not – it helps me sift through the masses to find someone compatible. Also, I don’t think stating “i only am into asians” is hateful, though some surely take offense. I feel it is no more hateful than stating you are looking for someone taller than you are, or someone who is employed, or even someone who lives near you. they are just preferences.

  • I never really post responses to the a4a blog, but I think this is an interesting topic. First off–know that everything said is my own opinion & you are entitled to have a differing standpoint. With that said, I can understand how reading, “blacks only” or “Sorry, I only go for white guys,” can be a little daunting. You would like to think that in this day and age, we would’ve all evolved into individuals who ignore race or other psychical qualities. However, the truth of the matter is that race, height, hair and eye color are all obvious things that we can’t help seeing. Furthermore, they’re things that we can’t help being attracted or unattracted to–for whatever reason. I, like most guys on the site, am an offender of being pretty specific as to what psychical attributes I’d prefer in another guy (tall, white, masculine, around my age). It’s not that I couldn’t find anything outside of that criteria attractive, I’m only stating what I am TYPICALLY attracted to. But, it definitley is unfortunate when I see a guy who I’d want to talk to, but he’s specified that he’s not attracted to black guys. It sucks, but that’s life and in the end, it saved me a lot of time and effort. Try not to take things so personally, guys–it’s not the end of the world. It’s just adam4adam.

  • A pertinent issue, but you’ve sugar-coated the words already. As you’ve said, yes, the first instinct upon membership is to market yourself “as a sexual object to find a match.” One look at the nature of these profile visuals and one has to agree that the physical attraction is equal to, if not more important, than the level of personal compatibility (thus I quote the oft-seen phrase “no one reads these profiles anyway,” referring to the natural tendency of men to message a guy based on his pics)

    You give the example of “BLACK MEN ONLY,” but this is not the problem (for the majority of people). The main offense comes from “NO BLACKS,” or any reference to a certain RACE in the negative. Most people couldn’t care less if a profile says “BLACKS TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE” since this doesn’t pigeon-hole the “minority” races into an inferior status of sex appeal (of course, we’re speaking from a predominantly Caucasian point of view… please excuse me while I try to make a point). Yes, we have our individual physical turn-ons, and that can be largely influenced by the stereotypical and/or common physical features found in different races. However, to simply announce that you think the whole black race (or any other race) is physically/sexually NOT appealing is not what an educated and socially-aware person would post. Physical characteristics which can be maintained (or not) through personal exercise are things each person can motivate himself to improve; however, being a certain race is unchangeable. Therefore, this can be a sensitive topic for any guy in any minority group.

    Now, with all of this said, I will play devil’s advocate and say that yes, I might never have found any black guy attractive, leading me to think that all these years of sexual encounters without a single attraction to a black man an indicator of my sexual preference; this is understandable and a reality. However, it just comes down to this: publicly announcing your lack of sexual interest in a whole race makes you look racist in the eyes of many, so have some tact if you plan on filling out your profile.

    Sorry for the lengthy post. Even after all my gibber jabber, this issue can still be argued, as I couldn’t completely take into account many of the other possible angles of this issue. I’ve just tried to touch on the main issue at hand and sort of call out Stephan for sugarcoating the issue by not pointing out the real offensive nature of the issue.

  • Interesting question. I believe the thing is that while few see this site as a meeting place, to a vast majority it’s a site to find the quick fuck. As such, they are stating who they find attractive for that particular end. I do not feel it is prejudiced per se, however, if you read some of the profiles that have those comments in them, the context can be interpreted as such. As for myself, I’m open to talk to anyone however, if I’m here for something sexual, I just find it easier to let the person know that I’m not interested in them like that. It tends to be received more positively.

  • Nothing is wrong with saying you prefer black men… but to add NO WHITES after that is a tip off that the person is anti-white… this is just an example; the same could be said about asking for muscular and adding NO FAT DUDES.

  • Preferences are fine but the way of expressing it can be rude. Saying you prefer HWP rather than “no fats” makes all the difference in the world. Make it about yourself and your preferences and not about the other.

  • Racial prejudice? It’s all over the place. The more insidious prejudice is all the “DDF UB2″ sort of statements. Particularly when so many “DDF” guys play bare and have often never been tested for any STD. For those of us who are upfront and direct about serostatus and safe sex, the stigma and discrimination is thick enough to cut with a knife. Gay guys who think they are invincible and “above” anyone who is poz are the first ones to crash and burn hard when they end up poz too. The pretty bareback party boys almost always end up with full blown AIDS since they refuse to test while openly discriminating against everyone who is open about it.

  • It always takes me aback when I see a profile that says something like “I’m not into black people”, which a surprising number do, more or less, and some outright. When they use the word ‘people’ or an analog, that sounds like prejudice to me. And if it’s meant benignly, I would suggest that a stern talking-to is still in order, because we learn tact and diplomacy, too often, by committing a faux pas, and then being corrected for it.

    Personally, I like the smorgasbord that A4A is. There are people of every color, thin to chunky, short to Lurch, black, brown, tan, yellow, red, white and MyAssGlowsInTheDarkI’mSoWhite.

    I mean, yeah, I have preferences, too. But if my only choices were clones of what I like…what’s the fun in THAT?

  • Guys need to not be so pissy n just accept that someone just possibly might not be attracted to them….grow up n get OVER it……it s called attraction…i m tired of ppl using the word preference,,,it s a cop out phrase…..u like what u like,,,,,

  • In my opinion, its gone a lot further than preference. Now men state what they want to be very stern and objective. I also feel like the issue has been rooted even deeper. I think porn has a lot to play in it as well. Men, especially curious men usually start out by watching porn and in porn you have men that might not fit the usual qualities of the everyday man. So then in turn they bring that image of what they want and the experience they want to have here. Which is why most find it offensive. Its okay to have a preference, but its sicking to think that our lifestyle is being tainted by the hate that I sometimes see on here. Men act like they are horny fuckers and don’t have the decency to even try to hurt others in their pursuit. Bottom line is it preference? i do not believe it is anymore. Gay men are just turning into self centered dicks, and the straight man is ruining our lifestyle more and more by bringing hatred…just my opinion

  • I’ve never considered myself to have a preference per say, but I know some traits, or some specific traits on people just really rustle my jimmies.

  • There is a major difference between preference and prejudice.

    A preference expresses a high desire for one thing in comparison to another. Pepsi and Coca-Cola are both cola drinks. I prefer Pepsi, however, I have nothing against Coke. In the abscence of a Pepsi on the menu, I will be satified with a Coke. A profile that expresses “Latinos to the front of the line” is a preference. That profile does not exclude the other ethnic groups.

    A prejudice expresses a judgement or rather a pre-judgment and is intended to degrade and/or exclude. A profile that states “White only” or “I do not find Black men seually attractive” is problematic in that it evokes and promotes hate.

    There is such a limited number of spaces and characters that we can use in our profiles, so it is safe to assume that we place the most critical and pertinent information in then. When a profile excluses a candidate based upon race or ethnicity, it communicates that a person of that race or ethnic group is not worthy or valued.

    Hair color, eye color, build, penis size, and height preference are innoucuos, but when it goes to skin pigmentation, it’s not a preference. It’s a prejudice.

    You don’t have to bluntly state a racial or ethnic preference in your profile. If someone contacts you who is not your ‘preference’ you should just say thank you, I’m not interested or ignore them.

    The gay community has had a tremondous struggle in this country. It seems ridiculous to have schisms within our ranks based upon race. People who discriminate against us, discriminate against us across the board regardless of skin colors. We should just grow up.

  • There is a fine line between preference and prejudice when it come to sites like this. I am sure that a lot of men will cry foul when they read this. But weather you say it your preference to only like men that are bulit or fat or young. While it is your preference you are prejudice aganist the men that are outside of you dream man. When you say that you will sleep with every race but black and then add you have black friends. Well my dear I hate to be the one to tell you this but your prejudice in the worse way. This also go for black men that do the same thing. We come on these sites looking for a quick fuck that sometimes turn in a long friendship and for some they find the man that they have been looking for. But for those of you that is only looking for the perfit man of your likeing it will always end in a messy way. While your looking for Mr. Right that has to be white; he pass by you several times because he was black. The same goes for you black men out there as well. It also go for every other race as well. I know there will always be men that are prejudice and you will call it preference. There is nothing that will change that. But don’t you guys think we have enough on our plate without having to add this to it as well. Remember we all look the same in a dake room. Yes I am black and I am gay and I take great pride in that. No I am not saying go out and fuck some one of a difference race but I am saying if your going to base it on that don’t hide it. Set it out front so that we all will see what you about and then maybe you will not have to block someone just because they said hello or sent you a smile. Remember you did say you were looking for friends and gave us a pic of your dick and ass.

  • I honestly think it’s a preference. I think it’s better for people to be honest about what they want. For example I’m black but prefer to only date white guys. You like what you like and it’s better for it to be put out there right at the beginning so that people don’t waste their time or get their feelings hurt.

  • hatred is is hatred people need stop aclike like liite kids

  • I have thought the same thing when I see someone state in their profile, “No blacks. Just my preference.” Not that I am judging anyone, but what is it about a black man that makes you not want to have sex with him? Is it latent racism? Some of the sexiest men I have ever seen are black and some of the best sex I have ever had was with black guys.

  • Good stuff! I think we all have preferences in everything we do in life. From the foods we eat to the movies we watch. So it’s natural to have preferences when looking for a sexual or lifetime partner. I do think some of the profiles make be a bit offensive. Instead of saying something like “No FATS or FEMS” – try saying something like “Looking for slim to average masculine guys”. It’s all in your delivery. I myself try to treat others as I want to be treated, so if I do list some preferences, I will do it in a way as not to offend the ones that are not in my preference.

  • Well I am on A4A, yes I am a big guy but it’s sad to say that I have had hateful remarks made to me because I use a guide dog. I am yes visually impaired. I have been told no one wants to take care of me when infact I am very independent and I am working on my degree in law. Doesn’t really say much for someone who puts up such a front like they have a pocket full of money yet you make tips at a resturant. No offense to excellent waiters out there. People need to understand we all have challenges and we as a gay community are always crying that we are not being treated as equal, yet we can’t treat our own with respect. I always say tables turn and once you have a life changing event it really makes you wake up and realize being shallow is not the way, but being open minded and accepting of others should be the priority. My thing is if you can’t accept or deal with my blindness then I don’t have the time for you, but if you are willing to open up your mind and heart I have all the time to educate a person and put them at ease as to how my life really is and what is involved.

  • To all the African American men out there, I will be honest I am not physically attracted to you, but that will not stop me from sitting down to dinner with you and going to a movie and just hanging out. Although if the friendship should take a turn, well you can’t help who you fall in love with, it just happens I think my feeling of attraction would change. I give everyone a first chance until you prove to me otherwise that I can’t trust you then no one in my book has a problem. So guys I feel your pain with the discrimination, but keep your head up and move forward there is someone for everyone in the world.

  • I don’t really have a problem with people stating their preferences…however…It does rub me the wrong way when someone says…don’t hit me up if you are ___ and then they hit you up…even if you fit that criteria…I feel it’s very arrogant..they can hit you up, but you can’t hit them up?? I’m older and I see some guys who hit me up that say no guys over 40…and I’m 42…I always reply that I’m out of their stated age range…and then they say something to the effect that they don’t care…blah blah blah…and I usually reply that they should think about modifying their profile then…lol

  • I believe it is totally prejudice to target specific races, body types, social standings, etc. in a negative connotation. As a marketing major, I have found that it is important to create an inviting profile and not to be the cretin that burns unknown bridges. As a site user, it is a huge turn off to see such lists.

    It is understandable to sway away from certain foods because of allergies but to do so without first trying them, is to live in a square. Many guys are so stuck in an alternate “porn” universe that they can’t take the reality with a grain of salt. If guys expanded their boundaries, they may find that they’ve been missing out on awesome experiences.

    I feel that “GayLand” is segregated and oddly enough, it is socially accepted. We need to do better. We can at least start by treating one another with due respect, even if he’s truly not our type.

  • I think it’s a fast easy way to find what your looking for, nothing racist, after all there are 1,000,000+ profiles on here and if you don’t fit then move on, don’t waste your time. I’d rather ppl say no this or that, than waste my time emailing just to find out there isn’t an attraction to begin with.

  • When you categorically make a decision concerning any or all persons based upon their race, it is by definition racist. With regard to sexual preferences this type of racism is not necessarily bad, or perhaps as bad as the way that we traditionally and immediately perceive things to be when we judge them as racist. If sexually one prefers dark-haired men,and avoids blonds, one could be said to be “blondist” which of course doesn’t carry any of the evil baggage implicit in the term racist. While ideally we should judge everyone individually, the fact is that we have each developed our own set of turnons and preferences, and like it or not race, like age, physical build, perceived masculinity, education level, etc. is an immediate and conveniently obvious means of classifying the crowd into the ‘possibly yes’ and the ‘probably not’ groups. Whether the personal reaction to a certain race stems from the more insidious definition of racism or a truly innocuous sexual preference is a question for introspection and psychological study, but there are certainly more pleasant and polite ways to express our preferences than are often seen online on gay hookup sites, and an open mind can often lead to a pleasant surprise when one overrides the initial impulse to categorize others into stereotypes that are never as strictly drawn as we tend to think of them.

  • This is an interesting an meaningful topic. I am a white, mature man who has dated, been in love with, and lived with, 3 men at different times. One white, one black, and one asian. Each of those times, because of who I was in love with, that is who I was attracted to. The man, not the race.

    There are lots of thoughtful comments on here, with various opinions. I like comments on here that encourage “positives”, because that’s what it’s all about. Men don’t get on A4A to avoid contacts, they get on A4A to make contacts.

    As for myself, when I look at my history of who I approach and who I am attracted to, it’s obvious there are more black men in my history than men from other ethnicities. I don’t have an explanation for that. Maybe it’s partly to relive some wonderful experiences. And there is honestly a physical attraction. I’m not into fetishes or stereotypes, but I appreciate some features and skin tones. But no reason to exclude anyone of any race or ethnicity, for friendship, or lover, or hookup.

    In a way, I’m grateful when I see a profile that says “no old white men” because I know that’s not someone who there will be a question about. I also understand when someone black may have had a string of bad experiences with white men who considered them stereotypes, fetishes, or not worthy of friendship or romance, or not worthy of taking seriously, and I also appreciate there may sometimes be asense of camaraderie that can exist in a shared culture (although I don’t feel that for other white men. I don’t know why).

    But I especially value the good conversations, growing friendships, and good experiences I’ve had on here with men who just wanted to get to know someone regardless of, or even because of, our racial differences. Life is too short to rule out meeting a great guy, just because of race.

  • Jeez, its been forever since I’ve signed on (because I believe i found that special someone) so not sure what my profile says. BTW, i have the blog favorited in case you were wondering.

    I know i have an age preference stated and i think i put i prefer white or latino men. But i never ruled anyone out if i found them attractive, just more often then not, i would find white and latino men more attractive than others.

  • I honestly think that it isn’t prejudice. You can’t help on what you like. For instance me, I only like white guys. And it clearly states it on my profile. But I also get a lot of other guys that hit on me and then they get all pissy when I tell them I only like white men. Why should they? They should of had read on my profile right from the start to avoid any miscommunication or confusion. When I read a “black men only” or “no shorter guys” I just move on and don’t make a big deal. Why? Because everyone is entitled to their own tastes and likes so why male a big deal out of something when it cannot be changed. Just my point of view

  • I think it is a matter of preference. The preference, however, may or may not be founded in prejudice. For example, one may simply not be attracted to people of dark skin (just a “biological” preference) or one may not be attracted to people of dark skin because they attribute a perpetuated social stigma/stereotype to such people.

    At any rate, as gay and bisexual men, it is our obligation to be open minded and overlook prejudicial attitudes. Not doing so is hypocritical and makes us no better than those who are intolerant and unaccepting of us. Quite simply (as Patty Sanger from Millionaire Match Maker says): “let your pecker do the picking.” That is, if the guy turns you on go for it!

  • racism is racism not matter how you dress it up. if i put an add up on a site for a job and said no blacks or blacks only or no fats or fems. act. it is called discrimination. so tell me the difference please. chocolate or vanilla ice cream is a preference, apples, oranges, bananas ,are preferences. but when you start putting your hate out there about the type of people you are attracted to it becomes so negative and such a turn off.and it is racist. i agree it is a fine line but it just takes a little consideration on your part to decide when to disclose this info, with the person you are talking to. it’s really not much difference then on line bullying. when i see the negative profile in my room i just block them, unfortunately my block list is very long. this site has been a real eye opener for me. and not really a good one.

  • Those people who insist on “no blacks” are saying they don’t find black guys such as Jim Brown, Michael Jordan, or Uhser attractive. That they would rather have sex with a plain white guy such as Chris Elliott than with an attractive black guy. Yeah, that explains A LOT!!!

  • O.K. here we go again……A rose by any other name…..blah blah blah……..I like men…….period….race is irrelevant…….preference equals prejudice…………but this is America and we have a right to be ignorant…LOL

    Personally I am glad to see the “just my preference” ….it allows me to exercise my prejudice against prejudice….sorry….just my preference……..If we would just get out of our own way….imagine how much better we could all be……..

  • There is a long and problematic history of prejudice within the gay male community that is also part and parcel of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. It’s not talked about nearly enough but it turns out that gay men also operate in other spheres of identity such as race and gender. So guess what? White gay men enjoy privilege related to their race and their gender expression even if they don’t enjoy that privilege related to their sexual orientation. In the gay community there is a lot of sexual racism and I do not have a lot of hope that it will go anywhere, anytime soon. The best we can do – we who are aware of the sexual racism – is to actively fight it and not stand up for it. And hold our brethren accountable when they show signs of it, and hold ourselves accountable when we find ourselves slipping into that kind of thinking. Sexual racism is real, folks.

  • As to Dav’s post about not finding black men attractive, it turns out that attraction has everything to do with subliminal social messages we receive from a young age that train us to find certain things beautiful and certain things not beautiful. Our sexual identity is as bound by structural and social forces as anything else. So guys who say they’re not into black guys, for example, are likely expressing deeply seated prejudices they weren’t aware they even had until the opportunity comes up for the prejudice to come out.

  • Problem is that sometime you need to state what you don’t “get off on” because if you don’t some guys will message you because it’s not stated. Unfortunately not all gays are as smart enough to read what you are trying to say without offending them.
    To be truthful yes, it might hurt your feelings, but do you really want someone talking to you that really has no interest in you. A4A is primarily a hook up site, but it is a lot more. As such the big emphasis is going to be to list what you find most sexually appealing. When you get into the making friends, we can broaden our preferences, but more often than not, you still want to be friends with those whom you find comfortable with.
    As far as still messaging a guy who states that he is not into what you got, why would you do that to yourself? Let them come to you, don’t force yourself on others.

  • in short its not predjudic to seek out your sexual partner happy hunting guys “,,”

  • What about white men who only want to hook up with black guys because of their huge cocks but in their social life they don’t include them and deny them and even say racist remarks about them? This also applies to black-white (“I only hook up with white men and my friends don’t know”), latino-black (I’m not into black guys, eww”). I know and I’ve met here on A4A many people like that. What is that? Preference or Prejudice or both? So confusing…

  • Would it be *sexist* for someone on this site to say that they’d prefer to be with a man than a woman? Then how is it racist to prefer a black man, a white man, or whatever race, weight-range, height-range, age-range, or *whatever* you personally find sexually appealing? I sometimes see profiles where I am pre-emptively rejected because I am too old (47) or because I am not black, or because I don’t fit their sexual practice. It can be disappointing, but their preference is what it is, and they are entitled to it.

  • Yes we all have preferences but when you hide behind your preference & it’s clear your being prejudice that’s where i have a problem. You can’t tell me that even though you may have a preference for someone white you’ve never seen someone black, latino or asian or even someone older than you that you hav’nt thought of as attractive that’s total BULLSHIT!!! I find it soooo funny how our community can be against someone on the outside who’s prejudice against us but yet we treat members in our community the way we do!!! At the end of the day even if your not attracted to the person as you say (because of your so called preference atleast be nice & not an asshole!!!!)

  • Preference that can be stated in a racist way. Im white, and (I know this is so cliche to say) I have many friends who arent. Actually through my entire life, my best friends and those who Im closest to where and are not white. However, when it comes to sexual attraction, Im only attracted to other white men. I state this in my profile but try to be pragmatic about it. “White guy into other white guys”, I really dont even like having it there but it saves me and other guys a lot of time when its known that its not a match and wouldnt work out. However, crass statements ending in “only”, “need apply”, etc. I think do have purposely racist undertones to them and even if not are dickish and shows a lack of thoughtfulness or tact of any kind.

  • To me, the cloud of internet anonymity brings out the very worst in people. Some people send ridiculously crass e-mails (i.e. “Hi Dude, I wanna F*CK that a$$.”), some ignore people who’ve taken the time to write a nice message, and others put insensitive things like racial preferences in their profiles.

    Didn’t their parents teach them any interpersonal skills? It takes all of 15 seconds to respond to somebody’s e-mail and say “thanks, but I’m not interested”. If you’re interested in somebody who “…acts like a man”, then try acting like one yourself.

    Ultimately, I have a mixed reaction to profiles stating “No (insert preference here)”. While I do find them offensive (or at a minimum insensitive), it’s also an indicator that this isn’t the sort of person I’d care to know.

  • I feel so validated by this stream! I moved to California 2 years ago and I was very surprised to find so many guys that put “No Black guys” or ” Sorry into White Guys only”! It was my first glimpse of life as a minority. I come from the East Coast/South. I was accustomed to segregated gay scenes but never, pure segregation. People that comment that not being attracted to other races, and dont call themselves racist are delusional. If you dont prefer someone specifically because their skin color and ethnic features; YOU ARE A RACIST! Here is the good news! We all are! Most of us are considerate enough to keep our BS to ourselves. No Im not into Blonde “Hollister” types. But I wouldnt say that in a profile. I mean what idiot wouldnt take a turn with a hot Blonde twink!;) But if you would turn down a hot guy in every way, but skin color. You have a problem BOO BOO!

    I am so happy to see people expressing themselves on this topic. And dont dismiss it! Of course, this is only a problem for the people of color. White men dont have to face this discrimination en masse. All my people of color understand. When people exclude persons of hue from their attractive list they might as well just replace their pics with Swastikas. For those of you that feature this language in your profile and dont think its blatant racism, its ok your no real loss.

  • The vast majority of the time when a person expresses a preference in an online profile, it is FOR the White race, and the vast majority of the time when a person expresses a dislike in an online profile, it is AGAINST the Black race. There are guys on here, who have profiles that claim that they are looking for “friendship”, but many of these guys, will not even CHAT with specific people, simply based on race. This is racism people. This is not a preference. OMG.

  • I say preference. I’m a black man. I see profiles who have specific ideas.. black only, no black, whatever. I’m able to discern that it’s preference.

    I don’t take offense, because i don’t see offense. If someone isn’t into black guys, why would I be bothered by that? Why would I even ENTERTAIN The idea to begin with?
    There are so many insecure people who feel they can justify that.

    Don’t get me wrong… i’m sure there are SOME guys who are being prejudice. There’s always some who are extremists, that’s natural. But most… just have an idea of the man they want, and good for them to say it. Whatever.

    To me it doesn’t matter. I get the attention I want, and quit often deserve. And I ignore everything else that doesnt apply. Lets get over the bs. FInd a guy, don’t find a guy. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF THEM!

  • Just got to say this and I am done. There is NOTHING wrong with having a racial preference. I have mine too as a black man. Here is the problem: when someone MAKES IT A POINT TO MENTION YOUR RACE WHEN A SIMPLE SIMPLE SIMPLE “not interested ” will suffice. People SIMPLY need to know if you’re interested or not. They don’t, however, need to know WHY you’re not interested. These people are in fact racist and it is not a matter of preference as they are making it a point to throw in the race card. Am I wrong?

  • It upsets me that this is seen as prejudice. It isn’t like they are saying they hate other races. They are just being honest, “dude, sorry, you’re just not my type.” Rather than having to type that message out to every person that doesn’t meet their needs/wants can get ridiculous. I receive so many emails on this site everyday from people that I don’t find attractive. Sometimes, I tell them that they are simply not what I am looking for here, and they understand and are totally chill. Usually end it with “Happy hunting” or something to that effect. But some guys, generally speaking the ones who are more targeted by these comments, are quick to respond with hateful “victimized” comments. From my side, I would only have 2 choices, to tell them that I am not interested in meeting with them sexually, or I can be rude and blow them off. One seems the better option, but both end with the same result. I think it is unfair to us who try to display what we are interested in. However, I do agree that there should be a degree of finesse to the act of turning people down. It can be very rude the way some people do it. And I will not try and justify them. It is not prejudice.

  • In essence, I don’t see the point in going through the motions with somebody, and in order to avoid the dreaded thought of being perceived as a racist to some of these oversensitive people, you meet the guy and cant even get it up. What is the point? There comes a point when someone gets offended and all upset when he doesn’t get what he wants.
    ex.

    Me: Thanks for hitting me up, dude. I’m sorry, but you just aren’t what I am looking for right now. Happy hunting.

    You (guy with different skin than me): No need to be rude about it. It’s not my fault you are a racist bastard.

    or.

    You (guy larger than me): Everybody on this website is a *** flake. *** all of you!

    Me=Always lose when I decline.

    I’m not hooking up with a guy i’m not interested in. It’s a hookup site. fulfilling carnal needs. people just need to grow a pair and learn that you cant please everyone.

  • As a child, I was raised with the philosophy of “If the shoe doesn’t fit, then don’t wear it”. That meant that if someone made an accusation but I was not guilty of said accusation, then I was not the one being referred to. Conversely, if a profile mentions traits, age groups, weight designations, race considerations (affirmative or not so), skin color differentiations, and I did not fit into any of those categories, THEN I SHOULD MOVE ON.

    Not everyone is going to love me, no matter how fabulous I (and my mom) think I am. SO WHAT! There are plenty of people that do. Some of them actually want to be sexual with me. I still get to make MY CHOICES.

    I should be able to do so without outside criticism from some random guy on a sex site, voicing his distaste, and disdain for MY CHOICES. Sounds like a lot of sour grapes from the guys that want to choose someone that doesn’t want to choose them.

    Personally, I don’t want to be with anyone that does not think I am hot, no matter how hot I may think they are. Them thinking I am hot, makes me hot…Me thinking they are hot, makes them hot…and both of us thinking each other hot, makes us SIZZLING!…and the opinions of others don’t matter.

  • Well my preference is a white male, 6’1”, 172lbs, red hair, green eyes, subtle facial hair, 1986 freckles, 7 5/8″ uncircumsized penis, former junkie, beatifully broken artist, makes a good living, drives a ’65 Ford truck, loves to sing to me but has a terrible voice, versatile, wears skinny jeans and leather jackets with a bow tie, owns a sword, drinks tea every morning, can cut my hair, has tattoos, likes to read, can swim (because I can’t), skinny with a solid chest and a slight beer-gut that loves to give 20min rim jobs.

    This is perfection… To me. Rather than saying “no blacks” or no anything, I can just be specific about what I want.
    Like mother always said ‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”.

  • As a black man i have stated on my profile no white men. so….that means i am racist and prejudiced? i dont think so. i stae no white men cause sexually not attracted to white guys and i do not have the desire to hang around them. reality check this is a white centered society so at the end of the day i feel most comfortable being around people that look like me. so for friends and lovers i prefer men of color. plus reality check yes we are all men who love men but a white man can NEVER fully understand what it is like to be marginalized by the larger society and i do not have the energy or time to educate someone when i have been slighted because of my race.

    So sorry not a racist or even prejudiced. its a prefrence.

    Now as to why i dont like black men?……thats another issue…….:-)

  • Ok. I like what Dav said and I super agree with it. I’m an average black guy in his mid-20’s, but since I was young, I’ve always heard nothing but negativity toward black people and sorta wished I wasn’t. One shouldn’t have to feel that. But that’s not the issue at hand. But it’s slightly related.

    To Skinsfan90, as a black guy who only dates white guys…you tell me. Since you’re only interested in white guys, that means you’re only hitting white guy’s profiles. So…don’t you dare tell me it doesn’t sting RIDICULOUSLY when you hit 20 profiles in a row of guys that have piqued your interest and every single one of them say “no blacks. Not racist just a preference.” because that tends to be the popular thing stated.

    I have a friend that doesn’t believe that the whole “no blacks” thing isn’t a big thing and doesn’t happen much and its all in my head. I told him “Of course you don’t see it! You’re a pretty, little white boy. No one excludes you from anything! There is no one online ever that is like ‘no white guys!’ and if there are, it’s one out of like 1,000. As opposed to the 1 of 100 guys that will like a black guy.” to which he said I was exaggerating. But I’m glad to see that it seems to be a universal thing. But my question is…why black guys? I honestly came across a profile that seriously said “Hey all. Looking for guys to get to know. I prefer white guys, but I’m open to all races. So hit me up. :) No blacks, though. No offense, just my preference.” to which I did take GREAT offense. Because he basically said “Everyone else is welcome except for YOU!!”
    So…personally, I find it more offensive than not.
    I, myself, have no racial preference. But I think that’s more of a reaction to being jilted so much that I try not to exclude people based on race. I have noticed that I find myself attracted to guys of a certain look more often than I am others, but that doesn’t mean im just not attracted to others. And I won’t write anything down to deter anyone that could work out for the better. It would be cool if everyone took each of us at an individual evaluation instead of lumping everyone together in an “unwanted” category without giving them a chance to be impressive.

    Also, serine, you’re the best! Hahahah!! So true!!

    lastly, to reply to something someone above said…it’s been my experience that when someone says “I prefer whites and Latinos” they actually mean “white and Latin only!!!! Dont even try of you’re not!”

  • To have a specific preference on who one would like to bed does not seem to be a problem to me…. HOWEVER, it does seem to be a bit dangerous, to all parties involved, when an individual becomes a slave to a laundry list of physical attributes. A person, with such limitations, is clearly chasing a well developed long term idea of a fantasy person or situation he’s been holding in his head for no telling how long. For you who may get excited because you seem to meet the requirements of this strict list, I recommend that ” YOU RUN LIKE HELL”. This fantasy idea /situation/fuck session/ relationship has nothing to do with any person other than the one who’s having them. This fantasy idea, or fictional person idea- if you will, is totally unattainable by anyone in reality. Majority of the relationships built on this adolescent thinking is sure to be problematic, disappointment, and no where near as satisfying as what a person can find if he only learns to deal with individual people as individual people and not some kind of ” grocery store commodity”! The idea that one can determine who would make a great lover based on the same principles of how one would choose a car or an article of clothing is Rediculous and significantly childish and really tells a great deal about that person— he probably has the emotional maturity of a teaspoon!

    With that said, if you should still feel the need to apply such preschool principles to people you are wanting to bring into your life, THEN LET’S AT LEAST BE HONEST, BE CLEAR, BE CONCISE!!!!! First of all, let’s just face it….. When it comes gay/ bi / whatever the hell you wanna call yourself, in particular, it is indeed a fact that the majority of their friends ( of the same sex ) will be made of a group of people that they wanna fuck, plan to fuck, working on fucking, has or have fucked, and/or currently fucking! When apply your laundry list ( of who you will only bed ) towards people in general and it affects who you can even just befriend, talk to, or just be cordial and respectful to and all other aspects of life that have nothing to do with your bed then, yesssssss…. It is what is…. You are indeed a racist, a agist or whatever way you’ve allowed yourself to discriminate. There is NOWAY to be a polite bigot, or respectful prejudice asshole. ….. Just ain’t Noway! If you are truly not like that and are not wanting wanting to be seen as such, then just be clear about what you want. If you are just looking for some to bed, then say that. If you are just making friends then say that, If you are truly just meeting people to see what kind of chemistry there may be then say that. Choose one road at a time, but don’t blur those very diff forms of social engagment together and naively think you are gonna get anything more Or be seen as anything more…

  • both. prejuduce is still real and many are too ignorant to grow past that. I am actually glad that the prejudice people put it out their as long as they are not slurs or extreme derogatory terms. Because it could become a hate crime of sorts if they were to connect off of the site. So it gives someone a chance to avoid ignorance. But as far as preference goes I am a 31 yr old 6’4″ 220 lbs muscular black male with avg size piece. I like fit guys, and other think im shallow for it, but their are many guys that dont like my dick size. we all like what we like and i think we all need to be open minded to it, for whatever reason we like those things, and be more accepting of those preferences. I tell people simply, ” why would you want to be with someone, who doesn’t want to be with you?”. I honestly think that’s a self esteem issue in that case. Trying to use someone else to make you feel a certain way about yourself. I tell people Im not a prize, if you want one find someone who into playing games. Im not trophy

  • In the context of A4A and describing what you’re looking for and what you like it’s clearly about describing your preference. Stop whining because your ego is hurt when someone doesn’t like your ‘type’.

  • I live in a mainly white suburb near Chicago. A lot of the profiles will say “no blacks” and I immediatlly think RACIST! lol but I do truly understand that people have their preferences but it’s really hard sometimes to not to take offense. Even though I see profiles of guys I’d just like to I just usually move on; I feel like I just respect their wishes…

  • i didnt know that the klan and the black pathers st arted carrying raimbow flags stop being rascist by you listing that its exactly what you are doing being a blunt rascist

  • So, by reading this article the sure is not designed for friendships. You work up to that after having them as fuck buddies. People that are looking for friends may get offended, because good friends come in all races and looks. People looking for sex have those type of preferences.

  • As people have stated, everyone has their preferences, but as someone have stated, why not list the positives and exclude the negatives. If someone hits you up that you are not interested in, just do not reply. If they continue to hit you up after you haven’t replied, just block them. It’s that simple.

    Putting no blacks, no whites, no fats, no fems, no this, no this is extremely offensive and close minded in my book. The best person in the world for you may pass you by because they may fit or may think they fit into one of those categories that you exclude. You just never know. One should keep all their options open.

  • Are we really having the preference or prejudice debate? My sexual preference is men over women… I’m prejudice now? Straight men who don’t return my advances are all prejudice as well?

    We can accept each other’s sexual preference, but preferences based upon race, age and physique are prejudices? There’s something wrong with that…

    Funny no one complained about profiles that say tops only or hung only… If this was a bi sexual site, how many of you that claim that “no this” and “no that” is prejudice, would place a “no women/men only” line in your profile?

  • Preference and prejudice are two sides of the same coin. Both make exclusions to something else. The only difference is, preference has a more positive connotation while prejudice carries a more negative connotation. I have mine just as you all have yours. We always say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so what’s so wrong with trying to find that one variety of fish that stimulates us? And you’re kidding yourself if you think A4A is anything more than a hook-up site. It may advertise itself as a dating site as well, but how many success stories are there?

  • If u are not feeling somebody HELLO BLOCK THEM. that’s what that button is for. BETTER YET JUST IGNORE THEM ALTOGETHER DUH
    . the point is, people make it a point to pull out that race card. They LOOK for opportunities to express their disgust with a certain race. It gives them a cheap racist thrill

  • It’s prejudice when someone gets all offended by it. Saying a guy is tall, or bald, or has blond hair … no one’s going to get offeneded. But if you say he’s black or gay, many people throw down the prejuduce card. Why? You’re just stating a fact. There’s nothing about simply saying a gay guy is gay or a black guy is black that is demeaning in itself. You’re just stating an attribute they have. The prejudice comes when the PC police step in and add prejudice to a situation where there was none.

  • I’m a big believer that sexual attractions are pretty well wired into us. For some, it’s not about looks, for others it is. I’m a queer from the SF Bay Area, and I’ve been out for a long time. Having spent most of my life as a fat guy, I know what it is to be “dissed” by your own people. But when it comes to expressing your sexual desires, I really don’t think it’s discriminatory to say what attracts you. I DO think it’s a matter of “tone.” But the people who are so full of themselves that they write offensively about what they don’t want are people I don’t want to be around anyway. Who needs THAT poison in their lives?!

  • Not prejudice just preference. being an undetectable healthy poz male i face more rejection daily because of that over my skin tone

  • It’s prejudice — hurting at times to see No Asians in a profile. I am an Asian and I like all races – Not for sex but to gain friends. I have preferences but I do not place it in a profile.

  • I’ve always felt its more preference than prejudice. I try to omit my preferences on my ads and just delete those that I’m not interested in because there are times where a guy who isn’t normally my preference is a hottie or just a genuine nice guy. (I’m the rare exception on a4a that uses the site to meet people as friends and network)

    Now I’m curious to know what people think about guys who will flat out discriminate against you once they know your race… I don’t put down my ethnicity because my skin is white, I look white, and I “act” white but I’m Hispanic. Now it has happened to me a lot of times where I will get a message from a guy who’s interested and then we will be chatting and we get to the name/number exchanging and he will read my name and flat out tell me that he’s sorry but he’s not into Hispanic men… Even though nothing else has changed… And surprisingly this has happened a lot to me where I’m at the point of considering to change my name.

  • Hi guys I have a question. Would anyone be intrested in sending me a response to something. My screen name is looking4romance2. The question is. Would you date a person who is blind or visually impaired? What would be your reasons for dating or not dating someone with an impairment. I am looking for honest response, becuase I’d like to get the opinion from the gay sighted world here. Thank you Jason.

  • Well now, I prefer white or Latinos but that does not mean i would not have sex or pass up a black guy or and Asian because I have pick and asian and/or black guy over a white or latin guy. it’s about a look. But to blatantly say thing like “NO BLACKS” for example i find it offensive. Why not say something like i prefer a younger White guy between the ages of… or I am not sexually attracted to black guys or better yet just have some decency to not say anything at all and when that guy hits on you just politely say ‘thanks but You are not my type but i do appreciate the offer” that may or may not leave you to think well maybe I am this or am at that and not just he might be racist because he says he’s not into black guys or white guys… but to make a statement “not into black guys”, leaves me to believe that you don’t like them sexually and/or you don’t associate with black guys or otherwise… Always remember it’s how you say it. here again are two ways; 1.NO Blacks or Not into black guys and 2. Not into black guys sexually or Attracted too White guys but anyone can be friends . Now which statement would you prefer? The first statement implies racial overtones whereas the second implies a preference and not a racial I don’t like… I am black and I prefer white guys and Latinos. Where I live, here in Charleston, S.C. a lot of white guys won’t even respond to me delete, or say ugly things like not into blacks so I offer friendship and they say no thanks. but when I go out to the club, they are in there groups never to include someone of a different race and if they do, they are pretty close to being close to there race. I really believe that A4A should update the site to where you can select what exactly you are looking for “which they have” but it should be where no one else i.e. the guys that you are looking for can’t see you or respond to you and A4A screens our pics before posting I think they should screen the actual words in people profile and suggest that they say this way and not that way i.e. NO blacks vs not attracted to black men sexually.

  • As being a Mixed Male, Cuban and Black, I look more Black than Latino. I have all the attributes of a Latino including speaking Spanish and having tan skin. My only thing about being online is that when people say No Black, No Asian, it upsets me than out of all the people in the world, they won’t find “ONE” Black or Asian attractive. There are over 8 billion people in the world, and these guys online won’t find not “ONE” Black Male or Asian Male Attractive. The same goes for Black Men or Asian Men that state no Black or no Whites Etc. It’s a social conditioning that we have to worry about. I’m more attractive to a guy that’s intellectual and likes excitement. I won’t turn away any guy that I can have a intellectual conservation with. It’s just online when people say No Black or No Asian or No White, how do you turn away a whole entire group of people based on one characteristic which is their outward appearance. Not every person in the world is the same, how do one even know they won’t get along with them?

  • How can it be offensive if you are just stating what you are looking for in the guy you are looking to meet or chat with if other guys see that way I think they should look in the mirror cause all they should see is hate staring back at them.

  • I think there are those who are prejudiced and it is a real expression of bigotry. But it is also, in some cases, an expression of what someone finds sexually attractive. True, less often we see”blacks only” and more often “white only”. I am one of those who require white, under 25, not into the scene. This, for me, is purely based on what works sexually. I have close friends of every ethnicity. I find men attractive of any age and race. But on a sex site that can also lead to lifelong buds or partners; I approach with caution. I seek what turns me on and the type of guy I think will be a good match given the way the conversation is. I think this is sensitive because there are true elements of bigotry but perhaps what we could all understand is some basic decorum and courtesy. Rather than attack blacks, Asians, or others ask for what you want ( white only in my case). I think everyone approaches the site with some skepticism. Much if it grounded in a reality that many are assholes but I do feel if we met while riding the bus we would be more accepting. In some cases, this is how people really are and you wouldn’t want to spend time w em anyways. So at the very least demand courtesy but expect that until you meet face to face and they get to jo

  • Everybody needs to “TASTE THE RAINBOW”!!! hahahahah LOL.

  • Correction: Well I should actually say, ‘Don’t be afraid’ to “TASTE THE RAINBOW!!!”

  • Stfu about being prejudice! There’s a massive difference between prejudice, racism and preference. I like chicken but don’t like turkey. So I guess that means I’m prejudice against turkey? Uh, no its something I don’t find appealing. I prefer white guys and Latino guys and don’t find black guys attractive in a sexual sense. This doesn’t mean I don’t have friends who are black and don’t socialize with black guys. For those that say “you should be attracted to their personality, not skin color” um attraction goes a LONG way past personality .I’m attracted to white guys but if they have a messed up personality then I’m not attracted to them. Same for skin color. You can be a black guy with the best personality ever but I won’t be attracted to you. I prefer Pepsi over coke, 7up over sprite. Attraction is attraction period. It’s when negative connotations come about opposite races that it becomes an issue. Me saying I like white masculine top guys who are hung doesn’t mean I wish black feminine bottom guys should all die. If anything that’s like saying “oh you’re gay? That means you’re prejudice against women!” What about white guys who love black guys and that’s all they hookup with? Are they prejudice against their own race? Swear some people are fools. Just because other races don’t find you attractive that you find attractive and they keep shutting you down doesn’t mean they’re racist or prejudice. Like apple jacks, we eat what we like.

  • love to have a black stud all in me so i make it clear when a guy touches base that i like all black guys or white dudes total bottom here so if ever in trinidad we can play

  • Well, you hardly ever see into black men. Mostly it’s no Asians or blacks. Most races view having sex or dating with black men is such a taboo or a social step back! And most black and Latino men feel that dating a white guy is a pat on the back!

  • Marc, to your response this is not a white centered society. Black people have just as much of a chance as a white person if not more. Some chose to rise above and some chose to live just plain ghetto and sit and sell drugs and such. So before you start saying it’s a whte mans world you better have your facts straight. We all like what we like and that is the bottom line. There is such thing as reverse discrimination. So I really think your statement is a crock of Sh@@ so get off the pitty party wagon and face the the true facts.

  • It basically stems down to the fact that this is an internet personals. And of course whites will have it better than other races because the media desexualises men of color. So, the standard of beauty will always be a muscular white male. This just translates into sites like these.

    No. A white male will never know how it feels to be rejected.
    Yes. Most white males probably are oblivious to the realities of preferences and how they say things can hurt.
    Yes. The media is controlled by “mostly” white men, as long as they hold capital of the media, why would they want to share their sexualisation with other races?
    BUT no, I don’t think all white males in general are all highly preferential /prejudiced.

    My bf is white. While I don’t particularly go out of my way for white men (actually I love latino and asian men) he is the love of my life and he doesn’t have a racist bone in his body.

  • I just want to say it’s how you state things which makes the difference. I am HIV negative and test regularly but I don’t say “NO AIDS guys” in my profile. Out of respect for other people’s feelings. People should think of other people’s feelings because if they were the ones being excluded they would have a problem with it.

  • Preference is prejudice hidden in ignorance. Why list what race or body type you prefer for the sake of putting down someone else’s cup of tea? Personally I find white men to be all so predictable in actions and words, plus they smell like bologny. Black men for the most part are shady and insecure.

  • I enjoy men of all shapes and size. Race has never been a problem. Having said that, I do have my preferences. I have had the pleasure of men from most races. I do enjoy a bigger cock but, a smaller cock is much better for anal. Part of the fun is the looking. Reading the profiles and checking to see who has looked at mine. I would rather the guys on line be honest instead of playing games. It’s the game players that aggravate me.

    Bob

  • Everyone here has at least one valid point but the real issue is most guys seem to want 11s and they are 6s for whatever reason aka delusional…if u aren’t that way then why should it be held against me because I’m not? The majority of guys want white twinky boys. Idk if this is all their fault though due to what the gay media constantly wants to promote and considering most people aka everyone period regardless of orientation, usually are self aware enough to see how the media really does shape them right or wrong

  • Absolutely asinine! People think that just because they message someone that they deserve a response… These are the same people that wouldn’t have the balls to come up to you at the bar, grocery store, gym, or coffee shop. This website is not a dating site. It is not Match.com. How many of us have women hitting on us telling us we only need to meet the right girl? Am I sexist because I don’t want to fuck her? Is my dick phobic because it refuses to get hard? What bullshit drama does a guy need to go through to say what honestly turns him on and what doesn’t? Do pansy asses queens need to be pacified at every corner? I refuse to apologize for not being attracted to people who clearly to do not care about themselves. Do I have to fuck poz guys to prove I support the fight against AIDS? Do I have to get fucked by tops to prove im friendly even though I never bottom?
    Im tired of dumb assed pansies complaining because the hot guy won’t talk to them on a sex site! Grow a pair and move on! If you can’t handle rejection, form a website for the rejected so y’all can commiserate about your sorry lives together.
    Personally, im a 35y/o, 6’4″, 235lbs, hairy, muscled contractor who likes smooth, trim, lean, taller, younger, lil fem eager bottom boy’s… I never get muscle studs getting offended that I don’t want to fuck them! If you are a guy that needs to bitch about anything on this site… Id love to hear about it… Fortunately there no limit to the block feature on here.

  • Obviously people have a RIGHT to be sexually attracted to whomever they desire. The way how sexual racism becomes a problem is when people are rude about it. But to be honest, I can say that when I am on Adam4Adam the number of white guys hitting on me is more than the black guys. I have always found this ODD. I wonder why? My issue is a bit different I don’t care if someone of particular race isn’t someone else’s type. What I have learned as an adult is there is always SOMEBODY out there for SOMEONE.

  • There’s a difference between stating preference and being a prick. I think it’s more an issue of ettiquette/common courtesy. I mean why say no blacks, Asians, Hispanics rather than “I prefer other white guys or other black guys?” Why say no fats or fems rather than “I like in-shape masculine guys?”

    As a black man in pretty decent shape it seems a bit racist to say No Blacks but ur open to every other ethnicity. I always wonder about guys like that bc it seems to me that gay & racist shouldn’t go together but it does.

    I think we should all strive to treat each other with courtesy & respect.

  • I would have to say there is a lot of ignorance and bias on the A4A site.

    There is nothing wrong with sexual preference, however I have seen racism, classism, and agism on a scale that makes me sick! I met a guy once who would not date me or have sex because I wore the “wrong” brand of clothing. I have also had a few guys tell me I should have physical harm come to me because they did not like the way I looked.

    I see all the time ads that say no one over 30, no blacks, or that you must be straight acting. Diversity is a great thing and I love my men in every shape, flavor, and color! It really saddens me that many Gay people have become as narrow minded as the bigots who want to see us all burning in hell.

  • Boo Fucking Hoo. I am not an Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action fuckbud.

    We all have our preferences. If someone isn’t into you, your race, your dick size, your shape, etc., then move on. EVERYONE is not into EVERYONE.

    Stop being such politically correct queens.

  • On an individual basis, some people are prejudice and others are just expressing their preferences. However, the wording is very pivotal regarding preferences. It seems these guys spend more time writing about what they don’t want over expressing the qualities of what they are seeking, rather it’s just sex or friendship. No offense to anyone, but most of the harshest language comes from white guys in their 20s and early 30s. A good percentage of this group (specifically in certain geographic locations in the U.S., San Diego being a good example) are unnecessarily rude in their profiles to older men (30 being old these days), black men, chubby/fat guys, and guys whom THEY consider unattractive. When I travel, I naturally log on to A4A and find that there is a difference geographically on how guys express their preference. When I visit the southern states, the Midwest, D.C., and European countries, I noticed more black and non-black men are seeking black guys, but was not rude to others about it in their profiles. “Mostly into blacks”, “Prefer black guys”, etc…but I did notice a few profiles that bluntly stated, “Blacks only”. I see a lot more of “Whites only” on the east and west coast.

    People are people, rather gay or straight. This generation seems more arrogant and very narcissistic compared to generations before it. I’m in my 40s and don’t even bother looking at profiles that have nasty and rude comments in it about others, especially those who put a bunch of BS in their profiles and apparently never get laid. I definitely have my preferences, and no I don’t reply back to everyone that sends me a message, but I don’t say harsh or hurtful things to them or block them just because they may be too old, or too fat, or not attractive enough. When it comes down to it, stop being hateful, angry, and judgmental. When I don’t reply back and the individual sends another message, yes, I may say my peace, and then block him if it gets out of hand. Simply, move on. Just because you don’t like a particular type, doesn’t mean you have to be particularly nasty to them.

  • I am attracted to people that I’m attracted to. Your liberal use of the word “racism” and attempts at making me feel guilty aren’t going to change that. I would think most people have been attracted to someone that isn’t attracted to them. I know I have.

    Get over it. Does it hurt sometimes? Yes. There’s nothing you can do about it except move on. You really think someone should fuck you and feel bad about themselves just so you can feel good about yourself? That kind of sounds like rape except without the violence, doesn’t it?

  • It’s a double-edged sword, that’s for sure.

    To those who think it’s NOT prejudice: wait till something similar happens to you, and it doesn’t even happen to be sexual.

    To those who think it IS prejudice: come on, don’t tell me you will sleep with people at random.

  • I wish someone could address with a 200 lines paragraph the issue I bought in my comment. I feel that as a real common behavior to question. Everyone is already saying the same thing over and over: PREFERENCE. LOL

  • When on this site it is perfectly ok to state bluntly what u want. Im just not in to black guys so why would i spend my time messing with someone im not in to? Im not going to apologize for my preference and quite frankly i could care less if ur black and you hate me, ur not who im looking for.

  • a4a is a good site……….just state what u want, recieve and go have fun………………..lol

  • we like who we like for whatever reason…don’t see a problem and never necessary to take personally….something for everyone…great site.

  • Its freaking NORMAL!!! Its no predujuice or anything!!! Even straight people have who they are attracted to sexually.. Not into whites/black doesnt mean you are a racist, its just that you dont want sxex with them. sOME People like old men, some thing is being disguist by it.. Life continues.. There are over million of profiles.. Pls why on earth wil a 130pounds 60yrs BTM old be writing a 65kg 21yr old dude.. Like really??? Everyone have taste! You go with whateva you like. everone have freedom of CHOICE!

  • I was very interested to see this discussion raised on this website, but was hesitant to say anything. Maybe it is becaues I have lived in the midwest where the preference of most men (even other black men) is white, jocular males, but I have come across more profiles that say “whites only” or “no blacks, sorry” than I have ever known what to do with. While A4A is predominantly marketed as a sex site, the author of this piece brought out that friends are often made on A4A too, and this couldn’t be truer in a small town or by a military base (I’m an officer in the Army) where the only way to meet people you have common interets with may be A4A. That’s when I feel like scrolling through page after page where the guys you would be interested in meeting/getting to know/hooking up with reject you for the one thing you can’t change borders on prejudice,but it’s the overall effect, not just one person’s page. Just like having a picture, everyone has their likes and dislikes, but I sometimes wish people wouldn’t be so quick to negate possibilities that could be worth their time simply based on the hue of my epidermis!

  • I think everyone needs to get over the prejudice bullshit… it’s exactly what it is, a preference. Personally I don’t find black men or asian men physically attractive. That doesn’t mean that I will not have a conversation with a black man, nor does it mean that I cannot be friends with an Asian man. it simply means that I will not get into bed with either one. I am not attracted to dark skin, so that eliminates certain latin men too.

    Choosing who you will sleep with is the exact same as choosing who you will associate with. Personally, I will not associate with someone who is “ghetto” regardless of race. They could be the greatest person, but if they cannot or refuse to form a cohesive grammatically correct sentence I want nothing to do with them. For example, I work in the ghetto right now, and 90% of the people who walk into that store ask the question “how much dat is?” all I want to do is give grammar lessons.

    For everyone who is wanting to call me racist for this, I see all genders and all races all day and like I said 90% of the people I see during the day are like this, and I wouldn’t sleep with them even if they were gay. That is my personal preference, and yes I am prejudicial about it, but it is what I want not what is or isn’t socially acceptable. It is my choice people fought for the right to choose an interracial relationship. I’m not opposed to the idea, it isn’t for me.

    The only part I could see as a problem is the phrasing of the choice. I personally haven’t seen “no blacks or asians” but I’ve seen, “I’m not attracted to black or asian men” and I don’t think the black or asian men have any reason to be upset, especially if it is written on the profile but they choose to send a message anyway.

  • I think the race issue is not so much focused at individuals as it is at predominant gay culture overall (at least in the midwest; I can’t speak for places I haven’t been too). One person’s profile doesn’t end the game, but the overall theme of some cities/states rooms can be rather hurtful.

    Having said that:

    I’m not attracted to black men

    I’m attracted to tall white men

    If you’re a black man, either way you read that statement is going to make you feel like the odd man out

    The difference for weight is that the person involved could change that if they wanted too. If you’re overweight and you are unhappy being such, you can do something about it. I did… there are pictures of me from college in which I barely recognize myself. Don’t misundestand me; I’m not saying you should have too, but I am saying lumping those things together marginalizes the difference of the color discussion.

  • “No fats, no fems, no Asians” – This is so common and so blatantly racist.

  • What I do is if someone that i dont find attractive hit me up…I just wont respond. I do state that I do date interracially so a gentleman may feel free to msg me. I honestly think that racism will be a problem and I hope that the gay communities are ready to backtrack because as far as im concern If we can solve racism within are community…..they wont be gay marriage. The discriminated is practicing bigotry! If someone hits u up just ignore dont show that u own a pink hood! I have yet to see a pink panther party pumpin fist! Its like individual prides! Thats a waste of time and money. Pride and black pride…….

  • It’s never bothered me because someone doesn’t like my type. It doesn’t bother me when someone flat out says a rude comment about my type. They probably aren’t aware their doing it, and if their young then i just pass them by. The time you invest in disliking someone and trying to figure out why they don’t like you, you can be missing a new guy in your life.

    Negativity begets negativity. Just go about your business and those that contact you and aren’t your type just say thank you. You don’t have to be a dick about it. If you clearly state what kind of guy you want to be romantically linked to, if even for 30 minutes, in your profile and people are messaging you then just be friends to them. You know your not attracted to them, so don’t worry.

  • I’m Native American/Latino mix (my friends jokingly call me their Aztec buddy). I am not sexually attracted to overweight bald old hairy white guys…but I’m not going to say that in my profile. Instead, I’ll say what I am looking for…which is a masculine white or latino guy around my age or younger.

    It certainly does help when a profile states, “no reply if you’re latino”. It saves a lot of hassle in showing me how shallow a person can be before I expend the energy in saying hello.

    There are a lot of profiles out there that state what a person doesn’t like. It makes you wonder what that person does like. But it also gives you insight to what type of person wrote the profile, and whether or not they’d be fun to meet in the first place.

    It doesn’t matter whether the person is hot-looking or not, you know? Very often, the beautiful can become ugly. And vice-versa. ;)

  • I am not interested in women…I am not a sexist…I have tons of women that I love, enjoy, and want to be around. I would be miserable in a world and life without them.

    I am simply uninterested in having sex with any of them.. Yes, some of them get offended by that fact. I am no more interested in women, simply by virtue of their woman-ness (totally uninterested) than I am interested in certain men for various reasons, and that interest is not going to change or develop because of a debate about the subject.

    I still love these categories of men, enjoy being around them, and would be miserable in a world and life without them.

    I am simply uninterested in having sex with some of them.

    You can’t please all of the people, all of the time, even though you can please some of the people, some of the time. I just like to be the one determining whom I please…and am pleased by.

  • I meant to say that I am not interested in women, sexually…everything else stands as is…..

  • Everyone is on here looking for something sexual or not, doesn’t matter. Maybe if we all open our minds and try something new, we might find what we have been seaching for. I know I did and found a great guy who I never expected.

    I will tell you this though, I’d rather get the warning that you don’t like something about me, before rather then later. Just saying…..

  • Personally, I prefer knowing if someone is racist, sexist, ageist, classist, body fascist, or self-loathing before I waste my time talking to them, so please, all douchebags, put that shit on your profiles and save the rest of us the effort, mkay?

  • I think its prejudiced but I won’t knock it. What I would love to see is this level of prejudice included in the adam for adam profile criteria. For example if you aren’t into someone of a particular race could it be possible to block them from seeing your profile and vice versa. This way the user doesn’t have to click on members online and have to filter through profiles of a category of people they find unattractive. Likewise, if another user is in one of those categories, they don’t have to see another profile that says no blacks, asians, or fem. I think gay.com actuall asks the fem question. And OK cupid has a setting that allows you to exclude straight people from seeing your profile and likewise blocks and straight people from showing up in any of your searches. The old school yahoo personals sight asked you to check off what race/ethnicity you were into.

    I am a black man and talking to a someone who just doesn’t dig black men is just as useless as talking to a straight guy. Yet on other sites once I specify that I am a msm my user experience changes to exclude women.

    Designing an experience of this kind I think would force us to answer a question that is important but seems to be uncomfortable. I still thinks its prejudice but I also would love it if people wore their prejudices on their sleeves so I can walk the other way.

    Its one thing to place an ad that say no blacks, whites, asians, fats and fem. Its another to place an ad and assume that everyone who will respond will look like you and have to tell someone in an pvt msg they don’t fit your race checkboxes. I don’t even fault the user. I fault the dating website industry for not recognizing this is a huge factor in dating and we are not post racial, post feminist, etc. And the boxes go beyond skin color when you consider height, body type, etc.

    The users would have a much more limited experience but I seem to think that people who have such prejudices are ok with that. On the flipside, would you want someone in your search results that would have enabled this feature and clearly doesnt want you?

    Doint this would take some courage from the websites. I think if they did it the pioneers would be labeled as racist. But the status quo as it is is broken.

  • People keep saying “It’s a preference”, but isn’t it also a “Preference” when someone would “prefer” to hire a White person for a job?

    When people state a race “preference” on Adam4Adam, the vast majority of the time, it is usually done in a way that marginalizes the Black race, either directly, or indirectly.

    Stating what you “do” like, when it comes to race, is definitely a more positive approach, but still only euphemistic.

    At the end of the day, people should be entitled to share their feelings with others, without someone saying that they are “whining”, because whining about people’s ‘whining’, is hypocritical.)

    The rainbow is a symbol embraced by the Gay Community.

    Why not be open to “taste the rainbow” :-)

  • To me
    It’s just preference ,we all have that in common ,I respect everyones profile

  • We can’t always control the thoughts that come into our heads, but we can control what we say and what we type in our profiles. Profiles with discriminating statements in them? It is like signs hanging on the front door saying: “NO BLACKS OR CHINESE ALLOWED.”

    Preference is one thing, racism is another. If you have hundreds of guys contacting you from a race that you aren’t attracted to, simply don’t respond, or tell them no thank you. It is painful to some people to endure disparaging remarks about their culture. It is just like the signs for water fountains that used to say say Whites Only.

    Get some sensitivity.

  • I don’t think that when someone puts that they aren’t into fem, black, white, asian, mexican, etc. etc., means that they are racist, or prejudice. The fact lies that people have sexual attractions that honestly not everyone is going to meet. I honestly am not sexually attracted to specifications, but I am no way racist or prejudice. I have friends of every race, color, creed, orientation, nationality, ethnicity, etc. that just because I am not sexually attracted to, lets say, black men, doesn’t mean that I won’t be friends with that person. It’s just like telling a gay male that we are prejudice of women because we don’t like vagina.

  • Why are we even entertaining a conversation where some people are advocating a kind-of censorship on a gay hookup site where cock and ass shots are everywhere..? This is not a politically correct venue. Let’s not try to put lipstick on a pig.

  • The object of rejection will always feel discriminated against. Men are visual and most have “clicked” on a pic we are attracted to only to find we don’t meet their list. Disappointment, indeed. BUT, I believe in 100% honesty and NOT wasting time and resources on someone who is NOT interested, for whatever reason(Race,body type, bottom/top, age,etc).Rejection, due to ones “preference”, may be disapointing, but I know not to waste my time or theirs for that matter. This issue is no different than a “bottom” not desiring another bottom or vice verse. Why not state that(and most do)up front and save the back and forth mail or giving “hope” when you know you are NOT attracted to them? Not stating those “preferences” leads to wasted time for both parties. Just my opinion.

  • At the end of the day we all have prejudices, because as humans we are all shallow and judge. It is what it is. What bothers me is the overall hypocrisy that I witness online with men in general. I think that people should only ask for characteristics they have within themselves. So If you’re old and prefer only twinks, or if you’re fat as all outdoors and only desire muscular builds, or look like a troll but demand that only VGL men hit you up or you exclusively date outside of your own race, you’re setting yourself up for a well-deserved failure. :-)

  • Let me pose this question and i’d like to see some what you guy’s think of this, why is it when a White or Latino guy becomes “HIV Positive”, then all of a sudden he’s “open to all races” or “prefer Blacks”, when in the past and was “Negative” turned down black guys? Has anyone ever noticed this trend?

    Makes you say “hmmm”

  • of course ‘preferences’ stated in the “NO BLACKS”… “No chinks”… “No Mexicans”.. vein of thought is offensive for some.

    I don’t really care. As a black person, I know my history. As a result of America’s ugly history with racism, I wouldn’t be caught dead sleeping with someone white. I can admit it. Sound bad? Who cares. I know there are 400k+ whites who feel the same way. Try this: Tough Skin meets self-love

  • Oh and regarding the racial “preferences”: YES, WE ALL ARE RACIST to a degree and the majority of people would prefer to mate with their own kind.

    What cracks me up is when a black man (who exclusivy chases after white boys) get upset that the profiles he’s looking at says “No blacks” or “Whites only”. That white guys isn’t wrong for having his preference, because at the end of the day, YOU’RE BOTHING LOOKING FOR THE SAME THING. lol… unfortunately, you are getting the backlash of your own self loathing of what your truly are: BLACK…. LOL

    and I’m black BTW….

  • Most people use the word preference to hide their prejudice. FYI, preference is liking something specific but willing to try something else if that isn’t available. On A4A, I’m happy to see those who vent their prejudice and let the world truly know them. Saying hello to a person would not impose on your life. If people demostrated Character, Compassion, and Consideration and realized the foot print we leave on others. This will be the Karma journey.

  • Preference or Prejudice. I actually think it’s bit of both. We allow marketing to dictate ‘who or what is hot or not. We all whats perceived as HOT and so we become prejudiced against whats not. I juut wish we’d all be a bit nicer to each other on here. Don’t we get enough hatred from everyone else.

  • This is a moronic argument. To suggest that having a sexual preference is prejudicial then it is also sexist to not want to stick your face in a pussy. How dare we gay men discriminate against vaginal sex!

    On the other hand, some profiles have statements like “[fill-in-the-group] are [fill-in-the-insult]” or “I hate [fill-in-the-group].” Those *are* really shitty and no one would try to defend them.

  • So because people’s ego are hurt, I have to now entertain someone whom I know Im not sexually attracted to just for the sake of not being prejudice? Give me a break. My best friend is Black, in fact most of my friends are black. However, I personally do not prefer black men for sex. Why would I waste your time (or more importantly mine) by not posting my preferences on my site. Furthermore, wouldnt you like to avoid the statement “sorry, your not my type”. I know I would. Some people just need to hop off the race wagon and realize that people have tastes and preferences. And btw, I find plenty of “black and hung step right up” profiles. Just saying.

  • I pretty bluntly state in my profile what I’m looking for and what I’m into. Do I care if someone is offended by that? Not at all. Too many people seem to think that just because you like to have sex with men that means you have to like having sex with any kind of man. That’s total BS. I know what gets me hard and what doesn’t. Nothing pisses me off more than someone who calls me a racist because I tell them “sorry, not into black guys” or “sorry, not really into Latino men.” I’m friends with every conceivable race, but white guys are what gets me hard. That offend you? Too bad.

  • I never met a HARD COCK I didn’t like!

  • If you say your looking for friends, networking and simply ignore a certain race, weight, or age your predigest. Stop trying to kid yourselves. I typically like mixed, Hispanic and white twinks or jocks. I get hundreds of messages every few days from all shapes and colors and I have no problem responding to every decent message.

    With that said if you message a person that suggests on their profile they are racist, you can’t be surprised they don’t respond.

  • How much is someone’s socalled preference really the codification of marketing/media racism and patronisation? In other words, you think you have made a individualistic selection but really marketing and societal influences have guided your choicem. Ask yourself this why are the advert here for africans/blacks always with urban thugs themes or bdsm lite scripts? Why are the adverts for whites and latins every thing across the spectrum but never thug life ( even the prison crafted stuff is jail light!). Why are there no adverts for asians or if there is any its twinks all over old white bears! Marketing is directing all our choices of what is acceptable and what is not and then there is economics. Asians seem to think they rise by association with whites. Some latinos and black brothers are also of this mind set were they negate their culture past for the presumption of rainbow inclusion but they never make it since there is no black nor brown strip on the rainbow flag. Most asians prefer whites simply because of fear and recent historical memory for it was whites who brought them genocide war and civilization. Africans had 500 years of it and asians less than 60; hence asians have yet to come to terms with the shock of who brought terror to them and their former way of life and because of this they are still in the fog of white father glorification.
    But the whole construction of preference or prejudice is misleading as it pits people of colour fighting about an inclusion that will nevercome to be ask your white colleagues next time is it more important that I am queer/gay orthat I am african latin or asian if they can only relate or appreciate your queerism then you got a problem

  • If I posted “no women” would that make me a chauvinist?

  • reading these posts,i cant help but to pick my jaw up off of the damn floor because of the people who honestly believe that this is just ‘preference’..what shocks me more is that the black men or men of color are not recognizing it as such&that the white men who take part in it,honestly believe in their bullshit.Everyone has a ‘preference’–but do you hae to state on your profile, ‘no blacks’ as if i am not a human being,or as if i am a black trespassing on your lawn.stating ‘no blacks’ on a profile is the same as ‘no blacks’ on a restaurant door.no difference.it saddens me that within OUR(out of all of them) we are suffering from prejudices,discrimination,and racism.ever thought about why you arent attracted to a ‘black man’..is it really because its just a ‘preference’?..bullshit,wake up america,white supremacy still lives and is plaguing our community with hate..

  • I think there is too much of a focus on the rejection aspect- we’re ALSO talking about PREFERENCES based on or against people’s race, &/or other physical attributes, over which they have little or no control. So it’s not just people ‘whining’ about rejection- some of us cynically laugh at the supposed flattery of being told how atrractive we are because of the race we were born into through no design or control of ours. Even so, we have to accept that people on both sides (pro & anti) don’t appreciate these perspectives- & that is why I THINK it’s good to have discussions. I also THINK it’s not good to dismiss discussion as a ‘whinge fest’….the more you know, the smarter you can be.

    For what it’s worth, ‘minority’ groups are a contextual category that historically makes the subject of their classification a very sensitive issue. If you have a legacy of racial discrimination, whether someone’s attracted or unattracted by you based on race is uncomfortable…we’re all trying to get beyond the past, you see; where we’re all just seen as PEOPLE.

    For my part, I’m wary of both pro & anti racial slurs…& sadly, I’ve found my misgivings to be often justified. Reason is, as I’ve just read here & now understand, this is a shag site- first & foremost. So it’s about commodifying ourselves. That’s why we have such little regard for courtesy….I mean, just because you have the right to do something, does that mean that you can’t have due regard for anyone’s feelings? Apparently not…given the nature of A4A.

    I have no problem dealing with attention from people that I’m not attracted to. I decline in various ways- it’s easy: ignore, delete, block…or if I have the time, I say ‘no thanks’. My stipulations on my profile are about character traits: what people make of themselves- things they do have control of. Of course I have physical preferences- very much so. I don’t feel the need to indulge my ego at thr expense of others though- wading through the undesired is just a part of the experience here. That’s just me though….

    I would suggest that we’re not generating any sense of community here with this present behaviour: instead, we’re promoting, advocating & committing acts of segregation all over again; be it pro/anti black, white, asian, fat, ‘fem’, old etc. No one’s telling anyone that they ‘have to’ anything, & there’s no need to feel so self-important as to berate anyone for ‘whining’ when they’re discussing an issue. I get a lot of attention here. It seems that this site prefers black men & it predominantly composed of it. I’m not attracted to many here, yes for some physical reasons but mainly because of their attitude & the prevailing mentality here, which shows little respect for themselves & by extension, for others. I’m not attracted to a man with little self-respect. Yet, I’m humbled my every message that I get, even though the majority put me off, just because the world is full of hate & people don’t realise how valuable it is to be the subject of someone’s desire, even when they’re not your type at all. So take it from a ‘victor’s’ perspective, if you will: I get lots of messages. So I’m not ‘whining’ about rejection. I’m putting forward my view in a discussion that concerns us ALL. & I think that we lack enough concern for each other. No need to be so light-headed & overwhelmed by a little attention that we start forgetting courtesy & dismiss people’s hurt as ‘whining’.

    Maybe if A4A started trying to promote more of a sense of self-worth than the sexual commodification sweeping the site, there’d be less of a racial (& other) slur to the use of this site. Maybe then people would realise that this is about PEOPLE, not ‘x cock’ or ‘y hole’ (where x, y = any racial, ageist or other featural variable). Perhaps put in more effective filters that allow people to discreetly select the ‘categories’ that can see & contact them as we clearly have a way to go yet in this expansionist era.

  • While I realize, people like what they do, my biggest concern is the lack of respect and courtesy in the gay community. I like to pay compliments to folks. But, have been blocked just for looking at a profile (which I find funny), yes, I’m older and was raised to be polite to people so therefore I respond to people that message me, even if it’s to say, sorry, not my type, but, to be ignored or insulted or (my favorite) people looking to see who sent the message before reading it) is rude. We DEMAND our equal rights, but, fail to give these same said rights to people in our own community, what is wrong with this picture

  • I have spent my time talking about how racist the gay culture is. We are ridden with images in porn that generally depicts white toned guys having sex with one another. Seldom do you see interracial couples fornicating. If you wanted to see a black man having sex you have to search. We have our own category at times which doesn’t make sense to me. I agree that the media plays a hand in this. Most white men are attracted to what they see and they see other white men. As a black man who has been on this site for a while i will say i have a tendency to tell people that i don’t like over weight dudes and my profile may say i don’t like guys over 35 but that isn’t actually the case that is a filter for weird older guys who attempt to pay me for sex.. The fact that white men honestly believe that telling me they aren’t interested simply because i am black isn’t racist astounds me. Really if i said i don’t want you to be my teacher because you are white then all hell would break loose. I don’t discriminate when it comes to men by race or gender or creed. I don’t get mad if you are older and honestly if u have a few extra pounds i wont freak out but i have to be attracted to you. I have to be attracted to the person and not their body. The one thing i hate about gay culture is how quick we are to judge one another. Has it ever crossed our minds that we are judging each other with un realistic characteristics that only 10% of the population actually fits into. It is bad enough that i get starred at for being black and the one place i thought i wouldn’t be was here on this site and anywhere else where my fellow gay men where but i soon found out that wasn’t the case. How can i like our culture when you all dislike Black people so much.. I want to enjoy life and love and sex as much as the next guy. I don’t want to to go to your profile and feel like i went back in time where there were signs that say just like your profile states “NO Blacks”. What we are taught in Diversity is that white people don’t realize the impact that their words have and are even more oblivious to the fact that its racist to say no blacks as a preference. There is a fine line between preference and down right hate. I was in charge of a pride youth group with kids of all back grounds and it was really sad to see them realize that our culture will judge them more than regular society. It was hard to tell a kid who was slightly over weight that gay men will treat him like he is huge when in reality he isn’t. It was hard to tell a young black gay man that no matter where he is or what he is doing gay or straight people will only see his skin color first and honestly that is what all white people see first gay and straight alike that we are black and nothing more..

  • I don’t find it offensive when someone states their preferences because they’re just telling you what it is that they like and are looking for. What bothers me is when someone reads a profile and tells you that you wouldn’t be a match. They’re basing this on a few short sentences that can’t possibly tell them who you really are or what you’re about. Most people write a quick profile,not even knowing what to say about themself, as a spur of the moment description based on what they may think other people want to hear. Usually it’s no reflection as to who they really are.

  • I saw an add whose profile heading stated ” Asians are fuggly. ” I’m not Asian but I found it offensive. It would of been better it read no Asian. It seems it’s ok to exclude people until the excluder becomes the excluded.

  • Its not prejudice, everyone just needs to grow their balls back. The fact that someone says “no blacks” doesnt mean their racist. Thats equivalent to saying were all sexist with the unspoken “no girls”. It is nothing but a preference.

  • While some people could def be a little more tactful, I’m not going to try and persuade anyone to change their minds to like me either. Some people are perfectly fine being a bigot & it just makes it much easier for me not to associate with them. The whole “no blacks, whites, asains, latinos, etc” is kinda gross to read & makes me wonder about one’s mindset. However, as a person of mixed race it is unsettling when people make “exceptions” for me despite stating otherwise on their profile – I make it known that I’m still not interested. I recently had someone respond to my message with “white, hispanic, asain only” – this was after he viewed my profile & without deleting the trace. I had only asked a question out of curiosity about his bizarre bdsm profile and I wasn’t interested in him physically. I was more offended that this person thought I found him attractive – than I was by his rude reply LOL. Plus he had the nerve to call me a troll when he was trolling profiles in other cities hundreds of miles away. He blocked me so I couldn’t respond grrr. His profile is ________ if you’re curious. :)

  • Guys honestly,we kick and screen because we want equal rights as straight people who get married and want to be socially accepted, but yet we can’t treat our own with respect. Even if you are not attracted to someone sexually, why be a prick and ignore someone or go out of your way to be rude to them. It may suprise you by striking up a conversation what you will learn about people. HEll you might have things in common as friends, even later things my move past a friendship. I am visually impaired and I have a hard time in the gay community. You assume talking to me is opening you up to catch my eye disorder or consider me so disabled that you have to be a nurse maid to me. When the matter is I can do anything with a limit. I think the worst thing a guy would have to do for me is give me a sight guide or read small printed material to me. I have a guide dog and I’m very independent. SO guys lets embrase everyone and accept each other as an equal. We as a community have come such a long way lets take the journey together.

  • One other point since nameless flushed it out. Ask yourselves who are the white male gay 0.75 percent that pushes the marriage agenda over the eliminating racism/patronisation in the so called community agenda? Who owns and profits from all these cyber boards on the net and whose agenda do? Never think that you are0 immune from white supremacy under the aegis of rainbow inclusion for their was a time when I as an african was asked for three pieces of picture I’d to enter a bar on castro with my then running pack of 2 whites 2 latins 1 asian and 2 lezzie sisters
    Can’t have marriage equality to give tax breaks for some while denying the existence of racism within affecting all should the agenda being pushed. The folks wanting marriage equally are just protecting their 0.75 percent queer wealth status. Ask tim cook next time you see him what’s more important to him I bet it aint race equality as much as economic

    So is it preference to date someone with a job or bank or is it prejudice? Whose yo daddy and what kinda suga is in da jar? You want cane from the stalk or refine white crystal in yo bowl you want brown in packets or molasses with all those good minerals and vitamins? How you like yo suga may say a lot about you :)

  • Ruling out certain ethnicities on the A4A profiles is a prejudice. The “no blacks” demand harks back to the pre-Civil Rights era when the black exclusion was not just sexual, it infected every social area. Yet it’s silently accepted that in the alleged gay “community” WASPs claim their rights to be racially reactionary while still demanding to be social accepted by the hetero masses.

    The B.S. is when a WASP gay man rejects all blacks and then writes, “Sorry.” But he’s NOT sorry in the least. Of course, this rejection is based on the often false assumption that, simply by virtue of being white, a white man is desirable. The fact is most white gay men are not that interesting to anyone but themselves.

    Being excluded as “undesirable” because one is black is just as bad as being desired becuase one is black; it’s objectification. If I had to choose, I suppose I’d rather a racist “out” himself so I would know not to waste time on him. The more insidious types are those who fetishize black men, because we are still treated only as a sexual plaything, not a fully actualized human being.

    I note, though, that in the “no this or that” that Mexicans seem to be the all-round crowd pleaser. I’ve yet to see an A4A profile that requests “no Latinos… just my preference.”

  • I have to add in some cases they don’t realize I am part black for whatever reason… Once they do I have gotten comments that include but not limited to “I don’t do black , bye” or “I just realized your sub human” . Being part white I get this feeling that I can’t even describe.

    Again If he is looking for sex, relationships, dates, casual sex I get it.. But if your looking for “friends” or “networking” it’s disgusting.. But I mean at the same time it’s been what ; less than 75 years sense blacks were on a legal playing field.. So what can you really expect from this slave country.

  • It seems that “society” has become so “trigger fingered” these days THAT WE CAN’T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE FOR FEAR OF “OFFENDING” SOMEONE’S RACE, COLOR, CREED, NATIONAL ORIGIN, RELIGION, (gee, am I getting close to the ‘end of the crap’???) GENDER, “PATTERN OF THOUGH PROCESS” (have I neglected ANYBODY out there yet??)

    Even this damned POST has become a “prejudiced name calling opinion poll”………

    When my dick gets hard, then I’m attracted to the guy. IF I DON’T ANNOUNCE WHAT I PREFER IN A SEXUAL PARTNER, HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO CONVEY THE MESSAGE TO GUYS???

    Drop the “race card”, it’s odd to see “who’s REALLY prejudiced” when it comes right down to brass tacks…….

  • I think it’s silly to even post your preferences, because there are always exceptions. It’s not hard to tell someone “I’m sorry, you’re not really my type”. But I’m older than I look, and have seen profiles that say “No one over 30″ And they message me telling me that I’m hot. I’ve actually seen a few that went from that line to “Prefer under 30, but there are exceptions” after they met me. LOL

  • Stating your preference is fine, but being a total bastard to someone that contacts you and doesn’t turn you on isn’t. I have went through the maturing process as I’ve grown older. I’m not the anorexic Eurotrash twink that I once was. I’ve grown to understand that sexual appeal comes in all shapes and sizes and people I know I would have turned away 20 years ago have a lot of sexual magnetism to me now when I recall how they looked. I’m embarrassed at how I used to dicktease and then reject them since it’s now come full circle. I used to mock guys behind their backs about physical shortcomings and most cruelly a few unlucky souls that caught HIV but now that I’m living with it, I can only imagine what those guys put up with. I guess what I’m trying to say is that whatever your age and appearance, don’t count on your body being enough to attract people or keep them around. That is the lesson I’ve learned the hard way. Trust me. If you are a total dick to otherwise nice guys, you’ll regret it by yourself someday.

  • ^^ What David said — there is an implied “No Women” preference/prejudice that pervades this site — also, tops are looking for bottoms — orals are looking for orals, etc — when it comes to masc/fem i am not sure what i am but when i read someone has a preference for “masc” or a prejudice against “femme” then i don’t waste my time hoping that i am “masc enough” for them — way too many fish in this sea — don’t compromise — know what you want and go for it.

  • Some people have bad manners. Stating “No Blacks” is in very poor taste. Very. The underlying sexual preference is *not,* however, a prejudice.

    There can be no valid argument here. To say otherwise would be to say that any cock I didn’t let up my ass and every vagina I refused to plunge was to prejudicially discriminate against their gender/color/weight/any-of-hundred-other-characteristics.

    Personally, I love my men to come in rainbow colors. I *do* discriminate when it comes to whom I choose for sex, just not by color, and thats okay too.

    I choose not to state my preferences in my profile because I think it’s classier. If, however, I really came here to find Latina transsexuals over 200lbs because that’s what I want, what I really really want, then maybe I would.

  • If you dont like something, then dont do it, but dont shove your self-righteous viewpoint on everyone else. Dont tell everyone else what to do. You guys bitch and moan about race preference and take it personally and internalize it – you are doing yourselves a disservice.

    I like tall guys. Short guys dont choose to be short anymore than a black guys chooses to be black. Does that make me a bigot because I am attracted to a guy that is taller than me? NO! Im a passive guy sexually, so I like bigger/taller guys who are more dominant. Height is no different from race as far as ones ability to control it.

    Now fat people claiming that they are “born that way” is a bit ridiculous. Yes some people are born with rare diseases that make it virtually impossible to be fit, but sorry no one is born with a diseases that forces big macs and milkshakes down your throat against your will. So spare me the bullshit guys.

    Claiming that race preference is prejudice is ludicrous. I come across plenty of profiles that say “black only” or “twinks only” or what not. Im not offended, I move on. Sure, am I a little disappointed that the hot guy isnt into muscular white guys, of course, but I dont think the white guy is racist against other white guys LOL or wouldnt stick up for me against a gay-basher simply because Im not a twink. Seriously guys get a grip!

    I get a lot of emails from black guys that say “you into black?” – I usually ignore those because the person sending them is ugly as fuck, and they want to use their skin color as a crutch to say “he doesnt like me because Im black and hes racist” – they dont want to take ownership of the fact they never go to a gym or bathe. Im into “hott” – if you are hott and black, then Im into you. But stop using your skin color to claim we are all racist when you look like a fucking hott mess nasty ass mother fucker!! Go to the fucking gym, wash yourself, send a picture of your face not your nasty ungroomed taint… I mean seriously guys!!

    It not my problem you scape goat your race to feel sorry for yourself.

  • I agree with Randy Drake. You normally see whites, and light latinos. many don’t blatantly say “no blacks”, but in essence that’s what they’re saying. Many like to say its not prejudice, but its a reminent of racism. Due to racism, people were excluding and segregated. Most people get their preferences from those who they are surrounded by. Why does a much larger percentage of European White men are attracted to black and latinos, than American White men? Is it a product of segration? I think there are beautiful men of all backgrounds. Personally, i can’t say i’m only attracted to one type. As humans, we are so diverse. that’s the beauty. But i understand, everyone has their “Preference”.

  • Vagina is disgusting to me. I will NOT have sex with a female. Does that make me sexist? NO. Get over this race-bullshit.

  • The truth of the matter is there are stereotypes of all groups, especially Black and white and these stereotypes are used by each to fulfill their individual desire. The most prevelenat stereotype is most blacks have huge dicks and know how to use it. Whites are known for being better and “nicer” freaks who love big dicks and will do what they have to to get what they want. Preferences are not all about race. I have click black profiles and discovered white “only” requests. Disapointed, yes. Angry, no. Racism is STILL very much a part of our society, and that includes the GLBT community. The rejected will always cry foul if they are the object of rejection. This issue should not be of vast concern as there are plenty of people who love interracial sex/relationships.

  • Prejudice

    I am black. I grew up in a white neighborhood. Majority of my friends are white and still are and some of their families are prejudice towards blacks.

    My white friends have sexual prejudices…. not preferences

    for example “I don’t want to be with anyone that’s not white and doesn’t look like me”

    I don’t think that it’s wrong for people to put what they don’t like. I personally don’t do it, but like how others have said the delivery of such statements is the issue.

    It does feel like a slap in the face when you see SO MANY people on here with “NO BLACKS” or whatever on their profile…

    We need to have more respect for eachother because we get so much disrespect from other places. The hate within our own “community” is sickening and seeing those long list of prejudices is a turn-off even if it isn’t directed towards me.

    Now is it really because of the color of my skin? or something deeper.

    I have had guys message me clearly stating they are not interested in blacks because of the HIV/AIDS statistics.

    This is cruel.

  • I’m a white guy. Based on experience, I find I am almost exclusively into black men or mixed men with black heritage. It’s a physical attraction and not about big dicks or a fetshization of “homothug” culture or anything like that. I’m open to exceptions which can happen, but it’s very rare.
    I think it’s ignorance or a prejudice when people think my preference is racist because “there’s beauty in all men”. Why stop with men? I’m not into women either – does that make me sexist?
    It’s true some people bring their prejudices to their sexual preferences and could benefit from opening their eyes more. On the other hand there are those like me who have experimented with open eyes and know what we like. Not accepting that is the same idea as telling gay people we should open our eyes to the joys of sex with women.

  • Its an embarrassment that in the year 2012 guys are still saying stuff like “no blacks asian or latino’s ” and also no fats in their profile…

    This is not the 1960’s and as a gay male i would think since we have overcome alot of discrimination , Gay men would not have this hang up enough to put it out there.

    Yes we all have our “types” but if someone who is not my type says im handsome ,accept it and enjoy the kind words and leave it at that. No need to hate on eachother. One of my favorite Quotes is

    “Hate cannot drive out hate , only love can do that ”

    Martin Luther king Jr

  • While people are entitled to their personal preferences, an open mind is key to everything. How many have “reluctantly” hooked up with someone you weren’t attracted to only to be pleasantly surprised in bed? Or the reverse is also true. Someone attractive outwardly only to look terrible when nude or the sex a disappointment. In the end, we all like what we like and that’s just that.

  • Preference. Black man here. I prefer short (5-8 and under) men. Slim to thick. Not fat. I prefer other black men. Prefernce. taste and smell turns me trhe fuck on. Dark lation men are cool too. Same parameters. Not racial, prefernce. Why are we askin this question?

  • I often get rejected because I’m not all muscular with tight abs and muscular arms. However they don’t mention it in their profile about the type they want, if they actually got to know me they would know why I’m not. But nonetheless, it is preference, there is no sort of prejudice at all. So please stop making it seem that way or racist or anything like that. Why does preference of someone become a race thing? Please go back to your dictionary and read what racism actually is…will it turn your heads. I’ve did my thesis in undergrad about racism and what it actually is. It’s just a preference, we all have them.

  • It is definitely preference. I am a white male who is only sexually attracted to black and asian males. I do not want to waste my time explaining to a very nice and well-intentioned white man that I do not want to pursue sexual relations with him. If he knows up front, then he may choose to approach me for friendship. However, he will know that his sexual pursuits will not be worth his time either.

    I do have friends of all races, religions, sizes, etc. My circle of friends is very diverse. But when it comes to the men I choose to undress and have sex with, I can only obtain an erection if the man I am looking at and touching is black or asian. Enough said.

  • We all have some form of prejudice. Nobody is perfect. Many of us justify our prejudice by saying it is preference. This by itself is fine. We are all allowed to have preference (or prejudice). Having said that, it really boils down to how we state our preference.

    Examples of preference are:

    > Looking to meet people in their 20’s to early 30’s. Looking for guys +/- 5 years from my age. Please be close to my age.
    > Prefer to meet white and latin guys. I am really into black and latin guys.
    > Please be HIV negative and STD free.
    > Looking for guys who are tops. I am top so looking for a bottom.
    > Looking for masculine guys.
    > Please be height and weight proportionate. Prefer guys who are in shape.

    Examples of a prejudicial sounding preference.

    > No oldies. No one over 40.
    > Not into black guys. No asians need apply.
    > Not into poz.
    > No bottoms.
    > Not into fem guys.
    > No one over 200 pounds. Not into fatties.

    As you can see, both examples pretty much convey the same message on who we want to meet. The difference is in the language. The prejudicial way of conveying preference shows the thinly veiled ageism, racism and bigotry of a person. I am sure it is obvious that the preference way of phrasing INCLUDES those we want to meet and the prejudice way of phrasing EXCLUDES a certain group of people that we loathe.

    BTW, I am a 43 yo asian male so I have been on the receiving end of prejudice. I don’t let it bother me. As many have said, if a profile has their preference/prejudice stated, it saves me time and effort by avoiding that person. And do I really want to meet him anyways having exposed his character?

  • Interestingly, I have never seen a profile that says “no jews” or “christians only”. The exclusivity only pertains to race, ethnicity, and physical appearance. Men are widely known to be stimulated visually, which is why a lot of men are hung up on physical appearance, and not attributes like religion, employment, materials, etc. I’ve never seen “no truck drivers”, “corvette drivers only”, “no fast-food employees”, “doctors only”, “no suburbanites”, “city-dwellers only”, “no divorced parents”, I have seen “married men a plus”.

    All-in-all, gay men don’t care about where you come from, what you do, what your family is like, what you drive, what you own, as long as your this race, this ethnicity, this waist size, and “masculine” (which I can go off on).

    The whole “no blacks”, “no asians”, “no fems”, the “no, no, no’s” always turn me off and I stay away from them. If I get emailed by someone with anything like that in their profile, I ignore them. Besides being offended and disgusted, that person comes across with a lot of drama and alternate views I don’t want to be around.

    I should also add the “no drama”. There’s a difference between the emotional-life-sucks-drama and the I’m-going-to-get-you-fired-from-your-job-if-you-don’t-sleep-with-me-drama. Overall, I think this post reflects back on a previous post about how to write your profile.

    And I think this category falls under the negative profile. If you’re profile is a list of negatives, do you even know what you’re looking for? If you’re looking for someone who shares your bigoted beliefs, then there are other sites more tailored to your “beliefs”. As they say, “birds of a feather flock together”. Why would I want to flock with a hate-mongerer?

  • This is something I have always wondered. For example: When a profile I read states “Looking for friendship” but also states “No blacks, Asians, etc..” that ONLY means that person is prejudiced. If two people do not click, then it is what it is and they don’t click. I understand we all have our preferences but the bottom line here is we are all in the gay community and for one of our own to put forth prejudice, that person is no better than the breeders out there. Maybe in the long run, it is better to find out early about someone’s desires than wait until later after the meet.

  • As someone who is half asian and half black, Guys who are all no asians and no blacks do tend to hurt. But most of those guys are douche bags anyway.

    I also realised that Europeans seem to find me extremely attarctive for some reason. Now I don’t go outta my way to date a white guy but I find this highly intriguing. It appears other race’s are embraced in Europe but here in America other races are desexualised.

    Kinda sad really. Most whites will never admit it though.

  • Hmm, this is something to think about. I am a young African-American that is educated and in my opinion, not too bad on the eyes. The area that I live in is predominately Caucasian so by default I am more attracted to Caucasian men. The problem is that I have been told by NUMEROUS men when I message them, “no blacks” or “blacks to the back” I was even told my one “I don’t want any nigger dick”. These statements lead me to believe that it’s not just preference but prejudice as well. Just a thought I had in passing…

  • First Adam4Adam, I am glad you are bringing up this issue.

    I as a black male do not have a problem with people having “preferences” on who they sleep with. However I feel the way it is expressed here is damaging. “No blacks”, “No asians” is naturally hurtful and insensitive to those groups. I would prefer people state “I prefer …”

    Talking with friends I don’t think anyone really understands their “preferences.” Some of it may be purely sexual while some of it may come from deeper non-sexual feelings. You ever hear someone say “he/she was cute until he/she opened his/her mouth.” Personality plays a role in our attraction and when you consider that people often have preconceived notions of a person based on their looks you begin to wonder if people are often turned off by certain races because of stereotypes.

    One thing stuck with me from chatting on Gay.com in a computer lab. A friend (latino) and I talked to the exact same guy at the same time and he had no idea we were next to each other. His way of talking to us was starkly different. While talking to my friend normally, he would try to use a lot of slang with me. He knew nothing about either of us but had preconceptions about me based on my photo and maybe a one line bio that said little.

    Finally the biggest problem that I have with this issue is that while we do have a preference for who we sleep with I do not think that preference should carry over to who we talk to or choose to be friends with. I think it is not preference but prejudice when you post “no blacks” and then post “only looking for friends” or “just looking to chat.” It’s either flatly racist or at the very least disingenuous when it comes to your intentions.

  • I’ll admit, there are times I detest being black because many men don’t want to be with a black man. Just something I have noticed about myself.

  • If a gay bar or gay club said ‘no blacks’ or ‘no asians’ there would be an outcry..and we would probably have Peter Tatchell picketing the place!! Yet, it is perfectly acceptable on gay websites? Maybe because it is easier for gays to hide their biggotry behind their keyboards!

    Calling it a sexual preference is a total cop out…and comparing it to saying its just the same as ‘no fats or fems’ is patronising to say at the very least!

    Race is not a body type or characteristic that you can alter..and some gay guys need to appreciate that you cannot change your skin colour or racial origin!!

    When someone states they prefer their own race.. it is telling other races that they are inferior to their own race, unattractive and unworthy of them.

    Having said that I also find there is more racism in the gay scene than in the straight club scene..and although apartheid was abolished in South Africa over a decade ago…it is sadly very much alive in the gay community..and judging by vast amount of racial sexual preferences on a4a and other sites, it just sadly perpetuates this !!

  • Jon (time stamp 17:56) nailed it. Please scroll up and take a look. He well illustrates how easy it is to be polite and still indicate what turns you on. I prefer to state no preferences but I risk having a really hot guy that totally fits one of my “types” passing on my profile. The advantage of stating a preference (not just racial one) is that sometimes you view a profile of a guy that you might not think you are his type but then he describes you and you say “woohoo!”

  • I’ve learned that when you reach a certain age, people on here dont wanna talk to you espicially if u look a certain way. And i hate when you message someone and they dont message you back or block you because they dont like you. You dont know me to block me or not messaging me back but just because im old or maybe ugly, you block me or dont message me back. Its sad.

  • I get an attitude whenever I said I’m not into dating/hooking up with black or Asian guys. I am not sexually attracted to them. I get called a racist.

    I did NOT say “ewwww I hate black and Asian men.”

    I do not have a white hood in my closet.

    I do not exclude any one of any race, religion, etc etc from my social circle or dinner table, house, etc. I just do not pursue sexual relations with black or Asian guys.

    I do find it funny that a few weeks ago when a comment was blogged about not being into fat guys very few people found that offensive. What’s the difference between not hooking up with a black guy vs not hooking up with a fat guy? It boils down to the same thing; sexual taste.

  • I can see how some can take preferances as prejudice. For me, I do not have a sexual desire to be with a black or asian man. I just have no sexual attraction at all. Before I came out I did date both white and black women. I am not saying i will never broaden my horizons either. I am open to all races but havent found anyone in those groups that interest me. I am 25, 5′ 11″ and 160 lbs. I want nothing to do with someone over 35 and weighs a lot more than I do. Height doesn’t matter to me. I am saying we all have our likes/dislikes. It is a matter of being attracted physically which leads to being attracted sexually for all of us. Point blank!!

  • I happen to like Bears. There are MANY profiles that say no bears please. I DON’T find that offensive, just honest. My Profle used to say sorry no Black men please. I got SO much hate mail that I almost had to leave the site. What gives? I am a Latino and I know that not everyone wants my type. What is with the Hyper sensetive Blacks????

  • No blacks, No Asians is
    Prejudice. Period!

  • K i s s —– keep it short stupid!

  • STating a racial preference is in its very basic nature a racist act. Coming from a racist society in the South then moving to the extremely diverse city of San Francisco there is a direct correlation between societal bigotry and racial preferences on A4A. We are all guilty of it: whites, people of color, and ethnic minorities.

    With this being said, hopefully we can all identify these prejudices within ourselves and work on them. In the mean time I’d suggest not getting bent out of shape because someone doesn’t want to suck your dick after a two word message. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

  • Being multiracial, (½ white & asian/ ½ black) when I see “No blacks or asians” it hurts my heart. It shocks me how nasty & evil we as gay men can be toward each other. And we wonder why some straight people feel that we don’t deserve certain rights.

  • Thank you for your honesty Steven. God bless

  • The whole woman argument is weak. U people are really grasping for straws and its amusing to watch a racist in denial. the point is I don’t spend my time on Adam offensively stating what I don’t want. I do, however aggressively go after what I do want. If I am not interested, I simply won’t respond and if the person keeps messaging me, I block em. Cuz I realize that we are people with feelings and don’t buy into that male culture BULLSHIT about men not having feelings. I don’t care how many “balls” u have grown or acquired. Its dumb, childish, pointless, and not to mention outdated to be putting all this racially charged stuff on here. Be man enough to grow up and go after what u want instead of focusing on what u don’t want

  • Think about it. If u were a vegetarian making out your grocery list…..do u know how insanely stupid u would look by writing “NO MEAT!!!! Ew I can’t stand meat lol. Lmao @ dumb asses on here

  • It’s so funny to see those profiles and most always (99%) they don’t have their picture posted so that they can hide behind their computer. Interesting enough when they are in the real world and are discriminated against because some homophobe in the workplace or some other social setting doesn’t want to be around a ‘fag’ they are the first to scream and cry about not being accepted. I don’t get too upset with these type of gay men because they are psychologically miserable and look at their partners as nothing more than a fetish. And thats what it is… a fetish. They will never find true love and when they’re old alone they will reflect on their discrimination.

  • I’m ‘mixed’ race – black/white – and therefore automatically black in American terms. And I’d like to pose a few questions for thought:

    1. Why are so many gay white Americans interested in primarily white and Latino men? (it was always the Latino part that confused me) I mean why not white and Asian, or white and Arab…

    2. Why do so many gay white Americans use the term ‘Latin’ online when the modern accepted terms are Latino or Hispanic…..and these are ethnicities NOT races?

    3. Why are (in my experience only) gay white Europeans much more accepting of other races than gay white Americans?

    4. Why is the ‘race problem’ so much more pronounced in the gay community than the straight community? Is it just because gay men are so much more sexualized that they are more up front and coldly decisive about who they want to sleep with?

    Number three leads me to believe it is a deep-seated American cultural problem, and not a race problem by way of nature.

    I find myself very attracted to white men, but I love black men, Asians, Latinos, anyone. And I’m definitely not attracted to every white man….by far. I do not exclude people based on race. To do so in a sexual sense may not be prejudiced in the traditional meaning of the word, but it sure is ignorant and closed-minded. If you don’t even leave the possibility open, to me that says a lot about your upbringing, culture, and experience in your formative years.

    Regardless, if you state that you will only accept advances from certain races online, you are by definition making a prejudicial statement. Preference or not. Your preference is prejudiced. As others have said, one cannot help who one is attracted to. But one can actively diminish other races where they become less equitable in their interactions and beliefs about other races. That is a racist person.

    Something else I find online. It’s usually white guys who say, “(insert x amount of ignorance)…sorry just a preference.” Just like I bet the “just get over it” guys on this thread are white….. Why can’t people own up to their prejudices if they have them?

  • Somebody mentioned ‘tastes.’ Everybody has tastes in food and clothing. Why not men? It isn’t prejudice if you prefer one food or shirt over another. It’s the same with men. Why take on a man that is not of your preference? I don’t, and I don’t think it is being prejudiced. I don’t enjoy uncut cock, so why should I force myself to have sex with one. It’s my preference! I’m sorry the dude didn’t get his cock cut, and I’m not going to suck it. It’s my preference. I don’t eat turnip greens either!

  • And another thing. I remember once when a guy had the nerve to contact me and tell me I was hot and wanted to meet me but as soon as I revealed that I was half black AND half asian he was like “oh not into a black guys just a preference bye”. And just a minute ago he was jerking off to my seemingly asian ass pics.

    So to those who think prejudice and preferences don’t mix. Trust me, it does. Most who have them are the ones getting defensive over this topic.

  • the gay communitys see’s color its obvious with the gay pride and gay ads with just certain races that are used in ads,,people say they don’t see color ,but they do its part of our makeup,its what makes us differrent besides culture.When you buy a car you see the body the style and the COLOR then you see the options.If they dont have the options you look for the one in the same color with the options you like.But you still want that COLOR it draws you in.Some of us don’t mind the color some do its when you dont like some one because of there color,aka RACE..it will never change.

  • BlueboyDc you are so correct.Being a Black guy im attracted to the interracial thing and it doesnt amaze me when guys act like this .its when I get hit up bye those I wouldnt think would pay me any attention.

  • i dont think it has anything to do with prejudice people have sexual preferences of race weight cock size ability to at least try to act like a man in public it doesmt mean you hate blacks,asians,etc just because you dont find them sexually attractive.this is a very cruel world and i dont feel confortable walking down the street with someone who is snapping thier fingers and calling everyone “girl friend” i mean the antigay forces have enough amunition already why walk around acting like a horrendous caricature of a woman”notice me,notice me”.so we are free to choose what we want in a sex partner unless we go to prison where your ass could be up for grabs from every race

  • the only thing i can say i have a direct problem is the Racial Issue here. The “NO BLACKS, Or No WHITES” inside of peoples profiles. That my friend is Racism. NO doubt about it but with that being said i think the other preferences are OK. Now look older,maybe positive, maybe “Fat” guys, i don’t see why it would be hard to see that would be a problem to stating inside of a profile that a person is not “into” that.

  • This is getting ridiculous. So you mean now, one can’t even say they are only attracted to white guys w/out that being prejudiced! WTF This is no differenct than saying, ONly interested in guys, no girls ! WE all know what we want and it should be fine to say so. If others don’t like it, then, that’s their problem. I’m sick of everything having to be so fucking politically correct. I only like white guys and I don’t give a damn who knows it !

  • Actually, if you can’t see the head of the guy, there really is not much difference between cocks on all nationalities! Health & age are really bigger factors!

  • I think pictures & profiles are a waste of time: Everybody is a surprise wheb they get here!

  • You can’t be gay and racist, also as of size or fem acting it’s okay to rule out those things. but to shun someone because of race is ridiculous. Gays cannot bitch about receiving equal rights, when they have petty race issues with each other. If you have problems with race then social networking isn’t for you period! this is 2012, and if you limit yourself to a certain group of people you are cheating yourself out of good friends and a possible soulmate

  • Well gays can be prejudice too! We act as if homos cant be.We pass on disease,lie about our age,lifestyle,manipulat friends family,cheat on lovers and somehow were above bigotry? Please,u MF’s are delusional! When i read a profile that says only a specific race i love it,helps me narrow it down to someone else faster! This is a fuck site,and we all like to find & be with the person(s) who turn us on,and makes us cum the hardest! Though really thay are not always the same! I agree with most of the writers here,and i do understand what for the most part there’re trying to say. I believe u can get your point across without describing specifically by race,age,or weight! It’s ok to be a white man and want a white busband,and a white wedding in whitehaven but when you describe what it is u dont want in terms of the race of the people you don’t want,instead of who u do, thats when u become an asshole bigot! Hey gay men,choose your words! You might offend the one your trying to catch!

  • “no blacks, no whites, no asians, no fats, no fems, none over 30, none under 30, no no no no no!” … we live in a sad, shallow, superficial world where prejudice is not only accepted, it’s expected.

  • This is absolutey prejudice. Into relatons of the 1900’s, racism was advertised that way (no black/whites only/no jews). In correspondent to profiles that say such similarity in race “preference”, it’s adamant of what you don’t want (no blacks/no whites/no asians etc). There’s other ways to announce to people your “preference” rather than blatantly stating in your profile. A lowkey sign of racism and disrespect.

  • For whatever reason Im attracted to Black men. Im a white guy from NYC. Problem is.. Most Black men here wont date white men. Are they racist for wanting to date someone with their own cultural history? Am I racist for wanting to (primarily) date just Black Men, even though its what makes me hot? The point is, we like what we like and rejection is part of the deal here. Dont take it personal. Just go for what you like.. Speaking of which.. fellas get at me..

  • Preference. I have caught more hell because I put in my profile that I’m just looking for white guys of a certain age range.

    The preference I have listed is the same one that I practice away from A4A. My preference is not going to change. I know what I want and what I don’t want. All I want is respect for my preference. The last time I checked the Bill of Rights to our Constitution is still in effect. We do not live in in some 3rd world country where you are told what to think and what you can do.

    When I look at a profile and I see that the person would not be interested in me I erase my trace. I respect their preferences and that is all I ask of mine.

    Some people want to throw the race card, that is not a valid argument on here.

  • There is nothing prejudice about stating your preferences within these profiles. Anyone that thinks so is overly sensitive. A lot of black guys say “black guys only”…but then you get some that say “black dude only looking for white and latino” (And Im Black so dont pull the race card here).

    If we can’t say what we feel on a webpage, how do we get the attention of those we want? I hate when folks take their personal feelings and try to make it everyone’s problem. If you feel its prejudiced, then skip the profile. In fact you are pre judging someone you don’t know based on their personal preference, so technically you are prejudiced too.

    One person is not going to be everyone’s type. There is always going to be something that someone doesn’t like about another person. It could be skin color, eye color, height, weight, size of feet, small ass or ass to big… no matter what, you can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t want to.

    We need to stop thinking everyone feels what we feel or see things they way we see it. No one should be mad at anyone else’s preference. If I said Black Guys Only…as a black man that should not make me prejudiced…But if I said something derogatory about whites then that would be prejudiced and racist. Stop mistaking the two and respect people as individuals that have preferences just like you do.

  • Ok Blueboydc, u said it all honey! You are on point,and i hope some people will read your message and take notes! Bravo my dear!

  • As much as we want equality we have an innate sense of giving a placement order on things. We have a various sense of categorizing our personal needs vs our social acceptable needs to fit what we deem as worthy. For example, we as gay men like men- but then you take it a step further and go for the type- then the color, creed and personal attributes. The only real thing people should focus on is tolerance of this balance. Understanding this shows that you are respectful of each others likes and existence…because that is why we are on here right- to find people that will accept us as we are and be apart of a group? As an Asian male, I have encountered other Asians calling me Racist because I don’t date other Asians… That is not the case, I just can’t see myself dating an Asian man because of the tastes I have. I like bearish- bigger stock built men… and most Asians I have met are smaller framed builds. Its just a prefered taste and not racist. Besides anyone who is willing to have sex with me is a good person in my book…just don’t expect breakfast in the morning.

  • I think this is the best blog post ever Stephan. Some people even contact me saying why are you into white guys or light skin complected guys? My question is why have they taken the time to question what I’m in search of when its typically not them. Are they trying to read in between the lines or something? I have had this profile since I was 18 and now I’m 26 things has changed based on my experiences. I think other people should respect those that are not interested in them. Hassling people like a salesman is not going to get a “Yes” out of them. To call a person fat is rude to me but to in consideration a person should look for “personality” within the profile. I skip a profile that says “NO DRAMA”. And it’s sad that it enrages a person so badly that another person that likes or not interested in (whatever) they have to report it is just ridiculous. It doesn’t hurt me for a guy not to like me. That’s life…There’s THOUSANDS of different people on this site that we can chat with.

  • I think stating a sexual preference is ok and not prejudice. HOWEVER, some people really have no class in the way they state things. You can say you like “fit” guys without having to say “no fats” or say “masculine” without saying, “no fems, feathers, queens, etc.” I think that does say something about the person. As far as race is concerned, again, as long as it is stated as a preference (white only, hispanics a plus, etc) and no racial slurs are used, then that’s fine. How else can you state a racial preference for sex? So, the bottom line is that there are ways to state a preference without being unkind or insensitive to the rest. It also makes you even more attractive when you’re nice, ;-)

  • I think if you state what you like and don’t like up front it is a preference. If hide the fact that you’re only it to this type of person or this race etc. etc then it becomes prejudice when you reject them on those points

  • One of my longest and dearest friends is a black man who has slept in the same bed with me (in a nonsexual manner), ate at my house, and whom I’ve kissed on the lips in a friendly manner. These are the things a prejudiced white man would not do. With that being said, I am not now nor have I ever been attracted sexually to black men. I had that stated in my profile with a statement that I hoped I didn’t offend anyone, and yet black men sent me messages to hook up frequently. Once I removed that from my profile, I have yet to receive a message from a black man. Grow up people…we are attracted sexually to whom and what we are attracted, plain and simple. It’s an innate desire we have no control over whatsoever.

  • Its preference. I don’t find myself attracted to white men or Asian men, not at all am I saying “ew, I hate you guys, don’t come near me”. It’s just that not everything is for everyone. Some people like apples, and some people like oranges.

  • It’s a preference in my book. You know exactly what strikes your interest and gets your dick hard. To me, this is what this site is all about. I’m a black man that’s married to a black woman. I had a kid from a previous relationship (blk woman), but I only have sex with latino men. For some odd reason, I’m not sexually attracted to white men or women. This is only my preference. Why does it need to be justified??

  • Judging people on the basis of race is prejudice and associating a particular race with negativism is racist, whether you’re saying you do so on the basis of uncontrollable attraction or not. There is obviously a reason WHY you feel that a certain race has undesirable qualities.

    Further, saying people should not comment on other’s stated preferences is silly and self defeating. Making comments about no this and no that opens yourself up for judgment; there are consequences for every action.

  • I’m posting again. It really upsets me when people always use the argument, I’m not into women does that make me sexist. No it does not, even though you’re not sexually attracted to women, you still won’t rule them out by not developing friendships with them. What a majority of us are talking about is that a preference usually turns into prejudice. Once you have a preference to only have sex with a specific ethnicity of men, then you will rule out even developing friendships or even talking to them. I see why a majority of gay men are attracted to Straight Men, because gay men can get exactly what they want from them, and the Straight Men don’t have all these requirements or hang ups that gay men have. We will never be able to evolve as a gay community with all these prejudice and preferences splitting us apart.

  • hey, ya like what ya like… state what you like, what you’re looking for. don’t complicate things. we don’t all like the same thing . so simple. has nothing to do with race, color, etc.

  • As a black male who isn’t really attracted to other black males, I can say that it’s definitely preference. However, how people word their preferences or treat others who message them is where the issue comes into play. It’s the intent and and power behind the words that display rejection that get people so upset.

    For example: I ran into a very nice Latino guy who had a great profile…until he stated in his profile “no blacks, fats, or old people. I do have standards.” What is that essentially saying? That black gay guys (to him) are the lowest of the low on the gay totem pole?

    I do think it just comes to what people are attracted to, but I believe where people can perceive someone as being “prejudiced” is just nothing more than a poor choice of words and communication.

  • I bet you can’t tell what color my dick is when it is up your ass. That being said, sex IS about what you’re attracted to. However, I’m willing to wager that most of the guys that say they are not attracted to this or that particular race isn’t being contacted by SO many of that particular race that they need to make a point of specifically excluding them.

    Stating that you are not attracted to a particular race is making a blanket statement that is itself, inherently prejudiced. Have you met or seen every guy in that race?? If a guy has a hot body or a nice dick or ass it will turn you on and feel great no matter what color it is. If all else fails, turn out all the lights, get off, then get out. Or better yet, start your own “racially exclusive” sex site and get off of public ones.

  • I prefer red wine with 2 ice cubes and a pineapple dipped in sugar on the side of my glass. I would like white chocolate cake and a garden salad with no lettuce or tomatoes. These are my choices. If you don’t like what I want to eat, then don’t eat it. Do you get upset and walk away because of how I like my wine or my cake and salad? No!! You would sit there and continue to eat with me and enjoy YOUR food preferences. Everyone has different taste in clothes, music, houses, hairstyles, lube type, parenting, religion…EVERYTHING…but it’s only prejudice when it excludes YOU? Oh please…grow up!! Get over yourself…Everyone won’t like everything. I may not like fat ppl or fem men, , but that doesnt make me prejudice AT ALL…it makes me specific about who i want to be with.

  • There are other issues coming up here- like people being ignored. Look- sometimes I would spend too much time sending ‘no thank yous’ than focusing on speaking to the people that I actually am attracted to. Moreover, I’ve been told off for politely declining someone’s attention because it’s considered better ettiquette to just ignore &/or block if I’m not interested. Someone ignoring you is technically rude, yes but this isn’t the issue at large here. It’s about discrimination- we ALL have prejudices. That’s just a fact. It’s where we impose them upon others that it’s a problem.

    Basic logic: you base any decision upon race (& now the law includes religion, gender, sexuality & nationality), that is racist. It may not always be illegal or even legally enforceable but the sentiment is distasteful. People have suffered enough because of it & now they’re trying to live free. No one’s trying to force the opinion here but simply put, if you think you’re not racist or a bigot then you shouldn’t have a problem respecting people’s right to be FREE of persecution and exclusion/inclusion based on race. No one’s saying that they have a right to get into your pants! Don’t be so shallow as to feed on such base self-flattery. Just accept that when you join a website, like everywhere else, other people have a right to freely be there, WITHOUT being racially segregated. It’s not OK just because ‘it’s what you like.’

    I could easily argue that it takes more balls to NOT come and whinge like a spoilt child about what you want & that people who you don’t like are contacting you; that you should ‘man up’ & deal with reality & not just the toys in your pram. You don’t have to play with everyone & not everyone wants to play with you. Just stop trying to segregate the playground. That’s just being a pre-programmed gay with a limited brain.

  • @Cntryman09
    It’s not ridiculous, it’s reality. It’s only ridiculous to you because you are on the other side of the issue. A race of human beings is not a sex. Sexual orientation is not a decision, it is ingrained. Attraction with regards to race/shape/et al, i.e. “type” is not. It is actually learned through experience and exposure.

    As for those who want to equate the gay race issue to “preference”, as in vegetables on their dinner plate…that is what is ridiculous. Different races of human beings are just that…human beings. They are not broccoli vs. brussels sprout vs. asparagus. They are human beings with feelings, emotions, and a history closely related to who they are physically.

    Honestly, if one equates different “types” of gays to vegetables at a market, then I have to question how much they actually value people to begin with. As other people in this thread have said, please show your ignorance and prejudice in your profile….so that I can pass right on by you.

    Also, the word preference is not an absolute. So technically those guys with ‘white only’ or ‘black only’ “preferences” are grammatically incorrect. Preference is more properly defined as choosing one over another, but willing to take one’s 2nd or 3rd… choice if one’s 1st is not available.

    Anyway a lot of these ignorant phrases I see fellow gay men use in their online profiles are just that…ignorant. They wouldn’t be out of place in circa-1958 deep south United States. And people claim this country has come so far…

  • I think it’s a little bit of both. I have posed this question several times in my years on a4a and I always get mixed answers. Me myself sexy has no color I’ve been with every race. But I do tend to see a pattern. The young hot white “Taylor” look a likes shy away from black guys due to stereotypes placed on us by society as a whole and the older white “John Goodman” types think every black guy online an be bought. I fall into neither I work full time make good money n just want hot sex with someone who I feel as though would be a good lay for lack of a better term. I just say if you don’t like what’s on the other end of the message just don’t respond most people will get the hint although there are some whackos on here and thats why the lovely admin invented the block button lol.

  • As an average looking and build, middleage, regularly hairy, white guy I’ve been very fortunate to connect with guys on a regular basis, making some very good long term friends. But I’ve also been flatly rejected by some of all races, builds, and ages due to the facts that I’m an average looking and build, middleage, regularly hairy, white guy. Some rejections due to my build, age and/or hariness. Is the prejudice? I don’t think so. Just a matter of what clicked for them and what did not.

    I’ve found that most people are not biggots when it comes to race or ethnicity, but I have also encountered plenty of people who play the race card all to easily,. They are prejudicial to “their own kind” and attempt to claim that others hold them in a lower position for no reason other than to perpetuate that biggotry is alive and well. Fortunately, I’ve met others of non-white-anglo makeup who are great people and successful individuals. Yes, their race and ethnicity are clear, but they don’t throw it in others’ faces.

  • Being an–I dare say it–ATTRACTIVE, in-shape, Black male, even I come across profiles (and sometimes msgs) that say “Sorry, not into Blacks…that’s just my preference”. While it momentarily irks me to read such things, I take no personal offense to it. I can understand that you’re not sexually attracted to Blacks or Asians (let’s face it, 90% of the profiles have something to the effect of “Into Whites and Latins Only” in them)and would hope that you show/have the same understanding if I don’t carry an attraction towards you.

  • I don’t think it’s a matter of preference or prejudice but more a matter of being an idiot or an asshole. It’s the internet and someone asshole wants to be extremely picky, that’s his perrogative. Getting up in arms about it is idiotic especially when all you have to do is go to the next profile. Some people are unrealistic on their profile but once again that’s their perrogative. There is always a little piggie with ‘anything goes’ that will allow anyone to go.

  • I read somewhere that posted stats are exaggerations:

    9.5″ cock turns out to be two inches shorter (I’ve measured)

    6′ guy turns out to be 5.8′

    180# guy turns out to be over 200#

    35 yr. old guy turns out to be 45

    Profile pic was taken ten years ago

    Biggest disappointment was cute blonde guy profiled as 175# with 7.5″ cock. Turned out to be a fat 250# with 2″ cock, just head and no shaft.

    My preferences went down the drain on this one. Why lie when you know you’ll be found out? Tell the truth in your profile.

  • I think the topic is a bit moot. There have been race problems since forever. Yes, people are racist. We know this. The gay world is a microcosm of the world as a whole and in America there are issues of skin color discrimination.

    As far as the preference thing, people are going to do what they want. As a black guy growing in Kansas, who was a straight A student, I am used to white people not being into me. Even the women. So for me, it doesn’t shock me.

    I would rather people do what they are going to do and not make it an emotional event. I mean seriously, if a guy doesn’t like Asian men, there was nothing I could do about that. Is the language offensive? Yes. Does it change it any? Not really. At the same time, I see people who state they don’t mess around with blacks or asians but often times it is a facade or they are just trying to be provocative.

    In closing, I often think to myself, “If they aren’t into me, why am I wasting my time? There are plenty of guys who are into me, why don’t I just go mess with those guys?”

  • First let me say that I agree that this is a very sensitive, but very good topic. It took me a while to finish reading everyones comment and I agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinion be it true, false, good, bad, fair, or indifferent.

    However: Truth is Truth!! The definition of Prejudice is (thanks to Websters and Dictionary.com)

    prej·u·dice   
    noun
    1. an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.
    2. any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
    3. unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially regarding a racial, religious, or national group.

    To state so it is easy to understand. To seperate anyone by social status is a form of discrimination! It will always be easier to defend prejudice than to admit one has them. If you have never been faced with prejudice or any type of discrimination you will never know what that feels like.

    Have you ever walked into a bar that had NO Blacks posted outside the door? Have you ever walked into a resturant had a seperate entrance for Non-Whites? How would you feel if you walked up to a Clothing store and posted outside the door said “No Fags Allowed”? And just to put things a little close to home.. What if you were driving down the street and saw signs stating: Defend the Constitution of Marriage. 1 Man + 1 Woman?? How do you feel when you are at a Gay Pride Parade and there are so called Christian Organizations saying you are going to burn in Hell for loving another man??

    To see things like NO Blacks, NO Asians, No Hispanics, etc. on a Gay socail network is painful. Here is the thing.. If you are not into it, Click delete! Hit the “X” button.

    There are people on this site that will flat out call you a “Ni***r” and then block you!

    When it comes to social networks, especially ones like this one (where we are already discriminated against) where do we draw the line? When do we say enough is enough?

    The bottom line is simply this: Who you choose to go to bed with is your choice. There is no need to state the physical and be respectful. Just say “Thank you for the compliment, but I’m not interested”

    As for me, I would love to see A4A add a Zero Tolerance towards prejudice and Ban any type of posting that even be miscontrued as prejudice or discrimination

  • There is racism…yes. But there is also some biology behind it. Here’s what I mean:
    I was a straight guy for a long time. Married twice…had kids…the whole shot. Every female I ever dated was opposite of me. I am light skin, red hair….all the girls I dated were dark skin/eyes/hair. Now that I am seeing men, I pretty much exclusively date guys with dark features. Blonde hair blue eyed boys don’t do much for me at all.
    We are programmed this way biologically for a reason. MOST of us are programmed to seek out sexual partners that are different than we are. It’s Mother Nature’s way of ensuring diversity in the species. Now, gays aren’t responsible for perpetuating the species; we don’t reproduce. However, we are still human and still have that mechanism deep inside us.
    The problem lies herein the way people articulate their preferences. I choose to politely turn down someone who is not my type rather than put a blanket statement on my profile. But that is just my choice.
    Bottom line is that in humans, sexual preference is designed to perpetuate diversity of the species….except in the case of the racist individuals, both gay and straight, that roam the planet.

  • I think it is hysterical that so many people now are always offended by something. I am not into femm guys, black men, asians or uncut men. That is what I like. It is no prejudice, it is preference. Get over it ladies!
    I am not into blonde twinks who wear flip flops and talk on their phone like they are a 12 year old girl. Again, it’s my preference, not offensive.

  • Ok i just read another post. I am so sorry to live in a community that is so dramatic and uneducated. I am sorry for those of you who turn something so little into this big deal. Please grow up and get over it. This site is meant for you to get fucked not to be featured on Opra or the view. Please just get over it.

  • trevor: The blog is a blog. If you want to get fucked feel free to visit A4A. Oh and by the way, we will actually decide on our content if you don’t mind!

  • No Hispanics, No Asians and No blacks is definitely a prejudice!

  • Preference or Prejudice? The only purpose this subject serves is to shine a light on the overall maturity of the gay communuity, thankfully most commenters are right on the money or at least only partially retarded. If this distinction is not clear by now to anyone I don’t know what to say. More over, who cares? Who is anyone to sit in judgement of another in either case? It boils down to 3 things….. honesty, maturity, and ego. If you’re offended by another personal tastes (whether is a preference OR prejudice), you are completely lacking in all 3 areas. It’s obviously not a match for you, so move along. Only if a profile spreads hateful rhetoric would it ever be “inappropriate”. Whether it says “whites only” or “no blacks”, who are you to interpret that via printed word (vs face to face communication) where you lack any understanding on the poster and apply your own spin to their static words? Either statement could be spun in either direction. If you take issue with clear, simple statements, then I take issue with your stupidity. Get off a4a, and go focus your worthless endeavors into something that actually serves some remote purpose in society, and don’t forget the fries with my shake. Oh, and the “recommended” amount of ‘flair’ is 30 pieces. Go cry about that too, and slink off to a dark corner to soothe your wounded ego and rashy mangina.

  • i think there’s nothing wrong stating what your into and what your not. Why talk to someone that you aren’t attracted to unless of course u just want to be friends then who cares what race or build they are. But if you are just looking for sex then be as blunt as possible to get what you want. Yea some people will be offended but usually those are the people that find you attractive but know you wont find them attractive. its just plane whining. Get over it men, find a guy that likes ur characteristics. There’s someone for everyone :)

  • Oh…. and to speak to the launch points of this debate, which are:

    “White / black, long / short, blonde / red, how do you state your preferences without being offensive…”: this not just a simple answer, its an inarguable truth, which is that you can’t. Ever. Your preferences are just that, your own personal preference. It will never please everyone and thats even better. Its inherently beautiful because it speaks to the creativity and free will we all possess. It also speaks to everyone’s right to disagree. Do you disagree with me? I truly hope so, because you just proved my point.

    and

    “… how do you perceive others when they bluntly state what they are looking for?”: Another simple truth, I view them as honest. Even more, articulate and honest in their blunt simplicity. More yet, as upright, outstanding beacons of hope amongst a sad, conflicted, backwards, insecure, horde of retarded, snot chomping drool factories who thrive on dishonesty, fear, and a lack of self awareness, discipline, integrity, and a GED. Oh, sorry… you have your GED? You take offense? Then dont state on your profile youre a Dr. of Quantum Physics. If you take offense to simple, blunt, and crystal clear truth on someone’s profile, then I take offense at your stupidity. Take your time wasting worthless endeavors somewhere that serve society better based on your usefullness to it, and please dont forget the fries this time…. especially when thats all i ordered. Still take offense? Then go slink off to some corner and cry about it to the wall, it can relate to your density. All done sniffling? Great! Wipe the snot ribbon off your cleft lip, your wounded ego has been soothed, your infantile needs met, and hopefully a weight has been lifted from your hypersensitive mangina.

    If you truly took offense at any of that…. youre still not getting it…. all i can finally say, is liken it to a mental enema. And if not, go get a real one. It might loosen up that steel shut pucker chute, finally release that ginormous stick thats been crammed up there your entire life.

  • Give me Hugh Jackman any day…not Adam Lambert or Justin Bieber…ugh!

  • The whole site is screwed up I don’t understand why there’s options for friendship and relationship If it’s just for sex. And then if you do go on there looking for friends you gotta be a certain color size or masculinity its…. I believe it’s more than just a preference

  • Not that my two cents matters at this point, but:

    Before we decide what is and is not racist about our desire, we should probably be willing to investigate why our desire falls so clearly along lines of race (which admittedly doesn’t exist biologically) in the first place. Could it be that we have lived all our lives in a society that believes race to be real, that reinforces ideas about those races, and keeps hidden from us the effects of that kind of racist thinking so that we don’t have incentive to change?

    No one likes to be called names, but if the charge of racism makes you defensive before it makes you really think and evaluate how you do things, then you are playing into privilege and how it works (because you don’t HAVE to think about race, you choose not to; not everyone is so lucky).

    And I think people are onto something when they say, yes, this logically extends to questions of preference in other areas. Dis/ability, age, masc/fem expectations, body size…all of it should give us pause when we liberally choose what we will and will not attend to romantically and sexually. I think the answer should be more substantive than “It’s just what I like” especially when what you like falls clearly in step with what we have been taught as a culture to value (youth, male virility and vigor, whiteness).

    No one is arguing with your right to like what you like; only with the way your rights might be reinforcing or being reinforced by patterns of thinking that you aren’t looking deeply enough into.

  • It’s funny a straight friend of mine is on a straight hookup site and its an eye opener to see how more then half of ads on there do not list race preferences with such disdain and condescending undertones as this site does. My favor so far is “White and Latino to the front of line”, lol..as if there is a long wrap around line of guys wanting to meet up the idiot in the first place. Anybody who has been on Adam4adam long enough knows that the white ads post more race “preferences” then any other race on the entire site.

    I live on the west coast in the U.S and gay racist is rampant here. In California alone, more then 50% of the ads have race “preferences” in them. Don’t get me started on Los Angeles in particular lol, which is weird because when you compare those ads to ads from the south (ATL, Miami, New Orleans) you would think with those southern state/cities that the race card would be played more often. I was pleasantly surprised when I when to South Beach Florida last summer to find so many interracial couples and hookups with hot to average guys with less drama, shit if only LA was like that I thought. I get so much shade when I date outside my race from people in my city, but its not my fault guys of other races find me attractive and that piss off racist gays because they can’t be with whom I’m with..at the time lol, blame my parents for good genetics.

    Now I’m a “seasoned” a4a member and proud closet-less gay, and this if what I’ve found to be true (in my area)…

    1. Whites 18-30 = Have the most “elitest” attitude, especially if they are somewhat attractive and have a great to decent body. They believe they are every guys type and can have their pick of bunch when it comes to dating let alone hookup be it on venues such as Adam or in the clubs.
    2. Whites 30-40 = Transitional types in the sense that if they are very experienced with men particularly of their own race in the past, they are more prone to date/hookup outside as they approach being middle-aged. Yet many still carry the stereotype dogma BS baggage with them into those relationships.
    3. Whites 40 and up = Believe it or not, are more prone to date/hookup with most races. Now is this because they feel they can’t get the 20 something fellow whites anymore so they have to seek fun elsewhere, could be..or they just got tired of the “pink holes and cocks” after all those years and want a different flavor.
    4. Latinos 18-up = pampered minority because of the “white and latino only, or to the front of line”, they feel next to whites they are best of the bunch, which makes no sense to me when they outnumber everyone here 50 to 1 so that makes them pretty common in my book..like city pigeons. I crack up every time I see Latino ads from guys that live in the most ghetto poorest parts of LA where it’s mostly Latino and Black, yet the post “white only” and “my place”..as if the typical white weho drone would want to drive down to them for trick n treat.
    5. Asians 18 and up = The self-hate set. Rarely do I meet or see any of them that are into their own race exclusively. They are either only into white or black, 9 time out of 10 a bottom including the self proclaimed vers ones. Because they jock other races so much, they keep the fire burning on these race “prefs” attitudes and elitism. Just look at their cartoons/anime they don’t even like them they look white.
    6. Blacks 18-30 = Passionate but hostile! warning lol. Very sensitive bunch, guess it’s from dealing with the gay issue which isn’t as acceptable in the black community and trying to date/hookup with guys who are either “DL” or confused all together.
    7. Blacks 30 and up = Aloof for the most part, willing to deal with other races after dealing with their own race for most of their gay active lives, but really feels that only other Blacks can truly understand them. I guess I get that..but for a NSA hookup at 2am who give’s a shit. I don’t.

    Now I know I left out the Mid-easterners, but lets face it they’re attitudes are similar to the whites and latinos aforementioned, no point in being repetitive. I haven’t seen one ad that says “NO mid-east” lol.
    I have an “eye” for everybody, I can find what is attractive to me in any race, I have no “line”. Because racism is so prevalent out here we have guys claiming races they are obviously not or being mix with. Case in point, Black guys claiming to be mixed, but they have the nappiest pubes and skin like burnt toast, or Latino guys that might be light-skinned claiming to be white, because they wish they really where white lol. All of this in order to attract whites who would other wise not be interested in them had they be comfortable with what they really are. All this crap come from the race issues and stereotype in both gay/straight communities decades. OMG, I might have posted the longest post on here for this topic, sorry. I will say after reading the majority of responses to this topic on here, that most to the guys that defend the race “preference” and telling everyone to get over are most likely White 18-35, it was easy to figure out since I’m White. These are my opinions, shared by many in my area. Unless you live here for over 5yrs, please don’t get all out of sorts. Thanks!

  • @ Brent

    “It’s funny a straight friend of mine is on a straight hookup site and its an eye opener to see how more then half of ads on there do not list race preferences with such disdain and condescending undertones as this site does.”

    Yes, because a significant percentage of gay men online only care about who they’re attracted to and fucking at the moment, and could completely and totally care less about who they slight, offend, and treat like pure shit.

    BTW. I’m “black” (like I said I’m mixed with “white” and I have a German surname) 18-30 and i’m very passionate and sensitive but I’ve been very out for years and I’m not into DL guys at all.

  • There is a difference between a preference and an elimination of everyone else. I prefer to eat salmon for dinner, but I don’t because balance is the better diet. So I may eat more salmon but I don’t eliminate other options. So when I see NO WHITES NO WHITES NO WHITES!! in someones profile, which I see most often in the ATL site. that is not a preference, that is a rant of hate or disgust for white people in my opinion. If you ONLY have sex with one race, you don’t prefer one, you eliminate the others. A preference includes others, just favors one. I don’t know many straight men who prefer blonds as an example who will turn down a beautiful dark haired woman who says to him, will you fuck me. But I have seen here in ATL a hot white man approach a hot black guy and the black guy turns him down, and yet turns around to go and fuck an unattractive black guy. Well maybe he likes that look in a man you say? Believe me, I don’t think so. It was about getting off NOW, and only with someone who was black. I know it happens within all races, I am only expressing what I see most. But why a hot man is determined by race I will never understand. Hot is relative, I get that, face, body type, etc. but to eliminate an entire race is racist to me. I am white, and I am strongly attracted to darker skin, but have been with men of all skin tones. I look at energy between us, if hes game, and I feel him, its on. Get over it people, you are missing out on the rest of the world. lol

  • Of course it is prejudice. To say otherwise and to pretend to justify it as ‘preference’ is to miss the point. These so-called ‘preferences’ come from somewhere, and it is disturbing to see many ads that say ‘no asians or blacks’ given the stereotypes surrounding these racial groups. As an example, when gays or blacks or women are assaulted they are classified as ‘hate crimes’ and most gays would agree with this. Now one could argue that a crime is a crime is a crime. All crimes are bad and there is no reason to put some crimes in a special category. So the point is that there is social context surrounding these so-called ‘preferences’. Perhaps everyone should take some alone time to do some introspection and question the things we all take for granted. Ask yourself why you are attracted to this person but not that person. After all, an unexamined life is not a life worth living.

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