So many times I read in a guy’s online profile the statement about how a particular type of guy they’d like to hook up with can go to the “front of the line”. Seriously? These guys have lines? This has me thinking about such men and how they portray themselves either unwittingly or on purpose. Then of course I start to consider myself, because as a red-blooded American gay man, it’s all about me, right?
The first thought that jumps into my head is: Who would want to get together with someone that actually has a “line” of men? I mean, consider it: yes, men are pigs (yours truly included), but how many men really want to wallow with someone that appears to constantly be ankle-deep in the sloppy sex muck of a man-pigsty? (Even if ones ankles are in mid-air.). It seems to me the majority of men online really are looking for one person that will give him his undivided attention for an hour at least. There must be something more than just the opportunity to have sex with yet another man that can’t make some sort of emotional connection. Isn’t there? (Never mind…that’s a different rant.) I find it difficult to perform when the other guy has an eye on the clock possibly waiting for his next encounter. Or worse…when you can hear the telltale sound announcing that he has a new message from the same online site you met coming from the other room. You can just tell he’s itching to go find out who sent it. Talk about pressure!
How do these lines form? Are men quietly waiting their turn at his front door? It sounds like it to me. I would be worried that if there was a line, and someone had the “qualification” and jumped to the front, would there be an argument about it? Wouldn’t the neighbors complain about the noise? I can see it now…
“Hey! I was here first!”
“I can jump to the front of the line. He said ‘uncut to the front of the line’.”
“Prove it!” (Pause) “Oh. Yeah, you’re right. My bad. I’ll wait.”
I think I’d be afraid that they would decide they like each other and leave arm in arm.
Okay, back to me and some form of reality. Am I jealous that some men have lines and I don’t? I must admit, it is a possibility. I can imagine somewhere in the distant past of online profiles that some really hot, buff, muscular guy that had a pumped-up ego to match his physic and could be extremely picky said it and it got copied by another guy, and then another, and so on. But have you noticed who uses that phrase now? Think of a paper of some sort that has been copied so many times because the original master copy was used by some selfish idiot at the office. It’s blurred. The writing is almost illegible. I look at some of the pics on the profiles that specify “front of the line” and to me these men look…okay I’ll say it…average! How can the guys that look so average manage to get a line to form? Or even seem to know that they can have a line? Should I ask them their secret? I mean, come on! I’m about as average as you can get! Maybe the truth is that deep down, I want a line of my own. But again reality kicks in and I ask myself: What if I gave a line and nobody came? Naturally I mean this in both senses of the definition.