After spending many years on online gay hook-up sites, I believe I have finally learned some rules for successfully meeting up with other men. Gay men are a fickle bunch as a whole and in a perfect world probably none of these tips would apply. Although there can be many more added, following are some of the basic rules for making yourself more marketable online and getting those men to want to meet up with you:
- Be witty and clever when describing yourself and why you are online in the first place. Don’t say you are online because you are “bored”. No one really likes the idea that they are simply saving you from spending another tedious evening at home and you don’t want him to know the true reasons you’re alone anyway. Be sure not to describe yourself as “down to earth”. Instead of how everyone else might understand its definition, the actual meaning in gayspeak apparently is “high-maintenance”.
-Learn the correct spelling and usage of the word “discreet” (not “discrete”). The rule of thumb is that anyone that uses the word is cheating on somebody anyway. Nobody likes an ignorant cheater. Look the two words up online and show that you’re an educated cheater.
-Dump the “bi” description…unless at least one of your last five sexual partners was a biological female (particularly if you are a married man), chances are it’s no longer accurate. Use the beautiful woman/average man test: Go out in public and wait for a really beautiful woman to pass by…as you watch her walking and if an average-looking man crosses her path going the opposite direction and your gaze automatically switches to him instead, it’s a good bet the “bi” label no longer applies.
-Be honest. Don’t shave a few years off your age and pounds from your weight, unless you are already under 25 and are not more than 150 pounds. Anyone under 25 is always the exception to any rule.
-When it comes to physical appearance, be careful with the use of the word “average” or “swimmers build”. These days, waist sizes over 40 inches can be “average” and even a whale has a “swimmers build”. It’s all relative. Also, having been forced to play Little League as a child by a homophobic father does not make one “athletic”. Remove any reference to “masculine”. The fact is no one is truly masculine looking with their legs in the air
- Keep your standards high, regardless of how you look, be sure to only specify that a guy you’ll accept is muscular, smooth, outgoing, young, and of course, attractive. Make it clear that you’ll only accept perfection as far as looks go from the other person. (This is a joke by the way…)
- Be sure to keep your options open; say you are really looking for a long term relationship but slip in the line “but occasional hookups are ok”. This allows you to date someone and let them know you are serious.
- I suggest you to have a face pic in your profile or one in your “private” pictures at least. Face pics are important for the other guy to imagine what you might look like as you are making passionate expressions just inches above his forehead. It is recommended the pic be recent and clear. Don’t use old pictures of yourself or one that is either very small or taken from a far away distance.
-Specify if you are a “top” , “versatile” or “bottom” when it comes to sex and have pictures that reflect that. If you are top and your main picture is your ass, good luck !
So, there you have it. This is just the basics and as time goes on, you’ll probably find your own rules more suited for your own personal tastes. I know I continue to refine mine and will happily report them as I figure them out. Until then, good luck and happy surfing! Let us know if you have other interesting rules and we can add them….
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