6 Dec 2012

A4A : Online Profile Tips

Category: A4A


After spending many years on online gay hook-up sites, I believe I have finally learned some rules for successfully meeting up with other men. Gay men are a fickle bunch as a whole and in a perfect world probably none of these tips would apply. Although there can be many more added, following are some of the basic rules for making yourself more marketable online and getting those men to want to meet up with you:

- Be witty and clever when describing yourself and why you are online in the first place. Don’t say you are online because you are “bored”.  No one really likes the idea that they are simply saving you from spending another tedious evening at home and you don’t want him to know the true reasons you’re alone anyway.  Be sure not to describe yourself as “down to earth”.  Instead of how everyone else might understand its definition, the actual meaning in gayspeak apparently is “high-maintenance”.

-Learn the correct spelling and usage of the word “discreet” (not “discrete”).  The rule of thumb is that anyone that uses the word is cheating on somebody anyway.  Nobody likes an ignorant cheater.  Look the two words up online and show that you’re an educated cheater.

-Dump the “bi” description…unless at least one of your last five sexual partners was a biological female (particularly if you are a married man), chances are it’s no longer accurate.  Use the beautiful woman/average man test:  Go out in public and wait for a really beautiful woman to pass by…as you watch her walking and if an average-looking man crosses her path going the opposite direction and your gaze automatically switches to him instead, it’s a good bet the “bi” label no longer applies.

-Be honest. Don’t shave a few years off your age and pounds from your weight, unless you are already under 25 and are not more than 150 pounds.  Anyone under 25 is always the exception to any rule.

-When it comes to physical appearance, be careful with the use of the word “average” or “swimmers build”.  These days, waist sizes over 40 inches can be “average” and even a whale has a “swimmers build”.  It’s all relative.  Also, having been forced to play Little League as a child by a homophobic father does not make one “athletic”.  Remove any reference to “masculine”. The fact is no one is truly masculine looking with their legs in the air

- Keep your standards high, regardless of how you look, be sure to only specify that a guy you’ll accept is muscular, smooth, outgoing, young, and of course, attractive. Make it clear that you’ll only accept perfection as far as looks go from the other person. (This is a joke by the way…)

- Be sure to keep your options open; say you are really looking for a long term relationship but slip in the line “but occasional hookups are ok”.  This allows you to date someone and let them know you are serious.

- I suggest you to have a face pic in your profile or one in your “private” pictures at least.  Face pics are important for the other guy to imagine what you might look like as you are making passionate expressions just inches above his forehead.  It is recommended the pic be recent and clear. Don’t use old pictures of yourself or one that is either very small or taken from a far away distance.

-Specify if you are a “top” , “versatile” or “bottom” when it comes to sex and have pictures that reflect that. If you are top and your main picture is your ass, good luck !

So, there you have it. This is just the basics and as time goes on, you’ll probably find your own rules more suited for your own personal tastes.  I know I continue to refine mine and will happily report them as I figure them out. Until then, good luck and happy surfing! Let us know if you have other interesting rules and we can add them….

Make sure to also check out our Safety Tips here!

Now login A4A and have fun !

A4A team

45 comments for A4A : Online Profile Tips

  • thanks great tips

  • This has got to be the dumbest damn post yet.

    Right of the bat, I am a bi masculine man who is very discrete.
    I fuck both men and woman and can find each one attractive. Since I am not out and don’t intend to be, I will always be discrete.

    PS> there are some very, very masculine men who throw their legs in the air. I know, I have fucked them and I am not at all attracted to fat, fem or flaming guys. I can get a woman I don’t need a man who acts like one!

    Enough said.

  • ….Oh and if your SN says “George1979″ or “Stud78″, or “guy77″ or “Sexyjuan78″ don’t put on your profile that you’re 29 because it’s quite obvious to everyone that you’re atleast 33yrs-old dude. It’d rather you’re 33 than feel like you’re lying from the get-go.

  • I think the most valuable piece of advice you (inadvertently) gave in this article was to “refine your profile as you figure it out”. As we learn more about ourselves, we change; our tastes changes, our physicality changes; it ALL changes and it’s important that our profile is updated to reflect the same.

    And for Pete’s sake, people, have pics in your profile. lol

  • Perfect list with a touch of cheeky humor. Most guys write their profile describing themselves without realizing it. They want an average, masculine guy who’s attractive, and loves to sit at home cuddling. It’s the saddest profile description ever. They are waiting for someone to save them from their own boring life or at least share in the boredom with them.

  • State what you are looking FOR, not what you are NOT looking for. Looks better than being a ‘negative nancy’.

    In general, the more negativity in your profile, the fewer men you will attract.

    It’s 2012, no excuses at all for not having pictures. If you say you don’t have any, or no face pic, we all know it’s totally your choice, not by any lack of camera device.

    Don’t post thumbnail sized pictures… you know, the ones that come up even smaller when you click on them than the one in your profile gallery. Repeated shots of a similar view don’t help either, have some variety.

    Use your phone to take a decent pic, and don’t just use the first one you take… take a bunch and select a few of the best. Better yet, have someone else take them for you in natural light, so you don’t appear orange in your bathroom mirror.

    Oh, and take note of what is in the background… I’ve seen some very messy bathrooms/bedrooms/basements.

  • Great Article. I would like to add that if you have any physical challenges that you say it up front. Like ” Having a Penis that sometimes get hard “, ” Having false teeth ” , and ” Having one leg ” etc.

    Some of those things could be deal breakers for alot of people and a man shouldn’t wait until the person comes over to spill the beans.

    Sidebar : A mam with no teeth is great for oral…lol

  • Well said.

    Also remove, “…to the front of the line”. You know there is no line unless one is delusional.

  • Sooo, I gotta say that this is probably one of the most entertaining posts I’ve read on here. Not because I think it’s bullshit, quite the opposite actually. It’s ironically funny, because I know some guys reading this are going to think, “Oh, well the writer is just stuck up” or some non-sense like that, but in all honesty and fairness, it’s a biased essay on very REAL points. And it’s biased in a good way. I applaud you for this, not just for it’s entertainment value, but for actually pointing out some huge problems someone like me encounters on a regular basis. Cheers to you. :PP

  • Also, be sure to be hyper-critical of other gay people and emphasize how boring, ugly, old or full of games EVERYONE on the site is, except for you.

  • Very helpful….

  • The whole bisexuality thing is getting old.
    As a community we always wonder why we aren’t on the same playing field or have all the same privileges as everyone else.
    But there are people that say “bisexuality doesn’t even exist” within the community.
    So sad.
    You of all people should know that there isn’t a binary sexual preference

  • A4A SHOULD BAN close-up pictures of members wearing sunglasses, pictures of members posing at some tourist spot and taken from a mile away (wearing sunglasses on top of that), 10 same pictures of their chest or other body parts, 50 pictures of themselves totally dressed. I cannot believe that there are guys that label these kind of picture as private and are so demanding about seeing one’s pix or coming up with some weird-ass requirements about meeting up when they’re not even showing anything! This is A4A people and we don’t care about your vacationing habits. Just leave those pix for Facebook!…I’m just ranting…LOL

  • great post

  • Yes, a thousand times yes on all those points! May I add a few more?
    - If you’re over 30 and the word ‘boy’ is part of your screen name (especially if it’s spelled ‘boi’), you might want to think about a change. You are a MAN, enjoy it! Clinging to the childish term just makes you look immature. After 40 it’s just sad.
    - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t need you to tell me how VGL you are. Yes, I wear glasses, but they work well. Spending half your profile talking about how handsome you think you are does tell me a lot about you, but not what you think.
    -Profile photos should be taken at the beginning of a wild weekend. Not at the end.
    - We all have preferences as to what physical traits we find attractive. We are also all individuals deserving of respect. There is no need to go into great detail about the kinds of men you aren’t attracted to. It makes you look narrow minded. If someone you don’t find attractive hits you up, simply say you aren’t interested (politely) and move on. And PLEASE don’t list entire ethniç groups as unwanted, even with the disclaimer “I’m not prejudiced, its just a preference”. A preference based only on normal physical characteristics IS PREJUDICE.
    - Profiles where the guy goes on and on about who he won’t meet, what he won’t do, and a detailed list of all the reasons he might block you manage to be both boring and annoying. Keep it positive. Keep it light. Keep it GAY!

  • You forgot to talk about the choice of screennames. I would add don’t choose a screenname that conveys the obvious. For example, if you live in seattle and are a gay man, don’t use seagayguy. It’s already obvious and makes you appear to be a dullard. Instead use the opportunity to say something about yourself that can’t be found already in your profile. Also, the use mild to wild is way too common and only makes you seem mild.

  • This last tip was my favorite by far: “Specify if you are a “top” , “versatile” or “bottom” when it comes to sex and have pictures that reflect that. If you are top and your main picture is your ass, good luck !”

    As a bottom, I HATE it when a guy’s main profile pic is a beautiful dick, then when I go read his profile he says he’s looking for a top. WTF is up with that? You’re playing to the wrong audience moron!

  • Bisexuality isn’t a label, it’s a sexuality and an identity. Don’t you fucking tell me how to define myself. Bisexuality is not qualified by an attraction to cis-female. This is just another prime example of ignorance and discrimination within the queer community. There’s more than the LG in LGBTQIA

  • Good list. I also hate when I see guys who say they are “discrete.” I generally ask “So what are you discrete from?” If they still don’t get it (and most don’t), I kinda lose interest in talking with them.

    “Masculine” is a word with such broad meaning that it is meaningLESS for any useful purposes. Better to say what specifically you’re looking for (“I like a man who is covered in hair” or “I like a guy who likes sports” for example). What I think is “masculine”and what you think is “masculine” is unlikely to be the same thing.

    Also, you pic shouldn’t just match your stated position preference, it should match your profile in general. I’ve seen more than a few cock pics attached to profiles that read “Only looking for friends.” Really?

  • It should also include to not lie about the size of your cock. I don’t know how many times I’ve chatted with guys that say that they’re 7-8″ and when I’ve meet up with them they’re the same size I am and I’m only 6″. If you can’t be honest about your age, weight, and clock size who knows what else your lying about.

  • LMAO, “Bubba” is a case in point on the “discrete/discreet” thing.

    Here’s another one that bugs me. The profile pic that is nothing but a shot of the torso (waist to neck) in a loose t-shirt. Don’t want to show your face? Ok, fine. Don’t want to show your body? Ok, fine, but if your pic shows NEITHER your face nor body, why bother to post it to begin with?

  • I’ve also wondered why there is an option for a 20″ dick? Seriously?

  • Play safe guys.

    I no longer put any face pics in my profile(s) after a “person” I met online threatened to “…stab my face with a screwdriver…”, when I refused to bring him a pack of smokes to what would have been our first in person meeting…


  • Someone will have to come over here and pick me up of the damn floor, I cannot stop laughing at all the comments.

    Like taking a hot poker and sticking the bisexual folks. Damn, very very angry bisexual folks we have commenting. Interestingly, I find it very disturbing when someone is bisexual that you can tell your boyfriend about your girlfriend, but you cannot tell your girlfriend about your boyfriend. And the deceit… pathetic. One of my best friend just found out her boyfriend of 5 years is gay… and she had some choice words for all of us (gays and bisexuals), since she had to go through a thousand and one test, plus deal with psychotheraphy.

  • I don’t know why it is not ok to describe yourself as bi. Come on guys. Although I agree it doesn’t make sense to put on a4a, a site to meet guys, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be attracted to men and women. I’ve noticed that I tend to lean towards men who have a decent description of themselves and their goals, or something that that are really interested in that is easy to converse about such as being a fan of sports, eating healthy, art etc. I can’t get myself to meet up if you can’t even hold a decent conversation online because I worry about what will happen when we do meet up? It’s all about being honest and open, describe yourself in a way that you hope others will see you. :)

  • Dont say you’re a college student when you’re 28+ years old. No explanation needed.

  • Are we taking votes on the stupidest post of 2012? Because this one has my vote.

    1) So what if you’re bi? You like cock as much as you like pussy. Okay. What’s with the hate, A4A Team?

    2) It doesn’t matter how old you are, if you’re attending college, you’re a college student. So deal with it, Srvguy.

    3) While I agree in part that you need to market to your audience if you’re a top/bottom/versatile, keep in mind that we see photos that belie those roles in porn. Do you know why some porn studio take pics of their total tops (or power bottoms) showing off their asses (or cocks)? Because it’s a means to tantalize their viewers — maybe this time the top will bottom, or the power bottom will power top! So if you’re a top and you show off your ass in a pic, so what? Maybe you like getting rimmed. Or maybe it’s to point out to the bottoms you’re going to fuck that they’re going to have something to hang on to when they’re getting railed, lol.

    But anyway…ridiculous post overall. This is the best you could do?

  • The actual meaning of “down to earth” is “boring as watching paste dry” (no, not “paint”… at least paint comes in colors…paste).

  • You forgot the most important one:
    if you put “not looking for sex/hookups,” and you’re on a site like this… then you’ve just proven yourself to either have a denial complex, or be a pathological liar.

  • This was a very good post ! :D

  • I logg on frm time to time, sometimes more frequent than others and I see the same men again and again. They don’t realize they stand in their own way of happiness w/ the laundry list of demands posted in their profile. Shame!

  • i hate when they say they are discreet and there are no pics. I rather be honest and opinated. The tips are very helpful to people who dont know what to put in their profile. always have a pic its 2012 going to be 2013

  • Srvguy you sound stupid as fuck
    Please go home you’re drunk!!

  • @Osei, I would guess bis are angry for the same reason that blacks are angry: being treated like shit and even told you’re nonexistent generally does make a person feel happy and whimsical.

    Think about that: is there a way to make anyone feel more worthless than by telling them they don’t even EXIST? The backwards bigotry that bisexuals face is truly sad. Alfred Kinsey’s scientific study explaining the sexual spectrum is over 60 years old, and we still have people denying the existence of bisexuality. Pretty ignorant.

    The author of this article should note that just because a guy hasn’t hooked up with a girl recently does not mean his bisexuality is nonexistent That’s is why most bi men (who are out ) end up being functionally gay: no girls wants to be with a man whose fucked more dudes than she has. Whereas, gay guys are intrigued by the idea. That difference doesn’t mean that a bisexual guy is no longer bi. It’s just that. Guys willing to fuck out and closeted bi guys are easy to find and easy to fuck. Girls willing to fuck out bi guys are almost nonexistent.

  • …generally doesn *NOT* make a person feel happy, I meant.

  • Ok I have to say great tips I want to add say what you want and not what you don’t want. Also stay away from lists and preferences in your profile. It makes you look like an asshole and most of the times ignorant. This happens all the time people have a list of what they want or their preferences in people and I’m not on it but they email me. I say “but I’m not on your list” They say “But you’re hot, You’re the exception, or those are just preferences I’m open to others” Guess what my response is? BLOCK! End of story. Gay guys need more community and lists or preferences on race, age and all there “types” only separate us more. In my experience (and this may be only for me) Masculine is always a good thing in my profile. 9 out of 10 of my responses are people saying. “I’m glad I finally found a masculine guy” or “there are no masculine guys around that is why I hit you up” so the masculine thing I guess it works if you are truly masculine as I am. Also being bi is always a huge reason people hit me up maybe they like the idea of me being bi and macho verses feminine. This might be specific to me but I am also Extremely muscular way beyond the average in shape guy and my pictures show it so those words combined with my physique is probably why they work for me! Also

  • AJ: I think you take it too personal…calm down

  • Everyone STFU and quit trying to tell everyone else how to behave online. Fuk I didn’t know our nagging ass moms were gonna be watching over our shoulder as we cruise for Cock!

  • @Blog you’re representing a site that has many bisexual men and you’re discrediting their sexually, you sound prejudiced. Why shouldn’t this be taken personally? :(

  • It would be nice if A4A allowed a bit more space in the profile… I don’t want to read a novel, but 550 characters doesn’t allow for much, despite the efforts of some to abbreviate many of the words ;)


  • @ DK… your response made me laugh, well said sir. I couldn’t have put it into better words.

  • Thanks DK for hitting the nail on the head. Generally, men are generally more willing than women to have multiple sex partners no strings attached. For the bi guy, especially for the closeted bi married guy, this makes all the difference.

    And bi marrieds might be in different places in their relationship at different times. Sometimes there is a dry spell at home that is filled with more sex from the other side.

    Given these conditions, the fact that the last five people you had sex with were men hardly disqualifies you from being bisexual, and in fact, there are some to many bisexuals who never express both sides of their sexuality, often because of their marriage.

    I agree though that it is not necessarily a good idea to put “bi” in your profile. First of all, despite some interest in bisexuality, most gay men just assume you are gay anyway, and are not interested in the fact you are or might be interested in women as well. Additionally, the bias against bisexuals is likely to work against you. I had to endure a diatribe from one fellow as to how I wasn’t really bi when all I wanted was to have sex. I deleted it from my profile, although it remained in my user name. (I also made the mistake one commenter mentioned of making my name as descriptive of myself as “Seattle Gay Guy.” Oh well.)

    And no, “Blog”, I don’t think AJ took it too personal and needs to calm down. His points were calmly and rationally stated. You point about bisexuality was stupid and could have been better made as I made it above instead of displaying gay bias.

  • Former1214, I think you didnt get that this whole post is a bit of a joke….

  • I just want to clarify something about Bisexuality.
    The term includes the attraction to both male and female EITHER sexually OR emotionally.

    Sexuality is fluid to be honest. I started off liking girls in every way possible and din’t actually think about boys till i was about 11 or 12 onwards. For me it depends totally on the individual i’m faced with. I like certain women, but not every woman. I like certain men, but not every man.

    Bisexuality DOES NOT MEAN PROMISCUOUSITY nor does it equate to infidelity. Some of us would just like a straightforward, monogamous relationship with an individual we can grow old with. Sorry if that sounds too conventional.

  • As a guy who identifies himself as bisexual, i too bristled a little at that bit about its nonexistence when i read it. All us bi dudes did, and I strongly believe that’s a reaction to hearing this shit from fellow members of our own ‘community’ so goddamned frequently we’re a bit quick to go on the defensive. “Born This Way” was such a massive thing among so many gay guys as a call to unity and equality among people of all sexual orientations…. “we were BORN THIS WAY, goddammit!!! oh but fuck you, bisexuals. You couldn’t have been born THAT way. For a demographic as defensive about their right to love whomever they want, and say that their orientation is not a choice, they sure do love to attack ours. I don’t claim to know why this occurs so often, and i honestly don’t even care. Just stop doing it. The hypocrisy of it seems pretty clear cut to me and do you really want to be that kind of person? Just stop.

    I’m sorry, I had to go soapbox there for a moment. That’s not anger, thats passion born from injustice. Don’t claim to unquestionably know a person’s psyche and their motives better than the person themself. Especially strangers on the internet.

    Then, after reading through some of the comments for awhile, it dawned on me that this article is meant to be parody. When there’s a rule about not making rules in your list of rules on a list of rules ABOUT a list of rules, you….. oh fuck this i’m going to bed. Funny article though. :)

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