Being gay isn’t what it used to and technology has clearly made it a whole new ball game when its come to finding men in your area. In days of old homosexual men would go to “tea rooms” which typically were an establishment in England that acted as a gay bar serving tea. There was no pink triangles or rainbow flags but instead a fresh bed of pansies were planted out front. A lot of the names used as taunts got their usage from gay history.
But where does that leave us today? Today we log onto Adam4Adam or activate our cell GPS and use one of the many apps to find someone near us. New people sign-up for these services and find themselves on the threshold to the gay digital frontier with no idea what to do or where to go everyday. So as a crash course for both old queens and young chickens here are a few things to always keep in mind.
When it boils down to it, no one wants an unknown product in their home or life. Yes we are people, BUT if you don’t have a picture… chances are you’re not gonna get any notice. It’s 2013. EVERY digital device that can log on these days has a camera in it. You have no excuse anymore. But you have a picture you say, and still you don’t get any attention anymore? Well how current is that picture? If people see the same pic for 4 years……At the very least you should update your default picture and profile information once every few months.
Well it shows people how you are changing as a person and it may not be a huge change but a few lines changed, or a new pic of you and your new favorite shirt, but most importantly it shows your individuality. Which brings me to the second point.
People are more than their profiles and there is no such thing as a “wrong place”
When I look around on profiles a lot of the time I see a picture but no information. Now when you have VERY limited space like one of the popular apps, people can let that slide. But typically people just put “ask me”, but then of course once you show interest, they never respond…..There is no such thing as a “wrong place” for something. Adam4adam isn’t the “wrong place” to simply talk to people. Yes sex is main stage but that’s not all it’s about. You can get just as many sex offers on A4A as you could a serious “dating site”.
We exist in a digital age that gives us the ability to communicate with people on the other side of the globe in moments. If you see a man and he actually seems interesting don’t just write it off. Message him. Now lets say that you find a guy and his profile is witty, you like the same bands and are close, but he’s not a porn model and weighs 250 lbs. I don’t see a problem…. which leads us to a last and very important point.
Perception, manners, respect & dignity
I recently talked with someone who just came out and signed up for A4A. He did very well and posted a few cute pictures and a nice little profile and he was instantly swarmed with messages. After about a week of this we talked again only for me to find out that he deleted his account. When I asked him why, his excuse was a valid and sadly true one. He was bombarded with nice messages at first, but as time went on and more piled up he started getting new messages from missed people who were trashing him for not responding.
Today it’s hard for young gays to come out still but hard for a new reason. A lot of the times when someone is majorly hurt on your way into the gay world it’s done by other gays. To be thrust into a self hating world is not how people need to see the gay world. We are all individuals, with our own expectations, our own rules and beliefs and most importantly our own sense of value.
When messaging someone, roll a perception check and re-read their profile. While “Latino/White/Black only” is pretty ignorant it’s their preference and a bitchy message is just gonna cause problems, this goes double for “No fatties, no one over 30, ect.”. Respect them and yourself enough to just ignore them.Or say someone doesn’t respect you and messages you anyway. Have the dignity and manners to make your mama proud. Be polite and just talk to them, just because someone is talking to you doesn’t mean they want in your pants.
And most importantly Self Worth. We are all amazing individuals and can do anything when we are in a loving environment, surrounded by supportive people. Not one of us is worth more than the other, regardless of looks, knowledge, age, race, sexuality or even fashion sense.
“We accept the love we think we deserve” . So don’t give up and always remember that not everyone JUST wants to have sex with you. Someone may be interested in what lies in your head more than what’s in your pants you just need to find it and never lose faith and support of yourself.