26 Feb 2013

Gay Stuff : Being Gay Today, Tricks, Tips & Mythos

Category: Gay Stuff

Being gay isn’t what it used to and technology has clearly made it a whole new ball game when its come to finding men in your area. In days of old homosexual men would go to “tea rooms” which typically were an establishment in England that acted as a gay bar serving tea. There was no pink triangles or rainbow flags but instead a fresh bed of pansies were planted out front. A lot of the names used as taunts got their usage from gay history.

But where does that leave us today? Today we log onto Adam4Adam or activate our cell GPS and use one of the many apps to find someone near us. New people sign-up for these services and find themselves on the threshold to the gay digital frontier with no idea what to do or where to go everyday. So as a crash course for both old queens and young chickens here are a few things to always keep in mind. 

Advertising is everything

When it boils down to it, no one wants an unknown product in their home or life. Yes we are people, BUT if you don’t have a picture… chances are you’re not gonna get any notice. It’s 2013. EVERY digital device that can log on these days has a camera in it. You have no excuse anymore. But you have a picture you say, and still you don’t get any attention anymore? Well how current is that picture? If people see the same pic for 4 years……At the very least you should update your default picture and profile information once every few months.

Why?

Well it shows people how you are changing as a person and it may not be a huge change but a few lines changed, or a new pic of you and your new favorite shirt, but most importantly it shows your individuality. Which brings me to the second point.

People are more than their profiles and there is no such thing as a “wrong place”

When I look around on profiles a lot of the time I see a picture but no information. Now when you have VERY limited space like one of the popular apps, people can let that slide. But typically people just put “ask me”, but then of course once you show interest, they never respond…..There is no such thing as a “wrong place” for something. Adam4adam isn’t the “wrong place” to simply talk to people. Yes sex is main stage but that’s not all it’s about. You can get just as many sex offers on A4A as you could a serious “dating site”.

We exist in a digital age that gives us the ability to communicate with people on the other side of the globe in moments. If you see a man and he actually seems interesting don’t just write it off. Message him. Now lets say that you find a guy and his profile is witty, you like the same bands and are close, but he’s not a porn model and weighs 250 lbs. I don’t see a problem…. which leads us to a last and very important point.

Perception, manners, respect & dignity 

I recently talked with someone who just came out and signed up for A4A. He did very well and posted a few cute pictures and a nice little profile and he was instantly swarmed with messages. After about a week of this we talked again only for me to find out that he deleted his account. When I asked him why, his excuse was a valid and sadly true one. He was bombarded with nice messages at first, but as time went on and more piled up he started getting new messages from missed people who were trashing him for not responding.

Today it’s hard for young gays to come out still but hard for a new reason. A lot of the times when someone is majorly hurt on your way into the gay world it’s done by other gays. To be thrust into a self hating world is not how people need to see the gay world. We are all individuals, with our own expectations, our own rules and beliefs and most importantly our own sense of value.

When messaging someone, roll a perception check and re-read their profile. While “Latino/White/Black only” is pretty ignorant it’s their preference and a bitchy message is just gonna cause problems, this goes double for “No fatties, no one over 30, ect.”. Respect them and yourself enough to just ignore them.Or say someone doesn’t respect you and messages you anyway. Have the dignity and manners to make your mama proud. Be polite and just talk to them, just because someone is talking to you doesn’t mean they want in your pants.

And most importantly Self Worth. We are all amazing individuals and can do anything when we are in a loving environment, surrounded by supportive people. Not one of us is worth more than the other, regardless of looks, knowledge, age, race, sexuality or even fashion sense.

“We accept the love we think we deserve” . So don’t give up and always remember that not everyone JUST wants to have sex with you. Someone may be interested in what lies in your head more than what’s in your pants you just need to find it and never lose faith and support of yourself.

Drake aka Crayak on A4A

21 comments for Gay Stuff : Being Gay Today, Tricks, Tips & Mythos

  • Definitely well written. You made many valid points and brought tears to my eyes. Kudos to you Drake.

  • Great article. How refreshing to see someone with some sense. And great closing quote, Charlie ;)

  • I lost you at “pansies,” “old queens,” and “young chickens!”

  • WOW. Couldn’t have said it better myself. I wish it was some requirement for all users of this site to read this article.

  • Well said Drake. My profile on A4A says everything about me honestly. I don’t lie about my age which I know that alot of guys do. I am 49 y/o and proud of it. I have been out and proud since I was 17 and have never disregarded another person because of their age or looks. I have always looked at others from the inside out. And to all of those snooty chickens our there, you too will be 49 one day. Take the time to get to know someone before you pass judgement.

  • It seems that people get on this site looking for Mr. Perfect….he must have perfect abs, perfect hair, perfect dick, perfect clothes, etc. When are fags going to realize that THEY are not perfect, so why demand that in their search????

  • So let’s expand this some … for the sake of conversation. Let’s say that posting a profile that’s “a few cute pictures and a nice little profile” that includes “your favorite shirt” isn’t you. Oh, so is NOT you. Let’s say you’re not the stereotype that that profile leads us to believe that “BEING GAY TODAY” is all about? Let’s say you’re not urban, young, single, or trendy when it comes to fashion.

    Let’s say you’re older. Maybe 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, more “experienced”, more “seasoned”? Let’s say you’re a father, a husband, an ex-husband. Let’s say you have a professional career. Let’s say you could give a hoot about fashion, you NEVER exfoliate, you use DIAL soap in the shower, you shave with disposable razors, you buy your clothes at stores like Kohls, Target, kMart, Sears or JCP. And let’s say….

    you like to be “close” friends with, emotionally involved with, and yes have GREAT “workbench-breaking” sex with … men.

    Most people would say “you are gay”. So then what?

  • List what you DO like, not what you DON’T like. No one likes a ‘negative nancy’ or antagonistic profile.

    Example: if you prefer not to date a certain age range, just state what ages that you prefer… this way you don’t insult anyone. Same goes for race, body type, ‘scene’, etc.

    Sounds simple, but so many guys just rage about what they don’t like… I’m sure that gets them lots of dates ;)

  • America is coming out of the closet! And Europe has been out for centuries! Every week some major personality announces to the world of there Gayness! And, everybody is experimenting try’n to decide just what camp to land in? And the answer is : YOU DON”T HAVE TO DECIDE! Just enjoy what comes your way! Personally, I feel Monogamy is passé-obsolete! It causes a lot of pain, and was mostly for the children who don’t care! Children just want stability with out caring much what kind of stability! Kids don’t see color or sex till it’s taught to them! They just love everybody…So it’s going to be a Bi-World , with straight & gay being enchant camps of the past…A world of Just SEXY LOVING PEOPLE!

  • No comment

  • You left me in days of old homosexual men. It should have been “In days of old, homosexual men . . .

  • Great article and well said!

  • Thank You.

  • i think every member on A4A should be required 2 read this b 4 they r allowed 2 put a profile on.i hit up on lots of guys here.if u r not interested just say no thanks i’m not interested.if u dont say preferences on yer profile and i like what i see i may hit up on u,dont block me without saying something

  • the internet is fine in and of itself. I think guys in general have gotten way picky about what they want–the profiles read like laundry lists (“younger/older than me”
    “smooth only”, “no one over 40″ and on and on). No; don’t have sex with anyone you’re not attracted to. But too many of us have cut all our options way short. We’ve convinced ourselves that we can’t enjoy sex unless our partners are physically perfect and meet all our criteria. There are very few perfect men out there. And then I see the same guys every single night, on all the websites. I think they’re looking for the perfect, fantasy men. And they’re not getting it–that’s a clue guys! I love playing around in the internet, I won’t condemn it. But I do much better overall the old-fashioned way–going out, meeting in person, flirting, talking to guys. Better luck than the internet every time. And I keep all my options open…the “imperfect” guys are way more interesting.

  • Wow…you did an outstanding job on presenting these points! Especially with your last point on “preferences” and such. Thought I was the only homosexual that thought that was unacceptable. Good job, Crayak!

  • The article, brief as it was, caught many points, in particular those about our treatment of each other. I can re-emphasize the point about polite response. One guy, I agreed with but suggested he be more humane in his phrasing. He made racist and other immature remarks and then blocked me. Another guy, I acknowledged his right to preferences, but rephrase because it would make him appear other than the good guy he is. Sadly, each guy he got with hurt him, but we’re friends. Like you said, maybe somebody just wants to be friends. Rest assured, true colors come out. I know I get peeved when I get hit up by someone who obviously didn’t read my profile, but I try to be polite so they back away without being hurt. The golden rule applies, especially because we need each other. We must remember, there’s a human behind each profile–and a heart in every body, no matter what age or size.

  • Be Honest and Give us all Respect

  • @Hunter0500

    It doesn’t make a difference how old you are or how old you look. Being gay isn’t a style or an appearance. Having a favorite shirt doesn’t make people gay, just means you like that shirt. (Those little “cute” remarks were just humor flares.

    Work on building your net hunter. There are plenty of sites and apps that cater to “real men”. Just means you haven’t found the right market yet. A lot of them are very inspiring and positive. Keep looking and always believe in yourself :)

  • Hey Crayak,
    Truth be told, I have a great “net” of men, blessed really. And they are quality guys. Careers, morals, manners. I get to meet with them, talk, and have great sex regularly. None of them, however, meets the stereotype often pushed here.

    And those guys even have their “nets” of their own.

    I’ve met a few of them … here … on A4A (including my #1 bud). Guess that means the often pushed idea that “gays” are young, smooth, urban, trendy doesn’t hold up.

  • @ disenchantedfag,
    where have you been, its not an A4A only. Clubs, bars, cruising adult book stores, any place outside of your door. Maybe even inside your own home/apartment :-/

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