3 Mar 2013

Gay Stuff : A Throuple?

Category: Gay Stuff

Recently I met an interesting guy through a friend and we were talking over drinks at a house party. During the conversation I asked him what his relationship status is. I was surprised when he told me he was in a ‘throuple’. I have heard of throuples but I don’t know anyone in such a relationship so I wanted to know more about it. He said he met his boyfriends few months ago and that they were looking for another guy that they could both date as a couple, not a houseboy or sex toy, an equal partner. He also told me that their throuple was monogamous, that they were having sex all together or 1/1. He also told me that the original couple have been together for many years and wanted to spice things up.

Have you ever been in a throuple? Is it something you would like to experience?

g skorich aka eastvalleyoral

55 comments for Gay Stuff : A Throuple?

  • Count me in please, sounds hot to me.

  • Troufle oh, what a trouble! Why do gays complicate the already complicated lifestyles?

  • I don’t think I could do this. Man even having a 3some with one of my old “boyfriends” made me jealous. I like to have a single partner and give them my undivided attention. I’m not one for seeing or allowing my boyfriend to top much less bottom another dude.

  • That is a three-sum not a trouple…

  • I would be willing to try being in a throuple, but how would one arrange such a thing?

  • Another example of gay men who can’t stay monogamous. But like many manipulative gay men, trying to convince others (and themselves, most importantly) that this form of 3some is not a 3some, not “cheating” or otherwise thinking with their dicks.

  • Not suprising at all. Many men, and those who have thought out their sex lives, share. Monogamy is the way to go for those who want it. That’s a social demand. Fine if it’s what the couple wants.

    Many guys (even heteros) don’t. In the gay world, a throuple is understandable. Even larger numbers … formally closed or “for the most part” closed would be understandable.

    I play with several guys. May of us play one-on-one with each other or in multiples with each other as schedules allow. Some of us are couples who play with the rest of us. We do sometimes invite a new player in, but not without really some good advanced thought if he’d be a solid member of the team.

    Monogamous couple, throuple or more … it’s all fare as long as everyone knows, is good with … and adheres to … what the rules are.

  • I have heard of it as a triad and have only known one couple. Not sure if they were monogamous.
    I see nothing wrong with it as long as all parties understand and accept the situation. Would I enter into such a relationship? Sure, but we would all have to ensure that no one felt left out of any activities, sexual or otherwise. This definitely includes social. It could be advantageous if two like opera and one does not; thus a trusted companion to go on a date with.
    None of us should judge as we do not want to be judged.whatever relationship works for people is for them to decide.
    Dave

  • when my brother was in highschool, he was in a throuple for about 5 months — was him, a girl, and another guy
    apparently (at least according to him), the sex existed only as threesomes; if only two were together, they hung out basically just as friends; the sex only existed if all three were together; ended when they all went to different colleges (also my brother’s only sexual relationship with a guy (just random fyi))
    i’ve never been in a throuple, but have bad ongoing hookup status with couples a few times… and wouldn’t ever do it again; never ended well; every single time, the couple ended up very unhappy; and two of those couples had had threesomes before and introduced a third on multiple occasions; both said adding an ongoing or repeat third with a more-than-sex aspect is what ruined it
    well, anyway; i don’t have a lot of confidence in the idea of throuples or even open relationships; pretty strictly monogamous guy here (shrug)

  • Well it just so happens that I have been in a “throuple” before. The kicker part with mine was I was dating a married straight couple. I actually loved it and wouldn’t mind being in another one if it ever presented itself again. Definitely would want it to be with a gay couple this go round lol.

  • Never heard the word “Throuple”… I’ve heard it referred to as a Triad more often.

    It’s tough enough to meet one person for a relationship… can’t really imagine a Triad…

  • Wow, timing is everything! This just happened to me about two weeks ago. I ran in to this younger guy (about 23yo, I’m 38) and we passed glances at each other, and I def stared more than he did. I absolutely love younger guys. We were both on line and he was buying a new wardrobe I was buying socks. I held the door open for him and actually helped him in to his car. When he “brushed up against my cock” I knew it was game time. As he sat in his car to give me his number I couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him(if you saw him you’d understand). He slipped me the tongue very quickly to give me a taste and said to call him at six he really wanted to chat but had to run. It was like waiting on Christmas morning. 6:00 on the dot I called him and he quickly answered. We recapped the whole store events and he admired he snuck around and followed me. I was now feeling kinda good about my self that this young stud was checking me out. All I wanted to know when I was getting in his pants(he was so fucking hot)! He explained to me he was married to a 44yo and they were looking to spice it up in the bedroom and they were married and only played upon approval of both of them, Still thinking about that hot body, and I’m in to threesomes…”WTF I’m down”. Well I went over their place and they made me dinner. We chatted about world events, and it turns out his hubby was in perfect shape being a gym owner/instructor. When we were done we sampled wines and sat making out and the sex was off the fuckin’ hook! I got to rim and deep throat both of them and wound up fucking the younger. They were going on a weekend trip and asked me to join them, their dime. How could you say no? We went skiing and retired to the bars and hotel room for some more great sex. When the weekend was over they asked me a question I’ll never for get. We got along so well, they asked if I’d “go out with them?” I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. They laid down the ground rules and I agreed. In an instant I have two new best friend who are in to what I’m in to, sex when ever I want with both or 1 on 1 and a room in their place to leave my stuff, we get along great and I’m very much accepted or fill the roll as a “third husband” I wonder if we will ever see it where more than one guy can marry in to an already married couple. I wonder if Utah has that yet? All I know is we are extremely very happy!

  • My partner and I have been together 29 years. Between years 21 and 26 we were in a Three Way relationship with a great guy. The relationship was handled as 3 equals. We all lived together and shared household duties and responsibilities. It worked really well for the whole time. Sometimes we has 3 way sex and at other times either of the two of us would pair up. Towards the very end, the 3rd person started wanting to maybe find a relationship that was just him and a significant other, so the relationship between the 3 of us came to an end and he found someone to share his life with one on one. My partner and I are completely happy back in our one on one relationship, but would gladly enter back into a threesome if we could find the right guy. The sex in a threesome was incredible and it sure made yard work go faster LOL.

  • I actually met someone on here in a throuple. He and his bf’s have been together for a few years and are very happy. I didn’t think it was weird because I have other friends who are into the poly life.

  • I’ve never been in one, but it sounds interesting. However, it seems like jealousy and division would inevitably result.

  • Surprisingly I have been in one with a straight married couple at that. It was actually a very good relationship. I’d love to have another one with a gay couple this time.

  • Why are we calling it throuple? Didnt that used to be called a triad, throuple just sounds like something that involves vomit to me…but that aside i wouldnt object to such a relationship if those involved were actually emotionally and mentally prepared for such a thing. Many people try it and jealosy gets in the way.

  • Hate to get technical, but if they are in a throuple, they are not monogamous by definition. Just sayin’. ;)

  • I don’t believe in such mess. They are just close friends I believe next thing they’ll be fighting for equal marriage laws to protect all three of them.I’m sure it could be quite fun having different partners but what happens when one loses concern about the other person. Awkward! Polygamy in a gay way lol

  • this does sound amazing and like something i would be very interested in.

  • My partner and I have considered having another guy as a third partner in our relationship. We have been together for 25 years and not planning on being with anyone else…unless we had a third whom we could both share, either together or one on one. You have to evolve to this point, or else you will never understand it. When you love someone, and you are both looking for something to bring new life into yours, this option works very well. We have had threesomes and enjoy them, and we have met at least two guys whom we wanted to become our third partner. Both, however, lived too far away to make the committment.

  • The Trouple is just not my thing. I feel at some point one of the people will feel out of the loop, or not satisfied with how things are going. This kind of relationship must be taken really seriously in order for it to work. Alot of fun at first, but will it last long term.

  • Throuple? thriple? I’m not the type of guy that has ever wanted some ersatz hetero coupling. I find it ridiculous to bring straight complexities over into a gay lifestyle. If Michael and Stephan absolutely have to play house, power to them. I can’t sleep with somebody else in my bed. As a matter of practicality, I always thought living in a faithful household with other committed guys would bring a degree of safety and peace of mind. Just agree to separate bedrooms. My fantasy was always some hairy chested, side-burned, brown hair hottie and something blonder and less hairy…..with me in the middle.

  • Gods, I hate that word. It’s like “phablet”. Also, those of us in the poly community call it a “triad” and that has seemed to have been a decent enough word to use for decades. It’s not for everyone, just like monogamy isn’t for everyone. If it works for you, good for you; chat me up so we can talk, kindred spirit to kindred spirit.

    I get VERY tired of the judgmental attitudes that so much of the gay community seems to have for people who live in alternative relationships. People, according to society, we are the very definition of alternative relationships. If it’s not for you, that’s fine, just keep it to yourself. Some of us are poly-minded. Most of us don’t look down on people who are monogamously-minded, until you get all squawky about it.

    And for the love of all that is holy, Gretchen, stop trying to make “throuple” happen! It’s not going to happen!

  • Where i am from they call them Trilationships. And it not about just about sex, its not about who is above anyone, they are all equal. My friend is in one and they all been together about 7 years now.

  • Sounds great to me. I would love to try it out.

  • Gay people who actually think that these relationships work,or that they’re even ” monogamous” ,are COMPLETELY DELUSIONAL..its bad enough that 90% of men cheat as a regular twosome..but a threesome cpl? Who the hell believes this crap?

  • This sounds interesting especially since they claim to not have sex outside of this arrangement. I think all these guys that like to “whore” around make too many excuses for their lifestyle. There are so many STD’s out there and gonorrhea are becoming drug resistant. Some argue that monogamy is unnatural. Really ? And you expect me to believe it’s natural to swallow semen when we all know semen is meant to fertilize not go down your throat ? All the guys that don’t know how to think with their big head, maintain or simply make a relationship work, will find any excuse to get the rest of the guys that want to take care of themselves feel bad. Why is the gay community fighting for marriage when we have all this crap going on ? Fix yourselves guy.

  • The only thing worse than one boyfriend is two of them. LOL All cynicism aside, I’ve seen a few Traids (that’s what we call them in SoCal)that seem to work well.

    I say: More power to them – Love outside of the rules!

  • Ridiculous! There will always be one person left out on some level, and/or jealously formed. Thus, there is a reason why the idiomatic expression “three’s a crowd!”

  • My ex asked me to get into a throuple with him and his current bf. It was ridiculous. What’s worse was that he was confused when I turned him down.

  • I am having trouble finding one guy interested in a relationship.. Where are all of these willing partners?

  • Not for me but if it works for whomever more power to them.

  • I have thought about this for many many years, it has always seemed intrigueing. I like being in a relationship but also like the idea of multiple partners as long as there isn’t a ton of jealousy. I would love to try it, especially with two younger guys, I would be in heaven lol!

  • What a joke, gay guys can hardly commit to one person. Yet alone 3?!

  • I personally believe this throuple thing is just a sexual thing that comes to an end when the couple gets bored of using the 3rd guy and this 3rd guy realises he needs a partner or some sort of jealousy or relationship role problem gets in the way. I didn’t seem to read a case where the 3 individuals just met randomly as friends n decided to date but only couples with a long-term relationship who wanted to spice up their sex life by getting someone who is into threesomes. I mean this must be just a thing that works temporarily, right. I wouldn’t like to feel that I depend on a couple and their rules and that I need their approval in some things during the relationship. How does ot work? Do i have to move in with them or hang out at theory place all of time? What if I break a rule? Do they fire me or break up with me? Sounds sort if selfish. You know What I mean? I dunno Im young not American and with not much experience…

  • The next thing we will hear from some of you will be your request for the government to sanction this as a marriage so all three can get more benefits (free stuff) from your employer or the government.

  • Why not call a threesome what it is ?

  • This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I really enjoy having sex with couples and have had a few 3somes in the past. If I met the right couple I would for sure consider being in a triad or throuple.

    Pop_rox

  • I’m not sure I agree for my purposes with a Throuple. If it works for others and no one is harmed, then go for it. I feel that a couple is just that – 1 + 1. If the couple decides to engage in 3-sums and perhaps have a favorite person they go to for those times then even better. . . I do not know of a couple – gay or straight or anything else – that doesn’t have their share of problems. It is difficult enough to deal with issues one-on-one. I could not imagine dealing with issues one-on-two. Again, for those that enjoy it – you have my best wishes for you all. :0)

  • throuples , triads are another extension of relationships. I don’t think three people go out single one night and end up as a throuple. I think it starts with a couple looking for a third. most likely they have had three ways in the past but want to take that one step further.

    I’m all for whatever defines a relationship instead of being monogamous with one person you are monogamous with one couple.

  • Mark : simply because not everyone is the same…

  • I’ve always believed that there’s no magic in the number two. When I’ve looked over the years at relationships I’ve known of others (whether same-sex or not), what holds those relationships together is not only the commitment of both parties but also how one partner respects, loves, and feels respected and loved by the other partner. Sex between partners plays a large role for those who want and enjoy the sex with their partner.
    I’ve advertised a couple of times, looking for two or three other men who would be interested in forming (what I call) “a family of men.” What I’ve thought of is a group of men who are only in this “closed relationship” (not using the terms “monogamous” or “triad” or “polyamorous” or “three-way”) in which all men are both physically attracted to as well as emotionally attracted to the other men in this “family.” All would be equals, all sharing in the love-making as well as in the running of the household, each doing what he’s good at doing. My thinking is that since I’m a single male, I would like to form such a “family of men” with other new and single men so that we all start off on a near-similar footing.
    I ran an ad in Craigslist a couple of times in their “roMANse” section. Once it was flagged by someone who must have not liked the idea. The other time I had a few responses. Those wanted to know how I planned it to work, and how I thought it would be possible for all the men to love one another. I figure, those are questions that need to be talked about with the men involved. But we all know that we are capable of loving more than one person at the same time (your children, if you have any, your parents, lovers in your past). The fact that so many men are in same-sex as well as non-same-sex relationships when they’re in sites just like this one, tells us that, perhaps, “monogamy” isn’t an innate or biological response to love. It’s a societal formation that has to be worked at, in most cases, to keep both partners together forever.
    Some of the responses in here as well as those I received from my CL posting a few years ago referred to the impossibility of a “closed relationship” working due to jealousy that would develop. How do “monogamous,” partnerships of only two deal with jealousies? Do ALL relationships in and of themselves HAVE to have jealousy come into play? I believe that has more to do with the person(s) you choose to be in your relationship than it does with the number of members in your relationship. And, that is also an element that the other members of the household would have to realize and discuss so that the “jealous” member feels wanted and loved and respected and INCLUDED. Isn’t that why so many non-gay relationships often end as well? If we give our partners reason to feel left out, overlooked, not cared for, ANY relationship can fall to jealousy and divorce. It’s up to the members to make it work for everyone included.

  • Me and my guy have been together 3 years and after being together for 3 months this is something we decided that we wanted, we dated one for guy briefly but it went know where FAST! We still would love to be 2/3 of a triad we just need the 1/3 to complete.

  • Been there. Done that. Societal views aside, it was ridiculous. The dynamic increases in complexicty.

    In a couple, you have yourselves individually, and each other. Two relationships to manage.

    In a throuple/triad, you have:
    A+B+C
    A+B
    A+C
    B+C
    C+A

    That’s 5 different relationships among three people. Call it 8 if you want to have any time to yourselves.

    Relationships are hard work (albeit worth it) as it is. Eventually, the throuple game changes from threesome into tiresome. ;)

  • I was in a “Throuple” relationship for a couple years. It is not like a threesome. Sometimes during sex one will just watch the others. Other times two will have sex together then both perform sex on the 3rd. after they are spent. I can go on & on.

  • I’m definitely on the support side of such arrangements. I think it’s possibly more manageable with four.
    Also find it really irritating when monogomists express their pithy condemnation for anything other than monogomy.

    It really doesn’t make any sense.

  • men will come up w/ any excuse to not be monogamous and to find a 3rd and still call is monogamous is an oxymoron…. it’s hard enough finding 1 person you can love, enjoy sex w/,, and then was u feel it’s ran it’s course but still want to keep them, you find a 3rd, please… men are idiots.. STOP SEARCHING FOR THE NEXT THING AND ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE,,,,,, it’s possible to enjoy sex w/ 1 partner for life,,, maybe guys should GET OFF when them instead of porn, sites like this and what not to feel they NEED something more to spice things up.. SPICE up your own damn relationship…

  • I’d like to point out that those of us who are in poly relationships or who are poly-friendly are being incredibly polite. It’s the people in the “monogamous” (and are you sure of that?) relationships who are all judgmental and pissy about those of us who have relationships that don’t fit into their little 1950s worldview. Get over yourselves, gentlemen.

  • I’m surprised this has a name, but I guess gay guys are really good at coming up with labels for things…

    Back in September of 2012 I met a guy in an open relationship who wanted to play around, and it turned out we really hit it off and began hanging out more. He starte dinviting me over to hang out with him and his partner and after the first dinner we all had together we ended up having super hot three-way sex until almost 5am. They’re both older (30s and 40s) and smoking hot, and at th etime I was still 20. It kept becomong more and more regular over th emonths and in January they took me out with a bunch of friends to celebratr my 21st birthday.

    It’s been a real roller coaster. I never remained exclusive and there was always open communication, but when you’re the third guy coming into an already established (10yo) relationship there are always fears running through your head. Starting in September and still going now (7 months later) i wonder all the time if my presence is a hinderance or a catalyst, if I’m crossing a line or invited to do something. If you want to enter this kind of relationship, or any relationship for that matter, you must remember to always openly communicate with every person in the throuple and be sure of the ground rules that are set. It’s not for everyone, and even 8′ve wondered sometimes if the tears, loneliness, emptiness, that I’ve felt couldn’t have all been foregone if I’d never answered that first message on a4a. But I do know that out of the situation I’ve gained two lifelong friends, some amazing sex, and awesome life experiences that I may never have known if I’d bowed out.

    Whatever you do, use common sense, and always listen and be open with one another.

  • Irregardless of what you call it, such a relationship takes a combination of rare individuals who are earnestly committed to making the situation work. Adding a third party to a couple totally changes the dynamic for all concerned, and, while it my be based on some sexual attractions, there needs to be emotional bonds formed in all directions for it to work properly. It CAN work, but the effort and dedication must be there from all parties, and it has to be more than just hot sex. Ground rules can be set, but structure can only be guidance, not solid law, and must allow for some measure of individuality. It takes an unusual person to fit the mold needed for this, and to find 3 such persons is not easy at all. But if 3 guys can make it happen, I say more power to them!

  • Poly isn’t just a gay thing, I have hetero and bi friends who do it. And it’s about way more than just sex.

    I’m amazed at how much vileness is coming from some of the monogomists. Replace your monogomist bias with an anti-gay bias and evaluate how bigoted the statements would be. Perhaps even hate speech, no?

    Does anyone have a right to tell you how to live or who to love? Perhaps it’s time to stop casting stones at others.

  • Sure, that can work as LONG as NONE of the guys in the “throuple” develop an emotional tie. Now, what do you think the odds of that would be? 1,000,000,000 to one?

    Yea, they can all agree upfront – in theory – about 3 (or 4) guys in a closed sexual relationship). But, the reality is, as the guys grow older, and LIFE does the voodoo that it will do, events will happen that will put stress on the relationship – a relationship based primarily on SEX. Again, that’s cool in concept, but when a life event strikes one of the guys in the relationship – it WILL change the dynamic.

    It’s been my experience (and yes, i’ve actually known many guys in triads, but no matter the “rules” or “guidelines” there’s ALWAYS a primary couple. And WHEN emotions come into play, one of the guys in the triad will feel like the 3rd wheel. Not usually during sex, but during emotion-based events. Change in job, illness, family events, etc. Oh, and there’s where alot of these relationships hit a rock.

    Think about it. One of the guys in the “throuple” gets an invite to his sister’s wedding – the invite is for him and a guest. Who’s he going to take. On paper, it shouldn’t matter, but trust me, the guy who’s NOT invited will feel slighted. Oh, and no matter how “accepting” the family, there are few brides that will accept their brother bringing BOTH HIS PARTNERS to her wedding.

    So, as long as this “throuple” setup is SOELY about having a closed group of guys having sex with each other – and not playing outside the 3 guys…it’ll work. It will be hot, fun, and exciting – until LIFE strikes.

  • I was in a non-monogamous triad for about two years… for the most part it worked really really well. They both got a second person to be physically and emotionally intimate with without the original partner feeling slighted or neglected.

  • This entire concept is trash. Gay people always try to reinvent the wheel. Jesus, what is wrong with us?

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