27 Mar 2013

Speak Out : A4A Smiles

Category: Gay Stuff : Speak Out

smile

Use to be a smile was something that meant you were happy or saw something that made you happy.  So why do guys get so mad when we send you a smile?  There are plenty of profiles that say “smiles will be deleted”.  This seems pretty harsh considering it’s just a smile.

When I see a profile I like or a guy I think is hot I might send a smile instead of saying hello, just to see his interest level.  There are also times I might just be saying I like something about their profile.  If I get a smile back, it tells me that the guy is most likely interested. If I get a full on conversation then he is probably very interested. Smiles are ice breakers, don’t you think?

When I get a smile, I always try to respond with a thank you if I’m not interested.  Of course we all get smiles from guys we have no attraction to, so a simple thank you is the best option.

Just think about what it takes to send a smile. A smile is a way to see if someone is interested and to show that we appreciate their profile….

Let me know what you think!?

g skorich aka eastvalleyoral

 

161 comments for Speak Out : A4A Smiles

  • Very true. Guys on a4a can be little pansy asses over a simple smile. :) tehe

  • No. If you really have an interest in someone, put in the effort of typing out your greeting and not a half-assed “smile” that takes one click.

  • Agree. People should not be offended by receiving a Smile, but also not feel compelled in any way to reply or react when they receive one. There’s no need to advertise and explain to the world that you are not going to reply to them…just don’t reply to them, if that is your choice.

    There’s another popular site that uses the same concept, but it is called a “Grope”. And we all know of the Facebook “Poke”. The thing is, with those names, I can understand why those are perceived as a bit creepy, or offensive, and thus, unwelcome. Not sure why those sites chose those names, but I commend A4A for just sticking with the friendly, yet safe “Smile.” It’s interesting to see how the exact same concept/technology can be perceived so differently, just because of a different name.

  • I’m with you man. If a guy smiles or winks at you on the street you consider it a compliment or are at least feel good about it. Way too many guys are totally too up tight abut all this….

    I’m with you I like and use the smile as an ice breaker or to find out if there is any interest…

  • These facts are true but useless. Sending a smile or a message means just getting ignored. Most guys to full of themselves to even just say a Thanks. That’s been my experience.:(

  • I have seen lots of these “Smiles will be deleted”, profiles. From What I have seen they tend , not always but often, to be in profiles that also say things such as “VGL, no old heads (what is that anyway), no one over 25.. or even more bold or should I say shallow “No old, fat asses”.
    Some will say this is this is not a chat site its a hookup site. Well okay if that is what you want fine there are those of us that like a conversation too and it makes an easy ice breaker.
    Sadly an example of how shallow gay men can be.

  • And for those that will automatically decide this writer is one of those “Old heads” or “Fat asses”.
    Well that might be true or at least part of it might be. I dont know what my 6’2″ 225lbs Puerto Rican complete with a dick of death and built like a brick house, staff sargent and about to retire from the army sees in me. Im sure proud of him and very glad he says “I love you” before he leaves for work each day

  • If guys don’t like smiles, they can disable it so that they don’t receive them. There’s no reason to be rude.
    On that same level, a4a isn’t only a site for hooking up (despite how often guys say it is) so if you have “looking for friendship” in your profile i I don’t get how guys can be jerks when all I might be looking for is to grab a drink with them.
    My two cents.

  • Well I must say yes I send smiles and like to receive them. However you have those jerks that send smiles out of sarcasm. You don’t always know what the smile is when you say hi back and hear nothing else. Then I’m like what was the point in sending me that crap anyway. Oh well I guess you have to think at least they invested their time contacting me. I wish we had certain smiley faces we could send or interested button. It would be better to say “**** is interested in you”. That would probably give some clarity.

  • If you’re just lookin’ to bone, smiles are good and all. If you want substance and you say so in your profile, then he doesn’t have the time or wit to type something personal, anything, why would you give him the time of day? I also know a lot of guys will cruise hundreds of profiles and just send out smiles like they’re genital herpes at an orgy.

    TL;DR: If I’m not worth your time to write out a 30 second message, you’re not worth mine.

  • I agree, I don’t understand what the problem is with smiles.
    I will say I very seldom send smiles out anymore but I will send one back if I am interested or will usually at least say thank you. Way too much drama on a4a, loosen up people.

  • Fan if smiles here. I don’t understand why people are so uptight. Also people are quick to block for the dumbest reasons

  • you wouldn’t say ‘thank you’ to anyone who smiled at you in person or would you?

  • I agree that smiles are a great way to show that you are interested but some guys are just plain rude and they don’t reply.

  • I concur… in fact, I often pass by profiles of guys who are so dismissive. It’s just an f’in smile after all :)

  • I don’t mind smiles too much. I don’t send them, but I interpret them the same way you note in the post; as a smile. While I will almost always respond to a message from someone (unless they are really rude or something), but if I get a smile, I’ll look and if I’m not interested, I won’t bother to reply. Much the same way that if somebody says something to me on the street, I’ll reply, but if they just smile, I feel no obligation to respond in anyways unless I decide to.

  • When you approach someone in realtime the first thing you do, and the first thing they see, is your smile. I don’t understand the ire behind receiving one on a social networking site.

  • I agree. A smile is simple ice breaker. I’ll admit, I don’t always respond back, and I probably should at least send a “thanks”. A smile is not a request to hook up, date, or go shopping for curtains. It’s simply, “I like your profile”.

  • Smiles,winks, gropes are a total waste of time and are totally abused by users. They want to shift on the other party the burden to say hello. If you want to say hello, you should just say hello! This is a chicken way out and you can’t open a conversation by saying nothing. You are really saying nothing! So don’t expect a response from nothing. Say hello and start a conversation like a real person and maybe the other person will answer you. And don’t give me the excuse your shy, your behind a computer screen not in a bar or club! What could possibly happen?

  • I think the smiles are silly. If you can not type hello or a simple sentence why bother? Half the time I respond Hi Smiley and they don’t respond …. what gives?

    Personally I wish A4A would add a FROWN …. I would like to frown at some people!

  • Lol I usually smile anyway… 9 times out of 10 they will respond anyway if they think you are attractive. I think when people say that in a profile its more so used as a deterrent to not to speak to people they are not interested in. I notice most of the time the guys that smile at me are ones that they know that I won’t likely be interested and they are just testing the waters to see if they get lucky! But I like smiles and I like to send them no matter what. Just because I smile at you doesn’t mean I want you and just because you smile at me doeant mean you are going to get anywhere… Its just a smile get over it!

  • Dave Change the smile that we Send to the one that you used on todays Blog. That would be way better than ~ Cravenmoorhead you just received a smile from so and so.

  • Because people need mental help, that’s why.

    Many think that if they get a smile that the guy is too much of a coward to say anything. Why should anyone be surprised that people are afraid to say HI on A4A when there is so much rejection out there. A lot of guys won’t even respond unless you look like some fitness model, even when they are the biggest frump on these dating sites.

    A smile is much easier and a quick way to say you’re interested, especially you many not even get any response from all the rude idiots on here. Even if I’m not interested, I still respond to let the person know what’s going on. That’s called — > not being socially retarded or rude.

  • if a guys say the ddeltste winks the noa man nught for me

  • guys who hate smiles are simply afraid of them. too bad :-) I reply to all smiles that are from nice looking and nice seeming profiles. too much of a list of no’s and don’ts just tells me they aren’t very positive people. so I will not reply to smiles from them. not even looking at a smilers profile and just deleting them is just a guy full of hate.

  • some people are shy in public and online. and to the guy who said something about a half- assed smile….when you see a guy in public that you like/is interested in…isnt the first thing you do to this guy is smile at him and if he smiles back or shows some type of interest thats when words are spoken. but too many people are stuck on stupid for no reason and its just nonsense.

  • Come on guys, a smile on A4A is the same as a wink or a glance in the streets.

    I send a smile, as a wink, to see if theres any interest.

    The guys that complain about getting smiles, are the same asses that dont even respond back, when you take the time to send a note to them. Someone should tell them that a simple response back, wouldnt kill them. I guess its easier to block someone that to say Hello…..

  • I will never understand what is wrong with a smile, it’s just a quick way to say hi or draw attn to yourself. As for those who thinks its not worth their time if someone can’t be bothered to write out a message, well my awnser is its not worth my time to write out a message when most people on here are to stuck up to reply. So in my opinion a smile is a great way to break the ice or at least invite someone to a more meaningful conversation. Bu that’s just my opinion.

  • I’am not quite sure why a :) is so horrible. So i would like to know how would you like for someone to show their interest in you? Would a picture of a hard cock, a spread ass cheek, a sunset, or a hello would work?

  • NO! It is rude and lazy. If you can’t be bothered to exert the minimal energy required to send me a real message, don’t bother to contact me at all.

  • I have gotten a few smiles. I usually reply that it’s nice to be noticed, and ask what caught their eye. I don’t send smiles, it feels lazy. If I see particularly nice pictures or text, that’s what I say. It seems rude to block somebody just for saying that. If you apply enough filters, your result will be zero.

  • The problem I have with smiles, it that they often come from guys who’s profiled are devoid of any information including that lack of picture(s). I personally think thats creepy. The write of the article saying that smiles might be a way of testing out the waters of interest, for whatever reason, then there has to be something to check out.
    Bottom line is that if you’re really interested in someone, make your indications clear, this is a site for men, not indecisive woman. A smile is not something that can be generated my technology, a smile is only something you can experience in real life.

  • Just a waste of time. Guys who send smiles are fishing for responses. Take the time. and hey … Have you moticed, most guys who send smiles are the ones without pics on line.

  • I agree 100% smiles are great. And in that instance where I’m not into the guy I at least say thanks. I have seen too many profiles that say not to send smiles, so I write them and tell them how to turn the smile function off. But I very rarely send smiles anymore because of those people that don’t want them. And NC Bear I’m with you. Those profiles that say no one over this age or this kind of person to the front of the line, those are really annoying. I know everyone has their type, but it’s almost like you can’t send a compliment anymore without fitting into their little shallow box. I’m 36 and relatively good looking but because I’m not in my 20′s anymore I’m automatically disqualified. It makes a person feel less than what they are.

  • I don’t send smiles. If I’m interested in a guy, I’ll try to come up with a greetng that connects with what he has in his profile. If I can’t do that, that’s a hint that there’s really no point in sending a greeting.

    If I get a smile …
    – if the guy has a profile picture and text about himself that sounds even remotely promising, I’ll retrun one. But I’ll leave it up to him to move the conversation forward from there.
    – if the guy has no profile picture, no text in his profile, and his greeting is a smile, is there really any reason to respond?

  • Here’s my theory on smiles. First never have sent one. The theory is the younger you are, the more adverse you are receiving miles. The older you get, the more you appreciate receiving a smile. At least it shows you are relevant in todays young world. 99.9% of the times at my mature age I respond with a thx!

  • I agree. Smiles are nice to break the ice but so many guys on here are so shallow i dont know how they find anyone. Just because im a big guy doesnt me i cant have fun. Why have “friends” checked when you wont even try to be friendly. Just because i message or smile doesnt mean i want ur dick.

  • I believe that smiles are just a way to break the ice. Usually I say “thanks” unless I like the person’s profile, then I start a conversation. Mainly, I don’t mind smiles.

  • I’ve approached many guys with something witty to say about their pics or profile. All assholes. Some people are just not approachable, yet they don’t want “smiles” or for people to “sup” them. Bite me.

  • I see the point in smiles, but sometimes it gets messy. When I receive one I usually say “thank you,” just to be polite. The trouble with that is though, guys will take that as me being interested and try to start up a whole conversation. Now I simply respond to the ones that I am interested in the rest just get ingored.

  • Good evening guys, usually before i send a smile i glance through the profile looking for negative adjective or dismissive verb-age.Most time guys on here have self or body image or identity disturbance that they create scene to hide their emotion.

  • I’m not pro or con smiles. I take them the same as a person on the street giving a smile or a nod. I usually smile or nod back. I find that most that hate smiles or threaten to block tend to be TOO full of themselves. They also tend to be those with faceless or fake pics who demand your full photo. I put them in the “game” category and move on.

  • Odd discussion: If you don’t like smile, simply uncheck “Allow other members to send me SMILES” under the notification settings. People who write “don’t send me smiles” rather than simply turning the option off are, well … fools would be putting it politely.

  • It seems to me that giving someone a compliment should not be turned into a negative. I like it when I get smiles, and always say thankyou, even if I have zero interest, it’s just courtesy. Sending a smile is like nodding at someone across the bar, harmless, but possibly productive. It seems that most of the “no smiles” nazis also have tons of other conditions in their profiles so I’m kinda glad they put their control issues right out there for all to see.

  • I get so much negativity for replying with “Thank you, but I’m not interested”; one guy told me to fuck off and I was like “Dude, you sent me a smile, I thanked you and acknowledged my disinterest; get over yourself and grow a thicker coat”.

    Of course, I never write that as I’m almost immediately blocked following my acknowledgment of disinterest and their way-too-emotionally-invested retort. Oddly enough, I’ve not received any type of negative message from men younger than 35.

  • I feel like a better way to break the ice is to acknowledge that you read someone’s profile and use part of it in your first message or a simple “Hey, how’s it going?”
    I, personally (and I know not everyone’s going to agree), feel like smiles are a waste of time. The only way for you to prove you have substance (be it for friends or more) is by saying something with substance.
    Also, if you have no interest in the person sending the message, there’s really no reason to respond (again, this is just in my experience). I used to be one that’d respond to compliments and messages from those far outside what I’m looking for it was nice and respectful thing to do, but it lulls people into thinking you’re showing some kind of interest.
    What’s worse? Not getting a response from the get-go, getting a response and they abruptly stop, or getting a response and they say, “I was only saying thank you to the compliment/smile, I’m actually not interested.” People bite your head off for saying you’re not interested no matter how you do it so the best remedy is silence … if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, right?

  • A smile here, on the street, in a bar, or anywhere, just signals an openness and approachability. Approach me or not, it’s your choice at that point. A smile is an invitation to interact, and it doesn’t mean any more than that. If you ANSWER a smile, that’s the beginning of possibilities: a chat, a friendship, a date, a hookup, a relationship. A smile can be the beginning of many things.

  • I like smiles, love to give them and compliments, the one I find funny is when they demands face pic be there and they don’t have one, Lol, from Dallas, tx, home of dallitude

  • well, i’m not a fan of smiles. i reply to them, but i don’t use them myself, personally.. because it makes the guy seem sorta lazy and dismissive of you. like they’re trying to get the attention of as many people as possible and don’t have the time to write “hey what’s up” to each guy.
    Also, it gives off a scent of “hi. i want to talk to you. but i don’t know how to start a conversation. so here. you start! i’ll sit here and wait!” Like, if you like me, then inquire further! don’t just smile at me and then write “nm. just chillin.” when i ask you what you’re doing!

  • Get rid of the stupid smile. If you want to say hello, then SAY IT. Also, if you send me one–especially since I have in my profile to not bother sending them to me–and you get butthurt that I didn’t respond to it, you might just find yourself blocked.

  • First of all, to all thos people who claim this is only a “hookup site” … it does not have to be tht unless that is your otive. Actual “dating” sites are cheesy and full of boring un-sexy “matches” (trust me I’ve tried them all). In reality, gay men have sex AND date at the same time and often meet through hookup sex. I feel like someone’s stance on the smile issue is a barometer for the attitude of the guy. If a guy gets all bent out of shape about a smile, that tells me he’s an unappreciative prick and not worthy of my sex or dating. When I receive a smile I consider it a compliment and genuinely reply if I there is a mutual interest.

  • I’ve never minded smiles. I usually reply back with a :-) regardless of if I’m attracted to them or not. Usually, in person, when someone smiles at you, you smile back, so that’s what I do.

    It seems like every site or app has something similar. There are smiles here, pokes on Facebook, growls, woofs, etc. from the apps. It’s not a bad thing at all.

  • I think you should just change it to “assgrab” or “grope” then see who bitches.

  • If you don’t want a smile, disable it on your profile. Simple.
    For those guys that are being rude, are you really that bitter that if someone sends you a smile online or on the street you turn up your nose ?

  • People may feel guilty not to respond a “smile” since many guys consider that’s rude. That’s maybe the reason they warned you don’t send smile. Don’t easily get offended….

  • First A4A needs to get rid of blocked people from viewing you. When I sign on and see these people it drives me nuts.

    Second, a smile should be an ice breaker – not a smile (where is the smile anyways??) Some other sites give you a sentence that is actually worth replying to. “Has sent you a smile” means nothing to me.

  • I don’t mind smiles, but at least have something in your profile that tells me about you. And please have a pic if you’re going to expect a response.

  • I’m not a fan of smiles, have it disabled on my profile, would prefer a message that at least reads, “interesting profile.” With that I am prepared to say, “thank you” and start a real conversation. But this is just the way I see it.

  • Smiles are cool off line online I view them the same as just unlocking your pics and not leaving a message…lazy and putting all the onus on me to make something happen. If you are really that interested leave a damn message. If you smile at someone in person, often they smile back and walk right by you. If you are interested it’s much more effective to be clear about that attraction. A smile can be taken to mean too many things. Thats why I jus disable the feature. Lol

  • Smiles dnt necessarily mean that a guy dsnt wana put the effort of typing something. For me it’s just to show that I’m interested in a guy. Face it not everyone is gna be that into u at first but if u take time to reply or even just send a smile back to someone who sent u a smile u might be surprised at how good they can be in carrying a conversation.

  • I personally use smiles if for no other reason then saying howdy. I’m not one to write, unless there is interest. I find that if the interest is returned, great; if not, that’s fine.

  • Totally agree. Why can’t guys simply accept a compliment and move on?

  • I think the smiles are nice. The guys who have “smiles will be deleted or ignored” are too into themselves and need to lighten up. If someone you’re not interested in sends you a smile, just say thanks, not interested.

  • Just my $0.02 worth here but by and large gay men are horrible when it comes to etiquette and general nicety. Hollywood, media, even our own publications make us out to be these uber fashionable who are crass and conceited. We have an air about us that we need to be more about A&F, Gucci and the like than we do common civility. That somehow because we are more fashionable we are better. Problem is this stereotype carries over. It seems the younger gay men are the worst when it comes to this but I will be the first to say I have seen it in all generations. We live in a subculture of a society who have zero interpersonal skills. Life is really done now behind a computer screen with a degree of anonymity unparalleled in history. And that is sad. We have forgotten how to be nice to one another. In the case of the younger generation I feel it is because they never learned it in the first place. When growing up gay role models are few and far between so when all they see is drama queens and flamboyant conceited men then that is the behavior that is going to be mimicked.

    By profession I am a paramedic/firefighter and have been in public safety since I was 17 in 1990. I have met literally hundreds of gay men from all walks of life in whatever race, color and creed you can imagine. I have met young, old, skinny, large, rich and poor and the reality is we are simply a microcosm of the larger community. Unfortunately we are also some of the most vicious when it comes to our own. For a community that is at this very moment fighting for acceptance and equality in the US and other parts around the world we have the least bit of compassion, tolerance and acceptance among our own. That to me is just stunningly ignorant.

    If we as a community want others to love us as much as we feel we need to be loved then we need to take a collective step back and address our own collective behavior. I am not advocating that we need to bow down and fall over everyone who contacts us on here as I fully understand that attraction is not always mutual and automatic, having been on both ends of the spectrum but kindness and courtesy goes a long, long way. Sometimes all we are really searching for on here is reassurance from people like us. If we want the world to see us for who we really are and not just our sexual behaviors and attractions then maybe we need to start acting like a true community, unified and strong, dedicated to our objectives. This can all be done and it can start with something as simple as a smile.

  • the problem with smiles is that they are soooooo passive-aggressive… men should be able to initiate a conversation by opening their mouths and saying something… if only opening up a conversation was as easy as opening one’s mouth or ass for a hot cock

  • They are appreciated but really annoying , it’s like a guy who stares at you, without saying anything. Guys like the chase, to see if you have game ( sweet talker, swag, etc.) . No one wants something easy. Guys will send smiles and say nothing else.The same with “Wassup “,”what’s good” Like Damm u hit me up

  • also, they are ambiguous… do they mean hello? nice pics? i want to get with you? i’m in a good mood? that was really clever, what you wrote in your profile… be clear, direct, concise

  • I am someone that does have the “smile” feature disabled on my account. Although smiles are an icebreaker, the best way to break the ice is to just say hi. In a face-to-face encounter, one is not going to simply smile and not say anything. The person usually smiles, and then continues it with some sort of greeting. I feel that the best way to break the ice is to just say hello. It just seems a little too school girlish for someone to just smile. I don’t want someone that is just going to smile, but someone that is going to actually engage in conversation.

  • Almost every contact I’ve had with someone from A4A has come from me or the other person sending a smile, which lead to a conversation, which can leave to more.

  • Smiles are harmless So keep on smilen !!!

  • I like sending out smiles to guys that 1. Have a great or funny profile header, 2. If I find them attractive and might be interested in them.
    When I receive a smile I either send one back if I’m interested in them or thank them for the smile and wish them well in their search.
    Too many guys here on A4A are plain a-holes if you send them a smile and in return they either tell you to f-off or block you.
    Sometimes it’s does not pay to be nice…

  • Most guys I see on here don’t like the “smiles”. Why? Why should an interested guy say “Hi” or give you a synopsis of himself to someone who’s not interested? A “smile” is a safe “Hello, I’m interested in you”. What’s wrong with that, fellas? Really?

  • Sending me a smile tells me you’re too lazy to come up with an opener, and you want me to do all the conversational work. A smile is as useless as sending “sup,” or “mmmmmm” to me. Pass. Next. I like guys with some balls. Confidence speaks volumes. Smiles just say “lazy and not very serious.”

  • I like the idea of what the “smile” is supposed to be for (letting a guy know you’re interested) but I think it’s poorly named. Getting that message of “so-and-so sent you a smile”…something about seeing it in writing just isn’t all that appealing, or, well, sexy. There used to be some website–I completely forget which one–that had a feature where you could flag a guy as “Hot.” And when you did, they got a message saying “so-and-so thinks you’re hot.” And, let’s face it…who doesn’t like being thought of as hot? ;-) So, my message to A4A: Consider your audience. I think if you made the feature operate more like that, it would be a lot more popular.

  • I wholeheartedly again with Smiles being ice breakers. It would be great if everyone thought like you EastValleyOral. A Smile sets the tone for something. But if you havent noticed men on here get mad when you say Hey or Whats Up? My question is when you are out in public and someone you like approaches you what do you or he say? First word is either Hey or something starting off like Whats…? They need to get the stick out their asses and be men and converse. They are cowards no a days!

  • I m not offended but is annoying….I notice that the guys sending smiles are also the guys who would never say hi to me in public…I think it s a way to hide n ve shy….JUST SAY HI…guys want sex n it s annting how long it takes guys to being up the subject….I m not herefor sex but most are so just get to the point already so I can say no without all the lame build up…..if u want to chat awesome but get going…hi sup how are u over n over gets old real quick…get to know me or get moving…..

  • As previously stated smiles r ice breakers, and on here there is a way to opt out of receiving them. Again so.its no need for rudeness. But I dnt mind the callus lames that bash smiles as they’re almost always dismissive n ignorant abt their taste in men. So I thank them for the forewarning!! NEXT!! And for the record I rarely use smiles but am not opposed to them

  • the only problem i have with them is the lack of context. is it a wolfish smile of sexual arousal? an ironic smile from a middle-aged hipster who thinks he’s god’s gift to vintage floursack shirts? the scorchinly shy smile of a young’un who wishes you were his man? a head nod from that vaguely familiar guy you tricked with six months ago? a bonechilling teeth-baring from that hot psycho who’s gonna strangle you in the shower?

    when you get a smile on the street or in a bar, you have clues to read.
    i rarely send them, and when i do i don’t expect a response.
    when i get them online, i say thans. if i’m interested, i’ll start a conversation.

  • I think smiles are nice ice breakers. But what I don’t get is people that don’t like smiles also say don’t send just “Hi”. They want something substantial in the first contact. But how the hell are you supposed to do that. I mean proper rules say that when you are greating someone for the first time you say hello. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to say I could come right and say hi wanna fuck but I’m not really into the ho that will hop in bed after I say that while others that may have hooked up with me get turned off and ingnore me. So really Im on here for hooking up but I want a guy that is sane and not the town slut. A smile is just a way to say hi I’m interested. Yes it is easy it is not for a lack of thought or caring it is just a common run of the mill salutation. Most guy may look at your profile and not be interested I your looks or age which is okay. But if I spend 15-20 min typing some big disritation for a guy that is not interested and I’m just looking for a hook up then I just wasted my time and another guy that I might if bad a. Chance with is already hooked up with some else. So a smile is not bad it is just a way to say hi I’m interested lets chat.

  • I gotta agree with most everyone. A smile doesn’t hurt anyone. Yes, if you’re interested in someone, you can put forth the effort, but after you get shot down um-teen-thousand times, it’s easier just to send the smile!

  • Smiling at a guy in real life takes more guts than clicking a button that says “smile”. Online it comes across as you not being able to compose a message. However to be fair, there is the option to block “smiles” if you want.

  • Shows just how far the Gay Community has come. We’re contemplating a simple response to a smile (a gesture of friendliness at at the least) but we want equal marriage rights. I don’t even think marriage should even be at the top of the list of priorities. How about treating eachother equal first. And by treating eachother equally first I mean age-wise, race-wise, “fem” or not “fem”-wise, weight-wise, honesty-wise, health-wise, etc., then we can focus on our rights. The Gay “Community” (and I use that term very loosely) is so backwards when it comes to the afforementioned topics. How can we expect people to respect us, and treat us equally in the eyes of the law if we can barely treat eachother with respect. With that being said, it is a very long ways off to the ENTIRE country to accept same-sex marriage, yes, there maybe states where we are accepted, but it’s not the same as a nationwide referendum on our rights. This fact leads me to believe the country still looks at us as a joke. Are they right in there assumption?

  • Smiles are nice & breaks ice not so much with out our more jaded bros. But the trace function works feigning interested boimen as well.

  • am once of the “older “distinguished ” beautiful bubble bottoms referenced above. Profiles filled with dislikes don’t deserve smiles. Start with likes…or go to a paid elitist site, puhleeeze

  • A smile is there as part of the sites icons its to show you are greeting freindly.You can also say hello its just as freindly because most minds are in the gutter they think otherwise first impression.

  • I agree a smile is a good ice breaker, I respond back with a “Thank You” when I get a smile. I do not restrict my profile but also lately I have seen a few profiles with line” anyone younger than 40 don’t reply, or I won’t reply”
    I think it is a new concept to the young that think they will never be old.

  • There are insecurities and self esteem issues they need to deal with.

  • I feel that a smile is a bit of a lazy way of contacting someone. If a guy is interested in me, but only wants to send a smile, does he want me to spend more time than the did in clicking the smile (one second)? But if I don’t respond with a message, then I am considered stuck up?

    I think that if a guys is somewhat interested, he should take the time to type a mature person’s message, if he wants me to give a mature person’s response. If he is too lazy to type a message, I’ll be too lazy to respond. Just my 2 cents.

  • I see many negative profiles on Adam and it’s just sad. Why people can’t be friendly is beyond me….quite hypocritical as well when they’re looking for nice “normal” guys yet shun a smile. But such is gay culture today. Makes me happy to be in a relationship

  • I do not send smiles but when I receive them I always respond and say “thanks”. If they want to go further fine, if not I am fine with that too.

  • Smiles are sweet…….

  • Love the smiles. Love to get’em. Love to give’em. And not just as an ice-breaker … sometimes I send a smile to guys I’ve been with before, but haven’t been able to hook up with for sometime for whatever reason. If they’ve missed me too, the smiles can lead to all sorts of fun and games. Like I said, love the smiles.

  • I have smiles disabled I would rather get a message.

  • I turned off my smiles.

  • i think smiles are great. men on a4a are not as nice-at least here in the sf bay area. they are so much into themselves, nobody else matters.

  • if you want to talk to me, then talk to me. i don’t care for smiles at all. it’s not like they made me miserable or anything, but if you’re interested in me, then make an effort to let me know about yourself or simply get to know me. i disabled that nonsense. they just seem lazy. though i think it’s worse when people leave their trace, unlock their photos and then say NOTHING- expecting me to establish conversation.

  • If you don’t have the time to say anything constructive, then you are not worth my time to respond. A smile is a lazy cop out.

  • The negative reactions to them are quite overblown and some guys need to take their heads out their asses. All this yin yang of “oh if he can’t take time to write me 30 words he doesn’t think too highly of me” is quite arrogant really. Think about it, if someone came blabbing off a 30 word greeting in person you’d think him nuts at minimum. Instead you or he SMILE at each ot

  • To continue what I was saying, you and a prospective guy when seeing each other in person SMILE at each other and if there’s mutual interest you both start a conversation and progress from there. So enough with this arrogant foolishness of he has to greet me with x number of words to show me he’s interested. Most of you only want dick or ass and not the whole person anyway.

  • I turned off smiles. When a guy smiled at me, I would attempt to chat with him. I too many instances a guy who smiled at me got pissed off when I sent him a message. Not worth the grief. If someone is interested in me, let him send me a message.

  • if the guy cant take a smile, then what the heck do you want with him?

  • Danny: thanks for your suggestion i’ll forward it to the tech guys…

  • I am not a smile sender, I’d rather just type a quick hello or small note if I like a guys profile. I certainly do not mind if someone smiles at me at all. I had a guy smile at me and he later sent me an email stating he was driving and wasn’t able to write but wanted to lock my profile in to his in box and get back to me when he had the chance. We hook up every Monday morning for some awesome sex. Now I’m the only one with a huge smile Monday morning at work (it gets me through the day)
    I do think its kinda funny that ppl get so offended by smiles that they cast down upon thee, the everlasting BLOCK. Just disable your smiles or don’t respond…completely up to you! But you never know until you do. You just don’t need to be a douche, we got enough of them already.

  • I agree that smiles can serve as icebreakers and they are useful for guys who may not be certain how to approach a man who’s profile they find attractive. Some men use an even more subtle approach: they simply leave a trail that basically says “Hey, I checked out your profile.” Either approach would naturally encourage the receipiant to peep out the other man’s profile.

    What’s wrong with allowing other men on A4A to approach us (or at least get our attention) in a way that makes them comfortable? As I indicate in my profile, I’m not a control freak so I don’t demand a picture or discourage smiles. Personally, I profer NOT to send smiles myself and approach men more overtly. But I’d be a lonely fool to issue a list or requirements. And I’m more concerned with what a man is really like that I am with his use of smiles. (Likewise, I don’t demand that a man be from any particular ethnic background, but that’s an issue for another posting.)

    If a man sends me a smile and I am interested in some form of contact with him, I reply this way:

    Thanks for the smile.
    Here’s one for you ——–> :)

    Then I’m likely to introduce myself in one or two sentences and see what kind of reply I receive.

    So, if you’re one of those men who dislikes smiles, please rethink your approach . . . unless you really are a control freak.

  • I like the smile its a simple way for a shy guy to respond to what he likes however I do think a message would be more personal

  • Smiles online are not the same as in real life.
    In real life I smile to the old lady walking her dog as I walk by- I don’t go to her house and ring her door bell just to smile at her and leave.

    Don’t send me a message just to say “nothing, just relaxing” Leave me alone instead of stringing me along ok?

    Don’t talk to me unless you want to talk to me.

    That’s why I turned them off. :)

  • Three (or more) cheers for LOVING EVERY SECOND. His comments above are right on target. I wish I knew his profile name just so I could send him a text shout-out. But since I can’t, here’s a public shout-out to all of you who have presented level-headed opinions and ideas!

    Be well — and safe, my brothers.

  • I think the broader subject should be the general negativity in a profile. Given the limited amount of space we have to type with, I am perplexed ar how many guys I see (usually in their early 20s or gym rats of any age) that waste all of their space listing all their “don’t be’s” and “if you do this….then you will be deleted”. Apparently the beautiful people never heard of attracting flies with honey.

  • i think a smile is an ice breaker some guys use it to see if the guy may like how he looks ratter than get rejected.here in new york a lot of guys send smiles then if u like it goes from there.i think guys whom dnt like smiles is because there teeth looks like tic tacs or mabe they been chewing on bricks lol

  • I guess I’ll have to watch who I smile at in person. looks like some guys might punch me in the face.

    some guys might come right out and start up a chat but others aren’t so sure you’d be interested so of you get a smile and say think you it means you aren’t interested but if you respond with a hey what’s going on, thanks for the smile , it means you are.

    great comments!!

  • Instead of smiling, would it be better to send a “Hey dude, whats up?”? They both have the same level of sincerity and e ther way it means “I’m interested.”. It’s meant as a simple ice breaker. Why should I type someone a whole novel’s worth of text if they’re not interested in me. I’ll smile at you, you smile back, then we’re in business.

    Some people do need to lighten up.

  • A smile to me is a way to say you are interested. Take it the same as you would if someone smiled at you in a bar or on the street. There are some guys that wouldn’t respond in that situation as well. They’re called ASSHOLES! In all seriousness, another way is to leave a trace after checking out their profile!

  • This broke down like I thought it would when I saw the original post: Most guys think smiles are fine (thats my opinion). I respond to most with at least a ‘thx’, and more if I’m interested in chatting. Most guys pick up on that.

    The few that get butthurt about smiles (especially the stupid ones that don’t like them, AND don’t bother to disable them) tend to have negative profiles anyway, so I wouldn’t talk to them in any case… Although I sometimes send smiles just to bug them >:)

  • im sorry to say i dont care for smilies or one word greetings at all..i find it hard to say something original and with more personal character than a caveman grunt. i always send a message when im interested in someone and its usually a thought out msg that gets to the point of really being interested breaking the ice. i hate having to have the burden of discovering the intent and interest level of someone so incapable of writing even just one simple sentence, it just maxes out my boredom meter and sometimes ill blast them with a message saying so.
    you want my attention..be real be original and give it some thought beyond ” hi” (my dick is hard)…

  • Some people, like myself, are very introverted and shy and have difficulties putting themselves out there or just saying hello. For those people sending a smile can be an easy thing because two things can happen: either the person will respond or not. Yes the same thing can be done with a simple ‘hello’ but a smile says a little bit more. It says “hey guy what I saw/read made me smile.” Kind of a nice compliment. Myself, I would rather someone chat with me but I don’t ignore smiles, I also don’t send smiles. Since the Internet is ENTIRELY anonymous I can talk to people and overcome my inherent shyness much more easily than I can in real-life. But when I get a smile from someone, especially someone I might like, it makes me feel a little bit better. It’s nice to see a smile in your inbox.

  • Smiles are annoying! It doesn’t matter if its a smile, wink, flirt, kiss, whatever! If you want to talk just send a message! Guys do that in the club to me all the time, just look at me and smile but then get mad if I don’t respond to it. If you want to talk to me do so! I don’t read minds or faces. For all I know you could just be happy or just heard a joke and just happened to glance at me in the process so no I’m not going to approach you or smile back, especially since sending one back could mean an open invitation for you to communicate with me when I may not want to or in case of A4A, might make you think I’m interested in you. No old man with a small penis, I am not interested and therefore will not respond to you! Lol

  • Wouldn’t want to hook up with a guy who can’t handle a smile. Smile is just a simple way of saying I’m interested, check my profile. If you like my profile, let me know. What’s the big deal? You know you’re not interested in what I have to say if you’re not interested in my pics/profile, so lighten up, it’s just a smile.

    I also get a laugh out of the people who threaten to block. If … I’ll block you. And that is significant to me how? This place is full of silly boys and drama queens. Fortunately it’s also full of nice guys.

  • I have sent smiles to guys I was interested in and have gotten blocked. Really disgusting.

  • Oh for crying out loud if you don’t like smiles just disable the feature. Thank you a4a for allowing us to disable smiles. I can see how smiles would be annoying but I can also see how they’re not as bad as people make them out to be. Once again if you don’t like smiles don’t bitch about them in your profile… just disable them in your notification settings! Problem solved. NEXT?

  • There is something really wrong with the guys who cannot handle a simple smile. They are more than likely to stuck on themselves and think of themselves more highly than they ought too. Sorry it’s just the way i see it. One should be grateful that someone takes the time and send you a smile. If you don’t feel an attraction to seem so be it but to just flip all out about receiving a smile. Come on boys, its really not that serious.

  • So I personally think smiles are pointless, but I think it is a generational thing. For right or for wrong, young guys don’t send/want to receive smiles. It is just like Facebook ‘pokes.’ You know who is the only person on Facebook to still send pokes? My mom. She thinks they’re so fun. I don’t hate her for it, but its lame to me.

    Second, whats with all the self loathing towards the gay community. In a lot of VERY real ways the gay community is no more shallow than the straight community. The difference is that in straight culture bars are segregated by age. No one over 30 goes out to clubs. But if some bearded 55 year old with a gut went up to a cute, blond 24 year old girl, no shit she’d turn him down.

  • After reading the comments, I have unchecked “smiles” box. Although I like the attention of getting a smile, I’d prefer that people actually say something. Preferably more than “sup”. Sometimes my icebreaker messages have been short, to people whose profile suggested that I wouldn’t get a response anyway. But I just had to say “You have a particularly nice armpit picture”.

  • I rather get a smile ignored, than a hello. So I send smiles. and I respond back with another smile everytime I ge one, even if not interested.

  • my profile says it all a smile just means that someone likes what they see. so get over yourself.

  • There is a lot of arrogance on A4A..we are all mostly here for the same things..meet people…maybe establish some sort of relationship wether it be friends or fwb…I was raised to take compliments and say thank you!
    Guys are so rude it is just amazing. If you ever wonder why you spend days online..look at your behavior!
    It’s time to grow up guys!..and when someone sends you a smile and you are not interested? Just say thanks and you aren’t interested..is it that difficult?

  • This is an unbelievable example of how our world has dumbed down. SMILES ARE BLOODY NICE! If u don’t like smiles, what’ya do when you see someone in person…I respond in kind with a smile! It’s. called. manners and societal etiquette. A4A has accommodated u coldhearted jaded queens with a “trace” button, don’t leave a trace if ur too busy with ur life…get off the sexchat site. But don’t forget please & thank you either. Some of us were raised properly!!!

  • i agree , a smile is just saying i like something about you , i dont know why some of you guys get offended , this is a sex site , grow up people , be nice , like my mom says if you cant say nothing nice dont say nothing at all…..too many of you are so uptight.

  • San Diego is as piss-elegant too to the Guy up in my hometown San Francisco on the “too bothered” to be polite with responses.

  • While I’m ok with :-) I would prefer the guy takes a little effort to write a few letters if not words. To show he knows to type/write. Smiles are not personal. They r generic. And if u have a character/personality try to say something interesting; no?

  • If you like a guy’s profile, just say so. Write a short hello. Smiles to me are weak. An easy push of button instead of an valuable investment of time to get to know a guy.

    If sending smiles work for you, fine. But why should a guy respond at all if he thinks you’re a freak? That may be polite, but it’s misleading.

    On my end, there’s no obligation that I respond to your contact. If I don’t, it’s my equally weak resposne to your weak click on SMILE button.

    In the larger picture, if I send a well written message to a guy and he doesn’t respond, fine. That’s his response. No guy on this site owes me a response just because I said hello. If he doesn’t respond, an understandable message has been sent.

  • i dont understand why you people are so judgemental.if your not interested in someone that contacts you , you dont need to be sooo fucking rude , you should take it as a compliment.you all think youre all sooo hot. but when you all speak ugly it makes you ugly.

  • a smile is just an ice breaker , just to see if there is any interest in both peoples.dont need to be so rude.

  • I’m very glad this topic got brought up. I am one those hated guys that smiles more than I say hello. Hey I’m shy and a smile doesn’t always mean I’m interested, true if I find you attractive or I like your profile I may smile to see if you’re interested but if you look at my profile even my header says ” a smile brightens everyone’s day”. It’s true when I’m feeling discouraged or upset and I see someone smiled at me, even if they’re not interested it brings a bit of an actual smile to my face. When did we become so mean to each other? We’re all adults we have our own likes and dislikes and we should respect that but really guys what’s the harm in a little smile. If I saw you on the street and smiled would you go off on me for doing it? Chances are you wouldn’t so why do it on here? It’s just a friendly smile it’s not like someone’s putting a ring on your finger or flashing you their dick. Honestly save a few choice members I’ve had the pleasure of chatting with, I’m disappointed in all of us as a whole. When did it become ok to be so mean to one another? Don’t we get enough of it for the ignorant bigots of the world?

  • i block people who send smiles that i am not interested in. like fat and real old.

  • A smile is ok. I mean if someone takes the time to click on the icon then it means hey i like the profile. But to each there owne

  • I don’t know what the big deal is.. I don’t mind getting smiles. I know it can be a little intimidating to say hello to some guys on here cause they’re so very handsome, but I don’t mind if I receive smiles. I’m not picky here and I don’t mind chatting with anyone.

  • would be nice to be able to return the smile with a message.

  • smiles fine with me they are sometimes easier than saying hi, hello or some comment-smiles are welcomed by me

  • We disabled the smiles,but get the even worse greeting…”sup?
    ” LOL

  • I think smiles are fine. Why some guys get so irritated with them is BEYOND me.

  • here a smile for those who dont like them :) :)

  • im guessing that is what makes this site sooo troll driven, guys, we are getting married in a few months, i dont think a few smiles to possibly meet that special one is gonna hurt you, i find myself using this site less and less, by the amount of comments on this topic, its obvious that many men on here are not talking to each other, or meeting, or even hooking up for that matter, this site has become a real waste of time, i can think of a better site, i wont mention, with a lot more conversation and much less, dumbshit behavior from guys behind the photo, grow up men

  • I’m not really concerned with smiles. What is really annoying is when a dude says he’ll block you for saying hi or wassup. Um, how else am I supposed to greet you? If I come out and I say I want to fuck you, that’s considered offensive to some. Gays are just fucking uptight! No pun intended.

  • Some profiles are little more than a list of negatives. “no smiles” means I’m uptight but not clever enough (or too lazy) to work out that I could disable smiles in my settings. When I see ‘no smiles’ I send one to see if I get blocked (a bit of fun whilst on A4A).
    In fact if we all sent smiles to all the ‘no smiles’ sensitives then they would have to quickly learn to disable the feature and then leave the smiles for those who know how to use them to get what they want. simple.

  • you are absolutely right.

  • The majority of the men on a4a are, to quote Peter Griffin, Shallow and Pedantic (if you don’t know, google it) doesn’t matter what you do, wether you smile or say hello, they still act like jerks. They will only be interested if you look and act like a Ken doll. Don’t forget bitches, Ken is over 50 years old. Just accept the F’ing smile! It won’t kill you. Or turn off your smile function. JEEZ!

  • Smiles are not Ice Breakers. Anyone who has taken a Speech course in college knows that talking verbally to a person for the first time is the definition of an Ice Breaker. Smiles in real life are Non-Verbal and therefore you are not talking or saying anything. And for those that say well so and so will not answer a message if I send one. Get over it, that is life. You can’t force someone to talk to you. If you don’t like that the person is specific in what they want and you see that as a negative, again too bad. Just because people don’t want or like to waste time and play games doesn’t mean they are wrong to express their wants and needs. At least they know them and say them to avoid you wasting your time as well. Say something if your interested in someone! It’s very painless especially when your online and the person will appreciate you took the effort instead of being lazy and pushing a button. Because that all you are is lazy by sending a smile. You can’t be shy online because you not in front of anyone, you are just lazy.

  • As I and others stated above, either get the fuck over yourselves or turn off the damn smiles in your settings. Problem solved and that leaves space for those of us who actually have manners on this site. And you guys want the right to get married? Yeah fucking right.

  • I always thought that people on this site thought it to be an indication that you were not masculine or DL since most of the guys that don’t like smiles were either DL or married or had some strange notion of masculinity that said men didn’t smile.

  • I totally agree. The smile is an ice breaker and can show interest, instead of saying some lame opening line or something vulgar (which I will delete). Keep the smile. I also like getting smiles.

  • A large majority of Queers can be very shallow, Im sorry to say, especially the last couple of generations. My friends and I have discussed this before and the fact was that we didnt act like this…..we all had friends old and young, hot or otherwise…..time will teach these queens…….unless theyre just flat dumb.

  • Smiles are stupid b/c they are a lazy way of saying “hi”, “Im interested”, or “I like something in your profile (which I still wouldnt know what it is you liked)”. smh

  • I smile when I am interested and can’t think of a good way to make my presence known.

  • I don’t mind getting them its just most come from guys with no FACE. Either NO Photo or Primary Photo Locked. If I were on the street or out in a club and someone smiled at me I could see who was sending it.

  • Sending a smile and getting block is a blessing. But blocking is a two way street. Sometimes I like sending smiles to profiles just to have them block me. Who needs all that pretentiousness!!

  • A lot of people are saying “If you can send a smile, you can spend 30 seconds to type a message.” But here’s how I see it: A smile is a quick and efficient way to get across that I’m interested. If a guy doesn’t respond, then I know not to waste my time further. If he does respond, *then* I’ll start sending thoughtful messages. The anti-smile crowd basically wants to sit around and be worshipped, and it doesn’t work that way.

  • As a good looking guy with pics posted, i like smile at the guys with no smiles just to see if they respond. They always reply back. I tend to converse and confirm they are idiots, uninteresting, and immature. Ill usually say thanks and talk to most that email. Even those that don’t have pics or are unattractive ( to me). But im pretty upfront and honest if i think the conversation is heading to sex talk. It probably hurts some but i hope they appreciate honesty.

  • The whole smiley face thing is juvenile in my opinion, which is why I have that option shut off. If a guy wants to tell me he likes my profile, interested in more or just wants to chat then he need be a man about it and just message me instead of resorting to communicating like a giggley teenage girl.

    I’ll smile for the guy when I meet him in person.

  • IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO RECEIVE SMILES, THEM TURN THE FUCKING THING OFF AND STOP BITCHING AND COMPLAINING. IT IS THAT SIMPLE.

  • The smile thingys and all emoticons are childish. Rather than shut them off it gives me a good idea of the mentality of the person sending it, which leads to a simple click of the delete button.

    If a person lacks the simple skills of communication in words then they need to sign up on a gay daycare site.

  • It doesn’t seem like a compliment on this site; sometimes you will send somebody a message, and the response is with the smile only. In this case, it’s like the person is too condescending by just sending the smile. It’s better off to not receive them really.

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