30 May 2013

Speak Out : HIV Positive At 22 Years Old

Category: Speak Out

My name is Demetre, I’m 22 years old and was diagnosed with both HIV and Major Depression. I sometimes find it hard to want to continue living because of so many mean jerks in this world when it comes to my HIV status. I know the old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” but some words can hit you harder than any stone might.

I found out I was positive on Jul 25th 2011, the week before my birthday and that day forever changed my life. It started the previous year. I had a friend offer me a place to stay so I could get away from my family. When my mom found out, she told me it wasn’t my decision to make. We then got into an argument but it didn’t last long. I was still adamant about leaving and so we got into another argument, this one resulting in my brother putting me in a choke hold to the point i couldn’t breath and me calling the police.

They took me to the hospital and I explain some things to them. And they keep me all night. The next day I found out im being involuntarily committed to basically be watched. They keep me for a week giving me medicine to see how it works for me and after that week I was able to leave, but I didn’t want to because for the first time in my life I felt like people actually cared about me. So a month after this my mom and I got into another argument. She is the type of person that likes to control every aspect of life of everyone around her and I got tired of it and told her. She brought my granddad in and he sides with everything she says and she ended up kicking me out the house. I’m sitting outside for about an hour trying to figure out where I’m going to go til I remember a co worker told me that week if I ever needed her help to give her a call. Its 12 at night but I called her. She came to pick me up and took me to a relative’s house. It was there I had a lot of freedom. So I started having sex. In a way I was being defiant even though my mom didnt know what I was doing. But it was also a way to cope with depression.

I was going out week after week. Unprotected and protected sex. I  wasn’t thinking back then because even though I was in a new living environment, things weren’t getting any better. So I left there and ended up back at home with my parents again. It was then I found out I was positive. My life was completely over and I had written my death sentence. I was naive. I actually believed that when people said they were HIV negative, that they were telling the truth. I never though that people lied about such a thing. It’s still hard to believe now. Being HIV positive isn’t the death sentence it used to be or how some people think it is. Its a life changer but for me, change for the better. But then there are those who make me feel like dirt. For a while now I was feeling very depressed because barely anyone would talk to me. They see my profile and either block me or ignore any of my messages which 9 times out of 10 was something friendly asking them how they were doing. So I decided to put a bunch of nude pics up of myself just to see what would happen. And the same guys I tried to get to talk to me, were sending me messages non stop.

Some days I feel sexy as hell because I have on something that makes me feel that way but then I dont get noticed by anyone so then I feel like im ugly and unwanted. I guess my one question to anyone who reads this is…Is HIV a reason not to get to know a person for who they are? This is the question that has eluded me for years due to the multiple amount of people who have blocked me.

Demetre (A4A member)

If you want to share your story too, send it to blog@adam4adam.com and we will post it here!

184 comments for Speak Out : HIV Positive At 22 Years Old

  • Embrace your poz-itivity.

  • I’m sorry but I couldn’t date or be in a relationship with someone who was HIV +. Friends, sure. But anything of a sexual nature no. Don’t know why its so hard for people to use condoms with knowing everything that’s out there. I don’t want to be in that situation ever so protection is a must.

  • i understand the stigma of HIV and i am sorry people don’t realize its harder to catch then they think. I myself and negative however i have dated people who are poz. Matter of fact the fear and insecurities of the poz person pushed me away to the point of breaking it off or lived with the fear of making me poz so again broke off. I live in louisville ky and there is that stigma as well. I talk to anyone and heck even on sites i don’t get talked to at all and i find myself rather attractive. However your self worth can’t be made by a website especially one that is suppose to be a dating site however it isn’t . I mean many of dating sites are hooks . but reguardless i am on here and i find that i might find the person and if not i know all my other gays are on here. HIV is a symptom of a greater issue within someone and once they work thru that then they will be better person and contribute to society with the real them and that my friend is why HIV will never cause death but increase life and awareness..

  • That’s a tough way to go through that, I can relate because I am HIV+ as well and I still think to this day that I will no longer be able to find any love or hook ups because majority of the world is very close minded and uneducated, but I’m just gonna say that there will be someone out there who will love you for you, don’t worry about the ones who only want you for what you have.

  • you know what guy? your not obligated to tell anyone your HIV status. that is private and confidential information. if people have doubts about catching something-put on a damn condom.

  • Dont worry about people. You will find the right one. I wanted to date this pos guy i liked soooo much, but he pushed me away. I told him sex is not everything, that i love you as a person. He wouldnt have it. The worse thing is he sometimes is an asshole to me. So there is always someone for everyone

  • Dating someone HIV positive is not an option for me. I don’t want to take that risk. I also don’t want to date someone who is hepatitis positive. I don’t want to date someone who has genital warts either. I don’t want exposure to STDs and other diseases. I sure as hell, though, trust a guy who says he’s HIV positive long before I trust a guy who says he doesn’t have any std’s! Not dating HIV poz is a choice for me, but it’s not a judgement of you. For me it’s about the virus. Would I talk to you if you contacted me? Of course. Would I be your friend if that were an option? Of course. A4A and other sites sure aren’t the best measure of us as men, that’s for sure. Good luck and don’t let the actions and words of others define you.

  • You bring up more issues than can be addressed in a short comment. There are online and in-person communities with folks who are dealing with and conquering the issues you have. Seek them out. Find the one(s) where you feel comfortable. Join the conversation. You won’t be sorry.

  • The sex you was having was not a way to deal with your depression, that was something you wanted to do. I don’t take that as a way out. As young people we all deal with issue and yours seem to be the type that you wanted things to go your way. You were careless not to listen your parnets or grandfather. In other words the decision you made was of your own. I see and hear these types of stories everyday. I joined this site to explore and prove a point to others that mostly we as gay men just all want sex. I have guys hittin me up here in Atlanta about giving me oral and this and that. I look at them as death sentences. You did not respect yourself and for that main reason you now have to fight for your life. I wish you all the best. Truly the truth hurts and its said to see a young guy as yourself having such an aweful disease.

  • Well, how many of us happened to have sex with someone + without knowing?! The world is hypocrite about it cause in theory everyone sexually active is exposed to all the risks of the game…
    - found out my + status same week of my b’day as well. It was hell! – cried a week, but soon it was all gone. It’s been two years since then and no one knows of it. It is not that hard to keep a secret! My family for more modern and informed they are, would not let me live the life I want (I am overseas, in a bit of hostile place concern HIV people, enjoying my recent 30′s).
    My advise for you is: do not make a big deal with that. Get informed, thank heaven (or whatever…) for being able to have access to resources, and live your life!

  • I have been positive for 20 years. Back in 1992 I was loosing a lot of weight and decided to get tested. Something in my mind told me I was positive without getting the results. When i was told of my infection, I was scared and confused. Back then it was a DEATH SENTENCE. People were dying all around me, so I figured it would not be long til I to left this world. BUT with my great doctors and adhering to the medications that they gave me, and doing all that my dr told me to do I am still here today. YES it is hard to disclose your status to anyone, and YES there are those who get scared or want nothing to do with you, but for every person that turns you away, there are many others that come to your side. HIv is now no differant than having any other disease or disorder. There are people all around the world with cancer, sickle cell anemia, diabetes, MS, and other disorders , it makes you no differant than them. For those that are not educated on the disease and how to prevent it, let them walk around in ignorance. If someone loves you they love you unconditionally. SAFE SEX prevents any type of disease. What you did to become positive no longer matters, no since in crying over spilled milk, just thinking about it will effect your physical and mental well being. Now is the time to move forward, know that you still have a long life ahead of you. Know that you are not alone and that there are several groups to go to and meet others that are dealing with the same problems. Also know that there are other HIV+ individuals that are looking for love as well and are grerat people to get to know and love. Also know that there are many + individuals out there that are your advocate and have accomplished great things while being +. Do not give up, or let those that are stupid to bring you down. Like I said I have been + for 20 years, I have never been in the hospital, never had any OI’S. or major complications. I have a great life and I am loved by many people. I wish you the best and send all my prayers your way.

  • Personally I don’t see a reason why one should be judged or treated harshly because of their positive status. Bad things happen to genuinely good people sometimes. That being said I am 10 times more fearful of guys that list “anything goes” on their profiles than I am someone who lists their status truthfully. Ive dated both negative and positive men and would hate to think I would have ever missed out on something great because of small minded thinking and misguided perceptions.

  • Pos-aphobes are not educated! Ive been + for 30 yrs., but my regimen is simple now that I take the pills 1x a day. yes it has its moments of tedious. but I’m still alive. Amfar is a good referral service worldwide, & can direct you locally for help with your independence, counseling, groups who are supportive to your youth, status, shelters, etc. Please look for alternatives. to your current state. Not playing safe is an esteem issue at times, search out we gays are everywhere and are parents, children, all kinds of individuals worldwide. Internet has healthy

  • in a real world situation people would probably take the time to get to know you but on a website that is used for specific reasons, then yes , hiv is a reason to not want to get to know a person. its their choice. its a fact you will need to get over. I’ve dealt with rejection because of my HIV status for longer than you have been alive.

  • hey bro keep your head up. and most importantly dont let oth influence how u feel about yourself. people include strangers, media, family, friends whoever. people have things wrong with them all the time but the people who are confident regardless of what otjers think they win…being poz is no different than diabetes or some other little inconvenience………if someone judges you. for being poz do yo really want to be with somebody who passes judgement on someone based off of wht theyve read or heard….your growing and learnin alot about life so u dont want to b with someone or even entertain someone thats still so ignorant about life

  • You have a long life ahead of you to make good choices and to meet people worthy of the insights you will develop and you grow and expand your awareness. Life, Love and Learn

  • I can only imagine to understand the pain you must be feeling. I had an oral sex with stranger few months ago without using protection. It was only later that I found out oral sex is not 100% safe from HIV infection. I got terrified and checked myself for HIV immediately. I am 22 yrs old too and felt bad for being naive. I am HIV- today and feel that all individuals irrespective of their status should be loved and cared for. I am proud of you for sharing your life’s story with us. Thanks

  • Hi Demetre I’m so sorry about your HIV status I want you to know that I’ve been HIV positive for the last 14 yrs and I’m now 62 yrs old and plan to be around for the next 20 if i can helped it , changing your life style and been around the right people is a must please feel free to contact me as many time you wish , take care and hope I have been some comfort to you. your friend , Frank

  • I’m a positive friendly person and have dated positive people myself and am still negative. I love having friends to and I don’t like to speak bad about anyone unless they start on me first. I would love to get to know more positive people we are all one in the same we are human and we make mistakes but we all just want to be loved

  • Hey!!Demetre Live Your Life The Best You Can and don’t worry about what people say or think that’s on them.1 day the man 4 U will come your way and he will Love U 4 U. Yes U r Young and the Possibility’s r endless 4 U just don’t give up just Trust and Believe in The LORD above and he will and can see U thru.B Strong in the way U Live and Think and Don’t Let no 1 Take that away from U EVER!!!!! Peace b with U always and May GOD and JESUS BLESS U Always!!

  • It’s not the end of the world Demetre and you can live a very healthy life despite the condition. Look for information with your doctor or entities regarding what you can do.

  • I too am only 22 years old and HIV+ Found out on my sisters birthday this past March. It’s a little funny because before i knew my status, there were profiles i would ignore or see profiles of such young guys and think how sad it was to be positive at such a young age. Now it’s me. Some days I feel like just a statistic, my family doesn’t know my status and i don’t plan on telling them any time soon. a couple of close gay friends know, but only a handful, and two of them, they’re like my gay dads, have been amazing support along with other new friends who are positive that i’ve been able to talk to about this, and kinda of get the reality of this and not just the doctors perspective. The hardest part of this has been seeing hot young guys and thinking that no one will want me because of this, or that i can’t go after someone for a real relationship and not just turning tricks. The depression comes and goes. it’s a struggle, but it’s something myself and other men, young or old, will have to live with.

  • I want to let you know that you got balls. Not many people are willing to share the traumatic stories that happened in life, even on a forum on a4a and from what I’m hearing your getting stronger because of them. You are a person of substance and worth and you are seeing that too. Its sad to say that lots of guys think they’re negative or really don’t know, and this is where we are with the epidemic. But being HIV Positive doesn’t mean you we’re bad or dirty then or now. Its time for you to embrace your youth and walk the path to the person you’re meant to be. Fuck all those bitches who turn you away or say they’ll never date you. This is A4A; lots of bodies, lots of sex, rejection and sometimes lots of fun.You just got to find the pearls amongst the pigs. Take care of yourself and love yourself first.

  • Dont pay attention tto what ppl say sum are ignorant ssum are just plain stupid do what makes u happy and remeber ur still the same person , with a higher risk of getting sick but if u take care of ur self u can live for a long time….. look at it this way u will be healthier than sum of us here…

  • I have been poz officially since May 1998 I knew 2 years before that from an anonymous test back whwn you could do that and I was raped and infected 2 years prior, so dealing with HIV for the best part of 20 years I know all too well what you are going through, I too have a mother that wants to be in control. It has been a long hard road to travel but I learned that no matter what I know who I am and I make the best of my life. I make sure right away that I tell the people I am chatting with that I am undetectable, let them make the decision to continue speaking to me or not. I figure weed oit the people who can’t handle it, and they will never know how good of a person I am and how good of a friend I could be. I never expected to get a long with everyone.
    Hope this helps in answering your question.
    Peace

  • hey there – my ex bf is 22 and recently found out he’s poz – as well as myself. dont let the negative feelings or reactions get you down.

    if someone wont give you the time of day because of your status, its their loss. no matter what, there will always be others out there who will be interested in you, regardless of your status.

    not to mention that there are a TON of poz guys out there who are looking for the same thing as you – acceptance. you’re still young and full of life, keep your chin up and dont let anyone get you down :)

  • i agree with each and every one of you men. Demetre, i pray God give you the continuing strength to accept and succeed in ur present time, and future. i am negative, and i sympathize with you. i dont know, and pray to God i never know the feeling and experience of what you are going thru. none the less, HIV is part of you. IT DOES NOT MAKE THE PERSON. there are a few people in the world with HIV and are in succesful relationships. try looking up the movie, “LIFE SUPPORT”, starring Queen Latifah. HOWEVER, no matter how much you wanna have sex with men, BE HONEST WITH THEM!!! its only right. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

  • Qiute a bit of information missing from ur post BUT to answer ur question..YES hiv is a reasin not to date.have.sex.or get to know someone….ur post is misleading…do u want friends or guys to WANT U w ur nude pix?……fact is u had unprotected sex n velieving guys were neg shows how immature u are/were…in this day n age I am AMAZED how stupid guys are w bb sex….if u want guys to accept u then join poz groups.poz hook up sites plain n simple…..it is what is n NO one wants to get it…….wish more poz guys would stop bitching n moaning that beg guys don t want them…….u may find 1 in 50 who is willing to date u but if u want sex only…better stick to other poz guys

  • Im sure there is a bunch of guys that feel like this. My thing is I will be anybody’s friends HIV+ or not if we have something in common we’re cool but I will not knowingly have sex with someone that is positive no sex is worth the risk so always use protection. But i have so much respect for people that are brave enough to let people know.

  • I have poz friends however which is not a problem but this subject has caused fights among us….I hate when poz guys cry foul when dates walk out on them once they reveal their poz or when guys put their clothes back on once they reveal this fact DURING SEX….really..be a MAN n put ur status on ur profiles so guys know AHEAD of time n can make a decision B4 as whether to meet I or not…..if guys freak that u are poz….no offense but u got urself in this mess…ACCEPT IT

  • I’m 25 and I too , gone through the same things.. I really feel for your story… Do you have kik? I would like to tell you mine and how I don’t look at it as a curse but a benefit.. Not the best but it does had it’s perks.. My kik is sincerelyjojonoel .. Anyone could hit me up. Converse with me, exchange stories.. I’d love that. Much love for you all.

  • It really doesn’t matter in a dating or long term relationship if someone is hiv+ or not if they take precaution to know the status of their partner and always have protected sex-I’ve been taught by most doctors that hiv can’t be caught by oral means-so am not sure-I am hiv+ because I was in relationship with someone for 20+ years before the hiv and aidsscre became noticed and very public-needles to say the unprotected sex we had created hiv + in me cause he had it from needle use when he was kid. JUST BE WELL AWARE AND KNOW WHO YOU’RE SEEKING DATE OR RELATIONSHIP WITH-ALWAYS TELL YOUR STATUS

  • I don’t really feel sorry for you. You made your decision and now you have to live with the outcome. It’s the way life functions. I’m 45 and been through a promiscuous faze where I had sex with dozens of people, but regardless even if they said they were negative I always played safe. You don’t know these people so why should you trust your life to them? You were foolish. So people block you? Big deal. People block others for various reasons and I’m sure you have too. So whatever. You need to grow up. Being poz shouldn’t define who you are, although it does mean you need to be extra responsible and honest in your sexual behavior. Maybe you can become an advocate for safe sex and educate others and share your story. Much better than whining about it online on some sex site. Good luck.

  • I would think that people were more educated in 2013 to HIV and how people are living with it. I am sorry to hear about your experiences Don’t be too hard on yourself nor take the ignorant too seriously. You are yet a wonderful person and have a lot to live for. I have a friend who is positive and I would marry him on the spot. He feels sorry for himself and I know it is an adjustment, but I would stand by his side no matter what. Sexually I would take precautions, but I would make passionate love to him always. HIV is not the death sentence people would have you believe. Death is coming to all of us, regardless.

  • I feel ya on that. I was depress myself when I found out. I caught it from my ex who I thought was perfect. That made me lose trust in relationship and of course act out sexually to felt with my feelings. After awhile I’m trying to learn to love again and trust but still stuck with a reminder of what happened. I’m living my life day by day with my head up but I still have my moments just not as bad as it use to be.

  • First off please know there is nothing wrong with you. There is something called serophobia and because of the extreme stigma and misapplied tactics the gay community has embraced to prevent HIV from spreading they have basically allowed we people living with the disease underground. It’s ironic that some HIV negative people lack the understanding or compassion to actually know that by using a condom that they can minimize their chances of getting HIV. Their solution is exclusion versus education. They are not all like that though. More and more negative men and women are dating people of a different status and actually having long lasting and loving relationships. I’m Poz and my partner of five years is negative and we couldn’t be happier. So my advice is to 1. Take care of yourself. 2. Give yourself permission not to be ashamed of your status. 3. Live your young life and be happy.

  • The reality is that HIV is still a horrendous disease. It costs astronomical amounts of money, and will cause you to live a life dependent on your medications. This fact is sadly lost on my generation, as they operate under the delusion that it’s okay to acquire HIV. Sure, it takes longer to get to AIDS, but the medication side effects alone are NOT worth having unprotected sex. I always use condoms because of my absolute terror of acquiring HIV. You have one life. Don’t make decisions you’ll regret.

  • Hey guy been poz for 18 years here… Live your life to the fullest; yes HIV changed my life; but for the better… You are not ugly or any thing.. Just love and life for yourself and when God says it’s time for a love they will come… Be Blessed…

  • Hey D man listen. I’m neg @ 40. I was in NY in the late 80s thrue 01. HIV AIDS was like a plague. Lost ALOTTA friends n evermore now bcuz of a strain of “hyper-virus” your generation is even more at risk. Its written “they will be wiser but weaker” Point is educate yourself abt your status. Remember you are not what you’re called you are what you respond to. And now that you know better live better. You think you have it bad man, there were thousands that walked this road b4 you, and only the strong survived. And even a lot of them are gone. Your
    status doesn’t hafta b publicized, its an intimate subject to be shared only with sum1 you reach that point with. You don’t owe the community an explanation. When u know better, do better. Live safe for yourself n those you’re close to. Realize that posting a poz status w/ naked body shots makes.most ppl think ” no wonder” It seems your seeking acceptance n attention just remember all attention is not good intention. D, you can only b responsible for you. Your own happiness n your own life story. Live in spite of your mistakes not because of them. Excuse my type-os n feel free to respond

    makes most ppl think ” no wonder”. And it seem
    s as though your

  • Quit looking for validation from others; it’s a one-way ticket to misery. One thing I learned as a young adult/teen: THE WORLD DOESN’T CARE HOW YOU FEEL; so don’t try to hurt others by hurting yourself. Don’t make yourself into the victim; strength doesn’t come from that title as it weighs you down. You SURVIVED whatever unfortunate events you’ve experienced and now it’s time to LIVE.

    Everyone I know who is HIV+ is under 25 and many of them got the virus the same day they losy their virginity. It’s unfortunate; a guy comes along when you’re broken, young, and, naive and feels your mind with lies and garbage; coercing you to make agreements based solely off of your misplaced emotions. It breaks my heart; these young men still not cognizant enough to realize they’re setting themselves up for something bad.

    Many of the guys my age (22 like you) got HIV from men off of this site when they were younger. Maturity doesn’t come with becoming legal and thus they make poor decisions based off of their very limited understanding of things (especially here in the inner city). When I was in middle school, 120 students were expelled from a local high school for caring the AIDS virus. Teenagers, many still with the maturity of an elementary child, they don’t know any better because there is no one around to show them. The goons are quick to notice youth and reprogram them while they’re still essentially a blank slate. The youth doesn’t learn until he’s experienced these days… after the fact.

    Very unfortunate.

  • There is life for you. I was diagnosed in 1988 and still here on no meds. It may look grim but it’s not. If you on here to find Mr. Right not here try next door. LOL. You need to get help with your depression I’m working on mine. Yes you do feel worthless but you’re not you just have to ignore ignorant people both gay and straight. If people lie about their dick size, their age, weight, height even to say they a versatile bottom but actually a bottom period, what makes me or you think that all of a sudden they get this honest feeling. No assume everyone’s positive and you never go wrong. And those dates they put in their profiles please give me a break. Haters will always hate and yes those dates of test is also a joke, show is the results on paper cause we don’t take your words.

  • Boricuamix – we really don’t need to know about your discriminatory sex choices. Keep them for yourself and don’t spit them out in public. Thanks.

    When I found out, it also was a life changer. Things become much clearer. What matters and what doesn’t has never been more apparent. And it’s beautiful.

  • Hi, I read your story, and i am sorry that people treats you like that. they should have overlook your Hiv status because it does not define what you are as a person. You are a human that make mistakes and is paying for it. I would be friend with person if they are HIV positive or not. Keep your head up high, and you would find a person who would love you for who you are..

  • (Boricuamixn216) The only real protection is celibacy. So if you’re not willing to let go of sex all together, then even using condoms you are still at risk or std’s. Thats why in the small print on condoms they make you aware they dont protect 100%. And not all std’s are spread by raw sex, some require just skin to skin contact like syphilis by just coming in contact with the rash. And to make a comment in the day and age about never being in relationship with someone that is pos, you kind of have to ask yourself are you 100% sure the guys you have connected with are %100 clean and not just of HIV, HIV is sometimes much better then slower process then some of the other things.

  • wow man when I tell you I’m having the same feeling myself I just can’t believe it and then we actually became positive on the same year and it looks like we might have the same birthday and your story is mine lol when I tell you down to detail we had the same struggles we went through the same thing I was in the hospital I was arguing with my bad I did all that too I just can’t believe some I really going to the same thing I did but

  • Listen this year I was diagnosed March of this year. I struggled most with understanding the fact I couldn’t have a biological child without possibly passing it on to them. I wasn’t mad at the person that infected me because I was young, dumb, and I thought I was invincible. Another thing that I struggled with was knowing now that I am now a “statistic.”
    After my first few weeks of thinking life would be easier if I ended it, I thought to myself. I had family members commit suicide and I realized how selfish I thought that act was. I still think of it now and then, but when I do I pick up the phone and call any of my friends or even my own brother, and those thoughts are immediately erased.
    As an educator, I don’t see my status as a stigma. But more of a calling. I see it as an opportunity to educate the small minded. And yes that does include people who says that they can only be friends with people who are positive. I am in a healthy relationship with my partner and he is negative and sees me as his boyfriend who happens to be positive NOT my positive boyfriend. I also see this as a why to help people play effectively and positively with the cards they were dealt with.

    I am still adjusting to this life but it will not define my life nor who I am. And I hope this helps some people out

    Peace and Love,
    Brad

  • You say “I can’t believe people would lie about having HIV.” Uhhh, if you chose to have unprotected sex with said doooode, why the hell then didn’t you prosecute him?? That’s against the law…big time. Second, most whores have no clue they’re infected cause their whores.

  • Demetre, dude i totally hear what your saying and it sucks BAD! I’m positive too. But undetectable. We should talk, be good for each to vent and share thoughts. Let me know how to find you, i think it would help

  • I am sorry to hear that you have gone through so much at an early age. There is just one issue here I would like to contest. The general message now-a-days is that HIV is not a death sentence, and we can agree on that. However, I think if we downplay the toll that it has mentally, socially, physically, and sexually, in combination with the picnic that is pharmaceutical medications, it is not something anybody should shrug off if they get. People seem to not care as much anymore, an attitude of “Oh, it’s no big deal, not life threatening anymore.” We should be more vigilant and not go back to the way things were in the 80s

  • If people are going to take the risk in having unsafe sex then this is the outcome they have to look at. People do lie about their status and you kind of need to act like everyone you sleep with has it. People need to learn to be a little safer and learn to love themselves…

  • It’s a very reasonable fear to a lot of people but it shouldn’t make people into jerks. You have to take into account that a lot of gay men are very shallow. stuck on looks over personality. their profiles state they are looking for friends yet if u are not in their age range or if it’s an older man only attracted to men under 25 they won’t even answer a simple message saying hello how are you, but yet they want friends. you put up picks of a naked hot 22 yrs old then everyone wants to chat and be friends. the naked kind of friends. its very unsettling. I have always practiced safe sex, once I am seeing someone monogomously for several months then I am open to unprotected sex with a clean ddi free monogomous boyfriend. umfortunatly for me my bf was hiv + and he lied to me saying he was negative. even went and took a test for my benefit but lied about the results . So guess what happens next??? Yup I got it from him because I believed the man I loved and trusted. I got tested because he came clean and told me the truth after months of lying and unprotected sex. his reasoning was that it was hard to date when ur pos so he figured if I had it too I would stay with him. Soooo wrong was he. It change my life dramatically. I told my family and was basically exiled for being a whore cause that’s who gets the desease only. I had to move on , on my own. I couldnt tell my friends because I couldn’t handle another rejection like the one I got from my family so it took a long 3 years to deal and come to terms with it. I still don’t advertise. my friends don’t know except 2 very close trustworthy friends and my family is slowly coming around 3 yrs later of their ignorance. it is not posted on my profile I am pos but I always tell men in chat or in person and it ends one of two ways. they never talk to me again. or it’s another person who is pos and now he wants nothing but BB sex. which makes the desease mutate or u get infected with another strand . for me one strand is one to many why do pos men want BB sex with other pos me just to keep getting infected? That is so idiotic to me. I have a friend who had 5 different strands of hiv but yet he will not use a condom and he is only 20. I am not looking for bb sex I am looking for someone to love me and be with me for who I am not for what I have or be someones trick for the night. it was hard enough to date before because I am not model material and I am in my high 30′s but now being pos because I was lied to turn hard to find a bf to damn near impossible.

  • Demetre: It took a lot of courage to tell your story. Much respect to you my friend.

    Your blog post was perfect timing for me – I was just chatting with someone that is young and HIV+. This guy could not understand that what was turning me off about him was his mouth and very poor attitude, not that he is POZ.

    He blames everyone around him for his problems and he doesn’t see that HE is his worst enemy.

    Demetre, instead of focusing on all the douche bags on A4A that won’t hook up with you, you should be focusing on YOU and how to better yourself as a person – that goes for everyone, HIV neg or poz.

    Michael is absolutely correct. A4A or any sex/dating site cannot give you a healthy self esteem. You are looking in the wrong place.

    As a stranger, and based on your blog, allow me to offer some friendly advice, my friend:

    > You’re a grown man, GROW UP some more! It’s time to leave mommy and daddy and get your own place and have your own responsibility. The feeling of accomplishing something on your own will go a long way to providing you a healthy self-esteem and self-respect.

    > Surround yourself with supportive friends – not the kind that like to party and be reckless with – but the kind of real friends that accept you for who you are and who challenge you to become a better person.

    > No, HIV+ is not a superpower! It’s now a manageable chronic condition and you should put yourself in an environment that enriches your life in all aspects – great job, get some spirituality, open a savings acct., get a healthy sex life, etc.

    I have to use the example of my best friend – he is HIV +, he is in a committed LTR with his HIV neg lover, he finished college and is now in a rewarding professional career, he and his lover just bought a house and are thinking of adopting a child one day.

    So you see. STOP whining and feeling sorry for yourself and take charge of your life. If my best friend could turn it around from a life of drugs and random sex, so can YOU!

    Believe in yourself and others will too.

    I personally do wish you the very best! :)

  • When did the [self-labelled] “naive” action of a young person become the label by which a person will only be known?

    I only read the words of someone who admits he has and is going through some tough times with depression, primarily due to a very negative parenting environment. Depression can make the best of us make very stupid decisions. Yes, STUPID DECISIONS!

    I do feel sorry for Demetre. [And I can feel sorry for him, as I've been there with depression, for other reasons.] His problem is a lack of self awareness and self worth. Once he does work through these issues, I’m confident the question he asks above he will learn to be a mute point in his life.

    As for those “stupid decisions”: Being HIV+ isn’t a death sentence, but that is up to him.

    And next time anyone thinks they want to judge Demetre, let me know right as you leave the bar with a buzz and get behind the wheel of their car. THAT is the most stupid decision that is a death sentence.

  • Very complex question…. getting to know someone and developing a relationship creates vulnerability… that is GREAT if everything works out. We all, whether size, shape, color, language, infirmities, desire love and intimacy. I think most block for the two reasons… to protect the vulnerability of their emotions, in addition to the condition… they cut it before it begins. Those others block because: searching for sex although their profile says friends, lack basic communicative skills and passive and you can catch the virus by chatting with others; do not tell me you didn’t know! FORGIVE ME for my cynicism!
    I think perspective is the key…. others, like yourself, take people for their word and mislead. Sometimes, it’s better to know their status because others do not disclose…. at least you can better prepare although there is no 100% safeguard other that abstinence.
    Thanks for sharing your experience man… when in the dumps, think what you have done to make it in your worst times; also think…what/ why have you come this far?

  • I say HIV isn’t a reason a person should’nt be given a chance, I’m negative and I’ve been wit guys that are both negative and positive and I don’t see the differents between the two! People shouldn’t judge eachother so harshly especially within the gay “community ” as we call it, u never know what a persons story is bt u will never know the person if u can’t see pass the HIV! And that’s sad bc u could be missin out on a very gud friend or lover!

  • Hey Demetre, thanks for sharing your story. I, too, am a young person diagnosed with HIV. I am 23 now but have had it since i was 20 or so; i was diagnosed in March 2010. I see you have been through a lot, and i am very sorry. But having HIV does not make you any less of a person. I know there are people who are really not nice about it, but there are also always those that ARE, and those are the people you should try focusing on. Otherwise, do YOU and live life as you should, make something of yourself: a guy who is smart, educated, and has stuff going for himself will always nab the attention he needs. I’m sure you will be fine, and if you ever feel down or need help, you can always call a counselor or special hotline. Take care my young peer and remember: you are NOT worthless and unwanted! You are YOU and HIV will never change that…*hugs*

  • Flush those that bring you down and embrace those that lift you up. Use protection every time you have sex and enjoy your life everyday. All is easier said than done but you have the rest of your life to work on it. Best wishes :-)

  • I read the entire story and thought for a minute. There’s multiple things that need to be addressed. The overbearing mother, Mental Depression and then HIV status. Listen. You are now an adult. Albeit a very young and still somewhat naive adult but yet an adult. Men can not stay under their mother’s roof but so long if the have a desire to be free and grow. You’ve made that apparent. Yes, you made some life altering and very serious life changing mistakes. I will say this; that which will not kill makes one stronger. I’m sure you’ve tried to reach out on sites for some type of compassion but that’s not where your ultimate success of happiness will come. You have got to make sure you have found some love in your heart for your well being and mental stability. Yes, you have HIV. It is not a death nail. Prostate cancer will bury any person much faster and if you take the precautionary measures and get the help you need require your life can be lived to the fullest with out an explanation or character assassination. I wouldn’t concern myself with finding a partner and just spend time working on your inner person’s state of mind as well as your physical health. You will come across those who can’t deal with a HIV Pos person as a partner. So be it, they weren’t meant for you. Take some time to heal and make daily plans as well as pursue them that will ultimately bring you happiness. Find a local support group and reach out to them for assisting you in developing your character. Cyber is not the place to find love. When you get dressed each morning, you dress as though you have an appointment with GOD. Don’t fall short on that one.

  • Keep your head up young one! Proud of you for making a stand! Don’t let your status define you.

  • People (for example boricuamixn216) can be very ignorant to HIV! People like that are the ones who think they know it all about the disease and get infected and become bitter and pass it by lying. Continue to be you! You will find some who will embrace you for you without having to entice them in other ways! Be grateful that you don’t deal with those like boricuamixn216!

  • Demetre, your story not only brought tears to my eyes but it also made me very angry. Having to deal with so much at a young age can bring you a sorce of strength and maturity. Contracting Hiv is something that we all will come to grips with at sometime in our lives, whether having a loved one being affected, or being dignosed ourselves. Surround yourself with people who love you for you, not your health status. Look for support groups in your area to get the proper support you’ll need to deal with your situation. It’s very important that you take care of yourself first. All things will fall into place. Many HIV Positive people do have lives, careers, raise families, relationships, etc. Keep moving forward and you will find happiness.

  • drea god people needget over the singma of hiv and aids peopl werre not livein tuebh 1980 where aids was a deadlty disease shit if caught you cna still live with it for years that hell ihave date some who was hiv postiave that iwould date some who was peopole refuseto use a condome becasthey think ti cant happed to them tis siy ffact boys aids not not gay, pore , black or white persons doideadse aids dsonet drmites any one can can get remere that one people fear what really shold not profect your selfs boys no gove no love

  • I have long thought about this, it actually has come up a few times and at times i would deny someone i am clearly attracted to for my own fear and nothing at all to do with them. If you are positive its the catch 22 situation, its not you they are worried about its themselves. While contracting HIV isn’t as easy as it seems it also can be easy to get depending on the person and his or her body but i agree that a website shouldn’t dictate your value as a person. We are never going to be everyone’s type .. Hell there are people who don’t like a lot of the so called attractive people in the world. I think its a matter of navigating through your life until you reach the person that will give you the benefit of getting to know you first.

  • You are a brave man… and proud of you.
    I had only 1 bf in my life, I was 14 when I met him. I was going out with him for 8 yrs before he passed away, he was HIV Positive.. I’m Neg as of this day.. and he was only 28 when he died leaving a daughter behind. At first I didn’t realize what affect this could do to a person, I was young I thought this will go away until I educated myself about this Desease. I was there when he first got in the hospital, I was there to feed him, bathe him, and change him, I was there when he said his last words which was: “Tell my family I love them all, I love you so much and I’m sorry for everything”, and I was there when they pull the plug and when he took his last breath at 2:22 pm on April 24th 2010… after that I vowed to make sure everyone gets educated about this.. SPEAKING OUT is key, so thank you for sharing this story of courage, strength, and heart…

  • Wow. Powerful story. I play super duper safe. In fact I only do oral( give or take) with condom. This story let’s me know I am right in my thinking. We’re guys, some of us will say or do anything to bust a nut. Some of us would happily go bare even if they knew they were poz.

  • While i do not know what is to be told that you are positive, i have been lucky to have know several pos guys in my life, as long as you reflect a positive frame of mind and do not dwell on just that you are pos then you can and will find someone to spend the rest of you life with, I was invloved with one guy when he found out that he was positive till he traded me in for a younger model, lol . my last boyfriend was pos when i meet him and we stayed together till last year when i got tired of the way he treating me about over lot of little things, we still live together as roomines. Hiv is just another bump in the road of life go over it and move on.

  • Demetre, I know what you are feeling! I found that the str8 guys were more accepting than the gay guys. You would think it would be the other way around! Being HIV+ IS NOT a death sentence anymore. The strides that have been made are awesome! Most HIV+ people are livning well into their 60′s and 70′s+ You need to believe you are special and have that attitude, too Only you can make the difference in your life!

  • Just do yourself a favor and do the research about poz/neg couples….There are so many of them and there are ways to make it work. If there is love it can work…..It’s hrd enough to find a partner as it is so don’t count out us poz guys……..Do the research about hiv treatment and transmission risk with a person on meds and undetectable….It is a sin to find that special guy and start to care and have hiv get in the way……Don’t quite understand how hiv is a symptom of a greater issue with someone but that could be another conversation for another day. I have hiv and I contribute to society every day in the kind acts I do for others and my family…….

  • Demetre,
    I am 63 and diagnosed with HIV in August of ’05. I was married, 3 grown kids, very sick, thought I was going to die and I really didn’t care. I thought my life was over. Boy was I wrong. I understand exactly how you feel but there are many support groups available where u can meet other poz people and can share your feelings. There is an incredible number of poz friendly people as well. I do not know why people in our own gay community can be so hurtful and rejecting of poz people, but there are. It is there loss. i wish there was some way we could talk. stay strong…Bob

  • You are very young and you should remember that being HIV+ is not a death sentence. For various reasons people (straight and gay) don’t want to get to know others they meet on their life journey. An example for me would be that I don’t find married men on the DL interesting and avoid getting close to or even creating a friendship with any of them. I am sure you can name a “group” that you don’t want to get to know, because you may have had an experience with or just don’t see that “group” as trustworthy. Even though it may be judgmental, it is a way an individual try to justify his/her internalize bigotry code. With that said, you may want to culitivate one or two friends, not try and becomes friends with everyone. Notice, I use the word CULTIVATE since friendship is not something you throw yourself into, it grows and grows with good nurturing. Not everyone will put their hand out to you when you reach out to them. If you want to really have the upper hand then you need to educate yourself and ensure that you are in a position to take command of your life. People are attracted to others who are in control of their careers and their personal lives. Weakness is not something that anyone want to be around. Don’t let anyone sense weakness, they will flee and you will be left standing wondering what happen.

  • I go through the same thing. People can be very cruel towards someone that is positive. Having this disease and everything that goes with it is hard enough. Then you add all the hateful people to the mix and it makes it twice as difficult. I don’t understand why someone that is negative can’t have a nice friendly chat with someone that is positive. I have never lied about my status and it sucks that there are people that do lie about their status. It does make the honest poz guys look bad when there are so many liars out there. The negative guys need to learn to be nicer to their positive counterparts and be a community! If your having bb sex there is no guarantee that you’re having sex with a negative guy. Not everyone knows their status and neither can you. So be nicer to the people that are positive and honest about it! You don’t need to sleep with them, but you can be friends with them!

  • I’ve been poz since I was 18, just know that there is a lot of people in your situation. After reading your story I felt very connected to it, I’ve dealt with my mom kicking me out when I was 17 and started sleeping around also. You would never think there’s other people out there with the same story as you. I would just say keep your head up, don’t let anyone get you down. I’ve been undectable for 8 years now, I date, I do everything a person negative does. Just always use protection. I was in a long term relationship with my ex that was negative. :)

  • First off… let me say- it’s not the end of the world… I happen to be a good bit older than you but got infected from my boyfriend/lover (of 5 years). We were tested and were both neg. when we decided to become exclusive with each other. Only after a few years when I got extremely sick, I was diagnosed as being poz.
    I had learned that he hooked up with a guy one night when he was drunk at a bar- who stated he was neg. Well guess what- he had become infected and didn’t know it-
    Now I’m on meds- healthy as Hell and my EX
    has full blown AIDS because he never had any symptoms or got sick… What a price to pay…
    My point is… I’ve actually met the love of my life, he’s okay with my situation- we play safe and he gets tested every few months to be sure…
    The situation sucked (in a bad way)when it happened but happily ever after for me!
    Life goes on…

  • Hey Demetre!

    I understand. Not just saying that. There a some really good,nice, people you would feel comfortable around and have others to compare situations with. try this, I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it would be a great experience for you. http://www.youngpositives.com/Welcome to the community!
    San Diego Young Positives (SDYP) is a supportive social and educational group for HIV+ young men, focusing on those who are recently diagnosed, but we encourage all San Diego area HIV+ men to attend our events. We sponsor social events such as movie nights, BBQs, parties, hiking and more. SDYP was begun in 2004, has over 200 members and is a 100% volunteer organization I personally have hung out with these guys and they are coming up with some great things to involve new young Poz fellahs in. Good Luck! And there are also couples more knowledgeable about serodiscordant couples(a Poz and Neg couple)So all is not lost. And these help dispel the urban myths about HIV.

  • I’m not being mean but I can’t feel sorry for anyone who goes out willingly having unprotected sex and expect to be invincible. That’s a rather ignorant way to live your life out of the sake of a few minutes of pleasure. I’m young myself, going on 23, but being young does not mean you are bulletproof and that’s something a lot of young guys percieve themselves as.

    One of the first guys I’ve dated was HIV positive, I was 18 at that time. But I never judged him since understood. We never dated long enough to have sex, but I didn’t see him any different. And now an ex of mine whom I am still friends with today contracted HIV two years after we broke up from a guy he is dating, he is still now with the guy only because of he feels as though it’s easier for him to be with the person who gave it to him, than to face rejection from trying to date again. It’s a rather destructive situation since he is with him for the wrong reasons.

    In my opinion it’s a bit childish that people do try to shun those who may be infected with an STD as an outcast. Yes, I don’t pity those who were basically asking for it by having unprotected sex, but even I know that they don’t deserve to be blocked or ignored because they are open with their status. I do respect those who are open with their status. There are so many sick people out there who go as far as to fake their status through edited documents just for the sanctity to fool others.

    So I don’t think anyone should black list anyone out of their status. First of all, everyone in my eyes is potentially a risk. Just because someone says they are negative, they are now datable and no further discussion about the subject is brought up?

    There is so much to say on this subject and really I could go on. In order for our community to get a better grasp at understanding and appreciating one another, there are things both negative and positive individuals need to do better in order to remove this black cloud that hangs over the community. Those negative should not be so hasty to close the door on someone great just because of their status, and more people who are positive should learn to be honest from the get-go to get rid of negative stigmas.

  • hi Demetre
    I know what you are saying I had a very good friend that had hiv god rest his sole me I will talk and hang out with anyone friends are good

  • After reading the blog and then the comments it made what to say some thing.. and mostly i just read and move on. But this one made me want to say some thing, if you read it or not. Life and every thing does change when you are diagnosed with HIV. I had many close friends when i told to turn there back on me or some to say that’s fine, but stop talking to me and ask me not to come to there house.Coz they thought they would get it if i use there bathroom or drunk out of a glass. But to me that tells me how people really are. Its like if you are cool with it do what i do and open a dam book, or hell every one has the internet and smart phone.. Google or Bing (HIV) and read. Don’t make your self hated.
    To me in the past the best friends are the ones that go thought the same thing you do. My best friend of 12 years have diabetes and he tells me every thing he goes thought and some times i don’t understand cuz i don’t have it. It’s the same thing with HIV.
    For the guy that will date a HIV guy and then break it off because you are afraid of getting. I was with the same guy for 6 years, he was the guy i was with when i found out and he stood by my side whole time because he loved me for me. And after we broke up cuz he moved across the US. Yes i loved him but was not going that far. He still does not have it. Do you know why….? because we loved each other and read up on it together and found out ways to have safer sex. If your love is strong you would do what ever it takes for your self and others to make it work.
    Demetre-No one said life was going to be easy. We are giving things in our life’s to see how we do with them. Yes your are young and you made the wrong choice’s, but that does not mean you are not a good person. After me and my ex broke up i thought no one would want to be with me because of the HIV thing. But i found some one that looked at me after i told him and say ok. We play safe so whats the problem here. Have been together since then.
    For the ones that don’t want to get to know you or talk to you , that is a sign that they are not people you want in your life. And i know its 2013 and life is not what it use to be we all are judge on our looks, body,and money , oh yeah and our dick size. But you can always be the bigger person and turn your head and walk the other way. NO ONE HAS TIME FOR THAT CRAZY STUFF.

  • To Boricuamixn216

    You are really an unsensitive person. This guy is putting his heart out there sharing a part of his life that is truly difficult for him to deal with, and you have nothing but a judgmental comment to add to his predicament. I wish the world was free of people like you. I do understand your position, and you are free to choose who you want to mingle with, but this is not the right place to speak out your mind in such a fashion. Commun sense and sensitivity, that’s what you need.

    To Demetre. I am hiv- and have taken all the precautions to stay that way, and believe me, none of them include no being with anyone who is hiv+, in fact, my partner is hiv+ and we have been together for over 5 years and counting. Please be patient, there are plenty of people out there who will apreciate you regardless of your race, hiv status, or any thing that may be a reason to stereotype you in any way. I promise you that time will come when more people will be educated and the stigma on hiv will be over. Until them, please, please, please, learn to love yourself for who you really are and don’t let hiv define you. I don’t need to know you to be able to tell you that you are far more valuable and have much more to offer than an hiv status. Good luck in your journey.

  • Thank you for sharing your very compelling story. I found out that I was poz when I was only 18 so I do understand how you feel. There are some true jerks online who are mean for any number of reasons but try not to let them bring you down. Good mental health is key to living with HIV. If 9 out of 10 people are assholes then concentrate on building a friendship, and possible relationship, with the one who didnt shun you because of a disease! I am thankful: even though I was raised in a conservative religious family they were [are] very compassionate. Im now 40 and in better health than some people half my age; and I had friends who did not live to even see 40 – not even due to HIV. Life is a gift and sometimes you may want to return its present but maybe the gift was to enrich your experience along the way.
    I wish there was an anon way to send msgs other than the blog because I would share more with you – and maybe we can become friends. Smile :-)

  • In life, I’ve learned there’s nothing definite but death. Being diagnosed with the HIV virus does not guarantee you will die from it. In addition, it does not guarantee you will die before any HIV negative person. People who are HIV neg could–and do–die every single day from accidents, illnesses unrelated to HIV, and other unfortunate events. My point is no one knows when you will die or if you will die from the virus.

    What’s important here is to live forward–there’s no point in regretting something that you cannot change. People who are bias or ignorant or choose not to associate with those who are HIV poz have that right. They have the right to choose not to have sex with you out of fear of risking contracting that virus. On a different token, it does not give anyone the right to mistreat you or physically harm you.

    Contracting HIV, I’m sure, wasn’t an intentional decision you chose to make, but it was a risk you were willing to take. And with all risks, there are always consequences. There are people alive and well today who have lived with the virus for 10+ years and are living relatively healthy lives. Some died, but not from the virus, but maybe something else.

    If you focus on the negativity of this virus, it will kill you. My advice: surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are, inform all future sexual partners of your virus and let them make the decision whether or not to have sexual relations with you, and gain an optimistic attitude on your life. It is not the end of the world!

  • Wish you the best!

  • I would like for a4a to allow you to do something to just talk to hiv+ people and or pos friendly, then you do not get to deal with the jerks

  • I have been so blessed to have my bf stay with me even after he found out I was poz. When we forst got together I did not know that I was poz. We had unprotected sex over 100 times and thank got he still tests negative to this day. We now are very careful. I fell into a depression as well but snapped out of it. I have only told a handfull of people, which I have not told my parents. I have been poz for aboout 5 years and am still going strong. You only have to tell your sexual partners. You don’t have to tell the whole world.

  • Do Not ever feel degraded unwanted or useless,,, as others said before hiv is not that death sentence that people think of,,,, my buddy has been positive 32 yrs and is in better shape and as healthy as me,,, i remember a story my sister told me,,,,, she works as a ER nurse at a major hospital here in town, she was having a conversation with the Head of the ER dept. and he said in his own words that if he had a choice , he’d rather have HIV then any cancer. but anyways ,”D” keep ya head up bud , live your life as productive as you were living it before you found out , take your 1 pill a day , which id what they give now in most cases, and smile and be happy that some of us are hearing you out bud,, LIFE GOES ON AND CONTINUE LIVING A JOYFUL LIFE! :)

  • Demetre, I am sorry to hear about your health status, I was shocked you are just a 22 old year KID . However I always said and advise to the people 5 minute pleasure it is not worth to lose the life , Life is biggest gift from the GOD . And I don’t know why people still do not use to condoms when do SEX ?

    I am not going to use any harsh word on you , If I came a on you hard , please forgive me , I will pray for you to the GOD for your better health and brighter future

    Thanks

  • This topic is truly a must read considering the seriousness of this disease and how it’s drastically rising day by day. I once dated a guy in Atlanta who ended up being HIV + during our relationship. When we first met he recently had got tested and so did I, we both showed one another our results which both were negative, yet we always used protection just to be on the safe side. There were only two times that we had sex unprotected. One day we decided to go get tested together as a couple and when it was time to go get our results we went together as well. It turned out that he was positive and I was negative. Thing is, although his results said that he was negative when we first met he was positive, it was just at a point to where it was undetectable at the time. I was 19 and he was 18 during this period of time and no matter how strong of an individual I was I didn’t feel as though I could handle having a boyfriend who HIV +, not to mention how much of a risk I would be causing myself. Nevertheless, I loved him with all my heart and I was always there for him if no one else was and I refused to leave him during his most difficult time of need. We continued to be together and I was there with him for every appointment he had for support and to educate myself more on the disease being that I was with someone who had it. The times we had sex it of course always had to be protected. One time we were play fighting and I accidentally bussed his lip, it sucked that I couldn’t kiss him until it completely healed but those were the sacrifices and compromises I made for him, the one I loved. Moral of the story is that just because someone is HIV + doesn’t mean they should be treated any differently in regards to someone who is negative. You may never know, someone who could possibly be your soul mate may be positive but you couldn’t see that b/c you were too simple minded to give them the chance. At the end of the day to insure your well being always use condoms when you have sex, simple as that.

  • My exhusband was HIV +. We didn’t know it when we started dating. But then I fell in love. By the time we found out he was poz it was too late to back out. And I’m so glad that I didn’t. We used protection and I remained negative. Unfortunately, he passed away in Dec 2011. But he gave me some of the best times of my life and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I would not hesitate to date someone who I poz as long as the chemistry is good..
    Hang in there, you will find someone… :-)

  • No, someone being Positive is not a valid reason to not get to know them! When dealing w/ small minded people though you will encounter ignorant reactions! I myself have always looked at every person that I’ve come contact w/ as Positive so when my last partner and I was on our first date and he informed me that he was indeed Positive I didn’t see a problem b/c I am familiar w/ ways of protecting myself. I must advise that you get to a point in your life where you’re happy and then search for Love or Relationships w/ others b/c it will hender you in the success of building a budding/flourishing relationship w/ someone!

    I wish you the best and hope you do overcome your battle w/ Depression before anything! Thanks for being Brave and sharing your story.

  • I actually have to think about this one. Not to be mean, but I’ve never met an openly poz person. It’s still hard fr me to accept many different kinds of gays, so adding poz to that is hard for me to digest. Now that I type, I guess for now I know I have the sigma. I’d probly give you a plastic cup if you came to my house and ud have to pee outside.

  • Thank you for sharing your story and I truly wish you the best of luck!

  • @ Scott
    May 30, 2013 at 12:09

    “You know what guy? You’re not obligated to tell anyone your HIV status. That is private and confidential information. If people have doubts about catching something-put on a damn condom.”

    This incorrect in most states it is a crime to know your status and let a potential partner know it! Plus why would you want to take the chance of infecting someone else if you didn’t tell them and something happened unforeseen? Very bad advice Scot!!! Plus starting a any relationship based on a lie is always a bad idea!
    My advice would be to be truthful and open about your status and disregard the haters out there. There is someone out there who will love you for you and see you. Don’t live a lie and don’t take bad advice like Scott’s.

  • To every single asshole who says “i dont feel sorry for you”; you’re all classless trash and will take any opputunity to degrade, bewilder, and reduce others. You have a far worse condition than HIV, you have a bitter soul. Do us all a favor, stop making others feel worse you can feel better and find something uplifting to do with your time instead of being an asshole.

  • Your status is nobody’s business but yours! I’ve been HIV+ for 8 years now and, yeah, I went through all the same stuff you’re writing about… There’s still a lot of ignorance… But know this, if you are on anti-retroviral medication and take it rigorously as prescribed, you’re only marginally contagious, if at all… I don’t include my status in any profiles anywhere. If somebody asks, I don’t lie, but I also don’t volunteer the information, either. Its just not relevant anymore because I’m not contagious. My feeling is that when it comes to sex, its “buyer beware”. If somebody is stupid enough to bareback a known bathhouse slut like me then they can’t complain if they get do get sick! Finally, if somebody wants to avoid me because of a medical condition I have, then that isn’t the sort of person I care to associate with anyway!

  • Wow – lots of comments, lots of supportive guys…. and others — wasn’t going to add my 2 cents, but Scotts comment 5th from the top needs some correction — actually in many places, you are obligated to tell people of your hiv status – at least you are here in ohio… it is a felony, yes a felony, to have sexual relations with someone and not inform them of your status — this includes kissing – really. This was passed by aids panicky idiots that Im sure if they knew someone within 20 feet of them had hiv, they would break out in a rash. I know from experience, that there are a lot of guys out there who can be pretty cruel. Just consider the the guys who wont talk to you, or get to know you or sleep safely with you because of your hiv, kind of a douche bag filter…. Ive been poz for 27 years – all my boyfriends were negative when we met, and they still are. Its not rocket science to play safe and have a good sex life safely. And poz friendly neg guys are nice and hot.

  • It is funny that people have a thing about what i call C D L .What it means people care more for cars d@#k and looks If you have 2 out of the 3 or all 3 you are good. To me it is silly but that life. Now as to hiv it does not make you any less of a person then before. Now you have to do something you should have done in the 1st place.Use protection i can not stress that enough. It does not matter if you are stright or gay use PROTECTION. A lot of people say that are negative that may be true. Then some people say that and be lieing there natural a$$ off that wrong as hell.Bottom line is get tested and USE PROTECTION. If you do not protect your self no one else will i should now look at the name title LOL

  • One thing that I have to say is that I find it *OH SO FUCKING AMUSING* how many judgmental asses are out there. You automatically ASSUME that a person deliberately engaged in risky behavior in order to be positive. Now granted Blood Screening eliminates that as a common culprit any more, but that’s not the only way. And folks, in case you forgot yes CONDOMS CAN RIP. It’s not JUST an issue for straight folks who end up pregnant by accident. That’s also ignoring oral sex, a partner who either did not know, or deliberately concealed their status as well. But let’s just jump on the moron bandwagon and make those assumptions about others.

  • I’ve read your story and would like to take this time to tell you to be strong. I would also like to thank all the other people on here who had kind words to say. How soon do some of us forget….that being gay was once consider as being a desease itself…. and some of us if not all of us live in fear of someone finding out. Now here this young man comes along and tell his truth and the first thing that some of us can do is belittle him about a choice he made and someone else made for him. As the saying goes: He who live in glass houses should never throw stones…for the one that you belittle may one day use you as their stepping stone. Beloved, keep you head high, and live your life because the best years are still yet to be written….peace and blessing my friend.

  • demetry, I am sorry for the people who have treated that way. they are wrong.
    people SHOULD get to know you no matter what.
    I would!
    as a matter of fact, I’ve met a guy on here who is HIV+. and we’ve been out on a date. he is a wonderful person. very handsome! although I will admit apprehension at first. I wanted to get to know this guy. and i’m glad I have. we will use protection and be as safe as we can when that time comes. who knows where we will lead, but I hope it’s long lasting. I can’t imagine not knowing this nice man simply because of that. hopefully someone will take that chance with you, and be greatly rewarded.

  • hello young ima 54 year old blk u no i thought it could not happend tome i was just like livin the life havin big fun drus alcohol men al over the place so one day i decideded to go to rehab i hd noticed ththa i ws loosin weight thinkin it was the fast life so i ent an got tested an for about three days i waited im thinkin this is a joke an the ldy called me in the office an told me u have aids an i told her she was a damn lie not me she said u do i said u better damn welltest me again so she did an at that moment my whol world stoped but o make long story short its ok u got it man its not the ends of the world just do wat the doctors ask u todo an u will be fine people have cancer an servive people have diabites they survive just stay focous an u will be fine god bless u

  • Being Poz isnt a crime, everyone makes mistakes, I find feeling quilt is only going to hurt you embrace the POZ, and someone will love you for you. My screenname is DolcegabbanAboi, on here message me and I’ll help u all i can, I’ll tell you more about my knowledge and experiences.

  • My young brother you are not alone! Many of us face or have faced the same treatment that you mention in your story. I’ve been poz 8 years and looking for love in all the wrong places. I too have been rejected but I chalk it up as their loss and not mine. I recently met a very young man who says he is cool with my status and we have had some great times together. I think I’m more worried about infecting him than he is with contracting the virus from me and I’m trying to believe that he wants to be with me but after so many times of being rejected, it’s hard to believe what anyone says. Continue to live your life, follow your doctor’s orders and you will live a long productive life. Focus less on what is said by people who are not in our shoes because many of them speak out of fear which they are entitled to do. I have a standard to only date other positive men just to avoid the negative stigma placed on a positive person trying to get to know a negative person. I’m not saying I wouldn’t date a willing negative person because that is where I am now so we have to open ourselves up to those that say they are cool with it and see where things go. I wish you the best at whatever you do but make sure you put yourself first and concentrate on bettering yourself in every situation. The world would want all of us positive guys to just go away, but we have to show them that we are beyond this disease and are productive members of society regardless of the hand that life has dealt us.

  • Hey man you are young and full of life, continue your education and follow your dreams. You must LOVE you first then others will love you! Get with a doctor whom you are comfortable with that listens to you, take your meds & enjoy the life God has given you. You can hit me up anytime you want chat / talk. Take care.

  • Wow! Some of the comments are very supportive, as they should be, others are misguided. To the person who said that D wasn’t having sex because of depression, you are a fool. Many people use sex as a drug to anesthetize the pain they are going through. Now, for you my friend, I admire you speaking out. I want to urge you to never give up, and know that you are loved by many people that you don’t even know! I grew up in the HIV crisis, never had safe sex, and I also worked with blood. I was very blessed to never have caught anything. It is unfortunate that you were lied to, and in many states, that person who gave you HIV, if they told you they weren’t and they knew they were, are committing a felony and should be put in jail.
    Honey, keep your viral load down, and stress down, and take your meds. Keep strong, and be a positive example of a young gay man who is living with HIV, and can show others how to live without shame or stigma. I am proud of your willingness to share. God Bless, baby, and stay well!

  • I don’t see a problem talking to people with HIV. You’re a human being as well dammit. I’m not HIV positive, but i can understand its hard enough living with it. Then come the small minded people who feel as if it’s something in the air. If i know someone that is HIV+, I’d be good friends with them. What’s the problem with being friends??? I would assume you don’t take life for granted anymore and cherish every moment of it. I say this being someone with a physical disability, because I know people who are “different” tend to cherish life as it could have been worse. Don’t be discouraged my friend. Live life as it is, cherish it, pray to God….just be happy. And don’t forget to smile and laugh!! A day without laughter is a day not lived my friend!!

  • I relate to how you feel buddy. I’ve been poz for 12 years now. I thought it was the end of my life, too. I also thought no one in the world would be able to care for me unless they were also poz. Neither has been the case. My life has barely changed. Except for regular appointments with my doctor, and taking one pill a day, my life hasn’t changed. It’s gotten better! I’m healthier than I’ve ever been.

    So far as dating and feeling loved, you won’t believe this, but you’d be amazed at how many great guys there are who don’t care if you’re poz. Educated men with respect and integrity realize that a perfectly normal and healthy relationship can be had with a man who happens to be poz. I’ve met several great guys for whom this wasn’t a deal breaker.

    Put yourself out there! I encourage you to be honest and up front about your status if you feel comfortable with that because as someone else said on this blog, “I trust someone who’s up front about it more than I trust someone who isn’t”….at the same time, you have the right to protect your privacy and as long as you’re not putting anyone in harm’s way, then you’re not doing anything wrong. Regardless, plenty of fantastic guys out there want to be with you poz or neg, and the others, well, we can only hope that they become more educated on the matter as they’re truly the one’s missing out on living their lives and meeting what could be a potentially great match for them.

    Wish you the best!

  • I think it’s hard having HIV when it comes to attracting gay men…but it’s also hard in other ways. Age, Weight, dick size. You are definitely NOT alone in how you are treated. I admit that I can be just as shallow as others at times. But I try not to pass judgment based on stereotypes.

    These days, I am on the fence when it comes to HIV infection. 10 years ago I would not date or hook up with an HIV positive guy. Today, there are so much more knowledge and treatment about transmission and safety that I wouldn’t be so quick to make that decision.

    One thing for sure… I don’t let other people decide for me how I feel about myself. My self-worth comes from inside, and is based on how I measure myself on what I value…not how other people view me. That said though, I care about other people and their feelings.

    It’s important for me to have a good heart. And, I think if you continue to share your heart with others, the right guy will find you. The friends you make will honor and respect you. and like I said, most importantly, you will find out what truly is the best part of you. Focus your energy on that.

  • Hi Demetre, thanks for sharing your story. From the looks of your many responses, it appears to be one that both sparks much interest and opposing views. That is a good thing. I urge you to continue writing/blogging/talking about your experience because it has definitely proven to be one that touches others and sparks thought in this world. As an A4A user who posts a strict message on his profile for others who have any std’s whatsoever to pass me by, I will say in the same breath that yes I would definitely have a relationship with an HIV positive man. This may sound schizo, but here is my logic: Demetre, A4A is not a relationship site. You will never ever find your life mate here. I’m sorry to burst the bubble but happy to share the news. At the most, if you’re lucky and discerning in your tastes and gather enough self-love and esteem to demand to be treated with respect and kindness, you will gain, in the short or long run, a couple of good friends who truly grow to care about you as a human being. So do not worry at all about whether that covered A4A doorbell chimes every five minutes: there’ll be good and bad days there lol. And especially please do not fret when you tell the TRUTH and others like myself post not to contact them. Note that the only reasons many of us do it are 1) once again, this is a hookup site. We don’t expect to ever see you again based on our previous experiences, so we assume that actually getting to know the real you will prove next to impossible one we’ve fucked. Real talk here. And 2) we’re pushing away the cowards who, unlike you have done despite your negative experiences, still lie to everyone about their status. As a bottom, I take serious offense to those who top and commit this sin. No, HIV is not a death sentence and I have plenty of friends who can prove it, and agree with me on this issue. But it is still something that as you have found, changes the way you live. That is worth disclosure. So first things first, Demetre: congratulations. You’re one of the good guys. Stand proud of yourself and who you are. Demand respect of others just as you give it. Don’t base your worth on the opinions of those you cannot see. We don’t matter, you do. And the moment you realize that fully, just could be the moment you conjure into your life someone who is willing to get to know the real you. And my guess is, you won’t be introduced to him via the good ol’ A4A doorbell. Much success to you mate. Take good care.

  • I been poz for a year and it hasn’t changed my sex life I had friends I told when I found out they some told me they have it too a lot of people put neg in their profile and will confide in me and admit they’re poz as well.when one door closes another one opens the hardest part is to let go of the past and look to a better future people die everyday some get shot other genetic diseases cancer and etc we were not put on this earth to live forever in this sinful state.life goes on just protect yourself in the future from other stds like herpes and hepatitis.I’ve always been a very handsome and in shape man with an above average endowment and since I found out I’m poz I’ve discovered that flavored condoms feel just as good as getting sucked without one there are all different varities and brands of condoms that can be utilized and spice sex up and will leave you with a peace of mind afterwards knowing you didn’t make your condition worse or contract anything else most bb men are either are bitter and vicious and want others to suffer from their mistakes and some seem to have a death wish but being poz is not the end of the world.iam also a spiritual person as well and we all know the bible’s judgement on Sodom and Gomorrah and see conditons world wide getting worse dying of hiv should be the least of your worries.

  • DON’T LET WHAT OTHERS SAY DISCOURAGE YOU. LEAVE IGNORANCE BE JUST THAT. PEOPLE SHOULD EDUCATE THEMSELVES CONCERNING DIFFERENT ILLNESSES BEFORE COMMENTING. MEDICATION IS SO EFFECTIVE TODAY AND HIV POS IS NO LONGER THE DEATH SENTENCE IT ONCE WAS. I SHOULD KNOW. I’M 60 AND POS AND I’VE BEEN UNDECTABLE FOR OVER 15 YEARS. HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, TAKE YOUR MEDS AND TO HELL WITH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. YOU HAVE A LONG AND PRODUCTIVE LIFE AHEAD. SMILE, GOD LOVES YOU.

  • There is more than one way to get infected. The OP was reckless, but even in this day and age,there are MANY WAYS to get pozzed. Men get raped and pozzed, got to the dentist and get pozzed, get blood transfused and get pozzed, the list goes on and on. Those that fool themselves that just because they wear condoms- they are sage are morons. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX Safe sex is a myth. Now can you take precautions? Yes. Can you wear protection, and keep to one partner and reduce your exposure? Yes. but don’t think that because you Sero-Sort and discriminate against poz people that you will be safe. – because a man may not know he is poz right away. If two men get down together, and that all important condom breaks- then one is exposed.

    To the OP: Dude, I hate that your life has played out in this way so far. I hope that one day there will be a vaccine or a cure, and great strides are being made every day. but live your life. Don’t worry about those that would block or treat you poorly… The truth it the joke is on them. Their actions and complacency put them at MORE risk because they remain willfully ignorant. Even if they Sero-Sort and use their condoms and act like they do… they can still get caught out there. Then those actions they took will be given to them ten fold.

    Karma is a bitch

    Keep your head up. live your life in your light and truth.

  • God will bring cure to this ailment. There is nothing God can do. One day there must b cured. From somewhere don’t worry pa

  • I turned 50 this year. Tested poz 2 months before my 22nd birthday. In that time between then and now i’ve only been sick once. Not enough for a hospital stay. Support helps rather it’s the family you are born into or the family you make. I’ve been lucky to have two long term relationships. The one I’m in now turns 4 next week. Live your life.

  • I know that being HIV+ is hard but you need to look on the other side there is a HIV+ world out there. There are alot of people in the world that is HIV+ more than you think. Start a relationship.

  • Let me start out by saying I’m sorry for your health issues. It saddens me that you carry this burden. I made mistakes in my youth too, I understand what it means to seek an escape.
    I made some mistakes and did the unsafe thing for a while. When I finally had to face the music and get tested, I was relieved to find out I was negative (a second chance I DO NOT take likely, I have a no glove, no love policy that’s iron tight). But while I went through waiting for my result, I wondered about what would happen if I had been positive. Would my friends think of me differently, what would my family say?

    There were so many doubts I had. One thing that brought me to light though, was ironically a golden girls episode. there was an episode concerning aids/hiv where one of the main characters state “aids is not a bad person’s disease”
    you made mistakes and there were consequences, none of which ANY of us can judge you on. but you must know that what you did, or who you were, does not define you.

    there will be folks who are mean and downright nasty to you, but remember there will also be people who will see past the disease and love you no matter what. all and all, be strong, stay proud and remember to always love yourself.
    Keep smiling,

    Quin

  • Check out this website:
    Thebody.com

    Lots of good information and advice. Survival stories, life experiences, and medical advice.

    Lots of positive comments here and some vile comments as well. Walk a mile in this young man’s shoes before condemning him for unsafe sex. And how many hypocrites are on here saying they never bareback? Lookin the mirror guys.

  • Invincible ! you sound so much like me at a young age, thought i was invincible, made some bad choices, had several friends that i tried to emulate. Watched every one of those friends die of AIDS ! i am – neg. but it is only by grace of GOD ! I do so miss my friends, and all of the things we were getting into, bar hopping, guy hopping, alcohol induced wild party nights !!! I woke up with men that i didn’t even remember going home with…. I get tested every 3 mos. for the last 10 years. I would love to have you as a friend, romantic partner, and i wish you good health and best of luck !

  • I understand what you are feeling. I will be 41 in June and I have been living with HIV now for 22 years. However I contracted it from my partner at the time who documented paperwork to state he was negative when he had been positive for 11 years when we met. It was not easy to accept, along with the isolation/rejection at that time, but it did make me stronger. I wish only the best for you.

  • I can honestly say that I could not date someone who is HIV+ I could be friends and be polite, but I do not want to be exposed to such a threat, yes it is treatable, yes you can live a long life, but do I want to put myself into a situation where i need to take a fist full of pills 3 times a day feel great one day and like crap the next no. I had 3 friends in a year become infected by one way or another whether it was drug use, annonymous sex or a boyfriend who didn’t disclose, and it stopped me cold from dating or hooking up again for the last 5 years, I have finally come up with the courage to put myself out there again. However I will not just hook up with someone, and I have rules. ALSO to one commenter that said it is a personal decision to disclose, actually in some states it is considered the same as commiting murder and you can be charged, so yes it is your responsibility to disclose your status.

  • You have just as much right to live and be loved as anyone..regardless of your status at least you KNOW sadly most ppl dont. Stay up bruh :)
    Demetre god bless you!

  • Scott are you stupid? if u have been diagnosed with HIV and knowingly have sex with someone and not tell them and they contract the virus then the person with HIV can be charged with attempted murder! I’m not downing anyone with HIV but yes if u know it u have to tell it!

  • I think that people are free to have their opinions about HIV but first and always we are human beings and respect should be given. I think it’s brave that you shared your story, stay true to yourself and those who you know have your best interest at heart. I recently dated someone who didnt even tell me he was, and unlike most people, if he told me i could have prepared myself to deal with it, i loved him but he took my life in his hands, like a little boy with a loaded gun. Stay true to who your are, but dont invite all in your life, This is yet another journey that will strengthen your character and those that you keep close to you… Forget regret or life is yours to miss. Keep your head up man!!

    Signed an HIV negative proud loving gay bi racial man

  • I don’t discriminate against status and I have tried to really talk to someone who is HIV positive and they seemed to be the ones who didn’t want to speak to me.. So Idk.. Personally I can be friends or date someone who is HIV positive but before I have any sexual relations with a person who is positive I have to really have feelings for them

  • There was a guy called Scott who responded you have no obligation to reveal your status to anyone – I disagree. I believe you would have chosen to not has unprotected sex with someone who was HIV positive.It is not that hard to catch, because in the 1980′sand early 90′s most of my friends died. It was painful,drawn-out and sad to watch.Their was definately an epidemic, and it’s not much better because people claim hiv is hard to get. In earlier years we did not know about hiv so those people could not have been responsible for the rampet spreading of aids. People know now. If a person has hiv and does not tell he may very well be condeming his partner to death because the truth is that hiv surpresants won’t work for everybody. Many people still diequickly and it’s really sad when younger men just burgioning become infected. I know you would make the choice to not be hiv positive .Please give the choice to your partners that was not given to you.

  • In my mind everyone is HIV+ no matter what they or their profile says. They are HIV- after I’ve went and got a test with them. If someone isn’t willing to get tested, and they are asking to have bareback sex, then they aren’t worth my time. That tells me you don’t care about your self, your well being, or the well being of others.

    Generally, I only tend to feel sorry for people who get the virus if they’re born with it (meaning their parents had it), or if it was forced (meaning they were raped). It’s hard for me to feel sympathetic about people who’re HIV+ because they chose to go out and sleep around having unprotected sex with people you just met in the club, or online.

  • I’m saddened to tears that you’re HIV+, and I’m also incredibly pissed off at you for having unprotected sex. We’ve known exactly how the virus is transmitted for over 20-years, yet people still, to this day, have unprotected sex…. with complete strangers. UGH!!!

  • It’s probably important to acknowledge that Depression is the primary issue. You making the decision to have unprotected sex is clue one. Wanting to kill yourself is two.I’m sure your family knew about you way before you did.
    I had four brothers who fought a lot and acted out primaly. And most of your physical details you’ve described are quite acceptable in sex act’s., My Older brother didn’t have many options in the 80s to deal with his Homosexualaty on top of his drug usage that medicated his depression. And unfortunately my Brother died alone from AIDs not the drugs. Without the love and support of his family.

    My point: You have no choice but to live. Unless you let Depression win. Your Family’s love in happy or upsets situations is constant and unconditional. Hopefully you’ll get control of your depression before chooseing an easy way out by becoming a BB pin cushion for some demonic group of BB Walking dead Daddies. with their own aggenda.
    Pfag can educate your family if they’re that sheltered. Get to know and love you to.
    Good Luck,

  • Keep your head up, Demetre! I can imagine it must be very hard, but you are a young, intelligent, handsome young man with a bright future ahead of you. So tend to your depression (I see a therapist/psychiatrist myself bi-weekly and take one anti-depressant every day myself too, by his prescription) and take the necessary precautions and medication to help with the HIV, as well, and live your life :) You’ll progress in life, find love, advance in your career…and build the life you’ve always wanted. And if you find yourself able to, put your trust in God/the Creator/the Divine Essence…whatever you wanna call It and It’ll sustain you, as well. Sending you positive vibes and love, my friend.

  • In my opinion anyone who cannot except someone with HIV, is IGNORANT! The sad thing is its only because they are so uneducated about the disease. I would def date someone who is HIV poz and def give them a chance. I have no problems with hooking up with people that are honest and state there status. (I just know what we can and cannot do.) keep ur head up man!

  • DON’T WORRY… BE HAPPY… RELAX

  • Please stop assuming other don’t want to get to know you because of your HIV status. Please believe a grate deal of people have their own agenda. There are many of people, HIV negative, having sex with someone who does not want to get to know them. Many times, surprisingly, the feeling is mutual. Catch that shade. They just want simply want to have sex. Focus on your life, be your best and the rest will follow. I know plenty of people who contracted the virus younger than you and they have out lived many who are HIV negative. They have gone on to achieve Master’s degrees and are in loving relationships. It’s not over until God says it’s done. Live like everyday is your last. life is for the living. Protect yourself it could be worse. There are other diseases you can still catch. Love you and God bless

  • Hey, I read your story and I honestly shed tears and cry for you because you are so young to have to go through as much as you are going to go though. But at the same time you have to claim action for your own choices. Sometimes we make such bad choices and assume everyone has positive intent but in reality no one does…especially when people just want to get off and not think about the consequences of others or how they may be affected. you may say, hey that person claims they are HIV negative and they seem Nice. Well Wake up… man the eye is in the beholder. you have to assume everyone is sweet and has positive intent but never assume, the rule of thumb as i have been told and believe it or not even my parents have told me this. Because they grow up in the 60′s and 70′s is that “people will say anything to have there way with you”…and I think times haven’t really changed much, just more technological in how we meet people…especially being gay. When engaging in sexual activity you have to always assume the partner you are with is HIV positive..I know that seems negative, but if you examine the puppets that rule the world..they all seem nice, but you have to assume everyone can have bad intentions and as much as you want to trust people you really need to train yourself to read people and get to know people. As for you being HIV positive I can’t say or understand how that feels, but what I can say since I truly have empathy and I can feel your pain is that someone will still love you for who you are..I can read you and I know you are a sweet person and you will find that guy who will love you and you will never have that dark empty void inside ever again. I have been down that path before in my past because I didn’t know better but I can tell you…I did feel a negative vibe from that person and knew I was putting my self in danger luckily, I am lucky but what I am saying is that we have all been down that road of confusion and trusting people and making mistakes, but the ones that make it out alive are the ones that are just lucky. I am in my mid 20′s and honestly it sucks to try to seek guys now that I can read people better and understand intentions its difficult. Just make sure you stay healthy, and remember bro we all love you, I love you, just make better choices:-D god bless
    -Darrell-

  • I am HIV negative, and my boyfriend HIV positive we been together for almost four years, he become positive because he cheat on me, I was lucky I didn’t have sex with him for like a month when I found out he cheat, when he tested positive and I tested negative I was confused, and I know he was going to have really hard time, so I decided to be with him because I really love him and I want to support him to get thru this hard time, every time we have sex I use a condom and always, is been over 9 months since that happen I check now regularly I’m still negative, I think there is nothing wrong to share your life with someone who is HIV positive they deserve to be happy just always use condom and protect yourself.

  • First off, as a fellow poz man with bipolar depression you need to get yourself in to visit a therapist. Make it a habit as our shared mental monkey is a long term resident like our pet virus. Now with that out of the way don’t let anyone on here tell you that you got what you deserved. Those people have all the empathy of a lump of coal and usually get snarky here as they’re upset about one-night stands being the best they can hope for with their sour attitudes. Guess what boys, we all have bathrooms at home or work so go use them and change your attitudes. I can’t promise you that “it get’s better” the way you want or as fast as you’d like but keep trying. At the very least, find things to keep you busy. Try volunteering at the LGBT center or join a poz group. Nobody will quite understand the double stigma of bipolar depression and HIV/AIDS other than fellow people living with them so seek them out. We all end up being a shoulder to someone else and having done this plenty of times, it helps me put my sorrows in perspective. I wish you well and good health of both the mind and body.

  • I have read alot of the comments on here and some of you should be down right ashamed of yourselves…No wonder society has such a negative view of gay people. This young man Demetre has come here and exposed his vulnerability for the world to see in search of help. Someone who can guide him in the right direction, and alot of you have offered him nothing but CRAP…If you don’t have anything positive to say to him…DON’T LEAVE A FUCKING MESSAGE….Saying things like ” I can never date someone that’s poz”, or “You should have listened to your parents”…Shoulda coulda woulda ain’t about shit…Keep your trifflin comments to yourself…Just hope you don’t catch it…God has a funny way of bringing those down who look down their noses at others….Now to you Demetre…you will find love…Trust me…there are millions of people living with this disease and many of them are in sustaining relationships…Sometimes many of us go looking for love in all the wrong places… like A4A…Half the people on here are positive and lie about their status…You are young and have your whole life ahead of you…HIV is not the death sentence that it once was…Take your time and be patient…Love will come to you…Take your meds as prescribed for both HIV and Depression…Surround yourself with people who care about you…If anyone looks down on you because of your status…Drop them like a hot potatoe…Ouch!!!..Trust and believe, they are not worth your time or energy…Tell those bitches you are allergic to them and their negativity and to have a nice day the good ole southern way…GOD BE WITH YOU BABY…I’M PRAYING FOR YA…

  • You’re a victim of HIV and PC :(

  • I just want to THANK the REAL MEN who gave this young man some POSITIVE words to look forward to. It’s not EASY living with ANY disease but when there is the WILL, CHRIST will show you the WAY. You have a friend in me!!! xoxo

  • Hi. I’am poz too and on the other side of age I’am 48 and been poz for seven years. Good for you to share your story see all the positive feedback that should help lot. When you feel down take a break think of all the people who loves you even if they don’t know you personally and breath in all that love. Bless you are don’t you forget.

  • I think being resposible is key.I got tested two weeks ago and it wad negative. But I was certain it was positive because of the crazy things I did. Longest two weeks. I even told my partner if I have it just leave…but I got info and good advice …its time to be wise.

  • I have that same feeling sir, I found out before I even turned 21… I moved to a new state and just got crazy, was on my own and did not have family or friends around. I used to think I was invincible an could never catch it. I believed all the guys who told me they were negative and trusted everyone in a strange place… I try to believe that even though I’m positive people can see past that to the good personality I know I possess. I also refuse to believe I won’t find love because of it… You may just have to change your outlook.

  • It’s the stupid fags that keep pushing the condom “solution” that deserve to get AIDS. These idiots just let themselves be tools of the AIDS non-profits, and the pharmaceutical companies they’re in bed with.

    Wake up, stupid fags, and learn some history. Everyone on the grass roots of this issues, back in the 80s – doctors, health officials, community activists – all agreed condoms were not a long term solution, and would only be a band-aid, emergency approach to HIV. There’s a reason why there were so many unwanted pregnancies, before the birth control pill, even though there were condoms. There’s a reason why so many of us fuck properly and have done so for decades, using anti-microbial lube instead of ruining sex with condoms. And there’s a reason why supposed HIV prevention efforts never make mention of this and for thirty years have never looked into alternatives to condoms: job security.

    Fags that push condoms, and try to put men in the closet, or shame them for having natural sex, make me sick. They are far more oppressive than, and going to a level of hell, far deeper than that of Jerry Falwell.

  • Don’t ever let anyone get you down because they cant put aside their judgment. The amazing qualities u may have will shine through ur HIV status to the right people. I dont know you but u dont deserve to be blocked or ignored because of that… I will tell u that the idiot that said u dont have to tell people your status is a liar because if someone contracts the virus from u and u dont tell them u have it before u have sex u can be prosecuted. Online u dont have to say it tho. Just as long as u tell the person before you have sex. I wish u the best and keep ur head up ;-)

  • There is a million words i can say, but many isn’t needed. Reading your story is reality and i think most gay people go through the same struggles and end up in situations where family turn us away and where strangers are vicious, but keep your head up and keep living, okay? Even if my words doesnt reach out to you, i hope someones words of positive reinforcements helps. Now a days, guys are sluts and care maily about sex clearly in my opinion. We are all family, some may not reach out i will :-) be strong buddy.

  • HIV is no longer a death sentence and a chronic disease. You have a full life ahead of you so don’t let anyone take away your peace. The important thing to do is tell that virus that it won’t control you but you will control it! I’ve been poz since 1988 and still undetectable.
    I offer you my friendship and love.
    Always, John

  • Dimitri, you might not want to hear this but you are young. And if 5 people and your mom are saying you are wrong or mistaken, probably they are right.

    As for being poz, at your age, it is true, life isn’t over.

  • And as for those people who say they can’t date anyone who is pos? Ignore those ignorant shallow bigots. They do not deserve your attention.

  • AIDS(HIV) HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE 1981 AND IT IS PRETTY DISTURBING TO SEE GAY GUYS IN THEIR 20′S NOT PRACTICING SAFELY WHEN THE CONSEQUENCES HAVE BEEN STARING YOU IN THE FACE.ALL YOU CAN DO IS READ UP ON IT, AND ALL THE OTHER STD’S FREE FOR THE TAKING!

  • WOW….so many jaded people are butt hurt because people have a preference not to get involved with those who are positive. Its like they’re taking out their anger from getting HIV is being directed at those who don’t have it and don’t want to be put at risk. Sorry but that’s like saying don’t judge just because someone is a meth head, crack addict, tranny, woman, devil worshipper, etc. Its a preference just like being gay. Next time think about how gay guys are “insensitive” and “ignorant” and “closed minded” when it comes to getting involved with women because they’re “not attracted to them.” Its the same shit as black guys who don’t date or fuck white guys. Preference. White guys who don’t date or fuck other white guys. Preference. People need to go soak their heads awhile and see if a brain grows. Its always the ones who are mad because some black guy rejects them or someone says they wouldn’t be involved with a guy with HIV or a women with kids from other men. A question was asked and people responded to it with their preference. Get off your high horses and accept peoples opinions on the matter. This is why fags are so infamous for being bitter. If you can’t take someone’s response then don’t bother with the blog. No one wants to hear you talk down on someone because you have HIV and someone says they would not be involved with you.

  • The hookup sites in this country have endangered our health and spread HIV significantly by having a category for HIV status (the European sites I know never have this, and in Italy when I once asked someone on line their status they thought it was a bizarre question). It results only in marginalization of healthy POZ people with undetectable rates, and crazy and irresponsible sex between people who say or think they are negative. Stop the insanity.

  • I feel for this kid, but HIV is bad. I am weary of this atttiude that seems so prevalent to call it “POZ” like it is something good. It isn’t good, it is bad. One case where positive is bad and negative is good. Should these guys be shunned? No. I wouldn’t want to date or be with a guy that was HIV+ because I don’t want it. Would I be friends? Yes. Guys with HIV shouldn’t be shunned, but get over yourself….. normal guys don’t want HIV. Normal guys understand its a bad disease. There are plenty of other HIV guys you can date and be with sexually. Don’t critize and hate guys for not wanting you…. they are protecting themselves. And if you’re going to date someone, or have sex with them, it IS their business what your status is. I saw at least one guy who said it wasn’t.

  • Im really sorry this happened to you, but you have to live your life for you. Please don’t give the power over your life to these assholes. Please feel free to contact me if you ever need to chat about anything. I too have friends that are HIV+ around the same age. A friend of mine “J” found out when he was 22.

    Please contact me if you need anything.
    justyly@aol.com

  • hey bud.. im 54 fit and healthy and hiv+ for 25 yrs. Its gotten so much better about the stigma of Hiv. And to show you that not all men are the same.. my partner is hiv- and healthy. When love hits there are no boundries . He doenst care that im HIv + he loves me for me. Im a good man and i respect others. But its those few that are scared and lash out by putting us down . Those arent really people you want to have as an arsenal of friends. We all made our mistakes , i was married for a few years to a woman and found myself and then came out like a rocket . I trusted men i shouldnt and it was my fault due to , to much partying and not being responsible . Well with all that , I move forward what is done is done.
    1. accept what you have
    2. enjoy what you do
    3. live for today
    4. choose happiness
    5. relationships that are healthy
    6. dont compare
    7. be yourself hold your head up high
    8. get organized
    9. think positive
    10. value your happiness
    I promise you how you hold yourself and what you tell yourself makes a world of difference . what you say to yourself affects your day. Good things are out there for all of us. I hope this helps a little lee

  • Really sorry to hear that you are HIV+. It’s not the death sentence it used to be so you will be fine. Having said that I will never understand why so many gay men still have unprotected sex with casual hook ups despite all the information that is available on HIV and other STDs, this is beyond me.

  • Hey listen sorry to hear bout u being positive. Cure to hiv is bee venom. So dont be scared. Cure research is right next door from you. Its just president obama isnt wanting to fully spend money on the science to develop it right now when he should now that the bee venom carries a toxin to kill all strains.

  • By the way i also inventing or put a conjocktion together with nfc chips and cell phone technology. I call it the std chip. Check it out @ mystdchip.webs.com

  • Demetre knowing how you feel and loving yourself is step one into the HIV+ world I fond out that I was poz 2 years ago on of all days April fools day(not such a funny day for me). But finding a good group of true friends is what has helped me get through this and being a voice to my other gay friends that are just finding out their status has been a blessing for me. feel free to message me anytime you need to vent or just talk. don’t keep your anger bottled up talk it out. I never thought that I would find a partner but now i’m a year into an awesome relationship with someone who himself is poz.

    big hugs you are stronger than you know!!!

  • I don’t know what’s worse. The story this kid wrote, or the comments either bashing, or deluding him.

    Few things.

    I’m neg and date someone poz. It’s not about what’s in your blood but more so about what’s in your head and heart.

    From reading your story, you pretty much did this to yourself, out of ignorance. Now you have to live with it. Period. Simple cause and effect.

    To the people on here who say things like “Living with HIV is like living with diabetes”. While this may be true, some of us watch what we eat just as soon as we’d put on a condom. I’d like to try and avoid both if I could.

    And, um. Why is this kid bitching about it on A4A. The place where he most likely contracted it from? Weird.

    Lastly, why are so many CHILDREN +?! You’re all barely old enough to drink alcohol! So disturbing.

  • I have lived with the HIV for 23 yrs and also suffer depression and anxiety, Hep C ( liver ). I always lefy my head up and con’t my with my life. People in this WORLD can be so cruel, and spread this virus just to be mean. Back in the 1980′s, we didn’t have the education that is out there now. Educate other as I do.

  • To the writer. I am very sorry that you contracted that horrible disease. I do believe that people need to treat everyone equally. I hope people start to treat you better. I do however have one thing to say. It is ILLEGAL TO NOT DISCLOSE YOUR STATUS TO A SEXUAL PARTNER! please don’t ever think that is ok.

  • Brad : In Canada it is not Illegal, I’m not sure about the USA… But if you are undetectable, it is not illegal. And why the caps? You know that caps online means “talking louder” ?

  • Steve, so you think that getting HIV at 40 is better ? lol really? Wow!

  • For “John”.

    Wow really ? Insensitive comment? The blog asked if HIV was a deal breaker or not and I said yes it is for me. I then said I don’t know why people would have sex without protection. Not once did I say fuc off guy who got HIV that’s what you get. If youre that butt hurt over my response then go soak your head for awhile and attempt to grow a brain because not once did I say anything negative to or about the author of the story. Take your blog rage and shove it if you don’t like the opinion of others. Sounds to me like you expect everyone to accept HIV + partners. If that’s the case, I know many straight people who think you should accept and date women regardless being gay. Ass.

  • Demetre: piggy-backing off of Justin’s comments (great advice btw) I sense the root of your issues isn’t that you contracted HIV, but that you seek validation/acceptance from others to gauge your self-worth, which is not good on so many levels. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! Only then will you attract people who are right for you and worthy of that love. You should therefore seek counseling to learn what factors contribute to your bouts of depression & self-esteem issues, which ultimately cause you to make hurtful decisions. Because if that isn’t addressed then contracting HIV will be first of many unfortunate situations in your life.
    I’ll also add you should remove yourself from your current environment so you can work on improving yourself and growing as an individual. Based on your story you fought for your independence yet now that you’ve made a mess, so to speak, you want the safety net that is your mom and her home. You can’t have it both ways. Carrying the title of “adult” entails alot more than age, my friend. You have to “behave/act” like an adult as well, which means once you’ve made your mess YOU have to clean it up. And only then will people treat you as such.
    You should also stop trying so hard to be loved. Especially when you are having trouble loving yourself. As I said before, work on yourself first and when the time is right the right one will come along. It probably seems unlikely right now but it’ll happen.
    Finally, surround yourself with positive (minded that is) people who’ll love and support you and most of all, make you laugh. Laughter truly is good for the soul. The last thing you need is for negative people to pollute your psyche and compromise your immune system. If you view HIV as a death sentence then that’s what it will be. However, if you approach this as just another trial of sorts for you to overcome, you should live a long and productive life and be stronger for it. But it all rests on you and your outlook.

  • It always shocks and disturbs me equally when someone so young contracts HIV. Do NOT embrace your positive status…live with it positively by living a healthy fulfilling lifestyle. What I mean by NOT embracing is that many guys who find out that they are HIV+ throw in the towel and think that they do NOT need to worry about wearing condoms! This is furthest from the truth! You can be REINFECTED! I volunteer at the Gay Mean’s Health Crises center in Manhattan, and there are many half truths out there! Of course everyone is not honest…they are either in denial or want to relive the time when they were negative. If you are not in a committed relationship, you have to assume that all of your sex partners are positive and/or have some kind of STD. I take appropriate precaution every time! Being nearly 40 yld, gay and black, I wear my negative status with a badge of honor. It means that I am doing something right when it comes to sex.
    Honestly, the advocates need to bring back the scary pictures of the 80′s! Yes, you can live a long life with the disease, but I am just too lazy to remember to take all those fuckin meds! I am still negative strictly because it is more convenient….lol

  • hey anunaturalguy- why dont you shut up? you dont know anything about me or my life. i will stand by the fact that HIV-poz or not-is a private and confidential thing. if i wanna bareback-thats my business-nobody elses. if i wanna tell someone about my staus-its also my business. take care of your own life-not someone else you dont even know.

  • You know, I have no issues with having sex with a guy who is HIV positive. I have hooked up with a guy who is HIV positive and we used condoms. The experience was pretty great. But I do have issues with guys who HIV positive but insist on barebacking. Even though HIV is no longer the severe penalty it once was, I would still like to try to avoid it. I respect the fact that you have HIV and still would like to have a normal sex life, but please respect my choice to try to avoid contracting it as well. Just a thought I would like to put out there. But for you, I say just don’t let the harsh words or the ignorance of others bother you. If they are not interested, you can find someone else who will be. Just try to stay on the positive side (absolutely no pun intended). Things will fall into place as it should. Just keep pushing forward and try to be happy for your own sake. Don’t do what others want to try to make them happy. I think you already figured this out, but don’t do things for the sake of rebellion. Rebelling is not really going to solve anything. Just do what you feel is right. Good luck to you, buddy.

  • BEST REPLIES EVER!
    No one should shun anyone with HIV as a friend and sexual decisions are personal. I am 100% sickened by the lack of risk reduction being done these days and the idea that becoming HIV+ something that is not so bad. I am sure my opinion come from being older than dirt and watching people I care about suffer and die. BTW, people are STILL dying from HIV related illnesses.

    JerseyNHeat: “Honestly, the advocates need to bring back the scary pictures of the 80′s! Yes, you can live a long life with the disease, but I am just too lazy to remember to take all those fuckin meds! I am still negative strictly because it is more convenient….lol”

    TDG: “Many of the guys my age (22 like you) got HIV from men off of this site when they were younger. Maturity doesn’t come with becoming legal and thus they make poor decisions based off of their very limited understanding of things (especially here in the inner city). When I was in middle school, 120 students were expelled from a local high school for caring the AIDS virus. Teenagers, many still with the maturity of an elementary child, they don’t know any better because there is no one around to show them. The goons are quick to notice youth and reprogram them while they’re still essentially a blank slate. The youth doesn’t learn until he’s experienced these days… after the fact. Very unfortunate.”

    Reality: “The reality is that HIV is still a horrendous disease. It costs astronomical amounts of money, and will cause you to live a life dependent on your medications. This fact is sadly lost on my generation, as they operate under the delusion that it’s okay to acquire HIV. Sure, it takes longer to get to AIDS, but the medication side effects alone are NOT worth having unprotected sex. I always use condoms because of my absolute terror of acquiring HIV. You have one life. Don’t make decisions you’ll regret.”

  • I am curious if anyone here has seen the movie “House of Numbers”. I watched the film twice, and found it to be VERY enlightening. I recommend it to everyone. It is available on YouTube for free, or on netflix. It will call into question everything you know about HIV.

    That being said, and keeping my new enlightenment about HIV in check, I think informed decisions are the best decisions. Someone’s status should never define them, however, it doesn’t give them the right to deprive their partners of the information needed for a partner to make the decision that is right for him or herself.

    We all make choices, and have preferences (of which being GLBT is NOT one – preference simply choice, and I know I didn’t CHOOSE to be gay) are responsible as such. Make good choices, and educate yourself as much as possible.

    Our community is polarized on just about every issue out there. Can’t we just do the right thing, be honest with each other and stand together? Love knows no status, no borders, no disease, no disability. If you can walk away from a friend, family member, or relationship for something as simple (and questionable) as a (+) or (-) on a piece of paper, then you need to look deeper into your own morals and whether you truly ever cared in the first place.

    We cannot rid the world of discrimination until we rid the world of ignorance.

  • And on a side note, can we stop using the term “fag” here (or anywhere for that matter)? Sure it has historical meaning, but enough already. In the context in which it has been used here it is very hurtful, and clearly intended to be so. It’s on the level of using the “N” word, or calling heterosexuals “breeders”. Ugh. More ignorance.

  • Everybody has their preferences. If they don’t want to talk to someone with a virus that’s passed on by sex, on a website intended for sex, that’s something you need to deal with.
    I ignore 95% of the messages I receive, regardless of their status. It’s the Internet, there’s no need for etiquette.

  • Never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people continue to be. Yes, it is a shock when you find out you have it, nut just like the death of a family member we need to first accept that it happened, then we must grieve (and this is where people get stuck, feeling depressed and lingering on self pity), then we embrace it. Make it your own; I AM A PERSON WITH HIV, not a statistic or a victim. Give your life purpose, use that anger and frustration towards something useful. I have lived with HIV for 13 years, was married for 8 years and my wife never caught it. I give my life a purpose every day I wake up and educate people about HIV. Take control of it, don’t let it consume you.

  • I know the feeling and to everyone that is positive it took a lot of guts to get on here to say that. A lot of people are in denial and say they don’t have it but do. Right now I use a walker and I go to all day social day care here in NYC. One like yall said its not a death sentence just do what the doctor tells you. My hat go off to yall and I am not on twitter but send me a facebook request

  • People you all need to educate yourself on how you can and can not contract HIV. I feel for this kid, he needs to understand that he is not in the minority, I live in alameda county and gay men age 18 to 35 are 68% positive. I am sure its that high all over but the fact is people don’t say it, I have had sex with many men and only one ever has said he was pos. So I treat everyone as if they gave it. I don’t bottom ir use needles and that’s how almost all cases are transmitted, never been a proven case of transmission through oral sex. Its imposable. And topping raw its like 1 in 20000, this disease Could be gone in one generation if every person never had unprotected sex again after they became pos. Kid you will find love, it will find you and HIV can’t stop it,

  • Hello, I read your story and sometimes I feel the same way you feel except that I have not been told i’m HIV positive yet.The reason I say yet is because I’ve been with carl for 6years and took care of him during the whole relationship and he never told me he was positive until he had a car wreck and this doctor call and wanted to see him he wasn’t home so they told me when he did come home he thought that I would leave him but only wanted to talk it over to see what we needed to do instead he got very depress and started to act weird rude and strange so I did the worst and broke up with him I cried for at least a year but move on with my life then I start having myself tested ever test until this day 6years later negative now I go once a month and the doctors tell me I cant come so much so now I go to a private doctor office and he tell me the same thing negative and to stop coming so much I live by myself wondering when and if I will ever be now what i’m saying to you is that i’m sorry I would have love to have met you and be there for you just to talk to you hold you make love to you but be there with you and try to stop you from doing something stupid as i’m doing. now stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop the thinking of ending your life and start having safe sex and fun there are people who do care about you I DO.

  • Demetre, I’m Dionysus89 on a4a and just wanted to say that I am so happy to see you pushing through these challenges. I know what it feels like to try and fix depression with sex. It makes you feel loved and wanted — Even if for just a moment.

    I’m 24 and I work in the Army and civilian world as a Nurse. I see a lot of people like you all the time and I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggles. We are here along with you and if you ever need anything, let me know. I’m not the best listener, but I try.

    Best Wishes,

    Dionysus89

  • This sounds like my same issue. There isn’t a condom that will protect you 100% from becoming HIV+, but we still use them because they do give us some protection. rather if we want to admit it or not, we’ve all came in sexual contact with someone who is HIV+ and didn’t even know it. I myself have went Thur something very similar to what you have gone thru. The issue isn’t that your HIV+. They don’t care! Most of them say “safe” and always are protected. THE ISSUE IS THAT NOBODY WANTED TO TALK TO YOU TILL YOU CHANGED YOUR PICTURE TO NUDE PICTURES! Even online you can see when someone is insecure, hurt, broken, etc. and that’s OK because life is about issues, but the thing is are you ready to face them head on? being HIV+ DOSE NOT MEAN YOU CAN NOT LONGER HAVE STANDARDS. I have in my profile particularly “If I wasn’t your type with my old pics, then your not gonna be my type with my new pics with my ass out”.
    Its just that simple. I really suggest that you should take that as the most easiest & quickest way to find out who you should have around you, but keep in mind that even if A4A offers you people that you can fine to make friends with and rarely someone you might be in a relationship with, A4A is not designed for friendship, or finding Mr.right. It is mostly about sex, but you have to make it clear who you are and what you want on your profile.

  • Being HIV+ is a personal battle, so who cares what someone else thinks? True; the virus is most definitely something to be concerned about , and that is why everyone, and I mean everyone, should learn as much about it as they can. What you are experiencing is ignorance speaking, especially from those who refuse to be open-minded enough to be educated. Who needs an ignorant,non-educated, fool? Just think,”there for the grace of God go they”. You have to seek your own truth and not surround yourself with lairs, ignorance, and people who are scared to speak up for what is right and true.
    You must not only see with your heart, but with your mind. You can’t change the past but you sure enough can change your future. A4A is not your future. Anytime someone changes the way they think based on a profile and Picture , true or untrue, that’s a problem, and not relationship material. Good luck and God bless man.. Keep you head up and live your own truth..

  • I kinda agree with u. I remember when i found out i was HIV+ i literally shutdown for a good minute. It was a wake up call as to what and who i did it with and how. It was a opening for me to start taking my life a lil more serious than what i did and be a lil more happier with myself. The best thing to have on ur side at this stage in your life is GOD, friends and family members of whom you can trust. Plus u dont have to discuss ur status with everyone in the world. Only the poeple who u date and trust a great deal. Its a work in progess but you’ll get thru it. Trust me!!!

  • 1.) I think it’s illegal depending on your geographic area, not to disclose you have hiv. (The other posters on here make it sound like it’s a national law.) But it is unethical not to tell your sex partner.
    2.) I spent $2,000 on medical bills because the man I slept with didn’t tell me he had herpes.
    3.) If gay guys aren’t honest about their statuses it just goes to reinforce the stereotype that all we care about is sex and that we are fundamentally selfish.

  • There is Hiv+ there Is Hiv- There is Undetectiable this is treated hiv on the verge of distinction people stop validating someone for there positivity to know who they are.Condoms arent 100% but there are preventive medication that is you and your partner can use before safe sex.There are celebs who were hiv+ and are now undetectable to cured they can afford the med that regular patriots cant.But if your on the treatment from your local clinic you can be undetectable meaning your getting rid of virus for example your 90% undetectable. I encourage to read more there is a cure coming soon so all you that are pos dont give up hope on relationships and it wont work if you dont eat healthy,and excersise take care of yourself keep your immunity and metabolism up.

  • i am amazed (not really) by the hateful comments that some of you posted. Here’s the real deal. Pay attention to the people who want you in your life, not the ones who don’t. Me, I want people to be my friend because of who I am and not because they will or won’t date me due to my HIV status. I see all types of profiles and ads that make it a point of sharing, “Negative since 9/17/13.” An insider knows that only means you were negative 90 days ago and that you may or not be negative now. They use is to discriminate.

    Demetre–I became positive 32 years or so ago. It’s weird to see that this new generation is asking the same questions that we asked back then. When, where, how and why? I had an accepting family and I’m sad that you don’t. I can only suggest that you adapt to this new life and find new people, places, and things that compliment your life. I can’t say if you will find a good boyfriend but I know the search is pretty cool if you don’t set expectations.

  • I know some people will treat u like u can get hiv trough a pc or laptop, i am 6 years married with mu wonderfull husbant who happens to be hiv + from the begining even before our firts date he told me about his status and to be honest yes i was afraid about getting it myself. I was afraid to have sex with him even when it was protegted.but i was in love he was in love and we got married in 2008. Afther two years of dating. The only thing aboput having sex is that there allways a condom and i am still neg. I wish that u could meet a wonderfull person like i met my husbant

  • I’m Kind of shocked at some of the comments on here if there is any place the stigma of hiv shouldn’t be at it is within the gay community. But we are always the hardest on ourselves. My story is somewhat similar to Demetre’s and I’m empathetic to the situation. There are plenty of guys out there who say they are hiv- but have never been tested and for those of you who say you’d never EVER mess around with someone that didn’t have hiv if you haven’t seen the papers to prove that they aren’t how do you know? And Demetre is 100% correct on it not being a death sentence. I found out i was pos on my birthday(great present I know) and it totally changed me for the better. I didn’t point the finger at anyone or get mad because I accepted my role in the situation. It has not affected my social life or my dating life and I get messages from pos and non pos guys alike. There is so much info out about hiv and so many people doing research on it and if some of you would just educate yourselves on it(its a reach I know but if you engage in sexual activities THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW EVEN IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT) the stigma can be erased and not only that the spread of it will go down greatly.

  • “There is so much info out about hiv and so many people doing research on it and if some of you would just educate yourselves on it(its a reach I know but if you engage in sexual activities THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW EVEN IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT) the stigma can be erased and not only that the spread of it will go down greatly.”

    Yes there is a lot of information out there on HIV, but way too much of it is by non-professionals, hacks and whatever else; making the information out there way too contradictory to be of any practical use and a lot of it is flat out lies. Even the CDC (Center for Decease Control) doesn’t cover enough information or offer enough advise on the subject in regards to other types of sex besides anal, for fear of being sued if their information turns out to be incorrect.

    People who are merely attempting to protect themselves in the best way they know how are not evil, hateful people nor are they intentionally or maliciously stigmatizing anyone. It’s their right to protect themselves in the best way they know how. It’s a shame that there are HIV+ people in the world, but it is not the fault nor the responsibility of HIV- people.

    If someone doesn’t want to date or have sex with you because of your HIV+ status it’s just something you are going to have learn to live with. Blaming and or attempting to shame others for the results of some quandary you got yourself into by accident or whatever accomplishes nothing useful.

  • I found out when i was 19 and i can so relate to this. when people told me they were negative i believed it as well. but there are people out there that are that just dont care. but ne ways yea ….. stay strong

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