9 Sep 2013

Speak Out : Where Is The Gay Community Going?

Category: Gay Stuff : Speak Out

I got an email from a guy telling me how concerned he was with the direction the gay community was headed.  I asked him where it was headed and why all the concern. 

He told me the gay community has lost its direction and was focused more on sex, drugs and the individual instead of the community as a whole.   I told him I thought he was wrong.  I explained to him that I thought he was looking at the gay community through his gay bubble.  In his profile, he identified himself as a bear, in an open relationship with a husbear, he wasn’t looking for love, just FOB. 

The gay community has always been a sexual one, the whole sexual revolution was based on sexual freedom and expression.  We are men, we are sexual.  While it may seem gay guys are focused on exploring their sexual freedom, there are plenty of gay couples in monogamous relationships who are extremely happy.

I have to admit that the drug thing was a big issue for the gay community, meth seemed to hit the community hard but again, there are plenty of gay guys who don’t know what staying up for three days is all about, sometimes I wish I didn’t. 

Now the idea that a group of guys shouldn’t be allowed to identify themselves as how they wanted was beyond me.  I myself don’t know if I fit in as an otter, muscle bear, bear or silver fox.  It’s all so confusing but no matter how you identify yourself the underlying fact for all of us is that we are all gay.  We are all a community.  It’s ok to sit out of a pride parade or demonstration once in a while and go out and have a good time.  Again, plenty of gay people in this world who just call themselves gay and have no idea what a husbear is.

I told him that being gay these days isn’t the big deal it was when we were younger.  There is still a lot we need to do to maintain our rights as people but the big fight is over.  We are mainstream now.  They have gay alliances in high schools for Christ sake, you can even bring your boyfriend to prom. 

What do you think?  Is the gay community headed in the wrong direction or does living in a gay bubble cloud our vision?

g skorich aka eastvalley

87 comments for Speak Out : Where Is The Gay Community Going?

  • From a sociological viewpoint, I’d say that any group or subset that feels a sense of estrangement or persecution from the mainstream of society tends to gel into a “community”. Once they become accepted in the mainstream their sense of oneness dissipates. Germans, Catholics, Irish, Italians, Jews… all once considered “different”, now fully integrated. I’d say gays are on the cusp…

  • The gay community is doing just fine.

    I’d say the gay community is LESS focused on sex and drugs than it’s ever been in modern history. If you hang out on a hook up site, guess what, the focus is gonna be on sex (and there will be a fair bit of drug use thrown in there more likely than not). But EVEN among A4A members actively looking for hook ups, if you catch us ONLINE, we’re probably focused on sex, but meet us outside of our A4A profile and most of us have busy fulfilling lives of which sex is only a small part of. And that doesn’t even take into consideration the gays who aren’t on hook up sites.

    As for individualism, take that as a sign of progress. The more we are accepted into the community at large, the less we have to worry about “the gay community.” We still have a long way to go, but we’re able to spend more time worrying about the not-specifically gay parts of ourselves precisely because society has progressed to allow us to not have to constantly be worried about being gay. It’s a good thing!

  • Gay community? It may just be my particular viewpoint but I tend to believe that the majority of GLBT people are not the people that are generally considered the “Gay Community”. They are people who happen to be gay, not GAY people. Most just want the same as anyone else a home family, friends, the ability to be with the one’s you love. To speak of drugs, dress, drinking, body type, etc. as the defining criteria of the “community” is as self-defeating as it is hurtful. C’m guys – get a life!

  • Well, lets see, if the gay community (I hate that btw) includes ALL the men who sleep with men then the answer is quite simple…fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, DIE. That’s where your “community” is heading. The better question would be, “Why bitch about stereotypes when the overwhelming evidence suggest that it’s nothing but a self-fulfilling prophecy?”. Oh, but that’s right, it’s so easy for the weak to live a life of denial…and I’m seeing a WHOLE LOT of weak.

  • His view is what he is seeing right or wrong. Lookat profile where guys say no one over 25 or 35 and yes younger men post that and many guys in their 40′;s and 50′s list no one over 35. I cant count the times I have heard younger men saying guy in their later 30 and up probably have AIDS. Where do that get all that info from? I think one should date and love the one they like and not listen to who their friends dictate they should be with.

  • I think the gay community is headed in a horrible direction as a young black gay male, gay ppl have lost sight that we are all in the same boat gay ppl here in Atl will fight one another an tear one another down b4 they build one another up. ive experienced it. my gay drag mother told me when she was young it was nothing like now

  • Ok the gay community has and is heading down a slippy slope. Everytime some straight hears the word gay, its associated with drugs, sex, and labels (as you article stated). Lets break this down piece by piece and examine them..

    1. Drugs.. A good 90% of gays do some kind of drugs and includes poppers since most of them can’t kept or get their penises up. I can go to a club, bath house, some gay function and see a majority of gays doing some kind of drugs to not include cigarettes, cigars, or alcohol..

    2. Everytime I log onto A4A and check to see who has stopped by my profile, a majority of them, say 3somes/group sex/couples/open relationship let alone whose profile I check out. If you supposedly love your man then why do all of that? You figured your man would be able to satisfy your sexual needs.. I’m opinion is this; you can do watever you want when you single, but once you involved you can’t do that.. For those who have a wife & goes behind her back cheating, its you guys who makes gays look bad.

    3. The most annoying thing about the gay community is how you have to label yourself or how someone labels. Instead of going just simply going by a gay man/male, I have to label myself 3 different ways. A) sexual preference ( top,bttm,vers) B) mannerism (fem or masc), C) some other label (bear, cub, wolf, otter, twink).. Heres my question, why would I want to part of a community where all the stuff I do thats positive for the community is overshadow by all the negativity of our community and stereotypes that are place upon us?

    If I’m wrong look at gay pride events.. Its supposed to be a time where we celebrate our gay pride, the things we have accomplished, things we still want to achieve, awareness of diseases & hiv, educated forums & so on; instead gay pride is nothing but a sex fest, drunken parties, people getting high & acting like fool. Gay pride events seems to promote all thats negative about the gay community, instead of setting a positive image. I know plenty of people who only have gay pride during gay pride events and don’t give a squat the rest of the year, while the rest of us bust our behind all year having gay pride.. Why would anyone want to be part of that?

  • Many people who would say that the gay community is headed in the wrong direction is just looking at stereotypes. Now, those stereotypes are there because of how many people fit into the guidelines of a certain type of person. However, since every person is different, stereotypes really only describe a very small group of people.

    I find how people are different to be fascinating. I love to meet new people. I love to watch people from a distance and see what kind of behaviors they have. Diversity is something we as a gay community scream, but don’t accept in ourselves. We are trying to be too specific about physical traits that we are attracted to, instead of caring what another person thinks or feels.

    If the gay community is headed in the wrong direction, it is because we don’t care enough about individuals to look past the lack of ripped muscles or body hair to see what makes a person tick. We are some of the most judgmental people on the planet. I am more attracted to the male brain than the male body myself, and some people find that strange. I do take pride in being different from others. I am a nerd. I fly that flag prouder than the gay pride flag.

    If people were not so afraid to be who they are due to fear of being judged by others. Stop worrying about what people think and worry about what makes you who you are.

  • I was distracted during the last part.

    If people were not so afraid to be who they are due to fear of being judged by others, they could then accept themselves and all of their flaws. Be comfortable with yourself and stop worrying about what people think and worry about what makes you who you are.

  • I do not think the hard work is done, I do believe there has been some advancement. The newer generation is a little oblivious to the on going struggle for basic human rights. The lgbt community has come a long way but, as a community we do have a long way to go. As far as self acceptance and not self destruction. Gays can be harsh to other gays instead of empowering each other and building each other u.

  • I do believe that some of the profiles do show a person’s self concept, a picture of an ass is suppose to be attractive or represent the whole person? There is more to a person.
    Just my opinion.

  • The gentleman who originally expressed his concern on this matter is completely right. In fact, to even begin to address this issue, it must be first noted that the term “gay community” is entirely a misnomer. A community is marked by a cohesiveness which lends itself to the emotional and physical well being of its members, and places the needs of the whole on par with that of the individual. Today’s loose affiliation of gay men is no more a community than is Craigslist or Adam4Adam. While there may be a few participants in those aforementioned forums who are interested in meaningful human interactions, they are decidedly rare. Instead, most gay men eschew the labor necessary for rewarding personal growth and opt to indulge more animalistic and egocentric tendencies. In place of seeing other people as human beings, with individual feelings and needs, the typical gay man views his fellows as organic sex toys, whose only purpose is to satisfy his impulsive desires.
    These two problems, egocentrism and a fixation on sexual gratification, are fundamentally linked: The modern gay population fosters and encourages a culture of hedonism. Hedonism by its very nature is concerned only with one’s own pleasure and satisfaction. So while the author of this blog seems to think the rampant promiscuity in the gay population is simply a matter of sexual exploration, it is directly tied to the grievous antisocial tendencies and lack of empathy so readily apparent in most gay men.
    Further, the gay “community” imposes the values of hedonism and narcissism upon its members, and brooks no dissenters. If one should speak out against promiscuity, then one is a prude and not with the times; if one objects to infidelity, then one is needy and controlling; if a gay man votes for a Republican, or attends religious services, then he is considered self-loathing, because as we all know, a gay man must be a single-issue voter and has no spiritual needs. If these strictures are not observed, then the transgressor is ostracized and vilified.
    It’s a common talking point of gay-rights advocates that being gay (especially a gay teen) can be an incredibly lonely experience. Strangely, they don’t seem to recognize that the greatest source of isolation and rejection comes from the population of gay men itself. “Too fat/old/white/black/prudish/republican! Get lost!” “You believe in God? No room for you here!” “You don’t approve of meaningless, empty sex? Better take a hike before you remind us of when we weren’t shallow empty husks.” “You voted for Romney? What kind of Gay are you?” And that question, the one which is always asked, says much of what the problem is today. It’s no longer a descriptor. It’s a label wielded by Gays against Men who happen to be gay. It encapsulates all the accepted definitions and behaviors according to those who have spent their lifetime defining themselves by who they like to screw. When another gay man deviates from that orthodoxy, it throws doubt on the sacrifice of true individuality and humanity the Gay had to make in order to run with the crowd.
    The author is right about one thing though: Same-sex dynamics are mainstream; a person’s sexuality is a footnote for most people when it comes to straight-gay dynamics. But the real fight is just beginning. We must now struggle amongst ourselves to define the direction gay-gay dynamics take. Straight people don’t care anymore if someone is gay. Neither should we.

  • I think we are heading in the wrong way because back in the day we had class and we didn’t sleep around as much as we do today.

  • I think the guy is correct – the gay community is headed down a decadent path as before its maturation into a normal community, it has festered into a community of sexually-centered men (the male gay community) where the priority is on sex, looks, the external, and the material. The feminine gay man is especially a problem in the gay community as he exhibits and exemplifies so many negative stereotypes. Moreover, there are too many uneducated young guys with bad values, low ambition, and who just focus on short-term trivial things.

    Furthermore, lies and drugs, and other inhuman practices are rampant among gay guys…the way they treat each other, and just the values and morals are really deteriorating faster than wider society.

  • As long as the gay community is in the minority, the fight is not yet over. When there are more of them, than you, the fight is not over. There have been concessions and that is good…some have fought the fight and that is good. But when you are not mainstream and you cannot increase your numbers by breeding and your numbers depend strictly on chance, then the fight is not over. When heterosexuals feel comfortable with a discussion of men sucking each other’s cocks and fucking each other in the place most people only shit…then you can relax a bit…but until that day, I think you must remain vigilant and less focused on the little head and start using the big one more…When there has been a cure for AIDS and it’s disassociated with gays then a real victory can be claimed…When this marriage thing can point to 45 and 50 year anniversaries and not clogging up the divorce courts, then you can claim a victory lap, but I would not put away the gloves just yet…just some thoughts…

  • The so called “gay community” has always had its head stuck in a gay bubble, still does and most likely always will. The notion that there ever was an actual “gay community” was\is nothing more than a fallacy and was\is nothing more than a put on.

  • Hmmm. I wrote a response about the sorry state of the gay “community” being due in part to the intolerance and censorship of the Cookie-cutter gays. It appears it wasn’t liked, and was removed. Way to prove my point.

  • as a closeted gay i’m still very aware of were I go and what I say my fwb was introduced 2 sum of my family this past wknd and they loved him and I got a feeling when I talked 2 them sunday that they knew but didn’t say anything.back 2 point I agree the gay comm has a long way 2 go my major inroads have been made.what I’ve seen is more how we treat each other and lack of respect

  • Even though we are more mainstream now, can you name the States where you can still be fired for being Gay? Do you know what ENDA stands for and how it affects your life as a gay person? Does the criminal and torture of GLBT people in Russia, Iran, Uruguay and other countries something you think or even care about? If we as a community only care about sex, sexual labels and partying and not about full equality, full civil rights and human rights then what direction are we going?

  • It is sad when the rights are actually getting recognized and the gay communitty is still trying to show out!! Just be yourself and love what you see when you look in the mirror or it will show out to society. We need to educate our future boys and girls about coming to grips when it comes to understand what being gay is like. It is not just about sex but about being an individual who like the same sex. We as gay men bleed the same color blood as the straight communnity. Just learn to respect something you may not be familar with and just live our lives……

  • While we are being recognized and viewed more positively, it does seem like everyone’s only interested in sex and being superficial. I keep hearing not everyone’s like that…well I would like to know where the ones who are different at because it seems most of them must be hidden under a rock.

  • For the most part I agree with the individual who says we are moving in the wrong direction.
    With the improvements in HIV drugs I am seeing and hearing more people who are willing to have sex BB. I have even seen some who are on CL seeking to get infected.

    Meth, Cocaine, and other drugs are becoming common place. Hard to find some who does not use and in many cases are trading sex for drugs. Nothing new but seems to be getting worse.

    I believe in having the freedom to chose your partners and have sexual rights. I also believe we still need to have sex with caution and get the hell off drugs.

    If the gay community is to be taken seriously we still have to “fit” into certain modes and have standards. We cannot be seen as a bunch of druggies and spreaders of disease.

  • I see so many flaws in this preliminary discussion, I don’t even know where to start. So rather than being overly acerbic in my reply, I will simply say that a common-sense response would be in order. Simply put, it all depends on how one defines the word “community” and what he expects the body of that community to represent.

  • When I was younger the gays here in this area hung out together. There was, from drunken bashes, to just getting together for dinner and an afternoon of cocktails and socializing. There where gays of all ages and subcultures that hung out together. Now it seems like the gays in this area have gone underground. They sit at their computers and message guys they never meet, or meet once for sex. There have been several attempts at opening gay bars or clubs here, and they have all failed. Even though being gay is much better excepted now than when I was younger, they are a lot less out and about. There doesn’t seem to be any community in the gays here anymore.

  • Bring Dave Back!

  • I’d say it’s extremely naive to think that “the big fight is over” are gay people becoming more accepted into ‘mainstream’ society? yes we are. But you still have dozens of gay teenagers committing suicide rather than face a reality of being a social misfit(in some cases in both worlds).
    The fact of the matter is is that homophobia didn’t just evaporate, it changed forms. Rather than say “I don’t want no queers at my bowling lane” the call to arms had become who the “acceptable” queers. This has happened before. In the instances of the African American Community once slavery was abolished(i.e. the lighter skinned African Americans were considered more educated because of their mixed genetic heritage versus the darker skinned African Americans who were made for more menial tasks and were best kept to the shadows) Incidentally, the gay men that “appear straight” are considered more wholesome and acceptable than those of us who see assimilation as a desperate attempt to fit in to a “mainstream” that isn’t worth being in in the first place.
    As to Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. We get it. You’re Out(finally) you wanna have a good time, fuck who you want and do what you want. The problem that the gay community has is not with promiscuity, it’s with honesty. Because many of have lived repressive lifestyles for the better part of our existence, we are social awkward and inept and emotionally crippled alot of the times. Rather than say “im only looking for sex” we cage ourselves into a relationship and end up looking like a total slut when hey, we realize we aren’t ready for one. This is also why going to a gay club can oftentimes feel as though you’re at a 7th grade dance(all looky no touchy).
    Drugs, because really, what else is there for a group of people who have a hard time facing the harder emotions and have led an equally hard life.
    About me: I was born in the ‘Age of Acceptance’ as it were. I came out very young, went through all my teenage years as a gay teenager and so dont feel the need to act 10 years younger than i am because i “missed out” on those formative years. I dont mean to sound jaded or embittered by the cards the fates have dealt, but the simple fact of the matter is is that i’ve come to a point in my life where i’d rather be myself and be accepted by people who like me for who i am(be they gay or straight) than to be hated, judged, and ridiculed by a group of insecure people who refuse to grow up. The only enemy the gays have now is ourselves. We ought to band together, love and accept each other without labels or the pressure of Assimilation. As the saying goes: “there is no right way to be gay” we ARE gay no matter what, so why should we care about categorizing ourselves beyond that?

  • I’m gonna agree that he is seeing the community through a gay bubble.
    I am fairly young (27) and I do identify as just gay. No animals or labels come up when my name is mentioned. But there are times were I wish I could be assigned a label. I’ve lived in Washington DC for a number of years and I just sat back and watched the gay community start to split right down the middle. It scared me to think that I had no where to go (figuratively and literally) to feel like I was apart of the gay community. Then my friend told me that I was just looking at it the wrong way.
    It’s always easy to rule out that everyone else is wrong. Claiming that we are going about things wrong and we are losing our way. The reality is that is progress we are moving beyond just being gay and we shouldn’t be afraid of that. We should welcome the change and follow suit.
    I just moved to San Francisco and it’s very different than DC. I’m having to go through that process all over again where I’m thinking the community out here is vain or unfriendly. But I’ve met some pretty great just plain gay people out here and have no doubt that more are to come.

  • I confess I’m feel myself really concerned about this topic..but I’m afraid il will not get much success .. and no many comments here

  • Many gays have no idea what a relationship truly means, or what love is. Cos, the male version never grows the fuck up.in other words, guys, lets stop being sluts and maybe the world will take us seriously. .. I saw all gay men always think about hook up and sex.. most of them not mature enough to control that..

    I really hope we can b trust and love each other for ltr.. Once again guys, lets stop being sluts and maybe the world will take us seriously

  • I feel like gays put a bad name on the gay community, yes we want rights, but the direction gays are going I dont think so, 90% of guys rather hookup than date, while the 10% find it difficult to find love or to date someone, its a sad story how everyone has turned out, even the most hottest guys are headed in the wrong direction, I think they all should change their Outlook on things and give a relationship a chance and stop hooking up all the time

  • You’re living in a bubble. Being gay is not ta big deal? Gay hate crimes are up in NYC after gay marriage passed: That’s a big deal. How many states still disallow us to marry? Over 2/3. That’s a big deal. Professional sports are still homophobic. That’s a big deal. Ditto gay teen suicide rates, gay smoking rates, gay youth homeless rates, homophobic religious institutions, etc. We are far from mainstream. You and I both live in a liberal ghetto where being gay is acceptable: tons of us don’t.
    I’m not aware that there is a gay community, per se, anyway. I don’t identify with the “otter/musclebear/silver fox” type of crowd or clubs or parties or gay ghettos- and I think I’m in the majority. Most of us just are just…here… nothing organized.

  • What’s a husbear ??

  • I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being sexual. Because, most of our sexual/romantic urges had to be suppressed for most of our formative years (birth-18+ years), I think that the fallout as an adult is sexual promiscuity, drug use, and self-centeredness. It reminds me of the ‘preacher’s daughter’ theory–that girls who are raised in strict religious families tend to be the ‘wild’ ones. In our case, though (and I speak generally), instead of being oppressed by our heads of house, we were oppressed by our society. So, as society begins to change towards an increasingly positive and accepting view of the homosexual community, the less our kind will have to hide sexual urges/romantic feelings. Our future gay generations will be able to learn how to form romantic bonds the way our heterosexual counterparts have been doing all along.

    Similarly, I believe that our ‘self-centeredness’ and common drug-use stem from the same idea of sexual oppression. Perhaps these vices or compulsions are how a substantial number of us cope with the sexual oppression?

  • You’re kidding, right? We are totally going to fucking hell in a handbasket. Way too many guys have condom fatigue and think barebacking is okay to do — and what the hell is it with guys who are “undetectable”? Just because a test can’t pick up the virus doesn’t mean you’re safe — and I’m sick of the local guys who are undetectable trying to spin that into “let me fuck you, you won’t get anything.” We are fractured into subcultural cliques who are so dazzled by what the media (and yes, the gay media) push out at us — young, buff, 28″ waists, drink all night and backstab your friends because it’s the gay thing to do.

    And please, don’t think we’re not still persecuted. What do you call Russia these days? Westboro? Every fucking legislature who thinks we’re second-class citizens if we happen to want to have a life with someone we love who just happens to be the same gender? Even television shows a decline in LGBT portrayals. Visibility at all costs, people!

    As for labels…I’ve never been able to settle for one. I was never a twink, but not robust enough to qualify as bear. Not hairy enough to be an otter. Not emaciated enough to be a skinnybitch club kid. What the fuck are labels, if not to intensify the stratification of our community? Seriously, get real.

    (And yeah, I AM angry. A dear friend killed himself today because of this alleged “community” we have. So excuse me if I think your idea of “mainstream” gay is so much rose-colored bullshit.)

  • It’s going to hell in a hand basket!

  • The gay community is just blending in with the rest of the world.

  • I’m 25 and have never seen any drug in the scene other than weed, and even then I don’t see it that often. I think drugs are a thing the older gays did/do, they are definitely out of fashion now. Regarding sex? Sure it seems sex-centric if you’re basing your opinions off this site and only hang out in divey Bear bars. Most gay people I know are just average guys who like guys. We probably have more sex than straight guys, but that’s because you have two male sex drives instead of one male sex drive and a resistant female one.

    Perhaps rather than assuming that the gay community is going in the wrong direction as a whole (when we are coming out of the closet in record numbers and earlier in life, marrying in droves, being the most active ever in media, being politically active, etc) you should reevaluate yourself and the people you surround yourself with, as you and your cohort may be the ones going in the wrong direction.

  • In order to answer the question, you first have to determine its validity.

    Is there a gay community, a monolithic over-arching structure, single-minded and inclusive in its objectives?

    Was there ever?

    In my opinion, what we have now is a series of target markets, disparate groups separated geo-, demo- and psychographically, with random individual overlaps.

  • I agree with the guy about the direction of the gay community. I think we should all stop pretending as if things are not bad. Drugs, sex, individuality, and the rise of HIV(especially among younger men) does not make us a community. We do have parades and festivals to promote awareness and pride, but when was the last time you went to a Gay Pride festival and didn’t get dirty looks from another GAY man.

    We do not love eachother like we should, instead we are worried about having sex the best way we know how. There are some happy committed couples out there, but it is becoming more and more rare as the younger generation is now getting their views on the gay lifestyle through porn. Porn that gives the impression that all is possible and that being “hot” and “sexy” will get people to do anything for you. We do not promote love and meeting someone for the long run. We view life through when we can get the next hook up, never caring about anyones feelings we crush in the process… So no, I do not believe that the gay community is headed in the right direction, we have a lot of work to do before that could happen.

  • the gay community has made a lot of progress, however, a lot more tolerance within it needs to happen. the use of high octane drugs like Meth and coke has done a lot of individual damage. I have seen some gays that are running so fast they can’t have any relationship. then they crash. It is as bad as HIV.

  • I think it has to deal with who is answering the question… Gay men that are before the “millennials” will be satisfied where the gay community is at and it’s future. I can tell you though that not all of my age group is as pleased.

    The previous gays all fought for our rights that we have now but my generation doesn’t always understand that or appreciate that. I’ll admit I have not always been 100% appreciative. For guys my age, open relationships are the norm and even if you say you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship the majority of those are having affairs. It’s sad to say but you can see it plain as day with a lot of the profiles here on A4A. Now yes, not everyone does this, but it is a reality that’s here to stay. Because others fought so hard, I have the ability to have a boyfriend. That’s what drives me to be truly monogamous.

    The other point of being based on individual than community… I could see an argument to it. I work in West Hollywood one of the most gay-friendly places in the world. However, if you ask a lot of the gays outside that city here in Los Angeles you’ll find that they tend to shy away from that place. A couple of profiles on Grindr had statements like “If you are the WeHo stereotype, we won’t get along.” Local gays don’t find them approachable and also very fake (although this is LA).

    My point… We need to teach my generation our history better. We need the older ones to continue guiding us. We need to teach people the difference between having pride and feeling entitled. And, we need to remember what the author said – we are a community that transcends the identifiers of bear, twink, jock, etc. We are linked by the fact we all love men.

  • THE GAY COMMUNITY DIED ONCE THE IDEA OF COHESION OF THE FAMILY (HUSBAND, RELATIONSHIP, PARTNER) WAS DESTROYED. NOW WE HAVE PROMOTION OF PROMISCUITY, CHEATING, “OPEN RELATIONSHIPS” (WHICH IS AN OXYMORON BY THE WAY), AND OTHER DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS LIKE HARDCORE DRUG USE (METH, HEROIN, CRACK COCAINE). WE ONLY HAVE OURSELVES TO BLAME. IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE BLACK COMMUNITY, THE GOVERNMENT-SPONSORED DESTRUCTION OF THE FAMILY UNIT WITH A FATHER FIGURE, CAME ABOUT IN THE 1960′S THE SAME TIME THE DEMOCRATS (SUPPORTED SLAVERY AND KKK) WERE PUSHING WELFARE ON THE BLACK COMMUNITY TO CONTROL THEM. IF YOU DESTROY THE FAMILY COHESION, A COMMUNITY IS MORE EASILY MANIPULATED. TAKE A LOOK AT WEBSITES SUCH AS THIS (NO OFFENSE), IT PROMOTES PORN BUT NOT CONSTRUCTIVE THINGS LIKE FAMILY AND LASTING RELATIONSHIPS/PARTNERSHIPS. WITH THE DESTRUCTION OF THE FAMILY COMES DRUG ABUSE. IT ALL COMES FULL CIRCLE. WE HAVE TO TAKE A LOOK AT OUR OWN COMMUNITY AND THE GOVERNMENT POLICIES THAT CLAIM TO BE FOR OUR BENEFIT BUT IS RATHER FOR OUR COHESIVE DESTRUCTION. FOLLOW THE MONEY.

  • Of course we are headed in the wrong direction. This country and we the people are headed in the wrong direction.

    Look at how we treat each other on this site. Look at how you allow anything goes to be a choice to be on this site to help mutate a virus that might come back in a big way because of this.

    What is worse, so few people are speaking up against these self destructive behaviors. There is very little right when you think about it about the directions we are headed.

  • Two comments:
    1. There has always been, and will continue to be, a significant number of gays who don’t care to take ‘leadership’ roles in advancing the ’causes’ of a so-called ‘gay community’. (Whatever those ’causes’ are.) They just want to be left alone to live their lives. Being an active advocate for the ’cause’ doesn’t make someone ‘more gay’ than another.

    2. We should not be surprised if there is a demise of the so-called ‘gay community’. Gays should WELCOME that! Isn’t that the goal?… to participate in, and be accepted as part of the WHOLE community, without anyone feeling it necessary to label gays as a separate ‘gay community’?

  • It sounds like you are speaking from inside another gay bubble. I think the majority of gay men don’t really identify with the ‘gay community’. They are just regular people living their regular lives, but just happen to be attracted to the same sex.

    I am homosexual, but I don’t really think of myself as ‘gay’ in the way you are describing in your post. I don’t feel the need to go to pride parades, or label myself as any particular ‘type’.

  • On a further point… I personally have issues with the “homosexual” tent being opened to include the trans*. They’re a totally different reality, and I don’t see the connection. Tell me why they’re in our tent? Am I supposed to have to defend guys born w dicks that want vaginas instead? And women who want dicks? I don’t see the connection to me…

  • Lucien: I couldn’t have said it better.

  • Lucien,
    Well said. The ‘gay community’ is it’s own worst enemy.

  • I don’t think the vgay community is heading a wrong direction human beings are in general we still have racial lines women are still fighting for there unalienable rights the United Nations haven’t done what they can actually do, we as human beings have done so much wrong against just ourselves

  • I think the Gay community is heading down the same self-absorbed, technology-seduced path that the rest of our society is headed down. No brakes – just flinging ourselves pell-mell towards an impending wall of self-destruction at an ever increasing speed. There are coalitions in our community who are fighting for equal rights, but because this modern culture is so steeped in self-interest it is still a battle that may take a long time to win. Even the thought of “winning” is self-absorbed, compared to, say, everyone just learning to get along, because “winning” implies that someone else will have to lose. And we’re outnumbered by people who have already decided they aren’t going to “lose” anything, even if that “anything” is fictional.

    The point is, pick your heads up out of your electronic doodads long enough to see what is going on in the rest of the real (not virtual) world and you’ll see that we’re not heading in any direction that is any better or worse than the rest of society. The hedonistic excesses spoken of in the comments cut across all walks of life. They are not for the most part exclusive to the Gay community. This is our Western culture, and we are so traumatized by it that many seek ways out of its reality rather than trying to face it and change it.

    We choose labels (like “husbear” or “otter” or “twink” or “sex pig” or “power bottom”) to both set us apart from our peers and attempt some form of community cohesion. Obviously that doesn’t work in theory, nor does it in practice. Can you set yourself apart AND be one of the whole? Again, it’s not just the Gay community – our culture seems driven to find ways for each individual to stand out – through Youtube and X-tube videos, blogs, tweets, and other purely self-serving activities… and through the labels we give ourselves and each other. All of this activity is mirrored in the straight (or non-gay) sectors, and it’s all a part of the escalating problem of Western civilization in the 21st Century.

    If cohesion is the goal, then stop trying to stand apart. Get back to human interaction: spend more face time with your friends; put the i-phone down and talk to each other – don’t text. Quit thinking of yourself as all-important, stop trying to impress everyone you meet with bullshit that can’t stand on its own, and realize we’re all in this together. Maybe then we can avoid hitting the wall.

  • I’d also like to add that I think Gay Pride events are fast becoming superfluous as tools of political and social change. Now, they’re more just an excuse to party. That in and of itself is fine. Party on. But let’s not delude ourselves into thinking that Gay Pride serves some sort of political or social benefit to our community. That process died at the turn of the century.

  • It wasn’t the so called “gay community” or any gay activists who have brought more acceptance of us from straights.

    It’s those who avoided those activists, their pride parades and who just took the time to get to know, teach and convince our straight brothers that we are not all the prissy sissys they think we are, but that some of us are as much men as they are other than the sexual part.

    Once our straight brothers were shown that we are not all like the freaks the media portrays us as in their TV shows, movies etc., and that all those others who claim to represent us are just self appointed, not voted into office or even asked by anyone to represent anything. The truth of the matter was clear and that is why straights, especially more guys are a lot more accepting these days.

    That old gay activist lead gay community did nothing for us but keep us locked in a going nowhere loop while they marketed and profited off of us. It’s those people who kept us feeling like we were worth less and they kept it up because if filled their greedy pockets.

  • the so called gay community would work if there were not so many haters and dung beetles mixed in. i live in knoxville tennessee and dont go to the bars, clubs here because it is way too clickish. you have to be a drag queen, a butch dyke looking for a fight or a twinky that acts more like a girl than any REAL girl ever could. or, you need to be in perfect physical shape with a body to DIE for, literally. its hard to make friends, REAL friends, friends who dont care what you do for a living, that you dont wear only name brand clothes, or whether or not your body is made by LITTLE DEBBIE instead of a gym membership you really cant afford. too many here are so addicted to the “scene” that they cant function in normal everyday life without having to be seen and heard, ( good or bad ,) by everyone wherever they are. instead of being nice to each other and treating each other with respect, they have to make trouble, stir in shit, ( hence the term dung beetle ),have to have some kind of drama going on or they arent happy. they dont want people to get along. we ALL know someone or some people like this and its a damn shame. as a gay man i am so embarrassed by what i see from the so called gay community. i do have some friends, real friends who like me for me and that is what i want from the gay community. i dont want your drugs, your diseases because you are too high or just are too damn stupid to care if you spread diseases around. i dont smoke , drink , or do any kind of drugs, (and yes, poppers are a drug), and i dont feel the need to be some limp wristed screaming mimi to get attention. my partner and i have been together for many years and have a loving caring relationship that is about us. too many here dont know what it means to actually love someone. think of other peoples feelings and not just your own. or to just go about your day and be part of the world as a contributing human being, and not just as a gay man or woman. being gay should not be who you are, it should be what your sexual preferrence is. i strive for peace, well being and love for me, my partner , my family and my friends. who on here understands what i mean ? i know a lot of this sounds bitter, its not meant to be bitter. i just get so aggrevated that our people, gay people, men, women, black, white, green blue or purple cant just BE. cant we ALL JUST BE ? we used to love to go the clubs and watch the shows, maybe dance a little, chat with our “frinds”, and i know drugs and all that has always been a part of gay life and life in general, but i cant stand it, and i dont want to be around it. i dont think i am better than other people, i just wish other people had more respect for themselve, as well as me and mine.

  • Ok

  • Ok let me take the topic into a different direction. As a ” closeted gay” down low or whatever u want to call me. I wonder where else besides a4a can I meet others like me. It’s not that im ashame to come out. It’s just I’m just a regular guy. I watch sports chill with the fellas and everything in between. Just so happens I love dick. Love to see Em swinging in basketball shorts. Would worship one. But im a man and I like men, there is absolutely no way of telling im gay unless I go outta my way and stare at a buldge and get punched in the face. Or would I? Many are out there just like me. But how do we connect if not for a4a. I want to know. Bars and clubs are usually a bit much for me. And i want a different experience and Adam ain’t doing it for me.. feel free email me rayzwerld@yahoo.com

  • I would agree with those who suggest that the attitudes and behaviors of gays are merely a reflection of the attitudes and actions of the entire society (gay, straight, etc.). The rush for money and ‘things’, impersonal sex, drugs, reduction of permanent relationships, are the new norm. These are the results of rampant consumerism foisted by commercial corporations, electronic tools that promulgate unhealthy aspirations for the society (TV), enabling of hit-and-run sexual contacts with minimal relationship (internet), the changes to marriage as less of a lifelong relationship, and general confusion in society as to what is really important and psychologically healthy. My personal question is whether all of these societal changes will ultimately be positive or negative. Sure I don’t have a clue, but we do seem in a better condition than existed before 1950.

  • I have ever be a part ofthe gay communty here in Barrie Ont cause the gay communty never exsist that right
    I findthat the 25-55 don’t want people llike and u in there communty we are too old
    If u take a look at the gay communty you ‘ll will find twink and men that think that they are better than anyone
    I don’t smoke or drink so what in the communty for me except to gossip about I have never found anyone in the communty worth talking too either there they are stone or drunk or stealing someone partner and where is the gay communty here in Simcoe County we had serveral bars but they belly up No one care every one here in Barrie heads to Toronto andthe gay communty there there is no such thing as gay communty here in Barrie and we are north of Toronto

  • Thank you lucien cuz i think you was talking about my bf’s (seth) comment.. I’m not gay, I’m heterosexually impaired lol.. The gay community has been all about labels and stereotypes and if you deviated from those labels and stereotypes you will be ostracized by the gay community itself, let alone if you views and opinions doesn’t match that of mainstream homisexuality(i.e. Open realtionship, 3some/group sex, drugs).. Also we need to educated alot of the men on here on what’s the difference between a preference and being racist, since alot of profiles on here say something the lines of “only in (insert races), don’t date (insert race), all-american guy” vs i like a guy with muscles, tall, short, green eyes, and so on..

  • Well the gay community is more focus on guys that are In shape then the ones with the big hearts. Especially here in Atlanta they are always looking for the next best thing instead of settling down

  • Intrinsic to the word “community” are the words “support,” “trust,” “loyalty,” and “love.” Intrinsic to the words “gay community” is the phrase “we’re only interested in you if you’re porn-star hot.” When the gay “community” focuses on something other than looks and sexuality, I’ll feel more obliged to become a part of it. When The Advocate magazine can put a fully-clothed guy on its cover for all twelve months of the year, then I’ll feel more obliged to become a part of the “gay community.” When Gay Pride parades are more about celebrating humanity and not “How Little Can You Wear” contests, I’ll feel more obliged. When guys on this site can display general courtesy towards others, particularly those who “don’t measure up” in their eyes, then I’ll feel better about the gay community. None of that will ever happen, though, because the only thing that matters is how closely you resemble an Abercrombie model.

  • being accepted for who you are by others you feel you don’t measure up to, is not an issue with the gay community, its within yourself. no one is asking anyone to be anything more than who they are. we all tend to concentrate on the youth of the community and how carefree they seem. let them have their fun, they will be replaced just as all of us have been. its called life.

  • To be fair, I’ve never found the “gay community” a necessity in my life. I just want to live my life. I don’t need to feel part of a separate entity from the rest of the world. I understand the need to keep fighting, but staying in an insular bubble doesn’t appeal to me. As a + man, I’ve never felt the need for the numerous groups which are supposed to appeal to me but don’t. I don’t feel like being gay or + define me. I would rather be defined by what I do as my passion in life and be in a community of those people, be they gay, straight, bi, trans, etc. People act like hedonism is a bad thing, but it’s only bad if it takes precedence in your life. I’m glad to be a gay man that recognizes sex as something that’s just fun and doesn’t have to mean something. Now obviously, it’s loads better (no pun intended) with someone you love, but it doesn’t make me a bad person just to enjoy it for what it is. Honestly, I don’t think the “gay community” is any worse off than it was before. It’s just that, like anything else, technology allows us to see a lot more of what’s going on. And if you’re upset that there is an abundance of shallowness, then look at straight people, they have it too. I’m pretty sure it’s common no matter who you screw. And if you don’t like it, then don’t be part of it. Find other ways to meet guys who are more to your liking. To me it seems akin to people using a4a for “just friends and relationships”. Look at the ads the site has, guys. If you’re really going into it thinking that this is how it’s going to work out for you, you will be more disappointed than not most of the time. I found my bf/cubsband on there, yes, but neither of us were looking for that. OKCupid is a great site and much more suited to those needs. I know this is long, but it’s just my two cents. I’m 26. I don’t know everything. However, I do know that I would rather be a gay man who is his own person and enjoys life on his terms than be part of a community that would restrict my worldview. Now if you don’t feel you need to look outside your own bubble, then that’s fine, but people are different. You can’t just fit all us “gays” into a neat little community. Give us more credit than that, at least.

  • The “Gay” Community has spent too much Time, Energy, Resources and Lives in propagating the Negative, Highly Sexualized, Promiscuous, In Your Face, Outrageous Identity it has become,and then trying to get the Main Stream Population to accept them as Individuals or as a Valued Community, instead of using the Time, Energy, Resources and Highly Valuable Lives to just be a Productive, Giving Member of the “World” Community who will be accepted by their Deeds, Actions and Contributions to Mankind than for who they Love..

    Save the Sex, your Fetishes, for the Bedroom and broadcast your Self Respecting, Loving, Proud, Productive Identity to the World as an Equal Member of Society…. Put the “True Pride” in Gay Pride….

    When I came Out I was ready to loose all I Loved, for I assumed from what I had seen, what was projected to the masses, that Family and Friends would reject me… Instead, because I’ve always been true to my Values, Morality, sense of Self Worth, I lost no one..!! Because I was still the same Person they had always known and Loved…

    To thy own Self be True, You don’t have to Reinvent or Exploit yourself to be Noticed and contribute to Change..

    I understand many don’t agree with me and I’m OKAY with that… As Americans we have a right to our own opinions, Opinions can lead to Dialog, Dialog can lead to Actions which can lead to Change…. KEEP UP THE DIALOG….

  • I have never wanted to be a part of a gay community. I want to be part of the community as a whole. I don’t want to be separate from others just because I’m gay.

  • Cheers! @ Daxter

    The so called “gay community” is irrelevant unless one chooses to remain stuck in a state of arrested development, with a group-think mentality like some member of a cult or the religious right for that matter. Take all of your stupid gay labels, the brain washing that goes with them and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine.

    You can call me a hater for speaking out and not wanting to follow some set of rules laid out by a bunch of self loathing nitwits who are too lazy to think for themselves, but that laying on the guilt tactic has no effect on me whatsoever. Only my sexual orientation is gay; the rest of my life is that of a man and is mine to do with what I want to do with it, not what some professional social climber decides for me.

  • Are we,as openly gay men a community? Have we ever been? It doesn’t matter that we are in the 21 st century,we are still obsessed with youth, beauty,dick size, blah, blah, blah. This could be the 80′s all over again. With better fashion.
    The fact that we can vote, and I don’t care to which party you prey, and we still can’t wed the one we love speaks volumes . Is anyone paying attention to what is going on in Tallahassee/ Washington?
    Sing, dance ,drop all the ecstasy you want,but at the end of the day if you want to bind the community then we need to address the issues that matter.
    It sucks getting older, and maybe it gets harder to “trick” but the twinks will be our age one day, and it will come upon them faster than they think. I was 20 yesterday,and I wouldn’t do it again on a dare. I like my life. Stop whining. Send a message that counts

  • seems the gay community, such that it is lost its way when it became all about me and screw everyone else because its about me and my feelings, when did we stop growing up?

  • The term “Gay Community” and the mindset of “we” (vs “them”) create separate, persecuted, estranged groups. Self-imposed for sure by the Community. Non-heteros are more accepted than ever. Totally accepted? No. But more accepted than ever. It’s easier than ever for teens to be who they are regardless of their sexuality and for adults to be who they are in their families and workplaces. That acceptance comes more easily and naturally when individuals conduct their lives where respect is a two-way street, not a one-way “we’re here! We’re queer! You MUST accept US but we don’t give a crap about who you are!”, one. The militancy on the part of the “we’re proud!” crowd impedes progress by perpetuating differences instead making diversity (gay and hetero) a non-issue. Untold gays live their lives totally apart for the “Gay Community.” They live their lives happily and successfully for that reason.

  • I agree that the “community” has broadened over the years and its not so much a political movement anymore. I disagree about saying thet the big fight is over. here in new yorks there are countless gay bashing incidents in the past year and just last week a girl is allowed to harass me on the sidewalk and call be a faggot over and over without repurcussion. if I wasn’t raised right she would of gotten smacked in the face. we do not have social equality

  • I think it is going in the wrong direction as far as gays having too much ego and not being humble anymore. It seems guys don’t take the time to get to know guys anymore, its just about the hustle and quick fix. Everything else, I do believe we have become more progressive in being accepted in society, we’ve accomplished a lot with human rights but I agree there is still more to do.

  • Wow, I’m not the only one ‘knowing’ of the true situations of the alledged “gay community”, its largely a real self- destrutive mess where too many, are just looking to victimize each other. I’m an older gay-male(back in the day)I was considered a prude-untouchable; I just wasn’t that promiscuous. I loved intimacy (kissing/heavy-petting) wasn’t that confortable with all-out-sex with someone I didn’t really know and stayed way from guys the were really promiscuous. I’m still like that more than ever now and I’ve had two decent relationships. I think gay men need to grow up and stop waving at a parade that has long since passed them by, find and love each other for something that surpasses looks; “inner beauty” these qualities just last longer. And then you’ll be passing on something of great value to our younger gay brothers and sisters. I stopped going to gay pride parades decades ago, because all you ever see is the freakiness. Where’s the doctors, lawyers, policeman, politicians, fireman, ect? All you ever see is drag-queens and leatherman, where are the portrayals of the professional gay people at?

    As a black male too, forgetaboutit! I feel absolutely Blessed, not caught up in this destructive behavior; HIV-, no drug or alcohol problems, sexual addictions or middle-age problems. It’s a bit lonely, but I’d rather be that than having all of this drama that South florida has to offer of it’s “gay community”, what a laugh a really sick mess.

  • The gay “community” hasn’t been much of a community in a while. I would say, the path that we’re on is trading our collective “soul”, respect for history, and generally togetherness, for acceptance into the hetero world.

  • Has everyone noticed that the boys from Ghana have switched their home state and city to read New York. The have not come up with a new words to get you into them and send money, however. We are gay, older, white Americans which I think puts us on their target plans as hopefully desperate old coots with foolish money to send.

  • First of all, it’s nice to read a thought provoking article, and read thought provoking discussions. I really like it when even an online venue as this promotes a ‘thinking’ climate. As for where the “gay community” is going, I’ll be yet another to say I hate that expression. A community should not be defined nor formed based on ONE trivial thing that everyone has in common. We are NOT all one simply because we have the same sexuality. If this were true, those stereotypical labels everyone keeps referring to would not exist. But they do exist, and as annoying as these labels are, they exist for a reason. Being gay means that you can’t just meet someone you think is attractive, there’s a long laundry list of criteria that one must meet in order to determine if he is another’s “type.” As for the direction of gay people in the communities, it depends on one’s demographic, naturally. It’s unfortunate that, as a whole, people tend to see the bad things about gay lifestyle when referring to “gay community” and I don’t think there’s anyone else to blame for that besides we, ourselves. The promiscuity that goes on in gay communities goes far, far beyond “sexual freedom” and “sexual revolution.” Part of having any freedom is being able to control oneself of the dangers of excess. Because of excess, diseases run rampid, drug use is unbelieveable, esepcially now that many associate sex with drugs, or drugs with sex. For these and many other reasons, many gay men like me have very few outlets for which to meet others. I don’t have part in what is known as the “gay community”…..it’s unfortunate to say, but….one is known by the company he keeps. Little progress has been made when, in fact, A4A is one’s best outlet to meet a guy (other than typical bar/club/sex house venues). That’s my 2 cents.

  • I could care less about gay marriage. Let those gays who want to get married deal with it and stop trying to make it every other gay’s responsibility.

    Love doesn’t end because of not being married. Gay marriage isn’t about love, it’s about financial benefits only.

  • @Philip: what does your comment have to do with thoughts on the gay community? Instead, you have written a racist bit of drivel about an alleged gay scam. FYI it’s not just WASP gay men who have “money to send.” These scam artists prey on all gay men who feel ostracized from the accepted norm be it based on age, race, body type. Feelings of isolation know no color, no socio-economic status.

  • @EASTVALLEY (and company)

    Im long winded sorry…anyways in your entire post you didn’t really define how you see community or look at how individualization could cause problems. That’s why you missed his point.

    A community (IMO) means you share lot of similar experiences and often times that leads you to develop common values. Obviously all gays won’t share the same values, but we have a lot in common. That’s why I hate when gays say “I’m not apart of the gay community because being gay doesn’t define me”. That’s not true. If you are gay, YOU ARE ACTIVELY DEFINING THE COMMUNITY. It’s like being black. Everyone knows I am, and I will always represent a face of the black community to the people I interact with, if I want to or not. Individualism is fantastic for that reason. It shows diversity within my community.

    Instead of gay guys claiming they aren’t “one of us” they should use their lack of superficial commonalities to show other guys (who may feel marginalized for being different) that we are all different and we do want to understand and vet to know eachother. Its called building each other up. This world doesn’t do that anymore cause everything is always a fucking competition.

    That’s why I love PRIDE! It has its issues but I’m confident that we raise a crap ton of money while we’re there. Many of the events we pay cover for give proceeds to charities and foundations that help GLBT individuals. We help them because they are part of OUR COMMUNITY. We identify with the struggles some young guys have when coming out, the same things that put us out of work and home, and potentially cause substance abuse. Its not to say that doesn’t happen in other communities, but its going to effect our community more acutely because we have a smaller population. We have to be aware of that. We need to care more. We need to stop acting like being gay doesn’t set us apart.

  • As a gay recording artist I feel the need to respond. I’m so thankful that I can be openly gay but I’ll never forget the people who made it possible for this to happen. I feel like as a culture we’ve lost sight of the struggles others have had to go throughfor US to get to this point. We fought so hard just to get married in this country…but we know people are fighting for their LIVES in other countries. All these years we have been taking a stand for our acceptance. Fighting for our ability to love the people we were born to love. And while we are getting married people are still commiting suicide and people are still dying. I’m not saying we should try to change the world but as gay people with rights we should try to atleast prove that we indeed do have a culture. Prove to them that it’s not just about sex. I don’t care who you are…no one wants to live in a cage. To feel trapped for one reason or another. I think that once we got a little freedom we forgot where we came from. We forgot that sometimes acting on our feelings would possibly leave us beaten up or worse. We forgot the heroes who inspired us to stand up and fight for our beliefs

  • “…And while we are getting married people are still commiting suicide and people are still dying.”

    Not all gay people are fighting to get married, many of us don’t care about such things and are able to love our partners just fine without it. Also; People who commit suicide have other problems, it’s not because they are gay or can’t get married.

    “…as gay people with rights we should try to atleast prove that we indeed do have a culture.”

    Only our sexual orientation is gay. The so called “culture” part is phony, superficial and often obnoxious, which is one of the main reasons others don’t like us.

    Homosexuality is not an accomplishment, it just happens and while it’s nothing to be ashamed of (like being able to use a toilet) is nothing to take any pride in.

  • SOOOO many great things about being queer. Here are some observations from the front however:

    Queer as caveman:
    1) Stats? Pic?
    2) Oh and then shock… closeup “pics” of anus
    3) Take age then subtract 7
    4) Bareback – watch out it’s not just HIV, gonn, syph, chlam, but HPV, & LYME DISEASE too

    HPV:
    20+ different virus types
    some turn into malignant cancer
    transmissable via oral and anal sex, and rubbing skin against skin (they are found on thighs even)

    LYME DISEASE:
    found in semen samples in a recent study

  • @ QueerO

    yeah lets wave a big P-flag for all of those wonderful things and pretend we are proud of ourselves lol!

  • The community is fractured and in disrepair. Stereotyping ourselves as we go…and alienating our own along the way. As being 50 now..I am still vital, happy and sexy. But today the olders look for young only and the young want nothing to do with 50 unless they are looking for money..or they have the wrong attitude. When I was 20 I loved an older man…sexy and sweet !! Age is a number guys !! Come together so we can work together..that equals a real community…not some fake crap and drooling over certain body types etc. How childish!!

  • He is wrong and if there is a problem in the gay community it is that we have people like him within that are so judgemental, negative and generally against their own community because it does not fall within the white picket fence confines of their blissful life.

    Too often it get’s forgotten that things like drugs are also a problem in the straight community there are just so many more of them that it does not make headlines, or get gossiped about like it does in the gay community.

    As for the sex, we are sexual because for so long we had to do it in secret and shame so naturally with the changes over time and acceptance there is a tendency to want to make up for lost time….

    One thing we have is diversity, warts and all and those who are so quick to self loathe the community need to remember that before they go running off at the mouth about the downfall of the gay community.

  • the gay community has made many advancements and will continue 2 rise………beautiful strides……life is 2 be enjoyed not depressed

  • Well….there are different types of gay communities…which is divided by race…black….white….Hispanic…Asian…ect…which one are you referring to???

  • The community hasn’t changed much actually it may be worse. I notice you guys still don’t like to talk about race. I see many who would want to fuck some of another race but don’t want to be seen with them. Why do you always want to go to their house but never yours? Now you mention label, I’m a total top who loves foreplay but many are not into total top or total bottom. You any and everything goes just a matter of time until something catch up to you…

  • Well, given I gave up on it 10+ years ago, I really am not all too worried about whats happening with the gay community!! It is childish, cliquish, foolish, selfish, silly & I refuse to entertain any of it! Not to mention, there is no sense of direction; decency, dignity, integrity, loyalty & respect ALL seem to have no place in it. No sense of loyalty because no one’s ever been loyal to them! Found them to be very competitive for the very wrong reasons & they’re not even worthy of the word “competition”. I found myself in a very dark corner those years ago to learn that. I’m good, gave back my “card” & I don’t need them welcoming me with “open arms & love”. I keep more straight friends. First impressions leave that lasting mark…

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