28 Oct 2013

Gay Stuff : Going Solo

Category: Gay Stuff

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Of all the images we associate with “good life”, living by ourselves is not usually one of them. Being “alone” from what we’ve been told, is when things go south… Traditionally we pity a single person, people think that a single person is “less than” is “lacking” is “suspect”, “psychopathic”, “sad”. People will say of a single guy that he is too immature, too selfish, too this ,too that…but is it fair? Isn’t living alone let you control your life totally?

In Canada, there is now more single people than couples living with children. In major US cities more than half the population is living on their own. Singles are now dictating the way housing should be, the way food has to be packaged, traveling packages etc. 

Many advantages come with living alone : never having to compromise, it gives you time to develop more of yourself, you can have a more elaborated social life (parties, clubbing, sports), personal satisfaction, fulfilment, you can meet anyone at any time you want to and all of this gives many singles the appreciation of being single.

Another driver of “living alone”  is the communication revolution. Dating websites like A4A, and even the apps ( iOS, Android), Facebook, Twitter, emails, text messages, Skype etc. We have tremendous capacity to be home alone but actively social and connected with other people.

Of course there are also disadvantages of being single. Being in a couple brings you richness, you can also share, feel understood, feel loved. You can also benefit from better finances, pairing up was also proven to help against depression because when you are single you can get lonely and isolated.

But in 2013, being single is not something bad! It’s a decision people are taking for themselves, to have a better quality of life.

What do you think about it? Are you single? By choice? Divorced? How is it?

Dave

47 comments for Gay Stuff : Going Solo

  • After having to live with roommates for financial reasons for years. ..I live alone with my dog and wouldn’t have it any other way. I have the occasional weekend guest/friend from outta town &that is all the company I need.

  • This stigma of being single is a crock of s**T! I know personally that I am stronger than most of the “partnered/married” people that I know and I feel sorry for them.

  • I am good at being single. I work a lot of hours 100+ hours a week and i enjoy the work, I have a very active social life, and I do a lot of traveling. I like the quiet at home, and if I don’t want to be alone, that is easily solved.

  • I am a single guy and definitely not ashamed of being single. When you are not much into going to the clubs but would rather be doing other things one of the only ways to try and meet people is through internet dating. I have been on A4A for some time now and from what I am experiencing so far with A4A i.e. the games, the lies, the fakes, the people having no clue what they are looking for, and the guys one there looking for a sugar daddy, I am so glad I am single. It is hard to find love when you know what you are looking for and others do not And I truly believe that you will not find love on A4A or most gay dating sites. Pretty much you are left with no choice but to stay single rather then putting up with all the BS that comes with internet dating.

  • I recently got out of a 6 year relationship 4 or so months ago. I have enjoyed being single since then. No desire to go out on a date. It gives me the freedom to do whatever I wish, whenever I wish, not to mention some quality alone time to focus on myself and career.

  • XXX Lover : Many guys found love on A4A though. I think dating sites are what you make it.

  • I’m single by choice! I don’t want to deal with all the “stuff” involved in having a relationship! Too much to deal with and who needs dick when you have a right hand? lol

  • married for 16 years. I will NEVER have another person in the house I pay for telling me what color to paint the walls or where the paintings go, or a host of other things. Single and will never put my neck in that noose again . . . for a man or a woaman

  • There is nothing wrong being single, sometime being single is better then being with a person your not in sink with and have lots of drama cause of it. Not many people can stand being alone for any length of time alone. I’m not sure why that is, everyone has there own issues. But, yes the ultimate relationship is to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him, until then, enjoy being who you are alone until he appears.

  • Being single has it’s pluses and minuses. Being single gives you the liberty of coming and going as you please. Enjoying going out and hooking up wjen and wherever.you want. The minus part is you”re heart will never know the passion of someone who truly loves you and wants you’re heart just as much as you’re body. I’ve been in both. Footless and fancy free and craving the intimacy of a relationship.

  • I’d still rather have a husband to come home to everyday!!!!

  • being one of the single guys in the gay world , I find it to be a lot more to my liking. I have had lovers and roommates and now its time for me to be me.

  • I agree with all the advantages of being single. It’s all by choice here. Less the people, less the drama, lies, stress and most of all games people play in today’s world. Enjoy the comfort of a man from time to time, but it’s really nice just being single as for me in my house (lol) Also gives you quality time to get up, go out have fun with a special guy whether NSA, mutual friendship, or buddy on the regular. To sum it all up, it’s fantastic.

  • Well the merchandise out there is terrible so there isn’t much of a choice but to stay alone and avoid problems

  • I have had three serious relationships in my life, and although they were good in the beginning, not one of them ended pretty. I now live alone, and am very happy to have made that choice some 5 years ago. I am alone quite often, but I am seldom ever lonely. When I desire company, that is easy to accomplish.

  • I’ve been single for a little over 5 years now and wouldn’t have it any other way. Being single doesn’t mean you can’t love and be loved. I make a good living and have a couple of very close buds who I am definitely in love with and they with me, but we feel no need to live together and or entrap each other in any kind of proclaimed, committed relationship. It would be different if we were raising children, but I have no paternal instincts whatsoever, so I see no good reason to change a thing in my life.

  • Just because I am alone, does not mean I am lonely

  • Nothing wrong with being single…but I definitely miss being in a relationship…having that companion that’s always willing to listen and care…that feeling of “whole-filled” when you identify in someone…

  • The choice of being single is never permanent. However, as you live longer on your own, you not only get set in your ways, you also develop a better sense of who you are which can only enhance who you are. I have more single friends than partnered friends and my single friends are truly enjoying their journey as I am. I always keep my prospects open to meeting the perfect companion – no labels, no rings, no wedding – just a soul mate I can share all that life offers. In essence, a true friend! There is nothing better than that!

  • I enjoy being single I am retired and you will be surprise
    of the free time you have to enjoy the day.
    going to the beach, traveling and many encounters on the way
    I do not look older than my age and I will not have anyother way Now I am enjoing my real individual not what ever society dictates
    Having great time to smell the roses

  • Blog: I am going to disagree with you. I have been on A4A about 18 months now. Will be leaving it at the end of the week. Have not found anyone worth my time. Too many fakes and liars. Sorry. That is just my opinion. I would rather stay single and enjoy being single then to have to go through all the disappointment. Sorry, just my opinion

  • @xxx: Yeah, I know how you feel. Around my parts, the guys are awful and this is coming from a younger guy lol. Everythingyou said is amplified with guys under 30.

    Anyway, being single had its merits. It’s pure freedom to do whatever you want. Plus, I love sex and finding someone with my appetite is near impossible.

  • met my last bf on another site and it worked well for over 3 years, we still stay in contact but he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants with other men and when i found out that was the end of that! if i can’t be in a monogamous relationship then i don’t want it. there is a place and time for everything, including “love”. if it comes along great, if not it won’t kill me to stay “alone”. need sex?….hummm, can get that anywhere and especially those that are “partnered” or so-called “st8″.

  • I have been single all my life so far and i am 24 years young i perfer it at the moment it allows me to not be hurt by those who just want sex all the time and dont want to love me for me i have tried to get close to a few guys but when it came down to it they either wanted sex or nothing to do with me so i am a happy single guy.

  • I dumped my ex’s sorry ass six years ago, and live alone with my cat. He was mentally abusive and turned me off to sex, making me feel guilty about it. I’ve had more sex these past years and met more hot guys who are not only fuck buddies, but friends, than I ever did in the past. Several have slowly come back into my life, which I like, and one guy complimented my by saying “His ass is a proverbial gold mine.” I’m a much happier than I have ever been in and plan to keep it that way!!!

  • Single : I can sleep until noon, I can eat breakfast at 5 p.m., I can make travel plans to Phoenix and not consult anyone else, I can have one or two or six guys in my hotel bed if I want. I will always enjoy being single and have no regrets. Every single attached guy I know bitches and complains about his partner.

  • ended a relationship last but we stayed roomates for money issues, but now he has a boy friend and I been enjoying the single life since we moved to our current place. We both have our own lives and I can bring home whoever I want when I want and not need worry about things we both take care of our dogs if either one of us spends the night away from home. Will take FWB over a relationship Just want one person only to do that with.

  • I don’t think relationships are bad but I’ve always been attracted to the more independent lifestyle. Relationships are great, but I’m perfectly happy being single. Everybody chooses what’s best for them and I’ve chosen to be single and I’m happier for it. Of course if it should present itself I would not hesitate to become involved in a relationship.

  • I would prefer not to be single, but to live with someone I don’t love is hell and gay men are hard to fall in love with. Something about the cock size obsession and waiting for a bigger one around the corner regardless of what it’s attached to. One of my favorite types of a4a profiles is the one where they say they want to fall in love and be monogamous, but their pictures are all dick shots and assholes and UB2. Or the ones who say, “Waiting for Mr. Right, but looking for Mr. Right Now.” In other words “I’m a flake and a hypocrite, and nothing I say is worth listening to.” Mr. Right isn’t looking for you, babe, he’s looking OUT for you — so he can steer clear. Dave the Blog is right when he says a4a is whatever you make it. If you are truly looking for 1 good man, who cares if 99.9% of the profiles are jerks? Ignore them and unlock for the ONE who’s the good one. Anyone else smell a hypocrite? As for me, I’ve made contact with someone who is so far pretty damn decent. The other guys online? Wish them all the fun drugs and kinky sex they can handle. They ain’t bothering me.

  • I was in a relationship for 23 months (thats just one month shy of two years) with a guy that turned out to be mentally unstable, he was either bi-polar or had some other mental problems that caused him to have mood swings. I really tried to make the relationship work but he would sabotage my efforts with his roller coaster moods. In December of 2011 he tells me out of the blue that he want to live alone and that I have to leave, mind you this is AFTER he calls the Chicago Police and requests that Officers escort me and my property out of the building since my name was not on the lease, I was also unemployed at the time having a tough time trying to get a job due to the job market being so slow after the economy taking a dive AND him being paranoid and saying I was cheating on him even though I NEVER went anywhere by myself, he always came with so I was not able to go and search for jobs every day. After the Douche kicked me out I being single now, got accepted into a housing program that helped me get the great apartment I currently live in and I got a job 4 blocks away from my apartment. I would rather be single and decide what I do, where I go, who I see or hang out with, maybe I am biased because of the douche bags behavior but I am happier than I have been in a long time……Sorry for being rather long winded.

  • I want to find love but guys nowdays just don’t want to take it serious its sometimes fustraiting

  • I look at all these comments and i can’t help but feel sad for alot of you. Im single too but damn…get to know a guy thoroughly before you date him so you weed out the bad ones to insure yourself that you won’t be jaded and turned off to dating after he leaves you emotionally barren. Getting things together for yourself is great but choosing to avoid the joy that comes with sharing is downright heinous. Yeah, good for you that you can have your cake and eat it too as a gay man but once your ass becomes a gross old troll you’ll wish you had that soulmate to keep you warm during those dark nights, where the only light is A4A beaming in on your tired self.

  • I was broken up with in July. I actually fell in love with this guy. Which was odd because he so wasn’t my type. But I fell for him hard. Any way rewind a year b4 that. I made a commitment to my self to just be single.for a whole year. Off the market. Just to be with me.

    Then he came along… that didn’t last.

    I even told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I voiced my situation as plainly and as clearly as I could.

    He was the first one to say the L word and the first to ask to be my bf. Which is fine because I thought I was really into him. Not even two months later he breaks up with me. He gave the excuse his life was too hectic and he was going to work in the desert or some lame shit like that. The trip is he promised me the world in the short 4 months we knew each other. I never heard such compliments.

    It’s now October and I am finally seeing the situation for what it is. He had a multitude of issues he needed to work through, and had no business being in a serious relationship.
    I also found out for myself that I wasn’t in love with him. I was in love with the idea of love. No more of that nonsense. I’m back on track, enrolled back in school and kicked some major ass in other areas of personal growth.

    Point is being single doesn’t deserve the stigma it receives. I cherish the calm moments I have to myself and think what a blessing it is I.don’t have to deal with anyone’s drama or tired ex baggage.

    I would rather have a serious meaningful relationship with myself than be that person who has fleeting superficial relationship with whoever will have me. I deserve better than that. I deserve to know my self before anyone else gets to know me.

    You can’t buy that kinda insight. I honestly am more than pumped to see what this next year will bring.

  • I am happy being single. However, I am realizing the challenges of finding a mate unrealistic (online or otherwise). I date online and go out often. I certainly don’t want to expend time for manipulative players. If a nice guy comes by I might think of a relationship. Till then I am single with my cats and hopefully soon twin babies.

  • so whats w the blogger saying in a relationship u feel loved & understood etc from being in a relationship…unless i am the only one…thats what a few good friends in life are for….

  • SINGLE, AND LOVE IT!!!

  • SIngle by choice and I love it….after all it’s better to be alone than in a relationship that’s unhappy.

  • Being in a relationship is preferable, however, as is said alone does not have to mean lonely. I could be in a relationship but I am not going to act out of desperation and just be in one for all the wrong reasons. Not to knock open relationships but most are open because people are together for all the wrong reasons as purported by gay sensibility. What I see beyond the gay picket fence is who completes me in all my social, material and financial facade, masquerading as needs but not the person who fills my soul, nurture and push me to become a better person and with whom the physical side of sex is the entry point to a greater level of connective experience. How many of us really let go and allow ourselves to move beyond the physical point of sex, to not act at it but surrender in it, allowing sex to become more than just physical and take that journey to the mental, emotional and spiritual side that is also imbued in sex. As gay men if most of us don’t even know ourselves enough to love ourselves in the way we should, how are we really going to be able to love someone else. No one completes you, they can only complement what you have become by yourself, through yourself. In most cases being alone means you have more work to do on yourself, by yourself, to become a more complete person. Alone does not mean lonely and it is better than being in a relationship in which you are still lonely, in which you cannot express for whatever reason your true self. Being by yourself is not about fear, selfishness or a punishment if you are using the time to find out who you are, to learn how to know and love you, to know the gifts you have in you to be able to bless the right person with, when they show up on your radar wherever that happens.

  • I Love being single don’t have to answer to anyone i can do what i want when i want no waiting on anyone to hurry up and get ready no sharing a bathroom yippeee my big bed fits me great. no arguing no shoes clothes lying around the house what is mine is mine

  • Being fat, feminine, shy, with an I dont give a f**k attitude and a whole lotta edginess has forced me to deal with myself because I dont blend in I dont follow the gay trend and have a gym bod with a masculine look . I have learned to like bieng single with the freedom to be me and rome freely

  • I’ve always been single, I’m in my late 30s and has never been in a LTR. Am I a psychopath? No, otherwise I would of been diagnosed as one. It’s just I’ve not found that guy yet. Do I mind being single? yes and No. I’ve always wanted to be in a LTR. But because of my wild past it sort of interfered and I wasn’t ready yet. I’ve been through a lot when I was a child so I had to work a lot on myself before I am able to love someone else. Many people get into relationships to show other people that they’re not psychos or to prove something meanwhile they’re not in a healthy relationship. I don’t want that. There are those who are afraid of being single, I am not that. I don’t mind being single. But I would like to be in a LTR with the right guy and not just for the sake of showing others or prove anything to anyone. I see it all the time, people in a LTR, but they’re not happy. One thing I do know, chances of finding that guy in Canada or/and online is very slim. People in Canada are reserved uptight pickle up ass types. And online they’re after sex, they show their assholes or cock as if I was walking into a butcher shop looking at body parts. I message people, they don’t respond, and I know I am not ugly. Am I being a pessimist? Probably. But prove me wrong. There are a small percentage of people who were successful at finding their man online.

  • When I first came out of the closet in NYC, I was exposed to all the excitement, and wanted to find “the one”. But most that I encountered, had a lover, and wanted his cake and eat it too. So they pretended to be single. I would eventually find out. Luckily within a few weeks. You know what? Too much work, and not worth the energy.

    I prefer to be single. When I see gay couples screwing around on each other behind their backs. And yet, they will contest that they love their other half a great deal. Well, if that is love, I don’t want it. Why do you screw around with someone else? Did you based your relationship merely on sexual attraction, and not common interest?

    I agree with the some of the other comments left by other people, Gay Sites, dating or otherwise, do not do it for finding a quality guy. These guys are selling themselves and lying in doing so. Your best bet is to get involved in some organizations/ clubs (not night clubs) involving the gay population.

    I met someone years back (2003) on Yahoo. I wasn’t looking and he wasn’t looking. We decided to finally meet. We met at a restaurant and stayed there chatting for a total of three hours. The waitress was pissed because here shift ended and didn’t get a tip. Boom, our common interests began to surface, as well as sexual attraction. Needless to say, we are still together. We never seem to get bored with each.

    From my personal experience, you keep your friends longer than you keep your lovers. :-)

  • Sure we’d all love to be in a perfect loving passionate relationship.

    But being single is FAR better than being in a relationship that’s not working. And the vast majority of relationships are not working. Constant tension bickering manipulation etc it saps your soul.

    Lots of people don’t know how to be alone and need to always be with someone. Odd species, we.

  • Arguing about where to hang pictures etc. lol!!!

    Why do so many gay guys think they are such fabulous interior decorators and why would a couple supposedly in love be arguing and basing the value of their relationship on such nonsense is what I’d like to know.

    I’m sorry, but that just made me laugh when I read it and it only proves how so many gay relationships are based on nothing but superficiality and only being in love with the idea of being in love.

  • Being single, for me, is the best option right now. I’m 23, graduated college in May and I have many different opportunities at my feet right now; law school, working overseas for a couple of months, my best friend and I even have enough saved to bum around a different country for a couple of months.

    I’m not opposed to being in a relationship. I definitely see their benefits, my parents have been happily married (mostly) for almost 40 years. Maybe it’s because I haven’t connected with anyone on that level yet… But I can honestly say that right now I’m too selfish to be in a relationship, and the idea of hooking up with guys from different countries is very appealing.

    I’m loving the single life

  • All of you are right with your opinions, but one is right on the dot. When you get older nobody will want to cuddle with you at night, nobody to care for and nobody to be there when you are sick. Being alone is good true? But having the right one waiting for you is priceless.

  • I hate cuddling and I don’t like company when I’m not feeling well.

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