16 Dec 2013

Health : Would You Date An HIV Positive Man?

Category: Gay Stuff : Health

dating

Hi guys, I hope you had a wonderful weekend.

Today’s topic is a bit serious but so important.

I have few friends around me that are HIV positive and it brought me to want to learn more about it, learn more about them, their relationships, love, dating, sex. I asked them questions to find out that it was not easy for them to meet guys. And for my friends who are openly out about their status, it’s even harder even if they are all undetectable. They told me that as soon as they mention their status to a guy, some of them get automatically rejected. Only few seronegative guys seem to be “educated” enough on the subject to accept to go on a date and have sex with them. I say “educated’” because I think what makes people fear HIV postive guys, is thast they don’t know much about the virus and how controlled it is today with medications.

There are many myths about HIV and a good article I read last week was mentioning some of the biggest and I’d like to share some with you:

 -HIV positive guys transmit the virus easily

Did you know that positive guys on anti-HIV drugs reduces the risk of passing HIV to sex partners? Of course it is not 100% effective yet but the risk of infecting a partner is enormously reduced. A large international study looked at couples in which one partner was HIV positive and the other was HIV negative. The researchers found that if the positive partners took HIV medications to suppress their viral load (undetectable) the rate of HIV infection for the HIV negative partners was 96% lower if the positive partner was on ARVs. (source: http://www.va.gov/)

Statistically, you are far, far more at risk if you have unsafe sex with someone who doesn’t know their HIV status then someone who takes his medication religiously to keep is health on top!

 

-HIV and AIDS are the same thing

So many people think that they are the same thing or that HIV diagnosis is a death sentence. Sexual health charity Terrence Higgins Trust just did research of people living with HIV and this came out as the biggest myth, heard by 63% of them.

HIV  (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) The virus will cause AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome)  if you don’t realize you are HIV positive and take treatment. This condition is when your immune system is destroyed, allowing other infections and cancers to kill you. But people who get diagnosed quickly will start treatment and never contract AIDS and will have a normal lifespan like everybody else.

 

-”I’m monogamous, so I’m not in danger!” 

Hmmm, not quite! Sadly more gay men contracted HIV from their regular partner or boyfriend then do from having random sex with strangers. So it’s why always wearing a condom is your best line of defense.

 

-HIV positive guys are uneducated slutty whores

I personally know lot’s of POZ guys because I worked for Gay Pride organization here in Montreal and now work for A4A so I can tell you that they are the most amazing people I know. Imagine to learn that you are HIV positive and then live with it. For some, it was not even their fault, the condom broke, a boyfriend cheated on them, etc. but they still have to carry on living. It definitely made them stronger persons. Some are very active in the gay community, they respect others (because they want them to respect them), they are very “health oriented” and definitely very loving with their friends and family. Many of my friends who have HIV are professionals. Lawyers, ingineers, business owners, very successful people…so HIV is not only contracted by sex workers, it can be your best friend, your brother and your son. Show your love and support instead of hating:)

 

So after reading this, what do you say? Are you more open to date a positive guy? Are you less scared? Do you want to have more information?

I want to know guys if you are positive or negative (if you want to tell me of course) and if you have been in a relation with a positive man (or vice versa if you are positive).

If you are negative and refuse to date a positive men, I want to know why?

Thanks guys and have a wonderful day!

Dave

 

 

 

 

225 comments for Health : Would You Date An HIV Positive Man?

  • Dave, thanks so much for publishing this. I’m poz and had a 5 year realationchip with a man who remains negative. We did not use condoms, by mutual agreement. It bothers me to see men post ads asking for ”clean” only. I’m not dirty! I live with hiv. Those who reject us are missing out on amazing, potentially life long relationships. Thanks again!
    Tim

  • Certainly knowing your status is important, but I was taught at an early age to treat everyone as being potentially positive. Play “safer” or don’t play at all.

  • Where I did enjoy reading your artical I have to say I have never had any fear of a positive person. Where I live well I don’t get to meet many but if they are or are not doesn’t really matter to me, I however do like to be informed. To me it just shows how much more honest a person is, and believe me in this area there’s not much of that. I am now 61 and of course it seems many are not interested in me and I’ve learned to live with that ( not that I enjoy it ) it’s just a fact I’ve learned to live with, of course I have emphysema with COPD so maybe that’s alot of the reason many don’t care for me? Please keep posting things like this, I truly enjoy reading them!…..Sincerely, Jerry

  • Hi Tim, perfect that’s why I wrote this article :)

  • I would date an poz guy, he knows what he and can not do, and is safe.

  • I’ve known some wonderful HIV+ guys who I’ve also had sex with an I’m still negative.
    If you want to learn more, go read some of the stuff written by gay porn star Charlie Harding. He’s an smart, educated, HIV- guy who happens to be partners with an HIV+ man. He talks about the need to get educated on this topic to stave off fear.
    Also, you could look at Brad McGuire (of TIM fame). He is HIV- and dates James Roscoe, who is HIV+. Maybe not the best role models, but proof that there are people out there who aren’t afraid of HIV or the men carrying it.

  • I would date a guy who is poz heathy because I found out I was poz in September of 2008 and last year I became undetectable for the first time. I get rejected because of my HIV status even throw my T cell count is above 800

  • Would I data a positive man ? Well, I would not go out looking for a positive guy, but love is love. There are greater obstacles to a relationship than HIV status.

  • In the very first date my guy was honest with me and I made the decision of not judging him by his condition… So far the best guy I ever met…

  • Dave,
    Would you date a poz guy? I would. I see nothing wrong with it. What ever makes you happy.

  • A very important topic that needs to be addressed if not to learn to respect all but the more information we have and the more conversations the less fear and hate there is. I am a poz friendly but neg top. Education is the key and I thank you for this topic. I hope it is left up long enough to receive many comments.

  • I’m HIV neg. I participate in a HIV vaccine study. I learned some things about the virus through the study but I have never had a fear of people with HIV. My first boyfriend was poz. I wouldn’t reject someone because of their status but that’s probably because I educate myself. In general, gay men don’t treat each other with much respect but this is one area that needs the biggest improvement. Please continue to post info on this matter.

  • Hey Dave,

    Awesome topic and thanks for posting this (maybe make it a regular topic with updates).

    I’m neg and have been with poz guys before. Some knowing they were and made that clear to me and others who knew they were and hid it from me. I have a tremendous amount of respect for guys who are up front and even put it in their profiles that they are poz. For the guys who hide their status from a partner/hook up that’s just WRONG on so many levels. I can understand not broadcasting it in your profile. You have to think if you announce it publicly, your chances have got to diminish on finding a partner/hook up. But I don’t think that’s something you should keep a secret to the guy your about to have sex with.

    As Tim had mentioned the use of the term “clean”. It can mean so many things. Some guy think “oh the guy is STD FREE”, others think “the guy just douched and got out of the shower”. It’s important to ask a direct question. “Do you know you status?” When was the last time you were tested?” And protect yourself and partner accordingly.

    I feel much more comfortable with a guy who states he’s poz as now we both know. Yes, I’d date a guy who was poz. Just as I would a guy with cancer. There are precautions out there. You need to educate yourself.

    Dave, most guys aren’t going to read medical journals and what they know is from listening to a friend. this is a good forum to help educate guys who don’t know. I’m sure A4A has or can get the needed resources to put something together. I’m sure you’d be helping some ppl out.

  • Yes I would date Poz Btm. The new scientific evidence shows that HIV is not the real cause of AIDS. Luc Montagnier (the discoverer of HIV) has come out with startling announcement in new documentary: The House of Numbers. Learn the facts, think for yourself, and live without fear.

  • I have been in my current relationship for the past 7 years. A year into the relationship I was diagnosed as being positive for HIV. I gave my partner the option of leaving the relationship at the time of our finding out my status, and he courageously declined my offer, instead telling me that he would stick by me no matter what.
    I am also very open about being both a gay man and a PHA. Thanks for writing this article.

  • I love my poz bf. I remain negative

  • It’s amazing how many guys in out community are still carrying a 1980′s mentality about HIV. How is it that there’s been such strides made in the defense of HIV but then I hear guys ask “what does undetectable mean?” Shame on you, any of you gay men (negative or positive) that are not educated about the virus in the year 2013. And I have to agree with Tim…I am so offended when I hear people refer to being negative as “clean!” As an HIV positive man that takes care of himself mentally and physically, I am probably overall healthier than many negative guys out there, and certainly not “dirty.”

  • Really like the article posted here. Just so much needed information that all should consider. Hiv poz guys are much cleaner and up to date. Sure they still need to take care of themselves, take the meds religiously. Nothing wrong with dating a negative guy, some are what they call, pos friendly. They will look inside the heart, not the outside. Still as mentioned, most aren’t educated enough to know of any of the deadly diseases. Little do they know, they’re more at risk than an infected person. One they think are safe and negative, could be the one that puts them in the same category here. Trust me, it has happened, still happening by the minute. One must know more about the disease before he cast any judgment on anyone. Am poz, undetected for the last 8 years, very healthy, living a normal life. My main concern is for the “perfect” guys that degrade our lifestyle….beware you having sex is at a greater risk than ever….

  • I do not have an issue with poz guys but however I do have an issue with poz guys who lie about there status and use the excuse of if I would of told you you would never have talk to me or gave me a chance I can understand why one would think that but I thinks it’s fair for a person to know and if someone feels I’m not hooking up with anyone poz rather their hot safe clean can’t pass it on its there choice to make lol can we just accept people’s choices I’m black not everyone likes me but that’s okay but there is so many poz people out there for any poz guy to say they can’t find anyone but in all I would say I rather be with someone who is poz knows he’s poz and takes care of them self rather then a horn dog who has no clue and doesn’t care to know !! It’s all about be honest with yourself and other people the rest will come

  • I dated a positive guy once but he turned into a real dick

  • I am gay,and I am HIV+,undetectable,on medication{complera}found out in September of this year{2013}I have found there is still a lot of stigma and misinformation concerning HIV!I think the general public needs more information!I just turned 50 in September also,and anticipate living a some what normal life span.I live in Hagerstown,Md.and am well educated.Kevin L.Spielman

  • Great article. I lost one of my closest friends during the height of the crisis in the mid 1980′s. I remember going to see him in the hospital and seeing the warning on his room door as well as wearing a paper mask while visiting. Because I was fascinated by the disease I made it my business to be informed as possible. I knew how it was transmitted and tried to tell as many as I could. Having said that I think that dating a great guy is more important his status. I am hugely respectful to the guys that list their status. When I see some moron list his status as ” I don’t know” or “anything goes” I will block them. We also need to remember that at some point syphilis and gonorrhea where killers without a cure.

  • As a negative man in my mid forties, I have dated many HIV positive men in the past and continue to do so. I appreciate the fact that they know their status and that they are honest about it. Sadly, in the area of Nebraska where I live, there are many who don’t know or disclose their status to potential mates due to the stigma associated with it, even though they are putting others at risk. Luckily, the younger generation of men in the area are better educated on the disease and are more upfront about it. The Nebraska AIDS Project offers free HIV testing and education on the subject as well as providing condoms to encourage safer sex practices. Know your status and be informed, it is the best way to fight the spread of the disease!

  • I would date an poz guy. Its all about being educated mybfriends. I guess I’m more educated than others BC I work in the medical field. I have dated a poz guy and I’m still negative. Most HIV positive guys I’ve ever meet have been more loving and caring than negative guys but I would got out looking for a positive guy but if I meet one and feel in love with him I’d deal with his statues.

    Corey from ohio

  • I am negative but I would date someone positiv. I like this one guy that I know is positive and I still care about him. The only thing is I am not his type.

  • gay men lie about their status, so this question really means nothing. A4A is full of men who say they are negative but really are POZ. i caught one guy who said he was negative on the A4A site then turned around a put a POZ ad on Craigslist.

  • Would I date someone who is positive? Yes, to not based on just that and have the chance of missing the greatest love of my life would be awful. It is hard to believe that after 30 plus years there are those out there who are uneducated and prejudice. Oh well, that just leaves those great guys for us.

  • God, I don’t know what I should write here. I am HIV Positive and my Partner is Negative. One month later we meet we just found out that I am Hiv positive.We been going to lots of stress and sadness together,but we did manage to go one and safe our relationship.Now we are in Civil Partnership and we love echother. It is sad and stressful when you find out such a ugly think,evan when you just meet the person who you love.
    Wish you all Marry Christmas and a Happy New Year

  • I am glad you posted this Blog/ I am HIV and undetectable. I have been HIV positive since the beginning of this epidemic. I get so tired of the term clean and people stating HIV POZ people are wreck less. In the late 70′s early 80′s gay life was so much different especially if you lived in NYC, LA, or SF. between 1979 and 1984 I lived in all three cities at one time or another. I lived the type of gay lifestyle today referred to as Circuit Party type.

    This was normal for Gay men who could afford to go out and was part of the social norm.

    How different life is today I had a lover for 7 years who to this day is still negative. I am now currently married for 7 years legally in Boston and we are both POZ and where when we met. we are also both undetectable and growing old together something I never thought would be possible to either grow old or be married. A lot of my friends died on the experimental drugs that led to todays break through’s. and important drug that has turned this tide is Truvuda.

    All I ask is that people educate themselves and stop the derogatory terms.

    And most important guys if you have not tested in several years or never at all that does not mean you are Negative. you are status unknown.

  • I was in a two year relationship with a positive man for about two years. One thing that was important to me was learning what it meant to be hiv+ I educated myself on the virus, what was safe and what was not. We had a pretty awesome sex life while we were together. I am negative to this day. He is still with us and doing well, so just know how to protect yourself, and you will be fine.

  • We as a community created this enigma. You see it right here on this website clear as day ON EVERYONE’S PROFILE!

    HIV STATUS:NEG/ POZ/ DONT KNOW

    Why doesn’t A4A have HEP C STATUS? There are many more medically unsolvable issues with that than there are with HIV.

  • I wish a4a would add Hep C to the profiles or remove the poz or neg ? To many men in our community are using Meth an passing many STD ‘s not just HIV. My first lover/partner died of Aids in 1992 .

  • Two things: (1) Be honest (whether neg or positive)

    (2) Communicate

    I am negative (and have been with positive men BUT I AM honest/open about my intentions and seek mutual agreement on safe sex).

    I wish people would think about using “poz” as if some trendy or fashionable word. It’s NOT a Fendi bag. Some of my friends (who are positive) really wish gay men would reconsider the casual use as if describing a fad or trend.

    In sum, honesty is the BEST policy.

  • Without a doubt I would and have dated poz men.

  • Hey, thanks for sharing this!! I just started talking to a guy on A4A who is POZ, and I guess he has had a lot of guys read his profile, which says he’s POZ, and they don’t even say hi, they just email him, and call him a freak or monster. That’s not right. Some positive guys are a lot nicer and more understanding of the world than negative ones. Also, POZ guys are human just like the rest of us. They already have what we could just as easily get. Thanks again for sharing!

  • @ John B.: “Amazing”? How about “pathetically sad”? Though you’re right, why do more “straight people” know MORE about HIV transmission and AIDS?

    I personally have run into the MOST “stupid of the bunch” when I read that guys are now using “codes to convey that they want NOTHING to do with HIV positive men”, when ironically they sleep with (unbeknownst to THEM) HIV+ men ALL THE TIME. Yet when someone is ‘honest about it’? They suddenly turn into “Typhoid Mary” (no pun intended here).

    The ’1980′s mentality’ is sure true, as back THEN they had NO drugs, ARV’s or otherwise and were clutching at straws. I’ve been HIV for over 30 years, and I keep it to my self, unless I’m going to sleep with someone who is HIV negative.

    Fear of the unknown is pretty stupid, and it seems that there are “stupid people” that inhabit the gay community. Odd, eh?

  • I have and will continue to date anyone I find intriguing enough to want to date and who would consider going out with me regardless of HIV status. I have always stated that I consider everyone out there to be positive and therefore I practice safe sex with everyone. As a top who over the years became an oral bottom, I’ve known the risks since the beginning and I firmly believe in protecting myself and any partner I might have. I am saddened by the prejudice I see among my gay friends and acquaintances as well as the ignorance. Thank you for helping to educate the communities in which we live. We have to realize that love is love and it would be a shame to miss out on that due to PREJUDICE.

  • I would and have dated HIV+ men and have safe sex while dating so not to re-infect each other with a new strain so to speak, myself have been poz for 26 soon to be 27 years and no meds yet(knock on wood) still undetectable, I wasn’t a slutty whore or had unprotected sex with a person who said they were not poz but mine came as through a blood transfusion from an accident as a passenger I was in and found the blood was tainted, I guess I feel lucky since I still have my health and all but have lost a great deal of close friends whom either died quickly or over the years and I’m still here, HIV+ men need love also so keep strong fellas no fear…Peace

  • Thanks for this post. I am poz and have had not had very good experiences with dating. There is still much mis-information out there but this will help. I still have hopes of meeting a guy I can be close to and love and even be loved in return……..Thanks!

  • When my boyfriend found out he was POZ five years ago, we were only friends. That’s when I realized I actually loved him. My whole view of HIV+ people was changed instantly. We’re now a couple, and I love him.

  • I am HIV+ (undetectable for over 10 years) and have had very little luck in the dating area. Not all due to HIV+ but it is the most quote reason people use to reject me . I ask them why they feel they cannot date a poz person and and they just are not educated enough about it so they play it safe and date others. I have come to the point I reveal my status the minute I start talking to someone about a date; just avoid any awkward situations and wasted time. Thanks for doing a small part in educating the masses about this topic.

  • To all those who responded:

    Thank you for taking the time to respond to this blog. As someone who has become increasingly despondent about every being in a relationship because of my status, this gives me hope. The health difficulties from HIV (which are close to zero for me, frankly) pale in comparison to the social and psychological ramifications of this virus. Although there are just as many people who have rejected me and have written hateful things like “dirty”, this give me hope that the tide is changing direction. Thanks for the early Christmas gift.

  • I have been HIV+ since the mid 1980′s, I was in a 23 year relationship and he remained HIV negative, so it does work. He suddenly passed away 3 years ago. I agree that with some education, the negative guys will have some better understanding and won’t fear us. I am just putting myself out there to date, it is really tough, it is true that when I am upfront and will always be upfront about my status with a guy it is always a deal breaker, which makes me very sad and not wanting to go back out there by putting myself back in that position.
    Thanks for bringing this issue up.

  • It’s unfortunate when some one is diagnosed with HIV. I have met many HIV Positive people here on A4A. Many say the same thing. It is better managed now. They are undetectable. They still have HIV, and they can still spread it through unprotected sex. Nobody wants HIV. I feel not having sex with a person who is HIV positive is one of many ways not to contract HIV. Condoms fail.

  • One of my ex-boyfriends was positive and I LOVED him no differently than my negative boyfriends. I have and definitely would again…..wake up guys its not a death sentence.

  • Yes I would, HIV is no longer a death sentence anymore there are persons living with the illness who have had it for 20 or so years. there are even more who have had it for the 10 years who are undetectable and live healthier lives the the average man or women. HIV is no longer a killer it just means you have to take care of your self. But I do believe communioating to someone you are intimate with is a must even if you use protection they have a right to decide to make that choice. Not tell a sexual partner is wrong.

  • Hey! I took some time to read this article and the comments, congratulations to the guys are lucky and have a relationship being HIV+, I can see the problem of the people is not educated everyday and that is true they are a lot of myths around but in my experience talking with some guys about this topic in part is our fault, as begginer many poz guys whos are not informed make a huge deal abuth this cry with their friends because they are gonna day, complain about the side effects of the medications as it was the worst thing in the world and as somebody said, people usually don’t go to read medical articles, they stay with what they hear, this is awesome you are writting this article, but I think as HIV+ guys is our own responsability to educate our selfs and start educating people around us, sorry about my englis, and hugs from Mexico.

  • I personally wouldn’t date a poz guy. My intention is not to be prejudice but fears would affect my sex life and peace of mind. But I appreciate the guys who are honest about their status.

  • Would I date a POZ guy? Yes I would, and have actually dated two of them, they were both undetectable and sometimes we used condoms and sometimes we didn’t, and with both I bottomed more than topped. One of my partners had full blown AIDS and we were in a relationship for over two years. That was over 5 years ago, I get tested every 6 months and remain negative to this day. As far as doing random hookups or one night stands, I always have them use a condom.
    Would I dTe someone now that’s positive? Sure, as long as they were being honest about it

  • Great subject!!! I’m a nurse and i work with hiv+ men/women and children on a daily basis. I’m neg and have dated positive guys, we are all the same. Educate yourself. Thanks dave for posting this

  • I have a first cousin who is new to being HIV poz. As a family we try to stay well informed. One thing I’ve not read in this forum and is so misunderstood, is the T cell count. We had no idea that although HIV, if not taken care of, and treated can lead to AIDS so can many other illnesses that cause the T cell count to drop below 200. We now understand that anytime a person’s T cell count drops below 200 they are concidered to have AIDS caused by whatever illness. My cousin is a great guy and he didn’t go out there with the intent of contracting it, but it is what it is. The key to any illness is to try to stay as informed as possible so we as a people can understand and help. This is a great forum.

  • Thank you for posting this blog. I have been poz for 24 yrs and have learned that the rejection rate has never changed in all these yrs. I just have learned that there are the occasional guy out there that does not mind…What I hate is when they say they don’t mind but then you never hear from them again. Evidently it is an issue. Just be honest with yourself and realize that the person you are rejecting has feelings too.

  • I would definitely take a POZ man over a NEG man any day.

  • dave thanks for this yes i would date a hiv guy thay are no diffrent than any other person we all breath the same air and have lungs and heart and the rest of the parts by all means i would in a heart beat

  • Tim, congratulations on your relationship with this negative men, I’m HIV+ since March 1990, 23 years to be exact, I’m healthy and it’s been a cross road in trying to find someone to date. Even HIV+ men are hard to find to establish a date they have more drama than a gay movie. Keep up the good work and good luck to the both of you are my best wishes and enjoy the holidays and may you have many more together. God Bless both of you. – Oscar from Gallatin, TN

  • good info

  • I’m a POZ man who was infected 28 years ago by a cheating partner. At one point I dated + and – men. At this time I only date POZ men after having 2 condoms break ( sometimes I like to give really hard). I like no stress sex, I love having a man deep throat me and not worrying (I produce a lot of pre cum. With a negative man I’m always worrie.

  • I recently found out I’m positive. One of my first fears was that no man would want to be with me because of my status. I would never hide it form s man I was interested in, but even I had qualms about being with a positive guy even though I read up on the subject.
    For those who aren’t educated, read a book. This topic hits too close to home in our community to not know. I was infected by a guy who supposedly didn’t know his status.
    The myths vs. facts really helped.
    For now I’m abstaining from sex entirely until I get comfortable with myself and my partner is comfortable with me. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, but I can’t help but think that men will be turned off when I divulge my status. Love is love, and it won’t care if I’m sick or not.
    The first thing on my mind is my health and the health of my partner. Now if I could just stumble upon a guy who wants all of me, flaws n’ all. #trippedup

  • I met, dated, loved and lived with THE guy for 7 years. He was HIV+ and I was And am still neg. When we had sex we used a condom no matter which one if us was on bottom. Sadly he passed away 5 years ago this New Years complications of leukemia.

    Having moved on with my life, I practice safe sex and I am not afraid of dating someone who is positive and healthy.

    I am seeing someone now who is neg line me. We are monogamous but still use a condom for fucking.

  • I have dated poz men and will continue to do so. I am negative and take precautions to protect myself and them. My personal wish is that ALL men would test more often for std’s of any kind and not just hiv. If we banded together and stamped out all std’s what a wonderful world it would be.

  • Yes I would date someone that was hiv.In the past I was with a guy who was hiv we were together for 5 years on and off.I never contracted the virus,we took the safe sex route.I didn’t like How I found out about it,should of come out of his mouth.But, I never held that against him.My dr. told me hiv was being listing like diabetes,high blood pressure.But, I was told to get tested every 3 mos,just to be on the safe side.which I did date 3 other guys with hiv.Friends,family,gave me a hard time dating him,but, u don’t choose who u love,or fall in love with….

  • There’s a guy in my area who is a bottom POZ and will not play safe, for what ever reason. I don’t understand the idea of not playing safe. I come from the time before HIV/AIDS and can have just as much fun playing safe then not. Not that I’ll be “dating” this guy. I don’t play unsafe andHe’s also and ageist.

  • I have dated some poz guys. I personally don’t have a problem with it. You just need to be educated and informed. In fact, I have found that it’s usually the poz guys that have more of a problem than the neg guys. Each time I dated a poz guy they seemed more afraid of giving me something than I was to catch something. It really put a mental boundary to sex sometimes. I had to do a lot to relax them that I was ok with it rather than vice versa. I found it very ironic.

  • No.

  • Thank you Dave for writing this article.
    I started to date a nice man that was up front out about being positive. I thought I would be ok with it. After I starting having oral sex with him I started to worry about it. I didn’t want to kiss him anymore because I had just brushed my teeth. I became afraid of have sex with him. I thought I would eventually contract hiv from him. I do like this man.

    After reading your article,you changed my attitude about dating a man with HIV. So I text him to say hi right away. I’m going to ask him out again. It’s time to have some hot
    sex with him.

    Thanks again,
    David

  • Wonderful blog, I’ve had my insecurities of dating poz guys.. And have met wonderful men being poz, but because of my ignorance have missed out on a life with a wonderful being. I now read your blog and am more open minded… I will do my homework and hope to find that wonderful being again

  • Such an important article! I was in a 13-year relationship with a wonderful positive man. We went separate ways, but I would never hesitate to date a positive man.

  • BTW — I remain negative to this day.

  • i used to be freaked out by poz guys but then i learned more and more over the years and now I know better. I have been with a few poz men who were very honest and upfront on their status and i met some pretty amazing men, i would have never gotten close to if i turned a blind eye to them, when they revealed their status to me. Keep helping to educate men with these types of articles.

  • Met a wonderful guy about two years ago. We meshed together very well and really enjoyed spending time together. Whether it was a cop-out excuse or not, told me he didn’t want to be with me because I was negative and he was positive. He was “scared” he might infect me. I didn’t really understand why he would think that.

    The shoe can be on the other foot sometimes, I guess.

  • Also when your CD4 count goes below 200, you are considered to have AIDS. Even though you get your CD4 count back above the 200 mark and majority of people can if they stay on their meds., you are still classified as having AIDS. Would I date someone who is HIV+? Yes I would. People who are both HIV+ and have AIDS live longer lives now then when it was first discovered. My friend’s (who was diagnosed with AIDS, had thrush and PCP) doctor told him he had a better chance of being hit and killed by a truck than dying from HIV/AIDS now. When your viral load is undetectable, it can’t be found during a “normal” blood test. You still have HIV and can still transmit the disease, but the chances of you infecting someone is lower. If your partner is positive and you aren’t, still use precautions. If you are positive and your partner is positive, you still need to use protection. You can be reinfected and the HIV will mutate.

  • I have been involved with two guys that were both poz the first one found out while we were together. The second one and I stayed together four 7 years and we are still good friends. If a guy tells me his status upfront then I feel much better.

  • I am pleased with some of the post I read on here u know I was one that was always scared of hiv but now I have had it for 3 years I ended up with it because I was with someone that didn’t even know they had it but I live with it and if more people were as educated on it as the one that have to live with it then I think it would not bother them as much Iv been undectable since two months after I found out and my t-cell dout now is 1076

  • One of my closest friends in HIV + and undetectable. Though I would not date him (he already has a boyfriend) he has become my closest friend and mentor in all matters sexual health related. I consider myself blessed to have him in my life.

    Status should not stand in the way of love, we are not our blood type, our skin color, or out HIV status, we are human. If I met a man who was positive that would not effect my decision to date him or not.

  • Yes I would because I’m positive I have seen so many men have sex unprotected these days…still doing poppers as if to say I’m not going to protect myself…Love is Love as long as two have safe love making I see nothing wrong…clean out your own closet of Dirt before u judge me…Most men do not protect themselves (just had to say that again)

  • I’ve never, and never will discriminate against anyone with HIV. They are human. They need love and everything else that we do. I actually make it a point to talk to guys that are poz. It takes a lot of courage to make such a disclosure of your status to others. I restrict myself no more and no less with a poz guy than I would to a neg guy. People are scared because of ignorance (the true meaning of the word).

  • I’m in a relationship of 7 years and both live with HIV.The is we both have the same support from FAMILY,FRIENDS,& DOCTORS as well too.The love between us helps each other and knowing each other status and important information fighting this fight will help us help each other to the very end of this fight!!!

  • i would never tell them i was POZ-if i was. its private and confidential. its just like your medical records-would you let everyone read them? no. you can fuck and suck without no exchange of semen. no need for condoms.

  • Hey y’all I just wanted to say is that its very hard to say the words “I’m HIV positive” but even if your rejected think of how strong you are and that you are doing the right thing to INFORM, INFORM, INFORM. I found out in June and in July I was put on meds and by October I was undetectable I find it truly hard to fine people to date. But I’m glad to see that there are some open minded guys out there who will still get with a poz guy. (pozguy1988)

  • I might already be dating the guy when he reveals his status. Surely it can be a blow, but I don’t see that as a deciding factor. “If I love this person, can I accept his status?” That’s a personal journey for every one of us. We can certainly take steps to protect ourselves, but only if we choose to be intimate. Love doesn’t always come in the form you expect, and if it’s something you can accept, then good for you. There are many who will NOT. And those types tend to blame the victim.

  • Dave,
    Yes I would date an HIV POZ person. I am POZ my self and am always upfront about it. I would prefer to date a POZ man for that reason. We both know what is acceptable and what is not. The thing that get’s to me is the fact that you see a lot of poz men here on ADAM4ADAM that are my age and a little younger , and they will NOT acknowledge your existance. Not sure if they do not want to have another POZ person in their lives, or they are looking for the young hot guys to tag. The ones in San Francisco seem to be the worst of the bunch. May be it’s sour grapes for me, but unless the young guys want to date an older man (sugar daddy syndrome) most will not. so the older guys will not take the steps to see what the older men are about. Let’s face it when we were in our teens and thirties we looked good. Then HIV crept in and took a lot of hot looking men and ravaged their bodies. I have lost a LOT of friends during the early part of the disease. And I could not think of letting another with this disease suffer alone.

  • A guy’s HIV status isn’t going to be any more of deal killer than any other superficial characteristic like whether he has a bubble butt, or a beard, or is older than me, or thinner, or heavier, or smoother, or hairier, etc. Let’s talk about finding out what kind of man he is, not just what we can see from across a bar or one thing he says about himself when we first talk to him. How about we learn to take time to get to know a guy before we decide if he’s relationship material or not based on one characteristic?

    As long as gay guys are willing to jump on a guy or toss him to the trash because of one characteristic, they’ll continue to complain how they just can’t seem to find a decent guy and hate being alone.

  • This is a great topic to educate close minded ppl.We need to discuss it more so ppl could learn more about it. Just because you have hiv it doesn’t make you dirty or anything of that nature. It’s just that you need to be safer and protect yourself and others from getting this infection. Been poz now for 12 years and are doing better than ever. So get tested and take your medication and you can live a long time .To be honest the medication does help and it keeps it under control. So if anyone is reading this profile don’t let it control you you have to control it. Wrap it up cause you never know who is poz. Thanks and hope all is well with everyone. BEST WISHES!

  • Everyone needs love so yeah I would

  • Interesting topic for sure. Dating someone that is positive would not be a problem with me. You should always treat each as if you are; enjoy each other safely. What I would also like to know about is why is it ok for a positive guy turn down a negative guy just because he’s negative but if you do turn down a positive guy, you’re insensitive?

  • Just read your article. I have been poz for 7 yrs now. Some of the post here, just want to say thank you. I live in a very uneducated part of the country. HIV is considered a bad thing. Even though the rates here are high. The lack of education is the problem. I’m on meds and perfectly healthy. But just wanted to say THANK YOU! For trying to spread the education and the knowledge.

  • I’ve been Poz 3 1/2 years, I just recently got out of a relationship on good terms because he had to relocate. He was negative and the first negative guy I’ve even tried to get to know since I’ve known my status.
    Since then I’ve tried to just get to know a few guys who aren’t poz and when I let them know my status. A couple have been cool others are grossed out by it. I had one guy even tell me thank you for saving him from making the biggest mistake of his life.
    I do think I would take another chance at a poz/neg relationship if I met a guy that’s ok with it, and not just saying he is, or saying he’s ok with but doesn’t want to reveal to me he’s poz.
    Their has been a number of times a guy has told me he isn’t over the years and then I see him at the clinic getting labs or meds.
    I wish more guys were more open, honest, educated, and accepting of H.I.V….

  • Never. I am HIV- and I refuse to take the risk that dating an HIV+ man entails.

    One might say that having protected sex with an HIV+ man who takes his medication is safe, which is probably true. However, I know that after some time seeing someone, I’m not always going to have _protected_ sex with him; either mistakes, breakages, etc. will happen, or, we’ll decide that we trust each-other enough to have sex without condoms. I know that with an HIV+ man, that will never happen – the risk of infection will always be there.

    It’s a terrible situation in which HIV+ men find themselves, but it’s not one that I care to take part in.

  • Whenever I see the word “pig” in a profile, it’s usually followed by the word “poz.” What is the relationship between those two words?

    To me piggy means dirty. Can you see now why many HIV negative guys refer to themselves as clean?

    Undetectable doesn’t mean it’s not there. Without the proper equipment, radiation is undetectable. That doesn’t mean it’s safe.

  • I was in a relationship with a POS partner for 9 years and I was negative. He was on meds and was undetectable. I was very sensitive to his feelings and wanted him to know that I didn’t think him any different or “dirty” than anyone else. We had a very active sex life and it was unprotected. I feel that one should of course take reasonable precautions but I would be damned if I was going to live in a bottle because of the HIV virus. I got tested 2 times a year at his insistence.
    Anyways long story short after we broke up I was diagnosed HIV positive 13 months after we broke up. I know now first hand how a POS person is treated and it hurts. You were right alot has to do with the knowledge a person has on the subject. Most of their knowledge is based on heard it through the grape line information alot of it just wrong. There is information out there and I find that it is written in a “Oh my gosh don’t get it and fear it” perspective. Yes even from Public Health handouts. Very little is said about being POS is not like leprosy except from the pamphlet they give you with a positive diagnosis that now says it is not the end of the world. Sure you are inconvenienced alot living with the virus with taking meds, doctors appointments, lab tests, and so on but life goes on. I have been POS now 3-1/2 years and pleased to say I watch my health but not a fanatic about it either. My t cells are in the upper 700′s and I am undetectable every test with-out a glitch.
    Sadly I find that a gay POS person is prejudiced more by other gays than straights. Something is bad wrong with that picture.

  • No problem as long as I know the guy well enough first and trust him, I don’t mean a week later either. I recently have begun (non-exclusively) dating a friend who is HIV+ and who I’ve known for a little over a year first.

    There are a lot of HIV+ guys out there who aren’t the perfect angels that articles like this might lead us to believe they all are and it’s those guys who are also scaring a lot of people away from anyone who is HIV+.

    There have been many cases where HIV+ guys will remove the condom just before they enter the guy they are topping, when he’s not looking and when they are done they pretend to just be removing the condom and throw it away.

    Also; many HIV+ guys tend to assume that their HIV+ status has to be to reason someone turns them down for a date when it’s often nothing more than the guy they are after just isn’t into them. I know a lot of guys who date HIV+ guys and who have been accused by someone HIV+ guys they’ve turned down as being a hater of HIV+ guys.

    It’s not just a 1980′s mentality about HIV.

  • The medical treatment of HIV/AIDS is light years ahead of where it was in the ’80s, when it first entered my vocabulary. Unfortunately, treatment by many in our community of people who are HIV+ has not changed that much at all.

    I know I’m in the minority. A neg guy who has no problem dating and having sex with a known poz guy. AFTER a long conversation, and maybe several conversations, about what is and isn’t safe.

    Also, if we’re thinking long term, a thorough discussion of what both of us are doing to stay healthy and alive are in order. I would not get involved with someone who takes a lot of risks sexually, or who has a defeatist attitude about doing everything humanly possible to stay healthy. This applies to everyone–not just poz guys.

    The article touched upon the issue of “undetectable” viral loads and how “safe” that is. And to the author’s credit, he mentioned the caveats. Well, true to the extent that low viral loads drastically reduce the LIKELIHOOD of passing on the virus. But we’re just not there yet to proclaim it’s foolproof.

    I feel many guys–poz and neg–hear this news but block out the caveats. They then go onto bareback. Well why not, they reason, it’s “almost” as good as using a condom to get topped by a poz guy who is undetectable! Wrong!

    How do you know he’s “undetectable.”? People lie about that just like they lie about being poz sometimes.

    Or maybe he was truly almost undetectable three months ago when he had his last bloodwork done, but what about now? Myriad reasons why things could have changed in the past three months, including the possibility his devil-may-care attitude exposed him to a SECOND strain of HIV. That complicates matters immensely.

    While the news is great that poz guys taking great meds who followup regularly to keep themselves healthy are less likely to pass the virus, it’s not a license to pretend it’s 1978 again. If 96% of the neg guys in that study stayed neg, then it follows 4% converted by having (we assume) unsafe sex with poz guys.

    Best advice is the same as always. Assume everyone else is poz and behave accordingly. To that I might add, assume everyone else’s viral load is detectable to some degree. Within that framework, sex, dating, and LTRs with other guys regardless of their HIV status can be a beautiful thing.

  • I’m poz but I refrain from sexual interactions with guys because I am scared to tell them. So life is pretty lonely, relative to dating, but it beats having everyone know something so personal about me. I am undetectable, very healthy, professional and could bring something to the table, but I just don’t want to deal with rejection.

  • I dated a poz guy (1989) when I was negative and through no fault of his, I became poz. He has since passed on and I have been poz for 23 years. I have found that HIV negative guys will date a poz guy but will not have a random sex hook-up with someone who identifies themself as being poz. That is my experience with guys from A4A over the past couple of years!! Guys write one thing but when actually faced with it, react totally different.

  • I would absolutely date a poz man no fear here. Theres more to life than unprotected sex!!!

  • Dave.. I have given you some hard times over the years of you posting articles and I know you have not published most of my comments – but I feel this is truly one of the best blog post ever.
    I refuse to even talk to anyone online who have the words CLEAN in their profile and if they ask me that questions, I click off – I don’t block people. With all the prejudice that gay people have we have so much stigma towards HIV+ people and its so sad. How different is being HIV than having cancer? Not much and we need to love and appreciate everyone. Its the same prejudice we have towards Drag Queen – we need to respect them – THEY stood up for us at Stone Wall and The Romans Bath in Toronto.
    So guys, lets be respectful and tolerant and instead of bringing others done, ask yourself – what have I done to make this world a better place today!

  • No I would not…… As I fight so hard to stay negative This is crazy for me to say this my preference To have sex or date a Poz guy. As this their pref to date me do to my color …….. I will treated with a triple threat. Black,gay. Poz. No thanks Again I love being gay. But this is just a pref I Ithank god for me being safe and using condoms since the age of 15. And now I’m 47. So No no no no

  • To start the story off this is 2005 and I just got my first job after finishing college. I moved by one of my friends, which did I know would change my life forever. Living in this 30,000 person city in Kentucky for around 3 years my friend “Cory” moved to Key West for the year. I think about 6 months later he moved back home, and I was lucky to have him back. Besides him I met a guy name Stan which became my first boyfriend lasting 5 years and later bestfriend. Cory was always a sick boy have lymphoma when he was 18 for starters. Once in remission for that he seemed to be having lung problems and such. I finally moved back to Cincinnati for my MBA. Within a month of moving back Cory had to be sent to Cincy because of mrsa. I still remember walking in the hospital room with pf changs for his mom and mango ice t. He looked the worst ive ever seen and he looked at me and said he was gonna die there. That day i found out he was hiv+ and was really ignorant about the disease. We had sex once since he was back from florida luckily a condom was worn, probably the one of 3 times we ever wore one. So I did get tested and was negative and remember thinking I would never date a pos guy. I think two years went by and eventually a lung issue finally got the best of Cory. THat day changed how i viewed life, and shall i mention i have been a funeral director and embalmer in all of this so death was not anything new to me. Shortly after i met a guy and found out he was pos. We dated for a few month before moving on and the next guy ended up pos as well. So eventually I moved to Denver and after dating 2 pos guys I wanted to be able to do things sexually I havent done in along time. Guys lie first of all and not all will even tell others they are pos. I could say i sampled my denver men and only one admited he was pos and we always used protection. By now i was in the hiv vaccine study and the government shut it down, but we still had to be seen. It was july and happened to be pride weekend and i was busy at work and didnt answer a call. I was checking my email and the nurse i see for the study sent a message saying dude i need you to come back for lab work again. I think my heart missed a beat… . I knew right then. The parade went right by my house on colfax but i didnt even get a glimpse of the fags besides walking my dog that weekend. The next friday im pulling in the hospital for my bloodwork and i will never forget the song on the radio it was usher or ludicris or someone but it said , go ahead go to time square take a picture of me with a kodak, turn my life from negative to positive…. tonight im in love with you tonight , you mean everything tonight for all i know i might now be here tomorrow lets do this tonight, or something close. I can honestly say i dont think there is another song out there saying neg to pos. I still hate that fucking song today. I have accepted being pos and they got me in a new study. I went undectable in 2 weeks. My viral load was about 5280 when they found out, which is not that bad compared to some that were in the millions there first count. So i guess i should mention that i never dated and got to do the sexual things i missed when dating neg guys. And thinking dating only pos guys would be so easy now is false. Guys are assholes and denver guys are unique too. No one dates here its all about fucking. Three years and not a single date. I think the three years before moving here i maybe was single for three weeks. Also when telling guys i was pos i was amazed on how many would say, in the heat of the moment, you dont need a condom im pos too. I know of atleast 4 guys that straight up lied to my face when I asked them their status. Other guys told me if someone doesnt ask their status its their own fault. I used to think people would just tell you before doing the deed, but now I realize that there are liars, cheater, and men fall into every category other than lesbian and childbearing. So i guess what im trying to say in all of this is i dont know where i got it from and one cant dwell on it or it will make them go crazy. What i do know is when i dated pos guys i was more safe then i ever was and i do know i sure did not get it from one of those guys. It is the liars or one of the guys that dont get tested regularly, i assume is how i got it. It does suck having to tell someone , but once you do the weight is removed and you feel so good for being honest. I still have not the courage to put pos as my status but one step at a time. Its better than putting neg as so many do i guess. A nurse asked me how old i was in the study one day a few weeks ago, bd was saturday, i was 34 then and her response was youll see a cure by the time your 50 i promise… I always said i wouldnt live past 40 but i do think they are close and all around it. I believe hiv and cancer are gonna be stopped by similar medicine. people that hate the disease and thinks god gave it to fags for a reason will need the same drug to save their bible thumping ass. RIP Cory, I still think about everyday and have the only picture of you you i have in my hallway. Your mom and sis are still in so much pain losing you, but i hope one day this is all for some great reason, reunion, or solution…

  • + HERE FOUND OUT ON 09-22-11 AND ALOT OF YOU DO MAKE TONS OF SENSE AND HEY DAVE I’VE HAD SOME NEGITIVE COMMENTS BEFORE BEING BLOCKED SO ALTHOUGH IR IS QUITE DIFFICULT FOR ME I CONTINUE LIVING MY LIFE CAUSE STILL BEING HOPEFUL I BELIEVE IN FINDING MY ONE TRUE ‘MR RIGHT’ SOME DAY :)

  • Hey Dave

    Thank you for this post because I have asked myself this question a number of times. I have talked to some really great guys on A4A who are positive and are very comfortable with themselves. Some guys have educated me about being “undetectable” which was something I have never heard of before (and personally I should have done more research myself). Then I found out I was positive two months ago. The guy I slept with did not disclose that information to me and I DID asked him about his status. Although I should have been more careful, it is in the past and I have to live with being positive. Now I have not been in a relationship and I feel that with my new positive status it will be impossible to find a boyfriend. Reading the comments give me some hope that I will find someone who will love me for me

    P.S Dylan is right!! We should talk about this a lot more. As gay men we all need to been informed about HIV. Keep up with the great blog topics!!!

  • Yeah I would and Yes I have. He didn’t tell me but I knew. He was always extra careful. Wouldn’t say date, but hooked up for 2 years

  • NO! NO! NO!
    I would never date a dude who is hiv positive. Someone has to be insane to take such a risk.

  • No. Anyone who is HIV Poz in this day and age is either irresponsible, immature, illiterate, or a sociopath. I dare you to find me someone who has sero-converted in the last 15-20 yrs who does not meet any of those definitions.

  • It’s so sad that people nowadays still are ignorant about HIV… I have been Poz for 13 yrs… I am undetectable now , was in a 5 yr relationship with a Neg partner and he is still negative. Getting back to the topic. I have been honest about my status and every single time the guy will reject me or stop talkin ie ignore me. It’s so funny that some poz people get rejected on a daily basis for being honest about their status…. Yet the same guy will have sex with people who are dishonest about their status. Please get educated about HIV& STDs. And next time a guy is honest to you about their status, be kind and understanding. You never know, you may be passing up a good thing… Karma, what goes around comes around. You may be on this side of the tracks next time.

  • Dave,

    Thanks for asking this question. I met a guy two years ago in a random hook up and we liked each other, and dated twice around new years.

    We had bareback sex twice I was the top and he the positive bottom. He did not tell me that he was positive. Then on the 2nd date, he was topping me and he stopped and stated, “you are going to hate me. I have to leave.” Me being quite naive, was dumbfounded and didn’t know what happened. So he said what is the worse thing that you could hear from me? i said that he was hiv positive, but I asked you and you said you were negative. no he said , you never asked me about status. Why did i think he was negative? he listed hsi status in his profile as a hiv negative.
    he asked me to think about it, and then see if i wanted to see him again. i was so scared and didn’t decide to date him exactly and then he cut me off. He feared rejection so much, he couldn’t handle the drama that I was in over deciding to date or not.

    This past month we did it again. A few dates. and he rejected me again. i still like him, yet can’t be with him bec. he is so hurt but past rejections.

    I dont know about others but I would date a guy that is hiv poz if i am attracted to him and i feel like i belong with him. This rarely happens to me ergardless of health or hiv status. I d love to be in love again. May someday , it will be with a hiv poz man. I will be happy. I am also on PrEP; bec. i want to live with out fear.

    Thanks,

    Brother Andy andc11

  • The answer to the question is “NO”. Put simply, even if the percentage is much lower to contract HIV there is still that chance. Why would I want to date someone who is HIV + and put myself in a situation to possibly become infectedas well? It’s not about HIV+ men being good or bad. I also wouldn’t date guys with Hepatitis, Herpes, Gonorrhea or Anal Warts either. I rarely hook up, and it’s by choice for this very reason. Gay men tend to not know their status or they lie about it. Put simply, I can’t trust Gay men. What I find more alarming is Gay men giving themselves free license to be even more promiscuous because the meds are doing a “good job”. Here’s a novel idea, how about gay men spending less time trying to find ways to hook up and more ways of changing the stereotypes, stigma and perceptions others have of our community.

  • BTW…… Regarding the post made by OJ..
    Never say never… You may have already, maybe more times than u have fingers… You just never knew your were.. Ignorance is blizz….

  • I have not knowingly dated a poz guy, but would if I found the right person for me. I see everyone as pos, regardless of what he says, there are those who are poz and then those who’s; not but use that to end a new relationship after the fact. I am negative, and single and lonely, so it doesn’t matter it your pos (Scared to Tell), there’s many single people whom are educated on HIV and not afraid to love you. At my age (50) I am not looking for random sex hook-up either, I am looking for love and it doesn’t matter whether your poz of not. I also have friends who are dating Neg guy and seem to have a wonderful loving relationship. Looking for death do us part!!! I am a RN, I know people don’t have to be sick to die.
    I would be so lucky to find someone to love for the rest of our life together no matter how long that maybe. Un-educated people, shallow, uniform, and simply scared people are afraid of the unknown. Not living in your truth is no reason for being lonely and everyone deals with rejection. There are millions of poz people in the United States many whom don’t know and don’t want to know, so most of us have unknowing already have sex with someone who’s poz and lied about it.

  • Yes, I would date a positive guy. If the guy is honest and open about his status then who am I to hold that against him? People need to get educated about it before saying they would never date a positive guy.

  • I would date a man who is positive…..and with some folks keeping their status a secret…My question to you is how do you know you haven’t!…..just sayin! Love is some good shit….and when its real….you do what is needed to support your parter and just fucking be there!

  • I’m only 22 and I live HIV +. I got tested at age 20 and went through the “my life is over stage”. I had a man be with me through the entire procedure…who is now my proud partner. Through the two years together he remains negative and im undetectable. Others who know don’t have a problem with it so I guess I dont have too much problem now with finding casual play sometimes.

  • As a guy who has been living with the disease for alittle over 11 yrs now. I have found it very challenging to date. When I have met guys and they were ok with my status I felt it was to good to be true and emotionally shutting down. Yes I want to find the one whether poz or neg but I feel the emotional damage is done. This article and comments give me hope that one day my feelings will change and I fi d the ONE. To all the guys out there who choose to keep there status to themselves it only makes it harder on you in the end . I am speaking from experience. When I decided to tell them right from the start I saved myself a lot of pain and heartache. Ya the rejection hurts but it’s there choice. Also one thing I seen that hasn’t been mentioned is Bug Chasers and that whole scene I am angered that there are people who want to intentionally be infected because its like a FAD I think that kind of activity only reinforces the stigma

  • I most definitely would date someone who is poz. My belief is that if I love the person, then I will accept everything about them, both good and bad. I am HIV Negative, but I have other health ailments, and I would hope that whoever I decided to date could deal with that. It might not be HIV/Aids, but it is still a serious ailment none the less. I know that people tell me that I say that now, but if I was in the situation, I would change my mind, but that won’t happen because I would know right off what I was getting into. I would hate the disease, but love the person!

  • Yup, no problem with it.

  • I could not date hiv+ men.

    I have educated myself time and time again because I am so scared to death of contracting hiv. I live in a top 5 city for hiv.

    I couldn’t let myself go to bed with someone who admits they have hiv. That small risk is a risk I am not willing to take. I ALWAYS use condoms. Never have barebacked. I know there is a risk with every sexual partner, but if I know of a higher risk factor I will certainly avoid it.

    Condoms break. Often. Enough said.

    I have hiv+ friends, but can’t date or sleep with them

  • I’m a 24 year old HIV negative single guy living in Texas and my ex that I previously dated was HIV negative in the beginning of our relationship then half way through he found out he had contracted HIV through another individual he was having sex with behind my back. It took him a few weeks to man up and tell me and I was really upset with him him but we always used protection since day one so I knew I was in the clear but I still went and got tested for peace of mind. I was hurt and upset but more then that I was scared for him he isn’t to close to his family and I did not feel right just abandoning him with no support system to help him get through this. Even though he cheated I still could not be cold hearted enough to walk out on him to be honest he is the first guy I had ever fallen in love with and I think that’s what kept me by his side. It was really hard for both of us the first 3 months of him trying to let it sink in that he was now HIV positive, it was a crazy emotional roller coaster but once he got on his medication and tested undetectable I knew he was going to be ok. To be honest I never thought I would date someone HIV positive I never had an open mind to want to but when your in love you look past thing like that and you follow your heart. Needless to say we are no longer talking our relationship went down hill and it was due to him not seeing what an amazing guy he had in front of him but that’s part of life you make mistakes and learn from them …..hopefully.

  • This blog is the total opposite of the a4a app. Most here say they would date a poz guy, but on a4a Poz guys are treated like lepers. Why take a chance when it’s so easy to simply move on to the next headless torso in the list? The hatred and ignorance within our own community is disgusting.

  • I do not advertise my HIV status because I am not going to have sex with most people who are interested in me. I need to meet someone and see if we click and go from there. I assume safe sex first but prior to sex I talk about status. HIV status tells you little about a person. I have met one guy on A4A who posted neg but was poz, this kind of creeped me out. Time to get over this issue, and the best men I have dated happened to be poz.

  • I would date an HIV positive guy. Just because someone has HIV doesn’t mean they do not deserve a loving boyfriend. I would of course require protection to be used as I always do. I refuse to allow anyone to top me without a condom on. Even though there is medicine out there these days to make it undetectable, the fact remains that HIV can still be spread.

  • When I was younger and uneducated about HIV I wouldn’t go near the person since I’ve learned alot bout it and since the guy I’m in love with has it I would date a guy HIV+

  • I’m negative and was in a 5 year relationship with someone who was poz. He was a recovering alcoholic and a good person, but had addiction issues that transcended alcohol to include sex. My impression is that most people who are poz tend to be highly promiscuous or simply prefer to have bb sex and other unsafe sexual practices. My experience with my ex partner taught me that it is not that easy to contract hiv. We practiced safe sex (I’m a bottom and we always used a condom)but of course we had moments where he came in my mouth especially early on in the relationship. I always felt fearful afterward and got tested regularly. Eventually I got to the point where we didn’t take any unneeded risks. But what this taught me is that you can’t contract it that easily, not from kissing, or even having semen in your mouth (especially if they have low viral load). You have to really be out there practicing unsafe sex to contract it. Unless of course, you are lied to, or cheated on…

  • @Scott..you do know that pre-cum also contains the HIV antibodies don’t you? You can infect someone with your pre-cum and in the United States if you have sex with someone and you know that you do have HIV and purposefully have unprotected sex with someone and infect that person, you can be prosecuted. Your kind of thinking is what spreads HIV.

  • Positive or negative is not an issue but telling your partner about your status is more important. In a relationship honesty and respect are the keys to maintain it. No one wants to be deceived. Sadly, not every guy can be brave to tell his partner the truth with the excuse that if he spoke out his parter would leave him.

  • I look at it this way. You should not be just hooking up and having sex with out getting to know some one as friends first any way. After you learn each other then if you feel like you mesh then you should let your heart tell you where to go with it.

  • Wow. Some interesting replies.

    Overall, since I live in a relatively metropolitan area (in California at that) I feel that a lot of guys that I interact with are at least somewhat educated when it comes to HIV and related topics or issues.

    Still, the large majority of guys seem to be overall uneducated at least to some extent or another. Some have no idea what undetectable means, or what medication does to help control HIV infection.

    I do feel that there is a trend, a current that runs through every app I use or venue that I frequent. That is, as others have mentioned and as also mentioned in the article itself, a lot of HIV negative individuals choose to simply not interact with positive guys.

    I’m sure there are a number of reasons for this, many of them self explanatary so I won’t bring them up. Regardless, nearly all of these “reasonings” are based on misinformation, ignorance and years of anti HIV propaganda.

    I believe that the effort to educate people about the *existence* of HIV (make sure to get tested! you never know who can have AIDS! health scare on the news! MORE AT ELEVEN!) has done more harm than good in many ways.

    Regardless, there is an awful lot of stigma within the so called gay community when it comes to guys that are positive or serodiscordant (aka “magnetic”, one + and one – partner) relationships in general.

    It hurts me to see a lot of good guys out there, who for many of them it was not something that they knowingly or willingly contracted (how could they know?!) and they have to deal with other people’s ignorance and hatred on top of everything else.

    Negative guys out there (I’m negative myself but my boyfriend is positive) you should really reconsider your outlook on things if you are one of the ones described above.

    For your sake, become educated. Don’t rely on friends and the news and things like this for your information. Do some independent research. It isn’t hard. Wikipedia exists. It’s the future guys, right now. I think we should all start acting like it.

  • I used to be a power bottom back in the day and am still neg.
    I’m not into condoms, as a bottom. My long term relationship, over
    10 years is with a man who was poz before we met. Undetectable
    count. While we still had sex we were bare ( I topped but swallowed)
    Due to his health (stroke not AIDS) we no longer play, but I’m still neg
    To this day!
    We are going to be together for a long time!

  • Post scriptum: I still suck/fuck guys when I get the chance!
    I bottom on a rare occasion. Still neg.
    never hold status against a guy you like, just be careful

  • yes I would date a guy with hiv

  • Thanks for posting this. I am hiv+ and have been for about three yrs now. Unlike some I wasn’t given a choice. But to answer the question. Yes I would. I have been dating a man now for about two yrs and he is also + but before I could tell him I told me. And I must say he is a great man. Love is love and if I was – I still would date someone that is + because most are the best people to love and take care of each other.

  • yes I would, this is my second relationship with a positive + guy. My first relationship was about a year into it, he was diagnosed +. At the time he said it was from 5 years ago & the doctor said it was possible. We were together 16 years, still love him but not in love with him. It ended when he turned physically violent on me. My second relationship looks like I’m headed down the same road as far as him being +, from way before we met. As dated, things were great then after we got this house, things changed really quickly. Hes an alcoholic that lives a second life, one of lies & deciete. Hes gone as far as looking up my ex on here, as I found out the guy I’m with now had 3 profiles on here, manhunt & grinder. I’m not allowd to meet the guys that come here & pick him up & get drunk together because I’m outa town visiting my kids. His second life has drawn me away, thats why I posted ‘open’ relationship on facebook. When I love someone ,its forever but we all have faults. I cheated on my ex 13 years after we were together, after finding out about his hidden past. Don’t know where I’m going now, very unhappy, but as far as your orginial question, yes, I’d date a + man, I look through the eyes & see the heart.

  • This conversation is amazing…. one of the first th at actually makes one think.. whether you are poz or not.. the myths are great.. I cant count the number of men that I have told thst exact same thing word for almost word…its nice to see it in print.. I was told that by my dr years ago.as I have an allrgy to latex…I was realky worried about transmitting. … he reassured ke and msde me feel better about myselfband my sexualiity… so i also want to thank you for giving the “myths” some daylight.. it wont change all haters opinions but if it changes jusy one persons opinion its wotth it……. happy holidays

  • No, I could’nt do it. God bless all those that have the courage to do so.

  • I’m poz and find it very hard to find someone willing to be with me. I acquired hiv back in ’06, found out in Feb. of ’07. Only a few of my friends know because even one of my closest friends commented one day about a young man I was admiring, saying to me ” don’t even bother, he’s hiv and will be dead in 2 years”. I’v even tried finding other poz guys and I’m sure it’s my age and truth being, I’m not the handsomest guy around. I wish the best to those other poz guys and thanks for opening this blog and maybe opening some eyes.

  • Hell no! Everything would have to be planned for sex to be safe. No spur of the moment sex!

    Also, if you are not safe with a poz guy and you break up in time, you may have the gift for life! Who wants that?

  • Dave,

    I (negative) have recently started dating someone that is positive. It has only been a little over two months since we have been dating and it is going great. I agree with you about “knowledge” on HIV. From the stories my partner has told me about how people “ran away” once they learned that he is HIV positive (before getting sexual), I all I could do was shake my head in discuss, hold him, give him a kiss and reassure him that I am not those people and I am NOT running away because of his status.

    So YES I would date someone that is HIV positive. Because it is not the disease that attracts me to person. It is their physical appearance that gets my attention and their personality that keeps me coming back.

    Tyson

  • I don’t have a problem dating poz/negative guys.

    The worse are negative guys who come up to me, want me to “juice” them with the HIV virus.

    Really?!

  • yes I would and make love with a poz man. my lover is and just about all of the guys I have dated and had sex with have been poz.

  • Years ago I did date an HIV poz man for a brief period… that was before the meds so I was extremely scared during this period. Today I would date one in a heartbeat. My dr. told me, as I have read here, that a man that is non detectable is much safer to have sex with than someone who just says they are neg (usually they are lying or they don’t even know or it’s been years since they have been tested and have had numerous unsafe experiences) as an older gay male who has been single for 5 years and lived in a couple of major cities and just recently moved back to my hometown, I have reconnected with a guy I had a crush on many years ago (come to find out the feeling has has been mutual).. he moved back here a year ago and both been single for over 5 years… we talked on the phone for 2 hours last night and I feel like there was something he wanted to tell me but over the phone wasn’t the right time, we have a date tonight.. my FIRST real date since my breakup almost 5 years ago… if he tells me he is hiv poz and non-detectable it will make me actually more comfortable dating him and having sex with him and respect him more. Back in the day being hiv poz was a stigma, a death sentence, but I have so many non detectable friends these days that look great and lead great lives.. i think being poz makes you have a better outlook on life and to take better self of your mind and body. So to answer the question, YES i would date an hiv poz non-detectable man as long as he took care of himself, took his meds as prescribed and saw his dr. on a regular basis.

  • Scared to Tell.. you need to man up and face what comes your way.. you are missing out on so much by keeping this secret… you will be surprised how many people will embrace you and how enriched our life will be and how much happier you would be.

  • Scared to tell – I could have wrote your post three years ago when I found out I was HIV poz. The stress of dealing with this disease alone was unbearable. The stress of living alone and isolating myself was even more frustrating. Trust me when I tell you, they will not storm the castle wall with pitchforks and torches to kill the monster. When I took this head on, I found out a bunch of things about myself I didn’t know. I also found a bunch of ppl just like me going through what I was going through or had long been through this. Scared to tell, you are not alone. There is so much out there for guys like us. Just look at the amount of ppl that responded to this blog. It just a short time. You’ll find the right guy, but you won’t if you don’t look. If it were not for me being poz I would not have the amount of quality friends or the incredible BF I have have in my life. Of course if the magic pill showed up at the drug store, I’d be in line to buy them but I’d never turn back down the road being HIV POZ has lead me down. I’m a much better person now then before I was poz. I learned a lot about life. My boyfriend says I’m the most Positive poz guy he knows (side note…Santa may have one of those shinny things I see on some guys fingers for me this year!)

    Have a great holiday and good health in the new year!

  • I’ve only dated one guy that was positive. It wasn’t serious and we didn’t date for very long, but his status wasn’t the reason why. He was very nervous about telling me about his status, but it wasn’t an issue for me. He seemed surprised that I had no issue it. At the time I had also been dating someone for about three months, but it wasn’t serious and this guy knew that. I was just dating and keeping options open. I ultimately decided on the other guy and were were together for four years. Sadly, about a year after I had dated the guy who was positive I heard a rumor that I stopped seeing him because he was positive, which wasn’t the case. In fact, he and I never have sex; I never even saw him naked. The closest we came was making out in our underwear and having a couple of sleepovers. Not that I wouldn’t have had sex with him, but we were taking it slow and I was sleeping with someone else. I never confronted him about the rumor, but it was very disappointing to hear, especially because I’m sure he knows that isn’t true. I personally don’t feel that someone’s HIV status would determine whether or not I would date them.

  • I would choose NOT to because in my personal experience they have been the most dishonest people I’ve met. The excuse nowadays for not disclosing their HIV status is the fact that lots of HIV+ guys think that because they’re “undetectable” they’re healthy and it’s ok. Another reason I’ve personally come across with is what someone said in a previous response that most HIV+ Guys get rejected and the easiest way to get laid is to hide that fact. 4 guys I’ve dated in the past turned out to be HIV+ And I didn’t know about it until I saw some red flags that got me thinking and I started questioning. Why would a neg guy fuck BB without a condom? Why would someone like to get bred without asking if I myself was neg or pos? Long story short they had to come clean and just got me disappointed. Assume everyone is pos cause many many and I emphasize on many, won’t disclose their status. Again, this has been my own personal experiences with pos guys. I’m sure not everyone is like that, but thus far those are the ones I’ve come across with.

  • Hey thanks so much Dave for posting this this is a very important topic for us HIV positive guys… I’ve been positive know for almost 10 years since 2004 my boyfriend of 7 years gave it to me and I didn’t know he had it but the whole experience has made me a stronger person… Everytime I get close to a guy and then tell him my status he rejects me almost always it’s just the lack of not knowing much about it and having a fear about it but I think guys should get educated and give us a chance we need love to to all the HIV positive guys out there be strong have faith there is somebody out there just for us chris from Alabama.

  • Thanks guys for all the amazing comments! It’s very appreciated. i’ll leave the post for one more day just to make sure more people read it, I hope you don’t mind!
    Dave

  • I myself have been diagnosed as of June ’12. I regrettably admit that I don’t think I would have dated someone who was HIV+ at the time that was was negative simply because of the same reason as most. Ignorance. I was very uneducated about this topic until it happened to me. I took this is stride and saw the silver lining and have been raising awareness in my community. Thank you for posting this blog. You hit the nail on the head.
    -Topher.

  • As an Out Positive Gay man, The topic is interesting and the comments enlightening.

    I would be interested to see the question reversed,”Would you, as an HIV+ man date a man who was negative?”

    The reason I pose this is because there are a whole different set of ethical, moral, and spiritual considerations that Out Positive men have to ponder when they meet a man who is negative. Some of us prefer to only date or have sexual contact with other Positive men. Thank you for the opportunity to respond.

  • Educate yourselves gents, this isn’t 1982 and Reagan isn’t the President. On Prep, living my life …one load at a time and finally feeling utter pleasure having put gilt up on the shelf. Mind you, I’m not saying said behavior is conducive towards welcoming “dating”, or the implications as such. Pertaining to the question at hand… absolutely, I would date an hiv + guy. Furthermore, given medicine and the revolution that is nano technology and it’s implications, would happily get bred by him every night having 99% confidence of maintaining my neg. status. Yup, 99%… hypothesized, published, and replicated.

  • This is a great question but, nevertheless, a complex one worth examining. First, I would say everyone (including those who are HIV+) deserves to be able to date & be in a loving relationship, whatever that means to those involved. Born & raised in NYC, I remember the fear of death that emanated from the HIV/AIDS crisis in the early 80′s. My fear evolved from believing that just being gay I would die of AIDS (early teen) to then believing that having sex meant having safe sex & having safe sex meant always using a condom or risk death. Especially after losing my older brother to the epidemic back in 1987, I accepted that practice & believed it didn’t matter who I would be with as long as I wore a condom. In my early 20′s, I was so open-minded about dating an HIV+ guy. At that time, in the early 90′s, it just seemed likely that would be the case. Over the years, I was so paranoid of being so careful of how I had sex that I was surprised I enjoyed sex at all. I guess what made it easier & safer for me (at least I thought at the time) since I also pursued monogamous relationships, believing there would be less risk of catching anything. In my relationships, I took risks & had unprotected sex with my partners in my monogamous relationships thinking that if we’re both negative than I had nothing to worry, even when I wasn’t always sure they could remain negative. After all, I believed & practiced monogamy. That didn’t mean they did. Now that I am 43, personally finding it difficult to find a relationship of any kind for whatever reason, I’ve pursued with a fervor NSA hook-ups & encounters (which I’m much more open-minded about at my current age than I was in my 20′s LOL). What I became close-minded about is hooking up with any POZ guys because I enjoy having unprotected sex with negative guys (provided they show proof for the most part). I’m not proud of that because I don’t enjoy the feeling of discriminating against any group let alone a vital part of our gay population. I find that having safe sex just isn’t enough. Maybe as I get older, I feel like I want to experience more & by more I mean more without a condom in my way. I know that sounds crazy especially since that is such a stark contrast to my early years coming out when I believed I would always have safe sex. I’m glad you asked the question because I know that a bigger & broader discussion of this topic is needed. What I truly believe in my heart that although I prefer sex with negative men, when I fall in love with the right & compatible man, it won’t matter whether he is POZ or not!

  • “”"-HIV positive guys are uneducated slutty whores”"”"

    An interesting point that I think can warrant a whole post. Why is it exactly that being “slutty” is a bad thing, and why is it that HIV is the just desserts for the slut.

    What of people who are “sluts” and never once contract HIV? I personally know HIV neg guys who have had more sexual partners than myself (I’m a positive “slut” by definition) but who will not carry that implied stigma just because they don’t have HIV (and isn’t there a privileged small percentage of the population that is technically immune? It’s a free ride for them.

    This actually makes it easier to categorize and make a hierarchy based on what kind of HIV+ person you are:

    Was your mother HIV positive and passed it on to you? POOR BABY!

    Bad blood transfusion? INNOCENT SOUL

    Boyfriend cheated on you? GOSH I’M REALLY SORRY!

    “Slut” who only liked it bareback? …WELL….

    To do away with these attitudes, it is enough to just understand HIV as a virus. Not as Karma, not as justice, not as God’s will. A virus, DNA and a layer of fat, that has no idea, no brain, no moral agenda. So why are we speaking on its behalf?

    It wasn’t long ago that cancer was thought to be a deserved disease for people who suffered it. We are more educated on the matter now and know it just to be a disease that happens. If we get over puritanical ideas of sex as guilty pleasure, as opposed to just pleasure, and with a little bit of education (okay, a lot of education) we might not have to have these ridiculous soul-bearing moments of disclosure.

    Thanks for the post Dave

  • Thanks so much for posting this. I agree with a lot of these statements/testemonials that the 80′s mentality is horrible and should have been eradicated. However we can’t play god and make everyone play nice/smart. I am HIV negative. I had a breakdown in 2011, resulting from becoming positive. Not for HIV, but for Hep-C. I contracted from an unsafe accupuncturist. I remember your earlier blog about Hep-C, and I can say the cure exists and I’m proof! I am very glad that this happened to me, because I took the time to really listen and do research on Both. Its funny how Hep-C and HIV get such a bad social rep, especially when those who are educated take many precautions. I’ve always felt that I was open to a lot, but this truly opened my eyes and made me appreciate education. I have many friends who are professionals, who are conquering HIV. I’ve even found a soulmate who is HIV+(i’m not with him now, but we are very close).
    My fiance is neg, but I still have safer sex. Masturbation is awesome. Lol!

    Got a little off topic!

    If I were still in the dating area, I surely would because there is nothing wrong with finding great friendship and love. You guys are awesome, I appreciate all of you, and I wish you all happy holidays!

  • NO I WOULD NOT! In my experience, I’ve found that all HIV positive men have a mentality that is super defensive and cold.

  • as someone that’s been POZ for over 30yrs.. I’m glad to see that I still may have a chance at love

  • Interesting question and fabulous posts.

    I am more concerned about those who say they would only because it is the proper thing to say. They don’t really mean it. They say it to feel good about themselves today, then tomorrow when the dude says he is poz, they reject him.

    Being poz or my entire adult life (I am 46 now), I can say it has been hard. More people have been ok with my being poz, yet I am still single.

    To this I ask, are folk really willing to date someone who is poz, or are they REALLY willing to fuck/get fucked by someone who is poz? Let us all call a spade a spade.

    I live in Philly and all I see in the profiles here are DDF UB2 or something similar. Sometimes from the same folk who later tell me while their legs are up in “V” formation they too are poz. Wtf?

    Education is crucially important. About the disease. About how to be safe. About ourselves.

    Lastly, as I tend to tell folk…being poz is as much a part of me as being African-American, my brown eyes, the size of my piece, and all the other things that make me…well…me.

    My being poz is inextricably a part of me. For now, it isn’t going anywhere. So why is it when you view my profile and call me sexy. When you tell me what you want me to do and how much you love my conversation and I can be the man of your dreams, this suddenly changes when I tell you that I am poz when it is very evident in the profile and it was you who did not see it, instead focusing on my dick? Why am I less than zero now that you know the truth? And would you still think these things had I lied to you?

  • To answer the title question: yes.

  • I am a married guy who uses A4A to get blowjobs every once in a while. I would never hookup with a poz guy, I don’t care how safe it is. I have done the research and found it’s safe, but just don’t think I could even get hard knowing the guy was positive. The funny thing is, I am sure I have been sucked off by a few before.

  • Hi what a great article. I am hiv- but lost a partner 13 years ago from Aids. About time I Marc was ending his life here with us I met the most amazing guy Anthony and he stood by an with me through Marc end of life. Anthony never thought twice about befriending me knowing that my partner was shin of aids. Anthony and I spent the last 13 yearstogether in a monogamous loving relationship. He help raise the daughter Marc and I adopted 22 years ago. On our first date I told Anthony everything about me every ugly secret and that my then partner was dying of aids. I’ll forget his kindness and new love in his eyes as he leaned in and said what does that have to do with anything when you have met someone you know you love instantly. We were together from that day forward until he was diagnosed with a very rare brain tumor. Which all doctors said had nothing to do with any hiv/aids. My point is he lived his entire life never smoking drinking or even experimenting with any drug. He was a vegetarian and exercised regularly and cancer still came to visit us. We lost him February 2013 . Now it’s about a year later and a few guys have inquired about dating me and I am up front. When they learn my first partner died of aids and my second of cancer they freak and never call back. So, I asked one of them what was his issue he said he knew Anthony had cancer but that I might be exposed to Hiv is enough for him not to date me. I am gov negative as I said and Marc had died 13 years ago. So, if anything was going to show up you would think it would’ve by now. I’m fine continuing to build my life with our daughter and other friends. I miss my true love deeply and hope all find the kind of Love we shared. Have a Happy New Year and love someone today it will change your life forever. Dane

  • Absolutely. Who am I to judge??
    Great topic..thanks for the post.
    -Ty

  • My best friend from High School died at 38 from AIDS in 1995. So I have mixed feeling about dating someone who is HIV+. I watched him die, it was not a pretty site. There was only AZT which did not work. We both grew up in NYC in the 70′s pre-hiv period when there was no such thing as HIV or safe sex. I’m now 57 and still am HIV negative. The whole idea behind the meds is to get positive men to stop spreading the virus to others and remain healthy. This only works if people take the meds. This is needed because a large amount of sexually active men refuse to use condoms when hooking up. I have seen many guys lie about their status and I catch them on other sites saying they are negative here and positive there. I cross check everyone online for my own safety. Sero sorting is not fool proof.

    All the guys taking meds and still having unsafe sex are unknowingly testing if the virus can still transmit and infect negative guys. They are taking part in an unofficial unethical study to see if the virus can still be transmitted while on the meds. Gay men are doing this unethical dirty work for the CDC and getting this very much needed data. Let’s not be deluded that this is the real reason for taking the meds being undetectable and healthy. This is the best we can do to control HIV until when and if they come up with a vaccine.

  • he boys
    Love has no limits.. just be safe and smart
    :D

  • NO! First off it is no ones business who I date positive or negative, secondly I am sickened by the idea that some people with extremist viewpoints want to make those who don’t feel comfortable dating or having sex with an HIV+ person feel as if they are bigoted hateful people. The worst thing in all of this are the fools posting replies who think PREP is a magic bullet that has zero health risk and will allow them to have sex with whoever they want without any consequences. A4A has a long history of pretending to care about the gay community all the while pushing a pro bareback is hot, HIV is not a big deal agenda. Meanwhile, many of us still know people dying of HIV / AIDS and are sick of the people who want to stick their heads in the sand and pretend everything is OK.

  • Take it a step back – what does it mean to be a man? One thing my father always taught me, was that being a man, meant treating yourself and others with dignity, respect, loyalty, honesty, responsibility.

    We live in a culture of lost men, who’ve lost the meaning of being a man. Health comes and goes, and HIV, Cancer, Hep C.. they can all change your health status in the blink of an eye. Does that make any single one of us any less human? Some of these diseases, yes, can be prevented, but again to err, is to be human.

    Our scientists, medical engineers and doctors, have come so far to make many of these diseases “controllable conditions” that we must live with, and maybe there is no cure, but our lives can continue on so that we can pay it forward and show the next man, a softer side of life.. to teach each other that life is fragile and to not take any day for granted. HIV will not take your life these days, at least not with a little responsibility on our own part.

    Its a social disease now more than a preventative one.

    Poz or not, be true men, and treat each other with respect. Learn from each other and love each other. In the end, we all end up 6 feet under anyhow. Question is, how did you live your life…..?

  • I am not sure what all the comments are about as I don’t have time to read them all. I have been with my bf for two years now and he is POZ, I didn’t care when I met him and I never will. You have to see past it, we are not perfect and shouldn’t expect anyone to be. I proposed to him in June and are now we are engaged. I loved, will love him as long I live on this earth. Don’t be afraid to love.

  • thanks for posting this, im a versatile HIV negative gay man and im not in a relationship however if I was to meet the right guy his HIV status would not be a determining factor in whether or not we dated, become boyfriends or get married. I have no fear of HIV positive people (man or woman) and in fact the last 3 of my intimate partners were HIV positive. my best advice would be to educate yourself,get the facts and don’t rely on other peoples ignorance as your source of knowledge.

  • 20 years ago, most guys would’ve said no, but as medicine has advanced, so has moral character. What always boggles my mind is how many guys will go into a casual hookup without asking about hiv status, sometimes barebacking, but these same guys would never consider a longterm commitment with someone honest enough to disclose their status…….kinda sad.

  • I want to start off by saying this article was a true eye opener to the uneducated people and the information about HIV. As I was reading some of the articles I saw a lot of common ground, from the positive side of it, we not be told that someone would not date us from finding out our status, like they say it looks good on paper but when its presented its a whole another story. And from the negative side of the community is harsh and I wont change unless we can do something about it, no more words but action, I say if your open minded and agree with dating people because of who they are good, if you would not date someone because of their status as if you can catch it, like wiping your hand on a towel then don’t say anything at all because we already have a hard time through out life don’t make regret being honest.

    “Keep your head always held high and never look down”

  • This is something I can speak to. I’m Jerry from Iowa. I’m now single. My partner David passed away from a HIV related condition some 10 years ago. We were life partners in every way possible, I lost the love of my life. David was 30 years old when he died. I haven’t found another guy who can even walk in his shoes. With that said I’m STILL NEGATIVE. I’ve been down that road. I would not date a guy with HIV again. I don’t have it with-in me to go through all of the hope, drugs, sickness, un-known, and let’s face it stigma that go’s along with AIDS and HIV+. I am in my early 40′s now. Marriage is the law of the land here. I went through hell with the loss of my David. I’d never put myself through that again. Sorry guys I just don’t have it with-in me. That’s my personal feelings. I can not speak for anyone else. Play safe if you find the love of your life & follow your own heart. We all have to die of something.

  • Love this article and it click with me and this is my question and concern, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years now, and two year ago, we found out he is positive and I am negative, at first we both were in shock but we talked about it , and I am supporting him every step there is, but our sex life went from good to nothing, and it’s all of because of my fears of getting infected, sure we have sex with condoms, but my fear doesn’t let me be the same person I was before, I really don’t know how to handle this, and yes I have slept with other men, and we kind have an open relationship, if someone can explain what’s going on or what can I do? To bring back those days were he used to drive me crazy making love to me without the fear of HIV

  • Yes, I would and have dated hiv+. I’m 61 and somehow made it through the early years and know for a fact I was exposed to the virus but never contracted it. I have always know that nobody can GIVE you hiv, you have to take it. I am in ltr of 1 yrs, no married, both neg. We are and always have been in an open relationship with 2 rules: Be careful when we play with others no matter what they claim their status is and don’t get emotionally involved. So far, so good. In the past, when I was younger and would date a poz guy it was usually him that broke it off for fear of infecting me, but that’s MY responsibility to remain, or not, neg.

  • When I saw this post, my heart broke.
    Not to long ago I met a guy I always say it was destiny the way we met. On our 3rd date he told me he was positive and undetectable. It was very shocking for me…. Of course in open minded and educated about HIV, and we together decided to try, we became a couple, my friends and family met him they all love him. We were together but I personally wasnt able to handle it, I was scare I worried a lot for myself so did he. To the point that we decided not to have sex until I was ready, and believe me I wanted him, he was and still is very important for me. With much pain in my heart we broke up, this was over 2 months ago. I miss him like crazy, I always think of him, I was his teddy bear and he was my Pollito (little chick).
    It is very hard to date someone positive, you habe to be prepare mentally and your hearth needs to be ready to.

    Thanks for this post Dave

  • I highly doubt that Brad McGuire is negative… I would need to see the needle go in his arm to draw the blood and see the test results before anyone else to believe that story.

  • first of all,thanks for bringing this subject back to light-it has been in the background for far too long,as gay men have learned to live longer,healthier lives who are hiv positive. I live in a city with a large gay population,so that being said,there is also a large number of gay men who are positive. personally,i have no problem dating or having sex with a positive man-as long as he’s upfront about his status and is on meds. just as I don’t want to be discounted because of my race,looks,etc,i see no reason to discount someone else just because of their health status. for the record-I have dated and “been with” poz men. and some of my closest friends,over the past 20 some yrs have been or are poz-including 2 best friends,one of whom was my soul mate-to date. may he rest in peace. its long overdue for our “community” to stop judging our own tribespeople based on whatever the difference may be and love and respect each other for the individuals that we are.

  • I wish they would do another study with undetectable men and do a semen analysis and test anal mucosal for the virus. When men catch HIV from women it is usually from the vagina mucus which is highly virus concentrated not from blood. If they would do a study testing those area and were to find that the virus was undetectable in semen and anal mucus then I think the attitudes would change.

  • I dated a guy that was poz and cared deeply for him. In the end it did not work out because he was more afraid of me being negative and him giving it to me. I would gladly date a guy that is poz because love is love and I don’t want to lose out on what could be the best time of my life because of fear.

  • I think this is dialogue that needs to be had and thank you all for having the courage, and intelligence to discuss the topic. I am negative and used to date someone who is poz and was pissed when I found out he was. His reasons were because he wasn’t sure what I’d do. At first I wanted to retaliate but after educating myself on HIV and the psychosis it can cause along with depression I had a change of heart. We are best friends now and yes… I’d jump his bones in a heart beat (if he shaves LOL)! Education goes a long way and this is 2013! Learn your statistics concerning the epidemic, how to deal with it and show empathy. Guys who have it are AFRAID to admit they do because they don’t want to be treated differently as they shouldn’t be. Some of the hottest men I know ARE poz and outside of HIV they are just like the average person.

  • Well, I’m scared of getting any kinds of diseases, wheather it be HIV, AIDS, Hepatitis, Colds, Flu, Infections, etc. I am bi and married, don’t want to pass it on to anyone especially wife, family, etc, and if someone found out I was POZ, (which I am neg), I would be disowned by everyone, especially those close to me, family etc. So, I try to be as careful as possible if I hook up with someone, M or F. I have had several unrelated health problems in my life and don’t need more, but yet, I seem to always have the desire to get the “high” of hooking up, and getting off with others. Probablly wouldn’t hookup with someone who says he or she is POZ, but yet, one never truely knows their statis, as there are so many liers out there.

  • I could not have come cross this article at a better time. I was diagnosed in December of 1991. I must say that it was indeed a life changing event. It was at the same time I met a man that would become my partner of 9.5 years. And to this day he is still “negative”. Thank God for that!
    Being diagnosed in the early 90′s was indeed a death sentence. Was immediately put on meds. And here I am today 22 years later healthy as ever. And yes of course there have been those times of rejection. But you know what? Fuck em. They would rather play with someone that “says” they are negative. But what they do not realize is that person can be saying they are negative from a test a year ago. It is so time that men stop being ignorant about important issues in our community and to each other. We as gay men are our own worst enemies.

    Dave please keep up the good work.
    Thank you for a great article.

    Peace,

    Ron

  • As a poz man, I much rather date another poz guy. It’s easier. My last boyfriend was negative and there was so much I had to explain to him about being poz. He wasn’t some child either. He’s 40. He knew I was poz going into the relationship. I’ve just found too many negative guys just aren’t educated very well about HIV in general. A guy I’m in the beginning stages of a relationship with who is negative asked me how I became infected. I told him but really it’s none of his business.

  • I would date a HIV positive guy …. simple reason is because I know is status and I don’t have to be concerned about him testing every six months. Once he is adhering I am fine

  • don’t want to deal with stigma? don’t get infected.

  • yes I’d love to date a guy thats poz

  • Dave,

    Very good question and I there are different answers depending on the person. I, myself, would date someone that is HIV+. I see no problem with it at all. As far as I am concerned, everyone deserves to be in a relationship whether they are poz or neg. Bright Blessings!

  • Great entry. I have dated poz guys before n will do in the future. I am neg. When I meet a guy that is poz and am asked if I am ok with it? I tell them I am dating him not the disease. It just happens to be a small part of who he is. I see that many men are considerate of guy that are poz. I have herpes and dont have luck in finding guys that are as acceptable with herpes as they are with hiv.

  • Hi Guys,
    While I hate to bust everyone’s bubble…. Everyone has slept with someone who is POZ, whether you believe it or not is your loss! The POZ guys lie for fear of endless rejection from the NEG community as well as the arrogance within the community. People say:
    1. If they don’t wear a condom, they must be POZ too?
    2. I’m undetectable so I’m not POZ.
    3. I just wanna bust a nut, who cares?
    4. I’m gonna infect everybody as revenge for becoming infected.

    Boys, treat everyone as if they’re positive and wear protection or your nine lives may soon run out!

  • By me being Poz I never really thought no one wanted me but letting someone know at the start,I found more guys were okay in dating me and sex. What I like to say that was diagnosed in1995 and I’m undetectable ya it is love for positive man!

  • I am a positive friendly man. The exchange of bodily fluids is the key. I’m not talking kissing. Semen is the problem. I practice safe sex but I would definitely miss oral sex without a condom.

  • Thank you Brad!! Point well recieved.

  • It’s hard being pos and trying to date. I met an old freind that was lonly as i am . The second time we saw esch other i told him. It was like i knew that he hsd a problum with it but he said he didn’t and would want to see me again. Well that was before thanksgiving and no call

  • I was in a relationship for 13 years before my partner passed away from complications from pnumonia. It was at that time as he lay in critical care that he told me that he was HIV+. He said he had been for 20 years and that the meds made him sick, and so he stopped. I was a little taken aback by this but I think I may have known as he looked frail and thin during the last couple of years. He didn’t want to tell me for fear that I would leave him. I never would have. We were monogamous and didn’t even think about other partners or whatever. Since I didn’t know anything about his past we always had sex without the use of condoms or other protection. To this day I have been tested every 6 months and am negative. I am a lucky person. But I miss him and wish him back. Nothing would change except for the fact that I would love him more. The answer to the question is “YES, I WOULD DATE SOMEONE WHO IS HIV+”.

  • Yes I would date a guy that is HIV positive if I love him it doesn’t matter what he’s got

  • Great article! I am 37/single and negative and would most definitely be open to dating a positive guy. I always try to live by the golden rule – so I know if I were in their shoes, I would not like the feeling of rejection due to my status. It’s hard enough being rejected due to age, looks, ethnicity, etc today – so why add something else to the list.

  • Excellent article. Many MANY guys on A4A need to read this and learn something. Ever since recreating my account several months ago, no guys in the Dallas area have shown any interest in me and I know it’s because I’m HIV positive. It’s a very depressing thing to realize, especially since mine is under control thanks to meds. I hope every guy on A4A reads this and gets an open mind about dating/hooking up with an HIV Poz guy and stops treating them like a leper.

  • I was diagnosed HIV+ on the summer of my 21st birthday many see it as a nightmare but I was blessed with a supportive family and with an amazing man who taught me about the virus while him being negTive he was the love of my life thanks to him I got on treatment and now I am what they call UNDETECTABLE means I am only but a carrier is very hard to transmit it for me now…..what I can say is best for one to study it because as gay man we are all at risk……and being ignorant to it doesn’t help…….my first love was neg while me being poz and had the most active SEX life and is all about being safe HIV IS NOT EASY TO CATCH READ UP ON IT….I am 24 and you look at me NEVER would u guess I have it….on that note GOD Bless U ALL HAPPY HOLIDAYS GUYS AND STAY SAFE…….

  • Regardless …. We all need love no matter what is wrong with us as human beings -

  • Yes, I would. I have a few friends who are HIV+ and are very open about their HIV status. Learning about the virus from them and how they live with it, I would not have a problem with a guy who could be a potential partner who was. Yea, there are some precautions that come with the situation, but my friends live a very healthy and active lifestyle just like anyone else. And I totally believe what you say Dave about education. Ignorance further perpetuates the stereotypes and stigmas associated with the virus that are either very outdated or simple just false!

  • Living here in Dallas, Texas I’ve dated 3 guys who were pos and I must say they are some of the sweetest,most intelligent, and talented people. They want and need to be loved just like anyone else. I treat everyone the same whether pos or not. I think if people remembered the golden rule of treating others the way we would want to be treated the stigmas, stereotypes, and ignorance would decrease. I’ve dated pos guys before and am open to do it again as I am well educated in healthcare and modern medicine that treats and manages it. This HIV- man has no fear or doubt.

  • It’s nice to read all the wonderful posts, but sadly in the black gay community, being poz is the worst. Sadly my ex didn’t care enough to warn me that he cheated and contacted HIV. Now I’m living n dealing with this, but it’s scared me that nobody will ever love me. I’m healthy n undetachable, but in the world we live in, guys don’t want to hear “I’m poz” hopefully one day true love will come to me….but idk…

    Good article …. KNo some ppl who need to read this

  • Well I don’t really see what the big deal is, when it comes to sex I usually top anyways because I like to be dominant in bed, and as far as the other thing goes with dating him, if he is undetectable and he remains that way for say 5 years or whatever on his meds then sex is no big deal, I had sex and topped a dude back in 2010, who was poz and it was safe sex he was cute, and it didn’t matter to me, I was tested earlier this year for everything including hiv, and I am still negative so I don’t see the real big deal about it anyways, its the same as anything else the first time you had your first drink or smoke or whatever so a lot of people need to try and really understand it and quit making a huge deal over it anymore, its not 1980 anymore so ya know.

  • I personally have no issue with dating an HIV positive man. I work in the medical field so I have the privilege of being educated on the matter, however, I still do not find it to be an issue.

    I dated someone who told me he was positive, and it didn’t change the relationship. I have to add that sometimes people living with HIV have a harder time dealing with it in relationships then negative people do, at least in my past relationship it was.

  • What people need to understand about the guys who hide their status is that it takes time to come to grips with being poz. The newly diagnosed are the ones who usually lie about their diagnosis. (not all) I hid my status for a few years until I came to grips with being poz. Coming to grips with it and education are key. I’m so secure in who and what I am that I even have the I will survive HIV logo printed on a t-shirt that I wore to the state fair.

  • I have dated a positive fellow, his nickname is ‘Beto’ and he was a good teacher, but before he came into my life, I was still living it the same way, in other words I have never used a condom. I was raised in NYC during the 1960′s I(the sexual revolution) and yes it was even better than you were told. I remained negative all of these time and I hate to admit it, but I’ve probably been with over a thousand men by now. I even loved some of them and I’m still negative. I wish Beto and I had gotten somewhere cause I care for him, even after so many years, I still think of him every day. I now believe that he had more of an issue about been poz than I did. Chris, Jose, Nick, Beto, Jerry and Devin, love them all (not all poz, but the question is, did I look down on them? Did I think any less of them because they were poz? No way, in fact all of them were better and mentally stronger than me. All we need to do is be informed. Know what you can and cannot do.

  • I HAVE HIV AND I GAVE IT TO A MAN WHO LOVED ME. I DIDNT CARE ENOUGH TO TELL HIM AND WHEN HE FOUND OUT HE WANTED TO HURT ME..BUT HE DIDNT. NOW BECAUSE OF THE SERIES OF DIRTY THINGS I HAVE DONE TO HIM HE IS READY TO FILE ATTEMPTED MURDER CHARGES AGAINST ME. HE SAYS HE DOESNT WANT TO SEE ME SPEND MY LIFE IN JAIL BUT SINCE I TOOK HIS LIFE FROM HIM AND OTHERS THATS WHAT I DESERVE..IM A NASTY BITCH WITH PROBLEMS AND NOW MY PROBLEMS ARE HIS PROBLEMS TOO BECAUSE He LOVES ME. I CONTINUE TO SOLICIT SEX ON HERE BECAUSE NOBODY CARES

  • I try to avoid them when ever possible. They tend to misrepresent their true status. They are dirty because they rarely get full STI checks anal throat genital swab and blood draws every 3 months. Usually woefully ill-informed. They think condoms are safe (70%effective per CDC study). They say their cool with it but deep down they really aren’t. It’s easier just to wait for them to sero-sort themselves into a recently infected and join the club :)

  • Yes I would date a guy that is positive, at least.he would know what he can and cannot do when it comes to sex.

  • I have dated HIV+ guy 7 years ago. A viral infection did not stop me from falling in love with this man. After several months, the guy cheated on me so we broke up with him – i never got infected then.
    The. I met this guy 6 years ago, we were both negative and agreed to be monogamous. Then he cheated on me big time and I became positive. I forgive him despite of everything, but eventually we had to break up, our relationship lasted for 5 years.The only time i was detectable was when i got diagnosed and i was barely detectable. Its been 4 years and i am still undetectable and my T cell count is over 1200.
    I am a scientist, I even took adavance virology course in graduate school and told myself that I will never let myself get infected with HIV, but I did.
    No regrets, i have moved on and living a happy and healthy lifestyle. Life is great!!
    Its been almost a year that I am single and looking for the love of my life… To be honest, it is hard to date people if you are pos, very ironic to what ive read in here. I still try to be optimistic though, I know someone is there for me… bluebird_bd@yahoo

  • I have tried dating HIV positive guys in the past. In fact I was actually in love with one guy who was that I was trying to date. I ended up getting hurt in the process because he didn’t felt the same way about me. When I asked him what is it about me that’s causing you not to feel the way I do for you his response was because I wasn’t positive and he is afraid of infecting me and I was like how would that be possible if we protect ourselves. In the end he wanted to have unprotected sex and couldn’t do that with me. This is the problem you find with a lot of HIV positive guys, they seem to think because they are positive it means they can go on having unprotected sex which is not the case, but try telling them that. So with I told myself I will never date another HIV positive guy again because of him and I’m not going to lie whenever a I meet a guy and they say I got something to tell me I just back off. This is not because I’m not educated about the subject, I work with HIV patient and I have a few friends that are. It’s cause of what he did.

    Dennis.

  • Thank you :)

    Found out in May of this year and down to undetectable after 7 months. Yup, status in profile cause I think it’s important to let people know up front. For those with a problem, they can lick my ass(I love a good rimming)!!

    Yarmatey

  • My personal answer to the question is no. A lot of new information about HIV and AIDs has come out over the years. I’m not afraid to be near someone with HIV, share a drink with them, or kiss them on the lips, but I would not want to have sex with someone who is positive. It probably has happened but I use protection and would just wouldn’t want to knowingly take an extra risk.

    Before everyone was foolishly afraid to be anywhere near someone with hiv or labeled them as dirty, but lately it seems as if some hiv positive guys expect everyone to want to have sex with them or they are somehow uneducated a-holes.

    Theres plenty of hiv positive guys, young and old, or people who do not mind dating someone with hiv. Just saying don’t get mad at every guy who doesn’t want to have bareback sex with you because your lastest T-cell count score. Nothing personal, but I’ve come across that type of attitude more than once.

  • I would like to say I’d be open to a relationship with a poz guy but in all honesty I couldn’t see myself in that situation. its not that I don’t know about it, im pretty educated on the matter, its just I don’t like to put myself in a situation where id be at risk everytime I want to get intimate with my significant other. it’d would always be in the back of my mind like, is this going to be the day I slip up and catch it? I couldn’t imagine how a poz guy would handle it and I gotta tip my hat to the men who live with it everyday. you’re way stronger than I’d ever hope to be.

  • Yes I have dated a HIV+ guy and I’m Neg… I met a sweet & special guy on A4A after talking on the phone for a couple weeks we decied to meet and when we did sparks flew from both of us…we both were so hot and horny we were on each other as soon as the door closed on our 1st meet, the second time we met we were ready to go all the way before we went into the bedroom he informed me that he was positive and undetectable and that it was my choice to continue..we did and it was the best sex ever and we became a couple and I do love him so his status isn’t a factor, as long as you play safe and learn the the FACTS we all can have fun and enjoy … most problems come from being uneducated about the virus and being afraid to ask questions because of fear that someone might put you in the POZ category…

  • I would date a poz guy. It has no effect on the persons personality or the type of person they are. I have been negative all my life and always felt that if we had safe sex it would be ok. This article though has made me open my eyes and want to learn more about this. Having lived a sheltered life the topic of HIV was never really explored.

  • Hey Dave…I’m 25 almost going on 26 and I have friends who have educated me on this topic, most of which where guys who had contracted the virus through rape and another through knife contact with someone he was fighting…I have many friends who are HIV Negative and a lot of them make fun of HIV positive guys…I am ashamed to say that I was once one of them but once I was taught about it by someone I met a few years ago I disconnected myself from them and foundnew more rrespectable friends…I would date someone who is HIV positive and I would have no issue doing so.

  • I think the stigma of HIV + is overrated. I am 35 have been with a few + guys knowing of course. I think honesty is the best policy when it comes to this topic. I am a bottom and have let + men cum in me and I still remain negative. I’m not sure if it is because they are undetectable or that HIV is actually one of the harder viruses to catch (i.e. Hepatitis, herpes…) I actually prefer getting blow jobs by HIV + men they seem to do it much better than negative men for some reason. They do not frighten me in anyway. In fact if they are undetectable, then you have nothing to worry about at all, I think. All the men I have been with with HIV have been undetectable and I remain negative. As stated before, I let them cum in me and everything. What most worries me is the fact that they think just because they are POZ they can just have sex with any other POZ person which isn’t the case. There are many different strands of HIV out there that they should be concerned about because one of these times they are going to get a new strand even if they were undetectable that will make them no longer undetectable. I know enough about the Virus as I have my degree in Applied Science and my best friend in Boston is a PA, therefore; it doesn’t scare me in the least to be with an HIV + person. I find they are warm, caring, individuals with hearts especially if they know you are negative and are still willing to be with them regardless. I am in love with a person whom is HIV + and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

  • Steve, that is not very kind of you, just sayin’

  • no big speech, just simply: Yes, I would.

  • I have been poz for 5+ years now and I haven’t had any issues with negative men dating or wanting to have sex with me . However I agree with Micheal who mention earlier that we gays need to learn to respect each other . Thank you for this post it is eye opening and encouraging

  • I am currently in a 2+ year relationship with the love of my life who is HIV+. I am not. When we first started dating, I asked a million questions. He helped me find resources to learn more about the virus and what safe play really means. It’s not just about a condom. It’s about knowing your body, knowing if there is something abnormal that can cause a problem. Knowing if there is something that could endanger your partner. We don’t use condoms, and I still test negative. Maybe I am lucky. Some people say we are stupid. But I know the potential risks, and we take certain precautions to mitigate them. Thank you for publishing this. Oddly enough the topic came up the other day with a friend who said negative guys automatically reject him. It’s sad that in the age of technology, people are still so ignorant.

  • i’m 22 yo & have been HIV+ for almost a year now. contracted it from a bf that may have contracted it from his previous r’ship (or sleeping around thru ours) but nonetheless, i am now positive and have to live with it. i remember him saying that had he known his previous bf was positive, he wouldn’t have even given him the chance, which i find hypocritical because now that he is, he expects the love like anyone else. I’ve never had an issue wid dating anyone who is positive,not that i have or even know i have bc it’s not much communication going on abt that when you’re young and in “puppy love” phases. but I’ve had the conversation before with a previous ex (i was about 16 yo at the time, & the r’ship lasted 4 yrs.) abt whether we would still be together had either of us contracted it, & it was agreed the love would never change. we still remained the best of friends afterwards, & once i was diagnosed, i told him (one of the first people i’ve told). after that, i noticed he became distant, we never talk like we used to into this day we don’t speak at all. i do understand people have preferences, but i always try to keep an open mind about things with the thought “well what if the tables were turned”. I’ve dated positive guys, haven’t actually came across a negative that would.. i mean, I’ve never been verbally “rejected”, but i seem to notice that everything will continue to go good & then they start to become distant, even though “they are open-minded & don’t have an issue with it”. now sexual encounters are a different thing, 99% of “negatives” i come across, don’t have an issue with wanting to sleep with me.

  • I would date anHIV positive guy.I used to be afraid of people who were positive.But after meeting my ex and finding out that he was positive.I had already got to know his heart a little,and we statbyed together 3 years.I became very educated on the subject,and I felt so bad for the way that i was before.We all need to realize that a person who is positive this hurt,cry,love,and feel just the same as we do.Its not right to judge a person for being positive,when lots of the people who say positive people aren’t clean are positive themselves and don’t even know it.People are so rude and cruel for no reason and they’re always searching for this perfect man that they will never find cause he don’t exist!We have turned our backs on true love so many times because we wanna judge.But what about that guy that you do go to who’s not gonna care and not gonna be honest with you?How is that gonna feel?Stop judging people and playing God cause that’s not what were supposed to do.Love comes in some of the most strangest places and forms.And most of those places we run or hide from and look over.Its time to stop judging and give someone else the same chance that you yourself would want to be given.And if I meet another guy who’s decent but happen to be positive.I will be more than glad to share my heart and my life with him.Gay people are some of the cruelest to each other and its really upseting! I’ve learned to love and judge a persons heart and not their status.Our ignorant and uneducated minds to this disease could cause us to miss out on getting to knowva lot of beautiful people.Think about that and stop judging.I accept all with a pure heart be it as a friend or partner.Welcome to my world.

  • O my gosh. You guys are Hippocrates, this is the best question ever. I commend a4a for asking this ……… You would date a HIV Poz guy before you date a person from a different race You put you life in danger for having to take Meds for life. Then you don’t know how long that you might live… The next question is. Would you date outside you’re race … Because. A4a has so many fake people on there. The new word that they use is. It’s my PREFERENCE LOL. ITS SO FUNNY….. NO I WOULD NOT DATE A GUY WHO IS HIV POZ THAT A PREF,,,

  • Maybe your next blog can be about HIV+ and poz friendly sites?? not sure if that is allowed because your affiliated with A4A but I figured it’s worth noting…

    There is a site I have been using called Volttage and I was wondering if anyone else knew of any sites or apps that all the HIV poz men are using??

  • It’s so obvious to me that HIV+ people are actually the best people to be with. I’m negative and would actually prefer a Pos over a neg. Wish I could do a quick search of pos people only.

  • For me there were the times “before” and “after the diagnosis”. Before: I had a colleague that was HIV positive and I was afraid even to hug him, fearing I might get contaminated. HIV also seemed a “far from my bed” show: It happened to other people, not to me. Then I was foolish enough to accept unprotected sex with a guy who claimed he could never be HIV positive for such and such reasons and… I won the first prize. Since then the learning process went fast: My first thoughts were about the emaciated people suffering from AIDS back in the 80ies. It didn’t help that I googled for HIV/AIDS, as it gave me some 2.5 million sites. The first one I clicked on showed horrible and disheartening photos. Therefore my advice: If you are tested positive, don’t get more information than you need and preferably get it from hospital staff that are treating you. Also, consider each person HIV positive until the contrary has been proved by two tests. For the rest, I’m no longer afraid of HIV positive people (I would then also have to be afraid of myself). There is still enough to enjoy.

  • I MUST ADMIT IM A BIT AFRAID I HOPE THAT DOESN”T MAKE ME A BAD PERSON IVE NEVER MEET ANYONE WHO WAS INTRESTED IN ME & WAS HIV AS FAR AS I KNEW SO IM NOT REALLY SURE

  • Opposites attract (+/-) lol. Seriously, most have probably dated and/or “played” with someone who is poz at some point, unbeknownst. Probability will likely put at least 2-3 poz people for every 10 you hookup with. That’s a sobering thought. It’s not really a question of, “Would you…?”, more like, “When have you…?”.

  • Thank you for putting this out there I wish all gay men understood more about us poz guys.Yes I am hiv positive its in my profile on A4A and I always remind guys of this before connecting with them. It just amazes me how many people still don’t understand. There are many ways of having safe sex with positive men. It is your own responsibility to protect your self from getting any std.

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