18 Jan 2014

Speak Out: Porn VS Real Life

Category: Gay Stuff : Pornstars : Speak Out

Since the dawn of the camera there has been porn. Even in the early days of manifest destiny there were dirty pictures sold for cowboys and ranchers, some of these have even been of men and gay sex. But in the beginning the porn industry start by catering to heterosexual men. And since then they have always been under constant attack by women.

Porn had many rather unique accusations about its effects and most of those are far reaching. But one thing that we can’t deny is that it does desensitize us to body image issues, unrealistic proportions and sexual expectations. Women have been fighting this and proving this for decades, but the gay community is blissfully ignorant. And it’s not about “Fighting” them but learning from them. I’m not saying porn is BAD, it’s not. What we idolized from porn and can’t separate from reality is.

Now I’m not gonna lie, I’m a sexually active gay man. I have porn on my computer. I have accounts on porn sites and I’ve used them plenty. But I also can’t lie, that at this point in my life and in my psyche, scripted produced porn doesn’t do it for me anymore. In fact to get off sometimes I have to go to user submitted sites, where it’s homemade videos. Men, real men, having real sex in real rooms with real kisses, neck bites, nuzzles, smiles and passion.

Now sure, there are TONS of specific fetishes and fetish porn sites and videos. But I’m not talking about the difference between professional porn body types, all professional porn stars are “The hottest” of their genre. I’m talking reality, because even produced bear porn is edited with direct lighting, makeup and staged actions. We won’t even get into horrid scripts, that’s nothing new or hidden. But porn is visualized sexual fantasies made to reality. The porn industry feeds on your dreams and desires, but it’s up to you to really fulfill those, not actors. You have to realize, not everyone looks like that. So instantly you don’t find a majority of locals in your area appealing because they aren’t “Attractive”

It goes overlooked in gay culture more than our hetero brothers because of one simple thing, Branding. Gays have been branded to the American public. You’re either a flaming queen like Jack and Emmett or you’re a sexy well built and toned WHITE alpha male whore. Like Brian or any gay man you see on a magazine with abs, perfect teeth, great skin and amazing hair. We from a very early age as homosexuals are bombarded with advertisements all with “Hot” men as told my advertising companies. Instantly at 13 with your overly skinny and lanky build, or budding man boobs, this can make you feel insecure, but you can’t help but to be attracted to them, “They’re what’s hot”.

And this insecurity is what spawns the judgmental and hateful slurs that makes bitter queens bitter. But that’s another topic.

It’s not just about a perfect hairless chest or cheese grater abs, it’s about realizing that some of these photos are digitally enhanced, that those abs can be enhanced with makeup.

What about proportional size? Porn companies, especially gay companies HAVE to focus on their stars penises. Where its almost an unimportant detail to straights, unless it’s a fetish video all gay porn stars are 6.5 inches, typically larger and with almost unbelievable girth. This naturally makes every other man feel inadequate, your dick is too short/thin and that’s how it’s always gonna be.

Or what about Stamina? Watching these 45 min long clips of one top pumping away for a half hour. Of course you don’t realize what’s happening behind the scenes.

I know plenty of local washouts of the porn industry here in Florida, from Orlando or Miami, its the same tale.

Professional videos are produced typically in a 3 day window. 1st being the promo shots, declothing and foreplay. 2nd being all the anal sex, of which the bottom actor has hours of time to lube up, loosen himself and prepare. 3rd being close up fucking actions and then the cum shots from several angles, a whole day of having to cum. These video’s are filmed for hours. The use of Viagra is not hidden, the use of other drugs isn’t either on most sets. And most porn companies are now seeing that just sex isn’t selling it anymore. Now they are adding “passion” to try and make this seem “More real”, kissing, smiles and hugs. But it still looks staged, in some videos you can even watch actors eyes while being directed. They emulate what is real, and what you want in the fantasies you want to watch and experience.

I’ve been with all kinds of men. Greek gods, boy next doors, twinks, cubs, bears and then some. NONE of them have ever had the matching stamina of a porn video. No bottom I know can just have me take a running start and leap and easily just slip all the way in. Most can’t last for a half hour straight without blowing their load. Why is that?

Because I’m fucking a real person, not a porn star.

So where does this leave us. I’m not advocating to not go to the gym. Be healthy, be happy and live your life how you want, but don’t idolize these photo shopped pictures and perfect skin tones. Every porn actor started out as a regular actor, being “Beautiful” is a requirement.

Some people use them as examples of how they want to look, but a majority use them as sexual objects, fantasies and more importantly advertisements. Maybe the reason why you, with the perfect body and smile who can’t find a decent boyfriend is because all they see is the body and that’s what they want.

The false iconography of what gay men really look like is starting to crack. Hell what people want in general, take Dove for example with their ads showing women of all shapes, colors, ages and sizes. People are starting to see past advertising, looking at what is truly beautiful, the uniqueness that is you. But in gay culture “Hot” is hot, The same “hot” guys used and plastered up to support sites, much like Adam4Adam. Pictures of rock hard abs, gorgeous men and huge dicks. I don’t know about the rest of the U.S. or the world, but very few people on my “Near Me” link look like that. What do you REALLY find sexy, models or real men?

Now I get and understand BILLIONS has been invested into these hot men and their ads. But is that appealing anymore? Is seeing someone who isn’t you, for a site you’re on appealing? Would you rather see a Dove-esk styled ad? Sure it’s hookups and you still see hot ripped men. But imagine a bed filled with naked men, all lying on each other. All legal ages, races, weights, heights, hair, ect? Would that make you look? Would that make you want to subscribe? OR does Mr. Six Pack just have you so gorganized?

I’m a real man. I have a real life. I have real sex with other real men.

But how do you feel? Do you feel that what’s “Hot” has changed after all these years? Does looking at porn sometimes depress you because you’ve never had a man like that? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t get off to something because it was just too staged and perfect? Do you prefer user submissions or the latest from ______ Studio?

I wanna know what makes you guys tick. Would you like to see more honest advertising on gay sites? Real men, mixed color, mixed body images, mixed weight and body hair?  We aren’t just cookie cutter people, I’m tired of it, are you?

Drake/BloggerBear

92 comments for Speak Out: Porn VS Real Life

  • I agree with you-scripted sex is just not very interesting any more. It’s too formulaic and just not sexy. I also get tired of giant cocks, when in reality, about 75% of us are 6.5″ or below. I would much prefer to see some average guys go to it!

  • Nobody wants to watch Laurel and Hardy have sex!

  • I don’t think that there is a change for gay men. Once you get to be Forty something, you pass from the hunted to the hunter. Older men aren’t interested in men their own age, and the youngsters are too young to know the road they are headed down, and their place in this process. The cycle just continues.

    One of the problems is that men in general, don’t have a rite of passage. So, consequently, there are a lot of men who have adolescent ideas and actions their whole life. We don’t have any mythic figures who function as role models, and we are unable to transform our own lives enough to be our own role models. So we propagate the stereotypical,mindset that keeps us locked in these modes of behavior. Some without even knowing it until they wake up one morning and find they can’t attract a sexual partner of any sort. This is the cost of a thought system that refuses to grow up.

    When I was young, and I know how old that makes me sound, I had “mentors”. Men who took the time to socialize me, and to give me a perspective about who I was. Where is that today? We idolize straight men in gay porn as if they have an answer to the question, “Who are we?”. We lust after that adolescent looking ass to try to capture a feeling we can not identify. We no longer have a defined direction to the question of identity. It is every man for himself.

    In many ways, the AIDS crisis decimated an entire generation of men who are either no longer here, or are in numbers too few to make a difference. But the loss was also in a collective perspective about identity. We have lost the ability to maintain our own quest for identity, and so porn is the substitute for a vision of our own self determination.

  • Thanks for posting this. While I am a (extremely) sexually active gay man, I have also found gay porn to be too scripted & too “perfect”-the perfect hair, the perfect body, even the perfect skin color (just being real). I truly believe that movies like this have clouded the gay community in regards to how a gay man “is supposed to look”. Not everybody can possess a big, swingin’ cock, have washboard abs with muscular arms, be a certain ethnicity or be 18-30 forever. I think a LOT of us need to realize that gay men come in all shapes, sizes, colors-& that’s what makes us such a unique kind of people. I find it so mean-spirited when I see profiles that say, “No blacks/whites/fats/fems”, etc. It’s mind-boggling how close-minded we have become…yet we want to be considered equal with the rest of society. It’s certainly a contradiction in terms.

  • I agree with this on so many levels. I am a chubby guy and I know on my area when I speak to someone I usually always get the same response, “I’m looking for someone more ripped”. Which leaves me with a “WTF” thought in my head. And on more then one occasion, left me with the feeling that I should immediately start to starve myself to look more “ripped up”. But why should I change to please any one person. I am happy with my body, I am chubby and beautiful. I’ve had to tell myself so many times that if someone can’t accept me for the number on the scale, then the aren’t worth my time.

    I live in a small town wheres the pickings are very slim. So finding a cookie cutter pornstar in my town is like striking oil! I’ve told my friends on many occasions before, I would love to see a tv commercial with a real guy. Not this gorgeous, chiseled features, wash board abs, perfect teeth models. I wish that advertising agencies and porn sites would use real more often. The average Joe!

    This is probably one of my favorite articles that I have read on a4a blogs. Mostly because it’s the trurth and I’ve felt this way for years! I’m glad that someone finally voiced it.

  • Maybe you don’t, Areyoukidding, but others might.

    I hardly ever use professional porn sites anymore for this very reason. Thanks OP.

  • I spend a lot of time in the gym and eating right and it shows a great deal, but training and building is a hobby of mine. I love to form my eight pack and see my body change. However, my boyfriend is the average skinny Joe with chest hair. Every guy I have dated has been average. I have had a couple one nighters with some in shape guys, but I know most guys do not look like the porn videos. I think most know porn is a fantasy. My dick is barely 6 inches hard and my boyfriends is too. Out of 10 guys I had 2 much bigger. That is all. Unless there are breaks sex doesn’t last hours. I think we all know, but fantasy never hurts. We all know Superman doesn’t exist, but we still watch the movies. It is entertaining.

  • Well I don’t know about you guys, but it takes me an hour an a half to blow my load.

  • Just , Thank You!
    give me a real person, not a porn star any day!
    i’m not a model nor will I ever be! nor will I EVER attract one. you’re correct, if your not a porn star Adonis, you’re basically a reject. or at least I am.
    I am glad someone like you sees our plight! :)

  • I never had an illusions of porn vs. reality. But, I gotta admit, it’s just more entertaining to me to watch a young, hung, man with nice abs, good skin and great athleticism than it is to watch the opposite. I have several f/b’s and they all do a pretty good job at endurance as we know each others hot spots and slow down signals. As they all have large cocks, 7-9″ I am careful with their passion lest some damage be done. One sight I noticed that seemed pretty well done was Rock Candy Productions. Watched several of theirs in the last few weeks and they are definitely hands off hard on flicks. But porn is handy for learning new tricks and techniques and one of my f/b’s could make his own movies,lol! But their is a large gap between porn as entertainment and titillation and porn as obsession and an end in itself.

  • Variety is key when it comes to porn, oh and a hot imagination able to follow the fantasy helps too…..

  • For as long as I’ve been a consumer, there have been two seperate aesthetics in gay porn– aspirational and realistic.

    The former includes titan, falcon and the other studios featuring buff, waxed, tan, groomed model types.

    The latter is represented by the classic works of joe gage, old reliable and treasure island media.

    The internet has been invaluable in making every kind of porn available to everyone. Access isn’t really an issue anymore
    You just have to click and any kind of man doing any kind of things is instantly there for you.

  • All gay men need to realize capitalist corporate propaganda equals spiritual death.

  • It’s a known fact that the porn industry uses the actors up and toss them out once they are no longer marketable. Aside from the big studios, porn has very slim profit margins (lack of website traffic/illegal downloads/copies) – and this is none more so telling in what the studios pay non-big name actors (comparative peanuts). Instead of focusing on what types of men should be more represented in porn, how about focusing on the actors that are no longer marketable. Here are some points:

    Lack of job opportunities (due to being featured in porn the actor’s professional life suffers).
    Drug use (coping mechanism)
    Psychological issues (regret about porn)
    Romantic (not all gay men are open to having a relationship with a former “has been” porn star)
    Self-esteem issues (some speculate that doing porn is a way to cover up self-esteem issues).

    Some people on the other hand, have no choice but to do porn to pay the bills (which makes it even more destructive). It is clearly a socioeconomic issue that has not been addressed enough because (as you stated), billions of $$$$$$$$ are at stake – at the cost of actors.

  • As a hairless teen in the seventies, I envied the hairy models of the day. Fashions change and fads fade away. The shaved boys that followed left me limp, and today’s tattooed illustrations detract from the symmetry of the male form. A beautiful man is one who is comfortable in his own unenhanced form. Just as a partially clothed man is sexier than a nude man, a twinkling eye or devilish grin is far sexier than abs of steel and cocks as big as sign posts.

  • we live in age of sex. porn will flourish right now otherwise it would not exist. just like its wrong to name call people or be racist, if we are not so different it all would not exist.

    personally porn just is boring and i think many men think they can have such lustful or disgusting acts in life. we all forget at the joy of sex and love making when we want to be porn stars or hire people to fuck like stars. its disgusting and loveless. no wonder why 95% will be always single. sex, specifically this mechanical sexuality of porn is so dominant in our lives.

  • I never payed attention to the trend – but that’s because I’ve always been an armature gay porn lover. Prior to that I was stuck watching ond straight porn where the men were often fugly. I started dating a guy though who had no idea what makes someone attractive outside of porn. For years he thought if you weren’t ripped you were ugly. We got in a fight once that ended up with him revealing he was “hideous” – at which point I made him turn off his main stream porn accounts. He has since accepted that he is a handsome man; though he’ll never see himself as a catch – I guess bonus for me since he’s a 9 and I’m a 7!

  • Ok so I like the skinnier guys. I’m a bigger guy and I like to be able to look a guy in the eyes when I am sucking his cock. But I don’t like to have to look over a big belly. I don’t just have sex with skinny guys but I don’t have sex with chubby guys like myself. I do prefer bigger cocks because it takes a bigger cock to get past my big booty. I’ve only got about 6″ myself.

  • I love this article. I have been thinking about this topic lately and I completely agree with you. Especially as a man that is not the largest down south and feeling self conscious because of it. The porn industry has a way of creating the “normal image” of what “sexy” is but I am finding I find real men sexier.

  • You certainly nailed it – we are falling in love (or lust) with an image. A fantasy. And when I go to events like Pride or Market Days or IML, I find myself passing up just average guys and going right for the “hot” ones. It’s what we’ve been taught.

  • I for one, am an attractive very endowed guy. Been with the same guy for 11 years. Problem is my fella has a serious porn addiction has for as long as I have known him. He looks at porn so much our sex life suffers. He refuses to get help at all. I used to be in the Industry….And to tell the truth I despise porn because of how much attention it gets over me with my guy. Too much of something is never a good thing.

  • Each person has their own tastes, fantasies, desires. I personally don’t care for over scripting and perfection in models (Bel Ami studios). A little rougher stuff (Spritzz) is always nice, as long as there is no pain. Cobra was good in its day if you like chicken. And I am sure someone can come along and say Bel Ami is hot, Spritzz is too rough or Cobra is for predators. There wouldn’t be stuff for sale if folks didn’t buy it.

  • I will never pay for a porn showing avg joe with a small cock. Porn is for visual enjoyment, shame too many low quality porn made gay porn not as interested as before…

  • lol, well when you get to be my age nobody wants you so porn is great for horny old fools like myself, Thank God for porn and “old man palmer and his five sons”!

  • Recently I did my first 3 porn scenes for Forbidden Funk Media and doing that made me change of perspective about porn. I do agree with points of the essay regarding creating the illusion versus the real men you encounter. Even though my scenes were not scripted they were done as the wish of the director (be spontaneous and have fun). It has been one of the most exciting but draining work I have ever done in my life. I confess to have kept in my mind while doing the scene what people like to see (in guys of my genre) and how to excite them as if I am playing with them. Let’s see when the scenes come out.

  • I have to agree. I’m a tall thin man, and I don’t care what any man looks like. As long as he knows how to use his cock, I’m all good with it. Sex is about pleasure, and that comes in all shapes and sizes. As does a relationship.

  • 20 or so years ago there was a book titled ‘how do I look?’ It was about porn and gay male self-image. Wish I could find my copy of it.

  • Maybe most people don’t to watch Laurel and Hardy have sex but I am sure it would be a turn on for some. Different strokes for different folks!
    Seriously I have watched the impact that gay porn has had over the past few decades. In the 70’s most of the porn films looked very amateur and the “actors” looked like the average guy next door. Then in the 80’s came Falcon films with their perfect Ken doll models. Then in the 90’s came Bel Ami with their perfect twink boys. It did not take long to see the effect in the bars. Unless you looked like one of those Falcon dolls no one was interested. I firmly believe that Falcon was the spark that ignited the gym craze. Gay men began to believe that they had to have the hot bod with the ripped abs if they were to have any chance at all. It has all become so superficial. What really makes me laugh is when Laurel or Hardy posts their pics on sites like this and demand some hot Ken doll and will accept nothing less. It makes me wonder what planet they live on. I agree that it is time to get back down to earth and understand that less than 5% of real gay men look like the guys in the porn films and most of them are looking for guys that look just as good or better than them. That leaves the other 95% for the rest of us. The sooner the advertising reflects that, the better the viewers will feel about themselves and their bodies.

  • Porn is about fantasy. But I have had long sessions with porn quality guys before! But it’s the foreplay that goes long. Some meds will allow a guy to stay hard and not get off (often they can’..) but when. It gets to the real thing it doesn’t take most “clean” guys long to get off. And porn perfect guys are hard to cum by and with unless one also is. Guys like porn. Guys like sex. Take the best of both worlds and do a dude who wants. You while the porn is running on your wide screen

  • Totally agree with you. Porn is so staged that it is fake. Not a turn on. And then some of the ones that market themselves as homemade are not! Specially when you hear the overvoice. And what is up with the music they choose?

  • Speak for yourself hun…this bottom can go hours and hours getting plowed and not cum. ;-)

  • Lmao@ areyoukidding

  • I agree, I try to be as hones and real as I can possibly be. But I am one of the last to admit I watch porn. But when I watch it, I always look for the passionate close to real one as much as possible with mixed type of men. I get bored when it’s two bears, two muscular guys, or two thin toned guys.

    I’ve never followed the advertisement as thinking what’s hot. I’m very much into muscular men, but I don’t like my men too ripped or too pretty. As far as dick size go, I really think it’s how it’s used. If the top is putting the bottom into an uncontrollable state of pleasure, it just makes since.

    But one thing that bothers me that I would like to see a blog about is black people in the porn industry. I for one am not a top, not a ruthless thug, and I look like I take care of myself. For once I would like to see an attractive black guy who carries himself well, looks like he takes care of himself, and someone who can be passionate in bed with a different race as a top. I feel like porn also makes some races more or less attractive than others. Therefore, a lot of guys don’t find me sexually attractive because of my race, because how many times do you see a sexy black guy who looks like you can approach him and him not destroy you? We see mostly masculine white men instead so it’s hard to consider other races. But I’m not a hypocrite, it’s very rare I find a black guy physically attractive.

    But this is probably why I get along with and have more straight friends than gay friends because they seem more openminded and more realistic than the gay community who’s worried about the media. I feel as though I did struggle with gender because of it. But now I feeling more comfortable as a male who likes males.

  • In real life, that bell curve you learned in statistics class still rules. To oversimplify: most people are about average. The “stars” are way out at the tail. How many short NBA players are there?

  • I’ve had a lot of sex over the years and only 5% of gay men look and act like the guys you see in gay porn videos. These videos do not represent the real world and give false expectations of what gay sex is like. Additionally, the best sex out there are guys 40+ with experience and a few pounds and not porn models. Guys at any age and body type can be sexy and great in bed. I wouldn’t limit myself to guys who only look like porn stars.

  • Bravo. Congratulations on hitting the nail on the head in this post. Fantasy is always better than reality, but gay men are programmed to accept that their next trick “should be” a horse hung porn star look alike. It’s hard to break that programming and enter into a relationship with someone who is not so “perfect”.

  • I agree with you. What you point out happens to be the main reason why I prefer amateur action. Perfect bods and fake dialogue makes a dick go limp since guys with “perfect ” bods tend to be WAY too much into themselves – they aren’t considerate of the person they are with because of their egos. When connecting with guys, I’m focused first on personality and specific parts and looks secondly.
    When it comes to porn, real guys doing it in real time and cumming as they normally do shows reality and thus, real-life expectations are better managed.

  • Hi I really enjoy reading your blogs ….they are full of real life and eye opening information plus I am a 27 year old black/mix raced make from mall town Iowa…I agree with you on many levels and the gay porn industry should use more realistic. As for me I like all types of men shape sizes and colors but I love a thick hairy man not fat not skinny but thick …he can be balding on the top but if he is thick and hairy omg but that’s the type of man I like ;-)!

  • I agree that the line between reality vs. fantasy is all muddled up. Let’s face it. Men are visual creatures. Gay men? Multiply that by 100! Bottomline: sex sells. I know personality and character matter more but they come after you hook them with your looks. Shallow, I know. But what can you do? We can’t really go against evolution. Men, gay or straight, are men.

  • I’ve also been with many types of men, from greek gods to much mature men. You know what, these days i can look past the physical somewhat. i still have my preferences, but sometimes i just say, why not he seems nice. and after a while i realised that the guys that become regulars and the ones i enjoy being with are the ones who are affectionate and make love to you, not just pound your holes and be done with it. they might be a skinny twink or a regular joe with a little tummy, but the sex just feels way better with them than with the gym fit hunk who makes you feel like a living fleshlight. and i spend most of my sex sessions moaning with my eyes closed anyway. what they do to me is more important than how they look like naked.

  • Hey AREYOUKIDDING
    who wants to watch you having sex?

  • BTW
    this was a great article
    thought provoking, informative and interesting.
    kudos to the writer!

  • first of all, where the hell do they find these guys? if your considered ‘hot’ is porn life the only career option? do these guys one day wake up and say, im not average, everyone tells me im out of their league and too hot, gay or straight, he has ‘done the research’ on penis size and thinks he himself should be in porn. In the last 5 years, i have noticed the new range of the type of porn guys, not what we used to see in the Jeff Stryker days anymore, a lot of young, hairy, uber hipster looking guys and muscle bears are dominating, smooth chest is out (yeah!), scruff is in (yeah!). Many of the guys in todays gay porn are ‘straight’, gay-for-pay, (LoL) again, average joes who know they are average, have normal careers, I have talked to a few men in gay porn, overall, the money is not that great despite what everyone has heard. Gay porn pays more that straight so the straight men are the ones that probably started that rumor. There has been an explosion of hot men pictures on like tumblr and pin interest, the ‘look’ is changing, you can get your amateur fix from xtube and gaytube, I have gotten off a lot of times watching these non professionals, one guy is well known for shooting loads of cum, I mean loads!, that is something a professional actor, on camera probably cant do

  • Peto Coast is a good example of a redtube, xtube, gaytube “porn star”, low budget, fair lighting, usually bareback, no frills get down to it performer, I like him more than some of the performers in the high dollar studio productions, Men of Chaos is still pretty low budget, some of there performers are young hipster types. The big budget gay porn production studios may soon be a thing of the past, but these extremely good looking men should find real careers, I cant believe porn is their only choice

  • I for one would love to get into bed with any number of the guys in seancody or randy blue (nicco call me lol) but I see the truth. I of course have some people I don’t hook up with because of personal preference but I’m very open as long as your legal younger then my dad and don’t have to side saddle thru the door. Nothing is more of a turn off then some guy saying “hotties only” in his ad. Of course we don’t have any gay support groups here. I have always thought if be great to live I. San fransico or someplace but I might feel out of place being a conservative.

  • Porn , hmm like it it serves a purpose
    I however prefer the real type of guy I like to cam and have a few accounts that I go live with
    I am not a body builder an average guy I am considered a hot bottom material , I went to a site and saw a great deal of my images jerking off with my face included the guy saw me on one of the cam sites and saved it all , so we need to be careful when using porn ,
    I am not sleeping with anyone have not for a good while I guess I am hoping for a relationship I am using porn to keep me for the moment as I say it serves a purpose do I cam live a lot nope

  • The guys in the porn videos are much better looking than what we have here in Charlotte. So, I will continue to watch Bel-Ami videos because those guys are HOT, HOT, HOT.

  • There’s nothing more wrong with porn than there is with drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, eating rich foods, or partaking of any other “vices”. When any of them become predominant in your life to the point where they conflict with your work, social or family life, however, then there are issues.

    Porn, in general, is just silly. Unrealistic looking and acting people, in unrealistic locations, performing unrealistic sex. Cartoon porn is available. What’s up with that? Good porn has realistic actors in real-life situations. It does exist, but takes time to find.

    Porn is said to be pure fantasy. That is true until it becoems the regular form of sexual gratification for viewers. Hours of masturbating alone infront of a monitor should never replace real-life socializing with humans.

  • I have gay porn ,but I don’t watch it as much. I’ve seen guys on Xtube have sex, nothing kinky. I look for ‘chemistry’ and kissing etc. I’ve seen bears and twinks, all races; again it boils down to “chemistry” for me.

  • Both scripted and non-scripred appeal to me. I love seeing those ripped men go at each other. It inspires me to go to the gym. Lol. I also just like to see two “hot” men have sex. I like the unscripted stuff like most of the same reasons as Drake does. I do idolize the “hot” men, but I also realize that those men are not like most men.
    I like a man with big arms and a furry belly :) You know, the kind of man you see happened to see in the market walking with his wife and two kids. The one you happen to see at the gym every now and then.

  • I’m with you on scripted pron.It hasn’t done anything for me in a long time.Now homemade porn,now that’s a different story.I like that so much because these are guys I could actually meet and have great sex with!It also feeds my voyueristic needs.Watching real guys,ones I see everyday having fun,loud,wild,imperfect sex is a huge turn on.It makes me feel comfortable enough that if I were there I could join right in!I’m not against porn.It serves it’s purpose.But for me reality is much hotter than fantasy.

  • I agree with the hot euro-sex appearing too scripted and mechanical. There is certainly an appeal for more “approachable men ” and “accessible men” in front of the lens. My brother lives in LA now and he was immediately caught up because the men there look like the guys in his porn. Half of the men at his gym WERE the guys in his porn. Some generalizations:

    They were mostly HIV positive, drug users, or some combination.

    They were the creepy pervs hanging out in the locker room aka desperate.

    But they looked great and were “desired” so my brother got an inferiority complex just to keep up with the Joneses. Thankfully (if you call it that) we are decently hung and well shaped. But my brother practically had body dysmorphia compared to me. He looks fantastic, but it took him a long time to do it for his health rather than to look hot for other hot men. Everyone I knew who moved out of there said how great it was to find yourself after you leave LA and find real people who care about you. Ironically, they moved there to discover who they are in the first place.

    I love super heroes, so I do like to see hung jacked up men for sure. But who you have sexual chemistry with has little to do with that. But muscles and a hung dick you can handle is icing on a great cake for sure. You just have to love yourself, and let those energies draw others to you.
    Most in LA I find are takers and need that gratification that they are “hot” for self-validation. (I only use LA because it’s where I visit and that’s the youth-obsessed gay scene I have witnessed).

    And yes I met many fantastic self-assured men there. But in my (maybe myopic) view you guys are diamonds in the rough that is La La land. Intelligence, a sense of humor, along with the muscles makes you attractive, not a dumb brick of meat. I want to scratch the surface, not your back.

  • One of the buzz acronyms out there is OMG (Oversized Male Genitalia) to describe men above 8 inches. To hear some researchers tell, above 8 inches is a genetic mutation and they point to studies showing that average penis size has increased as the genetic mutation has spread. For procreation, the longer penis has a better chance of delivering the product to the door of the baby maker which in turn puts the genetic mutation in the gene pool.

    As a man with a thick 10 incher, I have had men wanting me for my dick (once they are told the measurement) more than they care to know the person at the base of the dick. To some extent, our culture makes all men size queens. If penis stretchers, miracle diet supplements, or surgery worked, all men would have foot-long cocks.

    I have no qualms about porn and I see it as entertainment. But if Mr. Six Inch sees Mr. Footlong banging a hole for 45 minutes and releasing gallons os jizz, what does happen for some men is that they feel inferior because the screen does not match their reality.

    As for my dick length preferences, it would be that if the guy attached to the penis is a dick I am not interested, but if I’m interested in the guy then I will love his dick regardless of size.

    We should think of porn stars as being like NFL athletes and the rest of us the guys who go throw the ball around. The sports metaphor is appropriate because the guys watching NFL on TV do not feel like lesser men when they go throw a few with their buddies. If anything, when they are watching the NFL, they probably feel more athletic

    Gay sex is so much more than delivering a good ass pounding. An average man actually has a few advantages. His is long enough to penetrate, but not necessarily big enough to be excruciatingly painful to his partner. The average guy probably has been deep-throated many times whereas the guy with the big bone probably has not.

  • Porn has never and will never do anything for me. The cheesy acting, the lack of chemistry between actors, the funny faces they make doing sex, the ridicious noise they make is such a turn-off that I have more fun watching paint dry. To be honest, all what porn promotes are the negative stereotypes of gay men, to include body types and so call str8 men who do gay porn for money (if you really was str8, you wouldn’t be have sex with a dude). I have yet meant a man whose is str8 that slept with a dude for money, so those in porn are GAY.. But I digress… Porn can’t get me in the mood, get me hard, or even keep my attention… The homemade, amature porn videos are better but at times just as bad as the professional ones, so I’m not a fan of porn..

  • Honestly, I don’t find many of the guys so unrealistic. I’m an 40 something gay man who lives in the suburbs… I see porno like guys at the gym all the time. Personally, I don’t care for the skanky over tatted druggy types on many of the porns, but hey

  • I am not so much into looks as I am into personality. A lot of times with hot guys, what you see is all you get. Or the guy is so into himself, he is no fun to be with. There are a few hot guys out there that are the exception who have great personalities and are fun to be with if you are willing to put in the effort

  • Likes my porn n likes it real…I am aware of the difference. Good at both…lol

  • It would be cool to have the mainstream porn be more relatable, to see all sorts of different kinds of guys, and more average guys. there are lots of average dude out there who are hot and not sculpted and manicured sex machines, and it would be wealthy and cool if they got more representation.

  • Wow. Just…wow. The post is true…real…wow.

    This sounds like conversations I have with my friends. A question that was posed to me once was “If there are so many single gay men wanting to be in a relationship, why are there so many single gay men wanting to be in a relationship?”. Sounds silly, but it is a question that makes one think.

    Everything you’ve written about in essence, answers that question.

    I’ve hooked up with dudes who had to have porn on in order to do anything. I’m like…huhn? We’re supposed to be doing some real-life porn and you’re getting more aroused by the images on the screen than the person lying next to you?

    I’m not really big into porn. I’ve seen it, yes but I won’t allow myself to get all wrapped up in the fantasy they push. I’m with you, I prefer realness. I’ve been with many types of guys and honestly, the realness I’ve experienced I’m fond of.

    I’ve met some porn stars who were rather surprised that I never saw their movies and were likely more surprised that 1) I wasn’t trying to sleep with them and 2) after they told me they did porn, I shrugged and kept the convo flowing. At the end of the day, they’re human and were rather pleasant to be around.

    I would love to see more honest ads on Adam. By this, I mean a spread of ages, body types, ethnic backgrounds and more. I’d love to see black and Latino doctors and lawyers, and not only see black men as “thugs” whose only purpose is to dish out “BBC”.

    Being one of the generously endowed group, I’d love to see the myths about race and dick size exposed a bit. While I know black guys who have 9 inch dicks, I know white guys who pack very nice thick dicks from 8-11 inches and black guys who seriously do not fit the stereotype.

    I would enjoy seeing things showing that older dudes have just as much sex appeal as dudes who are in their early to mid-20s and that not all older dudes are gray-haired, severely overweight and stalking young dudes.

    Adam4Adam is a huge cross section of life in the gay community here in the US and the world. Yeah…maybe the ads should show this cross section more abundantly.

    Life does not equal porn.

  • I hate how true this is… And it’s unfortunate how much I agree with pretty much everything you’ve mentioned.

  • It would be refreshing to see real people for a change. Look at the bad legacy we leave for the younger generation of gay men.

  • I completely agree!!!

  • 6.5? I always thought they were so much larger than that!
    Not all of them are gorgeous men. If they have a monster cock nobody cares what they look like.

  • i’m a bisexual guy. professional porn, all kinds, at times can be enjoyable, though mostly over the top. there is nothing better than seeing REAL people film themselves having sex. the awkwardness of the sex and beauty of the real human bodies is just wonderful

  • Personally, porn does nothing for me. There is a personal and emotional aspect (at least to me) to sex. Probably the most important part if you ask me. Watching two men ejaculate together on camera does not capture those aspects. Not at all! Sex happens nothing like in porn either from my experience. Just my two cents.

  • Porn is about SOME guys fantasies. I’m a big dude and typically get the attention I do because I’m successful and sane. Looks are nice but if you really are a douche all anyone will ever want is to pound away at your rectum a couple of times and move on. Men who are capable of seeing past the spare tire and crows feet are the keepers not the tools who only see you for what you’re not.

  • personally im the main stream porn site like codycumming and men.com but my favorite is BiLatinguys.com since its real Latin guys (straight or not it for you do decide if you believe them – personally i don’t lol) however real guys having sex no touch up, insecure like real meeting between 2 guys who don’t know each other – that’s hot for me.
    yes i can enjoy the main steam porn but honestly im bored by it definitely need amature vid to make me cum

  • I pefer the real thing the bigger the package the better

  • Laurel and Hardy no…but i’d love to see an average dude like the one who fixes my car or some hot UPS guy any day over those smooth fake plastic men in most porn flicks!

  • Passion rules for me; whether it be in real life or in porn. If it’s not passionate it’s boring.

    I am a top (who won’t usually, but will bottom if you can make me passionate enough to want to for you). What get’s me off in and out of bed is seeing, providing, and experiencing passion. During sex I am trying to be passionate, skillful, and authentic enough to spark a fire in you – this in turn fuels my fire and what turns me on eventually leading to my ability to climax. Too often in Porn you see the actors going through motions like robots, some even obviously joking/laughing around like they are at a comedy club. Sorry that’s just not sexy to me.

    I can honestly say that there is not one time that I have ever climaxed while watching porn where I didn’t replace what I was watching with a memory of a life experience I had (Which ultimately is what got me off).

  • I think it is hilarious that leather, stupid tattoos everywhere, shiny orange muscles with shaved off body hair, highlighted hair and sculpted abs and muscles is the epitome of masculine in the gay community. In my opinion, the men who look like that are the stereotype of weakness. Any man who spends excessive amounts of time grooming an appearance that goes against what traditional men really look like is automatically a turn off for me. Yet, so many gay men worship the trendy unmasculine bitches wearing pink paisley jockstraps and think this is somehow manly??

  • I would totally be into watching Laurel and Hardy have sex. Does that make me nobody? Are you kidding? Real = Hot

  • All I know is that all sorts of guys like all sorts of guys. To try and pin it down to one type of HOT is a waste of time. I’m glad that porn has recognized this with all types of porn out there now. There’s porn for everyone now, not like before where it was all one type or nothing. There’s been a progression over time but it has only been in the past decades or so where you’re seeing a lot more different types than before, and this makes me happy. I don’t view porn as reality, because I rarely see guys with my body type in porn. I’m just an average guy. Have never had a six pack or a bubble butt, but I’m me. Now I’m starting to see all sorts of stuff and I like it. It’s just like the world of men, they’re all over the place.

  • As far as i see it Porn vers Real Life, the two can co exist together. Nothing gets the mood going then a hot porn DVD in the background. Being with a guy that really turns you on, can rival any sex scene. The best part is that everyone is having fun…

  • I looked at porn when I was younger, but now I find amateur videos are much more exciting. Especially when the camera is capturing both guys having sex. The close up shots are usually a waste of time. I watched a video of two boyfriends having hot sex in the missionary position. I didn’t see much of their genitals, but it was their passion for each other that got me off. The guys were far from Adonises, yet they were very sexy!

  • porn does not reflect real life. It is a fantasy. I would rather watch two average men making love than watching two porn stars having sex. They are just rubbing organs together whereas the two others are making love. Big difference. Much better when two men rub there bodies together when their minds are rubbing together as well.

  • I thought my comment was in but here we go again. I recently did scenes for a company and changed my perspective regarding porn. Yes you have to create fantasy but have to consider how can you reflect it outside. It’s a exciting job though not an easy one. First you have to keep in mind that other people is in the room and sometimes you will hear a voice saying “cut” and giving suggestion. Enhancements on the scene are given because the duration could run for one or two hours. Yes, it is required to have a physique for matter of marketing for so they are producers that like the real men as we meet in the street as well as the one you can find in a catalog.

  • Porn…Fantasy. A4A…Fantasy…What’s the difference?

  • As J/O material these hot guys work for many of their viewers. But as models for real ordinary men to live up to–as sex partners or for themselves–it’s a road to loneliness and disappointment. We reject and are rejected if others/we don’t measure up to these actors.

    If we could just “use” porn actors as stimulus, and not as role models, it would be a better place.

  • LOL I just thought of a comparable situation.

    As HGTV got more popular with shows like House Hunters, people looking for a home to buy or rent now INSIST that it HAS to have real hardwood floors, granite countertops, double sinks in the master bath, huge walk-in closets, etc. Even in moderately priced properties.

    They’ve been brainwashed just like porn viewers, haven’t they? And the majority of us who have just ordinary homes to sell are openly ridiculed as realtors show our properties. And rejected.

  • Given the inhumanly beautiful — and utterly unattainable — guy in the banner at the top of this page or the column of ever-rotating porn site ads running down the right side, isn’t this entry just a tad hypocritical?

  • I am happy to know that my cock is 1.5 inches bigger than 75% of guys. Most of the ones I suck on and get fucked by are bigger than mine.

    Personally I like it when sex is done and we both or all of us realize that we should have put it on video.

  • You’ve got it right! I much prefer real sex more than anything. Actually i have a fetish for slight “public” stuff…but the real ones…not the fake behind the scenes shit. I really love watching Oral (cock sucking) stuff…yes, i will admit that for about 5/6 years now i have watched and wondered how I would get chiseled abs and shoulders on shoulders muscles…it IS depressing…but now i KNOW how those Stars achieve it. STEROIDS….i have never tried it for myself but i would like to take it for me even though i KNOW i will not look at myself the same anymore if i take it and get results bcuz it wasnt ME who did it…i used a kick to achieve it…i mean im half hearted…it sounds great AND bad…dunno…jist love you the way you are…we are all made differently and remember all those Porn Stars who died to remind us to keep life simple…R.I.P.

  • Porn is okay for rubbing one out, but what makes me really hot is the connection I have with my partner, knowing he loves me and really wants to be with me is the deal! Porn is just a stop gap measure for use like a temporary band aide taking the place of a more permanent solution. My mother has always said “anything in moderation” and if you abuse it you will have trouble with relating to reality. Very few people look like that and if your self esteem is that low then you can get lost in the world of PORN. Try comming up for some air sometime and make a connection with a real man, it is much more fulfilling….

  • Studio produced porn has lost it’s appeal to me. All the men are too perfect. All the cocks are 8 inches or more. There is no reality in that and as far as arousing me with a fantasy, it just has stopped working. When I want to watch porn, I tune into amateur sites and live cams. I especially enjoy the spy cams and am turned on by watching “normal and regular” guys performing oral sex on each other. The sites that have hidden cams in locker rooms are fun to watch, even without any overt sex on the screen. So….A4A..give us more reality in the blogs and jack off materials you publish.

  • Not that I think that a change would be beautiful for the gay community, but I am sceptic. I don’t really see much change at all. For those of us who aren’t the stereotype, we’ve always had to make our own way. It’s sad that those who are accepted never give us the time of day. My solution has always been to not give them the time of day as well. Reality has been pushed to the side for those men, and I look at them with not an ounce of respect…

    Not a lot of comments on this one simply because most guys don’t want to give up their vision of perfect beauty… It’s fine, there are plenty more non white,alpha, muscular guys out there. To be honest, they are the only ones I wanna meet.

  • When I was an 18 yr old in those pre beta/VHS days, gay porn was something that you bought through the mail or at a gay bookstore if you could find one. The models were average looking guys having sex, people you could relate to or types you would really meet in everyday life. They did not have totally perfect bodies like today’s made gay porn.

    When VHS tape was released in the 80’s there was explosion of gay porn. Not only could you buy but you rent the tape if you couldn’t afford to buy. William Higgins was all the rage and these were young smooth guys and were all perfect and the young beauty cycle began. But if you had gone to a backroom or bath house, you would have met average looking guys and others a real different mixture type of guys. No one complained about the lack of “hot” guys.

    There is now a serious body image problem in our society in gay males just like in females due to the high bar in this perfect male image we have set through advertising and porn. Young males have to look like A&F models if they are to considered “attractive”. Look at how many young males on A4A hike their shirt to show their 6 pack as proof of meeting this new demanding high standard.

    The pressure to conform to this impossible image takes its toll on all of us in the gay community. Our interactions online and in real life are based on our perceptions of who is hot and who is not. Guys hide their picture online because they can’t met this gay standard.

    Even in the TV series Will & Grace, this is mentioned by the gay characters as someone is acceptable if they are hot and that excuses every other flaw about them. This is the world that gay men have created for themselves. Porn is just fantasy and guys need to separate fantasy from reality.

    If you go through life thinking you are going to only met or talk someone who meets your fantasy vision, you are going to have a very lonely life.

  • Another down side of gay porn is the fact that most guys you will met the sex will be mediocre by porn standards. This is another fantasy that is perpetuated by gay porn that all sex is super hot and sexually satisfying.

    I can count on one hand the amount of guys I have met in my lifetime which even came anywhere close to a sexual fantasy or had any real sexual ability.

    Another gay porn fantasy!

  • ho hum…porn is so boring…will never replace the real thing

  • This post and the comments are absolutely pathetic. The muscular, hung, white man IS the honest advertising. The institutions revolve around people’s genuine desires, not the other way around. To blame other people for having standards because you, personally, are unwilling or unable to meet them is the most vulgar form of narcissism. If no one wants you, then it’s your own damn responsibility to become desirable, and if you still can’t meet those standards, then you have to be respectful of others’ desires and humbly accept that you do not meet them.

    Not everyone deserves to be loved. The only ones who deserve love are the ones who have something to offer their lover. To think you deserve love just for existing is nothing but solipsistic slave morality.

  • Porn is a warm-up for me. I’ll watch it to get my idle engine going, but after that all I need is the guy i’m with. As for the comments on looks, etc. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” We all have that “something” that makes us just make us go crazy. For some of us it’s tattoos.For others interracial sex is where it is at (that would make a great blog btw– “Attitudes towards Interracial sex/relationships. It is slowly becoming less taboo). For others like myself, a nice, round, smooth bubble butt you could eat out and tongue-fuck until Armaggeddon is all it takes. Everyone is different in ability, personality, talent, and sexual tastes.

  • over the years I have watched a LOT of porn. stories, pictures, and videos. I totally get it is all for fantasy, it is all “made-up” if you will. watching an old Kristen Bjorn video – the men are perfect, the sex is stylized but hot as hell, perfect lighting and filming. something to emulate perhaps, fantasize over, for sure. like the Food Network…all those perfect, mouth-watering fantasy dishes. could I do it in real life? I’d be too exhausted to eat anything, let alone clean the kitchen. Same with porn. you find a variety you like – but I know from experience, making it is NOT a fun fantasy-experience. But taking some tips and techniques into my bedroom has made me a much better lover, and despite being older, hairier, and not in shape, I have never had more guys wanting me – BECAUSE I look the way I do, and put their pleasure first (most of the time- ; )
    Curiously, a recent FWB who was in the biz, and is more the buff/smooth tatted hardbody loves an amateur video I was in – because none of us “look” like porn actors…and it doesn’t do much for me at all. go figure?

Leave a comment

Visit us
Link website adam4adam.com
Follow us
Rate this blog
Best Male Blogs - naked men, gay porn, homo culture, queer blogs

PLU Gay Blogs