2 Mar 2014

Gay Stuff : Love And Money…

Category: Gay Stuff

love-money

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about relationships.  I asked what his new boyfriend did for a living and he told me he was a cashier at the local hardware super center.   I looked kind of surprised and he asked me what I was thinking.  I told him I was a little surprised because he had always been with guys who had a career and not a job.  He laughed and said the guy was going to school finishing up a degree and that he wouldn’t be a cashier for much longer.  I asked him if that really mattered.

He told me it did.  He expected his boyfriend to have a certain job and make a certain income.  Granted most boyfriends don’t come prepackaged this way but in time and with some guidance he could get the boyfriend he needed. 

I thought it was odd and started thinking about my relationship.  My guy is younger than me and actually works a couple jobs.  He is very happy in what he does and has plans to go to school and get a degree at some point. 

I am not the kind of guy who needs my boyfriend to make a certain amount of money or have a certain job title.  As long as he is happy in what he is doing, I am happy.   

I did date a guy many years ago who worked for one of the electronics stores selling DVD’s.  His big day was Tuesday when the new selections came in.  I was ok at first until I realized this is all he wanted to do with his life.  An opportunity came up for him to be manager of the department and he turned it down.  This ambition poured over into his personal time and we didn’t go out for much longer.

So what are you?  Are you the type of guy who dates guys based on their income potential or do you like guys who may not be where you are in life but are having a great time?

 

Thoughts?  Comments?

g skorich

30 comments for Gay Stuff : Love And Money…

  • If a guy is supporting himself, you’re an ass if you expect that what he does for a living has to make you happy.

  • It matters not as long as he can pay his own bills. Now if we are talking about him having a drive in his life to be successful (in whatever he does) it is a different story. I’ll date a guy that have ok job but has a drive to be successful on what he does everyday and take whatever good chances to be more (to his skills and capabilities). Now if he turns it down coz he knows that it is not do-able I can simply understand. But if he turns it down coz of complacency, that is something else

  • It was never my plan but all my exes have been unemployed or barely employed for most of our relationships I never had an issue with it.

  • as long as the other can pay his own bills and has his own money—what’s the problem? sugar daddy i am not. i unlike most guys don’t care about ‘job titles’ you happy, you happy—that’s all that counts! and for those that must have a ‘title’…get over it. ambition is one thing…degrading another for not having the same ambition as you—snobbish!

  • hi guys i have never really been in a relationship before but i thing income and job title shouldnt really matter when it comes to love but keep in mind your companion should also be ambitious as well

  • Guys are at different points in their lives. Some do not want a stressful job or career; others do. I accept where guys are in their lives and support and help — not judge — them.

  • It really does depend on the guy. At my age one would think that you would have some idea of what you want out of life. But there are care free guys who want to be happy within themselves. Money isn’t number one on their lists, so,they may have other talents that can make up for what they lack in motivation. Finding someone who shares your interests can be a challenge, but hey when you do it’s pretty cool.

  • I really don’t care what a guy does for a living as long as he is trying to make it to the top of that job. For example, you can work at McDonalds as long as you are trying to go from fry guy to the headquarters. On a side note….I definitely don’t feel comfortable dating extremely wealthy….being felt like a kept man is soooo lame and tired.

  • Money is not everything in life. It causes more issues in a relationship than anything else

  • I can’t believe people are that shallow. If the guy I’m with is happy in his job and puts in an honest days work then I’m happy with him. I have a decent job and make a comfortable living. I certainly could have chosen a different career which would have netted me more $ than I make now, however, the career I have is important to me and I don’t feel that I’ve settled for less than. I would hope any guy I’m with doesn’t drop me because I could have chosen a higher paying career or because he thinks I’m less than I could have been had I chosen a career that earned me twice or three times what I earn now.

  • I wasn’t employed full-time when I met my partner but he was. His main concern was not for me bringing in an income; he was certain he could support us; (though having a second income would certainly help) his concern was for me: it had taken him so long to get a stable job that he didn’t want me to be drifting from one odd job to another. My only regret (he passed recently) is that once I had a career it didn’t give me as much time to spend with him. But we got as much as we could out of the time we had together, as I think any couple should.

  • It doesn’t matter as long as my partner is working and we are both happy and making nothing else should matter. Love and companionship and happiness is worth more than any money

  • I’ve been married to a man & we were in love with an empty house, on living on a very limited budget (donated furniture, care packages from family, food stamps). BUT we were in love n happy struggling just us against the world. 4 Years later, I worked for Amtrak, he had his Realtors Liscense, 2 cars, joint bank accounts, paid vacations. But the drive to make the money started to weaken the love. He wound up cheating, I caught an assault charge for beating the brakes off the guy, beat the charge n the marriage was over. So Ive been happy n broke n miserable with money. Ive decided that I’ll make my money n stay single n just date. It dosent matter what the next guy has as long as Im making myself happy first.

  • Its not about the income or the title – its more about who they are as a person. Its hard to be with someone who has no goals, sense of purpose or passion for life. Often times those traits translate into well paying jobs, but not always. I personally find its hard to respect a guy who is content with working at taco bell part time – especially when he is capable of so much more.

  • Money shouldn’t be an issue, but it is a leading cause of breakups.

    His money management becomes your business once you’re about to move in together, and if you don’t know each other well enough to discuss it comfortably and honestly, you don’t know each other well enough to move in.

    If he won’t show you the books, run.
    If he won’t agree to a financial plan that is fair and non-exploitave to you both, run.
    If he can’t take care of the present while planning for the future, run.
    If he wants you to co-sign for him, say ‘no’ and see if he runs.

    And if he says that you don’t make enough money or have enough ambition to be with him, run.

  • I’ve been dumped as a long time fwb because I didn’t have enough $$$ to show him the good times and travel he expected from me but I take care of myself enjoy my job and am good at it so i’m happy with that would love to make more $$$ of course.but not gonna throw away 19 years for a guy who may or not be around tomorrow.Dean

  • I’d been married (yes, she was a professional/academic, though we were both students (and working) when we got married.
    As to a partner/relationship or whatever.. For me, it doesn’t matter what he does, as long as he’s OK with it. Job titles are irrelevant. It is important that he be, basically, self sufficient, although being between jobs isn’t a problem. for me, if there’s a click between us, it’s good.

  • Depends on the boyfriend……….hypothetically speaking:

    You have a boyfriend that earns $9.50/hr, whereas you earn $60,000/ a year.

    Your boyfriend is happy at his job but there is no drive. You have worked your ass off to put yourself through school, and grad school to get where you are at today and you are proud of your accomplishments.

    You maintain an excellent credit rating whereas the boyfriend doesn’t really care.

    Then the couple agrees to pay 50-50 for everything and anything. Yeah…..the inequality in pay won’t work in this scenario.

    Personally, myself, if the man is happy with his pay, his job, more power to him. But if his credit is lousy, and there is no drive, what makes you think he is going to be a good spouse?

    I am not going to marry a guy that has lousy credit so that he can bring my score down plus once you marry the guy, you are responsible for his credit as well.

    You can tell a lot about a guy on how he approaches his finances.

  • As long as he can support himself, and I could support myself, just in case something unforseen happened either one of us could go on. I would never want a man that doesnt work,or have some other income,

  • I myself am a very driven person, so my expectations for myself are high.Therefore, i have high expectations for whom I’m dating.If they have a drive and a passion, then the relationship will have drive and passion.

  • I’m dealing with this myself. I work as a meatcutter at a supermarket, and while I support myself and enjoy my job, a lot of these queens will look down on me as not “good enough” for them. To that I say fuck ‘em. I’m not materialistic and a guy like that would get on my nerves anyway.

  • When it comes to issues of money, every couple needs to communicate their concerns, money philosophies and the such. Personally, I am not opposed to dating a guy who makes less than me. If he was doing good enough financially before he met you, he will be just fine.

  • As long as he doesn’t look down at me for my career! As long as he doesn’t hold me back from my career and has long as he has his own career. If those 3 key points are understood and respected than we are A ok. Life gets tough sometimes and even the unemployed guys have maybe had it all at one point. It doesn’t mean they won’t have it again. As long as they have a drive to regroup and get back on top then I think it’s even better that they went through such a situation. It builds character and teaches one to truly appreciate what you have when you eventually get there again. what I do watch out for is guys that depressed about money and careers. Many men have been unemployed so long and it really hurts their ego. It’s hard to get in a good mindset when life’s always dealing you a bad hand. As a boyfriend it’s hard to be there for someone during that time. Ultimately if they decide that they can’t handle the relationship and their situation then I am understanding of that and would prefer to end it.

  • My partner of 15 years had job that paid a modest salary, but came with many perks. Free housing(7room house), paid utilities, a great pension plan, and medical coverage for us both as early as the 1990′s. I owned businesses and made good profits, but we were spenders. We ate out many nights a week at fairly costly restaurants, we were always ready to pick up the tab with friends, and we traveled the world. Early on he had a small inheritance and he declared himself debt free. A few times I had opportunities to improve my income, but my job could allow me to earn money anywhere. His job carried an importance to whatever community he worked in. Part of his amazing skills was seeking out problems and being a grass roots organizer for non profit organizations. I often volunteer huge amounts of time and energy to help major projects he was working on for near 15 years.

    His organizations were brilliantly set up to survive, drawing funding, gov&corp grants, member of board of directors, and volunteers from many sources. Higher paying jobs awaited his expertise and he interviewed all over the country. As his visible life partner I was often invited by search committees that had community outreach funds to travel with him since they had their own unofficial interviews for me and a housing allowance was often in job negotiations, so explore possible housing for us.

    I sacrificed expanding my business and career in NYC because his potential was very evident, and his work was meaningful to those unfortunates that really needed help. If he was called to a position we would have to move within 3 to 4 weeks. He interviewed in at least a dozen places all over the country. He always was among the last 2 or 3 considered for jobs that had over 100 qualified applicants.

    I had some savings and inheritance and we invested in Real Estate down south for our retirement…. a few days before purchasing a rental property with my money, which I truly considered “our” money he informed he had again built up debt…. $75,000 worth of it in 10 years. Well, his name still went jointly on the property and I figured the $75,000 really was our debt. You live and you learn. Our properties were survivors of a woman named Katrina. They were still doing well for a time. Then problems started as a gentrifying neighborhood reverted to being crackhead city.

    I felt in my gut out of nowhere the week he met someone else. In the few hours he spent with a trick basically he was so struck by him he tossed 15 years of our relationship in the trash. I teetered on the verge of a nervous breakdown further fueled by his unwillingness to talk about it. I was shocked and bewildered as he tried to transfer all guilt on me. He told people it was an amicable seperation….I told people the real truth. We split as I would have gone crazy.

    So within 6 months it didn’t work out for him and the homewrecker… and I was willing to salvage our family, but needed time to gain trust in him. Of course he felt I should just pick up and move back in immediately.

    He found his better job right here in NYC, it comes with a 6 figure salary as well as a $40,000 housing allowance. He also found another partner within a few months.

    I did eventually meet a handsome young man and we lifted each other out of a dark period we both had experienced. We fell in love. He began to slip backwards into depression and hung himself a month before his 36th birthday. I struggled, an pushed and clawed my way to not fall into it as well after his death and managed deal with it after a year of grieving.

    I spent 3 years now physically unable to work and now on SSD benefits. My monthy check doesn’t even cover the rent on my apartment. I lost our properties to foreclosure, and spent my inheritance, savings, retirement funds just on surviving. Now all I have is $844 monthly of SSD benefits, I do get Medicare and await Medicaid approval for 6 months now. I have low income drug coverage for over $2000 in meds monthly (thank God), but there seems to be no available rental assistance from any sources available on the NJ side of the Hudson River. Denied for food stamps, but I get $14 monthly towards electric bill.

    I just became 3 months in arrears on my rent and expect an eviction notice any day now…

    When together for 15 years we rarely ever spent a night apart and if we did it was because of emergency family illness or something of that sort.

    Concluding, no matter how stable your relationship seems and what 2 have shared, amassed, lost, experienced… a level of closeness, dedication, loyalty and trust should be the glue that makes you become a family. AND Yes, unfortunately money can stress all of this as well as many other factors.

    I don’t know what happens now. My ex hasn’t even once contacted me in 4 years now.I find strength but I don’t know from where, BUT A SACK OF MONEY WOULD EASE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!

  • I prefer my guy to be going somewhere with his life. I also prefer someone with at least a college degree because education is important to me.

  • Geez, I wish I could find someone who makes as much as I do. But I’m a romantic and end up dating nice guys without a pot to piss in. I’d like to think it doesn’t matter, but it does, because it is often a reflection of different expectations and desires out of life.

    I also find it funny that people who might turn down someone because he was too old, too fat, didn’t where the right clothes or have a big enough dick might call someone like myself who is concerned about a prospect’s practical finances “shallow”. But to each their own I guess .

  • Well after reading some of the comments, I am puzzle about my on situation, I have a nice job, three vehicle a sports car, a nice sunday go to the meeting car and a truck for work, my own apartment, dress nicely attend high function activity, active in church and yet I same to pick up guy from the bottom of the barrel, have no job,always looking for a hand out, want to be pay for sex, so I decided to be alone for a while and hopefully someone comes along to buy me dinner, or pay my way to the movies, or help with the cost of vacation, oh well maybe asking to much.

  • I’m a working man and will date another working man.

    I will not date a deadbeat gold-digger looking for a sugar daddy. These wastes on society can go die and rot for all I care.

    I also won’t date any wealthy elitist trustfund douchebags.

  • @All – thanks for all the great comments. its too bad for some people, guys don’t walk around with dollar signs on their heads. the more dollar signs the more attracted they are to them. Take guys as they come, someone is always going to make more than the other, work it out.

    @Brad – nothing wrong with what you do. I bet you cut a fine piece of meat.

  • There is No Free Lunch in this world. We pay for what we want and what we love, One way or another. Its just nice when they love us back.
    I never blame anyone who trys the best they can

    I do not like lazy people

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