24 Mar 2014

Speak Out : Rejection On Dating Sites

Category: Gay Stuff : Speak Out

Rejection is something we deal with every day.  What we need to do is learn to deal with it and not take it so personally. 

Let’s say you are cruising on line and you come across Mr. Right Now.  You read his profile and it’s like he was looking for you all this time.  You read more and are sure he is talking about you.  You send him an email and wait, very sure he will read your profile and get back to you.  You wait and wait and wait. 

Finally you see he has looked at your profile, read your email and still hasn’t responded.  You wait a little while longer until you see he has deleted your email.

Now, obviously this guy wants nothing to do with you.  You take this personally, tell yourself this site sucks, all the men are losers, blah blah blah.

Natural reaction but not the only one.  It is us who puts the personal touch to these emails.  To the other person it is just an email from a stranger looking for something.  To us it’s an invitation to meet up with a really great guy (you).  Don’t take the rejection personally.

There could be any number of reasons why this guy didn’t respond but it’s not your job to figure out why.  Move on to the next one and see what happens.  You never know, you could be sitting there one day looking around and the same guy might send you an email saying hello.  Should you bring up that you sent him one earlier and he deleted it?  Probably not, a lot of guys don’t take this on line thing very seriously.

Remember, rejection happens every day, we reject and we get rejected.  Try not to take it too seriously and personally when it comes to online dating/sex sites.  Not everyone is looking for the same thing at the same time.

Thoughts?  Comments?

g skorich

111 comments for Speak Out : Rejection On Dating Sites

  • I don’t understand the people who get all worked up about being rejected.

    I have been rejected MANY times. Yes, there’s a brief sting, but in the case of A4A, it’s not like I even know the guy beyond a couple of photos and 500 characters or less.

  • Eh, most guys standards keep them from achieving long term happiness. Who’s the real loser then?

  • Being rejected isn’t a bad thing, if done like an adult. Most of these people find it neccesary to be rude and crude if they do respond, so I prefer the non responders, no big deal that way, for me anyway.

  • As far as A4A goes I think there’d be a lot more acceptance and a lot less rejection if people were more word specific in the construction of their profiles.
    I stopped messaging members on here only 3 months after my sign up because I found that the vast majority of members have many preferences that they don’t bother to list.
    And that’s critical information for everyone else that’s not put out there !

    I’m from a very small but very multi-racial location. Unless 98% of members listed in my location have disabled their location/view status no one even looks at me that I know of. But if you pull up 98% of the profiles there’s no mention of age or race preferences.
    They do all like to tell you how wonderful they are and how much they like though .

    So A4A members , if you’ve got preferences and you prefer not older than ‘n’ or don’t date outside your race or are open to all then please help eliminate ‘rejection’ and be word specific in the construction of your profile.

  • It happens because guys are finicky assholes. I have so been in this position and then it really hurts when the guy isn’t all that hot and I am like whatever loser but it still hurts.

  • HOW CAN IT BE REJECTION IF YOU’VE NEVER MET FACE-TO-FACE???

  • Rejection is a bitch, and it’s very hurtful, but agreed, we do it to other guys as much as it’s done to us. A match up is almost, in a sense, less complex than trying to match up a Rubix Cube. It’s daunting, it’s insane, it’s even hurtful, but we either play the game and take a chance–maybe we’ll luck out, or keep ourselves off the sites and take up knitting. Even gorgeous men get rejected, so if you’re willing to put yourself out there, then you have to be willing to accept that we’re not everyone’s type, even as hurtful as that may be. Gotta man up.

  • Rejection is ok. But it does not dismiss the fact of how rude it is to ignore people. The other person should atleast reply “Not interested” or “not my type” its highly rude to completely ignore people.

  • Well I myself have this issue but it happens everyday! So yes as well I often feel there’s nothing good to come from this site. I try to move on and try again but as often as this happens it is definitely hard to ignore. I mean yes at the same time I’m not out, my pics are locked, and I am stockier. But I also feel I’m worth getting to know. But never am given the chance. Also the other big problem is all the flakes. Many times as well I have started chatting with guys and it seems to go well and we talk about hanging and having fun but after a while and several messages about what kind of fun be nice to have they slowly quit responding. So in some instances it gets to the point where you can’t help but to take it personal and feel there can’t be anyone out there that will give me the time of day. Often I ask myself why I waste my time with this site but let it keep me sucked in. Hopefully soon I can be proven wrong but I won’t hold my breath and will believe it when it happens!

  • It happens all the time. Funniest rejection I received was from a guy I just sent a casual hello to. He responded back that he did not talk to people who wore douchey red Ed Hardy brand shirts, and then he blocked me. I just had to laugh. What else could I do?

  • My thoughts/comments? NEXT!!
    No harm, no foul

  • I reply to every email regardless. It’s just common courtesy.

  • I agree with you about should not take it so personal when get rejection. One time I reject a guy because we have nothing in common, and he send me a message about how my cock look diseased, etc. I never respond back to him, and blocked him. The funny thing is that he still keep on look at my profile every day. For someone who insult me, he sure is obsession about me.

    I wish A4A have a feature that would prevent a guy to look at our profile if we block him.

  • I get it when it comes to rejection but we are all human and we all have minutes. im not sooo much mad about the rejection its more that us humans long for closure and we want a reason. the question is … WHY! why didnt u respond. why did you dissapear? why did u stop mid convo? Sure its easy just to say “just forget it”, but its the pileup of guys u message that want some1 that describes you and then they dont reply to yor email. your left wandering, “ummm what was the deal breaker”. all we long is for closure and some people go insane by not recieving that closure.

  • I agree with OP. it’s too much dick in the world to obsess over the one that got away.

  • get a fucking life!
    its not rejection just no without a smile
    no is ok even if its not covered in sugar
    damn why do we expect everyone to fall at our feet
    expectations are only in your mind not on anothers!!
    if someone says hello i woe them nothing
    if i say thanks ok if not ok too!
    it is a come fuck me site and its not always going to he a perfect fit

  • I see when they read the e-mail and if I get no reply after 5 min, I delete the e-mail and move on.

  • This post is so right-on-the-money!

    Right here on A4A, there was this dude (nameless to protect the guilty) who always chatted me up until he saw my private pics, then seemed to get lost. I used to re-lock my pics from time to time, and it would repeat again — he’d approach me (send a smile, what not), I’d unlock, and he’d disappear.

    Eventually, I added him to my list of people to automatically re-unlock when I re-lock for all … and lo and behold some months later, he hits me up… we meet… and while he’s a nice enough guy, he is brain-dead from drug use (my diagnosis, not professional) and wanted to BB me! Even after being told I don’t take BB cock PERIOD, he went on and on about his neg test results and bragging about all the guys he’s topped BB.

    End result: now it’s my turn to respond to his messages and rebuff HIS advances for another meeting. (I’m not interested in BB sex with a stranger… PERIOD!)

    That “hot guy” neglecting you online may not be the dream date you’re imagining him to be… don’t waste your emotional energy on him… just move on and find something even better around the next corner!

    Chip in Tampa Bay

  • a lot of guys on these sites would do themselves a favor if they stoppled lying. i get lots of messages from guys who obviously have outdated pics and descriptions of their bodies which are polar opposite reality. i’m much more tempted to be rude to them than guys who aren’t lying but simply not my type.

  • Ok, let’s be clear on something. Yes a lot of guys do go overboard in how they respond to rejection. But if a guy takes time sends someone a message that the other guy either just ignores or deletes and that same guy comes back around now sending a message, there is nothing wrong with politely sending that guy on his way and politely letting him know he already personally sent you a signal that the two of you aren’t a match. Now if he was too busy to read your initial message that’s one thing and most guys are man enough to tell you that. But knowingly ignoring you and deleting your message is not the same thing. That’s being an ass and his being horny for you next time around doesn’t mean you turn into some spineless doormat. You don’t have to be as rude as he was, but hell no to rewarding and enabling his bad manners just because he deemed fit to pay attention to you because he’s not getting play from those same dudes he chose over you. You teach people how to treat you, and when you sit back and give a dude play after his prior blatant bad behavior you’re telling him you’re easy mark with no self esteem who will let him get away with anything. Sorry but if you delete a message from me, I am man enough to get the message that I’m being rejected but don’t expect to be rewarded with that bad behavior down the road by thinking I’m going to still be interested in you and ignore that you showed yourself to be an ass. It doesn’t work that way. Just like you want that guy to man up and except that you weren’t interested, you need to man up and except that your behavior has consequences. If you sit back and burn your bridges, don’t act shocked that you have no path back across. Let’s not taint a valid point that some don’t know how to handle rejection by confusing not allowing yourself to be some random dude’s doormat with taking the online experience to seriously. It’s always amusing when guys want to have a pass on bad behavior and even get rewarded for it just because initial communications are occurring online or because it’s just a hookup.

  • Most are simply hookup sites and there are tons of losers just looking at pics to get their jollies. And others are just too self absorbed to give a thanks but not interested reply but some of those same jerks rant about time wasters while being one themselves. IF someone views my profile but does not contact me no big deal. If I look at someone who seems to be a match it is great to get a reply even if it’s no thanks. Just do not take yourself too seriously and it will be OK.

  • Although I do not like rejection, I care even less for being ignored. All I ask is that I get a reply saying “not interested” or something somewhat polite instead of getting no return message.
    I have tried to do that on every contact, and would hope to get it in return.

  • I treat people as I would like to be treated: With dignity, respect and appreciation. I think a simple “No, but thank you” goes a long way.

  • I have clearly stated on my profile if not interested just let me know we can’t help what were attacked too.We our all suppose to be adults with manners the only thing that makes me mad is talking to someone and they don’t have curtsy to say sorry not interested and block you for know reason.Just because your at your computer their a person on the other end be respectful. Thank You Roy

  • I hate guys who do that. I’m perfectly fine if your not interested in me… But it’s polite to respond and say so.its not that hard to say so, though a crapton of guys decide that no response means they’re not interested. But hey, that’s just my opinion. I personally respond to everyone, regardless of intrest, UNLESS they’ve messed me multiple times and I’ve said no.

  • So true yet it’s a form of manners to at least say to the other in a polite way that you are not interested you can come up with your own reply that should be not offensive in any way
    Gay guys can be very cruel with online searching in he answers

  • if you’re over 30 doesn’t take a genius to figure why he dissed you. apparently some guys think they will stat in the 18-30 age group forever. got news for you you will pass that 30 milestone before you know it. OLDER GUYS DO IT BETTER, GIVE US A TRY. WE HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE!

  • It world seem that the gay world is a rather fickle one. Things are hard already but honestly; if you aren’t white, young and thin it only becomes harder. We are already marginalized, why do we do this to ourselves? People should know the difference between preference and prejudice.

  • A simple “Thanks, but not interested” goes a long way.

  • It took everything in me not post screennames on this comment. The one thing I will add is this: if what you are doing isn’t working and you don’t like the results, change your approach! Not everyone likes the offer of a blowjob in the first message! I try and be courteous and reply to everyone’s messages in some way but there are times I just think, “Wow… How do I tactfully respond to that!?!” Clarity and honesty is the key.

  • I totally agree with your outlook on rejection – I’m 55, and have moved past taking rejection personally – of course, in my 20′s and 30′s, things were different . There were no hook-up sights, or internet for that matter. We went to clubs to meet people. If I met someone and had sex, then did not hear back from them, I was devastated. After years of this agony, I was able to put it all in perspective and just enjoy myself, and not expect more. If it happened, that was a bonus!

  • I find there are four major reasons why guys don’t respond on hook-up sites like a4a:

    First, he never wanted to meet anyone in person, probably because part or all of his profile is a lie.

    Second, he looked at your profile, decided he didn’t want to fuck you, and therefore was not interested in anything you had to say, even if it was just to pay him a compliment about a picture or something he wrote.

    Third, you don’t meet some criterion that he might not have listed in his profile, so you’ll never find out why he didn’t respond.

    Fourth, even though his profile says “open relationship,” his boyfriend/partner/husband doesn’t know the relationship is open.

    I think this covers 99% of the people who don’t respond. As for the remaining 1%, it could just be that they don’t have the balls to tell you they’re not interested.

    So I just focus on the guys who respond, and make sure that I am polite to everyone.

  • Two quick thoughts:

    1. In reasonably broad strokes, everyone’s profile should spell out what they are looking for and from whom. That will help limit the number of messages from guys that fall well outside of those criteria. If you are too lazy to do that and maintain a mostly blank profile, save the pissy messages to everyone that you think has no business trying to contact someone like you.

    2. If someone meeting the basic criteria you have set out sends you a polite message, you should reply, even if it is only to politely decline. It doesn’t matter that it’s “only” an online interaction, there’s no excuse (save truly being inundated with messages) for failing to at least acknowledge a communication that was not offensive or overly presumptuous. It is far more rude to ignore a message than to tell someone (without being a dick about it) that you are not interested.

  • The problem is too many guys put too much pressure on themselves when it comes to love or sex. Enjoy the sites but when it comes to love…..thats gonna take a while
    sex…..usually quicker
    plenty of nice guys on here…make a friend or 2

  • When are people gonna get everyone has their types and this is a hookup site not eharmony. I get messages from people I’m not interested in and I’m sure I’ve email afew that I wasn’t what they were looking for, if I don’t get a response I’m not gonna cry in a corner and pick myself apart. Go jerkoff and keep it moving.

  • As often is the case with blogs here, the real problem is “Let’s say you are cruising on line and you come across Mr. Right Now.”

    “You” are looking for the quick hit; instant satisfaction; it’s all about “*ME*”.

    How often do you really think that’s going to work?

    If you are AGAIN down to Mr. Right Now, you really need to ask yourself “why?” How arrogant, self-absorbed, and self-centered are you being that the legions of guys you’ve “conquested” in the past won’t even hook up with you when you need “servicing”? All guys need and want to orgasm. It’s what we’re all about. If you have turned off numbers of guys who won’t even do a “get ‘er done” with you, what does that say about how you have related to them?

    When you do actually “get ‘er done” with another guy, suck it up and hang around long enough to get to know him. A couple of questions like “how long have you been in town”? or “what do you do for work?” will do it. Specific enought, but not to specific if they really don’t want to reveal highly personal details. Invest some time in your and his future. This usually means little more than being a gentleman, instead of being an ass (Arrogant, Self-absorbed, and Self-centered).

  • I learned that you’re not gonna be everyones type and they’re not gonna be yours either. Just dont be hateful about it. And besides, there’s plenty of other cuts of meat to choose from.

  • my pet peeve is when i reject someone they get pissed off….so childish. i could care less if i get rejected or not, all part of the games on these sites. and o’lord—if some of these guys that claim to be “GL”—look in a
    non-broken mirror before making that statement!!! good to have vanity—but most are to the extreme.

  • You hit the nail right on the head. Well said.

  • People need not take this personally.For instance…. I won’t respond to anyone who is Negro. Not because we aren’t looking for similar things, but because I simply don’t like black people. I mean… They can come do chores for me like clean, cook, do my laundry and yard work for free, but that’s it. So… Again, nothing personal- just a mater of race.

  • While I agree with not taking rejection personally, I disagree with someone NOT responding to a message that I have sent. In the time it takes for you to open my message, read it & even check out my profile, the VERY LEAST you can do is respond back-even if you aren’t interested in meeting &/or chatting. To just not respond when somebody has mustered up the courage to send a message expressing interest is incredibly rude & inconsiderate. It’s very hard to date, meeting & getting to know somebody new. Lack of communication should not add insult to injury.

  • And to piggyback on my previous comment, if I’ve been talking to this person & we agreed to meet up or he asks me to give him a call or send him a text & he doesn’t respond…but I see that he’s online “looking for right now” or he’s on another site looking for whatever & he’s posting Facebook updates…that SERIOUSLY pisses me off. You know I’m texting you & trying to get in contact with you so you’re not dead nor have you been kidnapped; you’re chatting online & updating Facebook statuses & even responding to comments made, so your fingers aren’t broken nor have you developed aphasia…so what’s up with the lack of consideration & shadiness?? I don’tuunderstand that at all. It boggles my mind how rude guys can be…yet once you show them how irate you are because of they’re not getting in contact with you, you are instantly labeled as “crazy” or “thirsty”. No. Not the case. YOU just don’t have any respect for other people’s time & their wanting to meet. And the fact that they can’t understand that & can’t even apologize for that lets me FURTHER know what kind of man they are. I have no tolerance for grown-assed men who have no sense of communication or aren’t conscientious of other folks’ time.

  • Yes, I agree that not e eryone is looking for whatever you are selling but the nastiness that some young guys put on their profiles are just uncalled for. I have had an exchange with a 20 year old on A4A who I really had no interest in. The only reason I messaged him was because my friends who did have an interest were horrifically insulted by this punk. There is really no excuse for being a prick. Just politely decline and move on. As I told that youngster, beauty is only skin deep and someday he will learn that if he lives long enough.

  • I agree with what you are saying, but what about when you see someone that looks nice, you say hi. You wait, and when you check again, he has BLOCKED you??
    That shit is ridiculous!! a polite no thank you is sufficient, wouldn’t you say?

  • This is a shopping for sex site. It’s like a store, at first you may think that a particular shirt looks good and then on second thought, you put it back on the shelf. No one should ever take it personally when a hottie doesn’t get back to you.

  • I won’t respond to a message if the guy obviously hasn’t read my profile. One major indication is if he doesn’t have a pic; my profile states that anyone who contacts me must have a pic. Otherwise, I at least will respond with a “hi” back even if I’m not interested in meeting.

  • Wait a minute. We are people, and when we are having interpersonal communications, it is impossible to not take them personally. I try to say sorry no thank you, and believe me I get a lot of emails. Unless you like living a life where ‘you don’t take anything seriously’ what good is acting like a robot with people when you are online? When I see that guys are like that, it strikes me as extremely effeminate and queeny for some reason. Guys shouldn’t be treating each other like that.

  • I’m constantly, for whatever reason, rejected on dating sites. I have no idea why. I’ll send a message and never get one back. Ever. I don’t understand. I don’t sound crazy or odd in my info. Just honest.

    I dunno, I’m always scratching my head. *shrug*

  • Thank you for stating the obvious course of action… I’m not sure why we are discussing this? lol

  • Great artical, on Adam I have a dick pic as my primary and my face&body pics in my privates. guys send me the nastiest messages when they see I’ve looked at there profile and didn’t respond to there email. I find it funny in there first email they want to XYZ with me the I’m a every MF cause I’m not interested haha losers

  • I’ve been rejected many times, no sweat off of my back. Other times I have rejected others with mixed results. My favorites are those who turn the entire situation around to make it as if they are rejecting me when they initiated the conversation.

  • The last paragraph sums it up after many of my years of my on personal rejection in person or on one of the sites. I was in New Orleans this past weekend and came across a guy I met early in my gay life that I was extreamely attracted to, but have never hooked up with until last night. We had never been together up until then and in our conversation he told me that he was indeed attracted and was drawn to my kind disposition and sweetness, but the timing had never been right for us to hook up. Not trying to toot my own horn, but all the times I have thought of him was totally in the negitive for sure. I felt so good at him saying that and it may be just a matter of timing and me beating myself up about it long ago was for nothing. I think I am hard wired for negative, I should be more inclined to not take this rejection too personal and holding on to this rejection for long periods of time. Very self distructive.

  • Ignoring messages is mad rude. The reason the message was ignored doesn’t really matter; If i take the time to send you a message and put myself out there, the least a guy can do is say “thanks but no thanks”. It takes like, 2 seconds. I always try my very best to get back to anybody that messages me. People always say that “it’s just the internet” and that we shouldnt take rejection so seriously, but that doesn’t really hold up anymore as our online presence becomes more integral to our everyday lives. If this is our only connection to other gay guys that we might want to fuck, flirt, or even just befriend, then this becomes “real life”. And real or not, people still have feelings and deserve respect, whether you’re interacting with them online or irl. Its a real shame that most gays are so shallow, self-centered, disgusting, and stupid, that they not only engage in this deplorable act, but feel the need to defend it, as if it’s cool to be a dismissive ass.

  • I brush of rejection easily. IF they’re not interested I say it’s their loss not mine. I know my worth and I have the confidence to move right along and besides you have nothing to lose it’s not like time invested in the person. You can’t expect that everyone will like you and your pic. Dating sites is 2 dimensional, all you see is a pic, you don’t see beneath that. That’s why the old fashion meeting is the way to go because that person who you might not of thought is your type could be because you’ll find something that attracts you to him.

  • Well the area I live in i think race plays a huge part in the in the rejection. Bulk just does not seem to be in in fl. But i can easily talk to 50 people and not get one response. i have done that time after time but i wont give up i do want love ya know

  • My problem with online hook up sites is the rudeness, it takes nothing to say, not interested rather than view my profile, read my message and not respond, is common courtesy dead?

  • yes and that’s the key. we all get rejected at some point
    but like I said . I move to the next one. lol

  • I agree with everything you said….however as a shrink…I think there is a right way and a wrong way to reject someone. It would be so much nicer to simply say…Thanks not interested at this time….or I’m looking for something else. How long does it take to simply be kind and save someone from having his feelings hurt?

  • I only reject people who obviously didn’t read my profile and would send me nude faceless pics…at the same time I guess people are expecting ME to to be the one asking for a hook up just by sending an email to start a conversation….despite the fact it’s a sexually active community I find it rude that most people confuse a friendly “hello” with “are we gonna fuck or what?”

  • The rejection part is something that bothers me. It is the spam or fake profiles from Nigeria saying they are some where near you that annoy me.

  • Great article! Perhaps I am just too nice of a guy. If a guy writes me and I am not interested. Out of common courtesy, I do at least acknowledge his email and simply let him know we are not a good match. I figure this guy took the time to check out my profile and send me an email – so I at least owe him a response. No harm in saying, “Thank you, but not interested”.

  • Rejection could be a good thing. Maybe you’re not the trash that he’s use to. In other words maybe you’ve intimidated him. Maybe he did you a favor by helping you dodge a bullet. Always remember that you can’t miss something that you’ve never had. And if you know your self worth. The loss is his .

  • Guys who look at a message and cannot be bothered to say “not interested” are slime. The guys who say in their profiles that if they do not respond they are not interested are just arrogant A-holes. Have some decorum and respond. A4A should have a “not interested” button a guy could click on to let another guy know where he stands. Some gay men are rude and narcissistic.

  • Most times its not rejection as much as the guy who messages just doesn’t read the profile and see hes not a match for what the profile says his profile must match. its sad that so many on here either are in some sort of denial, or either outright illiterate. if your profile doesn’t match someone you should not message them its that simple!

  • if you get rejected you say OHH WELL! NEXT! nothing to get your panties in a bunch about. on top of that its the internet…people do and say what they want on the net

  • (Yawn!) Running out of topics that could be interesting? Resign! Fresh ideas ARE welcomed! Played out tunes and patronizing tones aren’t. We want to be entertained. Real bloggers, step to the front of the line. No fakes or wanna-be’s.

  • While what you write is valid (and the exact situation happened to me just last week), there’s another issue at play other than rejection: courtesy. The guys who write, “If I don’t respond, consider that my ‘thank you’ for your message,” is nothing more than a cowardly cop-out on their part. If you went up to the same guy in a bar, would he just look at you or walk away without saying a word if you tried to engage him and he wasn’t interested? No. I know it won’t change the way internet cruising/dating happens, but it’s still a sign of the times that people just don’t give a damn about anyone else.

  • I think it’s rude not to respond. We’re all grown men so just tell me no thank you . Treat your profile the way you would me if I were talking to you face to face

  • I think a little more courtesy when online especially from the guys out there that make rude comments instead of just saying they are not interested…would be much more appealing…also there should be software that blocks pictures that are hella old …because some of the guys on adam have had the same old ass pictures for several YEARS, step into reality and get some current pix, just cuz u had a six pack 5 years ago doesnt really tell me how u look now….

  • That situation annoys me but I don’t get angry. Passivity is unattractive so I just move on. The only reason I won’t respond to you is if I’ve already told you I’m not interested. I keep it cordial. I never specify a reason even if you ask. I don’t typically like larger guys but I’m never gonna say, “I’m not interested cause you couldn’t fit through a standard set of French doors.” Rudeness is unattractive.

  • I wish most guys on here would have the integrity to tell you they’re not interested instead of reading your profile and not responding. I can deal with being rejected but I tell guys it takes a real man to tell someone if they’re interested or not instead of completely ignoring them.

  • The best comment I’ve read: “how can it be rejection if you’ve never met face to face?” Exactly. How can anyone “take personally” digital interaction with a person whom he has never met? Do people need be reminded that the person behind the profile may or may not even be how/who is represented?

    If one doesn’t get the reply he was hoping for or expected, go on to the next…right? Of course. Look in the top left of the screen where it shows how many are online at one time. Yeah, there are hundreds of thousands of guys online at one time. Forget it, move on. Save the emotions for real life.

  • I don’t take it personally at all, I’m aware that I can expect anything online, I’m actually dealing with strangers cuz I’m one too so I just go with the flow. Sweet and simple :-)

  • Yes it shouldn’t get taken personally but look at it this way. If you said hi to someone face to face and they ignored you wouldn’t you take that personally. In this Personal Electronic World we live in now we have created people that do not understand or follow simple interpersonal skills. Progeny prefer rather to hide behind a computer screen and be rude.

  • “All men are losers”?

    No one said you had to try them all, you whore. LOL

    Sorry, had to say that. But to be serious for a minute, rejection isn’t fun. It’s natural, and happens on a daily basis, yes, but why are some men so passive-aggressive about it? Can’t they just say “thanks but no thanks”? And generally there isn’t any harm in meeting someone new, and seeing where it goes. You could have a really good friend, or a business connection, or the unexpected love of your life. There’s also the chance you pick up a real creep, but you won’t know until you risk it. After all, life without risk is no life at all. Just be accountable, be safe, and if it doesn’t work out, accept it and move on. Would you rather NOT know?

  • AryanBoy….do you think the comment you made is necessary, appropriate (let alone relevant)?? Because I don’t. And this is coming from a “Negro” who DOESN’T work for free. What a completely disgusting & ignorant thing to say. If you were attempting to be funny, you should cease from making cracks as such.

  • Too many guys are players, they led you on and have no intentions of meeting up. If it works fine, if you are not interested be upfront and say I am not looking.Try not to take the rejection personally, it happens all the time. Some guys have no concern for others and little respect. Lets just be happy.

  • I have heard too many stories (or seen too many tv shows) where 2 people do not meet because they both did not push the envelope and reach out just a little harder to get what they wanted, so, rejection because of an e-mail communication to me just makes me want to contact that person again more than ever. If one is really not interested instead of just forgetting about the e-mail a courtesy reply stating why the rejection is happening is much better than no contact at all. What if the person accidentally deleted the e-mail? Then maybe one was meant to be contacted by such person but if they no longer have a way of reaching you…hopefully you get the point. I have to learn that sometimes not knowing about someones reason for rejecting you may be Gods way of protecting you from someone you really do not need to meet in the first place. (at least this reasoning makes things seem easier for me to handle).

  • A few times, a guy has looked at my ad first, when I looked back, I found that I was blocked. Before I could say anything.

    Some more times, somebody looked at me first. I looked back at them and sent a message: “You looked. Any questions or comments?”. No reply, just a block.

    Why are you here if you intend to block everybody who does not meet your impossibly narrow standards?

  • So guys, everyone comments about how things need to be spelled out in the profile and that guys don’t respond because you don’t match criterion not listed or some other reason. Has no one thought that maybe some of us don’t respond to messages because criterion listed in the profile is being ignored? I have it stated I’m looking for under 30 and I don’t do hook ups. Basically if someone over 30 messages me or the message reads, “wanna fuck?”, most likely I’m not responding because you either a. blatantly ignored what I wrote in my profile or b. you were too lazy to even read my profile in the first place. Guys, if you think about the times you were ignored, look at their profile and your own and maybe it will become clear why some people don’t respond.

  • To Aryanboy: Du redest sehr viel über schwarze männer. Bist du sicher dass du kein zuneigung für schwarze männer hast? Wenn nicht, warum redest du jedes mal über schwarze männer und was die für dich machen kannst? Wieß du, wir wollen dir nicht haben und auch nicht dein Harz IV. So auf gut deutsch gesagt, ‘du kann mich mal und lech mich am arsch!’. Verschwinde du feige! Du bis sicherlich eine arme Sau. Wir brauchen männer nich zurückgebliebene maggen. Fick dich! Don’t talk to us about what you want from us because we don’t want you so please, ignore our messages, du tünte!

  • Well OBVIOUSLY you don’t work.

  • It’s so crazy how honest this post is. I message some guys just with a normal “Hello how are you?” and then I see they read it but don’t respond back to it. All I did was say “hi” lol. I, myself just respond back. Even if the guy isn’t my type I’ll still chat with him, only if the chat moves toward sex or dating him then I’ll be honest with him.
    But I did get rejected badly once lol, I messaged this cute guy who was in Manhattan and I said my usually “Hello how are you?” and he replied back “Sorry I’m not looking for sex.”……..ummmmmmmmm. lol It’s in cyber world so we gotta laugh about these things.

  • I agree with Gman where he said, “Rejection is ok. But it does not dismiss the fact of how rude it is to ignore people. . .” Add to that, a lot of guys on A4A will press the BLOCK HIM button simply b/c you replied to them with a “hi.” Kindness and manners have gone down the drain as a whole in our society; it’s a real shame.

  • It’s a misprint on Daniel Affens name. It should read FN Daniel or FN Denial. But as a total jerk he’s obviously not gettin’ any FN anyway. Total FN Dick.

  • Daniel Affen… Don’t be a typical bitter ol black man. You are just sounding like a sourpuss whining about being rejected online… Don’t take it personally. You need to go find yourself some young negro buck with strong farm hands and get yoself laid!

  • Another great topic. I don’t like rejections. No one does but I always use it as a means to find a even better guy. The best part for me is when the orginal guy that rejected me, has sent his email, and I find a better guy who has a banging body or huge cock and I send pics to that first guy. That always makes me feel better. I have also found I have to thank the guy for rejecting me because I would not have found the better one if he did not do that. Simple

  • AryanBoy…(*sigh*)…I am not, nor acting like. as you assume, a “typical bitter ol’ black man”. I’m a 27 year-old young black man who respects folks’ time, opinions & feelings. I think folks should be more conscientious about how they act towards others-especially if one musters up the courage to send a message, expressing interest in meeting. I’m not being bitter/jaded/whatever adjective you want to use by passing judgment on me (a total stranger), just being emphatic.
    As I mentioned before, AryanBoy, I REALLY don’t know what your deal is (& I don’t want to know), but you’ve GOT to be more respectful of others. Seriously. I don’t know if it’s because being on the Internet makes you develop bigger balls than what you have in reality so you think you can just speak to anyone in any manner or speak about things that are not only irrelevant but downright insulting & surly…or perhaps this is just the kind of “human being” you are. I don’t know. It’s not my place to make that kind of theory. But these racist remarks, this blatant disrespect towards folks is disgusting. Please DO NOT make that mistake & say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You WILL rue the day when it comes to past.

  • Binkster…do you honestly feel like by insulting my last name that you think you’re a better person for doing so?? Really?? Like, how infantile can you be?? What’s with the nasty mean-spirited comments?? Not really understanding that at all. Is this how you are when you AREN’T on the Internet?? Or is this just a facade so folks can find you entertaining & a wise guy?? -__-

  • love yourself FIRST, no man is worth crying over.

  • this is not christianmingle.

    it’s often bored queens, bitter pills, frantic masturbators,
    habitual chatters, pic thieves.

    some good guys and some unpolished diamonds.

    rejection reflects more on the rejector than anything.

  • If my profile says show me your face if you wish me to respond, then I don’t feel bad reading his message, looking at his profile, see anything but his face, then deleting the message without a response. If I can see his face, but I’m not interested, I’ll thank him for the interest, but tell him no thanks.

    It’s all about physical looks for me with guys. This doesn’t mean you have to be hot by society’s standard, just mine. I don’t want to engage with a guy for awhile, then see his face and be like “actually no thanks buddy.” I want to see up front your face so I can tell if I’m attracted to you. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe.

  • I don’t really care about rejection. if one won’t, ten just might, It’s a numbers game.

    My problem is that some asshole say fucked up things, then BLOCK. If you got slick shit to say to a dude, have the balls to hear a response.

    that’s the only bug up my ass.

  • No one owes anyone else a response. If I hit a guy up and he doesn’t respond, that’s a simple message that he’s not interested. “Thanks but not interested” often gets “but whyyyyyy?” or blocking. No response is clear enough and is in no way rude. Rude is thinking you’re “so all that” that your owed attention from everyone on the planet.

  • But what if the person read the guys profile, knowing he didn’t fit what the guy was looking for based on bio written, and decided to message anyway? Guys tend to do that then get upset when they get no reply.

  • Binkster, I REALLY don’t appreciate your slandering my name. Really don’t. Do you think that makes you look cool/hot/funny?? Because it doesn’t. You & AryanBoy (who takes the name of a group who is racist & close-minded just boggles my mind) are clearly sharing the exact same brain…-_-
    And once again, AryanBoy, you have misjudged me. I am not a “typical bitter ol’ black man”. I am a 27 year-old young black man who respects others & has a voice & possesses a good amount of common sense. I do have PLENTY of sex (contrary to what you & your twin Binkster may think), but at the same time, I believe that communication is EXTREMELY important-even when it comes to sex or trying to meet somebody. I’m not bitter/jaded/whatever adjective you want to use to misjudge me, I’m quite emphatic. Quit being so damn disrespectful & mean-spirited. Please (this goes for your twin Binkster also) DO NOT end up saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. Seriously.

  • why do guys get so worked up over getting blocked? i don’t owe anyone a response. it must be a generational thing.

  • Good article, This site has so many bitter weirdos on this site that spend too much time on here and take it too serious. I get all sorts of threats about how karma will get me for ignoring they’re message and threats if they see you in person really creeps me out but i guess its my fault when i am too lazy to delete my trace if im not interested, but i sure as hell aint gonna waste my time messaging every bitter queen to explain why we aint a match just to be nice

  • Absolutely NOBODY has any room to complain about rejection, because WE ALL DO IT. Even the guys that aren’t that hot are rejecting other guys that they’re not attracted to. So if someone doesn’t respond to you, or even worse gives you a negative response, you just have to suck it up and move on, especially since you’ll be rejecting someone else eventually too.

  • @Mike ” i don’t owe anyone a response. it must be a generational thing.”

    No. Its called manners. This is a free site. Is it that hard to say ‘not interested’ ‘not a good match wish you the best’

    As to blocks – I will only block guys who are from Ghana or who clearly BB. The latter because I have seen any number of guys flipping status and safe sex option.

  • Danny- FIRST: the word Aryan means a person of european decent.. it does not always have to be in a racist manner. So get off your high horse.i mean… In my case it is lol. SECOND: Blinkster, WANNA FUCK?! Apparently we are ‘Twins’ … So im guessing your hot and we could get wild together ;-) hit me up

  • This sort of reminds me of the time this guy wanted to meet me from a4a. When we did meet, I could tell right off the bat he wasn’t my type. The next couple of days I tried to play it cool, but he kept messaging me. I got annoyed and blocked him. Then I noticed shortly after that he had used my pics on another website I had an account of and drew all over them with things like a dick on my forehead. I told the administrator of that site and he was penalized.

    My point is I shouldn’t have to explain myself to him and respond back to him if I didn’t have an interest in him. Granted I did give him a chance, unlike some people ever do give others.

  • …….there is no cock on the site to be getting all hot and bothered over…just move on the the next cock…cause i swear to god everybody is g.l00king on this site…even me…but as i read i reply to everybody..no matter how old or how young…nobody to young tho..just a simple not interested will do…as i so often get…simple and str8….

  • Get used to it. Since most guys are looking for model material, horse dicks, or “Sugar Daddies”. Since a majority of gay men are vain, superficial, and shallow. Gays, and lesbians have a rough enough time in this society, you’d think they could be decent enough to treat a fellow gay man or lesbian with a little respect.

  • Daniel Affen: You seem like a very nice guy. I am a white guy and I feel ashamed to be included in that race after viewing Aryanboy’s disrespectful comments. I hope that you don’t feel that all of us are racist. I assure you that is most definitely not the case. I would like to extend my hand in support of respect and equality for all.

  • The internet has made people socially retarded. I always respond to people online. If I’m not interested a “thanks buddy” or (if I’m on my iPhone) a simple :-) sends the message. It is just the right thing to do. If you were at Starbucks or a bar and someone said hello, you would ignore them. Why would you just because you’re hiding behind the safety of your computer?

  • I hate how guys immediately block you for a message. They are very immature. That’s what makes a sight look bad. Guys who think they are a 10 and a Ken….shouldn’t be on a gay sight lookin then. They sure know how to hurt a persons feelings when nothing was even done. Not responding would be better than being blocked………..for no reason at all.

  • I just want to comment on the negative way many guys choose to communicate on here. First let me be clear that there is absolutely nothing wrong with only being attracted to specific qualities or groups or ages or … whatever. What I feel is wrong is the language a lot of guys are using to express their preferences.
    Basically, there is a huge difference between saying “I am not sexually attracted to black, Asian, or Fem guys” and saying, “no black guys.” Or “I don’t like Asian guys.”
    It’s not just what you say, but how you say. please don’t be an ignorant douche bag. Just be respectful human beings. It’s not difficult!

  • I just want to comment on the negative way many guys choose to communicate on here. First let me be clear that there is absolutely nothing wrong with only being attracted to specific qualities or groups or ages or … whatever. What I feel is wrong is the language a lot of guys are using to express their preferences.
    Basically, there is a huge difference between saying “I am not sexually attracted to black, Asian, or Fem guys” and saying, “no black guys.” Or “I don’t like Asian guys.”
    It’s not just what you say, but how you say. please don’t be an ignorant douche bag. Just be respectful human beings. It’s not difficult!

  • It has nothing to do with rejection and everything to do with asking for what you want without being attached to any results and being willing to hear “NO” and then respect it.
    Instead of waiting for the other guy to come up with some excuse.., just be germane and to the point by expressing your interest.
    After the initial “hi/hello” and I’ve unlocked my private pics I’ll give it some time. If I don’t get a response then I’ll sent ONE LAST MSG saying “interested?”
    Just keep it simple.., no small talk. If I have the courage to ask directly then they should have the courage to respond the same; it’s a “yes/no” question. If they’re incapable of doing so than they’re definitely not someone I’d be interested in.

  • After a person kindly types “not interested, thanks. Happy hunting! :)” a zillion times…they realize…simply not responding is an equivalent, that is much more practical. It’s like…if someone doesn’t flirt back in person…not getting upset.

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