27 Apr 2014

Gay Stuff: Do We Have Too Many Limits?

Category: Gay Stuff
liim

(Post written by Legion, A4A member)

Recently I have noticed that for many of the profiles we have so many boundaries and limits. In the past, I remember people just wanting to have sex and get off, it was easy, simple and a complete experience.

Now it is like filling out an application for employment, by the time you get done reading the “Qualifications” than the countless emails of more questions, you are frustrated and don’t want it anymore. Remember the good’ ole days when you would see someone and say “hello” as a few basic questions then it would be a yes or no.

Now you are lucky if someone views your profile and even acknowledges you exist. We have put everyone in a “Box” and labeled them don’t you think we have enough of that? What does it matter if you have a job? a car? or your own place? If you’re looking to get laid and not dating the person SERIOUSLY, what does it matter?

Also the limits, must be this height, this weight, this color, this dick size, or only a top, only a bottom, or my favorite “drug and disease free u b 2″ can you say rude statement. My ultimate though is “no Fats, Chubs, Fem, Raunch, Queens, Trans and English speaking only” Can you be any more selective?

We have reached a point in our society where we are alienating our own community, and when I see want to be friends in a profile and you say “Hi” to them, they automatically judge you on looks or what they read and 90% of the time wont even acknowledge you.

My own personal opinion is we are gay, horny and want sex, When did this get so complicated? Are we shooting ourselves in the foot?

Legion

 

129 comments for Gay Stuff: Do We Have Too Many Limits?

  • imntresting topic this looks like some the pofiles I have red on a4a

  • I totally agree with this. Its ridicoulus why do I need a car when i say i can host, why do i need a job i don’t want to date you. I mean come on besides the physical stuff everything else doesn’t matter. Why do I need to be a conversationalist if we r just going to fuck? Come on guys lets be real here we all just want to bone and if not then move the fuck on

  • Sadly I fear that the LGBT community will always be like this, especially in the US where I am. Too many guys are shallow. It’s depressing.

  • I have some skin problems myself so I feel your pain. Sometimes I have to troll craigslist for cum & go tops who just dont give a fuck who they’re fucking.

  • If you have an issue with guys not wanting to fuck a stranger that uses IV drugs and has STDs/STIs then you’re probably also someone who is a proponent of unprotected sex with strangers. If I want to get off, yeah I might use a hookup all but wanting to limit myself to a healthy individual shouldn’t be unreasonable.

  • I think you are over analyzing this. I don’t see a problem with preferences at all. Everybody has them, so what’s wrong with telling people what they are? Some of us are not desperate and won’t mess around with just anyone. I know I won’t, and that’s where the preferences come in. Just because you don’t have many preferences doesn’t mean others should be like you. Everyone’s different, and we should respect everyone’s preferences, however many they might have.

    As I say in my own profile, if you are offended by any of my preferences, then I guess have fun being offended because that’s a ‘you’ problem not a ‘me’ problem.

    I think the best thing you can do if you don’t like what someone says in their profile is to move on to the next one. There are thousands of profiles here, why waste your time and energy on the ones you don’t like?

  • Why does it matter that ppl have STANDARDS……..maybe there shdbe a site where guys who don t care what anyone looks like can go instead of a4a.

    Maybe it s time another site who caters to guys who are 100 percent whores can go who have NO care about looks etc.

  • Someone wrote on their profile that they were not interested in people who had a long list of requirements because it meant they were probably very prissy and how this was anything but masculine.

  • We as people and in the gay world we have just become as mixed up and stupid as the rest. First most of us have gone into hiding and the rest want to be on the dl tip.

    Last time I check a4a is a site to hook up and have a good time. Most of the profiles are funny anyone and most of the guys that want this or that take a look at the profile and you will see they are not meeting what they are requesting.

    I miss the good old days when you went out to a clib danced and had a drink saw a person you hit it off went home and had hot sex and if you enjoyed it you had it again and maybe ended up as a couple.

  • The site is supposed to be for anonymous hook-ups. It is supposed to be “you wanna fuck; yes or no.” It shouldn’t be more than that. If you’re looking to date – go to Match.com. If you want to chat – use Facebook. If you want to have some man on man contact – drop the drama and get to it. Seriously it shouldn’t be this complicated.

  • I totally agree. I am a victim of akl those limits. I feel so frustrated. I wonder if i ever find someone on here who just want to have sex without limits.

  • Dude, the gay outlaw days of pure cruising the streets of NYC, Chicago, any urban gay environment . . . or at the local gayberhood bar (both have almost disappeared) . . .are gone. Some pockets of cool, open gay life exist but they are few.

  • Very much true. Not only do we have the separation there’s the games that we as adults should’ve left in our kid days. It’s irritating. But times change and people evolve. They will one day understand and have a better reason why they end up in that same space. Lol

  • This site is designed to help gay people connect either physically or emotionally. If I am looking for someone, I am going to be selective. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I should drop my pants for any gay man that is interested. The beauty of this site is that you can do some research before you jump into bed with someone that is not compatible. I think a better question is, why are we not more selective?

  • Why should it matter? Girls do it to guys and guys do it to girls back. Its been going on for centuries. Its like ive told friends numerous times when they tried to set me up. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean he is my type. I do feel their should be some chemistry between us. But if I’m not into you than I’m sorry. And who is to say that just because we are gay we should act like whores? Not that I care if you like having sex with countless men you don’t know is entirely all on you. But some of us like myself who are not into that just don’t like it and also don’t want to risk catching a sexual disease. I don’t agree its become complicated as you mentioned in your post. More guy are just starting to be aware of the fire play with when having risky sex. And believe me I’ve been single for four years. I’m 23, and healthy as can be. My weight may go up and down at times but so what. Like that old saying goes “those who wait good things will come to you”. So I’m going to keep living my life and expect the rest of you as well. Don’t let this article make you feel any different.

  • As Amanda Palmer once asked, “Why all these conflicting specifics? Maybe it’s just too prevent over-population. All I know is all around the nation, the girls are crying and the boys are masturbating.

  • I too chuckle when I read these limiting profiles but really only see a problem when they are intentionally rude. Me being a person of color prefer (and am sexually aroused) exclusively by other men of color. I’ve played the field enough to know what I like and will not settle to make someone else feel better about themselves. Also, an enlightened person knows that a person who has their own home will more than likely respect yours when you host. I can’t speak for every gay man nor can I say we all have this elevated thought process during “hookup” selection however, I can say that I am glad to see that gay men are setting standards and beginning to adhere to there own requirements. We just have to remember to keep it kind, thoughtful, and above all sexy. With that in mind I welcome the application process as I realize that it is less a “hiring” process and more a merger negotiation and if both parties are not in complete agreement. Both can part ways unscathed with egos still in tact.

    Bravo homos!

    Best,
    Viktor E.

  • No reason you shouldn´t be very specific. I´m only into white dudes. Why should others even waste their time “applying”. It´s not fair to them since I will just delete. I think it´s much easier.

    I´m not into a lot of types and yeah, the dude better be English speaking (last time I looked, this is the U.S.).

    If it´s someone´s second language, that´s cool but a message only in spanish is getting a very fast delete also.

  • I’m a Homo Male . I love MEN and I try to make myself avaliable and smart enough to find attractiveness in a wide range of Men . That attitude has served me well gotten me lots of great sex and spiritual rewards . Lots of Men are embracing Brotherhood rather then a hunter /prey model . Make love isn’t the same as Men and women , it’s superior !

  • While I think it is perfectly OK for a man my age not to be interested in a man more than double my age, I always try to be kind as I say no and sometimes I meet someone I like. There is nothing wrong with having preferences because to say that having them is wrong is co-dependent idiocy. BUT to say “don’t talk to me If you’re old, fat, etc.” is rude. My biggest peeve is “if I don’t respond, I’m not interested”. Translation: “I am an arrogant, narcissistic asshole.”

    I would like a “not interested” response button that would send the following message: “Thank you for contacting me, but I am not interested at this time.” I think people SHOULD respond.

    I know a lot of people who would say that trying to find a guy to have sex with on A4A is a waste of time because of all the pissy, demanding people with their limits.

  • My favorite is when you email someone and they automatically block you without even responding. Who gave them the name “God”? I am not an egotist, but I do have to say that I am not bad looking and I do have a nice body for my age (46)but some of these guys will just block for no reason. I recently emailed someone who said they were looking for to date and asked them when I could take them out for a date………….BLOCKED!!! The next week I get my monthly email from Men4rent and there he is………..the new HOOKER of the Month………LOL….had to laugh!!! He is in St.Petersburg,fl btw…..don’t hire him with his egotistical attitude……..Peace out guys

  • Yeah, we are all gay, get horny and want sex. But there is more to being gay than those things.

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a guy who can’t host and needs a ride to my place…or for me to rent a hotel room. seriously?

    Then there’s the “got pills?” types. No thanks.

    How desperate do we need to be to get laid?

  • I have become frustrated with the list of demands on some of these profiles. I am an oral person. These guys want body pics. I am usually dressed while servicing them. Then it’s the chub and masculinity issue. There are different levels of masculinity.

  • Our limits and types are beyond our control. There is nothing you can do if a certain mannerism, body type or race just does not turn you on or may even turn you off. Being fem is a total boner killer for me for example. If I wanted a girl, I would be straight. It’s also NO FUN having sex with somebody you know is not that much into you; passionate sex is like tango that involves both dancers’ efforts equally.

    It’s so much better to just be honest from the get go in order not to waste each other’s time. Nobody has the time to be meeting up with 10 guys just to find out you’re compatible with only one of them.

  • Personally, I believe we have the right to choose who we sleep with based on “wants” and “don’t wants.” Same goes with people looking for friends. Also its my observation that those who complain about such things are the ones who are not having as much fun as others.
    Some people may take it too far and have a complete list of requirements and others see that as being picky and unrealistic but that shouldnt give you reason to bitch just because you can’t sleep with them.
    Plenty of fish in the sea. Get over it and move on.

  • Sadly we have all become enamored with the patina, and the illusion of perfection to the point that we are unable to accept either our own humanity, nor the humanity of the other persons on line.
    The point of gay sex is to “be happy and satisfied” not to be fabulous we all want to be.
    For myself, I know I am old, chubby shy and not everyone cup of tea, and that I can accerpt and understand, but I have seen myself be blocked by reading my profile and we never speak to one another and I am still blocked
    Time to let go of the “toys and Prizes” and time for all of us to get back to the qualities of humility and humanity

  • How true that writing says. Age is the one limitation that gets me. Most think that when u are over 35 you are to old. They sure do miss out on good pleasure. Older is actually better.

  • i agree
    however,… you people who service these chat/hookup rooms don’t help the situation… you ask too many questions in setting up a profile….

    quoting your own blog entry here… what does it matter in the very beginning….

    chat rooms have become shopping lists, always looking for that ‘perfect’ guy… which of course does not exist

    sigh….. the more things change, the more they stay the same

  • Yeah, we are basically acting like a bunch of prissy queens. I can understand wanting to know things like, “Travel or Host”, but do you really need to know if I have a job? Why don’t you ask me about my last two employers, while you’re at it?

    Being sexually attracted to someone is important if you want to have sex, but we have been, more and more, narrowing what we consider attractive. It’s no longer acceptable for your trist to be a white male twink or not. He now has to have at least an 8″ cock, athletic build, low body fat, and be a bisexual married man on the down-low. It has become ridiculous how picky – and by extension, self-inflated – we’ve become. Some of the best sex I’ve had has been with guys who, at first sight, may not be my ideal type. We need to loosen up and just enjoy ourselves.

  • Finally a post I DID enjoy reading…. it is true than when you send a simple “hi” you got many chances to be rejected. … I agree. .. I thought the 2010 census was over. …

  • I totally agree. It is so frustrating meeting people anymore. It was easier in the 70s and 80s than it is now. Everyone is so into their own little world about me, myself and I, they don’t consider the other person at all. It’s really sad. I don’t think we have come very far in this endeavor.

  • This “community” is, as far as I’m concerned, foolish. As much as we believe have surpassed our hetero counterparts, we haven’t. If I were you, I’d just simply focus on myself. For if you try to believe that our “community” will get any better, you simply are telling yourself a lie…

  • Articles like this drag down the entire alternative lifestyle community.

    “Oh, I’m not pretty enough to get noticed and I can’t think of anything clever to put in my profile to draw attention. Let me go cry and whine, then write an article complaining that people have preferences and standards.”

    Give me a break. People put preferences in their profiles because we’ve evolved past having to fuck anything that moves because we don’t know when we’ll get it again. My advice to you would be to get back in the gym and possibly take a class on writing.

  • a profile with a list of what they don’t like as well as a dozen other requirements is viewed as a negative person I’m not willing to message. I don’t respond to those types if profiles. I will consider profiles that tell me about themselves in a positive format, not a negative one. The only requirement that I mention is the capability of having a normal conversation. I have to because apparently allot of you can’t.

  • I think we’ve gotten to the point where we CAN be more selective.
    Personally, I’d be willing to give anyone a shot, but, at the same time, I do have preferences. It seems awkward being with someone who is much taller, or shorter than I. I also like men, because they’re men. Meaning, I’d be willing to give a drag, or trans guy a chance, but when it comes down to relationship potential, I’d rather have a man instead of a man who dresses, or acts, or wants to be, a woman.
    I’m also someone who prefers to be on top. Hooking up with another top just doesn’t seem to be conducive to a long term relationship. Friends with benefits, perhaps.
    Then there’s the obesity. I don’t want to feel like I’m playing Hide and Seek. I want him to feel great. I don’t want to be hunting for his junk. On the opposite side, I don’t want to feel like I’m screwing a skeleton either.
    Are we shooting ourselves in the foot? Maybe. But if you want more than a one nighter, you have to know what you like. On the other hand, you also can’t be so restrictive that you have to travel a thousand miles just to find someone within your own parameters.

  • The explosive growth of technology in the past 20-30 years, namely the Internet and mobile phones has driven a wedge through interpersonal communications. Everyone wants the immediate gratification of vanity, yet when the time comes to actually hooking up or the possibly thereof, the conversation falls on deaf ears a lot of the time. Additionally, I don’t understand the rudeness people display, primarily through the way they word their laundry list of what they’re into or not into in their profiles; however, it seems a lot of these profiles are not a reflection of who the person is behind it, but rather of the person they want to be or who their perfect type is. A lot of people on Adam4Adam are interested in the fantasy of a perfect someone or the fantasy of a perfect hook-up and with disappointment, not finding it, they find themselves masturbating to those fantasies instead of hooking up with someone that at least has a few characteristic traits they’re looking for. If the overly judgmental would stop putting people into a box and think outside of the one they’re also in, hooking up might return to a place when it was hot and fun to do.

  • THANK YOU! Finally, sounds like another gay man actually thinks with his brain and not his “head”. I’ve been contemplating this subject for years now. It’s very isolating. Granted, I do want to find a boyfriend rather than the hookup scene anymore (been there, done that, time for something with substance). But I keep it low-key because these sites aren’t for dating, they are for minimalizing your self-esteem… or at least that’s what it has become. I don’t even bother saying hi to anyone anymore, because I don’t expect people to have a decent conversation or even reply back… and I’m not even unattractive! We are so limited and judgmental of our own community that no one could possibly ever find actual happiness, just brief orgasms. And that saddens me sorely!

  • Yep its sad but true and most like to play games endless emails that go nowhere or they dnt show

  • Seriously? You want to whine because guys have things they consider attractive and things they don’t? So just because you want to get off you’re going to hookup with the next thing that comes along? So Jabba the Hutt who is fruiter than dole cocktail salad and can’t speak a lick of the language you speak, has every STD known to man (and is probably patient zero for a few new ones), has track marks up and down his body from rampant drug use is the next person to hit you up, and you’re gonna get with him because you want to get off. Are these “good old days” you’re reminiscing about perhaps during the beginning and height of the AIDS epidemic? Maybe that’s one big reason that gay men became more discerning about the men they choose to have sex with? If you’re going to participate in a risky behavior that will put you own life possibly at risk, maybe it should be worth it in their view? Personally, why even hook up with a guy if you’re not attracted to them? Sex is about the attraction, primarily on a physical basis when you’re talking about a hook-up, and if you’re not in to it, why even bother? If all I wanted was sex and didn’t care who it was with, I could get laid every night, by a different guy, but it wouldn’t mean shit to me. Sex to me is more about quality than quantity. I’d rather get 30 minutes once a month with a guy I’m really attracted to rather than all day, every day, with someone I’m not attracted. Besides, then I would be having it so much it would loose it’s meaning and excitement, where as if I was having it once a month with someone whom I was really attracted to, I get to anticipate seeing them, have fantasies about what we might do or reminisce about what we did last time. If you can’t get someone to hook up with you, maybe you should do more to try and fit into what these guys are looking for, or change the scope of your search? Why should they change for you if you’re not willing to change for them?

  • I think it is called preferences…?

  • ah another guy butthurt over not fitting someone they wanted to get with’s preferences. Even when it comes to hooking up having preferences in what you like is perfectly normal and fine. Some people don’t like short people and some people find short people amazingly hot. Get over it.

  • “My own personal opinion is we are gay, horny and want sex, When did this get so complicated? Are we shooting ourselves in the foot?”

    No. We do not have too many limits. People are just getting smarter. There is nothing wrong with sex. But today there are too many diseases and just childish games being played when it comes to relationships.
    The question you should ask yourself, Legion, is if you are smart enough to survive HIV, hep., herps, etc. and can you deal with rejection ?

  • AMEN to that!

  • In theory we should all be open to experiences with everyone.

    In reality we’re not.

    We each like what we like. I just wish people would be more polite about what they don’t like.

  • This, in my opinion, just helps a person know more about the person they are chatting with or emailing with online. It is not to judge or “dis” someone. Everyone has a right to pick and choose who they want to communicate with, or NOT! People are too thin skinned these days. If they don’t want to deal with you, then move on. Life is short.

  • I agree whole heartedly. Bravo bravo!!!

  • I have a profile on this site for a while and overall this site as a whole has been very frustrating in trying to hook up especially if the distance is within a 50 mile radius because the guys online overall are lying about their stats, very rude of blocking you before really getting to know a person, judging you to want something just because I said hello and how you’re doing, trying to be polite like my mom and dad and my relatives taught me, acting so stuck up and mentions a certain race can only talk to me. We can’t do anything about skin color, list goes on and on. Our gay communities as a whole are fighting among ourselves and not being together causes us to lose focus of what’s important and why we are on this site to begin with. Please keep in mind online may be the only way of communicating for some people because of so much frustration in the gay scene. Keep in mind this is a diverse country and God did not make everyone alike. We have to learn to embrace the difference instead of tearing each other down. We as a gay community are different and we have to recognize that and learn from one another. Open your minds, you may be surprised what you find out. We should be able to have a conversation if no hookup takes place. We have to come together before anything can change in this country that will benefit our gay community as a whole.

  • Totally agree. What does it matter if they’re a student, a garbage man or a nurse? Why does your chosen profession determine your value as a sexual partner, unless there’s the hope of no strings becomes attached.

    Hook up sites aren’t the same assaying sites, yet some users think they revolutionize the hook up site by making it a dating site for them.

  • I can totally relate with this. I dig the common preference for hygiene, clean hole, DDF, drugs or 420 (i don’t do either), HWP, and age. But to see very stringent requirements from others is just preposterous.

    I am a bi man who lives in Iowa and most often than not, the person I chat with (or who’ve shown interest) would just disappear the moment I tell them I am Asian/Pacific Islander. What’s wrong with that?

    And how about those looking for “only good looking” or “only muscular”???

    Setting all those requirements just deprives one the opportunity to enjoy the company of well deserving people. Why limit yourself to a menu of 10 men if you can have plethora to choose from?

  • I know exactly what you mean. Being a black bottom, there are lots of guys that don’t like black guys or obly want black tops…EVEN OTHER BLACK GUYS!! I mean I’m not trying to marry you…sometimes I just want some dick lol

  • Good point. After 20 minutes of back and forth chatting, I just log off the computer, jack my dick and go to bed.

  • Yes, yes, and yes! Guys nowadays are so superficial that asimple hello makes them assume that someone is trying to get into their pants. Where is the open minded people? Why is it ALWAYS ABOUT SEX? Ugh lol

  • I agree. There are way too many limits. Guys want the perfect guy and they just wait around forever for someone that fits the perfect mold they have created in their mind, all the while complaining that they can never find anyone to “date”.

    There’s a popular classified site I frequent, as well as a4a, and on that site I sometimes check out the Men looking for Women ads. Straight men are so not picky. Their criteria is pretty much: “be a woman and be alive” (and the second part of that is negotiable). Meanwhile in the gay world: “Don’t be old of fat” — I hit on those because I am old AND fat, so technically I qualify. “No oldies”, “No fatties”, “Looking for thin to muscular guys”, “Twinks only”, “White guys only”, “Nobody older than 25″, “Nobody under 30″, and the list goes on.

    The way I see it, 90% of the time, it’s just sex. It’s not like you’re taking me home to Thanksgiving dinner… although I do clean up nicely.. but that’s another topic entirely. The majority of, at least, the younger guys can’t host anyway so we’re hooking up in the back seat of my car on a deserted gravel road somewhere. It’s dark, and funky… does it really matter if I’m 25, or 30, or 35? Of if I weigh 175 or 200 or 210?

    If you’re sitting around waiting for Mister Right. Who is 18, and has an 8 pack, and the deepest blue eyes, and a slight twinkle when he smiles, a body as smooth as bathroom tile… And, of course, a 10 inch fat cock… Then you’re going to be sadly disappointed because he’s probably not out there.

    And the funniest part, most of the time, people with 1,000 requirements for who they will hook up with are rather unfortunate-looking themselves.

  • Wow. Well said. It echoes my own profile. This community, which should be much more accepting, has a surprisingly high volume of judgmental members. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but do you really need to be rude and insulted when someone says hi?

  • I couldn’t agree more. We want equality, but segregate ourselves. Sad but true. Fine you want a specific guy, even Chubb’s say “masculine only”. WTF!? LMAO, until err can respect each other, n learn to unify x not just sexually, We will never move forward.

  • I have to say that it’s true many of us have a lot of limits, but in my opinion it helps to let guys know what we like and what we don’t like. I for one don’t like fems guys or guys that have a waist of over 34 inches. I also prefer black guys. These are my limits cause it’s just what I like or rather don’t like. THe thing we must understand is that when we have limits, we have to also realize we may not be what others like also.

  • Call it The new normal because it is .Thank God I have lived through my experiences when i did because I was so much less shallow.Youth is wasted on the young

  • Sad indeed. Now, when these scutinizing whiny whores finally meet their “prospective Mr. Right”, more than often it’s NOT the same person they anticipated…stay thirsty or THAT’S WHAT YOU HAD COMING to you, lol. It’s NOT their face or bod you were waiting for..NOT the stats they posted…NOT thatyour dreamboat .. ya had it coming haha

  • I agree with you 100%. And I’ll admit, though I don’t have any of those “requirements” in my profile, I have dismissed someone based on his looks. I think most “beautiful” people want to be surrounded by other attractive people, no matter the circumstance. But when I go out to a straight bar or neutral environment, I see all different types of people from all backgrounds, mingling, socializing and having a great time. Now when I venture into a gay bar, it’s like high school all over again. The jocks with the jocks, the bears with the bears and so on and so on. We are wanting the same rights as the rest of the population but yet we discriminate against other gay guys because we don’t like the way they look or act? Doesn’t make too much sense. Hmu on a4a and I’ll be sure to say hello no matter who you are! Have a great day!

  • “Drug and disease free” is not a rude statement. It’s called being smart and choosing to have healthy sexual partners. We shouldn’t be shamed about stating who we want to have sex with or what their body type or ethnicity is. We’re here to get off and for some of us we want someone who looks a certain way or a certain type to get us off. Deal with it.

  • im with you 100% i try to be nice and i either get ignored or a rude reply its sad how it is now and days my self esteem dropped because of people like that.

  • Yes, I agree. For a group in society that has fought labels, we are so quick to label ourselves. We are overanalyzing.

  • “No Fats or Fems”

    Seriously, though. If a guy doesn’t get hard for fat or feminine guys, no amount of web articles or forum discussion is going to convince his dick to get hard for fat or feminine guys.

    The funny thing is: most gay guys have feminine traits, yet most gay guys are almost exclusively attracted to masculine men. And masculine men are almost exclusively attracted to other masculine men. Which means most masculine men will just stick to each other, leaving a bunch of feminine guys sexually frustrated.

    Ever funnier: most feminine traits are behavioral and controlled. I hate to say it but, a lot of it is choice. There’s nothing in your DNA forcing you to thread your eyebrows, get star tattoos, wear makeup or “talk like that.”

    As for Fats… All I can say is that I’ve gone to bear events, watching all the bears swoon over the slim otters and jock “chubby chasers” (of which there’s only a few of) while the hundreds of bears all ignore each other. Seriously guys, if you’re not attracted to fat, don’t be far yourself. It’s hypocritical. But then again, hypocrisy is rampant in the gay community.

  • Totally agree

  • This is so true. We hate that others discriminate against us but we are so discriminating against each other. So many rude guys. If you are not a model or perfect in ever way you dont have a chance. Being a larger chub the discrimination is so bad . Doesn’t matter i am a awesome guy or not. I get blocked just looking at pics. And if you offer a compliment you are severely chastised for it. I used to have decent luck hooking up…never now. We need to treat others with respect and give them a chance.

  • Highly agree, especially the “no Fats, Chubs, Fem, Raunch, Queens, Trans and English speaking only”. I mean, what do these guys expect, every gay guy to be a straight acting, body of Adonis type? Yeah right, get real. Then you get these so called “size queens” with their “must be at least 8-9 inches, blah blah blah” Yeah, I say, get over yourselves, to those people. In all honesty, first time I tried a hook up, I was not bothered, and I met this smoking hot guy, and he had no problem what so ever with my chubbiness. It is nice when you meet someone nice and genuine, but you have to shift a lot of dirt and rubble before you can find a diamond.

  • I totally agree there are way too many limitations. What happened to just having sex and enjoying it even if it is a one niter…be for real. Cut back on the limitations guys and just have fun and some great sex

  • I think about this very thing a great deal. I come from a time when we went to bars and cruised for our dinner ( or dessert). It was sexy and fun and a kind of art, really. There was a language in the back and forth stares with no words ever spoken. And yes we were horny and wanted sex. That was a given.

    We were also in rooms with perhaps a few dozen men, maybe more if it was a dance club, and we got to see the whole person. It was easy to make a decision based on what we saw. Now though, online we have an image of a torso generally, or some isolated body part and a few lines of text. We then, based on this sliver of information, piece together our fantasy of what we think that person is. I say fantasy because we want that pieced together version to be “the one”, if only for the night.

    What then when we see the face and it does not meet the standard of our fantasy? What if the person has some interest we find dull? Or the age is wrong. That “whole” person behind that fantasy profile who sends a smile doesn’t stand a chance. So, we move on, ready to project that fantasy onto the next bare torso that catches our eye. That person we ignored, perhaps an extraordinary soul, or not. We will never know.

    We are no longer in a room with perhaps dozens of choices all of whom we have full view of, we are online with hundreds of choices that we see only fragments of. Far easier to dismiss a piece of something, something that sometimes we don’t even get to put a face on.

    I am just as guilty of it as anyone. I can look at every single person on a site and not find a one that I see as right. I admit I am very insecure due to my age which renders me practically invisible. Or I think “that chest looks so great, mine does not compare so he wont like me”, or a host of other things which can be quite miniscule. Sometimes, like you, I just like to say hi, or send a compliment with no motive and more often than not, am ignored, which saddens me.

    It should not matter what the job/car/ dick size is, but even those who claim to just want to hook up, are deep down looking for a more profound connection. Who isn’t? But how to say that on such a forum when we have a certain number of words allotted to describe ourselves, and a few images that we think show our best assets. How many of us can really say, even in private what we really want? Online we cannot appear vulnerable. So we adjust what we say and in the process make ourselves into something we really aren’t. We become our own fantasies, fantasizing about the fantasy someone else has created. Perhaps, deep down we know its all not real and thats why we so easily dismiss each other. Those who control the drones that kill specks on a virtual map could be seen as an analogy. ( I’ll get in trouble for that last line)

    You are right. It has become complicated, and alienating and impersonal. I fear this is the new way of things and it will only worsen. The people for the most part who use these sites have no knowledge of any other way. This is normal to them. How much effort needs to be made when there are literally hundreds of choices on any number of sites.

    Despite this, or maybe because of it, I keep reaching out. I suffer more rejection than acknowledgment. Sometimes though, it pays off. There are those that still care about how they treat others, who say thanks, who say yes lets get coffee. We just have to keep trying. As it goes, that one who says hi back, will say hi to another, and with each a difference has been made. We, each of us only has to touch one.

  • QUEENS. AND DON’T THINK QUEENS ONLY COME IN THE BOTTOM “ROLE”. THERW ARE MANY MANY QUEENS WHO ARE TOPS BUT MASCULINE, BUT THEY’RE QUEENY IN A DIFFERENT WAY. TOP QUEENS ARE THE WORST!!! AND BEHIND THEM ARE VERSATILE QUEENS. UGH!!!

  • My limits on who I do and don’t find sexually attractive are based on individual behaviors and attitudes, not on genetics.

    But I’m not going to have sex with someone I’m not attracted to just to prove someone else’s point about political correctness.

  • Things got complicated when we decided that we wanted them to be. In our never ending quest for sex and some will say love, somehow we got it twisted and allowed ourselves not to trust not only one another but ourselves. We also learned to be shamed for liking what/who we like and therefore we set up these false constructs so that which we desire we deny ourselves of only because we feel /think we should not behave this way. Why else would any openly gay man deal with a DL guy? He can only be a temporary fix and never a really satisfying partner. He’s only there w/ u when he thinks no one is looking. Why else would a (fat guy,chub, big boy) allow themselves to be “fetishized” by some guy who just sees them as an object to be use for their amusement. And then accept their attention as being loved. Is it because it feels better than being alone? Is it really? I think when we get honest and learn to accept ourselves worts and all we can then be open to others and the barriers we put up to protect our egos won’t be needed. But we have to first start with loving who we truely are. And know that we all have value.

  • I see where you are coming from, Legion. However, This holds true if everyone on the site was honest forward. As you know there are quire quite a few guys on A4A who have ulterior motives….some sinister. Therefore, I like the complete profiles. and some chat. it connects to our humanity. We are not just dicks and ass in a Treasure Island Media movie [love those films!]. I like to know a little about the guy I am fucking! It is about respecting yourself and respecting others’ boundaries. Being informed is key to a happy safe sexual existence.
    JerseyNHeat

  • The more filters you apply, the fewer results you get. Perhaps nothing at all.

  • Perhaps we are evolving in to better people that aren’t willing to just stick our dicks into whomever let’s us. There is absolutely nothing wrong with gays being selective in our partners. The fact that you think so little of yourself as to allow just anyone to be intimate with you saddens me. Why would anyone have sex with someone that is unattractive to them, has habits, or behaves in a way that is unappealing? Seems to me though that the basis for your blog is that it is becoming increasingly hard for you to find sexual encounters. Perhaps it’s not them it’s you? How many of those undesirable categories, you listed, did you match?

  • YES! Agreed. And, how can we really judge one another by these tiny little boxes we see. We need to open our view and really CONNECT with each other. This is where the real turn-on is.

  • We’d alienated ourselves to the point were. Mean. To each other. & maybe don’t realize it hatefull too boxed ourselves in a corner society at large for the most part don’t really care bought us & I don’t understand why we do it to each other…? Isn’t this a hookup site or an application for JUDGMENT!

  • Yes. I totally agree with you. I don’t necessarily remember the “good ol’ days” be sure I wasn’t around then ;-) but I do completely agree that it seems like filling out an application for more than a job. I too get frustrated and end up just saying to hell with it and just jerk off usually lol. Where are the chill guys that are actually down to earth? Really…. where? I would like to know. :-)

  • We just might be. I am willing to talk to anyone that sends me a message but that isn’t returned it seems. Example … I send a message to someone with a picture of them holding a nice fish and since I like fishing I send a “nice fish” and I don’t even get a “thanks.” I love an occasional hook up but have found that some of the most fun I’ve had have come from was those that I talked to first with no expectations of a sexual encounter.

  • I too remember the “good ol days”.. I just really logging online about a year and a half ago..I like going to pubs and meeting people face to face rather than an online interview! You can tell if chemistry. .instant attractions or know if someone is just downright nuts in person. .lol..now..people can give you a cyber idea of themselves which ive found out most are just wish or fantasizing that idea of themselves

  • Finishing because of lost connection. .I do thinkthe internet has made it convenient but most of the time apon finally meeting the person. .they aren’t who they say they are..im a ” if you liked me today you love me tomorrow” kind of guy..I wish people would realize that in themselves. .it would eliminate alot of letdowns and drama in their lives. .be honest guys and you’ll find someone who likes you foy you. ;)

  • In closing. .lol..when your truly comfortable. .there is no limits..TO HELL WITH THE APPLICATION AND INTERVIEW PROCESS..LEAVE THE INTERNET TO NO HOLDS BARRED PURELY TO GET OFF LIFE..

  • agreed. Not only applies to hook ups but with friendly chats as well, several times I read profiles like ‘I’m so tired of all the fake people, I just want to chat, there are no friendly people here, bla bla bla……and what happens when you send a freindly hello, or a smile? either no response or a rude answer like ‘not interested’ W.T.F?

  • i just got this one — “not into skin heads”

  • I agree with legion the adam4 adam site is worst than a job application. There are too many restriction allowed on the site. I know of a lot of people who have cancelled their profile on A4A because of the stupity on the site and difficulty in getting a hook up

  • I fault A4A for all the specifics you ask when posting a profile… why dont’ you change your format… I, for one am so tired of (1) being blocked from viewing a profile… and for no good reason at all. (2) if your either neg or poz… come on now… we all know you should treat everyone as if they are poz. (3)Profile pics should only be face pics, not crotch pics, they can be posted in private pics, (I believe that’s what your requirements were… seems like everyone is posting pics of their dicks… ever gay man has a dick… what about what’s in your head… and on your mind. (4) and what about including a section that allows men that have been on a date to mention to the public if ‘hook up’ was safe and not a bad experience… think about all the guys who have been robbed, beaten up, or worse when using this website… there are a lot of fortune seekers, criminals viewing this site, looking for an easy prey…

  • YES, too many rules!! Being in my 40′s, I have discovered two things. All the profiles in my area who are 45 and over are looking for young twinks. All the young guys don’t want anyone over 40. So I’m screwed.
    (Or literally not getting screwed) I’m 42, not 82! When I came out I thought men would be easy to deal with. I’m finding them more complicated than women and that’s saying a lot.

  • Yes i do think we are putting to many limits on our selves. Now bodybuilders only want other bodybuilders masc only want masc. Whats wrong with a little sugar in your tank. They want discreet. Do these guys think that we are going to show up with parade outside their house or what. There are too many limits for someone just wanting to get off.

  • Agree completely. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. And for the record I think a lot of guys check the friendship box just to look less slutty. Most aren’t looking for real friendships, or they would reply to the decent looking guys instead of ignoring them for only the hot ones.

  • My theory…if you are looking for perfection….you had better be BRINGING perfection….and as of yet….I have not seen that happen…

  • I am a 47 year old male
    230
    5’11″
    Average build
    I fit none of the requirements
    I see half the time on those sites and Clist
    But when I get a bite they are in the same boat
    And we work things out and have a great pleasurable time

  • In today’s and age….. I ask many questions. I am health conscious and want to be sure that I protect myself. drug and disease free u b 2. You are are off the mark on this one. I prefer standards and compatibility.

    I have a specific type of individual I am attracted to and qualities I want in a potential connection or otherwise.

    I had a great connection not on this site but another and we had a lasting friendship and relationship. Until I screwed it up. So, I will move forward again looking for compatibility or rather what you are terming as limitations.

  • Bears will have sex only with other bears. Muscular guys will have sex only with other muscular guys. Hung guys will have sex only with other hung guys. Hairy guys will have sex only with other hairy guys. Guys who use poppers will have sex only with guys who also use poppers.

    Get the picture?

  • we have too many limits but it seems the one that needs to have a limit , since its a matter of life or a chronic disease or death sentence, no limit there and it is bare backing. Our population is a microcosm of the world at large, not focusing and being angry about the right stuff and no one speaking up as a true leader.

  • As the community grows and more people are comfortable coming out and being themselves there’s more opportunity to be selective. You don’t have to hookup with person A because there are a bunch more who may be available. No longer is it whatever you can get. Sites like A4A combined with more out (or semi out) people mean it’s whatever you want.

    And let’s be honest. Most of the people who complain about the exclusionary categories are those who fit into one or more of them. Spend less time wondering why someone isn’t interested and more time finding someone who is.

  • It’s great when guys list their laundry list of “must haves” and “no …” and “only …” in their profiles. It means moving easily onto the next profile.

  • I think you make an excellent point:

    though I maybe guilty myself for being “discerning”, I have seen all of this creep in more and more. Unfortunately, we have reached a point of unprecedented acceptance socially- outside our community- while at the same time we have turned to self-loathing and discrimination towards our fellow brothers

    …. respect and acceptance is badly needed within our own community

  • Way too much limits. We are just a bunch of uptight bunch of online fools who place a limit on everything at times so pathetic. Take the ads that states’ will not respond to Hi, How are you , What’s up “…what wrong with someone asking how r u ? For people who have been persecuted and discriminated by society for so long, we have so much limits and rule you would never think the online community can be so vicious with rules and limits so disgusting. how about the ones- Open your picture BEFORE you contact me ?! what does that say ? tragic!

  • BRAVO LEGION!
    I am glad someone else see’s the gay lifestyle as I do here these days. Thanks for laying it out there for todays fellow gay men. I believe the gay men of today are more judgement minded then the str8t world is of us today. Most of us are AVERAGE men, and yet we expect perfection in others. “Whatsup Wit Dat” :)We have become a very self centered community. Thanks again LEGION for putting it out there.

  • You’re absolutely right. Ads read like someone’s ordering a pizza or fitting you for a wedding dress.

  • As you conclude, we are “gay, horny and want sex”. We all have our likes/dislikes and these lists while sometimes annoying, do help weed out those that aren’t our “types”. Saves wasting time on both ends if it isn’t a sex match.

    IF THE PERSON EVEN BOTHERS TO READ THE COMPLETE PROFILE

    While I have it mentioned I think 3 times in various profiles (the Headline, status area and prob in at least another area that I am Poz (undetectable), when I bring it up in the convo…can’t tell you how many times the guy has replied…”wait, you’re POZ??? Sorry, deal-breaker for me!”

  • if nobody wants to fuck you, it’s on you to make the changes to make yourself more desirable. society isn’t going to change for you.

  • I’m of the opinion that for many of those with the “ultra-specific” criteria, it’s a matter of wanting to re-create something they’ve lost: an old b/f, a quick-fuck who gave them a made-up phone number, or whatever. In any case, I think it’s an attempt to recover or re-live something that was special in some way, but is now gone (and likely not re-creatable).

    Lest you think I’m judging them, I’ve been there — for years after losing touch with someone I truly loved, I tried to date only Asian guys. Not surprisingly, none of them held a candle to my lost Tangy (his nic-name). But alas, he was the one I loved the most, but couldn’t have. (Hell, it’s been 15 years since I’ve laid eyes on him, and I STILL carry a torch for this dude!)

  • I don’t think there is anything wrong with being clear in your profile about the types of guys you’re into or the activities you want to participate in – and clearly communicate boundaries and deal breakers. That being said, the seemingly extreme limitations some guys add to their profile shows how closed minded and shallow some can be. The bigger concern, in my opinion, is the attitude behind these profiles. “You’re different from me, and I think I’m better than you,” only serves to divide the gay community more than it is. How can we expect the straight community to respect us when we don’t even respect each other? Bears and jocks and twinks and everyone else – play nice with each other! Limiting that profile very well could prevent you from meeting a great guy.

  • I think it’s a good thing to be selective about who you put your cock into.

  • Most people try to convince themselves of two things in our community, one they are not whores and two they want a functional gay relationship.

    We all now hide behind the word preference and create itemize lists of criteria, sad part the guys that actually match the things on your list aren’t interested in you as you aren’t their preference most times.

    Even if you score the guy of your itemize list, a grand pretense of getting to know him takes place. So within 2 days you chat until you know this individual life details, but knowing alot about someone doesnt make you compatible and doesnt mean you know the person.

    When we finially meet each other most of us are horny and want sex even if the guy doesn’t live up to expectations.

    The belief that because you know a bunch of random life details about your sex patner makes the hook up less of a NSA encounter is stupid but the accepted standard.

  • I agree with legion but not completely, the long list are crazy to read,rude,and annoying…but we all have preferences and we all should be able to express them. And legion ..I feel u left out the fact that Adam is all things…Not just a “hook-up”site..Adam is what you make it!!You can date,just make friends,NSA,etc…I do agree that alot of us alienate our community with the words we choose to use and doesn’t understand how insensitive they are.
    I guess there’s just a thin line between preferences & insensitivity!! So people choose your words wisely and with class and you can get whatever you want in the end!!!!

  • Thanks for saying what i have been thinking for s couple of years now
    These guys with all the limitations and requirements are missing out on some really fun, nice great guys.
    I understand people are attracted to a certain type. I too, have a certain type of guy that i am attracted too, but i am never rude, mean or obnoxious about it. i keep my requirements in my head , no one needs to know them. I never want to make someone feel bad for being born a certain height, race, or time.
    One of the worst ive read was ” if you are old enough to be my fucking dad, move on”
    Its not what we say, but how we say it. And the threats of “blocking” if you do not reply/contact correctly is the most ridiculous thing. Its so stupid that its. ignorance and narcissism has replaced fun and respect on a4a surfing

  • Being south Asian I have been at the receiving end of people’s preferences and limits. But I still respect someone’s right to choose who they have sex with. Preferences might come off as rude, but they are practical and a good way to save time on a hookup site or app. If a guy doesn’t want to get dicked by me since I’m not white, it’s his preference. Same goes for dick size, age, body type, bod hair, disease status and personal hygiene. I want to enjoy sex with a person I’m attracted to. If I’m not attracted to someone 20 years older than I am then I’m doing that person a favor mentioning it on my profile rather than replying to his message and saying “sorry I’m not into guys over 50″.

  • It seems to me that people are reading the original article one of 2 ways:
    a) that people are putting in preferences at all (e.g.: I like tall, dark, and handsome men over 30), or
    b) that some are being way WAY over the top with specifics (e.g.: must be white, over 6′ tall, smooth chested, packing at least 9″ uncut, have a good job, a nice car, no kids, and a solid retirement account)

    In the former case, I’m all for it — your profile should be specific about who you’re looking for so that you’re not inundated with messages from people you aren’t (or won’t be) interested in!

    In the latter case, I just laugh and move on (even if I match their criteria to a Tee!) — these are the people I alluded to earlier… that I believe are trying to recreate something that most likely can’t be recreated.

    Of course, there are some profiles that are in a “grey area” between being clear about likes & dislikes vs. ordering a pizza!

    We’re all unique… the rainbow as the symbol of our community was well chosen, even if that is lost on the majority of A4A users!

  • I totally agree with statement of too many limits, however I do feel as tho. The ones with the most limits are often the ones that have nothing to offer.This site was originally intended for fun and frolic. But as fate would have it , taken over by a bunch airhead queens with nothing better then to get it twisted with a date to marry site to which with all their limits will never find anybody and become old hags still searching for the pot of gold.

  • First let me state that after reading all the responses, I am not saying it is just about Sex alone! I am saying that it is not just one site or the other, it is the gay community as a whole.

    I have dated and had sex with everything from Drag Queens to Chubs, Cubs, Bears, Jocks, and Muscled out men. I was a Master for 8 years and a boi for six years.

    I don’t see people as there outward appearance, But see them as a Whole. having a limit is great but if you cannot even communicate about the limit, or stop even a simple talk then you have cut yourself off from learning about someone.

    When you can’t even be bothered to say “Hello” when someone compliments you on something in your profile (Common Ground), or on your physique, a simple “Thank You” would be the appropriate social thing to do.

    The comments about me fitting into any of these categories, and then responding to those who are feeling the same way, is my “Case in point” As a society we have come to the point of “Disconnected” and non-sociable in every aspect of “face to Face” meaning completely impersonal.

    You are basing everything you know about a person on some checked boxes, when in reality there are people out there that could not only stimulate you Personally, Professionally, Sexually, And emotionally! Case in point making assumptions about why I wrote the blog!

    When you put yourself into a box or others into a box you cut yourself off from exploring the opportunities of friendship, Networking, and most of all the possibility of something that could be great.

    And for those of you that commented on “Change” to meet someone else’s expectations! This right here is the superficial statements I am talking about.

    I was almost 400lbs at one point in my life, I was shunned from all walks, and was a beautiful person inside but no one could or would give me a chance. So I worked out, lost the weight, stopped smoking for a time, did the all that our superficial society wanted me to do. I went into the military and got “Buff” and motivated.

    you know what it brought me? More of the same issues, and added to the fact that I was not happy with myself because I changed to meet “Criteria” I finally learned it is not the person on the outside but the person on the inside that matters for Friendship, Sex, and more.

    For those that spoke about the clubs and the “Art” I agree, it is nice to go out and chat someone up, the stairs the glances, the smiles. Even if it didn’t work out, you made a connection on more then a “superficial” level.

  • well thank God I’m not the only one that thinks this way!!! I live in a “gay Mecca” and the attitudes and pure lack of community is depressing and disgusting. how many of those profiles say they’re looking for a”decent,honest nice guy?” when they can’t be that themselves-even to say thank u for a simple compliment! and to just have casual sex? u’d think u were filling out a police report. I’ve given up looking for anything where I live-gay men are too shallow and vain. it’s a wonder we’ve gotten as far as we have so far. or have we gone backward?

  • I too miss the good ole days when things were a lot easier. Now we have preferences, yet I find those with the most preferences are still alone. Perhaps their preference don’t prefer them, IJS. As gay people, we need to deal in truth, not fantasy. The truth is there are no perfect guys. In fact, I have discovered those I choose to ignore or deem a turnoff are usually very good in bed. Those with experience have had the encounter of the guy with the pretty face but little dick or flat butt, or no sex skills. Likewise, most have experienced the ugly faced guy with the banging body, dick/butt, head, etc. In truth it is rare to find the perfect guy(beautiful face, body, dick/butt, sex skills, etc). If we are lucky, we get one or two of the things we desire the most. While looking for the perfect guy is ok, we should not limit ourselves to our preferences only. Open up and live a little, that’s all I’m saying.

  • While I understand some people have certain basic things they are attracted to, I do strongly feel that a lot of guys go waaaay overboard. There are a lot of guys who won’t so much as talk to you unless you are 18-22 and athletic. Really?

    It’s as if they are scared they might accidentally fall in love with a guy that is old and/or fat. I don’t have to tell you how much that sounds like the homophobic “straight” guy who is scared he will get hit on by another guy- and we all know why that is. Some guys are too much about image and not enough about being a decent human being.

    Even if you think you are not attracted to a certain type, someone might come along and surprise you. Why do our standards have to be so iron clad? I mean I can understand Iron clad when it comes to practical things like distance, disease, and drug use; but beyond that is just silly.

    To the prissy standards guys, let me say this:
    That fatty or oldie that you turned down for being fat or a little older might have been the love of your life. Contemplate that when you are still looking for Mr. Right 20 years later.

  • I know I have my preferences, but I’m not gonna turn down a good time just because the guy doesn’t have the right eye color or night the right color of skin, whether the guy is pale white or golden bronze. It’s the guys personality and the fun we have together

  • the gay community we live in nowadays has created a lot of this by turning guys into primadonnas. Why do too many guys feel they need to dress and look like Justin Bieber?.

  • Legion is forgetting the most important aspect of the site: SEX! A4A will NEVER and should NEVER be a traditional social media website like FaceBook, MySpace, or twitter, which have various identities and uses. The Primary use of this website to to HOOKUP!Creating friendships and just chatting is fun too on this site….BUT CRUISING is the No. 1 reason people use this site. I have been attracted to guys who were not attracted to me and vice versa. The point is to move on to the next attraction.Just like in a bar or club. Limits are not just physical but mental/emotional as well. It is what it is!

  • Wow. Very true… no T no shade.

  • “drug and diease free”

    This is the phrase that makes no sense to me. I understand the limitations people have, this one makes no sense to me because not everyine is going to disclose their status. Even if they post their status, it is not a guarantee of truth. I am 40 yrs (I don’t look it), HIV+ (undetectable), and black that doesn’t disclose my status. I do not have any limitations, but I do have preferences. I feel that if you should meet someone, that should be the time to tell your status. We limit ourselves when we place limitations

  • The “Good Old Days” are gone, because most of the people who didn’t have any real standards, except low ones, are DEAD, and some of you refuse to learn from that example, especially the drug, PNP crowd. I agree it’s split, some of you will have sex with anyone, or anything, and you fly that flag high, those that are turned off by it, or have some self respect, wonder why everyone else need s to revolve their lives around YOUR ego.

  • Nice, my post was deleted, nice to see that when screaming about DIVERSITY, you won’t let others have it, and fit into your own little boxes, when it doesn’t agree with you. Bitter grapes. After reading these responses, there is a lot of hypocrisy, many of you agree, and then state your own personal list of likes and dislkes, and stating them as being “obvious” (to whom) so what’s the difference? You are the ones perpetuating labels, and narrow rigid fields, and none ot is exclusive to any “community”, or sub group, within a sub-group. Some people just don’t want to have sex with you, and for good reasons, and they aren’t your business.

  • Maxwell Head
    April 27, 2014 at 18:54:
    “I´m not into a lot of types and yeah, the dude better be English speaking (last time I looked, this is the U.S.).”

    SCREW YOU!

    As a person that was born in the United States and uses AMERICAN Sign Language, not English (English = England) on a daily basis, your commentary reeks of audism and colonialism.

    Thanks a lot, PAL!

  • In other words you don’t like the preference list and you only want the easy laid. You’re in luck there’s plenty of that in Craigslist and any incomplete profiles with no face shot and blank HIV status in all the so called hookup sites. Who says that’s is not your preference? Even if I’m not religious I still pray for your future of good health and sanity.

  • who knew a4a is a barbie dream date site? Hey buddy i want to suck your dick not marry you!!!

  • I can understand to a degree some people having preferences, I have just a couple myself. I don’t want someone old enough to be my dad and I don’t like smokers or fat guys. I workout and I don’t want some guy that’s going to tire out and smells or taste nasty, I’m a freak and quite frankly the only smell I want off a guy is the smell of hot sex, that’s all. I don’t want some nasty bummy guy that smells of Pyramid cigarettes and shit to be banging me especially if he expects me to suck his dick, just saying. Otherwise I just want a fat long cock to pound me, also there’s nothing wrong with wanting a guy to be ddf and safe.

  • Although I think preference are fine and a basic part of life, the line has to be drawn when people attack you personally after they read your profile and you’ve never even looked at theirs. Being Poz is a major issue, add being over 45 and having to contend with caring for elderly parents and not being able to just jump at the drop of a hat for people seems to some how offend them. How? Why? I’m not sure, but the problem I have is that when a person on this site is attacked without provocation and you do report the abuser nothing is done. I’m all for freedom of speech but don’t put your shit on me because I’m not putting mine on you. We are supposed to be adults but so many act like Jr. High School Girls and no guys it’s not attractive. If you don’t like what you read in a profile you look at then just close the damn window and move on, they aren’t harming you so why try to hurt them especially if you are looking at their profile when they have never looked at yours. There are a lot of things I read I don’t agree with but it’s not my place to tell a total stranger I hope they rot in hell and die a horrible death because I disagree with them or their “Standards”. Okay, soap box is free. NEXT!

  • I’ve been amazed by the menu items for quite some time. Profiles are meant to inform but few read. I love it when a guy says no one over 35 and they hit me up. I have in the past said very hot,nice but alas im over 35. Their reply oh your ok. Lol and im very endowed dont get me started on that one.

  • Well I am a 62 year old male who just came out of the closet 2 months ago.

    I am looking for friends first of all, sex and a LTR eventually.

    I am at a loss on what to do. All the profiles automatically exclude me because of my age.

    So if anyone can tell me where to go just to find a group of gay friends, I would love to know where that is.

  • Wow! I think everyone has a right to feel and say what fits them.It lets you know who they are .IfI read a guy with a lot of things he doesn’t like in his profile instead of what he likes (I don’t put any preferences in my profile except that I think chemistry builds when people share interests)it’s a negative way to sell yourself but I don’t have a problem with it.I let people be themselves.If a guy is rude to the waiter then I know what I need to know about him :I wont prepare him by saying”Oh and make sure you are polite to the waiter!The quicker you find out who people are or are trying to be the better.I read at least 35 or 40 of these replies because i know how people feel and I love to get feedback on the zeitgeist(that’s why I take my dates to movies to see how they think).It hurts when someone is rude in their profile to minorities like asians or over 40 but we gay people are just being stupid and human.It’s not just gay en all people act exclusionary.We all know a blowjob is better if the guy is hot so I disagree that a4a is only for sex-I love chatting with other gay men even if I have no intention of meeting.I dont use facebook or twitter or craigslist so maybe Im missing out on potential dates but I say let people be who they are .If they start pretending to be politically correct it will just take longer to discover their true colors.

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