9 Apr 2014

Speak Out : Are You Out?

Category: Speak Out

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I’ve been out since I’m 18! Not by choice though…I’m sure some of you guys struggled too or are still worried about what others will say or think about their sexual orientation.

I was raised in a very religious baptist family, my dad was a preacher…It was clear for us that we had to be the perfect kids. No sex before wedding, no drugs, no alcool so don’t even think about being gay. My aunt, my mother’s sister, is lesbian. I was always “her favorite”. She was covering me with gifts for my birthdays, Valentine’s day, Easter and Christmas. My brother and sister were always a bit pissed they were not getting anything… It was her way to tell me “you are not alone and you are loved”! 

When I turned 17, I moved in a big city to “study”. It was actually to start living my life as a gay man. I started going out, made gay friends, had sex…it was a new life for me. At home, nobody knew I was gay, except my aunt. So telling people I was gay was like deliverance. One day I received a call from this lady, from church, that I’ve known since I’m a kid. She saw me growing up at church and was friend with my parents. She told me that her daughter saw me in a gay club and she wanted to know if I was gay or if I was just there with other people. She reminded me that “god doesn’t like homosexuality and I could go to hell for being gay”. I admitted to her that I was gay. She then gave me 2 options, to tell my parents, or else she would do it. I was mad at her, I was not ready to tell my parents yet.

One week later, I received a call from my mom, she was crying her heart out. My parents came visit me and cried for hours, trying to convince me that it was wrong. They even paid a full year of psychologist to “change” me…. I was fucked up!

Now 13 years later, I am out to everyone. Being gay for me is not a big deal anymore, just a facet of my personality. But I’m sure some of you are still scared or shy to come out of the closet right?

Are you guys out? When did you do it? How was it? Are you still in the closet? Would you like to get some advices from other members? Any help?

Let me know

Dave

92 comments for Speak Out : Are You Out?

  • what business was it of hers? What a bitch, who was her to tell your parents? BTW your aunt was a great lady

  • I never came out to anyone but my family,especially the ones i grew up with just knew n alerted the elders without giving them a choice,i had all the support i needed,n could nt careless about those who were n still against my sexuallity.
    Before comming start accepting urself first n be ready for the outcome better or worse, not everybody will hate or love you. Good luck guy.

  • redfish7: That lady’s husband was a Deacon, aspiring to be preacher one day….so i think this was her trick… real bitch indeed.

  • i am out came out when i was 30 it was hard to tell people only person i was afraid of telling was my dad but he was the most okay with it of all my mom still tries to set me up with girls.

  • I am probably going to get booed off this website, but “Coming out”. Is it necessary for everyone to label themselves? “Oh I am gay”, or “I am bi”, or any other emotional sexual behavior or transgendered emotions that we might have. The respond I have when I ask that question is: so we are true to ourselves or so other feel the same way. Everyone knows that, but labeling ourselves is it really necessary? I personally dont like when some introduces themselves and then adds, “oh yeah, and I am gay.” Really? Is that necessary? Straight people dont go around introducing themselves as straight. It feels like most of the time to be accepted in the gay community, you have to be out.

  • I told my best friend first at 16 (even when i knew before that i was attracted to men), my mother & brothers at 18, my dad at 21, and rest of family and friends later. To me being gay was just one peice of the puzzle that makes me.. I control being gay it does not control me. Though i grew up in a strict religious household my family just wanted me to be happy and that means that I have to be honest with myself & love myself in order to be happy. The only thing i reget about being gay is all these stereotypes and labels that comes with being gay, not to mention how superfacial & vain alot of men are, otherwise my life was been full with fun, laughs, cries, highs, lows, and everything in between. I won’t change it for nothing.. Even though I’m HIV positive now (one year celebration April 26)I still live my life as though I am negative (doesn’t mean i have unprotected sex. I got HIV through a blood transfusion not through sex).. It was about how i could fix it and move on, not why did it happen to.. Me being has brought me many great friends, times, adventures, and things i probably would not be able to do if i was closested or dl. I meant plenty of people who i have inspired & inspired me for being gay.. Being has opened doors for me and have closed many doors for me and when i come to a door thats close, dayum it i go through the window or blow the door down.. Lol.. What i can say for certain is this…. The more i think i know about being gay the more i realize i have alot to know..

  • Nice story- but sad. I am not out- i live in a very small town- closed-minded folks

  • Why was her daughter at a gay club?

  • Like you, I come from a similar background. I’ve had male leaning urges since I was in elementary school and I tried my best to shake them. Growing up in the 80′s, you had to be closeted……and if anyone suspected you to prefer guys, you were ostracized without mercy – and for me, when this happened, it was mostly females giving a hard time. And in high school, if they didn’t see you trying to finger bang or get into the panties of one of the girls at school, you were assumed to be gay – and it was mostly one of the “the ladies” back then who would point this out to the student body.
    I’m 40 now and I had my first gay sex encounter with a guy when I was 32. It took me that long to experience it, but what brought me to that point was that I couldn’t see myself living a lie and marrying a woman just to save face. If I got married and still had those urges, then I would impact my wife and then the truth of the situation would be clear: I’m living a lie and I am dragging someone else into my confusion. That’s not fair and I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me. After my first encounter, suffice it to say, I liked it! The guy was as hung as a horse and sucked me off every time we met (and I met him on this site!).
    To this date, I have only come out to 1 person: My best friend. He’s non-judgmental and “gets it.” My parents and family members – NEVER. My dad is one of those types who believes that any person who has same sex attraction should never have been born and that they will go to hell. He HATES gays with a vengeance. What’s interesting about this is that his sister was a lesbian at one point in her life, and he still has issues with her for “experimenting” (and these people are over 65 years old!). Most of my family members feel that they can work with a gay person, but heaven forbid if a family member were gay. So for me, the damage that comes from “coming out” to family is far worst than being closeted. Based on their actions and such, things wouldn’t get better – I would simply need to leave town, disconnect from everyone and start a new life as a recluse.
    It hurts and the more depression that I sink into about life and drama that goes on, the more I log on here to find a guy to connect with in order to make a connection (not just sexually). I would like everyone to accept me, so even if I’m wrong to like guys, the least family and friends could do is love me and let me live my journey. Pray for me, but don’t condemn me – because, maybe I’ll have an awakening of some sort down the road…. Who knows?
    The reality is this: No one enjoys being lonely and those of us who are closeted are that way for a reason: We want friendship and guy sex for the companionship. Those that have friends and relatives who hate those who are gay make it very hard for us to exist.
    That bitch who outed you is the epitome of evil. Someday she will stand before her maker and explain her actions. It was none of her business to do that to you and I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that with your parents. I tried putting myself in your shoes (in my thoughts) trying to imagine what that must have been like. Utter hell.

  • I came out to my parents when I was 14! They weren’t at all surprised! There was not any need to tell my siblings or any of my friends. I guess I never had a close relationship with fear. The only disadvantage to coming out so early is finding out all the, ‘tricks of the trade’ and becoming jaded. I have been single the last 10 years and am beginning to lose hope at finding a real man who wants to love me. Don’t regret it though because it prevented me from cursing the lovers I have had to webs of lies.

  • I also grew up in a religious home where my Dad was the preacher. My dad kicked me out when I came out, I was 16, and we still haven’t spoken to this day, I am 29 and I am my Dad’s only son. My Mom says she has no problems with gays but “they” shouldn’t be allowed to marry. Bitch. :)

  • I agree with the comments Kevin made….. Straight people or so-called straight people….don’t go around saying …oh hey i’m straight…so why should a gay person….?? I think we had enough labels put on us ..we don’t need anymore !!!!!

  • I don’t consider “coming out” as a grand announcement, but not hiding one’s true self. Being able to walk hand in hand with your boyfriend or spouse, things some take for granted.

  • I’ve been out since my Senior year of high school. My family are very accepting. I basically told them that who I take to bed is none of their business. I don’t mettle in your personal lives so don’t mettle in mine.

  • I have never divulged who I was sleeping with. Either men or women. Frankly, I just don’t think its that interesting or a class thing to do. I don’t know why anyone feels the need to shove their interests in everyone else’s face. And I know its no ones business but me and the men and or women I have and do have sex with. Always play safe guys!!

  • I’m out and been out since I was 24. Told my BFF at the time and still is ” give me dick or give me death”. And she replied ” finally !!!” My mom has always known and has alway accepted me as me !!

  • Yeah I’m out. I’d been out for years when I did it at 29, but it was never official. I never came out to my family, but I was definitely gay and admitting it to people who asked when I was 26. Once I was out to the family, I started having a better life. It meant no more sneaking around or subterfuge or being something I wasn’t. All thanks to Oliver Fishe did I start accepting myself. And very little changed from my family’s perspective – they KNEW well before I even had a word for it.

  • I agree with Kevin……being gay does not define me…..being the person i am is how I would like to be judged or thought of. it was definitely selfish of the “church lady” to speak to the parents but I think in the eyes of devout church people she saw it as the right thing to do…Not caring about the pain or hurt it might cause.
    I told my family when I was in my early 20′s. They simply said they always kind of new and supported me with no difference at all. I would guess that some of my friends suspect but are respectful enough not to make it an issue.

  • Im not out and im bi. Its noones business what my choice is. You should like or love someone regardless if their preferences. My close friends know im bi but my family doesnt even tho my parents accused me of it. I got the ” we dont care if you are we just dont wanna know” speech.

  • I was so tired to come out that I finally gave up and decided it was not very important since no one seem to remember unless it becomes a gossip. LOL.

    I first told my parents that I was gay when they asked me at 18, if I had a girlfriend. Then I came out again at 23 when my father asked if I had changed. And my brother decided that I was just going thru a phase as a young man. Then at 28… I had to do it at the family Christmas get together since I was grown and settled.

    Last year I had to come out to my cousin who said she heard the rumors. I have given up…. coming out… I should just buy I shirt that says I have been out since 1990.

  • I’m divorced and have kids. I’ve been bisexual, now I’m gay. When I got divorced I was unsure how to tell people. What do you say to distant relatives? I have no siblings and my parents are gone. My current friends are either gay or not close enough to discuss who I fuck. Who exactly would I come out to??

  • This story upsets me on so many levels. I am glad that the guy was able to be comfortable in his own skin, HOWEVER, the only reason it was a problem was because of religious bias’. To have someone “out” a person is a form of persecution. I was fortunate to have been born into an accepting family which say homosexuality as a non-issue.

    This story left me feeling angry and wanting.

    SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT!

  • dear kevin, BOOOOOOO

  • I came out at 19 when living thousands of miles away from home, where I really didn’t know many people. I later went back in the closet when I moved back to my hometown. Got married to a woman and had 2 amazing children and was married for 10 years before I got sick if lying to everybody, I met a great guy who I am now married to and he and I are raising the 2 amazing boys together with no help from the mother who abandoned them due to her hatred for gays

  • My adult children say schoolmates started announcing they were gay in 6th grade. Nobody cared they were gay. What was annoying was that those announcing it were all militant about it. All of a sudden any negative feedback they were given became an issue of “because I’m gay.”

    It’s 2014. Being gay is not the big controversial deal it once was…except for those who feel a need to keep that fire burning.

  • This is to TJ, I sure would like to chat with you, sounds like you and I are and in the same boat for sure. jtrukenone

  • I’m out to family many of them don’t talk to me don’t want there kids around me I laugh at them for the ignorance. It don’t bother me that they feel that way it’s just sad I’m still the same person I just rather to be with men. Coming out was rather easy for me cause I really don’t care how people feel or think about me and at the end of the day it’s just me when I die it’s just me, don’t be afraid of who you are just be the best human you can be and know that only you can make yourself happy. The gay life isn’t easy but it’s what you make it. (Always use condoms they save lives also know your statue)

  • I have always been out although it cost me many things I did not lay down for no one. Family who did not want me around and those who banned me from my grandmother’s funeral to a father who could not except me till he was dieing to a wishie washie c mother who stood by my side to now speaking to her bigoted fass Sister.
    But in the face of all that and much more I still am happy and proud I have friends who love me as family and the feeling is the same
    Work accepts me for who I am.
    I am a gay male and I am proud

  • Yeah i can relate to that as well. Its tough trying to make heads or tails with your sexuality, especially when your family is Catholic. I tried telling my parents when i was 22, mom cried saying I’m not going have kids, ur not going to Heaven, and its not clean. Ever since that moment and till this day, we forget the whole thing and they deny it. Still love my family to the ends of the earth but every time i visit, that Scenario would come back to my head and I feel myself around them. So technically, Im not fully out. Still fighting, and still exploring =P

  • try living your entire life as a lie getting married having kids (thank god my life’s wish ) and continuing on like that living two separate lives everyone unknowing but you for ever or till death ,

  • I was 11 when I realized I was gay. I was fully aware then of my attraction to boys. And so I hid it, I pushed it deep down inside. And I butched it up. I did everything possible to keep my secret to myself. Then, by the time I turned 23, I decided to face who I was. I found a shrink and I remember telling him “I think I’m homosexual and I don’t want to be.”. His response…I think I can help you. His first instructions in helping me was to go home and nt a bunch of straight porn and ” masturbate a storm ” while watching chicks getting fucked. I said ok, but I left feeling even more hopeless than before because I knew deep down inside that I couldn’t change who I was. I just wanted someone to validate me…to say that I was ok and that there was nothing wrong with me. So I continued hiding…and then eventually began having sex…while still denying who I was. Finally in 1991, I came out. Boy did I start a firestorm in my family. I thought I would lose them all. But most stood beside me and accepte me unconditionally. It was fucking painful. Now, I’m completely out. And the diends and family I have now are the best. Each of us has our journey…a story unique to each of us. I am never going back. I am happy with who I am.

  • i am to my family everyone dont need to kno my business

  • I’m out but it sure was a long process. I’m now going to be 50 years old and came out when in was 36. I had been married 15 years, and 2 children later. I always knew I was gay and actually started having sex at 11 years old, obviously with that taboo older man or men in my case.I wish I had been able to come out when I was 18!
    It didn’t take long for my family to accept it,in fact always knew. Why can’t we talk about things like this. I always tell my kids to be happy with who they are! Both well adjusted, with two gay parents. Yes my ex wife also came out, not aseasy of a road for her tthough her family was not as accepting

  • Not out. Cause its not an issue

  • exactly who is she to judge you ? that any one who tells some they are going to hell becuase they are gay is leing there no thing in theentire bible that say baing gay is sin that shit I to tell people im gay they now and if thy the cant tell o o well

  • I am married but often fantasize about men and have sucked a few off. I know if i make my feelings known my wife will leave me and take my daughter away and i couldnt live with that but very often i email other men and exchange pics and want to suck them so badly. I will probably never be open about my sexuality tho.

  • I can’t understand” coming out” because I was” never in!!! ” I guess I have been one of the luckiest persons I know . I have heard some very sad stories about coming out and glad that I didn’t have to go thru that. I knew that I like men at the age of 5 and also my parents knew so it wasn’t ever a big deal . The town I grew up all excepted me for me again no big deal. I guess someone is looking after me!

  • I see the statement “Why does it matter? People don’t announce their straight!” coming up already. Well no shit! In a majority straight world, it’s already assumed, why would someone announce that? It’s about like someone walking up to a stranger and saying “Hi! I’ve never had necrotizing facitis.”

    The world would be a lot better if people would show who they really are. My only guess is a lot of these gay men would probably be ashamed to expose how big a whore they are.

  • Here I am again after reading some of the posts, especially one guy that is 40, and is only out to his best friend. I know the hardest thing for someone is to lose family, in death, or by disownment, but don’t you have the right to be happy?
    I told my family if they couldn’t accept me I didn’t need them, sometimes people need to be told, otherwise your entire life is a lie, you going to wait until they die to enjoy, and possibly love someone?

  • I am out for the most part. My parents know (and adore my partner of 10 years), my grandma knew (and considered my partner as an adopted grandson…..by the way, in her later years she became a “self proclaimed fag hag” bless her). My extended family knows and despite the fact that many of them are Republican Catholics, they don’t mind/care.

    I am not out at work, per se, and thats just my personal choice because personally I don’t think it is their business. Granted, if someone at work asked if I was gay, I wouldnt deny it.

  • Never saw need to tell anyone. I don’t see guys or girls standing on tables yelling “I’m straight” why should I yell I’m gay. I don’t lie if someone asks I say yes but other then that I just live my life deal with the rejection from straight guys I ask out by mistake thinking they are gay and the thrill of asking a guy out that is gay, or being asked out. It is fine it is getting to the point that nobody cares if your gay and that what we want a world where nobody cares. I admit there is a long way to go but it is already starting that way. Sometimes I think prejudice is kept alive buy those that experienced it. And it is not until those that experience extreme prejudice are gone that it can truly die out. So those gay children being born today will never need to experience the same prejudice as we do today. And as some as we those that experienced prejudice and hold into as a badge of honor that only serve as a reminder keeping alive are gone will gay truly be accepted as normal.

  • I’m out, for the most part.
    Mostly to anybody that asks me – I won’t deny it. To those I don’t care to know about me I’m I guess still in the closet. But there are many people (mostly relatives that don’t know. And only because I’m not really close with them so my life is mine and I care not for them to be a part of it at all).

  • I came out at 24, when my best friend sat me down and made me admit it to him. It was his way to make me admit it to myself, to end the inner turmoil that made me very guarded around people. And it worked. It was easier to meet new friends and be open and honest with them about everything. With my family and people I grew up with in my small town, I’m unapologetic about it. If they don’t think it’s “right,” they are not part of my life. I have plenty of people who are. And while I may not write it on my resume or announce it on a placard around my neck, I will let you know that I AM a gay man, if you ask, and it really is part of who I am.

  • The only member of my family that I actually said “I’m gay” to was my oldest brother, when I was 18. He’s pretty religious and his response was, “You just haven’t tried girls enough”.

    As for the rest of the family, they know even though I’ve never outright said it. My father conveniently ignores it and my mother doesn’t bring it up, but it’s there.

    I don’t feel the need to tell them, really. None of my siblings went to them and said, “Mom? Dad? I’m straight!” Why do I have to tell them I’m gay? Now, if I have someone special in my life, then that’s something different. I’d want to bring him home and make him a part of my life, just like my siblings did with their spouses. But true equality and acceptance isn’t me having to name my sexuality to people when no one else does. I am me. Accept me for who I am and not because of who I sleep with.

  • Can’t come out. It would destroy my son
    He is more important than I could ever be

  • Great post that could not have come at a better time dave! I am a masculine guy in my early 20s and am out to a few close friends but I still have trouble accepting myself for my preferences. I only date guys that are 15+ years older than me and i am not attracted to guys my own age. I feel like I can’t bring my BF around my friends because of this age difference, I think it’d be too big a deal for them to wrap their heads around the age descrepency. This is also why I am not out to family because twant would want to meet whoever I was with and I would feel like they would not accept my choices because of this. I know that I’m not the only one in this position does anyone have any advice on this topic? I think I need to find some gay friends to talk to about this with but it seems like every guy on here is only lookin for one thing, SEX not friendship. Apologies for the long post but thank you for reading (-:

  • i’m 59 and hornier than ever, not out but that door was nearly kicked off the hindges last year met HOT GUY WAS WITH HIM FOR almst 9 months.i thought he was THE ONE.my family loved him my sister in law comment how hot he is,another month or 2 with him was going to tell them,didnt work out so still here lookin again.BTW I met him here.Dean

  • racingfan24 except for your choice of drivers been a racing fan since I was 9 when the neighbors down the street fired up their dirt track car hooked ever since . btw ford fan and a BK fan

  • I’m 25 and I’m only out to my family and a few close friends.
    Last spring, right after finals, I decided I would come out to my family. My parents and brothers live away from me so I did a group text and an email to my dad. I said I was doing it via text because I didn’t think it was something that should be a big deal. They were all 100% supportive.

    I was outed to a few people, and in the process of screaming at the person, I came out to a few of my friends I was with. They were completely supportive too.

    I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t fully come out. At this point I don’t deny it if someone asks, but I don’t want to do something like make a Facebook announcement because I don’t want to be known as the gay kid; I don’t want it to define who I am. Like many have said, it’s just 1 aspect of my personality.
    Part of me is afraid to come out because I don’t need any big things happening in my life. I’m a grad student and I’m stressed out enough as is. Another part of me is afraid of losing relationships. I know this is stupid because real friends would stand by my side and support me, but the fear is still there. Ultimately, I’m not emotionally ready yet. Once I graduate and move to a city, I’ll live openly gay since I’ll be able to start a new life. Until then it’s the closet and slowly coming out to people.

  • I am not out….nor do I desire to be…I like it that way

  • Labels or not, I now see the signs back into the early days of my life. Went the “normal” process of marriage for many years and finally quit lying to myself just in the last five years. Regrets?? maybe some, but life is what we live every day, and I’m thankful for each of those days. You can’t change the past.

    Dave, speaking as a man of faith, I’m very sorry for the misguided actions of the church lady, but thankful your Aunt was placed in your life.

    I am me. I’m working “out” to find who that is. It’s is a process, at times out of our control. I do rest well knowing there his a host of those in this brotherhood on the same journey.

  • That’s such a lousy term. I’m not “out” but I’m not in either. I don’t run around telling anyone and I don’t make it obvious, but I wouldn’t hide it if someome asked.

    When was the last time someone came out as straight? Never – because that’s ridiculous. That’s exactly how I feel about “coming out” – ridiculous. I am who I am … and letting people know I’m gay isn’t going to change who I am.

  • I am Bisexual and I am now 44 years old. I came out to my parents after my first year of college when I was almost 19 years old. Mom took it best and worst, Dad still thinks I am part of the “Dark side”(as in the evil part of the force) but he accepts it ok and my brothers are cool with everything, however I am not involved in the non straight lifestyle. I am registered and vote Republican usually and still have and live the conservative life my parents raised me to live, with the exception of whom I happen to sleep with…but only occassionally as I have only dated 2 men and both were long term, not the usual one night stand one so often finds in the non straight community. (5 and 3 years each so far). I will tell anyone that I am not straight if they ask but I do not usually feel the need to divulge whom I sleep with partly because I can live in either world (straight or gay) and not have it effect me that much. Anyway, thats my story…I think people should divulge if they are gay straight or bi if it will help someone else out but not just to make a point in general. Comment away, I have thick skin and get nasty comments all the time from people who think contrary to whatever I think that I am not “Like them or not enough like them” whatever that means.

  • I simply would like add to TJ’s message.

    TJ, the message you wrote was perfect in regards to my situation. It was about 95% accurate to my situation. I agree, some of us remain closeted because we know the repercussions of doing so outweigh the benefits. I have made a decision to myself to spend the rest of my life in solitude. I do not plan on getting married because no woman deserves being pulled into a web of lies; especially marry her and knowing your thoughts will be about being w/ another man.

    The same concept when it comes to dating another man. You cannot be in a relationship if you cannot be honest w/ yourself or unable to give all of yourself to them. Some people want to know everything about their significant others. If you cannot take them home, meet your family (not because they hate you for being gay) because they do not know about your true lifestyle then a rift will always exist between two people.

    I do not ever plan on coming out nor do I plan on ever being in a relationship. This is when being ugly has it’s advantages. Being a single guy in your mid-30s & having no children does raise eyebrows. This is when being unattractive creates a nice alibi. In my case when someone asks me why I am still single, I can simply reply with, “Look at ugly I am. Who’s going to date an ugly slob like me?”. I have never had the typical superficial good looks gay men strive for. Even if I wanted to be in a relationship, it would not happen for an atrocious guy like myself.

    No shame in not wanting to coming out. People come out or stay closeted for multiple reasons. Some of us choose to be closeted & plan on staying closeted. It’s not an issue if you are not hurting someone else (i.e. marrying a woman you’re never going to love, having a children in a broken home, hiding your past/true self from your partner). Some of us are content w/ being alone & do not rely upon other people for happiness. Being fugly does help, but it might not work for the good looking guys who want to stay closeted. :)

    Stewie_Griffon

  • Any man that is just being his self i respect.more open guys meaning some of us can’t hide we just IS. it’s work some time just being yourself. people always have something to say no Matter what anyone do. thay are all cows lol .just want to be me.

  • I was very shy as a youngster, all the signs were there, and I knew in my heart that I was gay. I joined the military, to hide/deny, stayed for 20+ years. I was 37 when forced out of the closet, by my younger brother, none the less. The vindication was that both my parents fully accepted my sexuality and loved my, now husband. my hateful brother and his vile wife got theirs… my parents reduced their portion of the will… Karma is a B I O T C H!!!!

  • I came out when I was 29 I knew I was always gay but hid from society because I didn’t want anyone to think of me any differently. I dated women for awhile but I was never happy with them. my parents found out when I was dating a guy and I put pics of us together on facebook. actually quite suprsing they were ok with it. don’t hide your true identity things are changing in the us gay marriage is getting allowed in a lot of states and being accepted is different than what it was 10 years ago.

  • I am not out, I don’t think I will ever be out! I agree completely with Kevin. and have said the same thing many times. It is no one’s business what my sexual leanings are! str8 don’t walk around saying to people I am str8, or I only have sex with the opposite sex. I don’t feel it is necessary to FORCE my sexuality onto anyone else. Sex and who you have sex with should be and is a PRIVATE matter. I don’t / won’t wear my sexuality on my sleeve.

    Don’t even get me started with gay marriage… Why do so many feel the need. Let’s face it, we are FAR FROM MONOGAMOUS, so do we really want it made legal to join in a marriage. What happens when and if you break up. Has anyone give thought to the monetary separations of ASSETS! do I really want to share my life’s work, ambitions and potential wealth jsut because I share a bed with a guy who I am enamored with???? do we really want to go down THAT ROAD???? Sure, we should all have some sort of protection a “marriage of sorts” would give, re: hospitalizations, wills, etc but do we truly want all the ramifications a “marriage” would create??? I honestly don’t think many of us are really thinking this through. If someone doesn’t like the fact that I am a cocksucker, that is their right, I don’t want to force anyone to like me or suggest to anyone that he or she MUST APPROVE of my life style for then I must equally approve of their lifestyle. I just think that this whole thing is a very slippery slope and I am happy and satisfied knowing who I am and not caring nor wanting anyone else in my personal life and business!

    I know others will not see my point of view, but I say, too bad!

  • I’m not out and i never plan to “come out”. Why would i or anyone else put themselves through that? Your sexuality doesn’t determine the person u r. It only determines who you find sexually attractive. I don’t deem it necessary to open myself up to pointless criticism. Whether ur out r not, ur still r gonna b gay! Peoples opinions don’t matter in that subject. It’s more important to b true to yourself bc that’s who u have to live with.

  • I caem out the day my parents found me laying on my bed on my back with my head over the side getting face f—ked by my friend.

  • Since I’ve known I was gay, I’ve never been in denial about it. I grew up with Jehovah’s Witnesses, so at 14 I lost my family because of who I am. It’s so sick, right?

  • When I was 19 in 2001, I met my 1st bf. I had to get picked up from college 8hrs away from my house and only my dad was available. Since 8 hours in the car with my just my dad was too much for me to handle, my b/f volunteered to drive me home. So I called up my mom and told her over the phone and she was basically like, ” I know” my favorite color when i was younger was purple, and I was really into my little pony, Care Bears and Jem. I think moms always know, dads are generally more clueless.

  • Im 31 and Not out, probably never will be. Honestly dont see why anyone needs to know. I suppose im lucky that im not flamboyant and have the option of “hidding” in plain site being exactly who i am anyways. Just hasnt ever been an issue for me.

    BUT holy god my only gay friend its a huge fucking issue for him. He hates that im not out, he hates that people cant tell. He lords it over me and even threatens to out me when i ask him not to… Yeah i have no idea why im still friends with him. Probably cuz he is my only gay friend.

  • Why is it important to come out? Because the cultural presumption of heterosexuality leads to our marginalization and stigmatization.

    We only remain invisible as long as we remain silent.

    Am I out? Yes. I don’t necessarily offer the info as opening remarks, but I won’t deny it if asked.

    I think coming out should be a personal decision. The only ones who deserve to be outed against their will are closeted politicians enseeking to enact anti-lgbtq legislation.

    And if coming out puts you at risk of injury, or you’re financially dependent on someone whose opinion of you might suffer, don’t do it until your circumstances improve.

    And never come out based on anger.

  • Hell no, I’m not out!!! My wife, kid, and southern baptist raised parents will literally kill me if they ever found out!!!! Some secrets you just have to choose to die with. At least, that’s my plan……Wish me luck!!!

  • I came out partially after joining the Navy. I was away from home with an opportunity to recreate myself without the restraints of the expectations of my hometown friends and family. I told my brother first, and it went well, as expected. But I haven’t told my parents and likely won’t since I’m bi and it’s more likely to confuse them than anything.

  • Since being a preacher’s son is about religon and for most part religon is about SIN. I assume your dad was a Christian preacher. The woman that outted you appears to be possessed with the sin of jealously how did your preacher dad handle the sinful woman? I know what would happen as Catholic Christain you both would have to go to confession and as pennace both might have to pray in thearpy. In another word the alleged sin of one person is not any other person’s business.

  • yeah, my first thought was, why was her daughter at or hanging around a gay bar?

  • Everyone has their own right to live how they want,including whether they want to be ” out” or not,so i dont judge,myself, im out kinda in the ” middle” , basically if someone asks me,then i say yea..but i never make it a “thing”…i live in the south and alot of people are still raised to hate fags,so i always give them the benefit,and eventually they always like me in the end. I just never really liked how gays over exaggerate their lifestyle,mannerisms,and even the way they speak..walking like youre a wannabe runway model,and saying “yes ma’am” and ” fierce” and ” hey betch” every 2 seconds is NOT the way you were born..those are learned behaviors..anyway..yea im out lol

  • Kevin and others agreeing with him: straight people don’t announce their sexuality because people are just assumed to be straight. Correctly. We have to announce because the assumption, for us, is incorrect. So we correct it. It’s also honest, and shows some integrity. You guys honestly sound like the same people who work against our rights, the homophobes who want us to stay in the closet so there will effectively be no gay people.

    I use a person’s “out status” as an important signal of what I’m getting into. Coming out is part of growing up. If you’re not out, you’re not a grownup, and ineligible for grownup things like sex and, especially, relationships. (I mean really, the closet cases I see who want boyfriends are so painfully ridiculous I can’t help but laugh.)

  • I agree with Kevin. I do not see why this is important for people to know. It is a private matter, people should not care who you have in bed. Its none of their business. What is important though is to accept yourself on your own terms. In the end you are the only one who has to put up with yourself all day everyday.

  • I have been out for many years. I was fortunate, when tried to come out to my family the general response was,”I’m glad you figured it out”, lol. No big surprise there. If people ask I tell them. It almost never comes up. Its a major part of who I am but it does not define me.

  • Yes I am out, and it’s the best thing I could’ve ever done. Even though it happened all by accident. After my divorce my youngest son was still living with me. One day he found that I had been on a gay chat site on my laptop. He asked me a few days later if I was gay and before I had a chance to answer he told me he didn’t care what the answer was he just wanted me to be happy. I told him yes and I have had his support every day since then. I have since told my other two children and to my surprise they both accepted it unconditionally.

  • Being “out” has become a tired, worn-out LBGT cliche. To belong to the LGBT club, a person has to have a tear-jerking coming out story, but the effect of that psychologically is no liberation at all, but quite the opposite. “Out” is old context thought. Out was needed when society shunned gays. The complete opposite of that is true now. In most contexts, gays are take very matter of fact. “Out” also ignores the Kinsey scale and the AMPLE research that humans are NOT gay or straight but rather are on a continuum with MANY having BISEXUAL tendencies. “Out” requires a person to label himself. I do not label myself because my sexuality does not define who I am. Being out is to let one’s sexuality define him and that is marginalization.

  • Kevin: you hit on the head, why add the labels,

  • Yes I came out early in my life it was 13yrs old I sat on the edge of my Foster parents bed and told them how I felt and was Gay and I have no regrets doing so I’ve been out to family, co-workers and just about all the jobs in my life and had no problems with most,lost a couple of friends though but I moved on and still happy to this day!

  • I came out to my friends at 14. Kept it a secret to my family until I was 22. When I came out to my mom, she disowned me and say I gonna burn in the lake of fire in Hell. Kicked me out of her house and never look at her again. I did not speak or see her for 3 years until I just happened to be paying my phone bill and she came to me weeping saying she is sorry. I said, its all water under the bridge and forgave her. We have been the best of friends these past 14 years now. She is just so amazed that I can get fucked in the ass lol. We are more close than we have ever been

  • My response to this woman who phoned you up to ask about matters that are personal, would’ve been just that. It doesn’t matter how long she’d known you, it was a matter that had nothing to do with her. I’ve never been one to feel any kind of pressure to hide or conceal anything about myself, but at the same time I’ve never felt any pressure to oblige people who intrude on matters that are PERSONAL.

    I grew up in the very same kind of family. But when the time came that I verbally confirmed to my family what they ALREADY KNEW, it made no difference. I am fortunate to have parents (and an entire family) who never batted an eyelash about my sexuality. And it may even be that some of them disagree with it, I don’t know and don’t really care. I’ve never thought about it because they’ve never treated me any differently.

    My very reasonable and intelligent father once reminded me about something when I was complaining about other people’s perception of me, he said, “Stop this woe is me stuff, people have their own lives with which to be concerned.” Probably the best advice I’ve ever been given.

  • Sort of off topic…but no Robin was ever gay lol…thought I should point that out.

  • Like TJ, I grew up in the 80′s. Never attracted to women, but from a large Irish Catholic family. Went to the military where I had my first experience with another guy at age 18. Fooled around with a couple of guys, to my knowledge, all except the first has married a woman or two.

    I took the easy way out after, got married and started having kids. Convinced myself I was straight. As I got older though, I figured out I’m bi, more gay.

    I live in a very liberal state, in all manners of speaking, including child support guidelines. I started seeing guys about 8 years into my marriage, after my wife pretty much shut me off after kid number 2. I always play safe. I’ve had friend w/benefits relationships, but a lot of one night stands. They seem to drift. Sought counseling over the years, together and separately. Became depressed, even suicidal a decade ago, but worked through it. Don’t know if I’ll ever come out of the closet, it would ruin my life, my career, and probably my relationship with my kids.

    I envy the guys coming of age now that can be free.

  • I never really had the chance to come out. I was at a party and one of my sisters friend’s boyfriend was there. He got drunk and passed out, and couldn’t go home, so I threw a mattress on the floor of my bedroom for him to sleep on. In the middle of the night I woke up to him giving me oral sex, and about two seconds later my Mother walked in and caught us. Well needless to say the cat was out of the bag! My father had already died, and I was still at home helping to raise my younger brother. My Mother is a preachers daughter, so there was about two weeks of hell to pay!! Then I told my Mom I was moving out and in with a friend, and that I was sorry I turned out to be such a disappointment to her. Well that night my Mother changed her way of looking at the whole gay/straight thing!! We sat down and had a long talk, and I stayed at home to finish raising my kid brother. Years later when Mom started having problems making ends meet, she moved in with me, and now she won’t live with any of her other 10 kids. One thing is for sure, you don’t want to star running down gays to that 89 year young woman, she’ll set you straight right now!! LOL I was the first openly gay person in our family, now there are several, and believe me they have had a lot easier time of it thanks to my Mothers support of gays.

  • After hiding and denying myself for many years, I came out when I was 25 and it was the best thing I did.

  • My mom was the first person I came out too…after you tell your mom, it’s all pretty easy after that :). Lol

  • I didn’t come out until after high school in 2008 to my friends because I was afraid of being an outsider but my friends accepted me some knew some didn’t but it worked out pretty well but my parents didn’t know until 2yrs later so within that time I had to lie about working late just to go out to a gay bar ( I know it’s stupid to do so) i grew up going to church all my life and some of my friends that go there are gay but that’s another topic, but for me 2 yrs later 2010 I was 20yrs old I missed worked one day and I lied to my parents and my boss I contracted a disease (stupid mistake) but I forgot my aunt worked for the same company so my boss told her and my aunt told my parents I lost my job and that’s when my parents found out about my sexuality so I brought it upon myself, but it got bad, my parents kicked me out of the house with no money no support no nothing so I was homeless and I had barely a sandwich and water I rarely ate I slept outside in the summer and winter thinking my life was over I could have died sleeping in the severe cold weather we had that year. I never wanted to talk to my parents ever again cause regardless of what I done they should have never done that to their child but now it’s a bit different my whole family knows now but they don’t talk about it they never asked me about my live life as of yesterday 4/9/14 I introduced my mother to my boyfriend she likes him so I think life maybe a bit easier before all of this they realized that I am still their son no matter what but I’m still seeing how things go.

  • I’m 32 only one who knows is mh best friend because he in the same situation ad me. One other friend knows he came out to his family. Me on the other hand would rather die and sink like the Titantic. Love the comments on this subject.

  • I remember the day I came out of the closet, a day that is slowly approaching, May 5th, 2013. I just finished working my shift at a local hospital and was heading over to my boyfriends apartment. Something was strange, since I called on my one of my short breaks and he did not answer his phone, so I left a message that I would see him a little after midnight. I was excited since we had plans to close on house that Saturday and start our lives together. I hurried to my car and drove to his place down town. The doorman greeted me and smiled as I rushed by him. I got in the elevator and pushed the button for the fifth floor. The doors open and I rushed down the hallway to his door, put the key in the lock and entered the apartment. It was dark, which was not usual and I turned on the entry way light. I said his name, but there was no answer.
    I walked over to the kitchen, turning on the light and saw a broken glass on the floor with some blood. I thought to myself, he cut his hand and went to the hospital and would be home soon. I decided to go wait in the bedroom, so I proceeded through the living room to the hall that lead to the bedroom and I stumbled upon something on the floor. With no light in the hall I carefully made my way back to the living room and turned on the light which illuminated the hallway to the bedroom. There, in the dim light I saw him laying on the floor, lifeless, not breathing… I grabbed my cell out of my scrubs pocket and called 911.. they dispatched emergency services. I tried CPR, knowing deep down inside it would do no good since he had been there for a while.
    As I cried in disbelief, I heard the sirens in the distance, I called my parents. My father answered the phone, dazed,, I blurted out, “Dad, I found my boyfriend dead and I did not know what to do.” There was silence on the line for a couple of seconds and then my father replied, “All you can do Jay is continue to love him. I am sorry you lost him, we know he has a special place in your heart… just love him.”
    About a week after that, my parents came to visit me. I was nervous as hell and did not know how I was going to tell them anything… and all they said was “You are you and we love you for that!”
    SO on May 5th at 12:30 A.M. I came out to my father over the phone in the middle of most unusual circumstances and I am all the more happy for it, but saddened at the same time, but that date will always have a special place in my heart!

  • As a boy going into my teens i felt i.was different. I liked girls but had some feminine ways i wasn’t aware of but jocks seem to notice and would secretly and openly tease me. Even in high school i slept with girls but always had a thing for certain guys. Now as a grown man I’m still scared of the rejection from friends and family. I hate I’m not living my life how i should. Any advice

  • I had first experience coming out when I was 20, mom found a bar mag and a porn. She asked me about it through a letter and I denied it. Finally, the day after Christmas that same year we were driving and she just looked over at me and said I know you are gay and I love ya so don’t worry about it. Now my friends all knew as well as people I worked with so I was ok there…. But, mom it freaked me out. She wanted to know EVERYTHING and I mean everything. I did answer some of her questions but, not all of them (somethings she didn’t need to know).
    Dad it took a couple more years to tell. She made me promise not to tell dad. I was at my sister’s wedding rehearsal, he turned to me and said well I have 2 kids left for this. I calmly said “No Dad just Shawny”. Without a thought he looked over at me and said “No, you also. Just more guys dancing together than at your sisters. I love ya and support ya”. I quickly left the hall to head to the dinner and started crying because all my worries and fear were over nothing. It was one of my best and favorite memories I have in my life.

  • When it comes to being gay. I was always into guys, there was a traditional point when i dated women, but sex with them was never appealing. I never NEEDED to “Comeout” to anyone. And when i was tron between two people in highs school, my mother ( a HUGE fag hag) Found my Diary and read it. She was cool and only popped me in the head for being insecure about it

    Bottomline, it’s nobody’s business who you go to bed with. I believe in pride, but i think that a man has a serious problem when being gay is is ONLY identity. Some dudes are flaming. That’s obvious, but some dudes are not- they arent hiding. it’s just not everybody’s business

    and that should be respected

  • I came out to myself a couple of years ago. I was deep in the closet and every time I was with a man was “the last time.” I was convinced that since I didn’t have anal, maybe I was bi. I’d hook up with a guy and feel shame and guilt and would not have any more urges for a week, maybe two… and that it was all I could think about. I’d spend hours cruising online. (I wasn’t out and paranoid so it took forever to find a proper hook up without a photo). Then the driving and the nervousness and finally the act. Being inexperienced it didn’t last long. Finally, I realized I was heading into a bad direction and was able to admit to myself that I am gay. I thought about the coming out process and decided not to pursue it. It really isn’t anyone’s business. At the end of the day I’m in my 30s and never had a girlfriend. People who care to look deeper know. Those who don’t won’t.

  • This is so real to me because after hiding my sexuality to for most my life I was outed by Aunt and Uncle. The most religious people in my life were also the most supportive and gave me the strength to continue on because they made me feel loved. My brother already knew and was the easiest to come out to. My mother probably took it the hardest. My father was the one I was most afraid to tell. He drove overnight to see me and allow me the opportunity to tell him face to face.

    I think its important to be out to the ones who know and love you the best in the world. Not every one who comes into your life deserves to know. Not every one deserves the gift of you sharing the inner most part of your core. I understand some peoples need to shout it from the highest mountain but I also know what it means to keep that tucked away in the darkest deepest reaches of your soul. Once you admit it to yourself you hold all the power to determine who knows and who doesn’t.

    It took me until 2 years ago for anyone to know and in the last 2 years everyone I care to tell now knows. It took 34 years of my life to understand this and I hope that I can help even one person understand that all the fear, pain and anguish you hold onto by remaining in the closet to everyone in your life is nothing compared to the freedom and release you will feel in sharing that acknowledgment with even one person.

    Closeted or Out know that every person has their own journey to take and path in this life. Only you can determine what is right for you and don’t let anyones ideals or opinions shape what is right for you.

  • I wish I could, I want too but I’d rather find myself first.

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