10 Apr 2014

Speak Out : Blurred (Color) Lines

Category: Speak Out

hands

 I recently moved to Denver from another Colorado small town after graduating college, and I have to say the nightlife is amazing; at least to what I was used to. There are so many places for gay men to go, whether it’s inside or outside, and the eye candy is definitely oh so sweet. Denver has a lot of cute, athletic guys to choose from, however, one reoccurring problem I’ve had with a certain type of guys in and out of cyberspace is my skin color.

At first I just thought I was overreacting. After all, no one is everyone’s type. After three months in living in this wonderful, sun soaked city, the no replies, “I’m not into black guys” and the one “eww, are you serious?” have become a reoccurring theme. As a dark skinned, black man living in an area that’s predominately… not African American… this has been an eye opener. Our society’s history is filled with torrid details of idealizing certain qualities and features, excluding anything that does not coexist, and this makes me wonder how far we’ve really come.

I’m not one to take things to heart, but this issue has really made my curious to what others preferences are, and the type of guys other’s have been with in the past. How diverse is your little black book? Have you run into this issue while living in a place as the minority?

melodyking13

(If you too would like A4A to publish your text, please send to blog@adam4adam.com with your username)

175 comments for Speak Out : Blurred (Color) Lines

  • I have met several very cool ( and Hott) black guys. I’m only interested in cool, attractive, sane guys ( from time to time). Don’t be discouraged, those comments are just small minded and not worth your time!

  • I’m sorry you’ve had such a negative experience. I’m a white guy and have had many very fulfilling sexual experiences with men of color. I find many different types of guys sexy and attractive and can’t understand why anyone simply rules out meeting a guy because of his race. Best of luck to you, I’m sure you’re a warm and great guy.

  • Well there missing the boat..Men are men..people are people..personaly I found out long ago the sweeter juice comes from the darker berry….

  • Maybe its because im Hispanic and a minority myself, but I absolutely love black men, men of color really. There’s just something about a black/latino man that I can not find on a white guy. Everything is different, the build, voice, hair and our skin just feels and tastes different. Maybe its because I grew up in neighborhoods were it was predominately minority, but Love my fellow Latino and black men…we do it best.

  • I live in LA, where it’s really diverse. Grow up around Egyptians, Armenians, Asians, lots of Latinos, whites and blacks. But there is still a lot of that “Not into Blacks.” Like you, I’m Afro-American with some European heritage. And when I hear ignorant stuff like that I try to make myself believe, “Oh, everyone has their type” or “Maybe they haven’t been around blacks so maybe they don’t know that’s really offensive.” But after 20 years of hearing that bullshit, I realized that alot of people are just ignorant and don’t give a fuck. I heard dumb ass people call me dirty because I’m black… “No bitch, I bathe twice a day sometimes more.” On websites like this people often plainly state racist stuff, “Only into whites and latinos” so just take that as a warning and move on to next cute guy.
    Racism and ethnophobia still exist but…Best of Luck.

  • I lived in Denver years ago and it was always a city where minorities were looked down on some what not by all but a higher percentage then a lot of the other states that I have been in.
    If I lived there now I would have probably answered your ad.

  • Let me say that I do understand where you are going from. In a lot of profiles you will see “only into white, latin, and middle eastern” which in many cases the user will say “No blacks, not racist, just a preference”. I do occasionally run across guys who are only looking for other black guys, but not as frequent. This racial divide is truly unfortunate especially seeing as though the gay flag is rainbow which, to me, symbolizes all races and ethnic backgrounds.
    We have enough struggles with just being gay. The last thing we need is racial divide within the community.

    Good luck!!!

  • I SEE PEOPLE AS JUST PEOPLE, NOT BY THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN OR HOW THEY ACT, OR EVEN BY THEIR LOOKS. I GREW UP BETWEEN BROOKLYN, NY & TAMPA, FL AND I HEAR THINGS LIKE “OH YOU NOT LATIN”, “WOW YOU REALLY LIGHT FOR BEING LATIN”, OR MY FAVORITE “HOW CAN YOU BE LATIN IF YOUR MOTHER/FATHER IS WHITE?” IT’S AT THAT POINT WHERE I CRINGE FOR A MINUTE AND HAVE TO GATHER MY THOUGHTS BEFORE I GO ALL POSTAL OR WWE ON THEM. JUST CAUSE I DON’T HAVE THE ‘TYPICAL” LATIN LOOKS DOES NOT MEAN I’M LATIN. LAST TIME I CHECKED BOTH OF MY PARENTS ARE PUETRO RICAN AND THAT MAKES ME LATIN. I HAVE THE ASS AND THE DICK TO PROVE IT TOO, LOL. WHAT I LOVE IS WHEN ALL THE LATIN PEOPLE AT WORK BE TALKING OR SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND ACT LIKE IF I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY BE SAYING, THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN WHEN I SPEAK TO THEM IS SPANISH THEY LOOK DUMB FOUNDED, STUNNED, SHOCKED, AND HAVE THE DEAD IN THE HEADLIGHTS LOOKS CAUSE THEY GOT BUSTED. EVERYTHING THAT PEOPLE FIND ABOUT ME THAT THEY CONSIDERED AS AN IMPERFECTION IS MY PERFECTION TO ME AND THEN SOME. I USE THE FACT THAT I LOOK MORE WHITE THAN LATIN TO MY ADVANTAGE AND SO DID MY HUSBAND WHO HAD PASSED AWAY JAN 17TH, 2014. HE LOVED THE FACT I DIDN’T LOOK LATIN AND HE WAS BLACK. HE USED TO ALWAYS SAY THAT I WAS A LATIN BOY ON THE OUTSIDE AND A BLACK BOY ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE OF MY ATTITUDE (I’M A SCORPIO SO I GET VERY HEATED ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS), BUT THATS WHAT HE LOVED ABOUT ME, THE FACT I WAS DIFFERENT AND COULDN’T FIT IN ANY ONE CATEROGY. I HEAR IT ALL THE TIME PEOPLE SAYING THAT ITS A PREFERENCE WHEN YOU READ IN THEIR PROFILE ONLY INTO OR SORRY DON’T DATE . THATS NOT A PREFERENCE. THATS CALL RACISCM. NOW THE DIFFERENCE. PREFERENCE = TALL, SHORT, SKINNY, FAT, BALD, BLONDE HAIR, DARK HAIR, LIGHT EYES AND WHAT NOT. RACISM = ONLY INTO OR DON’T DATE/DO . PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS AND WHEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THAT YOU NOT ONLY HURTING THEM, YOU ARE TRYING TO DEGRADE THEM TO SOMETHING LESS THAY WHAT THEY ARE, A HUMAN. YES I KNOW THAT WE ALL HAVE OUT SO CALL TASTE IN MEN AND I HAVEN’T YET MEANT A MAN WHO IS EVERYONE’S TYPE, BUT IF YOU GOING TO REJECT A GUY BECAUSE HE’S NOT WHAT YOU CONSIDER TO BE THE TYPICAL FOR WHATEVER RACE, YOU COULD HAVE LOST YOUR POTENTIAL LIFE PARTNER, A GREAT FRIEND, OR SOMETHING MORE; NOT TO MENTION HOW STUPID YOU LOOK. WHAT YOU FIND TO BE SOMEONE’S WEAKNESS OR IMPERFECTION IS WHAT YOUR ACTUALLY ARE AND I LEARNED THIS THROUGH WATCHING MY FRIENDS AND OTHER PEOPLE. YOU CRAVE TO BE IN THE GROUP WHERE EVERYONE IS THE SAME, ACTS THE SAME, DRESSES THE SAME AND WHAT NOT CAUSE YOU CANNOT ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE. YOU NOT HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. I LEARNED SOMETHING LONG TIME AGO RIGHT BEFORE I MEET MY HUSBAND. MY IMPERFECTIONS TO YOU ARE MY PERFECTIONS; EVERYTHING YOU SEE WRONG, I SEE RIGHT; EVERYTHING YOU HATE, I LOVE. IN MY OPINION THE WORLD WOULD BE BORING IF EVERY SINGLE GAY MAN LOOK THE SAME. PERSOANLLY I GET TIRED OF SEEING THESE PUNK AS MEN WHO SPEND OURS AT THE GYM, MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK, WORKING ON TRYING TO GET THE IDEAL BODY, SO THEY CAN E ATTRACTIVE TO SOME OTHER GAY DUDE WHO ISN’T PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM CAUSE HE’S NOT BUILT ENOUGH OR SO CALL MASCULINE ENOUGH. IN MY OPINION THOSE ARE THE MEN WHO ARE THE MOST FLAMBOYENT AND FEMIMINE OUT THERE. YALL KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT (I LEAVE IT AT THAT). ONE FINAL THOUGHT.
    THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS NOT a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns, ITS ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING OVER AND OVER THINKING YOU WILL GET DIFFERENT RESULTS. DON’T UNDERSTAND THAN THINK ABOUT, CAUSE ALOT OF YALL ARE DRIVING YOURSELF INSANE WITH THE THINGS YOU DO JUST TO GET SOMEONE WHO IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU..

  • its the same out in dallas….being from los angeles the race thing was never an issue and i was spoiled. but living out here in dallas everyone including blacks have the stay with your own kind of thinking. I like guys, cute guys, dont really care about race,but i do tend to lean more towards latinos..anyways dont let ignorance get to you.

  • “preference,” eh?

    do you ‘prefer’ just white men, bud?

    if not, cool.
    but if so, then you’ll likely have your answer.

  • There should have/never be false lines. A good person is a good person regardless and you short sell only yourself by not opening your heart, even if it’s merely a good friendship

  • i don’t live in places where people who look like me [a dark skinned black guy] are the minority. end.

    being forced to do so by my parents is one thing. doing so as an adult — where i have to pay taxes and vote for people — is something completely different. even when i lived in europe, i made a point of living in [or near] places where there were plenty of people who look like me; it made forays into the dating pool much easier.

    and, of course, now, i live in southern africa, after a stint of living in a black middle class utopia [washington, not atlanta]. i’m good.

    i haven’t dated anyone who wasn’t black since high school, and i’ve been out of high school for nearly a quarter century. funnily enough, i’m the only black male from my high school *or* college classes whose romantic partner [female or male] isn’t white.

  • This has nothing to do with Race its just what people are attracted to. I’m not really into Asian guys that doesn’t mean I don’t like Asian people. Its just that I don’t find them sexually attractive. So when I talk to guys online and they say the aren’t into Black guys I’m dissapointed (because he was my type lol), but I understand that he just doesn’t find black guys sexually attractive.

  • Wow…I thought Colorado was more progressive. I live in Oklahoma ( not the bastion of open mindedness) and have rarely seen this happen. I’m sorry you don’t live here, because I see mixed couples all the time. I prefer black men as I have found them to be more relaxed and confident with themselves. I am a mature white gay man and judge my guys by how we get along and not what color they are. I wish you the best.

  • In my dating history, I’ve learned that beauty could be found in every color. But if you’ve learned, consciously or not, to hate and hang around people who support those ideals then it can be very difficult to change. I’ll leave that to the professionals.

  • I feel so awful when reading guys profiles on social media apps saying “no blacks no Asians etc” – I find it so awful that people need to state that – it’s so hurtful to many – just simply say you are not interested – I have been with many ethnic backgrounds but my preference does lean more to white men – but I never turn down a fun time with men from other backgrounds – attracted to all – signed a white guy (ha)

  • SUM DIZ NIGGAZ HER IZ DUM FUK I MESGE GIZE HER EN DEM BOIIIIZ NEVVVE IZ WANTZ BOOTY CUZ IZ THIKS DAN DEZ AW RAYSIST IGNORANT PEEPLE AN DOZ WITE BOIZ IZ THINK TEM HOT BOIY AN SUMTIME THEM IZ SO HOT BUT DEZ THINKS THAYZ BETTER CUZ DEZ WITE AW WITE PEEPLE HATS US NIGGAZ CUZ WEEEZ AFRIKAN AMERICAN AN WUZ SLAVES AN SHIT AND SO DEM WITES IZ 2 GUD 2 WANNA FUK BUT DYZ AINT NO WATZ DEYZ MISSN DYE THINKZ DEMZ SO 2 BETER AN BUT IZ MAK MADZ CHEDDER SMOK MORE BUDZ AN AWAYS HAS DA BEST CRISTL T AN I DUN SHARE POYNTZ AN SHYT AN FUK DEM WITE NIGGAS I GETZ MUH COCK SUCK AN FUKZ SO MUCH AZZ AN I TOP AN WITE BOIYZ WANNA AWAYS WANTZ 2 WARE CONDUMZ AN SHYT SO I BRETEND 2 PUTZ IT ON BUT TAKEZ IT OFF WEN DEYZ NOT LOOKN AN SHYT B CUZ I AIN’T WEREING NO CONDUM AN WITE BOYZ WANTZ DEM AN SHYT AND NIGGAZ NEVA WANNA BOTTOM AN SHYT SO U GOTTA FUK HOT WITE RAYSIS BOYS AND SNEEK OFF DA RUBBER SO NIGGA CAN SHOOT A LODE IN A HOT BOIY BUT YOUZ ALZ RAYSITS

  • Living in the Midwest, even in a quite ethnically diverse city, I have noticed this early on. Although it varies a bit…there seem to be certain trends. I myself am not dark skinned and mixed, raised by a predominately White/Latino family. There are the large amounts of guys who either don’t respond or approach and the ones who make sure to include “not into blacks” but, the ones who are interested on the other hand are usually very specific about it. It’s not always a good feeling trying to live up to someone’s unintentionally racist idea of how a black person should act. It’s very rare I speak to someone who is interested in me as a person rather than a fetish, if at all.

  • Hey man I live in Colorado Springs and I have the same problem. Most men won’t even talk to me because of my skin color and it sucks. But hey keep your head up and don’t be discouraged it’s their loss.

  • DENVER, LIBERAL COLORADO. LIBERALS LOVE TO CLAIM TO FIGHT FOR MINORITIES/OTHERS, BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, THEY SEPARATE THEMSELVES FROM SAID PEOPLE (I.E. NEW YORK CITY – MODERN DAY SEGREGATION – POOR BLACKS, LATINOS, ETC. KEPT AWAY FROM THE RICH WHITE LIBERAL PARTS OF THE CITY).

  • LIBERALS LOVE MINORITIES/OTHERS, JUST AS LONG AS THEY DON’T LIVE NEAR THEM.

  • I have not noticed a problem. (White Daddy) I love the mix of men in Denver and would not rule anyone out bases on color

  • Well for one gay men need to broaden their horizons beyond the perfect guy. A 7 or an 8 is still a lot better than a zero and you have a lot better chance than with an arrogant ass 10. And how do you expect to date if looks are your primary concern. It’s more than just a racial issue, it’s a full blown I want everything or nothing personality. And P.S. black people are just as racist against white guys. Just because you would date a white guy (though you’re apparently picky about which ones, and perhaps that’s where you got your response from) it doesn’t mean most of the Black guys in your area don’t reject every white user who hits them up. Perhaps Im taking this a bit too far, but you know it never seems to be addressed when it’s the other way around. I wouldn’t reject a black guy for his looks, I would because every time you get hit up its always a sexual response immediately, no conversationally skills, insisting pics be unlocked before speaking, etc. And don’t get me wrong I have zero prejudice against them, and in fact have been with them and could see myself with one for the long term, but OMFG 999 out of 1000 I speak to have as much depth as a kiddie pool.

  • I have found that to be the case in smaller rural areas. The sad truth is it would be easier for a lot of folks to overlook a same sex same ethnicity couple than any/most mixed couples. I find ethnicity a very sensual subject and a great turn on.

  • The “Elephant is in the Room”, his name happens to be racism. We really haven’t dealt with the issue culturally and it is taking its toll on social mingling. Despite the fact that you see more interracial couples in the hetero world, you’d think that this would not exist in another marginalized group and that gay men wouldn’t discriminate because they share a commonality, but it happens more frequently than you’d think for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it is because of peer pressure, or a generalized stereotypical fear of a person who doesn’t meet their beauty criteria. Then there are others who are more than willing to meet up with you in private, but would never be seen with you in a public dating situation. I’m also interested in how others will respond.

  • HI Im a white older guy and I don’t understand people sometime I very much am into black guys think they are sexy like guys skinny to in good shape Im sorry you have to go though thing like this

  • being black in a predominantly hispanic area, I was somewhat used to hearing that but then I moved somewhere and now it’s the whites who are even more against mingling with blacks than in the hispanic area. Its gotten very old quick and I hate it here.

  • Yes living in the south the norm is the same Jim Crow type signs that say “No Blacks” or “Whites Only”it’s sort of depressing. As a mixed kid who is still telling my predominantly white friends I’m gay, I figured the gay community would be more diverse and tolerant. The most disturbing trend is my fellow minority aka Black gays that are only interested in white guys! Like what the F

  • Hopefully its just how it is in the South but I have better luck picking up “straight” guys at the local college frat bar than getting guys at one of those “gay” bars in Atlanta. The fact that no one commented on this yet does not bode well for any changes to be made.

  • color is not or has ever been a problem in the str8 world and not in the gay world its even less of a prob for me.as a matter of fact I like brown n black as much or more than white guys.not a size queen it’s all about the guy n his personality n compatability.and have met some hot men of color.my ex was latino.VERY HOT GUY.DEAN

  • how I judge someone is not by the color of their skin but by the words they choose to explain their views. You can’t judge a book by its cover, but when you see what is written on the pages as dialogue is how you make a decision on if the Book is something you allow into your life or not

  • Even here in Omaha where we have a size black populous i still get turned down by black and latino guys. Some people’s view of beauty is distorted. Dont fret my friend

  • thats a shame i had a bi racial friend we enjoyed doing things with (and each other)
    his job transferred him out of the area and id give anything to be enjoying his company again

  • I understand you pain. I am a light-skin educated African American living in conservative Cape May, New Jersey. Online, dozens of guys are interested in meeting me based on conversation and the headless pics I’ve sent them. Right before we meet, I send a pic revealing my curly/wavy hair. Once many of these guys see that I’m a man with African blood, the lame excuses come out of the woodwork. Then when I send my face pics,they say I’m sexy for a black guy but just not their type. Many assume I’m either a hustler or a person with AIDS according to few mutual friends who are white.

  • I’m not sure I get the point or issue. I’m into white guys my age or younger. I would never say “eww” but I’m not sure why I’m expected to be into the writer of this “essay.” I’ve had sex with black guys (mostly in groups) but that doesn’t mean I want to date someone I’m not into. Sex is one thing – but dating is more serious.

    It’s really quite rascist of the writer to contend that this is an “issue” and wonder how far we have come. I do hope he finds a hot guy whom he is into, however. It simply won’t be I.

  • That’s the exact opposite of me. I’m a white guy, and I can’t get enough black cock inside me.

  • If I like all colors of the rainbow can I still say I’m color blind? Why settle for just one flavor?

  • Well there’s your answer- just read ‘MOMONEY’S’ response- it’s people like him tha give blacks a bad rap. It’s unfortunate. I would imagine it would be extremely difficult for black guys to meet non-black guys online.. to me, (and maybe others) it has nothing to do with looks- there are a ton of VERY attractive black men, but unfortunately, you just don’t know how aggressive or utterly disrespectful they will be. It’s just not a chance online I like to take. If you want to meet non-black guys, go out to a bar or other gay organization and meet people in person. If you don’t perpetuate the stereotypical black guy, your chances are much much better. I hate to say it, but everybody is racist- it’s human nature.. the the ones that deny it are the MOST racist of all. I’m 28, white and grew up, and live in Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn. If anyone knows anything about the area, you know its black dominant- and my racism doesn’t come from ignorance, hate or a lack of cultural perspecive; my racism comes from too much exposure and understanding of blacks- we are different people- just not the people I want to be around unless they prove otherwise. Sorry for the honesty, i know it is going to offend people, and for that I appologize- but I think it’s important for somebody to actually tell the truth and not tip-toe around the topic ad pretend to be 100% accepting of every culture at first sight all the time, because that’s bullshit lol

  • I moved to live in another country, and I am definitely a minority here. At times it is challenging, but I am adapting. As far as the color lines go, I never see the color of a man´s skin as the determining factor in whether I want to meet him or not.

  • Well, I’ll tackle this one ha. I’m from the south and I guess I’ve grown used to it but, it is very prevalent here. “Not into black, white only, into white Latino and asian, no white men”. I’m not sure why someone’s ethnicity is a deciding factor ever. It can make people feel inadequate or unattractive just for being a certain color. I’ve felt that way before, when you are primarily surrounded by white guys who only like white guys, it’s discouraging. Eventually you just have to get past it, because it’s never gonna change.

  • I grew up in a predominantly white European country during my teen years right up to my mid 20s. About 3 years after return to live in the States I eventually came to the decision that I would not date White Americans. I did not have an issue dating white men who were from other countries, but I made the decision that I did not want to deal with silly people who were socialized to discriminate against other race and have learnt stereotype racial behavior without realizing that they were projecting their discrimination on others. So in the last 20 years I have dated men from just about every corner of the globe, with the exception of white Americans.

    You have to come to the realization that you are not the broken one and you don’t have to put up with people dishing out crap at you because you are a shade darker than they are.

  • Having a reasonable attitude is more important than skin color. Besides, they all taste about the same.
    To those guys who have a long list of requirements – remember that the more filters you apply, the fewer possibilities you have. Perhaps none.

  • Your issue is not uncommon to me.I have always been a minority in the picture .Maybe i was not Dumb enough not to notice , still what ever dosent kill you makes you stronger , so dont be sad,find something in being special and loose the poor me’s OK , that not attractive .

  • well,i live in Kalamazoo MI. it’s a small city.color here is a issue and i see but try not to feed into how whites act.white people to me have a im better then you cause im white going on with them.never understood that if you look back at history white people have always done ever color wrong and thay still do to this day. it’s a double standard for whites then blacks. it sick how thay treat people.but i will say this and end if a white person is dieing on the side of the road and need help and the only person there to help them is black.what do you think thay will do????

  • In NC and AL its that way for the white people

  • Oh you are right AND it does matter where you are either. Some people haven’t grown up AND became the most free thinkers that they claim to be!!!

  • I’m an average white guy who has had sex with a few black guys in my life (came out at 14, today I’m 62, so that’s not a big percentage of black men I must acknowledge). Which I guess means I have no problem with black guys in my bed, but it’s not as if it’s a fetish or something. Truly, I was attracted to those men, as with all men, because of their individual qualities and not their race.

    The one and only black man I ever fell in love with actually rejected me as a LTR, not the other way around. And he said one of his reasons was that his black friends and family would give him grief over me.

    I do see racism in the gay community. But I see racism everywhere. It is most common when it is white rejecting black, but it works the other way too.

    If we just take people one at a time–not pre-judging them for reasons beyond their control–wouldn’t this be a better world?

  • What, just because you’re negroid or whatever you think that you should be instantly “appealing” to EVERYONE? Here’s a clue…you’re not. I’m not appealing to a lot of guys either, because I have long hair and a big “porn stache,” so I get the no replies and “ewww” and all that too. So WHAT? Get a life…just because you’re a “minority” doesn’t give you ANY SPECIAL PRIVILEGES…OR “attractiveness.” What, you think that they should open up to you because you’re a minority? These guys are JUST NOT INTO BLACK GUYS…PERIOD. Move on.

  • Its the same in certain parts of FL I ma 90% certain my skin color is playing a role in me being black but oh well

  • Theres nothing hotter than the contrast between a black and white man.it’s a beautiful thing. Im white and love black men

  • When I was younger I had several gay friends, but was not attracted to black men sexually. Then again I wasn’t attracted to Hispanic men either. Over the years I have dated a few black men, but it was more the men, than skin color. I wasn’t instantly attracted to even the black men I dated, but the attraction came after getting to know them. One back man from my younger years used to accuse me of being prejudice! It wasn’t prejudice, it was sexual preference, and sexual attraction. I’ve never been to the Denver area, so I can’t say what’s up there, but if you get out and make friends, and let people get to know you, you may meet some one that ends up attracted to you the person, and not just a skin color.

  • This is a problem everywhere…there is a great discrepancy towards men of color in the gay community. I live in Los Angeles and I am very isolated. Look at how gay men are portrayed in social media etc. Usually fair to light skin not much of ethnic diversity. This is why I have an issue with gay men. We want equality but we don’t treat everyone in our community as equals.

  • Flavor is the spice of life…I think that all gay men have had to deal with some type of controversy, so it surprises me that many are unaccepting of certain “types” under the guise of preferences. I’m a big guy and I feel discriminated against all the time, especially on a4a . The term fat is offensive and/or completely relative to one’s disposition, but you see no fats, fems,blacks… ext ..we segregate ourselves and then have the nerve to call us a gay community . If being gay meant not being fat and was a choice , I’d opt out. What’s worse then being regected by a bastardized community that is a minority itself

  • My black book is quite diverse. White, Asian, Latin, Black. No color prejudice here.

  • Not every where any more. It use to be that black people were simply disliked for the color of their skin. Ignorant people having ignorant thoughts. Some places in the Midwest are that way now. Using the N word is a lame excuse for hating a whole race of people. I have enjoyed many black men and have enjoyed them. Sucking on a nice black cock or having one in my ass has always been a turn on for me. I am truly sorry that some people are still practicing ignorance. In todays world, I would like to think that all races have a normal chance to succeeded.

  • Preference is one thing… I don’t believe that, in itself, is “racist.”

    However, there are PLENTY of people (both online, in clubs, etc) who react as if they’ve been INSULTED when someone of another race expresses interest. And I find that so incredibly odd. A simple “No thanks” would do.

    **********
    Oh, and while we’re on the subject; the most idiotic thing I’ve (routinely) heard coming from Caucasian gays is: “Why do minorities so often want to date interracially?”

    Wellll, at the risk of stating the obvious: All minorities in the USA combined, still barely make up 30% of the population. Now, factor in that only 10% (at most) of that 30% are gay. And how few of THOSE are “available?” Hopefully… I don’t need to explain this any further. :-/

  • I must say, I’m originally from a small town in pa, when I was growing up black people just weren’t accepted. Ignorance is what I call the backwoods fuckers!
    Now my preference is a nice black man! If I could only find a full time lover I’d be happy as hell

  • Yes I have, but my biggest issue is when I get that “no black” response from other black men. Some of my friends of color, who aren’t into guys of color themselves will complain about this same problem. I usually tell them how can they expect white guys to be into them (someone of color), if they aren’t themselves?

  • Melody king, you are very good looking and if someone’s not interested it’s their loss. I’m a white guy in Vancouver and tend to prefer black guys, and no it’s not a dick size thing. I’m open to other races and have been with all types of races, but tend to go for white the least – just seems too similar that it doesn’t apart my interest to be with a white guy most of the time. There are very few black guys here so if you were around I’d definitely be interested.

  • Im not sure why this surprises you. I’m a good-looking professional blk guy living in San Francisco and its the same garbage here. I don’t exclusively find myself attracted to white men but its usually the case when that is all that I see. But many seem quite fine saying that they aren’t “into” black guys, or something of the sort. By the same token, the guys who are interested, are usually guys who have been with every black gay men in town and seem fixated on my skin color or my dick size, which leads me to believe that I’ve just been reduced to some silly fetish. On the other hand, there are MANY gay black men here who wont even talk to other black men on a4a or in person. For me, that’s just self-hate at a pretty primitive level. It’s all pretty fucked up, which is why I dont spend too time or emotion trying to find a relationship here. My new motto since moving here to SF is….focus on shit you can control!

  • I have been called a racist simply because I prefer white men. I seriously feel that is ridiculous. If someone is simply not attracted to someone of color, and they are polite about it, then they are not racist, they are simple not interested. Racism implies hate. If someone is completely rude about this issue, then yes, they are likely a racist. But to label anyone with a preference that shies away from men of color a racist is very rude.

  • As a fellow black male I’ve experienced this type of behavior from other men and it’s appalling and downright derogatory. Just like they say “love has no gender” it also has no color. As far as my preferences go, I’ll admit I find black males incredibly sexy HOWEVER that doesn’t stop me from stepping into another’s gene pool so to speak. As gay men we really shouldn’t be allowed to have a “preference” when it comes to race, seeing as we’re already very few in numbers it makes no sense to lower those odds over something as ridiculous and uncontrollable as race!

  • Sorry this has been happening to you. I know what you feel like. I was a white guy living in a totally black neighborhood for many years. I did see quite a few black guys while I lived there, But ran across many who would not even glance my way let alone talk. I have had more guys not want to be with me because they thought I was too Fem. I agree not everyone is for everyone. I wish some guys would just give us the chance. I had a guy one time open his door and the first thing out of his mouth was ” Hell No this is not going to happen” I beat him to the punch and said how about you give me a drink and we sit and talk before and then I will be on my way. He did and we talked and got to know each other a bit and he changed his mind and we did have sex and it was not bad. I like all races. I have been with many White,Black, and Latin guys and a lot of mixed ones. Been with only a handful of Asian and they seem to want me but I don’t want them. I am trying. Just saw a great Asian guy off Adam last night. Keep your head up and your cock hard and keep trying.

  • I’m a light skinned, educated black man who has lived in the south all of my life, and I have experienced the same thing in just about every state that I have been in. I’ve even been told things such as, “You’re cute for a black guy,” and “You’re cute…if only you where white.” It sickens me because as a bisexual man, I have dated and been attracted to people of several different races, but most people can’t – no they won’t – see beyond the color of my skin.

  • I had the same problem when I lived in Iowa and then Colorado (Boulder). I now live in a smaller town that is predominately white. It can be a little disheartened when someone tells you, “I think you’re awesome but I have never dated a Black person.” Keep hanging in there.

  • Im in louisville and i mostly love the city. However im native to metropolitan san diego. At home in southern ca there is so much integration and divesity that race rejection is both even amoung all races and rare over all. In louisvill things are different. Its an old city but a new metro, predomenantly white, black a few latinos and one gay asian everyone knows. That gets smaller when you only thing abt lgbt…Im attracted too white guys because my first gay sexual encounter was with an attractive white male. Most men i have been with are like him in some way, regardless of race.That doesnt mean i wont be with anything other than white guys but its a natural attraction. The catch isnt finding that increadably beautifull knee buckling white stud…..ITS FINDING HIM IN SIZE TOP. Really….What do you guys think about that?

  • Im in louisville and i mostly love the city. However im native to metropolitan san diego. At home in southern ca there is so much integration and divesity that race rejection is both even amoung all races and rare over all. In louisvill things are different. Its an old city but a new metro, predomenantly white, black a few latinos and one gay asian everyone knows. That gets smaller when you only thing abt lgbt…Im attracted too white guys because my first gay sexual encounter was with an attractive white male. Most men i have been with are like him in some way, regardless of race.That doesnt mean i wont be with anything other than white guys but its a natural attraction. The catch isnt finding that increadably beautifull knee buckling white stud…..ITS FINDING HIM IN SIZE TOP. Really….What do you guys think about that? .

  • It sounds like you are taking this way to personally. Take what people say about you online with a huge grain of salt. Guys post things online that they would never say to your face, since they THINK they are safe hiding behind their computer screens.

    I think you might be interpreting the comments as something they may not be. Just because someone isn’t interested and leaves you a derogatory message, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s about skin color. But even if it was, who cares? These aren’t the type of guys you would want to meet anyway right, so why spend any time and energy on them at all?

    My advice – delete the bad messages immediately when you get them, don’t take it personally, and quit trying to analyze why they wrote what they did. Guys write hateful things online for lots of reasons, and most of the time it’s just them being jackasses trying to get a reaction out of you. Move on to the messages from people who are actually interested, and forget about the ones who aren’t.

  • very enlightening – as you say people tend to prescribe attributes and stereotypes… but please consider the opposite… there are a lot of white guys only into black guys – (and i’m proud of them to say so) – in the past i have praised a man because of his black color – one single attribute – and i’ve been called racist by the black guy… he’s likely right, the opposite can exist is my only point..

    maybe you’re not seeing the right people – i like all races of men sexually (NOT all men!).

    Please keep in mind people who don’t care for you because of one attribute are probably not worth knowing anyway – keep looking for good quality people

    also – are you sure it’s the only attribute they don’t care for? i don’t care for some behaviors in any culture…

    my two cents

    best in love n peace

  • This is as old as life it self..you would not believe how many time I have heard” sorry just not in to blacks” from the most discriminated group of men, but at the end of the night or bar closing..I get a napkin with a phone number on it. For what ever reason they would say that, fine. Thanks for doing me the favor of telling me you are not worthy of me. However there is nothing wrong with having a preference. But keep it to yourself, I have mine but would never list it as a profile message, on A4A I tend to answer everyone of my emails, I figure if you were noce enough to HMU then I should answer but if not interested be polite enough to say so..

  • Keep it simple. Find a black man and u will eliminate this entire element. I’m a black man. And my best most hottest sexual experiences have been with black men. Also I enjoy the companionship. Stop trying to make sense of nonsense. Stop it stop it stop the insanity. Don’t burden yourself. Not even worth discussing. Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just transfers from one place to the next. All the racists energy has left the places it used to be in the past and has entered into the gay community. Trying to destroy the energy is a waste of time. U must be one of those people who if its 99 people who are cool with you at a party, u will question why 1 person doesn’t like u. Its OUR responsibility to love and uplift EACH OTHER. We can’t rely on the white man to do for us what we should be doing for ourselves.

  • I find this very interesting on a couple of levels. I have only ever gone on one date with a black man (only because I didn’t want to be accused of being racist if I didn’t.) Neither one of us enjoyed the date. I have nothing against interracial relationships, as several members of my family are married to black partners and I love them dearly; but it isn’t right for me (though I don’t necessarily rule it out completely.)

    What I found to be the most interesting was that he instantly identified the eye candy as being “cute, athletic guys” Being a bear, I have heard similar things; especially the “eww, are you serious?” I wonder if you have said this to someone because they don’t match your body type preference. Assuming I met you (which I may have or may in the future, as I am in Denver about 3 times a year), would you say the same thing to me since I am definitely neither cute nor athletic. I go to our local club (in a city of my size, we are lucky to have one) and I usually get ignored. I have learned that even if I am brave enough to say hi to someone, they are so shallow they rarely will even say hi back. I even heard one say to a friend, “What should I say to the creep?” (All I said was hi.) Should I be offended?
    I have come to the conclusion that as a community, we do a poor job of accepting each other and that, overall, we are a shallow community. I have been out for almost 25 years and it seems to get worse, not better.

    Please don’t take this as me slamming you. I am willing to bet you are a nice guy and I have nothing against you or your preferences. I hope you find what you are looking for, but have you dismissed someone because you weren’t into them for one reason or another?

  • Quite the unspoken but spoken topic. There is a lot of blatant racist on online dating(and hookup) sites. Yes, being attracted to a certain race can me a preference but does it have underlying history? Maybe from when the world wasn’t so accepting of interracial relations(hip). Some guys are in the mindset of dating(or fucking) someone of another race as a sort of a fetish; hence the terms “jungle fever” or “rice queen”. I’ve experienced this sort of racism and I’ve also conveyed my fair share of it. I’m am of mixed race with dark-tan and I mostly date white and latin guys. It’s my preference. I don’t totally reject someone who is outside of my preference but…sadly I am more fastidious when they contact me. I wonder a lot if this preference was brewed by our society or did it come natural. Or is the connect of “ghetto-ness” and African American the reason. Though, I do believe that the quality of beauty are determine by our society. It’s not something that we can change over night.

  • Welcome to the real world.

  • People can be rude gay people i don’t understand it myself they don’t want to be judged by anyone but they’ll judge so fast I try saying hi and people respond no or just block me they want people to accept them to to stop hating when they preach hate themselves i wish being guy was a decision because id decide not to be a part of this so called i have been treated so poorly by the people in it

  • Community

  • It’s really a sad a sad state of being when we have to start every conversation with “are you willing to talk to a black guy?” but at this point, I’ve just accepted it. I literally just assume that every gay guy is racist until i’m proven otherwise. which hasn’t happened yet.

  • First off IMO, MK13 is a sexy beast. With that said, it’s been my experience that we learn more or less to be attracted to who’s available, who we see, and who’s considered sexy as marketed to our demographic. Being mixed myself but having been raised in Littleton, CO which is predominately caucasian I generally find myself attracted to white guys, but not for really any reason other than there aren’t a lot of black men in this area. In fact, a quick peek at Grindr shows 1 in the 15mile space around me. My race has not been an issue so far, I suppose because no one can quite figure out what I am. (I like to think of myself the Rashida Jones of L-town, if you will.)

    I used to get pretty hurt seeing profiles with those ridiculous “racial preference no offense” lines (well, half hurt anyway), but then in many cases they’d message me at some point and gradually I began to notice that guys who do place that much importance on such shallow characteristics are themselves about as deep as a puddle.

  • If someone does not like you for any reason, it is THEIR problem. It only becomes yours if you allow it to bother you, and then YOU have to look at why it is bothersome.
    Sadly, we all cannot be Prom Kings, or Class Presidents, and maybe it is that the lesson of acceptance (where things are the way they are and are not the way they are not) is yours to teach
    Accept you life, and move on and don;t look back

  • I’m a New Yorker and I love men of all colors. I’ve got many satisfied tops of every race that I could add to my list of references.

  • Well, after living outside of the US for over ten years it’s easy to get caught up in the hype of discovering new cultures and meeting new people and experiencing the local scene. Living in a European country with a nazi past, many of the guys here claim to ‘love’ men of color. But what I found out is that those guys mean to say that they would like to have sex with black guys. After sex, they aren’t interested in you anymore and if they already haven’t they will end up calling you a n*gger. Forget about having a real relationship based on love, honesty, and trust with these guys! I have visited many european countries and have represented my fellow gay-countrymen very well, but the downside is I have become a racist! I only want to date men of color at this point in my life. I do not want to date any white guys anymore because everything ends up coming down to the color of my skin and for me that’s often disappointing because I am usually attracted to intelligent men (of any race). Black people do this, black people like that. No thanks! Although, I must say that it’s hard for me to imagine you going through this in America! Most white guys in the US prefer to be seen as intelligent beings who have access to wisdom. Talk some sense into them or pinch them if the don’t know! Also if they aren’t interested in getting together with black guys, that’s okay too; we refer to that as preference. Move on and stop bringing us down with your crying! And stop thinking about them and start thinking about yourself! I mean, to say that you’re an educated black man – you are sounding like a stupid fool! If it bothers you that these guys don’t like you, try looking at yourself more and stop pointing your fingers at them and figure out why you are crying about it. Move on and stop being such a sissy! And please, please stop bringing us down with your whining because alot of us don’t care if some white guys don’t want to be with us; most white guys I know are complaining about us not wanting to be with them! Be an man and grow up!

  • I am a white male bottom, and have had sex with a few different races. I have had fun with all, but i find black men to be the best.they really get into what they do and they can always do it more then once.if you haven’t tried being with a black man then do yourself a favor and give it a shot!

  • “Denver has a lot of cute, athletic guys to choose from, …”

    Does that mean you discriminate against guys who are ugly and guys who are fat?

    Watch your language just like you ask the readers to in your post. I’m not white but I get that, when it comes to dating/having sex, we all have personal preferences be it skin color, level of education, age, fitness levels, the list goes on. Some folks are distasteful enough to let their personal preferences out in public or slap it right on your face. Acknowledge it and move on. Expect no miracle to happen. For every white guy who rejects you, there is another who aches for you. The problem is will you be open enough to see that (even if he’s not “cute” or “athletic”)?

    Men of color don’t get to sit on a throne and sing odes about their victimization in the gay dating community in the 21st century in a developed country. Acknowledge how good you’ve got and move on. There are plenty of white (and black and brown and asian) men who are not interested in this brown boy but I know plenty others who are. And likewise, for every man that makes my knees go weak, there are plenty of men who I’m not interested in. C’est la vie.

  • I’ve never understood folks’ “preferences”. It just seems like a stupid and shallow reason to miss out on a whole bunch of good guys.

  • Also being a man of color I’ve experienced this kind of treatment my entire life thus far. I understand people have likes and wants, but when I have a conversation with someone and they directly comment on my skin being the reason why they’re not interested, that’s when I have the problem. “You would be hot if you weren’t black”, ” Oh you’re black I don’t date black guys you might have aids”, “Sorry dude I’m allergic to chocolate”, and these are some of the tame comments I have heard. When I first began dating I viewed the gay world thru rose colored lenses, just letting negative comments roll off; but after twelve years of being out things have gotten worse. For a while I began to think something was wrong with me, yet I get hit on by so many women it’s unbelievable. I’m fit six packed, well educated, nice straight white smile, nice job; you name it I got it. I know the world is still full of racist people white, black etc.. And I hate using that word to describe someone, but that thinly veiled excuse of “its a preference” is ridiculous. What’s the real reason your not “into” a certain race, just be honest with yourself. Then take those thoughts, ideas, and comments and reverse them to fit your race, and ask yourself would I be offended? I hate when I read post where guys say “I wish people would get over it it’s a preference” or try to justify their actions, you can’t get over something that continues to happen.

  • I have encountered the same thing. I’m very attracted to white guys, but always get slapped with “not my type” or “not into blacks”…
    But yet I meet all of the other pre-requisites.
    Gay men want equality rights, but can’t even make amends with one another. I don’t understand it.

  • Wish you lived in Tacoma, not enough gay black men here as far as I’m concerned.

  • Skin color plays a role in sexual attraction to any breathing human being. It’s preference when some one chooses who they want to sleep with. Me being latino have been on both sides it all really depends on your preference. Could be that day, could be that week or it maybe never again, that you wanna have sex with someone of another culture or ethnicity. Everyone has a preference and I have seen where people only like their own race which is totally cool. I honestly think no one should care about being rejected it’s the same as a girl and guy situation if a girl wants to sleep with you she will if she doesn’t she will be mean as hell and blow u off, she may even say some hurtful things. Who cares! It’s life we all like different things. I have my opinions like I’m sure a black man has his and white man had theirs. Same with Chinese, Serbian, Indian, Russian and so on. If someone wasn’t so emotional on this subject they’d understand and wouldn’t really care if someone rejects them muscles, black, white, Indian, latino or not.

  • A problem like this is easily solved by a uhaul. Come to NY, you’d never have this problem again. All guys of all races would fall all over themselves to meet you.

  • I’m very white, and while I cannot say I have a “thing” for black guys, I’ve enjoyed the company of the few I’ve been able to hook up with. Just last night I was out-and-about and noticed at one of my favorite watering holes a black guy and a white guy hitting it off; they soon disappeared to a late evening of who-knows-what ;-) Maybe it’s because it’s different here in urban New England … maybe Colorado isn’t really a Blue State after all. Come East!

  • Go east my friend! Pittsburgh is better but not without similar issues. Seriously, race issues in the gay community are very much alive. I see “men of color only” on many African American profiles so the fundamental issue is on both sides not just what you experienced. It’s shameful that racial discrimination occurs in our already minority population, but it’s quietly ever so present.

  • It is ridiculous that ppl nowadays judge someone for his/her skin color… The beauty of human beings are we all coming in different colors, shapes, and so on… Probably you are in a very non diverse environment, I commend you to move to an area where diversity is embrace and celebrated… And forget about those ppl because they r so narrow minded! I know a lot of us are attracted to an specific type of person but there is so many ways of saying no without hurting someone’s else feeling… Don’t take rejection so seriously, and believe me: it is better to be alone than having a bad company, just wait for the right one to come and light up ur life

  • As a white gay man who grew up in the 50′s and lived in Greenwich Village I the 60′s I can say based on my experience that gay men of color have been in the minority in the gay community for many years. I may self like men of color both as friends and sexual partners.
    I lived in Chicago from 1981 to 2009 and based on my experiences there can honestly say that segregation still exists in our country. Although 45% of the population of Chicago are persons of color, not Latino. There were certain areas of the city that one never saw them. Yes they came to work in the Loop but after work they went one way and the whites and latinos went another…Very sad…Latinos can integrate into society but persons of colors because of that color still stay apart. Yes we are all comfortable with “our own kind” but we must realize that all men/women are “our own kind”….
    Very sad situation.

  • I’m white and only really attracted to black guys (though I give all races a fair shot…I mean if we click, we click). It’s funny how much hate mail I get from other white guys…stay within your own race and ni@@er lover or worse. I feel for your situation, it’s sad that there are still so many narrow minded people out there. It’s the 21st century now, I think it’s time the world evolved a bit. Good luck.

  • All you have to do is ask, “How many non-white men have been named People’s Sexyist Man Alive” to know how far everyone has really come. (The answer is one, Denzel Washington although Channing Tatum claims to be mixed)

  • At the heart of it all,is racism and ignorance and when you’re not willing to be open to other people of another,forget creed,just race then it’s plain old hatred….bottom line. I love men of every race if I find you attractive,then you’re attractive,and that’s it…the real problem is that it’s a heart issue,not a head issue…and only God can fix that. After all we don’t have the rainbow as a symbol for nothing.

  • My little black book has most of the colors of the rainbow in it, although being white myself it is heavily skewed in that part of the rainbow. I can understand that people have preferences, but I wonder if they’ve ever looked deeply at why those preferences are true. By definition any judgement made simply on looks is prejudiced.

    It’s a much wider world if you try to look past those initial subconscious reactions and look at the person in front of you.

  • First, welcome to Denver! I also live in Denver and am a man of color. I can identify with the things you have experienced in this city. There have been times that I respond to a profile that mentions nothing about preference; then I would get no response or “not my type” as a response. On the flip side, I have certain looks I like, but do not put that in to my profile. So if I got a response from someone who is “not my type”, I still respond to their message and chat with them (it’s just common courtesy). It is very rare that I’m the first to initiate a conversation, but I found that those who truly find you/ us attractive; they will respond.

    I wish I can say why there is such an anti-black sentiment in the gay community, but no one can say why. Not all of us are thugs, rappers, etc…the situation is no better if one is over 30 (another subject altogether). I don’t get it. At the same time, I have had my share of fun along the way with guys I find attractive. Not taking these things to heart is the best path, there are some in Denver that are open minded and they are seeking you.

    Good luck!

  • Check your own prejudices. Why is it that you have been offended by White Guys saying they aren’t interested? Are YOU only looking for White Guys? Come on. Check your own biases.

  • As a black man, I do also know that feeling, like you’re not “expected” to be in the same places they are. So many people are unaware of their prejudices and like to write them off as having “preferences”. In my personal experience, having strong preferences turns into having unconscious prejudices. I think the present state of racism in today’s society is the complete denial of racism (for fear of being labeled) and that racism only exists if it’s blatant and covert. In other words, racism has transformed from being direct and abrasive to being very aversive and subtle. People seem to forget that you can hide the hateful words but the thoughts and actions are still there and we still have a very long way to go.

  • As one of the people who has “not attracted to black men — sorry, just a preference” in his profile I am acquainted with your situation. I live in a racially diverse area with many African Americans. I have been contacted by black men and told that I am a racist or should remove it from my profile. I got tired of trying to defend myself against these attacks. There are some points you may not have considered.

    1. The statement in my profile is meant IN GENERAL. There are certainly some back men that I have found attractive. I have had sex with black men before but, for the most part, I am not attracted to them. Very little (if anything) can be done to change personal preferences. If there were, scientist would still be working on “converting” gay men to straight!

    2. Skin color has nothing to do with my preference. My father was mistaken for African American in this country. I have come to realize that what I truly dislike is the male African American culture. The “swagger” mentality that many (not all) black men have is a big turn off for me. I realize that (like in Hispanic culture) men are raised as princes in the African American culture, but no one should expect the rest of the world to treat you that way. Having to hear the whole, “I’m a baller” “a playerz” “I’m a fine ass ni**er” makes me run for the door.

    2. I believe everyone is entitled to their personal preference. I have been told I am too heavy, too hairy, too old (is that age discrimination????), to ethnic (I am Hispanic). I take it with a, “good to know” attitude and am thankful I did not spend a lot of small talk just to find out it wasn’t going anywhere.

    3. Black men are not immune from these same preferences. I have read many profiles from African American men that state, “brothers only” Is that racist because they will not give a white guy a chance? Or does racism work in just one direction?

    4. Stating your preference is not racism since I have also read many profiles of white guys who are only looking for black men. In fact, there is a term for it. BBC. Is that reverse discrimination?

    In the end, these are only personal preferences. Are these preferences the result of media hype and tradition; possibly. I have nothing but compassion for your situation. It would be easy to simply blame gay men as being vain, superficial, etc. etc. (preaching to the choir!) but that is just a convenient excuse. Instead, I think you should consider yourself unique and different from the common every-day gay you see walking the street. Some may not see it, but the ones that really matter and count will value your individualism.

  • I have this issue all the time down here in Florida. I am mostly black, but also mixed with white, latino, and native american which seems to make some guys think im latino or blatino. I personally am open to guys of all races and don’t really get how the colour of a man’s skin affects attraction. I just figure I don’t need people that narrow minded in my life and move on. Trying to fight the issue never really works because people just get defensive and say things like “I’m not racist, it’s just a preference.” It is racist though, and so is a white man who is only into black men. The only way we will ever get past this issue is if people who think this way first acknowledge that they are indeed being racist and then decide for themselves if they want to make a change or stay the way they are.

  • It is ignorance plain and simple. Some of the hottest and most passionate experiences I have ever had have been with black men. I learned late in life that there is a passion in black men that white men lack. A passion I am more than willing to have again.

  • As a black man, I do also know that feeling, like you’re not “expected” to be in the same places they are. So many people are unaware of their prejudices and like to write them off as having “preferences”. In my personal experience, having strong preferences turns into having unconscious prejudices. I think the present state of racism in today’s society is the complete denial of racism (for fear of being labeled) and that racism only exists if it’s blatant and covert. In other words, racism has transformed from being direct and abrasive to being very aversive and subtle. People seem to forget that you can hide the hateful words but the thoughts and actions are still there and we still have a very long way to go.

  • I grew up in NYC where many ethnicities coexist but being a white blond male seemed to be the most coveted type. I see this reinforced in pornography and the bartenders and waiters that gay establishments tend to hire. However, as an immigrant to this country I wonder why Black Americans want to be considered attractive by White Americans. Saying it out loud makes it sound even more ridiculous. There are many ethnicities that are not considered attractive by the majority in this country yours is not the only one. As a light skinned gay guy I have the privilege of hearing all sort of negative comments about Asians, Africans, Arabs, Indians, and Latinos, the list goes on and on and on and on.

    Also a recent study by a consortium of dating sites found that white female and white gay males are the least likely to date outside their race. That is the finding of the study. Based on that finding move forward and be strong.

  • I’ve encountered this myself where I live. I’d get some of the same responses and even blocked sometime for just saying hello. It gets to me sometime but the way I see it, it’s their loss not ours.

  • MelodyKing… I can understand your point.! I happen to enjoy every color of the rainbow… I’m a mixed black man ( my mom is Latina).. I’ve had the opposite issue… Not being black enough with one white guy ( whom I was really attracted to) telling me I was not his chocolate fantasy and another black man telling me he liked me for my curly hair and lighter skin in both cases I felt as if black men in the gay community are novelties… But that was years ago… My view from mid life has changed.. At 42 I find men who like me for me…….. However at this point in my life I can look forward to being discriminated against for being over 40… Lol

  • Welcome to the “big” city, melodyking13. Remember, we all have preferences and dislikes…that’s basic human nature. And unfortunately, some guys on here don’t articulate their thoughts well. If someone responds with eeeew!, then that’s on them. Don’t take this site so seriously. And definitely don’t take people’s comments seriously . If someone is writing something to you that crosses the line…block them and let the web master know. Trust me, as an out HIVer, some comments on here can sting. But I remind myself that some people speak out of fear and ignorance. At the end of the day what matters is that you know who you are and you are happy with that. Oh, and maybe soften your profile a bit too. Words like “picky”. And phrases like “don’t waste my time” also can set a tone. U r being honest in your profile for sure , but it can seem different to the reader. Personally,i adore dark skinned men. I’m in the wrong city! Have fun!

  • I am really tired of people thinking this is a racial issue. I am white and I am just not attracted to black men, it has nothing to do with their race, I just do not find them attractive. Please tell me how this is racist? If you don’t want to sleep with someone because they are fat does that make you prejudice as well? NO! it just says you are not attracted to fat men. Why do we make such a big deal about this? People are attracted to what they are attracted to, I like the features of a white male, that’s it. Does that mean I am racist against Asians? NO! just not attracted. Get over it and move on.

  • I’m a 40-something year old white guy… And am almost entirely attracted to more diverse guys. Like the skin contrast, and they are more likely to be smooth. Definitely get a lot of interest from HOT black guys who like white because apparently I’m unusual, even in Chicago.

    That said, many or most black guys prefer other black guys… Or so it seems.

    Personally I find it a bit presumptuous to suggest that a guy’s tastes in sexual partners is somehow racist or prejudicial. A lot of other non-majority guys have issues too — short, chunky, ugly, hairy, balding, disabled, gray, mentally challenged, poor…

  • I guess my comment wasn’t what you wanted to read! I posted it yesterday and now it says there are no comments.

  • Great discussion. I lived in Denver and Dallas. Denver is fabulous!!!! I didn’t date black men at first…I’m very thankful I stopped caring what others thought .. I love men period. It totally depends on chemistry for me. I’ve dated Latinos and Black guys. I actually am super super hot for tall skinny lean built black guys… Super hot. So I went from one end to the other…and some.

  • Is skin color always about race? Or has it become for many people no different than age, build, hair color, or having a bubble butt or being smooth?

  • I’m white. Grew up in LA region. I’m colorblind, not well versed with shapes, and bad at math. In otherwords, I don’t care about skin color or (for the most part) body type or age. I’m much more likely to syray away from overly ripped white gym rats (just my preference, not racist. Haha). I’ve “dated the world” as it were, my best LTR was a really good looking black man who was 6 years younger. I’ve dated +/- 10 yrs. All ended for personal character (or lack there of), not background, skin color, age, etc. This is mostly due to my upbringing. Partly from personal experience. I’m more likely NOT to date white guys (anti-racist?). I personally don’t get the limitations as some of the best people I’ve known and friends were/ are of all backgrounds and ages.

    Personally it’s a real turn off when I see “not into ____”, “just a preference”, “not racist” in a profile. I really feel like people are missing put on a lot!

  • I am black and I am sexually attracted to big bear white guys. I have had sex with all types but I gravitate towards that. In the bear community I have been rejected more times than not. I certainly don’t think it’s pure racism. For the most part, the bears tend to stick with that type. I do feel there are some stereotype issues out there that need to be dealt with in black gay community (especially in the south were I am) We are not all:

    a. On the Down Low
    b. Ultra-Queenie
    c. Mandingo Warriors

    I think the more we understand that if you are into another race, don’t expect the same thing from everyone of that race. Take everyone on an individual basis.

  • Wow yes we are mostly racist and probably prejudiced but when it comes to who we have sex with we like to be in denial and call it choice. LOL And we don’t limit this to just color.We tend to have “choice” issues with a lot of other non-majority guys too — short, fat, ugly, hairy, balding, disabled, gray, mentally challenged, poor… I say do what or who makes you feel good, stop the denial. We call it choices so make some and shut the fuck up!

  • I’ve read the comments above and for the most part all I can do is shake my head. It seem that when it comes to the bi-racial issue, your not supposed to have a sexual preference, but being part of the gay community for almost 50 years i have to say I can understand someone being turned on, or turned off by the color of someones skin. Even in this day and age I am not turned on by black men. i have black friends, and I have friends that only date black men. Being from a smaller city in Indiana I still have seem many black/white couples, and have no problem with that. But I do not look for sex in black men. That is my preference. I don’t think there is a reason to get rude with a black man making a pass at me unless he refuses to take a polite no for an answer, and believe me it has happened. I think it’s much the same as the way gay men react to an older gay man showing interest in them. I see a lot of profiles that say no one over 30, and what I find very funny is many of the ones that say that are over 30 themselves! That seems to be ok, and fine, but if the issue is skin color then your a bad person, and need to step into the 21 century! I am also not attracted to men that look and act like a woman. Next thing you know that will be wrong as well! If I see a guy on A4A that I’m interested in and message him, and he answers that I am to old for him, I don’t get upset. I just move on. I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I’ve gotten rude or hateful responses to a simple, Hi how are you doing?, We will all be older some day God willing! When your older and you get shot down by a hateful response from some younger guy, or even from some one your own age, remember some of the rude responses you have shot back to some guy who’s only sin is he was born some point before you where.

  • There is no bigger turnoff then a guy making his self pitty public to the world. I would be shocked if you got any guy at all, nomatter the color, with that whiney, complainng, boo-hoo, poor me attitute. Some people like what they like and you’ll exhaust yourself trying to change that. You’ll miss out on the opportunities that do present themselves.

    If anyone should be understanding of sexual preference- IT SHOULD BE ALL GAY PEOPLE. If somebody isn’t attracted to black people, how is that any different then not being attracted to women? Move along.

  • not being into black guys is a preference rooted in racism

  • As a dark skinned black man
    I am never offended when I see “no blacks”
    sex is really the only place left where you can reject some one because of color. Plus black guys sometimes say “no whites”.
    Besides I’m not into certain types.

  • How funny as a gay culture, that we complain about being discriminated against, only to do it even worse, to our own “kind”. Sure we all have preferences, and you can’t help who you are attracted to(or not). That being said, if you exclude, you run the chance of missing something really good. Consider the people who have said “no” to you, really not worthy of your time. Good luck to you, and you will find someone worthy of your time.

  • Attraction CANNOT be explained. It is very simple….for some of us a man of color is the preference..I for one love an ethnic looking man. It’s my head turner and the actual color of his skin isn’t an issue for me I do not care if he is as black as night or looks like caramel with cream. I love that I am of American/European extraction with very fair skin so that the times I am with a man of color the difference in the two of us is a huge turn on his skin against my skin. Together it is beautiful to me . There will always be bigotry as a black man you must already know that. And do not think for one second that white men have not been rejected because we are not black , because I can tell you it works the other way also….but you move on and find someone who is not closed mined….they are there …keep looking .

  • I respect peoples preference of who they find attractive and who they find unattractive. I respect the fact that just because I find you attractive, it may not be mutual. Just give me the same respect. I would not want anyone to be rejected based on the color of their skin. Its wrong no matter who does it. Should I expect just because we share an interest in the same gender we should have instant connection? Or just because we both have the same genital we can have sex? I would not assume so and I place myself in a position to be rejected with that assumption. Racism does exist, and we have to deal with that. How you deal with it is your choice. I am a Black man and there are attractive men of all races. This issue is just another topic to consider when you are relocating.

  • Don’t let the a holes get you down man are hot in all shades if they don’t like you for you there loss

  • It’s sad but unfortunately some people are closed minded when it comes to dating/getting with someone of a different ethnicity,yes everyone has a preference but as I always say don’t hide your prejudice behind the word preference because you’ll be missing out on meeting great guys or even your soulmate.

  • I am a Hispanic male and I love me Hispanic men and women. Those are my prefences but it doesn’t mean that I won’t consider a different skin tone.If a person finds that dating a specific type is a deal breaker then that say how shallow they can be. This is the same issue with someone being to short or to big. All and all, the compromise should be in how people express their preference, they shouldn’t be rude about someone different. Think with both heads!

  • James Z. Says, “I am a Hispanic male and I love me Hispanic men and women. Those are my prefences but it doesn’t mean that I won’t consider a different skin tone.”……. James, different skin tone???.. What skin tone are Hispanics???..:.. Like blacks, the skin tone ranges from the whitest of whites to the darkest of dark

  • I can’t believe stuff like this still happen. I msged a guy about 5 mins ago because he seemed so sad and lonely to be nice to him. His response ” don’t message me, I’m NOT into black guys” to me that is racist. Yes we all have a type/preference but when you respond like that clearly you’re racist. My profile didn’t even say “black”

  • I am sorry to near about your issues in Denver. As a white guy i look at the face before anything. Then it how they act toward me. I do not look at skin color unless the other guy asks about what kind of guys i like. If that question is asked then i tell him you. You will find a guy for you that likes you for what you are as a person not your skin color.

  • Hi there.
    You’re not the only black guy that has gone through this. There are many that deal with this all the time. Never let it turn you away from looking.

    As a mixed racial guy, I’ve gone through this as well. Especially living here (my whole like) in NYC. It’s not just something that happens where you’re at. It happens well within cities like mine that are well racial diverse. People are going to be people.

    Now speaking on my own “black book” err dating or/and hooking up experiences, you could say “I’ve been to the U.N. a few times” (lol). I like guys no matter their racial/ethnic background/complexion. I’ve been with pale white, tanned white, yellow, bronze, brown, black, etc. (you get the point). My only set preference was just their body type – you know the whole height/weight proportion thing. Now I do tend to like more so white guys, BUT I never turned down any cute guy of another race. At different time periods I tend to go for 1 race more than the other.

    While some guys not into blacks are cool; others that aren’t into blacks tend to be bigoted, egotistical jerks.

    One thing (I don’t know if you’ve noticed) is that [to me] when most other races are into black guys, they for some reason always go for the darker ones. Which being light-medium brown-skinned always made me upset. And I would often wonder what was it that they had that I didn’t? Was it that they were darker and that whole “the darker the berry the sweeter the juice” saying was correct. Anyways, I think I started to deviate from the main topic a bit.

    Also you know you could flip it a bit.. why are more older white guys more into black guys then younger white guys into black guys??

    =)

  • Hot is hot no matter what color. We all need some chocolate in our diet every so often!

  • I hate to chime in on this because it is so contentious.

    It’s tough being something that many people around you are not attracted to. It’s tough being around a lot of people that are not attracted to you.

    If I personally could control my attractions, frankly, I’d be straight. There is something very powerful, very hormonal, very physical mixed up in our sexuality.

    If I could control my attractions, I’d like to be attracted to more of what is around me commonly.

    It just isn’t so. I can’t make it so.

    Smell, past experiences, upbringing (though apparently not all upbringing or we’d mostly be str8), fetishes, stresses, fear, excitement, visuals, touch, race… it all factors into it.

    I’d shift things a bit. I’ve had lots of guys jump all over my profile. They know nothing but what they see and some BS paragraph. So many guys come after me and tell me how hot I am and how “lucky” I am. Meanwhile, they are out of shape, don’t seem to have a job and are looking less than appealing. Frankly, I work really f-ing hard to be who I am and look how I do. It’s a priority. Jus the same, kindly say no, and I’ve gotten so many angry tirades.

    It’s hard finding the right mix.

    I think a lot about having a physical human experience is remembering that we are spiritual beings. We do love to aspire to great decency, morals and intentions, but we are constrained and challenged by our view at any moment; our perceptions as limited by who we are, what we remember and what we can see from our own private perspective.

    It’s tempting and I struggle with it, but there is no sense to make the pain or experience of others your own unless it really is something that serves you well.

    The one, perhaps crazy, spiritual inkling that I do tend to keep is that the things that come my way have reason. They match with what I need, whether I like it or not; whether it’s easy or not. Sometimes, you see, feel and experience what you need. And that’s because I’m me and you’re you.

    …if only just the “nature” of a guy’s “great” personality was enough to satisfy my many biological and mental needs. Hell, I’ve even sexed out the physically hottest guys around me to little effect. I’m always guessing about what is what and why.

    And to be judgy…. yeah… I think lots of the “oh what backwards, shallow, horrible people” comments are just as damaging as being racist. If you naturally love and click with every race and color and shape and scent of a guy, that’s really great. It makes your world a big one. That’s true for some. For others, they lack any level of discrimination. Or maybe some have a great need to prove that you are that kind of person. Or maybe some others of these folks are just happy for that touch and experience (loosely translated more rudely as slutty). And don’t get me wrong. I’d like to be sluttier. I just can’t find enough of what works.

    …The point is… there are lots of different valid reasons for all kinds of actions that we each take during our lives. Many of things that we cannot change about ourselves despite our intentions are opportunities to learn and grow. Count your blessings and focus on what works for you personally.

  • Love the comments. Black male here from the South. Not experienced with men (have kissed and foreplay with three men):Black, Hispanic and White. Loved something about all three. I dunno which one makes me the hottest. Ready for more encounters. Hit me up Fellas. –Shakerrump

  • after reading through every single comment,i have to say its not about “sexual preference” but its about getting the chance. I grew up in a mixed area, and when i moved out to dallas i wanted the same thing…mixed friends,mixed sex..but its far from that…you have racist guys from all backgrounds. Blacks will say “only into blacks” and the same with every other race. I do my best to give everyone a chance,and maybe im ignorant to do so but if i see a good looking black guy out here,and i read his profile and it says “only blacks” i dont respond…thats me feeding the fire…im not gonna stoop down to that level at all. I for one was looking for friends out here..and how can i make friends/chat buddies on here if they say “no blacks”…did i get MY chance…..

  • If you loved yourself you wouldnt have this issue.
    Why chase after a White man who can’t FULLY identify with you? Won’t you grow tired of being a sex toy…or dare i say sex slave?
    There’s always going to be that one thought you’ve pushed from your mind, but forever burns in his:

    Nigger.

  • People forget. A few years ago in the Castro district of California where it was proven that black gay patrons were discriminated against and barred from entering gay clubs in that area. So yes, there is rampant racism in the gay community. As well as society as a whole. And for “Danishboy”, “Mo’Money” was most likely written by a white racist to garner negative attention.

  • here’s something i’ve said in this place here :

    ======
    people around these parts are throwing around the ‘r’ word a little too casually … and some other people are taking advantage of this, playing with semantics, by proclaiming their bullshit is not “racism”

    which, technically, it’s not; rather, “prejudiced” would be a better descriptor for their exclusionary bullshit.
    there’s also ‘bias’ (and ‘discrimination’ and ‘exclusion’ {as a simple, basic template})

    harbouring a bias or prejudice, and then acting on the prejudice/bias through exclusion and discrimination, does not automatically also imply “racist” (or “ethnicist”) intent

    what i find humour’us is, these prejudiced individuals rarely ever are wont to admit that they simply base their actions and beliefs on stereotypes/generalizations.

    actually, i would be quite happy to hear some exclusionists bluntly declare, “no matter how the man looks or acts; no matter if he is even more entrenched in the culture i embrace, more than i am myself: if i know his blood line is of ‘XYZ,’ i’ll have no interest in him.
    “i’ll lose interest in him immediately.
    “even if the dude looks precisely like my envisioning of The Sexiest Specimen Alive™, and is ostensibly ‘my type’ in every other way.”

    i am sure there is also culturalism involved in this whole mess as well.

    i’m not here to convert prejudiced, exclusionist individuals; i just want you-all to be more forthright.
    ======

    scanning through these comments, i have seen a couple of people have done a portion of what i requested: admit that they’re going off of stereotypes.

    one thing i did not mention, was that it is OKAY to not be attracted to certain specific traits.
    i’m a black guy, and I DON’T LIKE THUG HOODRATS EITHER.
    (it’s funny though.
    european immigrants, and some other ‘native’ whites, from the “united” states, around the early 1900s, were the first thugs/gangsters.)
    but, unlike viceroy219, i know that there is no one “black american culture.”
    he actually spoke as if we-all are the same.
    (the dingbat.)
    he’s an example of a ‘culturalist.’
    okay, cool. you don’t have to like a particular culture.
    thuggishness isn’t exclusive to us blacks, though.
    (or did you not know that?)

  • I’m on the fence about this. I understand that everybody has their preferences. If I come across a profile that states “no blacks/Asians/etc”, I just keep reminding myself to not take it personal. Not everybody is into me & vice versa. Who am I to judge somebody because they like the things they like?
    However, to make comments like “Ewwww, are you serious?” in regards to someone’s ethnicity…that’s just blatantly disrespectful. It’s disgusting. Nobody should have to go through that ordeal. But the world is chockful of idiots. Don’t waste your energy on negative folks. Find people who are worth your time.

  • To each his own, though I think restriction is narrow minded. I am white and very attracted to black men. I have seen negative ads and heard men say they are not attracted to one race or another. I understand that we all have different tastes and are attracted to very different things. What I find beautiful someone else may see as plain or ordinary. The saying, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, comes to mind. But, please don’t telle you are not attracted to something that you haven’t tried! I think there is someone for everyone and skin color has nothing to do with it!

  • This is an interesting subject. I’ve been on this site in DC, Philly, Jersey, and New York. Never really noticed it until I moved to South Carolina. Then I really started to notice it. I can understand people have their preferences, but sometimes it just sounds they want nothing to do with that other particular race at all. I think its just a thin line, between preferences and ignorance. I’m glad someone put this blog up. Its great discussion to talk about the huge black elephant in the room.

  • I’m a black guy and I personally avoid guys who state on their profile ‘only into Black guys’ because all of a sudden I’m thinking this guy is looking for a stereotype of a black male which for me is too much pressure added. That said seeing ‘not into Black’ on a profile I do take as offensive. For me colour doesn’t need to be mentioned. But racism is just as prevalent within the black community too. There are so many single guys online looking for the elusive Mr Right. Why reduce your options in finding a mate by limiting your options based on colour lines?

  • As a white male who has always dated interracially both men and women, I have never understood the prejudice some people show when it comes to dating. Yes, we all have our preferences, but to not even consider an entire race of people as being worthy of a date…or more…it just seems foolish to me.

  • I’m from Seattle, which is typically a pretty diverse and accepting place, but I still regularly see people that play the “no -insert ethnicity here-” right out of the gate. I suppose that if you’re just straight up looking to fuck, that could be a preference thing. Personally, some of the best sex of my life was with a black guy, so if they’re just looking to fuck, THEIR LOSS.

  • When it comes to socializing, I will socialize with anyone. When it comes to sex, I know what turns me on. Men of all ethnicities turn me on; some more than others. There are a lot of hurt men out there.

  • I live here in Denver, and its a problem. I don’t even date black guys and I’m black (yes judge away). I have noticed that guys about 35 and up are much very interested in me. I’m not sure why. Also Denver has few gay venues that that targets gay blacks. I almost got mad when XBAR told us they don’t play hip-hop cause they’re “trying to attract a certain crowd.” The only gay ad out here featuring a black guy was about HIV. My good friend says he remembers his color (he’s part white and Thai) only around gay guys, Both of us noticed white girls hit on us more than any other race.

    ALSO…my research implies attraction is not biological as much as it is learned.

  • Okay, so I RARELY comment on posts on here, but I feel compelled to do so for this one. I’m a bisexual man, and I have a preference towards men in the relationship department. Does that mean that I’m a sexist? No… it just means that I don’t want a romantic relationship with women.

    I also happen to be tri racial. I’m European – American, Native American, and Black Creole. Along that same line of thought, I tend to be more attracted to certain types of people. For example, I find Asian women attractive, but I’m not particularly attracted to Asian men. I find light skinned black men attractive, but I’m more attracted to dark skinned black women. However, I generally prefer white, Latin, or Native American men and women over any other skin tone.
    All that being said, I have been accused of being racist many times just because I turned someone down, and despite the fact that I look white, because my profile says “mixed race” I get turned down all the time. Do I get my knickers in a twist over it? NO… I move on to the next good looking guy with a big dick and hope he’ll fuck my brains out.
    This is a hook up site! It’s not fucking E Harmony! Grow up! Just because the gorgeous guy you were cruising isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world! All that aside, fuck everyone else, your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters.

  • I feel for ya dude but attraction is an incredibly complex and difficult to understand and even more difficult to explain. You can describe what you like, but can you explain WHY you like what you like? If you’ve ever tried you can’t really give a logical explanation, no matter how hard you try, you usually just end back up at I just think this or that is hot or attractive or sexy. Being a gay man you should be able to understand this, when you were growing up i’d bet your family, friends, heck just about everyone in your life expected you to like women, but at some point in time you figured out their assumptions were all wrong and that you liked men, even though youve been told ever since you could remember that boys like girls. I myself am a white man and generally I’m not attracted to black men, I have wished it was different because it seems like a lot of black men are into me, but men generally require a physical reaction for sex to happen. Would you have sex with an morbidally obese man or even further a woman? If you wouldn’t why not? Probablly because you are not attracted to them sexually. Its no different then someone who isn’t attracted to black men. I have absolutely no problem being friends with black people, personally I LOVE black chicks, and I will be friends with anyone that can hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes and keep my interest, and I believe that is the only way you can judge a person’s racial bias. I’ve always said why would I hate you because of your skin color, sex, sexual orientation, RELIGION, etc… when there are so many better reasons to hate you. What I mean is that I don’t want to be friends with a white supremacist, because there are good people and bad people in every ethnicity, sex, religion, etc, and judging people by labels that society puts on us to divide us up to keep us bickering umongst ourselves is stupid, and you will miss out on a lot of really good people in your life if you refuse to associate with people who look, act and/or think a little differently from you. I will hate a person because of their lack of content of character, not the color of their skin.

  • The moment I discovered black men, I was hooked for life, lol. As with any man, you have to be sure he has qualities that will make you compatible mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

  • I know how you feel I live in St louis Mo. And frankly the gay life here sucks I’m a afro American male and I’m color blind. I see men as men white, black, yellow, green etc in my eyes we are all equal

  • I’m black and I’ve lived in three major cities in my life: Cleveland, Phoenix, and Pittsburgh. Even though all three cities have vastly different racial atmospheres, attitudes towards me have been the same really. Some guys are attracted to me *because* of my skin color, some are repulsed like I have 3 heads, and a rare select few have been interested in me as a person.

    Whether I like it or not, my dark skin is a physical feature that some people will not find sexually attractive, and no amount of ranting will ever change that. If it were ONLY that, I wouldn’t have a problem, but it’s compounded by people’s preconceived notions of how black men act. I’m not a thug, I’m not on the DL, I’m not super-fem (in fact these three are my biggest turn-offs), and I don’t want your fucking money.

    Thankfully, this problem solves itself. If you’re that ignorant, I don’t want you anyway. I’m not so desperate for cock that I want it from someone who sees me as a skin color and not a person, and if that involves being single in the meantime, I’m okay with that.

  • I am sure lots of people won’t like what I am gonna say. I am a “minority” which is included in white race for demographic purposes, but I definitely not from an european descent. I am not racist by any mean, and have good friends from all background. But when it comes to dating and having sex, why it is hard to put in some people thick skull that people have some preferences? If you are not attracted to them, you can’t sleep with them, plain and simple. Affirmative action does not apply here.

    I have a soft spot for guys with dark features, but I am not into black guys. It is not the skin color issue, it is the features that I am not attracted to. The very few black guys that I met and I felt attracted to, turned out to have some other race mixed in their background.

    And why most models portrayed in the media are white/europeans? It is not really a racism issue, it is just because this is where you find most good looking people, then comes ( in my opinion) latin/hispanic/middle eastern, then asian..and then black..it is just pure statistics…”you go where the money is”.. that ‘s why many white guys want to go for white guys and many non-white guys want to go for white guys ( as the case with this author).

    I am sick of people waiving the Race Card every time things do not go the way they want to. Grow up and move on. They are not into you, and there is nothing you can do to make them into you!

    Enough said

  • Simple – Freedom of Choice! Sure I have preferences. But, color is NOT one of them. Friendly, confident, Clean, and HONEST.

  • The interesting responses are those like the one above. “Stop whining”, those always come from someone who has absolutely no idea of what it’s like to be discriminated against. It’s also interesting that he thinks he’s not racist because it’s not skin color he’s not attracted to but is the ” black features”. Newsflash: you’re still racist and your following statement proves that it’s basically a learned preference built upon media representation (I.e. brainwashing) an bullshit attitudes about superiority and beauty.

    As for the topic at hand, racism is absolutely disgusting. If you want to date only your “race”, I consider you a disgusting human being but I won’t have a problem with you until you start talking badly about interracial matters. Besides, there’s only one race: The human race FYI.

    P.S. The dismissal of “oh we prefer men, we are sexist then” is pathetic. You don’t choose to be gay, hell there is plenty of research it’s biological, but you can choose to be a discriminatory asshole.

  • To “The Interesting Thing”… I was expecting those type of responses… people who do not have substantial argument, usually resort to name calling..Thank you for calling me “racist, disgusting,…” ..but you know what, it won’t change a damn thing.

    Again as I stated before, I am a “minority” and I have witnessed discrimination in daily life in stuff much more important than the sex/dating thing..you loose also on that

    But I am a very objective person…and beauty is very subjective..but the reality is, certain groups/nationalities/ethnicities, etc.. ( if you don’t wanna talk about race) have a higher percentage of physical beauty than others, and many people agree with that..you have the right to deny it and put your head in the sand..

    And I don’t know what you want the media to do..more photoshopping to make some people look more attractive than they are just to please you? At the end, media is a business and are after what the viewer wants to see and not the other way around.

    Go ahead..call me a racist as much as you want..That is the easiest argument those with no valid argument use…But it won’t change a thing…If they are not attracted to you, there is nothing you can do to change it.

  • I understand that it is hurtful to be rejected by someone because of your race.I’m black and gay too when I see profiles that say “No Blacks” I move to the next one.My question to you and to other people of color who let this get you down is do you only want to date white guys?Because I have found that alot of black and asian guys will not date their own but will be up set when a white guy won’t date them.

  • The guys who don’t like black guys aren’t going to suddenly like black guys because you wrote a complaint letter to management.

    Who fucking cares? We white people don’t owe you shit. We used to own your asses at one time and you should be greatful enough that we set you free. You’re welcome.

    Again- we owe you NOTHING… and I’m sure your chances of getting the privilege to date one of us would increase tremendously if you all shut the fuck up and stop complaining about EVERYTHING under the Sun.

    Black people will NEVER be satisfied, nomatter how much we give them. Once you no longer have the “race issue” to deal with, you’ll find something else to throw a fit about.

    This is America- blacks will NEVER be equal to whites. At least in our lifetime. So don’t exhaust yourself trying to change that.

  • This is an issue that I think definitely needs to be talked about. First of all- there is no such thing as an actual “black” or “white” person. These classifications are just social constructs which were created to create a hierarchy in society. (Look up Bacon’s Rebellion). Anyone who continues to identify people based on those terms are part of the problem for reenforcing divisive labels. Ethnic background is a different story.

    With that said, I live in Los Angeles and I find that there is someone for everyone out here…. When it goes to race/ethnicity. There are various subcultures in the city and it’s more about lifestyle than background. I am going to be honest, mainstream gay culture in LA has traditionally put Caucasian-looking men to the forefront. I’ve heard many day it goes like this: 1.White 2. Latino/Mixed/Middle Eastern 3.Black 4. Asian. (To the African-American guys; at least your not considered, “Asian”). I have been noticing a shift, though. It might be because of all of the diversity but most of the objectified men nowadays seem to run the gamut of backgrounds. I myself have a very mixed background (Latino/Euro/Afro/Native) and have been considered at least part of almost every race; though I just identify as “Latino”to simplify things (Raised in a Latin household and have dark wavy/curly hair & tan skin).

    In my experience, I’ve honestly been with more “white” dudes than any other group. They always seem to pursue me more. Or maybe its because there is more of them than any other group. Even if its a fetish thing or whatever I’m fine with that, to be honest, I’m just looking for fun most of the time. I guess they like a lil spice… Plus I have a great dick; but that’s off topic. But back on track, there are a bunch of racists out there on both sides of the spectrum. I’ve dealt with them my entire life.

    I read most of the above comments and I can see how an actual, dark-skinned African-American man would be discriminated against, because I know how bigoted people are. What I don’t get is the light-skinned, mixed guys who are complaining about being discriminated against for being “black”. You are mixed, not black… Everyone loves mixed guys. Maybe you need to switch something up if you are trying to get a “white” dude. Style, speech, demeanor… I don’t know.

    I came to terms with the fact that I’m not the ideal for everyone a long time ago. Ironically, when I did that, I also recreated myself into someone who would have a broader appeal in the global dating market and now all sorts of people like me. The funny part is that I’m not looking for a relationship anymore. Go figure.

    My bad advice for the “Brothas” out there (and anyone else who feels like they are being filtered out as a preference):

    *Work on your body. Get HOT.
    *Get an education. It helps to have a career.
    *Change your style up. Don’t be too urban/hiphop. Or any extreme for that matter.
    *Never give anyone a chance to call you ghetto. From the way you act, talk, dress.
    *Completely embrace yourself, ignore the haters and move on. (What I do).
    *Get rich. Money talks.
    *Don’t change, move to a place where you will be considered desirable.
    *There are plenty of people who are turned on by all sorts of things. Find them.

    I know this is a weird comment. Just my 2 cents on the subject.

  • I personally think interracial sex/dating is wrong. I think its very important that each races perservse its own attributes.

    I am white- full-blooded German. Blonde hair/ blue eyes. I only date white guys… I won’t even date guys with dark eyes. Only blue or green. Obviously I can’t reproduce when fucking another guy, but its still important to practice food ethics.

    For example- if all the blue-eyed people breeder with people of dark features… Eventually nobody will have blue eyes. If I one day want to have a child, it will have to be with a blue-eyed woman. Where I come from, light features are seen as superior… If I had a child with even just brown eyes, he/she would be seen as a lower class- and it would be wrong for me to KNOWINGLY mate with somebody that could produce a child with any darker features. It’s not fair to the child.

    I think even in the gay community, we need practise this as well… If younger generations see us mixing, they will thinks its ok. And maybe breed outside their own race.

    Everyone is equal… But this is no excuse for interratial mingling.

    Here in Germany we still hold these ideas very strongly. And in America… It seems everyone there has similar views, but everyone does everything they can to suppress them… It’s unfortunate because the “seperate but equal” ways of life prove to make a place much more peaceful.

  • This is one of the reasons why I get so irritated when I hear our community talk about “we just want to be excepted”. How can we say we want people to accept us for something e cant change, but then turn around and say I wont date someone because of their race, which they cant change. The thing that kills me further, is when they claim its a preference. No my friend is a race thing and you have an issue with that race. Preference to me is like white bread over wheat because of the way it taste. Like many have said on here, you judge a person by the content of there character, not the color of their skin.

  • And to take it a step further, how about the people on here that say “stop whining”, how about you stop whining about being treated equally. I mean hell if an employer doesn’t want to hire you that should be ok. It’s their preference to not want a homo working for them. Right? Or an establishment not serving you because they only serve str8 people.

  • Interesting discussion. Conclusion: Like most issues we face, they’re mired in man’s quest to understand or find enlightenment. After all, we now know there is only one race and that is the “human race”. The rest becomes irrelevant.

  • BOLOGNA CLAP-TRAP THE LOT OF THESE COMMENTS. HERE, HERE!

  • BY THE TIME I’M FINISHED JUDGING YOU ON THE “CONTENT OF YOUR CHARACTER,” YOU’LL BE BEGGING ME TO JUDGE YOU ON THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN.

  • Not this topic again. I for one am tired of hearing white guys defend themselves for not being into blacks and blacks guys who like white dudes getting upset when you get rejected by one.

    For the white guys, just say, not thanks, not interested, but don’t mention skin color. For the blacks guys, why don’t you message other “men of color,” or do you not like them either?

    Online relationships are shallow in all aspects; people are hunting for specific things.

    As for me, I am black, and most of the guys I’ve hooked up with have been white, just because there is more of them available in orlando. Don’t get your feelings hurt when you get rejected, just move one, there is someone for everyone.

  • Reading the posts here, it seems like racial divisions are not what gay guys in general are about.

  • This is to enough whining. You do realize that the dominant culture in this country is white. The race that is in power in this country (for the most part) is white. That the dominant culture dictates what beauty is. And that what we perceive to be attractive is a learned behavior. With the media saying that white is beautiful, that thin is attractive, why do you think that so many overweight people have self esteem issues? Why do you think in the study that took place in the 60′s and again a few years ago, black kids said that the darker complected doll was the bad doll and the white doll was the good doll? Why do you think that in India, which was a British colony for years, that people there spend millions to lighten their skin? If you don’t see that you’re a racist, I don’t know what to tell you.

  • Been reading through
    I see it is a topic of concern or the thread would not have brought so very many responses and this is a good thing
    Being a bottom here in the Caribbean I have no preference regarding a man of race
    I find black men at the very top of my list I do know I receive the answers from many they are not interested be it age race or whatever I know we all have preferences I would bottom for any guy really that us clean and a nice guy
    White bottoms here in the Caribbean are many and black tops are also many we don’t have that race issue on the island I live on I feel for you

  • I live in a southern city & see plenty of the “no blacks” postings in A4A. (While I understand “preference”, there’s also ignorance going on here… tell me you just “prefer” white guys once you’ve been with a few non-whites! Until then, you’re like the kid who won’t touch the ice-cream cone because it has nuts all over it… you just don’t know what you’re missing!)

    That being said, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I profit from the others’ loss — I get more hits on my a4a profile from young men of color (black, hispanic, even a few asian) who have been turned away by all the other younger men… I’m 42, and for many of these guys, that would be way older than they would ever normally stray… thankfully, the local “young, dumb, and full of cum” crowd is primarily focused on the dumb part, leaving a great deal of boy-candy for me (and others of my “age-related handicap”)…

  • Ive been with a black guy before and it was hot as hell. Trying to do it again but the scene here in CT for guys to actually find a BF and love are dismal. Too many players and fakes here. Good luck you will find the right guy.

  • It goes both ways. I’ve lost count of the profiles of men of colour that read “only into brothas” etc as I’ve lost count of the profiles from whites, latinos, and other races who are not into blacks, asians, etc. At the end of the day people are attracted to who they’re attracted to.

    As a man of colour from the Caribbean who doesn’t put any restrictions on a person’s race, I get more looks/stares from other men of color when I date outside of my race, than from whites, latinos, asians, etc. It appears these same “minorities” harp on about equality when they themselves can’t handle equality; it’s like they only want it for themselves and on their terms.

  • Paranoid much? I find it funny that when ever something doesn’t go the way some people think it should, they yell prejudice, or discrimination! In this case as in many others it’s bunk! It’s just a ploy to make some one feel like they are wrong for feeling different than you want. They don’t want to be racist so they will date or hook up with some one that they aren’t attracted too. If a black man isn’t attracted to a white man then it’s fine and all is right with the world, but let a white man say he isn’t sexually attracted to a black man, then he’s prejudice! Like I said Bunk! Maybe if you try and make men feel wrong for not being interested in hooking up with a black man, then they might not put stuff on their profile, like not interested in blacks, or no blacks respond. You don’t see that for most races, but then again they don’t cry racism if you aren’t interested. I don’t have any of that on my profile,but when I have tried to tell some of the black men that have contacted me, wanting to hook up, they tried the whole raciest thing, and didn’t want to take no for an answer. The black men I have been with started out as friends, and after we got close it turned into sex.

  • Looking at the HUGE number of comments here with MOST guys being respectful of ‘preferences’ and even having a thing for black guys, I question the author’s authenticity. I would guess that there are other traits about you that they don’t like (and maybe or maybe not being open about it) but maybe you are using the color thing as the issue when it’s something else? As a rarity you should be more than sought after.

  • FUKMOMONEYDIK

    Really should take a English and writing class

  • Yes, Enough Whining, I will go ahead and call you racist because that’s exactly what you are. You can “bury your head in the sand” and pretend that you aren’t a bigoted, KKK-flag waving POS, but you are. Keep thinking that people call you racist because they have no argument — and when you’re dying alone because of what a vile, nasty person you are, you’ll deserve it.

    What kind of bigot writes “blacks are objectively ugly” — hmm, funny, Australians don’t think that. Europeans don’t think that. Brazilians don’t think that. What, do black features suddenly become “un-ugly” in the flight overseas? It’s subjective. You’re allowed to find whatever you want attractive, but only an American white gay can try to pass off his subjective racism as object truth.

    Blacks don’t take gay rights seriously for good reasons — many white gays think like Enough Whining and are in it all for themselves. This community is arguing for equality. It’s a complete joke. Disgusting.

  • I’M WHITE AND I LOVE BLACK DICK!!!!! and white dick, latino dick, etc. its the man behind the dick that matters. Don’t sweat the small stuff, youll find the right guy. im in Denver myself and prefer black men 100% of the time if hes a fun, good person. Dbags come in every color and that is what makes people ugly.

Leave a comment

Visit us
Link website adam4adam.com
Follow us
Rate this blog
Best Male Blogs - naked men, gay porn, homo culture, queer blogs

PLU Gay Blogs

Recent comments