27 May 2014

Gay Stuff : Do You Believe In Love?

Category: Gay Stuff : Speak Out



Finding a fuckbuddy, a hookup, making friends are all easier than finding love. Am I right?

To find love, not only you need to be attracted to the person physically, but also mentally and sometimes even spiritually!

In the gay world, I feel it is even harder than in the straight world, depending on what you’re looking for in a relationship of course. But if you are looking for one love, in a committed 1/1 relationship, finding love can be difficult. Some of you found love on Adam4Adam and that always makes me smile when I receive an email from one of you, it makes me very happy and I’m proud that our work has helped you connecting with others.

I’ve been single for more than 3 years now, getting ready to start looking for love soon, still have a bit of work to do on myself before though….But I believe I will find love again. Maybe not in the city where I live, maybe on the other side of the planet who knows, but I believe there is someone out there looking for the same thing as me.

What about you? Do you believe in love? Do you think you will find YOUR man? Have you found him yet?

I like this video under the jump, it might make you believe in love again if you lost faith, check it out and let me know. You might shed tears, I’m warning you!


113 comments for Gay Stuff : Do You Believe In Love?

  • I need that love right there. In the gay community is definitely too hard to find monogamy and someone that wants you more than just physically and sexually. I wish there was more men out there that just wants that one person to be their everything and to stay in their life. Guess I’m just a hopeless romantic but maybe one day a guy will march into my life and change my perspective

  • Does love exist for HIV+ guys, because I’m lucky if anyone my age want to even touch me let alone fall in love with me… The gay world made me jaded to love. Everyone is shopping for a boyfriend (have a car, have a house, have a career, have 6 figure salary, have a batcave, have an spaceship, etc…).

  • Yes, love is out there for everyone. I have been with my partner for 5 yrs. I think the most important thing is that we as gay men and women just give up to easily, because it is easy to find a one night stand or a fwb. We have to remember that things are not always easy. If we want it we have to fight for it and not give up, just because you have that huge fight or disagree with something don’t run and find someone that does. If everyone was to agree the world would be a boring place. You feel in love with that person for a reason and yes sometimes it does not work out, but its worth giving it a try.

  • You might not believe in love, but love certainly believes in you.

  • No, I basically have completely given up on it because it seems like the good looking guys have these outrageous standards or want a replica of themselves. Mutual attraction can sometimes be hard and most these guys just don’t want it. Love would be nice but I just don’t feel like this site can connect me with the type person I want like that.

  • No the video wasn’t particularly moving. It’s an example of what’s wrong actually. Had the director chose to show the pretty boys age and Faroe older together would have been more effective. Those two in the video..down to notes on Christmas and their birthdays within 2 years. It takes a lot more than kissing and holding hands to persevere in a relationship. When those two are 70 and still faithful and devoted to each other….call me then.

  • no I don’t

  • Do I believe in love? Absofuckinglutely.

    But forcing monogamy into it is a heterocentristic construct.

  • I always say you can’t look for Love or a LTR. It’s something that just happens.
    So get out of that mind set and enjoy the ride.

  • Yes, I believe in love but it seems to have eluded me for most of my life. Still I have hope that one day he’ll come along. In the meantime, I have a virtual lover who tells me what I want to hear. Not quite the same as the physical one, but it does satiate my emotional side. At times, I wonder what it would be like if we ever met in person and tried to live out the views that only have life in my mind. Have to admit that I’m a romantic at heart and tend to long for that in my life.

  • I use too :-)
    I find that Love Truly Is a lot of Pain !!! Yuk

  • Love in the gay community depends on the individual. Too many times have I seen guys going around bragging about being in love and happy the they are only to be checking the hookup sites looking for a side piece. I personal don’t believe in the Disney romantic your my soul mate kinda love. In today’s culture of guys always looking for the next youngest hottest thing to stick or jump on. Guys seem to be in love with te thought of being in love that they’ll take it where and how they can get it. Love has been an excuse for guys to treat their boyfriends anyway they want just because saying I love means never saying sorry. ” Hey baby I love, but secretly I’m getting sex from others behind your back making you feel less than you are.”

  • “Do you believe in love?” Now there’s a loaded question. Yes I believe in love, and yes I’ve found love. But like many (most?) gay guys, allure and infidelity eventually found it’s way between me and him, and poof, it was gone. That was before the age of instant gratification, and GPS-enabled hook-ups became more prevelant than “first dates”.
    Unfortunately, E-contact, and E-hooks have become the norm, and created a world of fragmented communication and compartmentalized behavior. It is my experience as a single man that more often than not, I’m meeting coupled guys that are either on some sort of “DL”, or meeting single guys up to their knees in the cement of their past experiences, and unwilling to give it another go. (yes, I’d put myself in that category.)

    We now are also living in a new generation gap – a GAY generation gap which has gay Millennials and gay Gen-Xers on separate sides of a computer screen quarreling more often than being kind to each other. Age, and opposing experiences, seem to be creating hostility, snarky communications, etc.

    As the risk of making a sweeping generalization, it seems to me that coupled gays more often than not are staying coupled (usually “open”, and playing on the side), and single guys are staying single, and just satisfying themselves with the new norm.

  • When we can reach a point in our lives that LOVE is where we are coming from,and how we are treating others; we will never have to look for love again

  • Sure I believe in Love. There were two Men in my life that I can say i felt true love for. Physically, and Mentally we had the kind of relationship that many still search for. The emotion one feels goes way beyond just sex. You have a response that sometimes can’t be explained. That’s why you have a physical reaction when you’re around the person you’re in love with. Remember body language? It’s still true, even though it’s lost due to cell phones and the internet. You know when you feel it, and the mind, body, and heart doesn’t lie.

  • I don’t know what to believe in as well as I don’t think it actually exists.

    Everyone has their own definition of “love.”

  • Do I believe in love? Absolutely. But it’s not easily found and even harder to maintain. Love has to be nurtured and worked at and worked for. It requires occasionally putting someone else’s needs and desires before yours. And it requires enough maturity to stick through the hard parts and have faith that the good times will come around again. It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with heart and soul.

  • The whole concept of “love” (in the traditional definition) is “totally retarded” when it comes to gay guys, in general. Gay guys and “love” simply don’t go together unless a number of very very tight issues fall into place. Not that it can’t, and does not, happen. It’s just rare. A beautiful thing when it does happen, but it’s usually only the stuff fairy tales are made of.

    Stereotypical gay guys are not “love”, monogamy, one-guy oriented. Stereotypically speaking they are ASSes. (Arrogant, Self-Absorbed and Self-Centered). Finding “love” simply won’t happen. Their own behavior and lifestyle makes “love” impossible. Yet, they will play the Victim Diva, laying the fault of the lovelessness on everyone else.

    But that’s only the stereotypical gays, promoted by “the Community.” Many gay guys live lives that DO include love, and a lot of it. Just not in the traditional sense. These guys have guys (plural) they love, care about, and would take a bullet for if needed. They may not live together. They may “play” one-on-one or among each other. They “love” each other. It’s a kind of “love” that is newly defined, outside of the traditional, stereotypical, one-guy, monogamous, definition. It’s a kind of “love” that fully embraces the reality that guys are happy to love more the one guy.

    Personally, I have group of guys in my life. They’re important to me, very important, love important. They each have a guy or guys of their own, many of which I haven’t met and most likely won’t ever meet. Sometimes, but rarely, we’ll play in groups of 3 or more as schedules permit. None of us bring a new guy in until we know he’s solid quality, and not a “diva”, which keeps things simple and clear.

  • You might not believe in love, but love most certainly believes in you.

  • It really is no different between gays or straights, no better or worse. Unfortunately, Men aren’t taught how to deal with or show emotions. It’s easier to just sleep around without all the “imposed” and supposed dependency and responsibility, relationships seem to require. Even the mention of wanting a partner seems to make men run… If you look at the profiles, gay and or straight, it’s full of unrealistic physical attributes, that no one can fit into, not qualities one might desire in a long term “partner.” Love grows and changes, as it should and cannot be owned. relationship are work, but not a chore, they need to be nurtured, checked up on, not taken advantage of or for granted. Love doesn’t need a piece of paper to be validated, that’s a business contract, always was, always will be.

  • Love is WONDERFUL, if you can find it. I found it many years ago with the Love of my life and it was Love at first sight for both of us…..we were together for 15 years until he passed away. I know that I will never find that kind of Love again and I am not looking for it. IF it should come along, so be it…………Do not give up on Love in the Gay community….it CAN happen for you!!

  • Hi all…gay guy here in texas. I do believe in love. It is varied. You never know who you will find it in and you never know who will love you. It comes in so many forms. I believe we as gay men overlook quality guys because of sillyness. I mean heaven forbid if the guy has one hair out of place…not a certain race..or might be a couple of pounds overweight. We miss out on good people and potentially finding love based on ridiculousness and being petty. Ijs

  • Yes I believe in love. A few years ago I was sent to another state on a job. No intentions of meeting someone, just be free and enjoy the work/vacation. But, I met a guy who was a lot younger than I, some 20 years younger. What started out as a hook up grew to much more. We traveled, shopped, enjoyed life together. But with too many obstacles in the way, my job back home, elderly parents and he needing to go on to college I deliberately pushed him away. I could not be the person he was needing later in life because of age difference. Today he has finished college with highest level of degrees in his field and is very active in his career. To this day I miss him every moment,hour,second of the day. Recently I had to go through something personal and I so longed for him to be there but he has since moved on, met a guy married and living the life he really deserved and I decided my life was not going to interfere with his happiness. I do believe in love, just don’t make the mistake I did and let other things get in your way of happiness and let it slip through your fingers when the right one comes along.

  • I so believe in love. It doesn’t matter how long you have known someone. It is a connection of the souls and hearts.
    I once had the love of my life and I miss him every single day.
    He was my best friend, my lover, my soulmate …

  • Beautiful song and video. I am 43, and it seems very hard to find someone who will fit. I feel tgat Iat times have comprimised my standards in hope for him. Thank you for sharing both the blog and the video. It offers me if nothing more a glimmer of hope.


  • I did, but with the lies,the cheat, the temptations or a person who never understands… Either way there is a lot of issues with a relationship. I been in 2 the first lasted 8yrs and this last one lasted 8 months but this last one bothers the most, I never had gotten cheated on before and the way I’ve been feeling, love just doesn’t exist in this community.

  • While there is love like that, an even more powerful love is love to self. If you love yourself, no matter if the other person who loves you had left, you will survive and thrive.

  • I do believe in Love, but unfortunately not many do.

  • On a serious note, love is all around us. Love can be shown to our friends, parents, family, house plants, clothing, material items, culture, society, home … It grows! The more we nourish and create a more stable foundation for the idea of love, we as humans will naturally accept the idea. The idea then becomes birthed and your environment becomes nourished. Love goes both ways. Love must provide warm feelings mixed with self content.

    Love is mutually gainful.

    You know you love me,

  • I thought I had this love right here. Sadly I was mistaken. I’ve been single for over 7 years now. I have grown accustomed to being myself.. kind of sad I guess. I dream about find love like this. I’m met some really nice people but it never really went that far. I’ve started to think that the one person i’m supposed to be with doesn’t exist. At first I thought that there was something wrong with me. Okay yes, I care to much about people I care about and I may try to help out a bit to much. I’ve sung different songs that have the same meaning as the video in this post. I guess the whole dinner for two and a movie, a coffee at starbucks, a walk through the park or talking about each others interests is too old school. After accepting that I am not dateable, giving up on dating only seems right. I’ve had my heart broken too many times. I have some hope left that I will find the person I’m meant to be with.

  • Im sure that an amazing guy will come along and we wi meet. I believe it is difficult to find love being gay and all, but not impossible. Hopefully my one true love and I will meet in the near future. Hope will never die until my last breath.

  • That video makes me sad and happy at the same time. I really want to find someone to share life with again like that. Seems everyone just wants to hook up a couple times then disappear, how sad is that. We can now marry in my sate and i really want to find someone special to share that joy with so i’m on the hunt for my one and only. I’m a romantic and believe in love and and all that goes with it. Can’t wait to fall in love and feel that wonderful feeling again.

  • I was with a wonderful man for fifteen years. Thought about playing around but then poured my heart out to him. About a year ago he became I’ll. yes, that meant no sex. I lost him in February. I feel rudderless, but I am sure I will find someone again. This site is one of the venues I am using.

  • I think an issue that most gay men have is that we are often confusing love with lust. We look for one thing in the guise of another and in the process hurt not only ourselves but others. It is important that we remain open with ourselves about what we want and what we don’t want rather than choose to lie about the reality of what we need and want due to societies stuffy morals. If you want sex, hot sex, and NSA sex then advertise for that, but don’t give mixed messages to other people in the process in order to get what you want. I personally believe it is better if people look for simply sex, and friends and give themselves space, after all love isn’t discovered, love takes over. You cannot find love, love finds you, this is something most of us don’t realize or understand. Too often do we ourselves get lonely, and to an extent desperate, and then when we find someone nice we immediately want to tie them down and make them ours, without giving the proper time necessary to ensure that they are truly right for us. We need to evaluate ourselves before trying to do the same to another. Love comes over time, and when it comes, it comes hard and mercilessly upon the one(s) involved. I know, believe me (oh boy do I know) how hard it is to be alone, especially when you do know who you are, and you are very much tired of spending your nights without that special someone. After all it is very nice to come home after a treacherous day to a good friend and partner who can help uplift you. But it is much better for us in the long run if we stay far away from confusing lust for love, or trying to love or make someone love us. This article is interesting because it opens up the topic of love between gay men, and mentions that it is harder to find than with straight people. I actually think that this is true (at least to a large extent). The only mystery in it is why the hell this is the case? Is it because men want sex more than love, and being gay means dealing with men? Or is it something else? Hell, it could even be the media programming most gay men to believe that sex is all there is really.

  • This is a beautiful video and gives me some hope. I had that at one time. I was in a 10 year relationship with a truly wonderful man. He was the love of my life and my soul mate and I was his. Great and awesome man and I will never find another like him again. He was taken from me 3 years ago from a cancerous brain tumor and I miss him dearly. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and wish I still had him but I know he is better off now than the way he was the last few months of his life. He was a very good man. I feel as if when he took his last breath while I was holding his hand a part of me died with him and I cannot get over that. I don’t know how to begin my life over again and its been extremely hard. I do believe in love but for me I feel that part of my life is over. I may be wrong but I have a very long ways to go.

  • Hopefully it’s out there. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic at heart. I would love to find the perfect partner to mix last and love perfectly together!

  • I used to be a big believer in love, but not anymore, society doesn’t allow it anymore, nor do people make time to nurcher love anymore. It’s all but vanished from what it once was. I miss those days.

  • You’re not alone. I believe in love. I’ve been lucky to have fallen in love a few times. The hardest part of finding love in the gay community is that everything revolves around sex. It is so hard to meet somebody the “old fashioned way.” Courtship seems a thing of the past and that’s sad. I thought I found my soul mate a few years back and we got married (in a state where it is legal). The chemistry between was electric, palpable, but monogamy, as it turns out, was not for him. Madonna said, “I think we all have soul mates, I just dont think we end up with them.” The experience left me jaded and heartbroken. Eventually I’ll learn to trust again and I will continue on my search for love. If I don’t find him I’ll take solace in knowing that I had one great, torrid love affair, that somebody changed my life for the better and some people, gay or straight, don’t even get that. Don’t give up.

  • Coming from Generation Y I feel love doesn’t exists in a world where we judge you interface and aesthetic is held in high regard. The intellect is no where to be found on here. The people who post on IG constantly posses the intellect of a idiot savant and if asked the question about current events it’s about what they heard on FB or Twitter.


  • I totally agree with you Bryant, thats the kind of love I’m looking for as well, I wish you and my self the best with finding that man.

  • i am 30 years old latino living in south carolina.i believe in love i have never been in a relationship ,its hard to find love here not only for all the reason we all know but also the racial issue everybody here is looking for white people only.but that doesn’t stop my believes in monogamy i know someone out there is looking for me.i think he could use a gps LOL.life is beautiful and sweeter when you have someone to love to listen to share everything.for the next article i’ll suggest ‘interracial love’

  • To my true love, Eric,

    Iff love is everything, I am giving you the universe.

  • “Finding a fuckbuddy, a hookup, making friends are all easier than finding love. Am I right?”

    Not necessarily so.

    I have no desire or need to commit to a romantic relationship. I love and enjoy the hell out of being a single guy, but there isn’t a week goes by when I’m not having to politely (and sometimes with a tough love approach, when it’s needed) shew off some clingy guy who is pathetically seeming desperate to be in a committed relationship. They seem to believe they are so special that I will instantly fall in love with him if I just gave him the chance to.

    Now for hookups and fuck buddies I have to at least see them in person first and decide If they are someone I like enough to want to play around with. Pics and text on here aren’t enough. I find it’s much more work to find what I want than it is to find someone who wants to fall in love with me. Yuck!

  • I found my guy on A4A! We’ve been together 5 years right now. I wouldn’t say we “found love” though – we chose to bring it to the relationship!

  • Maybe it will never come. Life is worth living regardless.It’s great to share life,fun stuff,interests,dinner,trips -all that.But I decided when I was 30 I was gonna have fun and explore life regardless.My looks bring a lotta guys to the bedroom and now that I’m 40 I’m secure and confident to say no-when I know the attraction is only skin deep. It helps make friends if you don’t sleep with everone who looks your way -and in the end you need friends maybe even more than love it sure makes being single fun!

  • There are many men out there that wants to have that one person to love and respect every day in a monogamous relationship.

    However, there are a many who want to be in a 1 on 1 as there are those who only want to sleep around with a different person every night.

    There will be a likely chance that in a city where there may be 100 gay men, there will be 25 who runs the gamut and sleeps with everyone in the city and who throws more drama than anyone else whenever they see someone they have slept with actually trying to settle down with another person. Since these individual are never happy it is also there intention not to let anyone else be happy.

    If you can remove this 25% from the picture and try for a stable relationship, there is a likely chance you will find the other 25% actually looking for a relationship. Stay clear of the other 25% who don’t even know how to love themselves, so they hide openly as DL (even although most people know that they are gay) and you don’t want to waste your time trying to get to know them because they are not even interested in getting to know themselves.

    As for the last 25% – too scared to step out from behind the walls of A4A and meet someone nice will get you no where.

  • It’s not impossible to find it but what’s impossible is expecting monogamy alongside it. Loving somebody does not necessarily mean you can shut down your biological instincts. It also doesn’t mean you can never love somebody else without diminishing the other love. It also doesn’t mean everything is permanent. Perhaps we (straight, gay, everybody) should just realize all things may have an expiration date and then we can make peace with our human nature. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules but let’s not measure ourselves against those rare exceptions.

    What I really LOVE , however, is that I have come to a place where I am so happy and at peace with and by myself that I have lost all desire to be with somebody in a relationship. It’s not that I don’t welcome it; it’s just not something I crave anymore. It’s the sort of thing that if it happens, it happens. It’s not something that I actually feel that I NEED. The feeling of neediness and that one can be completed by somebody else (I blame Jerry Maguire the movie for this!) is something that needs to be removed from everybody’s expectations. And I am so thankful that, with experience, I have matured enough to realize it’s so not true. You are the only one who can complete yourself. Everybody else is just a plus.

  • My issue with falling in love is that, either I love someone who doesn’t love me the same, or someone loves me who I don’t love the same.
    And to reply to Bryant’s comment about the difficulties of finding love in the “gay community”; There is no difference for straight people. It’s difficult for gays, str8’s and bi folks, equally. Not sue why people think that the gay community is so much different than others.

  • I am sure there is such a thing as love, not sure I will ever find it before my exit from this life.

  • In the gay world, it definitely is harder to find love. I’ve had a boyfriend I fell in and out of and then met someone who wanted to be exclusive and it didn’t turn out as well because he was only physically attracted to me. Definitely physical attraction is the killer but to get to take the time to know the mental and physical inside flesh can be a challenge. I’m a military individual, finding love with someone is most of the time nearly impossible.

  • I do believe in Love. I believe, unfortunately, what we have been taught, that we are sinners, unnatural, and perverse, causes us to doubt finding and building upon m/m relationships. Think I’m typing about me, and a past love I lost. Until society understands “we” have been around since the beginning of time, and serve an important purpose in life, we unfortunately will desire and search for one night “acceptance” and the feeling of being in Love. We have been taught, because we are “unnatural” we love like dogs, and will never find a “soul-mate”. I have been programmed to love, but not accept love given…

  • Amen bryant

  • i didn’t look at the whole vid…i moved to sf to find love…thought i was gay…sf has chewed me up and spit me out…if you are not a bear, cub or twink then you aren’t gonna fit in. Didn’t know about the history here with people of color either… and the treatment on both fronts is unacceptable…Most people here can just fuck…get a std, or a permanent std and still fuck aka anything goes. I barely wanna go to castro anymore…dont get me started on the soma gay bars. Turns out someone says I’m pansexual…i don’t know what that is but I have been working on trying allow myself to look more at girls for love, and turn my back on all the over repetitive gayness. Good luck.

  • I wish I didn’t believe in love. So far, all it’s ever done is torture me with relentless, unrequited affection. Nothing is worse than having to see your best friend that you’ve loved for years get his heart broken by his ex girlfriend, him confiding in you entirely, and then seeing him dating girls that he’s too good for or girls that try to play him. Even after telling him my feelings toward him, he didn’t flinch once nor did he treat me any differently. But it just sucks having a love for him that won’t go away, even after years of dating different guys. So do I believe in love? Yes, I do. But whether I wish I was in love or not? That’s a whole ‘nother question.

  • My first real love was so magical, beautiful, and real. Unfortunately I fucked it up. He is not in this world and I regret not at least trying. I do believe in love because I did have it. I don’t know if I will ever have it again, or if I even deserve the chance to have it again. Love is out there, no matter how rough and dirty it is, don’t take it for granted. a mistake that is made can be forgotten, don’t be stubborn, because in the end you will find those small cuts heal.

  • Not anymore. One too many bad relationships & one very evil & abusive ex boyfriend has killed any love that I had in me. I used to think that there was kindness & love in everyone. No more of that foolishness.

  • I just extricated myself from an emotionally abusive relationship with what turned out to be a man who suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. At almost fifty years old, how could I have gotten “Love” so completely wrong?!

    The Love of My Life was perfect in every way at the beginning – tall, well-built, powerful, masculine, handsome, supremely capable in everything he did – he seemed to be good to be true. I thought I had landed myself the grand prize! Turns out, he WAS too good to be true. It broke my heart to have to leave him but his behaviour had become so unloving, so disrespectful and so outrageous, that I had no choice.

    Romantics out there beware. Do your research and stay away, well away, from narcissists. Your heart will only be broken and your self-esteem will be shattered.

  • I think it’s better to let love find you. I’ve never understood people who are looking for long-term relationships. It’s like they need another person to help them confirm their own identity. The best, deepest relationships I’ve ever had have always come as a wonderful surprise.

  • I agree with Bryant.

  • I got married this past week to an incredible man I met on A4A over five years ago. We developed slowly becoming friends then best friends then lovers and now spouses. We have evolved together and fit well together. So it can happen but I agree it is difficult. I think now that LGBTQ partnerships are more common and marriage is now possible you will see a shift in attitudes towards desiring commitment. Not overnight of course but I see a change of attitude happening.

  • I believe in love! I have been with my partner for 37 years and every day I wake up and fall in love all over again! Yes, we have had difficult times together and we both want to be together! so for you guys that believe in love! go for it! best to you all

  • Christian & Oliver = CHROLLI!! They’re the hottest German gay couple in the world. There are so many YT channels devoted to them and their story.
    I met both of the actors–along with a few other actors playing gay characters–back in 2010 and had a great time during a meet n greet. Both guys are very friendly and were taken by surprise by their worldwide popularity.

  • I thought I had found him but he had other plans and they didn’t include me.that 8 months were the happiest I had been in a VERY LONG TIME.and I cherish every memory

  • since then back to the grind looking here and elsewhere

  • If hes got the wallet, ive got the love.

  • Bryant you are one of the good ones that I search for but cannot find, I wish more guys were like you in the gay community.

  • I will keep this simple at first because it’s a really complicated concept.

    Most gay men are just children and as children in our social construct, in our society, they need guidance and correction because society is a learned concept it’s not hardwired in.

    I hate to feel this way but I am pretty sure the majority of gays are just sex addicts–with reason though but sometimes things just need to stop. The majority of Gay men do not love and if I was wrong this question would not exist.

    The best thing for the gay community in my opinion is to get rid of anything that encourages sex. I know this will not happen but, Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Grindr, Scruff, Just Guys, DudesNude, Craigslist and every website of a hook up nature needs to be destroyed. None of the them give two shits about the actual well being of the community and what their influence is. Love is not a promotional object of their interest just aimless sex.

    If this unlikely thing were to happen the people who can’t make the change can either regroup or just in essence die off. The focus of the majority in the gay community needs to be monogamy, and building healthy relationships; the minority needs to be wanton fucking and a hypersexualized lifestyle.

    Why because like children the majority of Gay men lack discretion meaning they can’t discern being able to do something doesn’t mean you should do it. And not only that they don’t understand balance when to and when not to.

    This is quite the ironic place to have such a topic. Discussing love in place where sex is only promoted?

    It’s an extreme idea but the Gay community is reaching further and further to a point of needing an extreme solution and the more extreme the symptom-condition the more extreme the cure however this also means it will be unwelcome that much more.

    In simple terms, don’t give them an option. Like children direct discouragement is needed sometimes because they don’t quite see the big picture to figure it out on their own.
    Take the freedoms of being able to find sex so easily and let them do it on their own. Now I am playing the devils advobcate but if you really wanted to tamper with the minds of many start promoting love, relationships, healthy lifestyles. Love is miles more addicting than any sexual encounter; unfortunately for businesses it’s a one shot drug.

    I’ve wondered this for so long because the whole gay marriage movement makes no sense unless the majority of men honestly believe that marriage means copious amounts of sex?
    And/or cheating on their wives?

    What’s the point of getting married when from what I have seen +95% of guys can’t even manage a conversation; so you get married for 9 months – 2 years then you’re back to the dating game…AND you’ve lost half your shit!?

    I personally will stop attempting to find love after I’m 25 OR playing with relationships.
    This seems crazy but it’s really a waste of time now in the present and I don’t want to be 30 starting something nice with someone, going through all this B.S. I’m 22 and it’s been old since I was 16. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find the right guy but really, it’s not about finding the right guy it’s realizing that the pool of people to choose from is getting worse as technology advances.You can’t try to “find” a guy and harder than you can try to find a cloud they just roll by and when you can you pick one you like.

    That being said, I want to travel the world. I want to be an inventor and explore spirituality and ride the tech wave. I don’t want to be grounded waiting for someone to warm up playing the what if game. I know how drawing the desire for companionship can be and it really is a vice for myself so I know that I don’t want anymore of my life to be caught up in it.

    All in all I believe in love I do but, I’m not wasting my time, my life waiting for the strong holds to get right. I want to find “my guy” but I’m a being a practicality and that’s not looking too practical right now.

  • My unqualified opinion is that gay men are not wired that way. I once told a fellow I was dating that I loved him and he became upset. It was downhill after that. This was a serious fatal attraction. I think about it to this day.

    I am now in my fifties and I have close friends that I confide in more so than biological family, and there is one fellow where I’ve said “He’s the one,” and seriously love but cannot bring myself to have sex with him. I seriously doubt love will come my way in this stage of my life. My friends and family are enough, I will satisfice with casual sex.

  • Just “BEAUTIFUL”! I sure did shed a few tears. It sure is hard finding the “ONE”. Especially living on a island in the middle of the Pacific. I must agree with Bryant, I do wish there were more men out there that just wants the one person to grow old with. What can I say I’m a Sucker for love. I do believe in LOVE and It is out there. Waiting for that right moment to jump out and show you just how wonderful life can be.

  • Love does exist but one must commit to the daily effort in showing up present in a relationship to make it wrk. Gay men often stand in fheir own way of finding love w/ a laundry list of unrealistic demands. Shame!

  • Of COURSE I believe in love! Having painted myself into a corner as a gay man married over 30 years to a wonderful woman who worships the ground I walk on and who thinks the sun rises and sets over me, I know that love exists, comes in many forms, and can be excruciatingly painful. But like the moth and the flame, it is an imperative: if it were not for love, I would be lost; having found love, I AM lost.

  • I dunno, this is all is become a joke to me. I actually met someone on Adam4Adam a few years ago, things made several turns, and for the first time I found myself in love. He said he felt the same. It was great for a while, and then things unraveled with lies, lies and more lies. So numerious embarrassing moments, one incurable STI, a dramatical breakup, and several tears later, I’ve slowly come to the realization that I might be single for the rest of my life, so my work has been making peace with that. Three years on, I still find myself haunted by this time in my life, and it’s still pretty painful. I’m not willing to settle for any of the bullshit versions of a “real” relationship that many gay men love to believe is “progressive” and sustainable. Surely, Im not the only one who feels like gay dating is like walking thru a minefield in Angola.

  • I do believe in love. It might take time for me to find the one for me. But I’ll never stop believing in love and will not give up. There are a million out there I just need one guy. :)

  • quoting miss fieldmouse from thumbelina; “Love!? Love is what we read about in books my dear.”


  • Nope, don’t believe it. I watched the video, it is just that a video. I have been single for 3 years, waiting for my man to fall from the sky as well. Hopeless.

  • Finding love outside your city is a stretch unless one can handle a long distance relationship.

    I found most gay men are too superficial to look deep inside and find what makes another tick. I have personally given up.

  • I dreamt of finding love last night. Never quite had luck in that area of love, but I have done a lot of work on myself, and I’m a pretty damn lovable guy, and there are quite a few other lovable gay guys out there, so I hold out hope that someone out there will “make an honest man of me.”

  • I agree with you Bryant :)

  • I too feel that gay, 1 on 1 relationships are almost non-existent strictly because so many are giving it away to those who may normally be committed. When those storms come, many begin to look at commitment as, “why should I bother! why should I try to weather this storm AGAIN when there are so many out there who are willing to meet my sexual needs!” Many guys don’t want to even try to commit because they cannot deal with the normal every stresses of a relationship. So it seems to those of us who DO want it that it is 20:1 against us. This is a sad state of affairs… and it is only going to get worse as the gay community continues this downward spiral of promiscuity and non-commitment?

  • Bryant,I’m right there with you.Im a hopeless romantic and finding love is hard for a skinny guy like me.I just want that one to be with till death do us part..

  • “Love; a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” Ambrose Bierce

  • Why does it seem that we (men) end up wanting the one that’s not that into you, & not wanting the one that is. At 52 i’m still working on loving myself and know that someone else can’t make me whole.I’m currently dealing with a NSA “relationship” (whatever that is) and just love, lust, and yearn for this guy but I’m not the one I guess. I’m sucking it up and trying not to let it define me. He has ruined it for me with other guys for now. It’s such a hard thing to work through and go forward but for some stupid reasom I still hope that I’ll someday find the “one”.

  • NO i dont believe in love and never will every time i fall for some one i end up getting used and hurt… Just did 2 nights ago with a guy here…. I know him from out of a4a and like him since the first time i saw him. But every time i told him i know him feom that place.. He would denied that he was the same guy. And its funny because he sent me a picture wearing the same shirt and tie he was wearing 2 days before when i saw in that place. But would still say he is not the guy. He said he wanted a men to be his and to be caring with him and love him when we were alone but act straight out with everyone else…. Well i guess he just wanted that men for one night….. After that im not good anymore….. I will never believe in love. Thats just not for me

  • I believe I’m tired if hearing sappy sophomoric definitions of love. Right up with crystal rubbing, palm reading, unicorns and church going. Fantasy world crap.

    Oh and yeah the video is silly. It’s a glorified A&F commercial.

  • It’s fascinating to read all the answers to this… I see some guys with low self-esteem (I feel for you, I was there before), and others who seem to get it. It’s really a big question… I’ve done my own research on the web about what works and what doesn’t, etc. With the right mindset, I’ve found there’s MANY people you could be with, it’s just a matter of committing to the right person and having some realistic standards of things you simply won’t deal with at the beginning (for me, I didn’t want anyone into drugs for example… not knocking it, just not what I want either). It’s a bit of a numbers game, you’ll find him eventually. It most definitely helps to be the best person you can be in being honest, good character, doing the right thing, etc., but also being edgy and don’t be afraid to be a lil’ bombastic, too.. guys love a lil’ attitude and being a pushover is unattractive…gotta find a good balance between cocky and nice… everyone loves some good sASS.

    Remember,there’s 330+ Million people in the U.S. alone… cut that back quite a bit just for the gays and there’s still a ton of people that are out there. Put yourself out there and be in a place to meet guys (gay activities, sport type events, etc.)… Do yourself a favor though and don’t be desperate… freeflowing, fun, easygoing, confident is WAY more attractive.

    I have been in 3 serious relationships (42 yrs old here). He and I are both edgy and ballsy with each other and tease the hell out of each other all the time and we are both stubborn asses and bitchy at times, but it works!

    For those of you who are bitter, you’re never going to find love and be happy for the long term. I’ve found that you have the be in the right “place” emotionally/mentally for love to happen for you… Jaded, bitter, etc., just doesn’t work and you read these profiles online that are full of the bitterness (who’d want to be with that?) Think about what you’d want in a guy and then be the best you can be at attracting that person without sacrificing who you are… Or, better said, be the best you can be and you’ll get who you want. Smile and go for it.

    A lot of men THINK they want an LTR, but once in it, find a reason to bail, etc. been there myself personally… I’ve been in a relationship now for 9 years and we have a 13 year age difference between us.. we’ve had our issues and NOTHING is perfect or fairytale even, but it’s still great. We make great companions in and outta bed, we fight and usually end up laughing about things when it’s all said and done. Don’t take yourself too seriously and also don’t fool yourself, there’s always sacrifice and someone has to give. You need to be ready for that going into it.

    Also, have something other than him that you’re ultra-passionate about… lots of guys make the other guy the thing they’re passionate about (bad idea). Relationships where both people have something outside of their relationship that they love to do, tend to last longer. If you haven’t found that, then try new stuff, even if it’s something you never ever thought you’d like to do… For example, in highschool, I was NEVER into sports or a sporty type person… Now, I organize a very successful sports league (been going on for 3 years now) and people are raving about it… Also, I never knew I could sing either.. An old co-worker heard me in my car singing away and said “you’ve got some raw talent”… I ended up doing 10 or so musical productions and getting lead characters in many cases. I’m saying this because GOOD guys find things like that attractive. And, having your own “thing” will keep you from being up his “a**” too much where you’ll inadvertently push him away. Try rockclimbing, take up photography, learn a musical instrument, try a sport you never tried, volunteer for a local charity, go birdwatching, become a big brother/big sister… the options are endless.

    I know I went on a bit, but I hope this advice helps someone out there!!! Big hugs and much love to all my fellow gays! XOXO Quinal

  • It frustrates me to see the one I long for on adam4adam and know deep down “I’m not it”. It’s so hard to have a “friend” online and not be the one they want or need at that moment and that they aren’t contacting me. I hate having to be so adult about this and pretending it doesn’t faze me. It does, but that’s my issue in the end.

  • yes, and yes

  • i believe in love..and hope that one day the right one will come along..i was alway told that looking for love is never the way..love will find you

  • I pray daily for a guy of values to cross my path, so far, no luck, but I keep hoping, surely theres a man out there that wants a monogomas loving relationship. Id move to arm pit no where if it meant my one love was there.

  • Everyone should believe in love, now finding it is a different matter. Love isn’t instant it requires time and nurturing, I have been with my lover 17yrs now and we started as friendship and built from there. That’s the trouble/problem with todays online searches, the people doing the online chatting and searching are expecting instant love and a life long connection. Its possible but unrealistic. Love and a relationships require work and time put forth. You will have your good times and bad times and most people are willing to put forth the effort it takes and above all love and relationships are based on friendship, my partner is my life mate and my best friend. Someone serious about finding their love of their life needs to remember that both parties involved need to be flexible and willing to change a little and above all compromise with each others bad habits and or traits. Yes many have way above standards, a good rule of thumb is take a good look at yourself and your flaws before you go requiring a unrealistic expations In a mate or life partner, because if you yourself dont measure up to your expactions that you have for your mate, then your never going to find that person. Yes, we all think looks are important, but in reality they arent, looks fade over time for all of us no one is the exception to that mother nature is cruel. Once people face this reality then their life shall be better. Becauee all it takes is a bacd accident and looks and physical appearance can be taken. Ask yourself this of all prospects: Am I better than the person I am interested in, the answer is a resounding NO. Everyone has their faults even if we dont see our own, no one person is better than the next. Love shouldnt be about looks its about the heart, and even the most unattractive person maybe beautiful on the inside look for that not just the physical attributes that so many people are all about.

  • No.

  • You could have a million splendid qualities, but, if you don’t look the part, then you won’t even get an audition. They won’t even return a hello. That is what “love in modern times” comes down to. It’s as if gay men a re terrified that they might fall in love with someone who does not look like an underwear model, or god forbid your number (age) is too high. You could look just over 20, but if your number is 38, forget it. It’s as if they believe they live in a time capsule and will not age, even with their winter tan, chain smoking, and heavy drinking. 5-10 years later you switch places, and they get mad at you for turning them down LOL. Tragically you wouldn’t have, if only they’d not proven themselves monumental jerks 5-10 years ago.

    But really… how does anyone, who goes on superficiality to choose a partner, expect the thing to last? I mean, what happens when your guy inevitably gets old and fat? What happens when YOU inevitably become old and fat? I mean, I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard/read guys complaining about how their boyfriend dumped them for someone younger/cuter when that was the very criteria they used to choose him to begin with. I always want to ask them what the bloody hell they thought was going to happen.

    Sadly, I’ve found that many gay guys don’t think that far in advance. Even the ones that say they value deep conversation and a good personality will drop you like a hot iron for a 6-pac and the promise of a huge cock. It’s all talk. Forget about connection. You won’t find it here.

    I have yet to find a decent human being in the gay community, that also does not bore the hell out of me. You’d think that after all the hell society puts us through that this wouldn’t be the case, but the only people who are more hateful to gay people than straight people are other gay people. You’d also think that after all the shenanigans we get up to, there would also be at least one decent story to tell out of the lot. But it is nothing but constant repetition after awhile. Ok honey, so you laid half the state? You and every other guy. Oh you have your own pharmacopeia? Well, congratulations on becoming a statistic. Your hobby is going home after spending 3/4 of the day at your boring mediocre job? Fun. What you want me to accompany you on this journey? I think I’ll pass.

    Not much to cling on to with all that. If that is all there is, I think I can manage much better with less drama on my own.

  • I gave up on love years ago….it is hard for a shy homebody to find anyone. I try to be positive and happy in all aspects of my life. I am not complaining, but it is hard.

  • Physical attraction isn’t required at all. I wish people would stop saying this, because it just puts up a huge roadblock to people getting close with others.

    Love is a violent, selfish urge that, when requited, creates an connection that, with respect to the peoples involved, transcends base discrimination. The only thing that matters is the loved object. Everything else falls away.

    HOW can you even begin to compare your love to any measure of attactiveness? He surpasses them in every aspect. He taste better than sugar, smells sweeter than roses, and is more real to you than you are. He thinks, therefore you are.

    Your lover makes the rest of the world look dark, ugly, and decayed. When you’re in love, you think you were born holding the other, and a world in which they do not exist seems impossible.

  • logs john : sorry but I need to be attracted to a man before even going on a date….so yes physical attraction is VERY important for me. But we don,t have the same definition of attraction. For some guys like my friend Peter, attraction means an overweight bald older man. For me it’s an athletic tall man. Then comes other things like the mental etc…

  • Hell no! Gay men are completely incapable of love. All gay men are able to do is chat, fuck, cum, and leave. No gay men AT ALL is able to sustain a relationship after an orgasm.

  • I don’t believe in love. I DO believe in friendships. I think friendships are less far demanding than a love relationship, especially in the gay world where a great part of the relationship falls into how great sex should be. My own experience with love has been negative because I’ve just found lies and lack of honesty, and there’s always the story of two parties; the one who uses and the one that get used. At the end I understood that love is such an ethereal feeling that rarely happens in reality.

  • Thank you for the beautiful video. Definitely restore my faith for this time :)

  • I used to believe in love. Then everything changed the day my partner decided to commit suicide in front of me. I have been single ever since it has been since Feb. 12, 1999. It isn’t like I haven’t tried to find love, and then there is all the cliche’s and platitudes that everyone likes to use like, “Love will find you when you stop looking.” What a thoughts thing to say and it is crap. I stopped looking a long time ago.
    In this day and age, on almost all of the “hook up” sites like this one. The vast majority of the people that you meet are usually people that are on meth, GHB or both or any number of other drugs. You dare not let them into your house or take anything into theirs because things disappear.
    I have my act together. I won my home, my car, my motorcycle. I work when I want to and travel a lot. What more could I want?
    Several months ago I felt myself starting to fall for a really nice guy. All he need was a hand up, a car, a job, and a place to live other then his granny’s house. Once again this would have a been a huge mistake.
    So at this point in my life, I think that it is better for me and everyone else as well that I just stay single and not even date. My puppy and I will be just fine with or without a man.

  • I believe in love. I had a boyfriend for 14 years who loved me, sent me to college and massive amounts of other things. We adopted a child and everything. Ultimately it was my fault it ended. I drank and got on drugs and messed it all up. I have a new boyfriend. that I love. Not some much doing drugs. I still drink at times. For the most part, I learned from past mistakes and I’m happy to be with my new boyfriend. It’s. been a year and a half and I’m still working on some things. I am going thru something traumatic personally but he loves me and hasn’t. left my side.

  • I believe in love! Wholeheartedly. However, it takes more than just love to make a monogamous relationship last. I fell in and out love for a very long time. It’s a wonderful feeling being in love or to know someone loves you! Whether it’s from having a fling or being in a LTR. Lol I’m in love with love! No greater feeling!

  • Having neither seen (in either a heterosexual or homosexual context) nor experienced “love,” I’m not entirely sure that it exists — at least on a long-term basis. Bear in mind that I am distinguishing “love” from “infatuation” or “obsession.” In my realm of experience, the happiest couples are those who never have felt “love” and instead “got used to having each other around.”

  • Yes, I do believe in love and I hope that one day I can find it. I want to find that one person who is the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind before I close my eyes and go to bed. I want to find that one person I can share my inner most thoughts, fears, dark secrets, and know that he will not judge me, but will love me even more for trusting him enough to bare my soul and vulnerabilities. I want someone that could care less about my past, their main concern is here and now and of course the future. I hate to even make the analogy (because it’s so cheesy), but I want that “Reva and Josh”, “Lily and Holden” “Victor and Nikki” soap-opera kind of love– no matter what the problem, we know that where we belong is with each other and each time we get back together, it’s like we never missed a beat. Eh, at least that will always be the dream though.

  • I definitely believe in love. I told my ex I would always love him regardless of what happened. Part of me knew it would never last, but I also knew that true loves doesn’t just disappear. I still love him, although being friends is not an option for me right now…I’m not sure it ever will be. Did I fall for the wrong man? Perhaps…but, I did not mean to…After a three year relationship together and getting betrayed, how could I still love him, people ask. I honestly do not know. I will never be with him again, but the love…it just is. And it still hurts a little, but I tend to send positive energy his way these days…for me. :)

  • The idea of “love” many people , gay or straight, have is an unrealistic fiction that pop culture media (especially rom-coms and love ballads) continues to manufacture because they appeal to the irrational desire to have one other person who is there to fulfill our desires .

    This Lover must also prove his or her “true” love for his amour by passing tests that prove s/he is worthy of honoring and fulfilling his loved one . The tests has the “true love” completing some mission that fulfills a lack, replaces a past loss, or gives value to a despised or ignored attribute of his loved one. Then the wedding where vows to fulfill future desires ensure the union “forever”. Infantile narcissistic BS still sells and is a narrative replicated endlessly to validate instts like marriage which used to ensure that the couple stay legally bound long after the initial hormonal rapture faded. The Bachelor , Kardashian nuptials, Royal Weddings still sell big time.

    This he’s gonna fulfill all my desire crap is a distortion of Eros or sex love which is the most temporary kind of Love . OK . Plato’ s Symposium discusses Eros and other types of Love like Brotherly love Philia and Agape which is close to impersonal love of Christ or Buddha.

    When gay guys get caught up in the delusional Euros prince charming story then the laundry lists are launched that no one can fulfill and throw some into a false idea that love is not real. No we all know the Princess Bride Diana was womb in white disposed, and that the Bachelor is a douche. Its comical to see gays who are irrelevant to this system try to replicate it and give up on finding expressions of brotherly love which was the power driving the best and most effective activism , particularly the AIDs activism of 80s 90s. I guess it takes catastrophes to wake us up .

  • My vote is for love. Men please get to that point with someone. It does take work on both sides but trust me life is simply better and more complete when in love.

  • I still believe but skeptical

  • YES!!!!!DEFINITELY!!!! I do believe in love….there may be ups and downs, good times and bad, but when you just can’t imagine yourself without him–yes, that is LOVE, and it’s beautiful….

  • GGggrowwwll. . . ‘Yes on Love ‘
    Though it has been quite awhile since being
    in love. I Love being loved. I Love loving.

  • I do believe in love, but I think I’m in a time in my life where I don’t want a relationship though. Living in a household like I have didn’t leave me much to explore what the world has to offer me. I want to find myself before I find someone else. I want to make sure I am in a place to receive the love of this person and him-me.

    Am I looking for it? No, I gave up a year ago, and when I thought I found it, he wind up liking a girl. So, overall I do believe in love, but do I care for it. Nope! I like the bitter part of me because I care for myself and well-being. Is that being a bit selfish, yes, but you know what? I don’t have to worry about the bullshit that comes with relationships.

  • @NotPossible… That’s not true not ALL gay men are incapable of loving someone else, but I do agree with you about that. Most men aren’t able to love anyone other than the orgasm.

  • Gay men believe sex and love are the same thing. Not true. The gay men I meet want nothing but sex and nothing else. Angry yes. Do I dwell on it. No. I have come to realize that I won’t find love. Gay men do not even want to be friends. They don’t possess what it takes to be proper friends with someone. Sex is everything to them. I’m gay, I believe in love, I believe in friendship. What does that make me? An exception and I won’t change for anyone. Am I better than anyone? Like mom use to say I’m not better than anyone but I’m just as good as anyone. Be an exception gay men.

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