26 Aug 2014

Gay Stuff : Long Distance Relationship

Category: Gay Stuff

pilot

Two weeks ago was Montreal Pride and I met a very cool dude in the VIP section. Open bars always get me more “social” and less shy than I usually am. So this guy lives in Vancouver and Toronto (he is a pilot) and I live in Montreal. We clicked very well and met few times before he left for Toronto, where he works 15 days per month.

Yesterday he came to Montreal and we spent the whole day together, that’s the reason why I didn’t post on the blog. I was busy. We went to the pool, we went to eat, we talked, we biked, went to the park and no, we didn’t fuck. I want to get to know him first. Usually when I fuck in the first few dates, it never lasts. Maybe you’ll think I’m crazy….yes maybe I am.

Last night he sent me a cute text msg saying “You are a nice man and you are very very very sexy”! I was blushing when I read this…

What do you think. Do you think our relation could last if it goes further? Since he is a pilot he flies for free and obviously would fly for free as well. So the problem is not the cost of the plane tickets, only the distance….

Let me know your thoughts!
Dave

56 comments for Gay Stuff : Long Distance Relationship

  • Met a guy in Baltimore, I was in D C at the time it was a hour drive for about a year and a half… Been together fourteen years!

  • In some instances it can work it depends on the parties. There must be unconditional trust. I ended my long distance relationship as a result of broken trust. I wish you well and every success

  • If you mean by “our relationship” that you are exclusive, good luck. Men, in general, aren’t wired for it. Many gay men whine that they want it but few are really willing to do it. For some, however, it does work because it’s what they want.

    So it’s a matter of how the two of you define your “relationship” and live within any agreed to bounds it may have. If both firmly believe in exclusivity and are willing to operate under its rules AND you think each other is “that guy”, go for it. Some guys like a long term caring non-exclusive “partners” relationship. That’s often doable. Here, the guys have a Main Man in their life who is top of the list in their heart, but they are not exclusive when it comes to sex, often sharing a buddy or buddies for fun.

    It’s all about what those involved believe, agree to, and are willing to make happen.

  • Well, if you don’t try, it certainly will never materialize. Why let distance stop you? Things could change and he be assigned to always be in Montreal. You are obviously very attracted, give it time and effort and see what happens. The worst is you will have spent some quality time with a great guy. Go for it.

  • Sounds like a nice guy. In reality guys that travel have a FB in every city they visit regularly. So, if he’s really a hot looking guy with a nice personality I’d say odds are he does too. There are exceptions though, but they are rare. I’d recommend chatting with him about it so you understand the rules of the game and can decide if you want to play or not.

  • Go for it….if it is more than a fling…. Love will make it over the miles… Huge amounts of trust in each other will be involved….impressive he flew to see you….more impressive you didn’t just hop in the sack. Best of Luck.

  • Usually long distant relationships don’t work out because one party wants it when the other is far away and usually goes out and gets it. If you are cool with that type of “open Relationship” then there may not be any problems. In this case if you have the time and can get away whenever and you have a free plane ticket it might make things a little easier for both of you. For me, I wouldn’t have the time to get off work and travel very often so I’m afraid it would be doomed.

  • Some people can make a long-distance relationship work, and others cannot. I made a trip to South Africa and found that long distance doesn’t work for me. The person I went to see was very different in person from the online/chat persona.

    Since travel doesn’t seem to be a problem here, I think you should try it if you want to, but don’t totally give your heart away until you’ve met more than a couple of times and you see yourselves as an “established” couple. Wait for the novelty to wear off and then assess if you still have great things working for you.

    Good luck.

  • Sometimes you have to take risks for something you want. If you like the guy, and he likes you. Go for it. Life is too short

  • I’ve met guys from out of town. I’ve fucked them. Some I’ve kept in touch with, a couple have sort of grown in to more…but it’s so unlikely I get the sex up front

  • If you both genuinely trust, care and love each other then no distance will stand between you

  • In you article you said:
    “Since he is a pilot he flies for free and obviously I would fly for free as well. So the problem is not the cost of the plane tickets, only the distance….”

    Has he mentioned that you would fly for you or are you assuming he would offer that?

  • I wouldn’t. Too many distractions on both sides.

  • The best relationship I ever had was with a guy that lived about a 5 hour drive from me. I met him at a dance bar and asked him to dance, and we was together for about two years. I broke up with him when I met my ex-lover, (biggest mistake of my life!)and have regretted it ever since. He treated me great, and seeing each other was a lot of hassle and planning, but it was well worth it while it lasted! I think about him often, and wish I’d stuck it out! It was a long distance to travel, but being with some one that made me feel as good as he did was well worth it!! I think you should give it a try and see where it goes. This guy could well be the guy that completes your life, and if not at least you have some time with a guy that makes you feel like he makes you feel.

  • He said it? Why? Plane tickets are free for him, family and lovers.

  • Dave – You’ve described events that occurred over two days, correct? Despite this, I’d say you’re on the right track by getting to know him before fucking…that’s always a good thing if you yourself are relationship oriented, which you apparently are. My thoughts to you are this: get to know him, and get to know as much as you can about him. Ask him every question you can think of regarding past relationships, and his life in general. If he does the same (asks you questions), then you can talk seriously about the two of you. On the down side, you have no idea about his life other than what he’s told you. He might have a boyfriend or partner in Vancouver, right? On the up side, you seemed to hit it off with him. Put on your soft walking shoes and get to know him more if you really like him as a person. Remember, it was just a ‘cute text msg’ that got you to write about this on your blog! Good luck and keep your readers posted.

  • Chas, 2 weeks, not 2 days…
    It’s still fresh..
    and for the text msgs, he sends me tons of it every day.
    Also, he sent my picture to his best girl friend in vancouver, saying ” I met my futur husband” lol
    that was cute…

  • Dave – Two weeks is a little different, and what you just wrote makes it sound even better! My previous thoughts still apply. Aren’t nice texts the greatest things? Sounds like you have a good rapport with this guy. Remember to talk more than text! Good luck again! :-)

  • Dave,
    Hello! First of all, what a Handsome Man, you have. I am in the same situation as your are at the present. I think if it, is what both of you want, and are willing to work at it, it will work.
    I know in my situation, my guy will be gone for months with his job, but when he is home, I will get to have him to myself for two weeks a month.
    What can I say, I Love Him, and he has asked me to marry him, so see, if you really want it, it can and will work out.
    Good luck,
    Alan

  • If you have to ask, you already know the answer….

    ….sadly the answer is “No”

  • Dave go for it if you both want a relationship with one another your hopeful love for each other should get you guys through it!!!!

  • Where did the trope “if we don’t have sex or even talk about sex in the first few weeks, it’s going to lead to a good, long-term relationship” come from? Absolute piece of crock bullshit. Can you cite peer-reviewed scientific studies proving that this is true? Look, it may have had some evolutionary advantage in WOMEN — making sure that the pre-birth-control age men who were likely gonna make them pregnant were in there for the long haul for the children who need to be provided for and protected — does NOT apply to two men who are not getting pregnant anytime soon.

    Anyway, on topic, normal in-person male-male relationships hardly work statistically, what makes you think long-distance ones will? I know there are rare exceptions out there, but the only gay relationships I’ve ever seen work are the honest, open ones. Men are just not biologically wired to be monogamous forever (and there is evidence this is applicable to women as well). So unless you’re open to having this arrangement, chances are it’s not gonna work.

  • Idk man I was in one in Los Angeles and then came out to new Jersey for only half a year and the second week I was in nj I was dumped because he couldn’t handle my frustration of him ignoring me and pretending like I didn’t exist Lol.

  • Dave I say go for it !! I’ve done it in the past a 2 hour drive we would alternate who traveled but it was worth it. I was the one the messed around and messed up my good thing

  • Does he know that you run this blog and might see this?

  • I’am not gonna say anything that hasn’t been already said. The only thing I would add is trust I have been in this situation, and for the time we were together, we enjoyed each other. And the good news is we are still friends. Depending on reality, and what you both want out of the relationship, it could work.

  • It really depends on yours, and his understanding of the word relationship. As stated earlier by someone. But as the 1st person said Go for it! Be honest and open. You might be surprised.

  • Distance relationships…THEY NEVER WORK.

  • I met my partner on A4A last year. I am twice his age, been out for 30 plus years in a very comfortable atmosphere. He lives 1200 miles away in a small southwest town where he is completely closeted and was still living with his girlfriend!
    We planned a sexy weekend but the moment our eyes met, the sparks began to fly. We waited 3 months before having penetration sex, he left her for me. We are very happy, the travel expenses are an issue. But he is slowly coming out and spending 2 weeks with me each month.
    Our relationship is not the rule, but we are very happy to see each other yet maintain our lives until we choose to change it.
    Don’t discount possibilities. Circumstances present themselves and if you care enough you deal with it!
    I get out of bed singing for the love I feel!

  • It can definitely work!My bf currently lives in Connecticut for work and I live in kansas still. Just takes commitment and trust! Better to try then think of what mighta been! Best of luck!

  • Perhaps I’m the only naysayer in the group. I hope not. There are several occupations that come with monogamy as a challenge! At the top of the list is pilot ( private or commercial.). Remember they don’t work in an office that is called a “cockpit” for nothing. My advice to you would be to talk to lots of people in the airline industry, males and females, and see what their experience has been with the pilots in their lives. Good luck!

  • I say go for it. You’ll never know if you don’t try, and regret is the worst feeling of all.

  • I’ve had both positive and negative experiences with long-distance relationship, and I’m happy to say the positive experience is still ongoing: I’ve been seeing a man I met online some five years ago for about a year and we’re recently engaged. I’m a U.S. citizen and he isn’t, so we’re starting the long and tedious process of filing for a fiance visa, but in the meantime, we visit each other whenever we can and stay in touch through Facebook, email, Skype, and whatever else we can do. It’s challenging, but since our relationship developed online before we met physically, we gained strong communication skills that have helped us manage the distance. It isn’t easy, and I don’t think it ever will be, but it’s the best we can do.

    We haven’t “gone all the way” yet either, and I think this has helped us tolerate the distance (since we aren’t missing “everything”) while also giving us something more to look forward to when the distance isn’t so great. However, we recognize our sexual desires aren’t going to disappear just because we’re apart, so we’ve decided to keep an open relationship until we’re able to be together–so we can play around, so long as we stay safe and let each other know. So far, it’s working really well, and it’s helping us to not feel “trapped” in the relationship since we can still fulfill those physical urges as they arrive.

    I tried to resist this relationship when it started, given the complexity of our situation, but when it was clear we were falling for each other, accepting it and embracing it has been the best decision of my life. Don’t ever shut out the potential for love–if the relationship ends, well, you’re no worse off than you were before it began. But if it lasts forever, you’ve gained everything.

    Best of luck!

    Ren

    P.S. If any guys are in the Raleigh, NC, area, hit me up! LOL

  • Met a man in Florida while on vacation one year. I lived in Illinois….we spent the better part of two weeks together and after going our seperate ways realized we missed each other a great deal. I spent the better part of a year traveling to Florida every other weekend until I finally packed everything and moved across the country to be with him. We purchased a home together so we wouldn’t be living in “HIS” place…we wanted to start out together in our home….We’ve been playing house with ONLY one another for almost 30 years. Anything can work if you want it bad enough and are willing to put the work into it needed to be happy. Go for it buddy. What do you have to looooooose except possibly something fantastic.

  • If I fall madly in love or lust with you, I’m going to want to spend significant time with you NOW to get to know you well enough so I can sort of figure out if we should take it to another level. If you live more than a couple hours away, that’s close to impossible. I’m just not that trusting or patient. You probably aren’t either.

    Fast forward to a possibility we’ve gotten to know each other well enough that we both agree we’re at least “dating.” Now what? Someone (perhaps both of us?) needs to move a lot closer so we can get beyond “dating” to a real LTR. Can this be done long-distance, a few times per year? Not in my experience!

  • Umm, ok. So you met, hit it off nicely, spent one day together, and haven’t had sex; yet in your mind you are already flying for free? Wow! Hope he doesn’t read this blog. You are already thinking about his benefits. Good luck.

  • GO FOR IT
    he’s adorable, absence makes the heart fonder!!!

  • All these people saying it won’t work…how the fuck do they know?!?!?! Sounds like a bunch of sour grapes about their failed relationships.
    Dave go for it man! I wish you all the best.

  • You will never know until you try. Personally, I do not do well with long-distance relationships because I want the person close-by and to see him often. Now, if the were plenty of texts, Skype sessions, and phone calls, that could help out in the beginning. However, there must be an agreement that you two establish as to either interacting with other guys. (That’s not my preferred, either.)
    So, do whatever your heart and your brain says and you will have your answer.
    Best of luck to you both.

  • He’s gone 14 days out of the month but he’s there the rest of the time? Lol that’s not really a long distance relationship if you ask me.

  • I say go for it. It depends on what you want and what he wants in your relationship as what will happen. Good luck with that handsome man.

  • On second thought … your whole relationship at this point (2 weeks) is pheremonal. It’s full of “brand new luster” (pun). The last thing the two of you should be doing is making long term plans or long term declarations about how wonderful each of you are. For 6 months, you two should enjoy the ride and go with the flow … but refuse to discuss commitments. And for certain do NOT move in together! If you’re still together after 6 months, then discuss long term.

    Give it 6 months. By that time you will have belched, farted, and sneezed on each other. You’ll have seen if there are any “annoying little habits.” You’ll have experienced some ups and downs in each others’ lives. If the luster is still there, you’re good to go!

  • To expand a bit on what Adam said .

    In the old days, long before the advent of air craft all commerce and travel was conducted by sailing ships.

    Way back then everyone knew that sailors ‘had a woman in every port’.

    Can you deal with that , even if the long distance part works out ?

    I mean c’mon , he aint exactly a bad looking dude (if that’s his pic)

  • Nike….Just Do It !!

  • No it’s not his pic.
    I wouldn’t post his pic, c’mon!

  • **No it’s not his pic.
    I wouldn’t post his pic, c’mon!**

    Then maybe you should have said so at the get go .

  • From my past experienes with long distance relationships, it never works out… Unless youre both opent o sleeping with other people, then i guess it would…

  • Long distance relationships can work provided both parties are realistic about what long distance relationships entail and are mature to deal with any issues that crop up. They also have to come to an understanding that either one or both parties will eventually move to be closer together, be it in the same town or house.

  • Go for it or you will always regret it. As a part of a 16 yr relationship…the first ,4 years of it spent 1500 miles apart, I am evidence that it can work. You both just need to be honest about expectations.

    REAL connections are rare and should be explored whenever possible.

  • I totally agree with Scarpien comment. One party gots to compromise to make the move to be together. Long distance relationship should be a process or a temporary state where both party make it their goal to be “together” some day. So Dave if it develops to that,are you also willing to make that move?

  • “Usually when I fuck in the first few dates, it never lasts. Maybe you’ll think I’m crazy….yes maybe I am”

    off-topic but it really annoys me the apparently vital value sex has in the gay community, this is why it’s so hard to find a guy that would rather have a relationship than a fuck buddy…

  • I agree with IKe,

    Building a relationship will last longer than a sex will. I had a boyfriend in my early teens and we bonded as friends first which made sex later on an awesome experience.
    Get to know the guy first. Learn about each other and build a relationship. Believe me, once you both decide to have sex, it will be awesome.

  • Go for it. It may work, so good luck.

  • Long distance relationships can evolve. My husband and I initially lived an hour apart. Four years later, my studies took me to places 2 to 6 hours away. Finally, after 7 years of me living in cities all over the east coast and mid-Atlantic, we puchased a house in and moved to Pittsburgh. Six years later we were married in San Francisco. We’ve now been together 19 years. The key is honesty, trust, patience, and unconditional love; live and let live. BTW, we fucked first and got names later. LOL

    Dave, if you both find yourselves rearranging your schedules to be with each other and no other man matters, give it a shot. Get to know him better. If you fall in love, you’ll find a way to make it work.

  • damn, I am in the same situation.

    We hooked up first when we met, but something told me he’s a bit different from a hook up. we actually hang out after the hook up, drank beers, went to a gay club didnt dance but just talked.

    He is an Irish guy, cute smile, cute everything. Told me he’s leaving next day to LA (Im from Vegas) and I was sad…
    Texted me before he slept, told me he’s bi and never felt anything like ‘love’ towards a guy before but just hooked up. He said he thinks he’s falling in love which I am trying to deny to myself as well.. the next monday night I decided to visit him in LA, I told him I wanted to see him so bad that I am missing holding him, kissing, touching, seeing his smile, listens to his sexy irish accent.

    Now he’s going back to ireland tuesday 9/2/14
    Makes us both sad that even if he is in SF right now, we skype every night. But knowing him moving back to Ireland, his home. just really sad, I know he’ll be back in a year and I am willing to wait.

    ————-

    Having to wait and get to know more is a good decision, GREAT decision actually, Happened to me and my ex, makes it/you want to get to know more about the person so bad, like you want to be in their life as soon and get to know as much.
    our LDR lasted for 3 years, he had to move to Germany for deployment. But traveling and seeing the place together to meet up is really good. Always talk and catch up on each others day been. A lot of stories. So I’d say greatest luck to you! Hope you are happy :) Same to me, with my Irish guy. =)

  • Dave:

    Dave…Interesting topic (sorry I just got to it, but I was on vacation). Perhaps you should NOT be taking advice from these queens on here if they are so simple to believe that you would actually POST the picture of the guy that you have met up here on the blog!!!

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